Noise Archives ~ Page 2 of 2 ~ Mother U

Have you ever wondered why your child’s screaming, whining or crying bothers you? Here’s why.

Even through the thick walls of our brick home, I heard it.

Screaming coming from outside.

Lots of screaming from more than one child.

We live in the sticks so there are any number of dangers… snakes and wild boars for starters.

I jumped up from my chair started running outside where the kids were. It felt like my heart dropped out of my chest as soon as the screaming started. It was like my entire body kicked into overdrive.

I was nervous, anxious, and angry all jumbled together. Hoping something terrible hadn’t happened, but also knowing that kids just scream. You know… because they’re kids.

So why do I get all worked up when my kids scream?

It’s honestly one of the biggest struggles of my role as a mother. Listening to all the dadgum screaming. Screams, squeals, high pitched yells.

They make me want to bang my head against a wall.

Is there something wrong with me that hearing my kids scream makes me want to scream back at them or the sky or an unsuspecting passerby?

Well, turns out… I’m not crazy.

Our bodies have a physiological response to screaming. Our heart races then drops. Our blood pressure skyrockets. Our brain signals the release of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol.

We become instantly on edge. The hormonal surge also causes our heart to pump blood more forcefully to our muscles and we get shaky.

Interestingly enough… screams also trigger our brain’s fear center and alarm circuit. And, the rougher (or louder and more severe) the scream, the greater the fear response.

So when we hear our children scream, our body is on alert. This is a mother’s innate response to make sure our children aren’t in danger or, if they are, to rescue them. We are hard-wired to respond to our children’s noises.

It only took me milliseconds to jump up and start running outside when I heard their screams.

And it is an amazing thing…

Unless my children are screaming and squealing for no good reason.

Which they usually are. All day long.

Every single stinking day.

At the end of the day, my body feels like I’ve been through the ringer. And, with 5 kids aged 6 and under, I have. There are many daily situations that cause my body to respond in dramatic ways.

My baby cries impatiently as I’m preparing his food… my heart races and my palms sweat. I move as fast as I possibly can because his crying is like a knife to my brain.
My 2-year-old takes a plastic toy car from my 3-year-old so he retaliates by hitting then they both start screaming and my body reacts instantly and dramatically like I was slapped. I want to let them sort out their own problems, but if I let them scream any longer my head will explode.
I’m resting on the soft couch reading a book for 5 seconds and I hear a BOOM. My body shoots upright and before I even hear a cry from down the hall and I’ve gone into fight or flight.

Read: When Motherhood Fries Your Nerves — How To Find Relief

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Self-Care That Sticks

In this workshop, you’ll ditch the “I don’t have time” excuse and build a flexible, doable self-care plan that fits into your real life. Because taking care of yourself shouldn’t feel like another thing on your to-do list.

Start Now

how to mentally survive the newborn phase

I’ll admit it…

I feel completely worn out by the end of the day.

I’m not so offensive I’d compare myself to a soldier in a war zone, but in my own way, our home is a toddler and preschooler battleground. I’m in a hyper-vigilant scanning-for-danger state from morning to night.

Except no one is really injured and I don’t actually need my fight or flight responses so, honestly, my body and brain are confused.

At 8:30 p.m. my body is saying, “I’m so exhausted and I feel like I haven’t slept in 3 years and I think my brain cells are dead and I am Past The Point.”

At 8:30 p.m. my mind is saying, “What is wrong with you? You didn’t even leave the house or put on real clothes, you should feel fine.”

Read: 5 Signs You’re A Depressed Mom — And How To Start Feeling Better

This is why moms are so dadgum tired.

Taking care of babies, toddlers, and preschoolers is like having heart attacks, hypoglycemic attacks, and lion attacks all day long.

To the brain, anyway.

This isn’t a complaint. It’s not a “woe is me.” It’s a simple observation about why I am completely exhausted by 9 p.m. each night, even if I haven’t “done anything.” I love being a mom more than I’ve ever loved anything in my whole life.

But ~~some~~ most days, my brain is mush.

Read: The Real Reason Moms Are So Tired (Hint… Hyper Vigilance)

How to Calm Your Fight Or Flight Response Quickly

Living in a hot zone, it’s important for our sanity we learn how to calm our fight or flight response. If we live in overdrive we’ll become angry moms.

As a highly sensitive person, I can’t live in this high stress state all day without becoming irritable and frustrated.

I’ve got to manage my stress response to screams, loud noises, and constant background chatter and here are some easy ways to do that.

Take a deep breath. When you hear screams, shouting, or loud noises that trigger fight-or-flight, stop and breathe deeply. This will help lower your heart rate and blood pressure and stop the progression of your physiological response.
Hot or cold. Ever noticed how stressed people in movies stick their head in the freezer? When we’re in fight or flight our body has taken over our mind and it’s simply reacting. Hot or cold sensations help bring you back. Hold a hot or cold beverage or suck on ice (like you did in labor).
Physical Movement. Do some jumping jacks, sit ups, or run in place for a few minutes. That physical intensity will wear you out and help you get back in touch with your body.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Weary To Well

This 10-day reset will help you uncover what’s wearing you down (spoiler: it’s not just lack of sleep), set boundaries without guilt, and finally create space to breathe again. Because burnout isn’t your personality—it’s a signal things need to change.

Start Now

So here’s what happened…

I ran through our house like a cheetah. Leaping over toys, baskets, and LEGO threatening to slow me down. The screams got louder and louder as I got closer, and when I got to the screen door I threw it open so hard it slammed against the wall.

I felt like I’d never moved so fast in my life, running to save my children in peril… and then I saw it. Saw them, actually.

Screaming. Squealing. Laughing.

They were happy.

My children, who apparently give me PTSD symptoms just because they’re alive, were happy. They weren’t scared, injured, or giving warning screams. They were happy screams. They were all muddy and wet and gross. And happy.

It stopped me in my tracks and for a minute I just stood there. Looking at them all sweet and innocent and childlike. I sighed dramatically (which helped lower my heart rate) and then turned around and went back inside.

Next time they scream I’ll ignore them, I told myself. Next time I’ll just take a deep breath and I won’t react like a crazed lioness defending her cub from hyenas.

But my brain might.

By now, you already know 7 ways to get noisy kids to quiet down. In that same vein, here are some instant ways to get your hyper kids to settle down. This is great for when you need to transition from something busy to something calm.

“Ahhh aaaahhhh, bang, bang, scrape, gotcha!!!”

My 4 oldest (5, 4, 3, and 1 years of age) ran around the house playing a game only children understand. 3 of them were – for some reason – fully naked, and the other was trying to remove his diaper with little success.

They were running from room to room trying to see how many beds they could jump on before they were forced to End Game.

Chickens Without Heads.

That pretty much describes my kids a lot of the time. And I’m cool with that. I like when they’re outside running around screaming like lions, tigers, and bears. Oh my. I even let them do it inside on occasion.

They are, after all, children.

I think it’s good for kids to get their energy and wiggles out in healthy ways. We’re past the days of “children should be seen and not heard.” That said, sometimes the hyper kids gotta settle down.

Sometimes they need to be Quiet and Peaceful. Sometimes they need to access their growing stores of self-control and calm right down.

Here are some ways I make that happen.

Quick and Effective Ways to Get Your Wild Ones Under Control

Before we get into the tricks, let’s assume a few things:

If need be, you’ve gotten down on their level and made eye contact to ensure your kids are listening.
You are speaking in an authoritative (not angry) voice.
You expect your kids to obey and, if not, you have a consequence.
You have a few minutes to remain with them where they are.

“Everyone come sit down on the floor.”

This is my favorite because it requires no pre-planning and can be done anywhere but a mud puddle. In fact, it can be done even in a mud puddle if you don’t mind laundry.

When the kids need enforced Heart-rate Settling, I’ll instruct them to sit down.

I’ll often say, “You’re not in trouble, but we have to calm down.” This is followed by the Why Why Why chorus, which I address.

While they’re sitting and sometimes wallowing, I’ll ask them questions or attempt to engage them in conversation. After a few minutes everyone is more calm and ready to transition to the next thing.

“Grab a book and get in a chair.”

This is one of my absolute favorite calm down tricks. It really works wonders because books are natural pulls for my children.

If the kids are insane and I need 20 minutes of silence, I’ll instruct them to get a pile of books and pick a seat in the living room. This is usually met immediately with whining – which I ignore – and then they dive in.

If they don’t want to read they have to sit still. Reading usually wins out. Plus, this is also a great way to increase your small ones’ reading stamina. By being forced to sit for longer they don’t give up on the activity instantly.

Read: The Calm Down Trick That Works Wonders

Boundaries & Behavior

Loving Authority

Being in charge doesn’t mean being harsh or heavy-handed—it means being steady, clear, and confident. This workshop will help you understand what healthy authority really looks like. When you know how to show up as a secure, grounded leader, your kids feel safe, and everyone starts listening.

Start Now

“Play time in your room.”

If things have gotten really out of hand – or if the kids are fighting amongst themselves more than normal – I’ll institute an impromptu independent play time. Each child goes into their own room (or a separate area of the house) and has their own toys to play with.

This helps build self-control, brings quiet, and gives them a chance to play their own games without their toys being stolen by siblings. After the initial hurdle, kids begin to love independent play time.

Read: How to Teach Kids To Play On Their Own

“Interview time!”

The kids love this. I love it too and often find out interesting tidbits I hadn’t known previously.

I’ll ask the kids to sit in a chair so we can take turns. I’ll go from one child to the next asking a certain question. Each child picks the question then they take turns answering it.

It may be as simple as, “What’s your favorite color?” or “What’s your favorite cartoon?” It might be more complicated or even completely random, but it gives everyone a chance to express themselves. Because they are paying attention to the conversation, the noise levels immediately drop.

Read: How to Get Kids Used to Answering Questions

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Bye, Bye Backtalk

Backtalk isn’t just annoying—it’s draining, discouraging, and makes even the simplest requests feel like full-blown negotiations. This workshop will give you a step-by-step plan to stop the constant pushback and start building respectful, two-way communication with your kids. Because when you know how to hold boundaries and help your child feel heard, the fight fizzles—and connection takes its place.

Start Now

“Chore time then more fun.”

We’ve discussed before how South Africans have a parenting trick we could all learn from. Transitions are hard. When you go from one thing to the next, it’s often wise to have a bridge activity.

If you need to get chores done, and know your children will likely fight it, put chore time in front of another activity they love. It may be chore time before screen time or chore time before outside time.

Give them an incentive to push through chores and you’ll be surprised how fast they work. Now, the key is to focus on the activity that’ll happen after chores are completed. “Right now we’re going to do chores, after that we’re going for a swim!”

And let’s remember…

Kids get hyper.

They love to get excited.

And that’s good. Because play is good.

And anyway one day they’ll be gone and this is what we’ll be thinking…

Silence is so freaking loud! S. Dessen

The Scientific Reason Moms Hate Screaming

So why do I get all worked up when my kids scream?

And it is an amazing thing…