Expect Obedience

Today’s our Babywise Friendly Blog Network day and I have Maureen from Childwise Chat sharing on obedience. I love hearing how different mothers train their children in obedience so get ready for some good tips. I absolutely love her point about giving an instruction once and then waiting. Not counting, not nagging, not repeating a million times. Simply waiting… Read on for more.

There are two words that can really set the tone for your household: “expect obedience.” I’m a homeschooling mom and I was recently watching a video produced by SimplyCharlotteMason.com. The video was all about setting the stage for smooth and easy homeschooling days. Well, one of her points was “expect obedience.”

It’s such a simple idea, but it’s so incredibly important. Think about it for a minute. It sounds pretty basic, but when you break it down, it may very well be that you don’t expect obedience.

What happens when you give your child an instruction?

Think about your response in the seconds or minutes that follow the instruction. Do you sit nervously wondering if your child will obey? Do you wonder if your child heard you? Do you count to three? Do you move on about your business forgetting that you gave an instruction? (I’ve been there.)

Now that my kids are older and play so well independently, we often move about our days doing different things. At 6 and 9, I don’t need to direct their every move. But of course, there are times when I need them to obey an instruction. There have been times when I’ve been so busy working or correcting schoolwork that I don’t immediately follow through on an instruction. I toss out an instruction very casually and hardly pay attention to their responses. Not good, I know.

I’ve also fallen into the trap of counting. I had myself convinced that I’m not really counting for obedience if I’m just looking for speedy obedience. I’ll say that I need them to be at the top of the stairs by the time I count backwards: 5-4-3-2-1. It sure does get them to move quickly, but really, counting is counting. If they obey right away every time, it shouldn’t take them five seconds to get to the top of the stairs.

Now that I’ve told you what NOT to do, let me explain how it should go.

First, pay attention to yourself when you give an instruction. Never give an instruction unless you’re ready to follow through. If you’re not going to require obedience, don’t give the instruction in the first place.

Second, give your instruction clearly and with eye contact. Get a “yes, mommy” from your child after you give it.

Third, wait. Here’s where the rubber meets the road in the whole “expect obedience” department. Don’t wait nervously. Don’t expect that they won’t obey. Don’t start counting because they haven’t acted quickly enough. Give them a minute or two before you do anything.

Four, follow through. If they don’t comply with your instruction, follow through. This will depend on the instruction you’ve given. But above all, don’t repeat yourself. You may do nothing more than stand very close to your child giving him an expectant look. He may look at you even and wonder why you’re standing there. Still, don’t repeat your instruction. You may need to point or gesture to give a hint if your child has completely forgotten what you told him. But in the depths of his brain, he will recover your instruction. He just has to choose to listen and obey. Nagging and repeating only trains him to obey when you’ve repeated yourself three, four, or ten times.

Read: Time In Vs. Time Out … and is Time Out Damaging Kids?

Five, offer praise. If your child obeys happily (immediately or not), praise him for it. Don’t go overboard. The situation may call for a simple “thanks” or “good job.” If he took a little too long to obey, give him a simple verbal reminder. Just say, “Next time I want you to obey right away.”

Take a minute and etch those two words into your brain: expect obedience. Write it down. Put it on a post-it note and stick to the fridge and bathroom mirror. It’ll help you remember that your kids will give you obedience if you expect it.

Maureen Monfore is a homeschooling mother of two young boys, a marketing consultant, and the author of ChildwiseChat.com and the eBook, Live in Harmony with First-Time Obedience. A loyal follower of the teachings of Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo, she is passionate about teaching children to obey to pave the way for fun, love, learning, and essential moral development.