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Toddler

The Smart Bedtime Routine Your Toddler Won’t Fight

Inside: The smart bedtime routine your toddler will enjoy. Also, here are some awesome wind down routines to help baby go to bed well, but what about your energetic toddler. .

Something happens at bedtime to toddlers… 

Instead of feeling tired, they become wide awake.

Instead of being ready for story time they want to run naked around the house screaming.

Then, instead of singing soft lullabies with you they flail and fight and just don’t want any part of it.

Bedtime… it’s a dadgum battle to get these kids into bed.

toddler trying to get out of bed

You envisioned bedtime being something fairytale like and magical, but really it consists of these things:

  • running (them away from you and you to catch them)
  • tears (yours and theirs)
  • yelling (you and them)
  • anger (them at having to go to bed, you at them fighting bedtime)

You get the idea. It is a bit dicey sometimes with these amazingly cuddly and cute toddlers. But, you know, it doesn’t have to be this way.

You can craft a toddler bedtime routine your kids will love that will help get the most cooperation from them as possible.

They may not love every minute of bedtime, but hopefully they won’t fight it as much. 

Read: The Tried-And-True 1 Year Old Sleep Schedule

The Smart Bedtime Routine Your Toddler Will Love

Step 1: Pre-Bed Similarities

As is the key to many things with toddlers, routine is very important. Your children will get into habits and routines that serve them well if you are consistent.

This does not mean doing the same exact thing each evening, but having groups of things that you regularly rotate.

You may play board games as a family or have devotions (we love this book for preschoolers). There may be some time of gentle play – or who are we kidding, roughhousing – before the bedtime goes into full swing.

You’ll probably want to avoid running errands, visiting rowdy friends, or always having commitments at this time of evening. It will prevent your child from being able to properly do Step 2.

Step 2: The Wind Down

Wind down routines are intensely important.

Just because you know 7:30 p.m. is bedtime doesn’t mean your toddler’s eyes are drooping and they’re ready to sleep.

Likely, they are not.

The way you gain cooperation from your child in the bedtime arena is to help them wind down naturally so they are actually allowing their minds to recognize their bodies’ fatigue.

Read:  The Crucial Elements of a Rock-Solid Toddler Schedule

Here are some things commonly done at bedtime to help your toddler wind down:

  • warm bath
  • drying off
  • putting on lotion
  • brushing teeth
  • turning the lights down low
  • closing curtains, windows, or blinds
  • turning on white noise (that’s my favorite and it’s a free app)
  • singing nurser rhymes or other calm songs
  • rocking in a chair together
  • reading books
  • praying

They will look different at your house, but remember, you want to do things at bedtime that help lower children’s heart rates.. not bring them up.

Read: 28 Things To Try If Baby Won’t Sleep and tips for your 2 year old sleep regression.

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 6-12

Goodnight Bedtime Battles

This workshop will give you a simple, sanity-saving bedtime system that actually works—one that helps your kids wind down, fall asleep without endless stalling, and stay asleep (so you can finally get some rest).
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Remember, you need to choose a time for your toddler bedtime routine that isn’t too late because a later bedtime will contribute to night terrors, sleepwalking, and evening wake ups.

Watch my video on the 2 year sleep regression if you think you’re going through it.

Step 3: Logistics

It can be tricky doing the bedtime jig.

I have 5 kids (ages 5, 4, 3, 2, and 5 months) so I get it.

The hardest part? Keeping some of them “wound down” and accounted for while you’re putting the others in bed. The way forward?

printable bedtime routine cards for toddlers
Printable (and customizable) routine cards
  • Conversely, if you are putting to bed a 4 year old put your 1 year old in his crib with a few toys until you get there.
  • Divide and conquer. My husband and I usually like to give each child their own bedtime routine. So he takes 2, I take the other 2, and I take the baby. If kids share in the future it may pan out differently, but for now we feel good having those few minutes alone with each child.

Step 4: Bonding and Alone Time

If you have a few kids and struggle with guilt knowing they don’t get tons of individual time from you, be encouraged. There are ways to squeeze it in throughout the day and bedtime is one of them.

Even if your two kids share a room, do one routine with a child and put that one to bed while the other reads a book quietly or does another one of these calm down hacks.

Bedtime, like no other, is a good time for interesting conversation. You’ll hear all kinds of things about school or their Deep Thoughts or worries and fears.

Moms or dads feel tempted to hurry this phase and have their own down time, but the quickest way for your child to drift into sleep is to help them feel safe and secure.

And if they don’t feel this way, you’ll have a lot more bedtime battles on your hands.

Read: How to find time to spend individually with your kids

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5

Sleep Little Lamb (Ages 0-5)

Moms will walk away with a step-by-step sleep plan tailored to their child’s age and needs, designed to improve sleep within 3 days to 2 weeks.
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Step 5: Praying and Leaving

One of the best gifts you can give your child is the ability to go to sleep without a crutch. Of course, kids need our cuddles (it’s good for their brains), but they also need to feel safe and secure knowing they can go to sleep and we’re still watching over them.

Our particular bedtime routine is to pray, sing a certain song I’ve created for each child that is silly, kiss on the forehead, and leave the room.

You may need to do this a few evenings until your child gets the hang of it, but after he does, you’ll be surprised how easy bedtime becomes!

Read: Sleep props and sleep associations

Create a routine that works for you.

Be encouraged, mama…

Bedtime doesn’t have to be a struggle.

Sources:

Real Chores Preschoolers and Toddlers Can Do Well

Here are some chores toddlers and preschoolers can do around the house that are age appropriate and easy. You’ll love the help!

I am a long game person. A big picture thinker.

In some ways, this causes stress for my personality type, but in others it’s a blessing. I think about current events with one eye on the future. And that’s why I have always had my kids do everything they can on their own.

I knew I wanted 4 children, and the thought of having 4 teenagers not used to helping out was just too much for me.

In fact, it is surprising what things 2 and 3-year-olds can actually do on their own.

While I don’t have a chore chart or chore rotation yet, I do have the children help me do quite a few things around the house regularly.

And we like to use these cards to do it.

toddler doing a chore

Keys to getting toddler and preschooler participation in chore time

  • make it a routine activity
  • have clear boundaries
  • don’t make it optional

When we say things like, “Would you mind?” or “Don’t you want to?” we actually confuse the kids.

If the chore is optional, fine, but if you are requiring them to do this chore, the best thing to do is to say kindly but firmly, “We’re going to do x now, let’s hop to it!“

I’ll talk more about how to get toddlers and preschoolers to participate without coercion later.

Read: A No Nagging Morning Routine For School (With Printable)

toddler doing a chore

(See above. I cut off the toes in the boys’ onesies when they are the right size but too short. My boys are all tall.

This helps extend the onesie’s life for months and months, and since I pass all boy clothes down I don’t worry about not getting enough use or being too tatty to donate!)

Read: 5 Truths About Parenting Toddlers — That We Tend To Forget

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!

Chores toddlers and preschoolers can actually do well

  • Folding towels and clothes | Both my 4 and 3-year-old do this very well and neatly. My 2-year-old can do hand towels as well. I no longer fold any towels or small blankets ever.
  • Picking up toys | This is a fluid thing throughout the day since toys are in and out. But during room time or when the kids are playing in an area, before they are allowed to do the next thing they must clean up.
  • Vacuuming | Dust busting particularly. If the vacuum is relatively quiet this is a plus, if not, toddlers might shy away. However, vacuuming is easier for the kids than sweeping I’ve found. This is handy after dinner, under the chairs or barstools or when they’ve made a mess from snack.
  • Clearing place at table | Before the kids can get down from the table, they have to put their plates, cutlery, and cups by or in the sink or in the dishwasher. If it’s a paper plate, they’ll throw it away.

Read: After School Routines For Kids That Prevents Meltdowns

More Chores For Toddlers And Preschoolers

  • Putting clothes in laundry basket | We have a laundry basket in each child’s room they can use. Most of the time they don’t remove clothes and put directly into the basket, but we’re working on it.
  • Setting table | Many readers have their 2 and 3-year-olds set the table for meals. Since I plate my kids’ food, my kids only lay out drinks and silverware.
  • Make bed | I call this “straightening the bed” with mine because heavy covers can be a chore, but they straighten their blankets, comforters, and toys.
  • Gathering trash cans | The trash is picked up on Tuesday morning, so Monday afternoons I’ll get the kids to bring the trash cans from their respective rooms or bathroom and we’ll combine them to be put outside.
  • “Fetch” | I love getting my kids to fetch me this or that. They feel useful, and it is honestly helpful for me.
  • Put away books | If you have a place for books specifically, kids can easily do this chore. If your kids are like mine, they will take out a lot of books at once, so it’s handy if they learn to put them back.

Read: Life Skills For Kids By Age (With Printables!)

How to “enforce” chores

Toddlers and preschoolers are Still Learning So Many Skills. I hope it goes without saying you’ll approach chores differently for a preschooler than a teenager, but there will still be some boundaries that’ll help you going forward.

Read: How to Raise Cleaning Machines: An Epic Household Chore List

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

No Nag Chore Routines

Getting kids to do chores shouldn’t be a daily battle. Let me help you build a simple, age-appropriate system that teaches independence, teamwork, and responsibility—without constant micromanaging. Because a well-run home isn’t about doing it all yourself.
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printable chore cards
Get 101+ chore cards to use with your toddlers and preschoolers

Create Logical Order In Your Daily Routine

Instead of having my children go to their rooms and clean at random times, they have to do it in order to do the next thing.

So, for example, they can’t come to breakfast until they’ve made their beds and straightened their rooms.

After room play time, they can’t come out until they’ve put their toys back. No snack until play area is clean.

This helps because they associate chores with certain times and are less likely to fight it.

Teach, teach, teach then stand back

I have two children who want to know how to do something, then run with it. They don’t want you to interfere and aren’t interested in your help unless they are truly in need.

I have another child who just wants you to do everything for him.

It’s always too hard even if he’s done it 100 times. With them all I teach, teach, teach then let them have at it. Once I know they can do it, I step back and do not hover. Even children find joy in completing a task.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Family Tidy Routines

This workshop will help you build a simple 15-minute daily routine that fits into real life—so the house stays (mostly) clean and the kids finally learn to help. Because a clean home is a team effort, not a one-mom show.
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Kindness and No Nonsense

This is true in all of parenting, really. Be kind and loving, but don’t get in power struggles. If you need them to do something, have them do it. If they won’t, give a consequence.

No meanness, no shaming, no drama. Just two choices. Do the chore or get a consequence or loss of privilege.

For us, this usually just means if one child refuses to do a chore they must remain there until they do it. This never lasts long, and the child usually completes the task fairly quickly if I leave them to it.

Saying, “As soon as you are done folding the towels you can come down to dinner. You can’t leave your room, though, until it’s done,” then walking away works a lot better.

Give it Time And Carry On Consistently

Lastly, just give the little things time. Once they see that chores are a regular part of family life, and they are required to join in, they’ll actually get a sense of pride.

Pride they are helping. Pride they are accomplishing a task well. And proud they are needed.

Sources:

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5 Truths About Parenting Toddlers — That We Tend To Forget

If you’re in the thick of parenting toddlers, take heart! These are hard years, but sweet ones and the building blocks for the years to come.

I am currently parenting what I believe to be our last toddler. 

He is the 5th baby in our family and even his toddler days are numbered.

I’m not new to this toddler rodeo and, having gone through these precious years more than once and closely spaced, I have learned a few things.

Something else I have, as my oldest is now 8 years old, is perspective. 

Here are some things to remember about parenting toddlers that we often forget. Blonde toddler on play equpiment.

When all my kids were 4 and under it felt like I was parenting FOUR toddlers.

I didn’t know what would happen when they got school age. Or progressed through elementary.

Shoot, I still don’t know what will happen when they hit adolescence and the teen years.

But now having done this toddler gig 5 times (and loving nearly every minute of it!) I can say there are a few things moms need to hang onto.

Truths On Parenting Toddlers…

This can be a challenging time as they are little whirlwinds who can tear up the whole living room in about five minutes… but it is truly a lovely season full of cuddles. 

Parenting toddlers is not for the faint of heart, remember these things!

1.Their Bark Is Worse Than Their Bite

Toddlers are gonna cry.

And whine.

And Scream Sometimes. 

If your days are built around trying to figure out how to avoid any tears or meltdowns, then life is gonna be hard parenting your toddler.

You probably have some family rules already in your home. Your toddler will, at times, not want to follow the rules.

➡️ They will show their resistance with tantrums and crying.

Toddlers, unlike preschoolers and older children, however, are quick to adjust and keep the boundaries and rules if you expect it.

Don’t change your rules or expectations as a response to toddler tears.

parenting toddlers is a nonstop job

Yesterday morning my toddler asked for Cheerios in an orange bowl.

He gets Cheerios in an orange bowl and then cries because he wants Rice Krispies and not cheerios.

And now he wants a green bowl.

If I threw away perfectly good cereal and then switched his bowl… he’d be likely to cry about the spoon.

Allowing choices is fine, but don’t get in the habit of servicing whims.

Read: The Crucial Elements Of A Rock Solid Toddler Routine

here are some tips for parenting toddlers. two kids at the beach

2.They Know What They Want, We Know What They Need

There is a notion going around that little ones know what they need.

This is – quite simply – not the case. 

They know if they want food. They know if they want mommy. They know if they want a brownie. They know they don’t want to go to bed because playing is much more fun.

A loving and nurturing mom will plan their toddler’s day based on their needs first, then their preferences.

  • Toddlers need naps and early bedtimes.
  • They need nutritious food at meal and snack times.
  • They need to learn to fall in with family rhythms.
  • They need time and attention and love.

Read: The Common 2 Year Old Sleep Regression: How To Overcome

parenting toddlers is so much fun! here are some tips to help you do it.

3.They Will Grow Up

I once Googled, “Is my 3-year-old a sociopath?”

I will never say which son this referred to because I’m against oversharing.

But, yes, I did that.

Matter of fact.

I did that for two of my sons.

One truth I was so happy to realize and take hold of is this… most of the irritating behaviors your toddlers does, he will grow out of.

While I’m certainly not saying to let behaviors go unchecked that are against family boundaries, I am saying that all the things your toddler is doing now is not predictive of what they’ll do later.

They are little. 

They are learning. 

Give yourself and them grace.

Read: Brilliant 10 Year Rule For Moms Of Little Ones To Follow

Parenting toddlers doesn't have to be so hard.

4.You Don’t Have To Teach It All Now

We mothers put enormous pressure on ourselves to do everything right.

And to do it all right now. 

We are relentlessly busy and never have time to get things done.

We think that if we want to teach our kids about Jesus, money, and chores then we better do it tomorrow, Thursday, and twice on Saturday or our kids will end up unemployed and living in a granny flat in our backyard.

This is not the case. 

This is a false pressure from within fed by your desire to give your children the best.

  • Toddlers need to be well fed, well slept, and well loved, and that’s about it. 
  • Discipline is essentially helping your child learn the family rules at this age.
  • Living out your own values is the best way to introduce your children to them when they are so young.

Read: 5 Things You Think Your Kids Can’t Do That They Can

parenting toddlers and tips to help you stay sane. Redhead toddler sleeping in white bed.

Read: Quiet time (Rest time) for Toddlers: All You Need to Know

5.They Will Love Boundaries As Much As You Do

Boundaries are absolutely necessary for kids.

They are necessary for children to feel a sense of security, and so that you don’t lose your mind and become mentally ill.

And the good news is this… kids may resist boundaries initially, but they love them!

Boundaries around sleeping mean consistent bedtimes and naptimes.

Boundaries around eating mean consistent mealtimes, snack times, and meal time expectations.

Boundaries around behavior mean consistent responses, expectations, and clear communication. 

Parenting Toddlers Is Tiring, But Not Complex

While you may feel exhausted from hyper-vigilance and tired of meltdowns and tantrums… take heart.

These early years can be wearisome, but they aren’t complex. 

Toddlers need love, attention, boundaries.

Toddlers need sleep, healthy food, and limits.

When you find consistency in these things… parenting toddlers becomes a joy, not a drag. 

::

A Brilliant Tip for Moms Of Littles to Follow… The 10-Year-Rule

We moms can get so bogged down with rules that it’s hard to know what is what. Here is one rule you should focus on.

I’ll never forget the day.

It was a day like any other… except… well…

Except my (newly) 3 year old had taken off his dirty diaper and wiped poop all over the walls.

And the floors. 

And his bed. 

And himself. 

I nearly died. I might have laughed except it was the second time he had done it.

That week.

I was at a loss… I mean… doesn’t he know that’s disgusting? Isn’t he aware that poop smells and one does not want their room to be covered in it?

Read: Toddler Behavior Stressing You Out? Reset With These Simple Tips

All manner of consequences went through my head. How could we impress upon him this was a bad behavior?

Thankfully, my husband cleaned it up. He’s more meticulous than I am and I was busy taking his actions personally and trying to determine where I’d gone wrong as a mom. I got down on my knees, made eye contact with my beloved destroyer, and told him not to do that again.

And he never did.

The End.

(Note: Some have said legitimately that a 3 year old who did this could be potty trained so to clarify, he 3 year old was potty trained by day but still wore pull-up by night…the above event happened one morning)

Inside, without knowing why, I’d adopted the principle of what others now call…

The Ten Year Rule. 

When your child misbehaves, ask yourself this question….

Will they still be doing this in 10 years?

If the answer is no and it feels right, pull an Elsa and let it go.

Read:  The Crucial Elements of a Rock-Solid Toddler Schedule

The 10 Year Rule

While listening to the God Centered Podcast a month ago, I stumbled onto this concept coined by author Karis Murray in the book Grace Based Discipline.

  • ➡️ If your kids aren’t likely to be doing this behavior (or its intensified cousin) in 10 years, then don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.

Don’t create angst, a breach in relationship, or unnecessary power struggles over something that is age related and not a value or moral issue.

Read: Is Your 1-Year-Old Wearing You Out? Try These Simple Activities

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Discipline with Dignity

Discipline shouldn’t feel like a battle or a shot in the dark. This workshop gives you a clear, balanced plan for setting boundaries that build respect and responsibility—without yelling, harsh punishments, or constant power struggles.
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So how does this play out in real life?

➡️ In 10 years, will they still be doing this?

Kids are not adults. 

They are often doing childish things, not foolish things. They don’t know high from low or in between and it’s our job to teach them.

We do this by providing a foundation of love and acceptance and teaching our kids the family boundaries.

So when you feel tempted to fly off the handle, become an angry mom, or feel like a failure, ask yourself these types of questions.

  • Is this behavior something you see many 12 year olds doing?
  • Is my child acting this way because they are tired, irritable, or otherwise off kilter?
  • Is this behavior something that could grow and morph into something that’s reallllly not good?
  • Do I need to dig deeper here and see what was going on underneath the surface?
  • Can I let this go? Does it *really* bother me? If so, why?

If you think some of your children’s misbehaviors aren’t really that big of a deal, give yourself permission to let it go. You will absolutely know when, deep down, you don’t think something is okay.

Sure, you will need to instruct, coach, and keep appropriate boundaries within your home, but you can relax knowing some behaviors are not hills you’re willing to die on.

Read: The Tried-And-True 1 Year Old Sleep Schedule

In 10 Years Will This Behavior Have Escalated?

On the other hand, there are some behaviors that we want to nip in the bud as quickly as possible. We don’t want our children to continue these habits or – worse – to develop more severe behaviors because we didn’t intervene.

Here are some behaviors you’ll likely want to address.

These are behaviors that are worth the effort it may take to help work through them with your child.

Remember, you are always on your child’s side. 

Some of these behaviors may include:

There will be others. We want to give our children the benefit of the doubt, but when we can no longer deny that our kids are exhibiting behaviors that are likely to get worse as they get older, we must step in.

Research has shown self-control to be a predictor of future success.

This is because it’s the same self-control a 5-year-old exhibits when completing a chore before moving on that will help him complete his work as an adult.

Sure, it morphs and changes and grows, but self-control is something that comes with maturity, practice, and time.

There are a lot of behaviors we mothers don’t like that result from a lack of self-control as well.

Building Self-Control
  • Notice when your child is exhibiting self-control and point it out. “You didn’t hit your brother even though he made you mad, that shows self-control.” This will be particularly effective if their previous impulse would have been to strike.
  • If your child routinely cannot stop themselves from breaking a family rule, then consider some type of scaffolding to help. Create specific rules and consequences that will help your child build their self-control in this area.
  • Dig deeper. In a recent book I read it said that no one really “acts crazy.” If we think someone is acting crazy, it means we are missing some vital information. Dig deeper.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.
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In 10 Years Will We Laugh About This?

In my humble opinion, one of the best tools in a mama’s toolbox is a sense of humor. You can laugh, cry, or rage.

Sometimes laughing makes it seem better.

This is my personal favorite way to handle confusing motherhood situations. No, I don’t laugh when kids break the rules. But I DO laugh when their behavior reminds me of my favorite comic from childhood… Calvin and Hobbes.

If you think the behavior is something that is a tad mischievous, but childish… laugh and move on.

If your child doesn’t know better and isn’t trying to hurt anyone, but does something a bit borderline or annoying, correct and move on. Try to see the cuteness in it and go about your day.

About that diaper incident…

Remember my son who rubbed his diaper on the wall?

Well, it got worse before it got better.

A few days after the poop events, he was supposed to be having rest time / quiet time in his room. I happened to see him tiptoeing out of the bathroom with some toothpaste tubes to eat.

I calmly told him to go back into his room because rest time wasn’t over yet.

Boundaries & Behavior

Loving Authority

Being in charge doesn’t mean being harsh or heavy-handed—it means being steady, clear, and confident. This workshop will help you understand what healthy authority really looks like. When you know how to show up as a secure, grounded leader, your kids feel safe, and everyone starts listening.
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This is a well known routine they’ve had since forever, don’t send me hate mail.

A while later when rest time was over, I went to get him. There by the door I saw a puddle on the floor.

“Son,” I said in mild shock, “you peed on the floor.”

With a genuinely innocent look on his face, my son calmly replied, “I didn’t pee pee on the floor. I peed on the door and it fell on the floor because you told me to stay in here.”

Let’s hope that’s still not happening in 10 years…

::

3 Natural Ways To Connect With Your Child’s Heart

You already know what a mothers love for her child feels like, but do you know how to make sure the child feels it? Post contains affiliate links. 

“Can you play wif me?” my 3 year old asked me this morning.

I was about to walk out of his room to get his little brother up, but his question stopped me in my tracks.

My little one was asking me to stop, connect, and be with him. So many times during the day it’s not practical to do so, but this time… it was. As we moved his cars around on his little car rug play mat he was so happy. Smiling and giving me directions and clearly glad I’d taken a few minutes out of normal family life to slow down. 

This is not easy.

Even when I slow down to play with the kids things run through my head. My to do list. Things that pop up and need to be written down… and you know what it feels like?

It feels like everything works in an effort to keep me from connecting with my kids on a deeper level. 

a mother's love for her child

How To Build Lasting Connections With Your Kids

I read this quote that made me cry and resonated so strongly. According to my husband it’s a bit of a downer, but the point is solid.

Watching one’s small humans age and grow up packs a serious punch. It’s like being stuck in a dream unable to speak, like being a ghost that can see but not touch, like standing on a huge grate while a storm rains oiled diamonds, like collecting feathers in a storm.

Parents in love with their children are all amnesiacs, trying to remember, trying to cherish moments, ghosts trying to hold the world. N. D. Wilson

So, because we love them so, we desperately want to connect with them. Well, the good news is this… they desperately want to connect with us too. 

Kids Feel Connected When You Love And Nurture Them

You don’t have to drum this up.

When you hug your child, feed them, clothe them, change them, and tuck them into their beds at night… they feel a sense of care. A feeling that all is right with the world. Mom and dad make sure that I am okay. When I send mom and dad signals – crying, fussing, whining, scared looks, etc. – they come and help me resolve them.

They don’t leave me alone and powerless. 

This takes a load off.

We are already doing these things. Our children already feel a sense of connection with us. Let this encourage you when you feel you’re Too Much or Too Busy or Not Good Enough… you already are connecting with them day in and day out by meeting their need for love and acceptance.

Connection & Culture

13-18, 6-12

Rooted in Family

Family life shouldn’t feel like a blur of to-do lists that leave you wondering if the memories are even sticking. This workshop helps you define your family’s core values and create simple, meaningful traditions that bring everyone closer without adding pressure.
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Read: What Unconditional Love Is And What It Isn’t

Kids Feel Connected When You Accept And Understand Them

This is huge. 

A large part of parenting is realizing that most of what makes us nervous in parenting is all about us and not about them.

We don’t want them to wear that shirt to school because they’ll get made fun of and we remember the sting of humiliation. We don’t want them to get too excited about art because we know how hard it is to make a good income and we don’t want them wasting their time on something that won’t pay the bills.

Of course it’s good to help our children pick suitable clothes and suitable life paths… but the point remains: we are often worried about letting our kids take their own paths... we want to make a path for them then push them down it. 

Instead, we want to show our children we accept them for who they are. Work on their character traits? Of course! But to try and change their personalities and likes and preferences? No. 

How To Accept Children For Who They Are In Action:

  • Don’t try and convince your kids they like what they don’t like | Maybe one of your children doesn’t like sports and the others are nuts for them. This child doesn’t need lectures about how they’d love sports if they found the right one. If you want to expose them to various sports, fine, but don’t communicate to your child that they are somehow wrong because they aren’t sporty. If your child says they like or don’t like something… believe them. 
a mother's love for her child
  • Validate your children’s feelings, even if you don’t understand | If your child is crying or upset, validate what they are feeling… don’t try to “comfort” them with phrases like, “There’s nothing to cry about” or “What’s the big deal?” That communicates that what they’re feeling is somehow wrong, but feelings are neutral. They come and go and can’t be controlled, your child can only control what they do with those feelings.
  • Give them freedom to express their preferences | Where the issue is not moral (lying or hurting others, for example) allow your child to have their own opinion. They may think very differently than you in many ways and not share many interests and, if that’s the case, it’s even more important they know you accept them as they are. We’d not want to give our children the impression we don’t approve of them since they aren’t just like us.

Kids who feel like they are okay as they are, feel connected to those around them. Kids who feel like they are somehow wrong, have a whole host of issues.

Read: 5 Simple Ways To Win Back Your Child’s Heart

connect naturally

Kids Feel Accepted When You Purposefully Get On Their Level

A child knows your place in the home. They know you need to cook, clean, organize, run errands, change diapers, and do the tidy up routines. They know this.

That’s why, occasionally, when you get down to their level, they feel so treasured. Safe. Loved.

It doesn’t mean you’ve gotta spend hours playing with them each day and they don’t ever learn to play on their own. It just means that you know when to get down to their level and meet them where they’re at.

How To Get On Your Child’s Level
  • Make eye contact with them
  • Squat down so you are eye to eye with your little one if you are going to say something important
  • Sit down on the floor with your child during some individual time
  • When reading a book, use fun voices
  • Become more playful in the every day moments, kids love this!

Connection & Culture

Setting Your Family Pace

Family life shouldn’t feel like a constant race. This workshop helps you build a balanced, sustainable pace that handles responsibilities while making space for rest, connection, and what really matters.
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Back to my 3 year old…

After we spent a precious few minutes playing with his cars, I told him I needed to get his baby brother for breakfast. He jumped up and said, “Can I come with you?” with a gleam in his eye.

Even 5 minutes made him feel closer to me…

I didn’t have to schedule it in or spend 20 minutes prepping…

I just got on his level and showed him I cared. 

::

Three Dutch Parenting Pillars That Make Sane Parents and Happy Children

Inside you’ll find three important pillars of Dutch parenting.

In 1915 a Dutch pioneer nurse, Aafke Gesina van Hulst[1] created the three R’s …

Rust, Reinheid, and Regelmaat

And it stuck.

For generations, the pillars have been the most important base of Dutch family life. Although family life has changed in a lot ways since 1915, the principles now are more true than ever.

In the hectic world we live in, they provide valuable guidelines to keep yourself and your children happy and healthy.

(Psst, this is the third part in a 3 part series. Read Part 1 and Part 2). 

Read: A No-Drama Approach To Your Child’s Behavior Problems

Rust (Rest)

Rest is eminent for healthy development of children. Plenty of rest and sleep provides many proven advantages, like;

  • being better able to control emotions[2]
  • better learning performance[3]
  • lower risk of becoming obese[4]

On average, Dutch moms manage to provide quite a lot of rest for their babies and toddlers and hence themselves. The focus on rest is pretty much engraved in the Dutch parenting culture.

Research shows that compared to American babies, Dutch babies at the age of six months get an extra two hours of sleep per day[5].

Two hours a day!

Read:  5 Parenting Skills That Help Raise Stable, Well-Adjusted Kids

How do Dutch moms do it?

There are two vital elements to ensuring their children get enough sleep. The first one is a very clear distinction between and separation of the sleep and awake time and environment.

When Dutch children are asleep, they sleep in their beds (if possible), when they are awake, they are with the rest of the family. Dutch children usually don’t sleep in the playpen or in the car.

The second element to providing plenty of rest and sleep is making sure that children aren’t overstimulated during the day. Therefore, Dutch parents keep activities, sounds and visual stimulants restricted. This creates a calm environment and sets the children up for better sleep.

Read: Wind-Down Routines Guaranteed To Help Baby Sleep

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5

Sleep Little Lamb (Ages 0-5)

Moms will walk away with a step-by-step sleep plan tailored to their child’s age and needs, designed to improve sleep within 3 days to 2 weeks.
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Reinheid (cleanliness)

The three R’s date back to 1915, so the second R may seem obvious to most moms these days. Back in those days, parents needed to be reminded of the importance of hygiene to keep their children healthy more often.

Nowadays, we know that sterilizing bottles, washing hands and cleaning our bathrooms is very important. Thus, as valid as this pillar is these days, it has become pretty obvious.

Read: 4 Reasons It’s Hard To Teach Their Kids To Clean

Regelmaat (Routine)

The last R, routine, may be the most important one. Routine makes things predictable and thus manageable. Of course, babies have their own internal routine and sometimes flexibility is needed.

But Dutch families often have a schedule and they try to stick to it.

Even the little ones in the family are on a schedule after a few months, gradually merging in with the schedule of the rest of the family.

Why does a family, and young children in particular, benefit from a daily schedule? There are a few claimed advantages of a (not too strict) routine.

Read: Life Skills For Kids By Age (With Printables!)

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Sticky Routines System

Giving you a step-by-step guide to overcome barriers and stick to the healthy routines you’ve committed to. Learn the mindsets and secrets disciplined moms use to run a tight ship🚢 (think, mornings, chores, homework, bedtime, self-care, etc.)
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dutch parenting pillars
  • Predictability makes babies relaxed and less fussy,
  • Less discussion with toddlers and older children, everybody knows what’s expected of them,
  • Children usually don’t get hungry or sleepy at inconvenient times, and
  • Strict dinner and snack times make it easier to keep up with healthy eating habits.

Of course, the Dutch are not unique with their use of schedules and routines. However, they do seem stricter in their execution when it comes to sleeping and eating.

In many Dutch families, naptime is holy for babies and young children, they sleep in their own bed, dinner time is usually the same and at least two meals are eaten at the dinner table.

Read: How To Get Multiple Kids To Nap At The Same Time

A century later…

Although there’s certainly nothing wrong with a bit of flexibility and spontaneity, a modern version of the three R’s still is a great way for parents and young kids to survive the hectic world we live in.

Getting enough rest, living in a clean environment and having predictable days still makes children very happy. By the way, it’s not only the children that thrive upon the three R’s basis, it’s the parents as well.

And we all know that happy parents make happy children.

Kittie Ansems is a Dutch mom, a former child care professional and a parenting book fanatic. Her blog, Happy Dutch Home  is all about helping moms survive their kids’ toddler years, using Dutch parenting principles.

[1] http://www.fni.nl/aafke-gesina-van-hulst-1868-1930
[2] http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1087079211000360
[3] http://www.smrv-journal.com/article/S1087-0792(09)00100-2/fulltext?cc=y=[4] https://academic.oup.com/sleep/article/31/5/619/2454190/Meta-Analysis-of-Short-Sleep-Duration-and-Obesity
[5]https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Alison_Fleming2/publication/232520514_Psychobiology_of_maternal_behavior_in_human_beings/links/5667623108aef42b57876e62.pdf#page=286