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Helping mothers create routines, boundaries, and family practices.

Stress

5 Things You Must Do on Hard Days

Being a mom ain’t easy and it’s not for the fainthearted. Even the most “with it” moms have hard days. You know, the days when she feels like nothing is going right. Here are 5 things you need to do on hard days:

We all Go Through Seasons.

Seasons where we feel on top of the world, our lives are working well. Our routines are allowing us full but not crazy busy lives. The kids are behaving and content.

The bank isn’t calling and our jeans are even fitting a tad looser.

Life is good. 

Then, inevitably, things take a turn.

Two kids get pink eye and the other a double ear infection. Your yearly premiums come due in the same month and your car has an irreparable flat tire.

A friend is angry and shutting you out, and the house seems to be in a decline.

You know…

Life gets hard. 

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.

This happens to all of us. In the Bible, Jesus tells us trouble will come. There’s no avoiding it. What matters is how we handle it and move forward.

I used to believe that if I did thing right and was good that life would always be easy and pleasant.

Well, That Blew Up In My Face.

I see now that was immaturity talking, clearly, but it took quite a few trials before I was able to realize that hard things happen to everyone.

What matters is what I do when the trials come.

5 Things to Do on the Hard Days

I don’t always do all 5 of these, but in hard and trying seasons, this is what keeps me plugging through the day/week/month.

#1. Stop and Give Specific Thanks

There is true mind altering and life changing power in Gratitude. I feel a bit queasy even typing it because it’s so stereo-typically cliche.

But the fact is, it works.

When I stop and am thankful for the good things in front of me, my heart becomes more positive and content.

Instead of focusing on my problems (which don’t go away just because I’m thankful)… I am focusing on the good. It gives me strength to get through and it changes my attitude somewhat.

Being thankful does not negate or erase your current problems, but it helps make them smaller by comparison.

#2. Give Yourself a Calm Space

If the kids Are Particularly Rowdy, sick, or disrespectful then my biggest tip is to keep them separated for a time. That’s right…

“You gotta keep ’em sep-a-rated.”

If one starts to lose it and shows no sign of recovery, I will put that child in their room to calm down and play alone without interruption. Not as a punishment, but as a tool to help them Learn to Control Their Emotions. Flip-outs love an audience. If the other kids can continue to do what they were, I can give attention to the child who needs it most without Risking Contagious Meltdowns.

Read These While You’re At It
5 Surefire Ways to Survive the “Tough Phases” With Little Kids7 Things To Do When The Kids Get Too NoisyA Calm Down Trick That Works Wonders7 Phrases to Encourage Independence in Toddlers and Preschoolers

All my children are Small and Close in Age so this is a real phenomenon. When one is crabby and within an hour they’re all crabby.

This does not help hard days or times when I’m already stressed. Keeping them separated and giving them their own projects or toys helps create some calm.

#3. Purposefully Envision the Future

I am future focused.

On my Strengths Finder 3 of my 5 top strengths were future-focused. Trust me, it’s both a strength and weakness.

It’s why I have a hard time sitting down and Focusing on the Present. However, in times like this it’s why I can get out of a funk quickly. I will tell myself, “I won’t always be pregnant. Not always going to need to buckle 4 kids in a van. I will have 4 hours uninterrupted alone to work in a few years.“

When I’m being honest and real with myself, this works. If I’m talking pie in the sky, it doesn’t. The goal is to help put your hard time into perspective. And, if you can’t see an end in sight, that’s a clear sign you need outside help.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

13-18, 6-12

Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

Taking care of your mental health shouldn’t feel like another chore. This workshop shows you how to build simple, sustainable routines that support your well-being and your kid’s emotional health—without the stress or overthinking.
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Every mom has hard days. Here are some things to do:

#4. Phone-A-Friend

If you have a friend who is encouraging, sympathetic, and a good listener… give them a call.

Or a message.

Or a text.

Maybe even an email if you need to pour out. No man or “mom” is an island.

The point is, remaining isolated when you’re in a hard season is not a good idea. You’ll become more discouraged, lonely, and sad.

Friendships are often what keep us going during hard times and relying on those friends who love you and want what’s best for you cannot be understated.

#5. Be Kind to Yourself

Sometimes we high-strung, high-standard mamas are so hard on ourselves.

We think we need to do it all now and look good doing it. We don’t take no for an answer from others and consider anything less than “Done and Excellent” subpar in our books.

It’s hard being A Type A Mom.  

On the other hand, mothers who are less high strung frequently feel guilty since they don’t seem to “measure up” to others.

During hard times, this has gotta stop. You have got to learn to take care of yourself.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Weary To Well

This 10-day reset will help you uncover what’s wearing you down (spoiler: it’s not just lack of sleep), set boundaries without guilt, and finally create space to breathe again. Because burnout isn’t your personality—it’s a signal things need to change.
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So, when those hard days hit…

Sleep well.

Beg help so you can rest. 

Read a book. (Books to Help a Stressed Mama Decompress)

Read your Bible.

Get away. (48-Hour Mommy Vacay?)

Whatever it takes.

One Habit That Decreases Stress More Than Any Other

There are many ways to relieve stress. Many methods, habits, and tips that will help get you out of survival mode into thriving. But there is one that will help you be less stressed, regardless of whether your circumstances change or not.

Do you feel stressed and overwhelmed? Here is one habit change that can make you feel less stressed than any other!

With 2 of my 5 pregnancies, I absolutely lost my marbles.

Yes, I say 5 because I am, surprisingly, pregnant again. For anyone else who studied Liberal Arts out there like I did, 99% does not mean 100%.

Anyway, I lost my marbles and thought I would never recover. My first pregnancy was a piece of cake. My second one as well. By my third pregnancy I had two toddlers and was working from home for a finance organization. My working hours were 1:00 pm to 3:30 pm. This meant I could not take as much as a catnap when I had to work. Which was Monday to Friday.

Since we didn’t have family nearby and I’m not good at asking for help, I became more exhausted than I can even describe. I’d get headaches, the shakes, my entire face would start to swell, and I’d get panic attacks.

This pregnancy, none of that. Even though I have 4 kids ages 4 and under, I have not become hyper stressed. I have not experienced extreme hormone surges, nor have I become so exhausted I sob and sob and sob. The difference?

I have been sleeping more. A lot more. I average at least 9 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period.

I am not joking.

I am very serious.

And this with 4 kids 4 years and under.

Without a doubt, the number one thing you need to do during seasons of high stress and overwhelm is to get more rest. 

overcome-overwhelm-banner-for-posts

Why Rest Changes Your Life

That is a huge statement, but it’s true. Getting enough rest will make a huge difference in many areas of your life.

You are better prepared to cope with life

If you are exhausted then your brain doesn’t work properly. There are so many bajillions of studies that show highly successful people have healthy amounts of rest. You are less focused, more distracted, and higher strung when your body does not get the amount of sleep it needs. Period.

You cannot control all of your circumstances and sometimes we find ourselves in bad situations that are not of our making. It is particularly important in these seasons, when there is little else we can control, that we take hold of our sleeping habits. Even if you have to go see someone to help you sleep better, it is a must.

Read –> How to be a calm mom

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Self-Care That Sticks

In this workshop, you’ll ditch the “I don’t have time” excuse and build a flexible, doable self-care plan that fits into your real life. Because taking care of yourself shouldn’t feel like another thing on your to-do list.
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more rest stress

Your emotions are not in control of you

When you are exhausted, every single emotions sits right under the surface. You have a full and overflowing emotional basement. If one child throws a tantrum, you throw an even bigger one. One kid spills some milk and you lose your head and scream. Overnight, you become an angry mom.

When you are lacking sleep your adrenaline is pumping which causes your body to be on high alert. You become hyper-vigilant. More so than normal. Quite simply, you’re not able to be a level-headed reasonable person when you are beyond the poing of exhaustion. It’s not your fault, it’s just how God made us.

By getting more rest, you have margins and you’re able to make decisions without letting your emotions take charge.

You become more self-disciplined

When you prioritize rest, day in and day out, you build up your self-control and self-discipline. This will particularly come in handy if some of the overwhelm and stress problems are due to a lack of self-control on your part. By focusing on getting more rest you’ll learn to let other things go and do what you need to do.

And the best part, every night that you get more sleep and feel better… the choice to go to bed early the next night becomes easier.

Read –> How moms can sleep more, better, and longer

If you are deep in overwhelm and need to brainstorm to Get Out then try this overcoming overwhelm packet. It’ll give you big changes quickly!

It helps you prioritize the things that matter

When you start to realize that you absolutely must sleep more or you will completely lose the plot, you start paring down the unnecessary. Is the playroom still dirty? Close the door. Do you have two seasons of Gilmore Girls left to watch before they release the big finale? It’ll keep.

There are books to read, people to call, dishes to put away, lunches to pack, etc. But if you can manage to do some of the urgent stuff during the day and forget about the extra, you begin seeing just how much you were doing that doesn’t matter. How much busy work or mindless tasks that created stress but produced no benefit.

Like sweeping.

Okay fine. Sweeping is important… if you have a baby who eats off the floor.

But in all seriousness, things that can be done during the day will leave more space at night to relax and then go to bed early.

Read –> 21-day go to bed early challenge

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Weary To Well

This 10-day reset will help you uncover what’s wearing you down (spoiler: it’s not just lack of sleep), set boundaries without guilt, and finally create space to breathe again. Because burnout isn’t your personality—it’s a signal things need to change.
Start Now
rest more books

I know may of you are thinking, “Yeah, Right, Whatever, I can’t sleep, I’m a mom.” But I want to tell you that you can. Even if it means you have to hire a maid or forget about cleaning for a short season. Or better yet, give these responsibilties to the kids.

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

  • pinpoint an issue
  • draw out how it’s affecting you
  • label what you don’t like about it
  • determine areas of responsibility
  • figure out how it’s showing up
  • say what you’d rather happen
  • brainstorm solutions

How to get more sleep even if you think you can’t:

  • Go to bed early. Choose a time goal and, when it gets there, drop whatever you’re doing and just get in the bed. Get one of these and you’ll find it easier to fall asleep.
  • Don’t just get up because tiny ones wake at 5:30 am. You can teach kids to sleep later and babies or toddlers who are in their cribs can play quietly or sing to themselves for another 30 minutes if you don’t rush right in. Ask me how I know.
  • Beg someone to watch the kids so you can nap. Even a power nap can help you get back on track.
  • Hire help. If you can afford help for a few hours a week, get it. And then don’t be crazy like a chicken when they get there, just sleep.
  • Take daily naps. Sleep when your babies or toddlers sleep. If they don’t sleep a lot, put them in their cribs to play and doze off right beside them. You probably won’t even fall asleep, but will just rest your eyes, but every little it helps.
  • Take 48 hour mommy vacays. I talk about it all here. I know this is a luxury everyone doesn’t have, but if your husband is willing to watch the kids, go for it.
  • Prioritize it. As with anything, if you prioritize it, it begins to happen.

Minimizing the Stress of Homemaking

Thanks for tuning back in to my Back to the Basics Week inspired by the two-week course called Makeover Your Mornings I’ve been doing. Monday I talked about the big rocks of parenting and yesterday I spoke on work and play. Today I’m hitting stress.

Feeling like a stressed homemaker? Here are some tips to minimize the stress of homemaking in my back to the basics of parenting week.

There’s positive stress and negative stress. Positive stress helps us get things done. Negative stress crushes us. It makes us feel overwhelmed, overworked, and angry.

The other morning I was walking two laps around our pond (one of Makeover Your Morning’s suggestions is exercise for more energy) and thinking about how life was so different 50 years ago. It might take hours to milk the cows and make butter, milk, and cream for the day. Every day. I’m sure they were dead dog tired at the end of the day, but I wonder if they were as stressed?

Common sense tells us we need a healthy outlook on life to create a positive environment for our kids. And while common sense is now a superpower, I know all you ladies are superwomen! Here’s how to realistically minimize stress for the modern mom with stressors.

Determine your life rocks.

As I talked about in Part One of this series, we gotta know our big rocks. Parenting rocks, personal rocks, and life rocks. When we know those and make those a priority, we’re naturally less bothered about things that are less important. You won’t have to say, “stop stressing” to yourself because you will feel more accomplished and on the path. Some stress will melt away.

Learn to let go.

This is a hard one. Oh, okay yes I’ll just let it go, thanks. Still, there is something to be said for the mental fortitude and self-discipline of forcing yourself to let things go. Easier said than done, but it’s a must if you want to keep mental peace.

The way to do this? Make sure you’re hitting your big rocks so that you’re only having to let go things that aren’t that important in the grand scheme anyway. Of course the laundry has to be done, but if you left one load too long in the wash and have to redo it, who cares. I assure you that a wet load of laundry is not going to be reason for me to be up at night. Not anymore. It’s necessary and good to stay current on housekeeping, but I’m not going to get a wrinkle over it.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.
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Make a change today.

When trying to make changes, the worst thing you can do is to bite off more than you can chew. Because then you just end up spitting the whole thing out. That was gross, but you get the point. If you start by changing very small habits you can gain momentum and meet your goals. By expecting yourself to completely change habits or mental patterns you’ll only end up disappointed.

If your schedule stresses you then sit down with it and look at the problem areas. Too many weekly activities? Choose one thing today to cut back. Feel like the whole house is a mess? Call a friend or family member and trade favors. Stressed about money? Get help from someone skilled in that area to make a budget or a debt free plan.

Re-evaluate your ideals.

I’ll get more into this tomorrow, but when you are feeling an overload of stress it’s a good time to zoom out and take a good look at where the root of the stress is coming from. Is it because you think you should be able to do more? Says who? It probably isn’t that your children is unhappy, but that you simply feel pressure to do/be/know more.

It’s a soul crushing pattern of thinking. When I had postpartum anxiety and was seeing a counselor, she suggested I frequently ask myself, “What is the worst that could happen?” That was often enough to lower stress levels immediately.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Self-Care That Sticks

In this workshop, you’ll ditch the “I don’t have time” excuse and build a flexible, doable self-care plan that fits into your real life. Because taking care of yourself shouldn’t feel like another thing on your to-do list.
Start Now

Some things that cause stress can’t be eliminated.

I know there are times when the stress is caused from situations outside of our control and there’s nothing we can do to eliminate it. This might be a deployment, separation/divorce, or money situation. You must do the best you can to manage that unchanging stress, while completely eliminating other lesser stressors.

It’s the overall weight of our burdens that crush us, but by eliminating those that we are able, the load is still lighter. It won’t be non-existent, but it will be lighter.

Essentially… stress is a killer. It kills our joy, relationships, and fulfillment. Evaluate what is causing it and eliminate whatever is in your power. Then in the immortal words of Elsa… “let it go.”

Back to the Basics Week:

back to the basics of parenting week

Being a mom is tiring… want to know the surefire secret to less stress?

There is a secret to less stress in motherhood and it’s probably one you’ve not heard of. Instead of worrying about every little thing, try this.

With our first children we are often extremely paranoid.

Worried.

Very careful to make sure they look perfect, sleep perfect, and have the best of everything.

We follow the letter of the law (whichever law we subscribe to) and plan matching outfits and wonderful baby books and make all their baby food homemade.

We take great care.

And then we have more children….

Some mothers are pleasantly surprised that more kids doesn’t equal more stress. At least not at first.

Some mothers find the opposite, in fact.

Here’s my secret to less stress….

Read my graphic below to get my super secret – and probably not obvious – secret to less stress in motherhood and parenting.

Being a mom is exhausting. Heres the secret to less stress as a mom

Do you only have one child and feel very stressed?

Whether you have kids spaced far apart or close together might not matter as much as you think. What MIGHT matter is how having multiple kids encourages you to let go of some control.

To stop taking things so seriously.

To relax more and not take things personally.

To realize you can’t control a lot of things so you learn to let things go and become a less stressed and discouraged mama.

Tips for people with multiple children close in age

If you’ve got a few kids all close in age, these posts will help you.

The key, of course, is a good routine, clear boundaries, and lots of love and a sense of humor.

And here are some posts about having babies close together, if this is your method for reducing stress. Ha!

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Sticky Routines System

Giving you a step-by-step guide to overcome barriers and stick to the healthy routines you’ve committed to. Learn the mindsets and secrets disciplined moms use to run a tight ship🚢 (think, mornings, chores, homework, bedtime, self-care, etc.)
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Why having more kids can make you less stressed

The truth is having more kids can obviously be more stressful. You have more mouths to feed and more bottoms to clean and less time to yourself.

One on one time with your kids is harder to come by and you may feel more guilt for not having as much time with each child.

However, ,if you let it, having more children can help you to relax. It can help you to – like organized moms everywhere do – major in the majors and minor in the minors.

You will learn firsthand that what most kids want is just a present parent. Because you just won’t have time to actually cater to all your children’s every need, you’ll see what things really end up mattering and which don’t.

You’ll see that a lot of the things you did because you thought it mattered to your child, you’ll find out it really only mattered to you.

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.

The real way to be more at peace as a mom

So whether you have one child or you have a dozen, the real path to peace is in knowing there’s someone in control smarter than you are.

Doing the best you can each day and then being okay with what you’ve done.

After all, life’s not like a photograph, it’s like a video.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Self-Care That Sticks

In this workshop, you’ll ditch the “I don’t have time” excuse and build a flexible, doable self-care plan that fits into your real life. Because taking care of yourself shouldn’t feel like another thing on your to-do list.
Start Now