Boundaries

“Give Me a Minute” – A Phrase For When You’re Gonna Lose It

This is one phrase moms really need to teach the kids for those moments when they are on the verge of losing it.

They really were trying to be helpful while we were assembling our homemade instant oatmeal packets.

I know this because they kept repeating, “I am helping! We are really doing great work. After this we can get our superhero glasses from the store!“

I spooned the oats into the sandwich bags.

My 4 year old spooned some brown sugar onto the oats.

Meanwhile, my 3 year old was getting handfuls of chocolate granola and putting a few in the bag, some on the counter, and shaking all the crumbs on the floor to keep his hands clean.

You can’t make this stuff up

Simultaneously, My 2 year old was shrieking because I wouldn’t let him dip the oats into the bag for obvious reasons.

All the shrieking converges. The baby cries through the monitor. And the phone rings…

Let’s just say I’m On The Verge. Instead of screaming in frustration (which is not necessarily bad unless you’re screaming at your kids) or telling all the kids to go sit in a closet and leave you alone, I’ve found a better way.

We’ve not perfected it yet, but “we’re working on it.“

“Give me a minute.”

When I ask for the kids to give me a minute, I usually need some or all of these things.

silence
uninterrupted time alone
kids to play independently and not stand beside me saying “mommy, mommy, mommy”

(Note: I know that a minute is only 60 seconds, but I’ve chosen not to use this phrase literally. “Give me a few minutes” just doesn’t have the same ring to it).

Fun + Energetic moms will rock at this because though they have a short fuse, they get over things quickly
Confident + Take Charge moms will find this helpful during times when the kids are uncooperative or defiant as this is a big trigger for them
Strong + Deliberate moms might not get to a point of explosion quickly, but if you start to feel resentment or slow rumblings of a grudge, this can help you turn your mood back in the right direction
Calm + Steady moms, you rarely ever get On The Verge, but use this when you start to feel helpless or run down by the kids

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.

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Don’t overuse it

If you use this phrase every time you want the kids to go do something else and leave you be, it won’t be nearly as effective.

I’ve reserved this phrase for when I am truly On The Verge.

Now, this may come every day – depends on how much of a tired mom you are – but try to reserve it for when the kids also realize you are losing patience.

The kids can tell the signs of an impending mommy explosion in our house, so when I say “give me a minute” they nod their heads in understanding.

Helpful Phrases are such an awesome tool they can change your day to day life. They’ll help stop tantrums, meltdowns, and disobedience. Check out our 100+ genius parenting phrases right here.

Establish some ground rules

I don’t necessarily leave the room during this time, but I just need time and space to cool down. For example, I may go into another room to sit in a chair or even go stand outside.

I tell the kids to be quiet, stay where they are, and not call for me until I come back. If they break these rules there are consequences.

I say that when I’m finished calming down I’ll come back. We’re not fully there yet (particularly my 2 year old) but we’re closer.

Read: How To Live Within Your Limits And Boundaries

Use the time wisely

If you are truly On The Verge, I would not recommend using this time to scroll on your phone.

That’ll help you escape the tension, but not release or process it. That’s just pushing it under the rug and in an hour or two you’ll explode anyway.

Pray, read your Bible, stare at the wall, or think of things you’re grateful for. Use the time to try and get calm again, not just to escape.

By actually releasing some of the tension you’ll come back in a better place.

Read: The Habit Moms Start — But Wish They Hadn’t

Come back and explain

There is usually something that trigger my need for a bit of space. And let’s be honest, the kids usually know what that is because they are usually responsible for it.

I try to get calm and come back to have a little talk with the kids. If I’ve exploded pre-minute, I start with apologizing for losing my cool.

If not, I recap what happened.

It might be like this, “You guys were fighting so much this morning and screaming. I get frustrated when you are rude to each other and I needed to calm down. Instead of screaming because your brother didn’t share, why don’t you…..“

It’s harder for children to listen and grasp your lesson if you’re still fuming.

Read: 5 Angry Mom Triggers — And Solutions

If you need a minute, take a minute

Give me a minute and other useful phrases.

For more success, start practicing this before you actually need to use it. The next time you think you’re going to lose it the kids will understand what’s expected of them.

If you think you’re going to blow your top, then take a few minutes. Whether you need to use a timer (our fave here) or just sit until you’ve cooled off.

Don’t start screaming and throwing or having a tantrum.

Or, if you need to, give yourself a minute, and go do it in another room.

Read: Why Moms Lose Their Identity & How To Get It Back

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Self-Care That Sticks

In this workshop, you’ll ditch the “I don’t have time” excuse and build a flexible, doable self-care plan that fits into your real life. Because taking care of yourself shouldn’t feel like another thing on your to-do list.

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Want More Genius Phrases to Start Using Now?

If you like this phrase, I’ve got more where that came from. These are guaranteed to help cut down on power struggles, bickering, and meltdowns.

Want some Helpful Phrases Printables?

Because helpful phrases make life with kids *so much easier* and they work – even science says so! – we have created a book chock full of printables for various situations.

Whether it’s mealtime, tantrums, how to listen, bedtime, etc. we’ve got a book full of phrases to help you be the parent you want to be.

Check it out here in both digital and paperback.

Morning Routines & Rules To Help Kids (And Mom) Start The Day Well

These morning routines for kids will help them start the day calmly, without fuss, and help give mom some peace in the mornings too.

My mother says when I was little that I was a Super Morning Person.

She’d come into the room and say, “Rachel, time to get up!” and I’d sit straight up and smile. No power battles, no procrastination, no drama.

And then I had 5 kids…

Duh duh duh…

And I found that waking up super early to crying, whining, or constant demands did NOT make me have happy mornings. As a mother who was in charge of the home’s routines, moods, and daily flow… I needed the mornings (which set the tone for the whole day) to be peaceful.

So I made some routines. And some rules to keep those routines. And it means I don’t lie in bed dreading the day… You don’t have to either.

Morning Routines & Rules For Kids That Actually Work

Nobody loves being cranky in the morning… and as I mom I feel as though having a happy morning helps set the tone for a better day. You see, every morning doesn’t have to be a struggle.

It’s possible to have a morning routine (set with rules) that actually works.

Start the night before

First of all, having an age appropriate and healthy bedtime routine is a must. It can’t be said enough… the night before has a huge effect on morning behaviors.

Every family is different, but establishing your family’s routine with the correct amount of sleep for your kids age is the first step to a morning routine that works.

There’s a misconception that keeping kids up late will help them sleep longer in the morning. This is false. Research actually proves that disrupting a healthy sleep cycle will cause kids to wake up earlier and earlier…and with the grumps.

Put them to sleep at a good, consistent hour and you’ll have happier kids in the morning.

Basically, being well rested and establishing a healthy bedtime routine is hugely beneficial for how children feel and behave in the morning.

Read: My “Daily Escape” to a Quiet Place & Why It’s Necessary

An age appropriate “wake up time” that is set by YOU

I cringe when I hear a mother complain about their toddler waking them up at dark-thirty every morning… NO, thank you.

I found out right away with my first child that reinforcing an age appropriate “wake up time” made us both happier morning people. It was good for her because it gave her a sense of responsibility and a time to be creative.

For me, it meant that I could have some peace in the mornings.

Be firm on what time YOU SET as the waking time. Really, it’s the allowed to leave your room time. Whether its 6:30 or 7:30… pick the time that works for you and stick with it.

There are a few ways to do this:

Set specific morning playtime toys out in their room the night before (legos, drawing, reading, journaling, etc…).
For children still in the crib, you can set some play things (for the morning) in the corner of their bed after they are asleep.
Many have found that using an OK to Wake Alarm Clock or Sun & Moon Sleep Trainer Clock is very helpful in getting a steady routine. It’s an easy to tool to let kids know when they can leave their room in the morning.

Make getting dressed a streamlined process

No morning routine for kids would be complete without talking about clothes. And, nothing adds frustration to a morning than having to find that missing sock, or a clean pair of shorts…

I say, let’s add an easy hack that gives the kids independence while streamlining the getting dressed process. This is especially helpful if you’re like me and have had multiple children close together…

Invest in these: kids day of the week garment bags for girls or boys

Kids day of the week garment bags are extremely helpful. Here is what I do:

Fill them for the week in advance (I like to do this on Sunday evenings)
Make sure socks are in there too,
Hang them at the correct height for the kids to access on their own, and
Grow my children’s self confidence and independence.

Tidy up bedroom before coming out for the day

Tidy up, tidy up, tidy up, kiddos.

The trick here is to keep it simple. Kid’s don’t need color coded tabs and super-organized labeled everything. They just need to be in the habit of tidying up before they leave their room.

How do you do this? It may seem hard to some, but after you establish this rule and routine… it will start to click. Make room organization simple (big baskets, for example). Explain what you expect of your kids, and then enforce it.

You gotta inspect what you expect.

I think that learning to tidy as you go is a great life skill to have.

Lay down the rule – You don’t leave your room in the morning until it has been tidied up. Definitely no TV or screen time until this has happened. The one thing after the other philosophy will serve you well.
Keep it simple – Place some easy baskets for storage of toys where they can easily be accessible to little kids.
Make the bed – Even the smallest child can pull his/her blanket over the bed.

Now, this does take some training so stick with it. Consistency and positive reinforcement are the key here. They will try not to do it and they’ll complain and it may be a drama at first. Eventually, if you do not relent warrior mama, they’ll just get on with it.

Read: Mom Morning Routines That’ll Save Your Sanity

Breakfast (DIY for older kids)

You may be the type of mother that likes to cook a fresh, hot breakfast. If this isn’t the habit that you get into, gathering easy and simply DIY options will be helpful in establishing morning routines for kids.

For older children, making some oatmeal, grits, or toast can be an easy DIY breakfast. They can wake up, go ahead and feed themselves, and be ready for school.

Obviously, younger children wouldn’t be able to do this so having an easy option that they can help themself to can be very helpful.

Some little ones wake up super hungry… sometimes “hangry”. You can provide some nice breakfast bars (we do KIND bars) or have an older sibling help make their food. This also encourages cooperation, which is a bonus.

Tips for breakfast & tidy up:

Prepare your pantry – Make sure to shop for groceries that can be prepared easily for breakfast. (Hot cereals, cold cereals, milk, juice, granola, yogurt, fruit, etc).
Have a designated breakfast spot – When left to their own devices, kids will eat anywhere… and leave messes everywhere. This also helps with clean up.
Teach safety & teamwork – There are some things older kids can do, but younger ones can’t. Maybe the older sibling can pour the bowl of cereal, but the younger one should be in charge or rinsing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher.

School mornings vs. weekend / summer / homeschooling mornings

Different times of the year call for different routines. School mornings are going to look and feel different than summer or more laid back mornings…

School mornings

We have all had those mornings where homework is somewhere on the kitchen table, socks are nowhere to be found, and their hair is half brushed… but this doesn’t have to be the norm.

If your kids are school aged and attend school outside the home, then you already have some sort of morning routine in play. Is it going as smoothly as you like?

Here are a few tips that can help calm down those school mornings:

Have a designated backpack location.
Make sure kids pack their bags the night before.
Assign a gathering place (when they are ready to go). This could be in a quiet spot by the door or even outside if safe. You don’t want everyone running around like crazy while you’re trying to get out the door.

More laid back mornings

It’s so important to get the day going on the right foot. For summer mornings or more laid back mornings, having a chore list or a special reading area is great.

Morning routines for kids doesn’t have to go out the window when you’re having a more relaxed morning. You can create more free flowing routines that still keep the basics of sanity in place.

How long does my child need to get ready in the morning?

With preparations the night before (clothes picked, bags packed, quick breakfast options), it might not take as long as expected for your child to get ready in the morning.rnrnI always say that planning ahead can really make the morning go smoothly. I plan for around 45 minutes to an hour on an average school day.

What is a good time for kids to wake up in the morning?

Children need 10-12 hours of sleep each night. Setting a wake-up time that suits YOUR schedule and arranging sleep routines to match that will be the ticket to knowing when your kids should wake up in the morning.rnrnFor example, if kids wake up about 6:30 AM then they should go to sleep about 7-8 PM. You will tweak this for your own family, but know that keeping them up later does not really mean they’ll sleep later.

What are healthy breakfast options for kids?

Fruits, grains, protein, and diary make up a healthy breakfast for kids. Try to choose items that are high in whole-grain (toast, cereal), packed with protein (eggs, yogurt, nuts), and include a variety healthy vitamins (fruits).rnrnAvoid highly processed foods that contain high fructose corn syrup, processed vegetable oils, and are sugar packed.

Is screen time okay early morning?

No. In fact, screen time will typically push the wake up time of your child earlier and earlier. Screens aren’t good for adults in the mornings nor children.rnrnSwap it out for reading or quiet play.

Sources:

A Surprising Root Of Mom Guilt – And 4 Ways To Overcome It

If you suffer from a case of mom guilt, may this post bring you encouragement.

I decided to lie in bed, look up at the ceiling, and think.

Just like women from the movies.

I put on comfy pajamas, got under warm covers, and thought about everything going wrong in my life. What can I say? I’m a realist.

Mainly, though, I was thinking about my Mom Guilt…

Where was this mom guilt coming from?

Why did I feel so out of sorts lately? Why were the kids all acting like something was Off and why did I seem on the verge of Mommy Tantrums so often?

I was doing a pretty good job of keeping a lid on my feelings in front of the kids, but mentally, the feelings were taking their toll.

Was it change of routine?

Lack of sleep?

Was my stress seeping over into our daily family life?

I had no idea.

So… I did what I normally do when I’m stressed about something- I buy a ton of books and try to find a solution.

After reading the first chapter of the first book I purchased, I immediately knew why my Mom Guilt had been rearing its ugly head. I now knew why some of my kids seemed a little distant and others seemed to be crying out for attention at every turn.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Start Now

Lack of Connection…

The holiday season had been wonderful, lots of time together. Then, the New Year began with a bang and we hadn’t quite caught up.

Rush here, rush there, and before I knew it… I hadn’t been making an effort to keep my children’s hearts close.

I was worried I was screwing them up,

worried they would never get along, and

worried they’d leave home, never talk again, and not come visit at Christmas.

mom who has the feeling of guilt with her little boy reading a book

Finally, I was worried about all the things that result from the one thing that was lacking in recent weeks…

Connection.

Great relief comes from knowing what the problem is!

4 Ways To Connect And Overcome Mom Guilt

As soon as I was able to pinpoint the issue, finding solutions became much simpler…

Whereas, before, I’d been spinning in a stress cycle… now I was able to break out and figure out how to help every child feel more connected and safe in our day to day.

Here’s my strategy:

1) Connect With Statements, Not Questions

If you want to immediately connect with your child, the easiest way is to make a comment, not a question. Asking questions can make kids feel on the spot, particularly shy kids.

Instead of putting kids on the defensive, get down to their level and make them feel comfortable.

Here are some example statements:

“Oh, you have a truck in your hand!”
“Your shoes light up.”
“You’re eating a banana. It looks like it tastes good.”

It’s nearly impossible to daze out and become absent when we are commenting on what’s happening in the here and now.

And… when you see more and more meaningful interactions with your children throughout the day, the mom guilt fades away on its own.

2) Put The Phone Down

It is normal to occasionally want to mentally escape. But, it’s unhealthy to continually be escaping into your phone. Put the phone down…

There, I said it.

It can be so overwhelming to take care of little ones all day. There are so many messes to clean up, toys to put away, mouths to feed, diapers to change and on and on and on...

I remember falling into my bed at 8:45 p.m. and wondering how I ever stayed up past midnight.

In those intense moments throughout the day, it’s so easy to reach for the phone.

But in reality…. 20 minutes later… you are pulled back to reality with needy children, a still messy house, and all those same feelings of stress!

That’s because reaching for the smartphone does not take away stress, it only increases it! The jury is no longer out. The research is overwhelmingly in. Smartphones – while useful in many areas – can actually cause us more stress than they relieve.

Is this you? Don’t worry…

smiling mom and laughing daughter reading

3) Have Regular Individual Time

We know spending time with our children individually is valuable. Instead of waiting until you have a few free hours and childcare for the other siblings, start with something as simple as 15 minutes.

15 Minutes can make a real difference…

Let your child decide what to do for those 15 minutes and day, and the next time, you decide.
Give your child the undivided attention they have been craving.
When you begin interacting with your child regularly without distraction, the connection becomes stronger and reconnecting becomes easier
Before you know it, the mom guilt you feel naturally subsides.

If regular 1:1 time helps those feelings of guilt subside, you know they were trying to lead you to more connection. Listen to them.

Read: How To Have 1:1 Time With Kids

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Discipline with Dignity

Discipline shouldn’t feel like a battle or a shot in the dark. This workshop gives you a clear, balanced plan for setting boundaries that build respect and responsibility—without yelling, harsh punishments, or constant power struggles.

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4) Make Time For Yourself Too

If you are desperate for time alone and then – when you have it – consumed by guilt you aren’t at home… alone time is what you need.

Work on the connection you have with your children and then you will feel more relaxed at the end of the day. Furthermore, when you sense your children are happy, it will be easier for you to take some guilt free time for yourself.

This will allow you to take time for yourself and know – deep down – that it’s okay.

Here’s what works for me…

Before I take some time for myself, I spend some quality time with my kids.
I get down at their level, comment on what they’ve been up to, and routinely spend one on one time with each.
Then, I plan something that I enjoy doing for myself (this doesn’t include hiding in the bathroom with my phone).

Once you get the balance down, the mom guild will fade. You’ll find yourself feeling more connected with your children and you’ll be able to enjoy some time doing what you want as well!

The Cycle to Avoid

If you find yourself in the cycle below, it’s not the end of the world. You’ve got this momma! Grab ahold of the time you have with your kiddos and try the 4 steps mentioned above!

You feel stressed and overwhelmed throughout the day and mentally escape to make it through.
The heart ties with your children suffer a bit which causes you guilt.
Mom guilt leads into worry and more stress
SO… then you need to escape to avoid feeling those feelings.
Now, you’re so consumed with escaping and avoiding stress you’re even less present with the kids.

Remember this: It all starts with connection.

Read: Finding Time For Yourself In The Everyday

I was getting crushed by mom guilt…

After going through a particularly stressful season (my father passing away, going under contract on a house, preparing to renovate and move, etc.) I found myself reaching for my phone Over and Over and Over.

Even while I did it, I hated it.

I’d go into my room to zone out for a few minutes then – when a tiny human came with a real need – I felt resentful they were interrupting my Instagramming or Facebooking or Houzzing or whatever I was doing.

I finally had a moment of clarity. The truth was, I actually did not enjoy this time on my smartphone. I was just so stressed I wanted to escape from reality. But I did NOT want to pull away from my children.

I could not allow myself to become a present but absent parent.

So I did the hard work – which turned out to be easier than I thought – and found freedom from my phone.

True freedom.

I started to enjoy the little moments again, started to feel alive and out of my head and into my own actual life.

Sources:

The Key To Happiness As A Mom – Embracing Your Season Of Life

No matter what season of life you are in, you’ll find more contentment if you learn to embrace the present instead of yearning for the future.

“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” (Eccl. 3:1).

Not only do seasons happen with our climate, they also happen in our lives. At certain times of our life we are in school.

Other times we are newlyweds. Later we’ll be in retirement. It is very normal and very right that we experience certain things at certain times.

Mom is embracing the season of life as she hugs her sleepy boy.

Motherhood is a season of life

Motherhood is a season of life for sure. Not only is motherhood a season of life, but there are seasons within motherhood as well.

There are seasons of diapers, seasons of times tables, and seasons of ball games. There are even seasons of being a tired mom. Soon enough, there are seasons where we’ll adapt to an empty nest.

Knowing our season and living it to the fullest will help us see above the daily grind. It will give us the perspective that we sometimes lack when we’re in the thick of it.

First, let’s talk about the importance of embracing each season…

What embracing your season of life will do for you

As a mom, one of the most beneficial things we can teach our children is to be content in the situation at hand. I tell my kids, “you’re strength shows when you are content in every situation.”

How often is that true for us as well?

Embracing the season of life you’re in will benefit you in many ways! Here are a few..

My son is hardening during this season of life.

1. You’ll know when and when not to plant

Depending on what you are growing, there are seasons to plant and seasons to harvest. For example, if you try to plant certain foods in the winter the cold temperatures will either prevent their growth entirely or kill them.

When you are staying at home with 3 children under the age of 5, this might not be the time to start a ministry at your church. Unless it’s a children’s ministry… then it may be the perfect time.
After a layoff might not be the right time to go all out and open up your own business. Or… it may be the perfect time.

If your family spends time in prayer and truly knows the season of life they’re in and can embraces it, they won’t plant seeds that will ultimately go to waste.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

13-18, 6-12

Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

Taking care of your mental health shouldn’t feel like another chore. This workshop shows you how to build simple, sustainable routines that support your well-being and your kid’s emotional health—without the stress or overthinking.

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2. You’ll know what to expect

I grew up in Florida. Though it is a mild climate, I never expected beach friendly temperatures in February. Why?

Because it’s winter in February!

I didn’t make big plans to go to the beach house and promise all my closest friends a good suntan. That would have been silly… However, we often do that to ourselves when we don’t correctly identify our season of motherhood.

Read: My “Daily Escape” to a Quiet Place & Why It’s Necessary

Here is the hard truth:

It’s okay to step down from various leadership positions.
In this season of motherhood, it’s all right if you have to back out of a few groups you were once active in.
If you expect you’ll be able to do everything you always did as well as you always did… you’re probably in for a reality check!
If you feel like you have to continue to do it all, get some hired help. Someone like a mother’s helper may work.

Mom is sitting on floor with toddler and trying to work during this season of life.

Having irrational expectations leads to disappointment and disillusionment.

If you continually try to keep up the same pace in every season of life, especially the season of motherhood- you may be headed towards burn out.

Read: Most Moms Forget About These Personal Needs. You Shouldn’t!

3. Embracing your season of life will allow you to be able to persevere

I pretty much hate cold weather. I lived in the UK for two and a half years and, at times, had to physically put my hand over my mouth just to stop myself from complaining about the grey skies and constant drizzle.

Because my favorite things to do require heat and sunshine, I found it altogether depressing. It was difficult, but I had to learn to embrace that season of my life…

I was able to persevere because our plans were to move to warmer and sunnier climes. I knew that!

Because I knew the season we were in… I was able to persevere.

In fact, in the last few months before we moved… I actually enjoyed a Scottish winter filled with freezing temperatures and snow.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Self-Care That Sticks

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Take a closer look at your season of life…

In this season of your life, maybe you don’t get to see your friends as much.
Perhaps you’ve gone out to eat as much this entire year as you did in one month a while back.
Maybe all your fancy clothes are gathering mothballs in storage or, even worse, they don’t fit.

Guess what, all of those things are ok! Embrace this season of life you’re in and you’ll be able to persevere past it!

If you know that your current season is special and will not last forever, you can persevere and push through the hard days.

4. You’ll have hope

There is hope when we feel dire, desperate, tired and weary.

When we’re wondering how the heck we’re going to make it another day, there is hope!

I believe God created seasons because He knows our capacity. His word says that he will not place on us more than we can handle. I often hear it said that it’s “always darkest before the dawn.”

There have been many a time in my life where I thought I was literally going to lose it. And then, all of a sudden, I laughed. I laughed because I knew that it honestly couldn’t get much worse so somehow – someway – God was going to show up and He was going to do it soon.

And He always did.

The seasons of life are for our good

Winter will end.

Spring will come.

Spring will turn into Summer and Summer will transition into Fall.

You can’t push it or pull it. You can run around the world trying to stay in your favorite season, but you’ll have to run forever.

Embracing your season means acceptance of of the fact that good times and hard times will come and go. Understanding this and accepting it’s nature will give you peace in every season of your life.

The key is to be content where you are. “Bloom where you’re planted”, as they say. Though they look different, each season has plants and flowers that are suited for survival.

Sources:

Boundaries: The Only Way To Stay Sane In Motherhood & Life

Here is a way to figure out what your healthy boundaries are in motherhood and how to use them to create family rules that work.

We like to think of our energy, moods, mental health, and emotions like fountains.

We take for granted that our well-being has a continuous reservoir from which to draw. It seems like we should be able to keep moving, shaking, and going like a fountain.

The water keeps going up then down and in and out and it’s never empty. It’s a 24 hour self-replenishing system that brings nourishment or enjoyment to others.

We imagine ourselves like this.

That feels beautiful and encouraging and uplifting. But I’ve found that we’re much less like fountains, and much more like something a lot more mundane. Boring. And finite.

I think our well-being and “okay-ness” (as I like to refer to it) are much more like bank accounts than fountains.

Bank accounts reflect what you put in, they don’t fill themselves.

Bank accounts have money to spend, but when the money runs out, they are empty.

And, when you spend money that isn’t there, bank accounts become overdrawn.

This is how the mom life is…

We don’t check our balances, we stop depositing into our account, and keep spending money (and ourselves) like we got an invisible Sugar Daddy.

Then we’re surprised and upset when we crash and burn. We don’t know what our emotional bank balance is… so we overdraw. The funds aren’t there, but we keep acting like they are.

➡️ So what keeps us from writing checks we can’t cash? Knowing (and living within) our boundaries and limits.

Without being mindful of your limits, it’s like you’re spending $21 on Reese’s when you only had $5.36 in the bank. You’re overdrawn and now you’ve got a deficit.

When you are overdrawn (yet keep drawing) what happens? Your bank attaches fees to these transactions. You end up paying EXTRA for these overdrafts.

⭐It’s like committing to an activity or responsibility you don’t have the lifespace for. You have no energy to do this well and the “fees” are bitterness, resentment, and exhaustion.

So that brings us to the obvious question…

son in pajamas stepping on moms toes in the living room

How Do You Figure Our Your Boundaries & Limits In Motherhood?

Luckily, what you are going to do here is figure out what your boundaries are, NOT try to create some that seem reasonable.

You don’t need to create boundaries because they are already inside you. Sure, you may need to create habits and routines that help you stay within your boundaries, but your boundaries are already there.

Before we go much further, let’s address what we actually mean by boundaries. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately in my Language of Listening^® group as we explore boundaries with kids. But before we even go there… we need to know our own.

Read: My “Daily Escape” to a Quiet Place & Why It’s Necessary

For the purposes of this post, boundaries are:

Routines, habits, and limits that (when respected and kept) guard our hearts (alla Prov. 4, in my opinion)
Deep beliefs about what is Okay and what is Not Okay
Likes and dislikes
Preferences that are (more or less) unchanging
Points at which you hit a “wall” and start behaving in ways you don’t like
Lines and limits that – when held firm – contribute to feelings of safety and well-being

A boundary says, “I can spend up to X amount of dollars before I am overdrawn and start collecting fees. Once we’re over that limit, I’ve got to somehow replenish my funds and make a plan for the future to stay within them.”

Note: You don’t need to try and make a list of boundaries all at once. You’ll notice they will start becoming obvious to you now that they’re on your radar!

Read: Mom Morning Routines That Bring Sanity & Order To Your Days

Read: Mom Burnout: A Hard But Freeing Truth

Deep Beliefs

What we believe deep down about things is very powerful.

It affects every aspect of our lives.

If you believe that family is the most important thing in this world then you will behave accordingly. You’ll sacrifice other pursuits and focus on your family. You’ll spend more money for the family than for anything else.

You’ll also probably not like if individual family members try to do their own thing too often, because this goes against your deep belief that Family Is The Most Important Thing.

If this is you, then prioritizing family is a boundary.

How This Looks In Real Life

You have 3 kids who are all into sports. Initially, you are cool with this because you value fitness, team building, and challenges. It happened gradually, but now it feels like all you do is pick up and drop off and take kids to practices. You eat out of the car a lot and are often out until late in the evenings. There are few family meals together and the schedule is so packed there is little down time.

You start feeling overwhelmed and resentful about the chauffeur role. Your child asks to go to a friend’s house and you feel almost rejected because – for goodness’ sake – you already barely see him! On the nights everyone is home, they don’t want to eat dinner together at the table and opt to hang out in their rooms a lot.

This makes you angry and defensive.

After all you do for them, they barely have time for you! I could go on, but this illustration shows…

⭐When your real life doesn’t seem to line up with what you believe deep inside, you become unsettled, uneasy, discontent, discouraged, angry, overdrawn, and or lots of other adjectives you don’t want to be described as.

Likes, Dislikes, & Preferences That Are (More Or Less) Unchanging

Many of us naturally ignore what we like and don’t like in favor of what we think we “should” like or not like.

This catches up with us.

What we like or don’t like aligns closely with what we believe. If we are living in the middle of numerous situations we don’t like we become discouraged. We feel powerless. Worry and anxiety set in.

We fill out gratitude journals until we’re blue in the face and pray that God would deliver us from our circumstances, but we’re still Ill At Ease because we don’t like what’s happening in our life. Or because what we DO like is NOT happening.

You like things neat and tidy, and do not like big messes.

healthy boundaries for moms

How This Looks In Real Life

The kids run around and make messes and at first you do well tidying up behind them. But this gets harder as you have more kids.

You buy that wooden sign that says “Never mind the mess my kids are making memories” so you can try to tame the cleaning beast inside, but it doesn’t work. You start getting moody when they leave toys everywhere. Your husband’s stray socks are all it takes for you to bite his head off.

These messes trigger you to yell, go into fight or flight, or explode.

You literally feel like everyone in the house is taking you for granted and purposefully trying to make you insane with their mess. You are now an *Enraged Cleaner* because even just going from room to room tidying MAKES YOU MAD because you just hate a mess. You are not going to be okay with it.

⭐When you feel like you are forced to live with something you Do Not Like, there is no peace.

Points at which you hit a “wall” and start behaving in ways you don’t like

This is the easy way to see that some of your boundaries have been crossed or your limits not honored:

You get Uptight and Out Of Sorts.

It’s that simple.

Think about the things that make you nuts throughout your day. When you find them, you’ll find your likes and dislikes and your boundaries.

little boy and mother lying on blanket and laughing

How This Looks In Real Life

➡️ Your child stays up until 10:30 p.m. each night and you get so annoyed and angry at bedtime.

⭐ Your boundary: you’re not okay with them staying up that late.

➡️ You hate dragging your kids to that weeknight commitment. You complain about it each week and wish it would just be cancelled or gone.

⭐ Your boundary: you want this time to be your own and you actually don’t like this commitment, but feel like you “shouldn’t” quit.

➡️ You yell at your kids because you’ve told them 5 times to come back to the table and they’ve ignored you.

⭐ You are 0% okay with the kids not listening to you.

mother holding up toddler outside and both laughing

So now we’ve done the hard work…

By this point, you are getting a better understanding of what your boundaries are. They are about what helps keep you okay. Sane. Not overwhelmed. Without intense feelings of anxiety and worry.

Boundaries are what help you carry out Proverbs 4:23 which says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it is the wellspring of life.”

In this post I talk about… how to hold your boundaries.

Sources:

Discouraged, Mama? This 5 Second Tip Will Help Turn Your Day Around

If you’re feeling like a truly discouraged mom right now, this mindset shift will help you to feel more positive, joyful, and content.

There I was, 11 weeks pregnant. Haggard. Worn out.

Tired and nauseous.

The kids had watched too much TV, the house was a mess, I had no clue if we had food to eat for lunch, much less dinner. And I just didn’t care.

I couldn’t care.

I felt so physically ill, mentally stressed, and completely overwhelmed that I was such a failure as a mom that I couldn’t even think about more than just getting through the day.

Truthfully, I was such a discouraged mom I felt I couldn’t even consider thinking about “solutions.”

pregnant discouraged mother holding her belly

Even though I knew this was a result of pregnancy, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d morphed from a productive woman into a sloth like couch potato who was doomed to ruin my children.

It was in this moment, and moments like these, that I found encouragement in the only way I knew how.

By reminding myself of this truth…

Life is like a video, not a photograph.

One moment does not define your life, it is made up of a huge string of moments.

You might be a discouraged mom today, and an over-the-moon mom tomorrow.

Read: Mom Morning Routines That Bring Sanity & Order To Your Days

Encouraging Strategies For Discouraged Moms

It’s not always easy to get out of that moment when we know we’re not living up to who we are or what we want to happen in our homes, but here’s how we can do it.

If you are deep in overwhelm and need to brainstorm to Get Out then try this overcoming overwhelm packet. It’ll lift your spirits as you work through it in your quiet time!

Focus on the average of your days, not one bad day

Just as you are a combination of body parts to make a whole, the entirety of your actions make up your character. Your knees aren’t as pretty as your eyes, but together they all function.

You may not be perfect at one thing, but you surely make up for it in other areas. You may not always cook a healthy dinner, but you do regularly and try to limit junk food.

Of course, you may yell on occasion, but overall you are a positive mother who affirms her children. When you’re feeling like a discouraged mom remember, no mother never yells.

You are your average, not one isolated moment.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Weary To Well

This 10-day reset will help you uncover what’s wearing you down (spoiler: it’s not just lack of sleep), set boundaries without guilt, and finally create space to breathe again. Because burnout isn’t your personality—it’s a signal things need to change.

Start Now

Keep a long term perspective

There are seasons that are harder than others. Pregnancy, newborn phase, job loss, moving home, relationship struggles, and loss of a loved one are examples.

You will often feel discouraged during these times.

You won’t always be able to respond perfectly in every scenario and sometimes life’s stressors are more than you can cope with at once in your own strength.

Remember, cliche phrase that it is, this too shall pass. It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Accepting your discouraged feelings without judging them

Covering up what you feel won’t make you feel better.

Saying “It’s not so bad, I don’t mind the house a mess, chaos is fine.” when it’s not true won’t make you feel better.

You won’t feel better because – to you – it’s not true. A more honest and effective phrase is

“The house is a mess, it bothers me, but it won’t be like this forever. I can cope for a time.”

It’s not allowing a pity party nor is it minimizing the failure or frustration you’re feeling.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Self-Care That Sticks

Start Now

Bounce back

This was actually the best advice I received pre-marriage. From my hairstylist who did my updo for the wedding.

Bounce back.

Acknowledge some days don’t go as planned.

Be honest with yourself about your needs.

Admit unhappiness. Not about your whole life, but about certain situations.

And then get up and bounce back.

Or, if you can’t yet get up, admit that it’ll take a bit to get up but that you will do what it takes when the time is right.

Sources:

Boundaries

You can’t make this stuff up

“Give me a minute.”

Don’t overuse it

Establish some ground rules

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Use the time wisely

Come back and explain

If you need a minute, take a minute

Want More Genius Phrases to Start Using Now?

50+ Connection Questions

Want some Helpful Phrases Printables?

Morning Routines & Rules For Kids That Actually Work

Start the night before

Routines To Cut Through The Crazy

An age appropriate “wake up time” that is set by YOU

There are a few ways to do this:

Make getting dressed a streamlined process

Kids day of the week garment bags are extremely helpful. Here is what I do:

Tidy up bedroom before coming out for the day

Breakfast (DIY for older kids)

Tips for breakfast & tidy up:

School mornings vs. weekend / summer / homeschooling mornings

School mornings

More laid back mornings

Routines To Cut Through The Crazy

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Where was this mom guilt coming from?

I had no idea.

Lack of Connection…

Connection.

4 Ways To Connect And Overcome Mom Guilt

Self-Care Routine Tracker

1) Connect With Statements, Not Questions

Here are some example statements:

50+ Connection Questions

2) Put The Phone Down

Bedtime Brain Release Sheet

3) Have Regular Individual Time

15 Minutes can make a real difference…

4) Make Time For Yourself Too

Here’s what works for me…

The Cycle to Avoid

I was getting crushed by mom guilt…

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

Motherhood is a season of life

What embracing your season of life will do for you

1. You’ll know when and when not to plant

2. You’ll know what to expect

Here is the hard truth:

3. Embracing your season of life will allow you to be able to persevere

Take a closer look at your season of life…

4. You’ll have hope

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

The seasons of life are for our good

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

How Do You Figure Our Your Boundaries & Limits In Motherhood?

Deep Beliefs

Likes, Dislikes, & Preferences That Are (More Or Less) Unchanging

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Points at which you hit a “wall” and start behaving in ways you don’t like

By reminding myself of this truth…

Encouraging Strategies For Discouraged Moms

Focus on the average of your days, not one bad day

Keep a long term perspective

Accepting your discouraged feelings without judging them

Bounce back