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Mother U

Helping mothers create routines, boundaries, and family practices.

Sample Routines

The Baby Sleep Myth That Backfires (And Makes Overtired Babies!)

Baby sleep problems are one of the hottest topics among moms of small children. You’re a tired mom, and when you don’t get enough sleep you’re an angry mom. Not to mention how your poor baby is suffering.

Little babies are born doing nothing but sleeping, eating, and needing diaper changes.

After the initial postpartum recovery, it’s no big deal to go out and about since the baby will probably fall asleep in the stroller or car seat anyway. And so, you carry on as is.

And so you run errands.

Go to the park.

Go to the mall.

Keep appointments during naptime.

baby screaming

Bring the baby to the cafe.

And playgroups.

And bible studies.

Everywhere, essentially.

And soon you realize, the baby only sleeps in the stroller. Baby screams when you try to put her down to sleep in her crib.

Baby is tired, fussy, and whiny and you aren’t sure why. You thought that the more exercise or activity a baby gets, the more tired they will be, and, therefore, the better they will sleep.

➡️ The idea that wearing a baby out will help them sleep better is one of the biggest baby sleep myths.

baby on a bed smiling

Read: Tips For Swaddling Baby At Night

Wearing baby out doesn’t work…

In fact, wearing a baby out will make them sleep worse. The more tired babies are, the worse they sleep. The more tired they are, the harder it is to fall asleep.

Then, the more tired they get, the more they fight sleep. An overtired baby wakes up frequently through the night as they transition sleep cycle because they are uncomfortable.

On the contrary, a well-rested baby sleeps more. A well-rested baby goes down easier. A well-rested baby wakes less during the night.

So how do you know if your baby is sort of… worn out and overtired all the time?

Read: Why You’ve Got An Angry Baby – And What To Do

over tired and worn out baby yawning

Common symptoms of an overtired baby:

  • Frequent fussiness
  • Sleeps very little during the day and has short naps
  • Fights going to sleep
  • Gets progressively fussier as the day goes on
  • Gets startled easily by things in its environment that bring it to tears
  • Frequently falls asleep at the breast, in the stroller or the car seat (after the first few months in which case this is very normal)
  • Finds getting to sleep difficult and wakes easily
  • Acts ready for bed at 5:30 or 6:00 pm
  • Wakes near midnight crying in an inconsolable manner

While you’re working on keeping baby from being overtired, you can use our daily baby logs to track what’s happening.

Read: Is Sleep Training a Baby Bad or Dangerous? Let’s Talk Facts!

How to help an overtired baby to sleep (and avoid over stimulation)

While you can’t avoid stimulating environments or tiredness completely, here’s how you can help prevent overtiredness. 

Even if your environment is calming, babies will become overstimulated if they are overtired. So the key is to keep them well-rested.

Read: The Nap Trap- How to Deal with It and Not Resist It

Keeping a good routine prevents a baby from being overtired

When baby has regular naps and consistent bedtimes, they will not get overtired. Barring sickness or occasional routine deviations, keep a consistent routine.


Well-rested babies can cope with a late bedtime, a missed nap, or an overstimulating morning without becoming super fussy or irritable. After vacations or major routine deviations, babies are more fussy.

Family Practices & Contribution

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Sleep Little Lamb (Ages 0-5)

Moms will walk away with a step-by-step sleep plan tailored to their child’s age and needs, designed to improve sleep within 3 days to 2 weeks.
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Avoid screens and chaos right before bed

Avoid screentime for babies and early toddlers.

However, if you do allow screentime, don’t do it immediately before bedtime. This overstimulates baby and the wind-down process is longer and more difficult.

If they are watching something, 20 to 30 minutes before bed, either turn off the screen or remove them from the area so they can begin releasing the happy sleep hormone.


Have a good wind down routine in place

An essential part of the bedtime routine is the wind-down time. This is where you incorporate time into your routine that is just for getting calm.

This can include singing, rocking until drowsy (not until asleep if you want them to fall asleep on their own), reading a book, and sitting and cuddling in a dimmed room.

You’ll want to do a good part of the wind-down routine in your baby’s room, away from loud siblings or other disturbances. Turn on the white noise so they aren’t disturbed by toddler squeals, and then put the baby to bed.

Read: Foolproof Baby Sleep Tips — Routines, Habits & Strategies

Move up bed or naptime

Since we realize it’s a myth that wearing your baby out allows them to sleep better, the best way to help an overtired baby is to put them to sleep earlier.

If bedtime is normally at 8:00 pm but they are always Past the Point then, move bedtime up earlier. We wrongly assume putting them down earlier means they’ll wake earlier, but if they’re overtired the opposite is true.

Sleep begets sleep.

The more restorative sleep they have the more they will sleep. 

28 things to try if baby won't sleep, baby in crib

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t *stay* asleep, or is unsettled in general.

Guard babies’ sleep to prevent overtiredness

This is a big one. I often see mothers out and about with their babies who are fussy. Now, babies get fussy and this is life.

But, if you’re having to pull out all the tricks to get them to sleep every day, and are standing around with blankets over your baby rocking them just so they get some shut-eye, they are overtired or have a sleep prop.

Read: Nightmares, Night Terrors, & Sleep Walking In Kids: Strategies For Relief

Of course, it’s only a problem if it’s a problem for you. Still, this type of thing can turn into a problem quickly.

Your baby needs, at least, one consistent nap a day, preferably more if they are still very small. It’s a very short season and teaching them to sleep early on will benefit them throughout their early years.

Guard their naps by staying home when they are tired, putting them to bed early even if it means taking a few minutes out of family time, or by declining an invitation that comes on the heels of two or three more that week.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Self-Care That Sticks

In this workshop, you’ll ditch the “I don’t have time” excuse and build a flexible, doable self-care plan that fits into your real life. Because taking care of yourself shouldn’t feel like another thing on your to-do list.
Start Now

Avoiding Overtiredness Recap

  • If baby is overtired, move nap time up so that baby will get get a chance to go to sleep before becoming more overtired.
  • When baby hasn’t napped well during the day, do a good wind down routine, then move your baby’s bedtime up 30 minutes or even an hour.
  • If you know baby doesn’t nap well in the stroller when you are out doing errands, time the outing so that when you get back to the house baby will be able to take a good nap.
  • Babies will fight sleep a lot more if they are super tired. They’ll even wake up around 11 or 11:30 p.m. at night (happened with all my babies!) if they’re exhausted. They may not want to feed, they are simply over-stimulated and having trouble getting back to sleep.
  • If your baby wakes at night and is over-stimulated, but not wanting food, you can do the Outdoor Trick. My husband would often take the babies outside and the cool night air would often soothe them. This would allow them to fall back asleep.
  • If you notice baby is in an overtired pattern, try staying home for a few days if you can to help baby settle.

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t stay asleep, or is unsettled in general.

You can do it, mama!

Sources:

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Your Mother Helper’s Age: Important Things To Consider

Wondering what your mother helper’s age needs to be? Here’s a guide to help you consider what you need or want in a helper & what age your help should be.

When I first decided to hire a mother’s helper, I was desperate.

I was like… anybody who will show up and change diapers and let me take a dadgum nap will do.

ANY TAKERS?

As I started considering my actual needs, and the needs I’d likely have for years to come, a picture began to emerge of what age, life stage, and personality of mother’s helper I would need.

From a 9 year old to a Nana… there’s no right or wrong. There’s just likely a right age range that’ll work for your family.

Here’s how you can figure out what age your mother’s helper should likely be. 

mothers helpers age, nanny with baby

Read all the posts in my Mother’s Helper Series

Your Mother Helper’s Age – Think About These Things

Here are a few things to consider when you are determining whether you want someone younger (an older child, perhaps) or someone a bit older.

Let’s dive in.

Do you want to be able to leave your mother’s helper alone with the kids?

This is the first thing to ask yourself.

Are you more in the market for someone who can help you carry out your normal stay at home mom routine or do you work and want someone who will keep the kids all day? Do you work from home and just need an extra set of eyes? Or do you want a mix?

Unless you’re looking for someone to simply assist you in the day to day, perhaps do some chores for you, and tidy the house while the kids are all napping, you’ll want someone who is available for long periods during the day and at least a teenager.

? Teenagers who participate in homeschooling (pros and cons of that) or virtual school will be legally able to watch kids and available during the day.

Do you want your mother’s helper to drive herself (or your kids) anywhere?

This likely seems obvious, but do give it some thought when considering your ideal mother helper’s age.

You might think you don’t want this, and you just need a little help, maybe with after school routines or occupying the kids in general. However, you may soon find you want someone a bit more flexible.

At times you may want your helper to be able to take the kids somewhere or come pick them up, so depending on your needs, really think about whether you want this added layer of flexibility.

Read: Running Errands With Babies & Toddlers

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

  • pinpoint an issue
  • draw out how it’s affecting you
  • label what you don’t like about it
  • determine areas of responsibility
  • figure out how it’s showing up
  • say what you’d rather happen
  • brainstorm solutions

How much are you able / willing to pay your mother’s helper?

Depending on how much you have in your budget to pay, this may figure into what age of a mother’s helper you hire. 

If you are hiring a 12 year old neighbor to watch the kids while you’re in the house, the pay will be considerably lower than if you are paying a 21 year old to watch the kids unsupervised (by you).Also, how many kids do you have or plan on having?

The age of your helper will likely need to be older the more kids you have. 

Read: A Foolproof Sample Daily Schedule For Multiple Toddlers/Preschoolers

babysitter with kids, mother helper's age considerations

What level of commitment do you want to have in a mother’s helper?

There is no right and wrong to this. 

If you want someone who is more like a nanny to your family, then you’ll likely want someone older who can have more responsibility in your home.

➡️ Teenagers and students will nearly always prioritize school over work.

This is fine, but know if you want someone at your house 30+ hours a week who is fully focused on your kids and helping you with your massive list of chores, then you might want someone who will prioritize this job.

Make sure during your interview to ask all the right questions to gauge their ability to come work for you. If you need a mother’s helper because you need to be outside the home regularly and you have someone who often cancels or doesn’t show, this will not be a successful partnership.

considerations for your mother helper's age

How long do you hope to keep this mother’s helper?

There’s no way to predict the future, obviously, but when you are considering who to hire, ask yourself whether you want someone short term to help put out fires or if you want someone longer term.

Ask yourself these questions when considering your family’s needs:

  • Do you need help for the next few years?
  • Do you want someone to come for a few hours here and there or someone who comes for 15+ set hours each week?
  • Is this a long term need or short term in nature (i.e. helping you through this pregnancy, until your 4 year old gets into school, etc.)

If you just need help now and then a day or two a week then a young neighbor might be fine. You can always replace a neighbor easily enough. If you want someone for the next few years, you’ll likely want someone older. 

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.

Do you want “help” or do you want someone who can “take over” at times?

To be fair, it’s hard to decide this up front.

When I first hired our lovely mother’s helper, I planned on always being around and just having another set of hands to help out. As time went on and she became more and more familiar with the kids, I felt comfortable giving her a lot of responsibility.

You likely will too. 

You can’t underestimate how life changing it is to have someone who can help you with all your responsibilities. It helps prevent mom burnout, it cuts down on mom stress, and just gives you a bit more time alone.

mother helper's age, mother helper with baby

Get your Printable Checklist

After you have figured out your optimal mother helper’s age, download and print these interview questions to use when interviewing your potential candidates.

Mother’s Helper Interview Question CHEATSHEET

Read all the posts in my Mother’s Helper Series

10+ Interview Questions To Ask Your Potential Mother’s Helper

Need a little help around the house? Who doesn’t! Here are some mother’s helper interview questions you simply must ask before hiring.

Having a mother’s helper was one of the best things I’ve ever done.

Ever.

A few years ago, I found out I was suprise – SURPRISE – pregnant with our 5th child.

5 babies in 5 years.

One near set of Irish twins.

I knew that I couldn’t take care of 4 little ones while pregnant with a 5th and trying to work a few hours a week here.

So, I prayed, asked around, then found and hired our lovely wonderful Mother’s Helper.

mothers helper interview questions, mothers helper with kids

She was with us around 4 years and recently retired to have her own baby and I can say with all confidence that having a mother’s helper is genuinely… truly…

Helpful.

?????

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.

Okay okay, so if you are looking for a mother’s helper and are getting geared up for an interview – or to talk with someone who may be interested – here are some important questions to ask.

Read all the posts in my Mother’s Helper Series

Interview Questions For Your Potential Mother’s Helper

These questions will be great starting points for conversation in an interview with a potential mother’s helper. Whether you are interviewing something from Care or having a casual chat, these will help.

Are you willing to help around the house with chores?

When I interviewed our mother’s helper, I made sure to say this…

“I won’t ever ask you to do anything I wouldn’t do. But I may ask you to do basically anything that needs doing. Will that be okay with you?”

What you don’t want is someone Super Precious who can’t wash pee sheets or clean up a potty accident.

It may take time before they are comfortable with certain tasks or before you would even ask your mother’s helper to do certain things, but you want someone willing to jump in and do what needs doing.

Read: An Epic List Of Household Chores (that you’ll want help with!)

mothers helper interview questions, mothers helper cooking with kids

Are you comfortable being on duty alone with the kids?

It was months and months before our dear mother’s helper was on duty alone. For months I simply went to another room to work while she watched all the kids.

Gradually as she became more and more comfortable (she was 19 when she started) she watched the kids for longer periods of time alone. This is why it’s good to be mindful of the times a day the mother’s helper comes.

Until eventually she would watch them for as long as needed and was comfortable doing this.

Will you change diapers and help potty train?

You may not ask your helper to change any diapers for a while, but eventually – if you have a baby – you’ll want someone to help doing anything necessary.

Depending on how natural minded your mother’s helper of choice is, you may not want to ask them to help you with cloth diapering, but you simply don’t want to hire someone to watch your little ones who can’t take #2.

Read: Potty Training Tips Your Mother’s Helper Can Use

Mother’s Helper Interview Question CHEATSHEET

Do you have safe reliable transport and, if so, are you willing to do errands or pick ups and drop offs?

If you want to hire a mother’s helper who is an early teenager, they won’t be able to drive. Will their parents be able to get them to your house or do they have a bike?

Late teenagers and above, do they have a car?

If you are interested in this and feel comfortable, can they be available at times to run errands for you or do the school pick up or drop off?

Personally, drop offs and pick ups are the Absolute Worst and having someone to handle this frees you up. 

Read: The No Tears Approach To Running Errands & Appointments With Baby

questions to ask in an interview with a mothers helper

Are you willing to put your phone in a designated spot for periods of time?

People cannot cope without their phone these days.

And certain age groups are worse than others.

What you don’t want is someone who comes over to watch your kids and spends half that time Snapchatting or Instagramming or whatever people do these days instead of actually watching your little ones.

Also, if they are always running to the phone during any down moment, they will not be in the habit of finding things to do around the house that help you.

Like evening sweeps.

And tidy routines. 

Find somewhere central to ask your mother’s helper to leave their phone during set times. Starting off in this way communicates to your helper that you are serious about the issue.

I never had an issue with this at all, but you certainly might depending on the person, and it’s best to start out with clear boundaries from day one.

Read: The Bad Habit Women Start While Nursing — And Wish They Hadn’t

Is this ($x) hourly rate / salary acceptable to you?

How much you pay your mother’s helper will depend on their age, your location, and – quite simply – what you are willing to pay.

You decide the rate you can afford and are willing to pay, not the other way around.

You want to pay someone fair and also leave room for pay increases as they are with you for more and more time. Here are some things to consider.

  • You can pay a child or young teenager as little as $5 an hour.
  • Or an older teenager $10 or more.
  • Find out the minimum wage in your state and adjust accordingly.
  • Don’t abandon the idea of help if the going rates are too high for you, simply have your mother’s helper come fewer hours. Any help is better than no help!

➡️ Before you interview or hire anyone, know what you are able to pay and be up front about it.

mothers helper with kids, interview questions to ask

Can you keep the routines I’ve already set up with the kids?

Your mother’s helper should essentially help you carry out your normal routines.

This means they learn when babies nap, when they eat, your wind down routines, and anything else.

If your mother’s helper has ideas that are better than yours – EVEN BETTER – but you want to be sure you have someone helping you who will carry out your wishes.

If you’re a routined person you don’t want someone who refuses to follow a routine. And vice versa. They don’t need to have your exact personality, but they do need to be willing to follow your lead.

Are you comfortable, in time, to help discipline certain behaviors in the way we do it?

Until your children get comfortable with the mother’s helper, you will likely be the only disciplinarian with their help and support.

With time, your children should come to see your helper as an authority in their day to day. With the buck ultimately stopping with mommy. 

Ultimately, you don’t want your mother’s helper to come to you every single time your kids act up. You can share your family rules, your preferred consequences, and your overall discipline mindset.

Do you have any experience with babies, toddlers, preschoolers, etc.?

This is probably a given.

Our mother’s helper had been working at a daycare and wanted to leave and work closer to home. Your mother’s helper may not have any experience with littles, and that’s okay too.

Sometimes people who come from large families are very experienced and extremely helpful. Depends on how many kids and what your goals are.

I don’t know that I’d ever held a baby before I had my own and now I have 5 so…

Who knows what life will bring?

mothers helper with toddler, interview questions for mothers helper

Can you be flexible and able to adapt to the daily changes that come with life with littles?

While you want someone who can keep your routine, you also want someone who is flexible and can roll with the punches.

As they told us in England where my husband and I met…

“Blessed are the flexible, for they don’t break when bent.”

In the interview with the mother’s helper, you want to get across that while she’ll always be helping YOU, the days may look a lot different.

  • One day you may want her to come with you on a major grocery run.
  • Another, to the park.
  • The next day, to sit with the kids in the van while you run in and out doing errands.
  • Or take the kids to get ice cream.
  • Or rock a tired baby.
  • And vacuum up Cheerios or make grilled cheeses or….

You get the picture. You want someone who can follow your lead and jump in, wherever the day may take you.

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

  • pinpoint an issue
  • draw out how it’s affecting you
  • label what you don’t like about it
  • determine areas of responsibility
  • figure out how it’s showing up
  • say what you’d rather happen
  • brainstorm solutions

Read all the posts in my Mother’s Helper Series

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Managing children close together in age throughout the day

Big tips on handling kids close in age throughout your day.

As mothers we learn lots of tricks to keep the house from burning down while we’re on duty. With each child we’ve welcomed into the family we learn something new. In fact, each child brings with it new opportunities to see just how good of a juggler you are.

If you are like me (and for better or worse I think many of you are) then you pretty much need your routine and schedule to keep a positive atmosphere in the house. One or two days of chaos and I’m contemplating sending in my resignation.

My Prince is about 9 weeks old now and in that short amount of time I’ve really began honing my juggling skills. Here are some tips on how to manage schedules and routines for lots of children (lots being relative, of course).

Read: Pros and cons of having babies close together in age

(1) Learn how to corral.

There are times when I need to do something and it will not go well if there are small feet running around throwing phones in the toilet and trying to catapult rock the baby in his infant seat. During these times I often employ the temporary incarceration method.

I’ll put my son in his crib and my daughter in her room while I take care of something quickly.

If I need to bathe one I will put the other at the table with crayons. It’s not rocket science, but I will both physically and mentally occupy the children so that I’m able to do what I need to do. I don’t ask what they want.

I don’t test them by taking forever. I just put them where I know they’ll be out of the way safe and I go about my business.

Read: My #1 tip for having babies close together

(2) Think about it in advance.

Before my third was born I thought about what type of schedule would work best and I did my best to put it into practice. Luckily, the schedule I planned before his birth has worked perfectly. I wanted to be able to have a few feeds during the day where the older siblings were occupied.

I wanted peaceful quiet cuddle time during nursing and after. The older kids are in independent play for one feeding and are down for a nap for two others. Based on the kids’ needs I determined where naps and meals fit best, and so far so good.

Read: Sample schedule with 4 kids 4 years old and under

(3) Help them to know what comes next.

The Birth Order book suggests that firstborns are resistant to change and, therefore, function better when they are prepared for what’s next. Regularly I can be heard saying “in a few minutes we’re going inside” or “after we finish this game we’re going to have lunch” etc.

I think routines, in general, help children to behave better because they know what to expect. Nap time isn’t a disappointing shock. Having to come inside for lunch isn’t a form of punishment.

When children know what to expect, because of routine and how you inform them, they are much more likely to rise to your expectations.

Read: The Ultimate Guide To Surviving Irish Twins In The Early Years

(4) Make it work for you.

I need times during the day to be alone. I’m an introvert and if I don’t have a moment or two alone then by the end of the day I am in such a bad mood only decaf coffee and a spoonful of ice cream can get me out of it. And even then it’s iffy. I’ve worked our routines so the children play independently in the mornings and nap at the same time in the afternoon.

Times vary, but generally speaking, I get some time of refreshing during the day. This is particularly helpful as I work from home. If I didn’t know there were already pre-determined times for me to complete my work then it would simply be too stressful a situation to continue.

Read: How routine brings sanity

(5) Know the right times of day.

Self-control and willpower are finite. As the day progresses we have less and less of them. Our children are exactly the same. What a child could stand in the morning may cause a meltdown by dinnertime.

As bedtime approaches kids somehow, miraculously, sprout wings and begin to fly all over the house in some sort of pre-bedtime frenzy. That isn’t the best time to expect them to sit still on the floor and do flashcards. We don’t generally plan major outings during the afternoon nap because they’d be fussy and irritable and it wouldn’t be fun.

If we want to be out and about and playing then we schedule it in the mornings.

Read: A Foolproof Sample Daily Schedule For Toddlers

Each house runs differently and the key is finding a good rhythm for your children. And I mean that collectively. At some point each family member will have to sacrifice preferences for general harmony. How can all the children’s needs be met and how can you do it in a way that keeps the house standing.

They may not like doing the dishes. Guess what? I don’t either. Maybe they don’t want to pick up their toys. Wanna know something? I don’t want to pick up their toys either.

Especially since I didn’t distribute them equally throughout every room in the house. We find a balance between having them do things they love and having the do things they need to do.

Just taking a little time out from keeping things afloat, to planning how you can run a smoother household will make all the difference.

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