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What I Learned at the Public Pool

We don’t have a pool. I wish it were different, and being a Florida girl at heart who swam almost every summer day growing up, it can tend to gnaw at your insides. So, in an effort to be content with where we’re at and still get to swim, we go to the nearby public pool. We went to the pool the other day for a few hours and this is what I learned.

1) Kids are in serious need of affirmation these days. As I was sitting on the curb watching my daughter, I pass a “my you’re a fish” here and a “what a pretty pink hat” there and a “boy, you are a brave one” around. Before I knew it I had a gaggle of kids just hanging out by the edge talking to me. They wanted to show me their tricks, tell me about their siblings and just talk. I could literally see how much the effect of one compliment from a total stranger had on their emotional mood in that moment. For a kid to forget swimming and sit (in 5 inch water) just to talk to a grown-up shows the desperate state of children in the world today.

2) It’s okay to have a cautious kid. I spend far too much time worrying, and one thing I’ve worried about is whether or not my toddler is afraid to try new things. She’d slowly go down the steps, go towards the centre, splash, gently get down on all fours, dip her face in, all the while looking dainty and cautious. Then I had a moment. I have them frequently. I realised that she is not scared, she is simply wise. Sure, some kids will be naturally more adventurous and run and take risks. But, having a child who sees need for precaution when entering a body of water, is not a bad thing. I think my oldest daughter will be one who considers her actions before just diving in (pun intended). And, truth be told, I think that’s okay.

3) Things that are normal in one country may get you dirty looks or incessant praise in another. Australia is maybe skin cancer capital of the world. School kids are required to wear hats and there are skin cancer screening clinics around every corner. At the pool, I have my daughter in normal little bathing suits (as in, a one pieces) that we get from the States. Some people have given me the proper evil eye as though I am trying to permanently damage my daughter’s skin. Never mind that she has SPF 50 caked on so thick she looks like a Victorian queen. I am redeemed, however, by the other half of mothers. They go on about how cute my daughter’s swimsuits are because here, I think you can only find wetsuit tops and bottoms (rashers) in her size. I tell myself to ignore the dirty looks since two hours in the sun with enough sunscreen on to drown a rat won’t hurt her. And I thank my mother for the end of season clearance suits she scores for a prize in the States. Ah well, you win some you lose some.

Related Reads:

Why There’s No Sense in Reasoning with Toddlers

Reasoning with toddlers is a bad habit to start. I am going to explain ways to avoid meltdowns and when it is necessary to avoid battles for everyone’s sanity.

Have you ever been challenged to a dual? Chances are, if you’re raising children… you have!

I’m referring to the one-on-one battle of the wills, if you will.

Never fear, stay steadfast, and realize what is really happening with your toddler here:

Your child is not able to navigate reasoning the situation. So… truthfully, there’s just no sense in reasoning with toddlers.

Don’t get me wrong, children need to be in conversation about their feelings, likes, and dislikes. This is very important. However, when it comes to certain things… reasoning usually turns into meaningless arguing.

Let’s take a closer look at why reasoning with small children is not a good habit to start.

While babies, toddlers and younger children can be fairly logical – i.e., if I cry mom will come, if I smile I’ll get smiled at, if I scream I’ll get what I want, etc. – they are primarily emotional beings.

Because they are emotional and into instant gratification, attempting to rationally and logically reasoning with toddlers will not work. It will leave you both frustrated.

Here are some thoughts on reasoning with toddlers:

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!

Reasoning with Toddlers Leads to Loss of Authority

There will be times when you ask them what they want and you give it to them. Then, there will be times when you have required them to do something and they are trying to get out of it.

If they have effectively engaged you in a power struggle then you’re already behind.

Before the struggle gets fully under way, you must act in a way to curb it:

  • A power struggle goes something like this, “Do what I say and follow my instructions, I’m the boss” to which they repeatedly reply “No, I don’t want to. No!!”  
  • If you push too hard and don’t leave room for your little one’s emotions, you’ll come into their counter will
  • Toddlers will respond to authority when structure is in place and they know what to expect.
  • Reasoning limits your authority and places it into their little hands to analyze and “accept” or “deny.”

Read: Time In Vs. Time Out … and is Time Out Damaging Kids?

Choice is Healthy, Power Struggles Are Not

Choices are a good thing.

They teach decision-making skills and how to deal with Logical Consequences. It is good training for them and allows them freedom of expression and individuality.

Reasoning with toddlers is different than giving them healthy choices. Reasoning is when you’re trying to cajole them into doing something.

A choice is:

  • Picking out your own clothes,
  • choosing their snack,
  • or, selecting an activity or game to play.
  • Which book can I read you?
  • What puzzle do you want to do now?

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Discipline with Dignity

Discipline shouldn’t feel like a battle or a shot in the dark. This workshop gives you a clear, balanced plan for setting boundaries that build respect and responsibility—without yelling, harsh punishments, or constant power struggles.
Start Now

Bargaining Doesn’t Work

Bargaining is a bad habit… and it’s a habit that sticks if you’re not careful. Let me explain:

If a child learns early that bargaining works on you, it only gets worse the older they get.

Kids are better bargainers than those guys working the markets in Europe.

$50? No? $35? as he follows you down the aisle. $15? Final offer!

“Sold,” you say thinking, “Aha, sucker!” as you walk away with your fake pearl badly plated adjustable ring that breaks twenty minutes later when you dig your diet coke out of your purse.

Bargainers are crafty and they are persistent. 

If the rule is “you can’t go to the park if your homework isn’t done” then that’s it. When park time rolls around and they haven’t done their homework, then they start in.

“I’ll do it when I get back. So-and-so never has to do his homework. Don’t be so mean. You never let me have any fun.”

This is where you start singing your favourite song in your head to block them out or you go to another room. Whatever your method, forget the park. The park is no longer an option. You have stood your ground. You know that reasoning with toddlers doesn’t work.

So much of parenting revolves around being consistent and staying true to your word. If you say something off the table, that going back on your word leads to bargaining children… and they wont stop!

It’s as simple as this:

  • Let your “yes” be yes.
  • Let your “no” really mean no.
  • Don’t fold under pressure.
  • Instead, offer a peaceable retailiation.
  • If you’re already in the habit of bargaining, offer negative consequences for an offered bargain. This works like a charm…

Read: Quiet time (Rest time) for Toddlers: All You Need to Know

Toddlers Only Know What They Want

Toddlers are emotional and want- what they want… right now! The truth is, they don’t actually know what’s good for them.

The whole point of Discipline is to teach them to do what is best for them. Discipline should not just be synonymous with punishment.

Discipline actually means training. It’s out job to train our children and that involves being the authority to say “no” without having to deal with a meltdown.

Toddlers are emotional and, while fairly logical, they are still childish. So… understand that you are the parent and you know what is best.

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Bye, Bye Backtalk

Backtalk isn’t just annoying—it’s draining, discouraging, and makes even the simplest requests feel like full-blown negotiations. This workshop will give you a step-by-step plan to stop the constant pushback and start building respectful, two-way communication with your kids. Because when you know how to hold boundaries and help your child feel heard, the fight fizzles—and connection takes its place.
Start Now

Reasoning with Toddlers Does Not Make Them Weary

Kid’t don’t grow battle weary like adults. In fact, the opposite seams to be true. They gain energy and spitefulness from arguing.

Trying to reason your decisions with your toddlers will eventually lead to many arguments that will tire you out.. not them.

Long before they are finished crying/screaming/reasoning/pouting/fussing you are ready to throw in the towel.

You’ll eventually give in…

  • “Fine, who cares, it’s not a big deal anyway, just be quiet,” you are thinking.
  • If you engage with them then it may be hard to outlast them.
  • The way to avoid power struggles is to not let them get started in the first place.
  • If you ask them to do a chore and they say no, depending on their age, either take them to that area and get them started or remove them from the current situation to time out (or your family equivalent).
  • If they are watching TV and ignoring you, turn the TV off. Don’t even engage them in battle.

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!

Children are the best things in the world and, most of the time, it is truly our pleasure to please them.

Sometimes, however, when it’s for their own good, we have to know when to dig our heels in.

Sources:

What I Learned at a birthday party

I planned a birthday party for my boss recently. I have yet to enter the birthday-party-every-weekend phase of life since my children are a little young for that, but boy did I get a taste of what’s to come.

Here’s what I learned:

1) Adults are way more concerned with party decor than kids. Back before pinterest we could only compare our party efforts to those of our friends and neighbours. Now, oh goody, we can compare ourselves to women all over the world. Three yards of multi-patterned fabric bunting with embroidered monogram. Pom poms, topiaries and garland – homemade – of course. When I was growing up there was a $2.50 Happy Birthday banner from Wal-Mart and some balloons. Did we have fun? I’m pretty sure we did. I don’t recall hearing a friend say “man, this party would sure be kickin’ if Jimmy had his name on the wall in decoupage letters.” Party favours. I mean really. No favour bag? Sorry, my favour was looking after your child for two hours and giving her sugar.

2) Kids don’t need fancy food. Gone are the days of cake from Publix and vanilla ice cream. Now it’s a whole new species. In 2012, we budget for birthday parties year round. Entire tables of food that make a pop sound. Cupcakes with life-size butterflies, rose petals and miniature dachsunds made of fondant. Cake balls and mini tarts and a whole assortment of food children don’t even like. Now, don’t get me wrong. I did slave away in the kitchen making cupcakes and rainbow coloured sugar cookies. Know what the kids wanted? Smarties and teddy grahams. I would have felt slightly demoralised had I not seen the adults scarfing down the cupcakes. Glad the chaperones were pleased.

3) Entertainment is where it’s at. There was a clown at this party. A clown who, for two whole hours, entertained the kids.  He played pass the parcel (Australia’s version of hot potato). He chased and ran and danced and sang. He let the kids hit him with the balloon animals he made. The children were screaming with laughter and the adults, well, they just sat back and ate cupcakes. My kind of party.

If us parents could stop competing with the phantom Pinterest Stepford Wives and forfeit the neurotic comparison game, we just might have more fun.

Related Reads:

Honor Respect + Authority

7 Secrets of Successful Families puts it like this:

“The parents who do not exercise righteous authority and require their children to obey and honour them aren’t only creating problems for themselves and society; they are also cursing their children with a life of problems….We must unapologetically begin to exercise righteous parental authority. It is an essential element for domestic success and survival. When proper parental authority is present, it creates the framework for lasting, loving relationships. When it is absent, it invites the most horrible influences from within and without to destroy one’s marriage and family.” 

Everybody answers to somebody. Even the President of the United States answers to others. We all answer to God. No one is an island! It is essential that our children know the value and safety that comes with respecting their parental authority. In fact, when they rightfully honour and obey their parents they are taken care of, provided for, and trained in a way that allows them to blossom and contribute positively to both society and their own future families.

Parents, by position, have a certain authority. They know more, they are the breadwinners, and they birthed the baby. This is not a master/slave relationship, but more of a mentor/mentee relationship. Part of a parent’s job is to teach, train, discipline, grow, and shape the little human into the big human they will become. However, human nature rears its ugly head oh-so-early and little ones think they know it all. No, I don’t need to eat. Yes, I need to stay up until 3am playing xbox. No, I don’t need to do my homework. Yes, I need to talk on the phone for 13 hours.

Part of our role as a parent is to show children the wise way, the way that is good for them. That won’t always be the thing they want to do, in fact, the younger they are, it will often be the exact opposite. When children respect your authority and position and learn that you mean business, they will – if reluctantly – follow your lead. By doing this they’ll grow in self-control and after experience up on experience they’ll begin to see that maybe – just maybe – you know what you’re talking about. (If you, in fact, do know what you are talking about).

Some points on honouring, obeying, and respecting authority:

1) Parents run the house, not the children. The dynamic of the home with children and without children will surely be different, but this doesn’t mean a child’s whim reigns supreme. Meal time may be earlier (and wake time, for that matter). The home decor may take on a bit more of a, um, plastic primary colour scheme. Routine that best serves the child will be followed, and so on and so on. However, a house where the parents “wear the pants” will be one of order. Plans won’t change and a child doesn’t get to determine the path just because they cry, throw a tantrum, give the silent treatment, or lock themselves in their room. This is not to say that parents don’t take into account their children’s wishes. Of course they do. But if everything drops at the first sign of a child’s discontent, there will be major problems when they hit teenage years. Contrary to what we may initially think, letting children make important decisions will only breed their insecurity. Inside, they know they are not as wise as you, they know you are supposed to be the boss, and they know that you have delegated your own authority to them. This will cause disdain and contempt in their attitude towards you. [Read more…] about Honor Respect + Authority

Can you have a Life and a Routine?

If you aren’t a routine type of person then you probably won’t relate. Having daily routines means that you and the kids know what’s going to happen and when. This is convenient for you as you can plan your day. When people ask to come over you can give them times that work. No one wakes up a sleeping baby and everyone is happier. Routine brings security to children as they know what to expect and when to expect it. Babies and children who live in order and routine are well-rested and content.

There needn’t be incessant crying or fussing because mealtime is predictable. They aren’t tired or worn out because they sleep at regular intervals. They don’t stay up until 11pm just because they felt like it and didn’t act tired. Routine dictates what happens. Of course, it will need to be flexible because there are always exceptions to the rule, but when the exception becomes the rule then you’ve wandered into dangerous territory.

However, one “downside” to routine is that it often leaves little precious free time. As a mother of two young children I often find it difficult to have a social life when I want them to be home for their naps. One is a 3-hour-afternoon napper since she’s older. The younger still takes three 2 hour naps throughout the day.

I often have an hour or two of rest while they’re both asleep to work, pay bills, or do household projects. Lots of going out causes concern because tiredness creates fussiness and I worry that an adventure will turn into a nightmare fast if they don’t fall asleep in the stroller. The downside to a happy-home-napper is an I-won’t-sleep-if-I’m-not-in-my-crib-napper.

I’ve thought a lot about keeping socially active while having littles and have come to a few conclusions.

1) They are only little for a short time. 

It might feel like forever when you haven’t seen a movie in a year or don’t have a babysitter. The days at home might drag on and on without excitement. But actually, time flies by so fast they are in preschool and then kindergarten before you know it. If you have to stay home a lot to keep your children well-rested and happy, then know it’s only short-term.

[Read more…] about Can you have a Life and a Routine?

Natural Childbirth: to give birth or be delivered

I can distinctly remember saying as a young woman “when I have a baby, just give me the drugs and shut up about it.” Then I “fell” pregnant, as they say in Australia, and someone sent me a book on The Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth. I’m not sure why I decided to do it.  Perhaps it was the author comparing women giving birth to cows and cats. I thought he was gutsy. I had 6 months with nothing much to do so I decided to take the challenge to give birth naturally.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think drugs are bad or that you’re a better mom if you go natural. However, I have to say that afterwards, it feels pretty dang good. I think it’s all in how you view labor and birth. Are you birthing a baby or getting delivered of something (exorcist, anyone?). If you take the latter perspective, the you’d feel the need for drugs because it seems like something wrong is happening. The former, you can say “this is natural, my body was made for this, women in China give birth on the rice paddy and go right back to work.” Pep talks. I did the stretches, exercises, I walked and practiced the positions and relaxing.

After birthing two babies naturally, here is what I think based on my experience:

1) Labor doesn’t have to hurt as bad as they say it does.

Maybe it’s all those movies with women screaming. Maybe it’s the wives’ tales or the negative anticipation of the whole thing, but it isn’t as painful as the hype (now this was just my experience so it will be different for everyone) . To be blunt, it just felt like strong period cramps . But, as opposed to period cramps, it’s a contraction with a purpose and that makes all the difference. I am not tough and I’m a redhead. Don’t we have a low pain threshold? With my second baby, I didn’t even really start “working hard” until I was 9cm. Then a few painful pushes and meet-the-baby! I wouldn’t dream of taking medicine just for a few minutes of relief.  It takes far longer to get over the effects of the drugs than that. [Read more…] about Natural Childbirth: to give birth or be delivered

“Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours” book review

Dr. Leman’s book, “Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours” is a hilarious helpful book on family and discipline for kids.

This is an absolute must-read for parents looking to get their children to mind. It should be easy, huh? You say “no” they say “okay.” You say “clean your room” they say “should I vacuum too?” But, alas, in reality that is often not the case.

Your own discipline habits as well as the personalities of your children play a part in how orderly the house runs.

The main premise of this book is that we should use reality discipline to discipline our children. This concept basically says that we should let real consequences – reality – teach our children the lessons they need to know.

He touches on issues such as dinner in the evenings (a battlefield over eating in many homes), waking up without buckets of cold water splashed on the face in the morning, fighting between siblings, financial responsibility and so much more.

He’s funny. He’s obviously a loving father, but doesn’t hesitate to “pull the rug out from under” his children. He explains that concept in the book too, and I think it’s a pivotal every-parent-must-grasp concept.

Read: Advice For New Parents That’ll Help You Rest And Relax (And Enjoy Baby)

In short, buy this book. Buy it for your friends who children are leading yours astray. Buy it for mothers whose children are no longer toddlers.

And make your husband read it. Or at least explain him the concepts. I love a good parenting strategy and this offers you one. One without having to engage in a battle-of-the-will with your little ones.

If you feel you’ve lost some authority in your home then this may very well help you get it back.

Related Reads:

The Happy Cycle

There is a little something I like to call the Happy Cycle. It exists everywhere. Or more accurately, it and its counterpart – the Unappy Cycle – exist everywhere.

When I notice the mood in our house has become unpleasant I examine where we jumped off the happy cycle then I do what I can to get back on it. Since toddlers and young children aren’t quite able to mood-regulate and make mature “your happiness over mine” decisions at their age, the responsibility falls on us.

Read: Time In Vs. Time Out … and is Time Out Damaging Kids?

I choose to get back on the happy cycle and I purposefully act with more patience, attention and quality time. It quickly becomes natural again and then…you guessed it! They become happier. When they are happy they are sweet and when they are sweet I am happy.

Simple. So simple it probably seems stupid to even spell it out. Or maybe you think it’s too simple to be effective. It works. If you don’t believe me, then Weigh Test + Measure it yourself.

Mothers are the thermostat of the house and it’s our job to stay level. Staying level is more energy efficient. Off and on and off and on is more costly in the end. More costly for the whole family!

Read: Advice For New Parents That’ll Help You Rest And Relax (And Enjoy Baby)

Weigh Test + Measure

Weigh, Test and Measure. That’s the name of the game. When attempting to implement a form of discipline, training or work toward a goal in your home there is an easy way you can go about it. Hear me out, naysayers, I know parenting is not formulaic. But even the best chef knows there certain ratios that work and others that don’t. When your job’s on the line, winging it just doesn’t cut the mustard. Nobody may be threatening to fire you at your house, but without a plan you could end up begging for an early retirement. In Florida. Alone.

What do I mean by weigh, test + measure? Ah, I thought you’d never ask.

Weigh. Determine what the “issue” is. Is there a behaviour you want to get rid of? Is there a goal you’d like to work towards? Is there a habit that needs eradicating? This step is where you determine what you want and make a plan to get there.

Test. This is where you test out your plan. What a creative name. I know.

Measure. Determine the result. Did it fully work? Did it sorta work? Are things worse? Here is where you step back, evaluate the outcome and go forward again. Continue your test for at least a week or two.

Tweak if necessary. Plan A didn’t work, no worries. Change it up and give Plan B a shot.

Let me give you two examples.

Example 1 – The Terrible Tantrums
Weigh – You want to nip the tantrum habit in the bud (although tantrums aren’t always so bad). You determine to eradicate this behaviour by completely ignoring the tantrum then immediately giving positive feedback on other areas when possible.

Test – Toddler emotional breakdown on aisle 5. He hits the deck like there’s an air raid in progress and screams. You thoughtfully step over him as you continue down the aisle and keep moving away, though keeping him in view. The next positive thing you can find to praise him on you do. Continue this method for at least a week.

Measure – The frequency of tantrums decreased until there hasn’t been one in two days. You determine the “ignore the bad behaviour which was only for attention anyway” method worked in this particular case.

Read: Advice For New Parents That’ll Help You Rest And Relax (And Enjoy Baby) [Read more…] about Weigh Test + Measure

How to Teach Your Children Patience

As a mother of young children, have you ever wondered if it’s possible to teach your toddler patience?First time moms, this will help you immensely in the years to come. Mother-of-a-few who really needs to teach this lesson, don’t worry, you’re covered too. Remember, building patience takes time and discipline not just for them, but for you too.

Children are born wanting what they want when they want it. Don’t we know it. As an impatient adult I knew it was important to instil as much patience as possible in my children so they did not end up as frequently frustrated as myself. Learning to deal with frustration is a basic life skill and there is no time to start than when they are…one day old. Okay, that may be too early. Day three is better, at least you’re home from the hospital then.

The best way to go about this is to let your children learn to wait from an early age. Not waiting for the sake of “teaching them a lesson” but just letting them learn to understand that they can’t have everything instantly. If they learn to wait as patiently as they can at their age they are much more equipped to deal with it as an adult. And let’s face it. Life will be easier for you at home.

There are many ways to do this. Having it on your mind early that “patience is a virtue”
will help determine a loose strategy for creating a child you enjoy being around. Children who are patient are more pleasant company because they don’t resort to whining at the frequency of other children. Whining, my friends, is the enemy.

Practical tips to foster patience in your child:

1. Make them wait in the high chair/booster seat/chair for a set time during meals. 

Just because they finished their spaghetti in a record 57 seconds does not mean they can be excused. While you might not make them sit the entire 45 minutes you do while sipping your wine, having a standard time of around 30 minutes is acceptable. If the child knows they cannot leave the table just because they inhale their food, they will eat slower and be more likely to engage with you as they grow older. If they have done this since Day 1 (of being at the table with you) it will not be something you have to “punish” them with, it will simply be a way of life in your family. [Read more…] about How to Teach Your Children Patience

“Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” book review

Want some cliff’s notes of the Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mom? This summary will give you an idea if it’s a book you’d like to read.

If you are like me (let’s hope you aren’t) and slightly neurotic about your child’s education, preparation and development, then this book is highly entertaining.

A how-to?

No, not really. Unless you consider hours of music practice a day (for both mother and child) including weekends and vacations a good method.

If you are a laid-back-fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type then you’ll probably hate this book and become outraged that the children weren’t given a chance to “be children.”

Though somewhat exaggerated, there are some great points and thoughts I took from the book.

1) Chinese people are not outrageously successful in sports, business and technology by coincidence. They are hard-working and focused and raise children that way. Kids learn to work hard at a young age and if we don’t teach it, they’ll have a hard time picking it up later.

2) Western parents underestimate a child’s ability to work hard and still turn out okay. We shouldn’t coddle, spoil and shelter and particularly not because we are worried about their confidence.

3) It is perfectly okay to make kids do some things they don’t want to do. In fact, it’s good for them. Letting your kids grow up thinking they never have to do anything that isn’t their idea will set them up for some major disappointment and, might I add, reality checks.

All in all, if you read it as a satirical memoir as the author intended, you will be entertained.

Related Reads:

Babywise, Babywise II, and Toddlerwise Overview

Inside: If you are researching babywise and want to know whether to pull the trigger, learn exactly what Babywise and Toddlerwise focus on and how to implement.

Babywise Book Review

Babywise is a method for training your children to sleep well and to sleep well early.

I have used this method for five children. It works.

It really works.

In fact, I have bought this book for every pregnant friend who’d read it since I have used it.

This book outlines a basic eat, wake, sleep cycle so that by 3 months your baby is sleeping 10-12 hours a night uninterrupted. Sound pie in the sky?

Trust me, it isn’t. Buying this book will be one of the best parenting decisions you’ll make. The basic method involves feeding your baby every 2.5 to 3 hours with a full feed.

No snacking.

You’ll then play with the baby for a short time and put the baby to sleep. According to Babywise, the key is to put the baby to sleep in the crib drowsy but awake.

Related Reads:

newborn baby's feet, baby on bed while mom researches babywise

What Babywise Says About Crying

Babies may cry initially to help put themselves to sleep, but by 3 months will go to sleep without crying and will wake up happily. Well rested children play better, learn better and are generally better behaved.

By having your child follow a flexible routine they will receive the benefits of order and structure and the results will be obvious.

Read: 8 Reasons You Have A Whiny Baby

Other Information In The Babywise Book

The authors say that other parents will comment “your child is so sweet” and “your child is so well behaved.”

First time parents will often hear “wait until your second child…”. But having good children is not a coincidence, it is the result of your effort and discipline.

The authors state that baby wise mothers consistently hear how “lucky” they are. It has proven true in my case.

There is a lot more to the book and the benefits are outlined as well as contrasted to other methods of parenting, particularly on demand feeding.

Read: Ultimate Newborn Sleep Schedule: Week By Week

My Early Experience With Babywise

My experience with Babywise coincides with the book very closely. By 3 months both children were sleeping through the night and napping well.

My 16 month old still naps two long naps a day and 12 hours at night, from 7:45pm to 7:45am. I put her down for a nap at the time of my choosing and she sleeps well and wakes up happy.

I put her down in the evenings and she sleeps soundly all night.

She is sweet spirited, well behaved, and other parents always comment on how calm and content she is.

My son, only 3 months, goes down for a nap at a time of my choosing without making a peep about 85% of the time.

Related Reads:

mother nursing baby following the babywise guidelines

He sleeps from 11 to 8 and feeds and naps at regular intervals throughout the day. He is peaceful and content.

I recommend this book if you desire to run an ordered home. My daughter is 16 months and my son is 3 months and nap times, bedtimes, and wake times are predictable and routine.

I am well rested, they are well rested and our house is peaceful.

Go here for tons of information, testimonials, questions, tips and advice on the Babywise method.

Babywise II Book Review

This follows the Babywise series and focuses on babies and toddlers ages approximately 10 to 18 months.

In short, it gives parenting tips on discipline, teaching “no”, instiling manners, and how not to frustrate yourself and your children by granting freedoms they are not yet able to manage.

Very interesting. Very helpful.

Salient points for those of you wondering whether to bite the bullet and buy.

Related Reads:

Main Points Included In Babywise II

1) Provides a discipline strategy to foster first time obedience. There is a practical 3 step process on how to teach your baby to obey. Spoiler: it ain’t counting to 3.

2) Manners. Manners training, believe it or not, can begin in the high chair. The book discusses common high chair behaviors that, when used as opportunities for training, provide a platform for teaching your baby to do what is expected of them.

It says that mothers don’t need to pull out the ole inflatable-pool-under-the-high-chair routine to keep the house clean, but must simply teach manners using the 3 step discipline process.

I’ve tried it. It works.

baby sleeping

3) Parenting inside the funnel. To shorten a few pages into a few sentences, this concept means granting your child freedoms based on their proven levels of self-control.

  • Freedoms greater than level of self-control = developmental confusion
  • Freedoms less than self-control = developmental frustration
  • Lastly, freedoms equal to self-control = developmental harmony

4) Childishness verses foolishness. This is a very good concept to grab hold of. When a child touches your hot cup of coffee because he doesn’t know any better he’s childish. Childishness requires instruction and training.

When a child touches your hot cup of coffee after you’ve repeatedly told him not to, he’s foolish. Foolishness requires discipline.

5) Credit card parenting. Credit card parenting in action says “I don’t want to bother with that behavior now, we’ll deal with it later.”

This is putting off training until after a bad habit has already been ingrained in the child. Like a credit card, you’ll still have to pay (train), but you’ll do it with interest.

I won’t give any more away, but I heartily suggest this book for any mother who wants to feel more informed.

It will help provide a strategy that will allow for consistent and repetitious training by you so your baby knows what to expect and can act accordingly.

toddler outside reaching up to camera, mother doing toddlerwise

Toddlerwise Book Review

I’ve talked Babywise until everyone is gagging, I know. That’s why I decided to talk Toddlerwise. A respite from your gagging but still giving you good stuff to swallow.

This book is from the same ‘wise’ family and authors but for the young toddlers. The book is good. Really good.

If you are neurotic like me – let’s hope you aren’t – then it can become a bit daunting if you think you must tackle every single thing during the day in perfect order all the time.

If you let go of that and realize, hey, it’s right to shoot high and it’s right to hold a high standard, but it’s necessary to do your best and then let the rest go.

Is Toddlerwise Legalistic?

I’ve heard some say Toddlerwise is legalistic and, if taken to the letter of the law without the right heart, parts definitely read that way.

However, I think it’s been helpful for us and has given me a lot of security and comfort knowing I have a strategy and plan for the things toddler-dom brings along.

Highlights worth noting.

(1) Structuring the day. 

This section is intimidating at first, seeing the different types of activities to put into your toddler’s day. But it becomes like second nature.

It basically comes down to …

  • a) time you spend with them
  • b) time they spend alone
  • c) time they spend alone with their siblings
  • d) time everyone spends freely together.

In the mornings the kids have independent time while I get the house together and the day in order.

After the afternoon naps while I’m trying to cook I put them both in one of their rooms to play alone together. It’s really just about giving specific times to specific general activities so that the house and day runs smoothly.

child at table with family, family doing toddlerwise

(2) Mealtime guidelines. 

My daughter used to eat huge amounts of food and now since becoming a toddler, eats like a bird.

Toddlerwise suggests serving them with small amounts of food and drink, only refilling and giving more when they are finished.

This helps prevent wasted food and lots of food power struggles since many times they don’t want to eat because they simply aren’t hungry and the food on their plate that will go to waste is taunting us.

(3) Reasoning well. 

Chapter 5 talks about using reason to make parenting decisions. We often read that a certain way works and get it into our heads that we have to do that.

Instead, we need to have some basic strategies in place and then use our reason to make wise decisions. If we are trying one form of discipline that doesn’t work, we can simply choose another strategy and see how that goes.

(4) Disciplinary tools.

The book gives great examples of behavior correction options.

Isolation (time out, essentially), redirection (distracting them, substituting their activity for an acceptable one, or putting them onto another activity), natural consequences (if they throw their plate on the floor, they are done with dinner), loss of privilege (one action leads to the removal of another), and naptime (sometimes they are behaving badly because they are simply tired).

toddler staring at snow through door with stuffed bunny

(5) General encouragement.  

This book gives clarity and order to the sometime chaotic job of raising children.

It shows that what might seem like a high expectation – i.e., requiring your child to sit with their hands in their lap at the dinner table after they’ve finished eating – is in fact a realistic goal that can be met with patience and some training.

I’m inspired not to get beat down when my toddlers display a strong will. A strong will is going to serve them well when it’s directed in the proper direction.

All in all, just like the other -wise series books, Babywise and Babywise II, it introduces you to many different possible ways of doing things and has given me many helpful tools that have served me well thus far!

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