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Self-Care That Sticks

In this workshop, you’ll ditch the “I don’t have time” excuse and build a flexible, doable self-care plan that fits into your real life. Because taking care of yourself shouldn’t feel like another thing on your to-do list.

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And what separated this book – in my opinion – from others that are perhaps similar is the storytelling. Each section and chapter had stories from her own life and those of her children. Because these stories are so relatable, you immediately could put yourself in her shoes.

“Do I just finish what I was doing or do I look my child in the eye?”

“Is finishing my (never ending) to do list really more important?”

I’ve been having this inner struggle for a while now, but hadn’t been able to quiet the inner turmoil. Her storytelling and writing did it for me.

Honestly. I have been more at peace, more relaxed in expectations, kinder, and far more attentive to the little moments during the day that actually make up a life.

Not because kids need us in their faces 24 hours a day, but because relationships with those we love are what matters most. For everyone.

For the Love by Jen Hatmaker

For the Love has been such a breath of fresh air to me. Obviously it’s funny since she is a hoot, but it is like a little black dress.

It’s simple but special.

It goes with most everything.

Everyone should have it.

This book spoke to me about getting back to the basics and cutting through the fog of social media, our own (and society’s) warped expectations, and what really matters. What matters: people. What doesn’t: the minor details that weigh heavy.

Another part that touched my heart was her talk of community. Having moved frequently for the past – oh I don’t know, 10 years – has meant that I’ve made deep relationships, but then moved again.

It takes time and effort to establish deep relationships, and when you are frequently moving it’s hard. It’s so hard, in fact, that you begin to stop building those because you can’t be bothered.

So instead of bemoaning the lack of a “crew” and praying for deeper connections, I decided to put legs on my wishes. A friend and I are actually going to start a supper club.

Details to be worked out, but the goal is to have an inclusive place to just be together, have fun, eat good food, and do life. I feel such peace with this because – instead of complaining about a lack – we’re going to create something of substance.

But back to the book! It gives both forgiveness and a kick in the pants. Permission to relax as well as the desire to love others. It’s not a how to, but it births some dormant compassion inside of you that has been crushed by what you think you “should” do. If you’re sick of feeling you don’t measure up and can’t do it all then read.this.book.

13-18, 6-12

Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

Taking care of your mental health shouldn’t feel like another chore. This workshop shows you how to build simple, sustainable routines that support your well-being and your kid’s emotional health—without the stress or overthinking.

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So in short…

I highly recommend both Hands Free Life and For the Love and I recommend you read them either together or one after the other. The concepts they discuss aren’t the same, per se, but they build on and confirm one another. It’ll be like your own emotional spa treatment.

Related Reads:

How To Help Little Ones Feel Comfortable in New Situations

Do you have a toddler or preschooler – who you KNOW is not shy – that seems to not feel comfortable in new situations? Here’s how to help.

I am telling you…

Half the time parents don’t take their kids places because they think – or know – their kids will throw down.

They think it won’t be worth it, it won’t be fun, and it’s easier to just stay at home. Or… perhaps they’re dying to get out because they don’t want to be a stay at home mom who never leaves the house.

But, their kids just don’t seem to handle new places, new people or new settings.

This is more common than you’d imagine.

Truths about motherhood

Pre-motherhood we probably thought all kids were like the ones from movies and TV who were funny, cute, well behaved except for some mischievous behavior. But, even that seems cute on TV.

Instead we give birth to children who want to hide between our legs, stand beside us at parties, and who seem to skirt the edge of the fun. Never entering in.

I’ve been there.

My firstborn daughter spent her first 3 years acting shy, even though I knew she wasn’t. She acted standoffish.

I actually really agonized over this (Type A women agonize) for a while until I started to do things a bit differently with her to help her feel comfortable in new situations.

She grew up just fine. Now I’m using those tactics on my son who actually is more reserved than her in the first place.

I’m no expert, but here’s what I’m doing to help my kids feel and act more comfortable in new situations. Particularly new social situations.

1. Explain what’ll happen

I’ve gotten to the point now that anytime we are going somewhere, particularly if it’s new, I explain what will happen. Another way to do this is to ask them what they think will happen.

This works for things like the dentist, getting their hair cut, going to kid’s church, riding in the car for a long period, and the list goes on.

For my preschoolers, I’ll explain in depth what will happen and ask them to repeat it back in their own words. This helps them own it and, later, if they start to complain or get nervous I’ll ask them to repeat what I said and they do. It helps them be comfortable in new situations.
For my toddler I use as few words as possible and explain in brief terms. “A nice lady will use scissors to cut your hair. No crying or fussing and when we’re all done we’ll eat lunch. Can you say, “yes, mommy?” We can expect kids to just go with the flow since they have to, but it’s much nicer for them to be prepared.

2. Practice various scenarios

For a while my son froze up when someone talked to him… it seemed like he was being rude, but I knew he just had no clue what to say in that moment.

You can practice this, I did.

During random pockets of the day that were turning unruly (the same times I use to “interview” the kids) we’d practice saying hello, goodbye, or asking a simple question. After a few times he got it, was proud of himself, and hasn’t had trouble since.

Things to practice to get more comfortable in new situations:

You might want to practice dropping them off at the door (practice at your own door),
standing up and reciting a verse or sentence,
singing loudly, or whatever else they’ll need to do.
You can practice appropriate greetings for their friends, the friends’ parents, or the elderly.

Practice it until they are not nervous at all with you. This will help immensely.

Manners in a Disconnected World

Equipping parents with a simple, consistent approach to teaching and reinforcing good manners so that their child naturally incorporates polite behavior into daily life.

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3. Handle weirdness well

Kids aren’t born knowing how to handle things. They need to learn…

We shouldn’t have unrealistic expectations (for them or ourselves), but rather take things in stride. Kids hiding between your legs, freezing at piano recitals, throwing a tantrum when you have to drop them off at preschool or daycare.

These things happen. A child will look to her mother’s reaction during this time as well, to see if mom is pleased or not.

This is when you can use the phrase “we’re working on it.”

Don’t be embarrassed or act panicky which will only make your child feel worse.

Instead, calmly and with love say it’ll be okay and remind them what will happen. You might need to give them a minute to gather themselves – don’t we all need that from time to time – but be calm and help them persevere.

4. Go over what happened

This is similar to preparing beforehand, but it’s simply after. Kind of like a “do over.”

Whether a situation was smooth or bumpy, asking them to remember will help them internalize the experience and learn from their mistakes or help them feel good about how they handled it.

Again, be calm and loving, but you can say, “When I tried to drop you off at daycare you really got upset! You didn’t want to go, huh? What happened?”

This debrief time may be very revealing to you about their thoughts.

I am always amazed at the things my kids come out with that I never would have thought.

I’ll brag on the kids too if they handle things well. “I was so proud of you guys for sitting happily and waiting for mommy to finish her appointment. Man, it’s fun to bring you with me when I can count on you to behave!” These types of cheesy sentences are not cheesy to your kids.

Boundaries & Behavior

Loving Authority

Being in charge doesn’t mean being harsh or heavy-handed—it means being steady, clear, and confident. This workshop will help you understand what healthy authority really looks like. When you know how to show up as a secure, grounded leader, your kids feel safe, and everyone starts listening.

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In short

If there’s something “big” the kids need to do out of their comfort zone, prepare them beforehand and recap it afterwards.

What is the ideal spacing between children?

Are you trying to figure out family planning and child spacing? Here are some thoughts.

what is the ideal spacing between chidren

When I was pregnant with my first and said I wanted lots of children – and wanted them close together – my grandmother said something poignant. I’ve used it to defend myself (thanks, mima) to many people who think I’m crazy for having my children close together. It was this.

“Well,” she said, “It’s better to run through fire than to walk through it.”

My husband would probably argue that running or walking through fire will not make the amount of fire that comes into contact with your body any less, just simply that you are moving through it faster. (update: my husband just told me the that running through rain doesn’t make you less wet, but fire burns by heat transfer through contact so running faster will mean less burns! Right on, mima!).

But for me, that was part of our decision to have 4 kids in 4 years.

[Read more…]

Determine Your Beauty Type

If you feel you’re in a clothing or wardrobe slump, this is for you. Even if – ESPECIALLY IF – you are building a capsule wardrobe, this is key.

Not long ago I was on Instagram and saw a photo the Money Saving Mom posted. It was a link to some clothes then a description of how the course Dressing Your Truth® had ruined her for shopping. A big conversation started in the comments with others saying they loved it, how it had helped them feel good in their clothes and cut down their time being disappointed in the dressing room.

I checked it out, read the free ebook, signed up for the free videos, then knew I had to do the course. I wrote them and asked if I could give one away to you guys, too!!

It’s hard at first to say what the course is. It’s not just a color wheel, that tells you to dress in one season’s colors. It doesn’t give you a style you need to dress like, say, boho, but it is more a style guide based on your personality. And you know I love a good personality test!

My favorite parts about the Dressing Your Truth course:

It confirmed what I’ve always felt, but thought was just my laziness: if the beauty routine or my hair requires too much maintenance it will simply not happen.
I’ve always envied others who felt confident wearing necklaces, but on myself just felt they were too much. My beauty type looks great in chunky necklaces so I gave it a go – just needed the push – and I LOVE it.
It helped me not feel too guilty for even further slimming down my closet to the clothes I really like and that look good on me.
I feel more confident in accessorizing whereas before I always felt I had “too little” but didn’t know what to do.
Instead of staring at rack after rack and all the options, I’m more quickly able to skim through, choose things that look good with my beauty type, and go from there.
I felt more inspired and encouraged to look a bit nicer on most days. Not out of “should” or “guilt” but because it feels good and helps me to take my days more seriously.

I believe the four personalities from the course are based loosely on the four temperaments (phlegmatic, sanguine, choleric, and melancholic) but are called Beauty Types. The course leads you through questions about your personality and then you choose the type of beauty you believe you are.

This was easy for me because I’m Personality Test Queen, but I really enjoyed this process. I will say, some of their reasoning behind the types is a tad bizarre, but overall I think this course has really shaped the way I think about clothes.

What I really loved about this is that it’s not weight focused. It’s not about dressing in clothes that flatter your shape or size. It’s about dressing in clothes that reveal your personality. That make you feel like “you.” I have long known what style of clothes I like to wear, but not known what actually looks good on me.

I was initially worried that this course would say that my type of beauty (I’m Type 3^SM, by the way) needed to dress in super trendy styles. I don’t like trendy stuff, I like timeless preppy stuff.

But that’s the beauty of this. It isn’t about your size or your fashion type (trendy, classic, ultra girly, etc.). It also doesn’t say that you need to wear a few colors. It’s more of a guideline you can use within any type of clothes to find those that’ll bring out your personality.

Since having done this I think about getting dressed in a new way. I’m more of a minimalist when it comes to clothing and if it’s too much effort I don’t want to stick with it. I’ve also got 4 kids at home all day, plus I’m nursing, so too much fuss isn’t going to happen. That said, it also makes me want to take that little bit of extra care when getting dressed so I don’t feel abandoned to spit up stains. Or embarrassed when people come over and see that I haven’t done the slightest thing to take care of myself.

What type of “beauty” are you?

Giving Kids a Love for Music

Do you love music and want your kids to have the same appreciation? Here are some ways you can bring music into your everyday life with the kiddos. I’ve partnered with Bobs & LoLo to help promote their new CD Dirty Feet and since we have a love for music in our home, it wasn’t tough.

How to instil in your children a love for music that will, hopefully, last them a lifetime. Music is such an important part of life and here's how to expose your kids naturally.

“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent.” Victor Hugo

My mama made me take piano lessons. Every year or so I wanted to quit, but I’m so thankful I didn’t. I play the guitar as well and have sang in praise teams and choirs since youth. Am I amazing? No. Do I love it? Yes! My husband… the same. Both of us love music – though I’ll admit different types – and we both hope our kids will love it too.

Now this isn’t rocket science and I’m not talking about going all Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom on the kids, but just the small things that will help develop the kids’ natural interests and allow them to feel comfortable with music, singing, playing, and just creating sound.

1. Play music during restless times.

Music is a great way to diffuse a contentious moment and give the kids something to “focus” on. This is often a go to when we’ve had independent play, outside time, and have a long space of time with no planned activities to fill it. This is the best time to play music, actually, because it gives you something to do that involves the kids’ senses that isn’t screen time. Bobs & LoLo’s new album Dirty Feet is just the type of music that gets the kids involved. It’s catchy and begs you to sing and dance, if you know what I mean.

Family Practices & Contribution

Setting Your Family Pace

Family life shouldn’t feel like a constant race. This workshop helps you build a balanced, sustainable pace that handles responsibilities while making space for rest, connection, and what really matters.

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2. Sing randomly.

I have an okay voice, not amazing by any means, but I’m happy to sing all the time to and with the kids. I’ll sing sentences and sing to be silly. If you think your voice is like nails on a chalkboard, then you can always just have a sing songy type voice on occasion. I think the key for me is that the kids feel natural and not awkward breaking out in song. Ha :). My mom taught the kids God Bless America around the 4th of July this year, and they will randomly break out in song. Kids love an audience and I love being their audience.

3. Got an instrument?

My husband has a guitar and will often (by often I mean at least a few times a week) just sit and play the guitar. My daughter will go to him and start singing. Half the things she says make sense, the other half don’t, but she truly does have rhythm. She can change key, create a bridge, and sing a full few minutes on key. I just love watching her get creative.

4. Work it into normal activities.

One way that we play silly (which is good for my Type A personality) is to have marches. When we’re playing outside, walking around, or doing yard work I’ll often break out in song. Whether it’s a song kids know from a CD, church, or one we randomly make up, we will sing and shout and laugh. I will say I don’t do this on purpose, per se, but that it’s instinctual I guess. I really want the kids to feel comfortable around and with music.

Family Tidy Routines

This workshop will help you build a simple 15-minute daily routine that fits into real life—so the house stays (mostly) clean and the kids finally learn to help. Because a clean home is a team effort, not a one-mom show.

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5. Play it in the car.

I’ll admit I often play books on tape in the car, but as the kids get older and are able to understand words on the radio I find myself not wanting to let them hear the radio as much for long periods. It takes us 10 minutes to get to “town” so playing a CD is a great way to expose children to music, give them something to focus on, and help pass the time more calmly in the car.

My kids have watched the below video quite a few times and, since they get dirty feet pretty much every single day of their lives, found the whole video super fun. You an download DirtyFeet online here and purchase the physical CD here. Bobs & LoLo are touring North America, so if you love to take your kids to mini conerts and fun events that are age appropriate, check out their tour dates here.

Thanks to Bobs & LoLo for sponsoring this post and helping to get the word out about DirtyFeet.

Why Reading is Good for Moms (and a British Book List)

In your previous (non-mom) life, did you love reading? Well even though life is busy now, I believe time for reading can still be found, and think it’s a far better way to spend our time than some other things.

“Reading gives us someplace to go when we have to stay where we are.” M. Cooley

I have been a reader since childhood. From Sweet Valley High and the Babysitter’s Club to R.L. Stein. I read in the car, at home, and outside. I continued reading throughout my youth and into my 20’s… and then I had kids.

Then the books on my nightstand were parenting books. And then I grew sick of self-help.

It wasn’t until recently that I knew I needed to get back into reading because, see, my husband and I made a no technology rule after 8:00-ish p.m. If you’re used to having screen time in the evenings, it’s actually quite difficult to figure out how to fill your time at first.

Now we’ll usually do projects, talk, go for a swim, and read. I’ve gotten back in the habit and I feel so much more refreshed and balanced than before.

Read: 60+ Hobbies for SAHMs

Here’s why I think reading is good for moms.

1. It’s relaxing.

Lying on the couch, in your bed, or a favorite chair with a book is a cozy thing to do. Your body relaxes, your mind focuses on the story, and you lose yourself in the book.

Whereas a self-help book keeps you comparing and contrasting your own life with the story (not a bad thing in and of itself), you can lose yourself in a novel and sometimes that’s exactly what’s needed. Particularly if you are a tired mom or in a day to day stressful situation.

Self-Care That Sticks

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2. You can do it anywhere.

What I love about reading is that it is mobile. While I like sewing and DIY projects, you can’t do them in the waiting room at the doctor’s office. You can read a book in a waiting room, during the school pick up line, and obviously at home.

While at home I actually prefer to eat in bed for some reason. I think it helps me wind down. If I had a nice special chair and blanket I might change my mind, but for now I’m a bed reader.

3. It takes us out of our bubble.

When we’re in the thick of parenting (surviving the newborn phase or going through a difficult time with our toddlers) we often stay inside our own world. It becomes all about the kids. Teething, diaper rash, reading books, and making sure everyone is alive.

Sometimes reading books helps remind me that this phase is difficult, but it’s amazing. You can even join books clubs, virtual or in person, and use it as a weekly reprieve from the duties and tasks set out in your stay at home mom resume.

4. It’s a relatively inexpensive hobby.

I’ve talked about hobbies that are conducive to the stay at home mom lifestyle and hobbies for non-crafty moms. It’s a fairly robust list, and yet many of those hobbies can be pricey. Or at least they are pricey to get into initially.

Reading, on the other hand, need not be. Aside from the fact that you can read a good book over and over again, you can buy used books at low prices with free shipping.

(I’d never heard of Thrift Books until recently, but they have over 7 million used books and if you spend a certain amount the shipping is free.)

1. The Hound of the Baskervilles
2. Tales for a Winter’s Night
3. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: The Complete

Weary To Well

This 10-day reset will help you uncover what’s wearing you down (spoiler: it’s not just lack of sleep), set boundaries without guilt, and finally create space to breathe again. Because burnout isn’t your personality—it’s a signal things need to change.

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5. It keeps you off of social media.

Now, of course social media isn’t the devil or anything. As a blogger I use social media often, but probably because of that… I feel very imbalanced if I spend too much time on Facebook, Instagram or Pinterest.

I start feeling like I should do this or that. Or I realize I’m not trendy, but forget I don’t actually want to be trendy. I pin two thousand projects that the mentally transfer to my “to do” list since I’m a Type A mom and anything I see becomes something that is a possibility.

Reading takes you away from screens, away from comparison, and away from any feelings of “should” or “need to.” You actually stop thinking about yourself, period.

So here are those on my list. Some of these I have read and love and others are on my TBR list (which I recently found out is the “to be read” list).

Oh, and before we get started, I came across this free printable book journal where you can record the books you want to read, write the ones you have, write those you’ve abandoned (good way to find closure with a book you didn’t want to read, but don’t like to not finish something), and with a big list of book recommendations.

Read: All-Time Best Christian Parenting Books (According to Mom Reviews)

A British Book List

Agatha Christie Books

I love Agatha Christie. When I was pregnant with my first, I lived in Scotland in a cottage that had hundreds of books, and I read as many AC novels as I could find. My favorites are below.

1. And Then There Were None
2. Murder on the Orient Express
3. The Body in the Library
4. 4:50 from Paddington
5. At Bertram’s Hotel
6. Death on the Nile

Arthur Conan Doyle Books

I went through a phase in my early 20’s where I was mystery addicted and I find the old mysteries by AC and Arthur Conan Doyle to be more plot based and less gruesome with nothing very explicit.

How I Beat My Postpartum Sugar Addiction

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.

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Jane Austen Books

I have read every Jane Austen book, I do believe, and quite a few of them multiple times. They’re funny, easy, and actually very rich with profound character references.

1. Pride and Prejudice
2. Persuasion
3. Emma
4. Sense and Sensibility
5. Mansfield Park
6. Northanger Abbey

Related Reads:

Baby gifts for friends who have everything

I am more of a minimalist mom. Less is more. However, most of my friends are not! One of my very best friends recently had her first baby and – she probably already has more baby stuff than I do – but I still wanted to get her stuff. This post is brought to you by the Publix Baby Club. All opinions are my own.

Baby gifts for the mom who already has everything

When I had my first baby, the things I was most worried about were cute clothes. Every day, from infancy, she had on a cute onesie or outfit with a little headband or barrette. It was fun and I loved it! With each child we’ve welcomed into the family, the things that I wanted in preparation changed. By my third son (fourth child) I didn’t really want anything but diapers and a nice swaddle. And the little useful things I use every day.

I took my 1 year old with me to Publix last weekend because I knew he needed some time with me individually. Lately, his schedule has been out of whack and so has his little attitude. He’s my first child that tries to act cheeky and mischievous for a laugh and I think we’ve finally figured out how to suppress our laughter, ignore his cuteness factor, and work on his heart. But that’s another story…

If they already have everything, then don’t try to reinvent the wheel. Try to be useful. I try to err on the side of less stuff, more consumables. That way they don’t have to store it, they can use it!

So here’s what I got my friend and some ideas for what you can get your friends who seem to already have it all.

1. A good thermometer.

thermometer baby gifts to buy for the mom who already has everything

I really wish someone had given me a nice thermometer as a baby gift. Maybe because I’m frugal in nature, but spending more than $10 on a thermometer seemed like a waste. Until I realized how hard it was to get a good temperature with the cheap ones. I got my friend a nice thermometer and when I told her she thought that sounded great. I hope she won’t have to use it with her little man often, but having a good thermometer in the middle of the night is a lifesaver.

Read These While You’re At It

Is sleep a priority for you?

A weary mother’s love letter to her pillow

Expecting mother must haves for the yummy newborn phase

What expecting mothers need for the newborn phase

2. Pacifier (if they use them).

Granted you won’t know if your friend is going to use pacifiers until they have the baby, and see if the baby will take it (pros and cons of pacifiers here). But if you know they plan on using them, find out what type and stock up. I bought her two little blue pacifiers to keep in her stash since her son takes one. I personally think that, if you use pacifiers, you can never have too many. Some for the room, your purse, the baby bag, in the car, etc. It’s usually when you want it most that you’ve forgotten it.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5

Sleep Little Lamb (Ages 0-5)

Moms will walk away with a step-by-step sleep plan tailored to their child’s age and needs, designed to improve sleep within 3 days to 2 weeks.

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Great gifts for the mom who already has everything

3. Soothing products.

Another thing I’ve recently discovered since my youngest has eczema, is soothing products. Aveeno has soothing bath packs, gel, and lotion. There are other brands as well, and even soothing night wipes that you can buy scented, unscented, or with lavender for its calming properties. These are great gifts that a mom can keep in the bathroom and put in during a bath or immediately after. Also, they’re handy to around in case your baby gets a type of itchy rash since you can’t predict those.

Soothing items as gifts for babies when the mother already has everything else she needs!

4. Travel packs for diaper bag.

One way to guarantee you diaper bag system is not working too well is if you have to pack it with things you use at home every time. Then when you need them at home you’re running to the diaper bag. It needs to be packed and not unpacked, in my opinion, full of some of the stuff you might need like diaper cream, lotion, baby oil, etc. Buying small travel packs are perfect for diaper bags or even to be kept in the trunk of the car for emergencies. Again, with babies so much of what needs to be done is preparation.

soothing products for babies for the mom who already has everything

5. Simple cutesy extras.

If I’m giving cutesy extras, I try to keep them minimally priced because you never know if they’ll be used or not. One thing I saw in Publix I’d never seen before was these little high chair place mats. They can be used at restaurants or at home, obviously. While using disposable place mats every meal would not be considered green, it is a lot easier than cleaning up messes in public with wipes. I think they’d be handy to keep in the diaper bag and use at restaurants if not for playing on them with toy cars. Ha!

Family Practices & Contribution

Weary To Well

Start Now

If you have a Publix near you like I do, you can join Publix Baby Club for free and receive coupons, helpful tips, a newsletter, and other goodies right to you. I think this is convenient in that purchasing baby products is a large part of a mother’s expenditure and being able to buy food and baby stuff in one place saves a lot of time. You’ll particularly want to check this out if you coupon!

How to Organize your Diaper Bag

My diaper bag used to be a hot mess. I’d find smashed fruit snacks, dirty spoons, and stained onesies Sunday morning 5 minutes after we should have already left for church. When I got pregnant with my third, I wrote a post on what was in my diaper bag and it continues to be one that gets traffic monthly.

I want to show you the diaper bag organizers I use and then give one away! I contacted sugarSNAP myself because I’ve used their diaper files for two years now and love them. I actually use them in my diaper bag and my purse because, you know, sometimes your purse becomes your diaper bag. 🙂

The files all hook on a ring (not shown here, but you can see it if you go to the store), are sturdy, come in various sizes, and have cute little labels.

I put travel size oil, powder, diaper dream, and lotion in the “Lotions and Potions” file, my wallet, phone, and change purse in the “Me and Mine” file and, obviously, diapers and wipes in the “Dipes and Wipes.” I put spare clothes, shoes, and undies in another one and then keep one in the diaper bag and another in my purse.

Family Tidy Routines

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Things to keep in your diaper bag.

diapers
wipes
spare clothing
diaper cream
pacifier (if you us one, here are the pros and cons of using a pacifier)
hand sanitizer
diaper bags (or a wet bag if you cloth diaper)
snack
sippy cups
sunscreen
emergency information

To enter for a chance to win your own diaper files just leave a blog comment telling me what the weirdest thing in your diaper bag is, and then fill out the Rafflecopter widget below.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Should I parent by instinct or with a plan?

Should I parent with a plan or by instinct? Here are some thoughts on how our instincts can shape (but should not replace) a parenting plan.

Instinct: the inherent inclination of a living organism towards a particular complex behavior.

Strategy: a plan of action designed to achieve a major or overall aim.

I believe there are times in parenting when we must use our instinct. I’ve known my children were sick or hurt in some way long before others noticed. It’s a mother’s sixth sense. Other times my instincts have told me that a total change in routine would benefit one child or another, and I was right!

That said, I also believe there are times in parenting when we must develop a plan, and then carry it out even if it starts to conflict with our momentary instincts. Why?

Because instincts are not always to be trusted.

Following your gut instinct is not always a wise idea. Many times it is, but definitely not always. If many of our natural instincts must be tempered with self-control and wisdom, parenting will be no different. Our instincts may tell us to hate, hold grudges, be promiscuous, lie to protect ourselves, sleep all day, play video games all night, and eat only brownies (or in my case only cheese).

Most would agree these impulses should be tempered with good judgment. If we must temper our own instincts with good judgment, why shouldn’t we do the same with parenting?

Here are some personal examples when my instincts tell me to do one thing, but my long-term values tell me to do another.

When a child is whining for something I’ve told him he can’t have, but I want to give it to him just to make the whining stop.
When it’d be easy to bribe the kids for good behavior on a regular basis because the results are instant and, for the moment, positive.
When I’d rather put them in front of the TV to get them to calm down instead of training them not to run and scream through the house.
When I’ve promised a consequence, but I don’t want to carry it out because I know they’ll be unhappy.

Those are just a few, but often my instincts tell me to please my child at all costs to keep the harmony. But is that a good idea in the long run?

I think instincts must be tempered with a basic parenting strategy.

How will they be disciplined if they scratch their brother, sister or the neighbor’s prized show dog? The time to decide how to handle a situation is not right after they have emptied your purse in the deodorant aisle at Target or ran screaming away from you down the aisle. Knowing how and when you’ll train your child is more methodical than a knee-jerk reaction to their bad behavior or ignorance.

Without a strategy to fall back on we will often punish or discipline in anger and live to regret it. Your child loses your car keys and you respond,”That’s it, no TV for a week!” Well, upon cooling down you realize perhaps that’s a bit harsh. Now you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place.

You either (a) go back on your word which – if done regularly – teaches them that you don’t really mean what you say, or (b) carry out a harsh punishment that does not fit the crime. You feel guilty that you reacted in haste and they are confused at the severity of the punishment.

Without a strategy it will happen to the best of us.

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Should We “Make” Our Kids Forgive or Is Forgiveness a Choice?

If you’ve ever made your kids forgive their siblings, even when you mean it, you understand. Is forcing someone to forgive true forgiveness? What is the best way to teach forgiveness?

“Will you forgive me?”

A very common phrase. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago, however, that I realized I dislike hearing children ask each other for forgiveness. It rubs me the wrong way. And I’m not going to teach my kids to do it.

I will teach my children to forgive.

Furthermore, I’ll create a home atmosphere of grace and forgiveness.

I will also actively train their hearts not to hold grudges.

Kids are arguing and mom is learning how to teach forgiveness.

But I will not teach my kids to ask each other for forgiveness. Why?

Because forgiveness is a gift. And it can’t be forced

Imagine this scenario:

Jamie and John are brother and sister. One day at school John’s friends start mercilessly teasing Jamie, and John doesn’t say a thing in her defense, but laughs along with them.

Jamie is hurt by the teasing, and even more hurt because her brother didn’t stand up for her.

So now a few things have happened. Jamie’s feelings have been hurt and the brother/sister relationship has a breach. By encouraging John to immediately apologize and Jamie to forgive, without working through this situation, you’d be encouraging Jamie to stuff her feelings and move on.

And you’d be teaching John that a few words lets you off the hook.

This may mean John never gets a chance to feel remorseful and make amends. And that Jamie says “I forgive you,” but deep down holds a grudge.

Because grudges aren’t always from a refusal to forgive, but often from unresolved feelings. I don’t believe this is really how to teach forgiveness.

How to Teach Forgiveness

Here are some points dealing with how to teach forgiveness that I have learned over the years:

Forgiveness is a process that should not be rushed.

It’s the injured party who should forgive. There’s a great quote about unforgiveness I want to reference here, because I don’t want anyone to think I support holding grudges.

By teaching our children to go to their sibling right after they’ve hurt them and say, “I was wrong, please forgive me,” you’re putting pressure on the other child to reach a point in the forgiveness process they may not be at.

There should be time to release their feelings, not stuff them in their emotional basement .

Forgiveness must come.

Not because someone asked for it, but because it’s a good thing to do.

If Jamie is made to “forgive” before she’s ready it will be false. She may not have actually forgiven and might even feel more resentment towards her brother because she’s supposed to just be “over it.”

Nor will John have learned that real life consequences exist when you hurt another person.

Saying you forgive someone is not the same as forgiving someone.

If our children learn that saying, “I forgive you” is all that forgiveness is, they are deceived.

Although forgiveness is a freeing action, learning to teach forgiveness it can be difficult. Oh sure, a kick from a brother, a small white lie, one sibling taking something without asking… these aren’t major heartaches.

Some things can be forgiven quickly and there is no need to dwell on it. Still, a child must engage with what’s happened and then choose to release that person.

That is true forgiveness.

They won’t do that if your house rule puts them on the spot to respond to the “guilty” sibling with “I forgive you.”

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Forgiveness is a choice, a gift.

Forgiveness is a must for us, for our own benefit and well-being.

But, to the person who receives the forgiveness, it’s a gift. Would you go up to another person and say, “Excuse me, I just drove your bike into a wall for fun. Will you hurry up and fix it so I can ride it again?”

No, no you wouldn’t. Why? Because you don’t hurt someone else and then ask for a favor. When you hurt someone you apologize with a humble heart and work to repair that relationship.

Instead of going up to them and asking, “Will you forgive me?” a better question would be, “What can I do to mend this?”

What Teaching Forgiveness Looks Like in Action

In the situation above, I would hope it played out like this:

Jamie was able to take the time needed to work through her feelings.

It hurt to be publicly ridiculed. It was embarrassing to be called names, and humiliating that her own brother would laugh instead of telling them to stop.

As her mother I would encourage her to process her feelings with the goal of forgiveness and reconciliation. I would allow John to feel the weight of his poor choices, and have him seek to repair and restore their relationship.

I would not undermine Jamie’s pain by thinking it will all be over with a “will you forgive me?” on the same night it happened.

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True forgiveness…

I want to teach my children to forgive from their heart and to let go of grudges.

Bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness are poisons to the soul.

I also want to teach my children that hurting others has real consequences and that forgiveness is not always meted out as we would like.

In fact, some people may never extend that gift to you. Even if you ask nicely.

And at the bottom of all this… I want my children to draw a parallel to God and the forgiveness He offers us. We aren’t forgiven because we have good manners. It’s not because we deserve it. We are forgiven in spite of the fact that we don’t deserve it.

A humble heart offers an apology without expecting anything in return.

And, a forgiving heart releases the other from wrongdoing, whether or they ask or not.

Car Tips & Hacks For The Family Vehicle – You’ll Love These

These family car hacks make riding in the car with the kids much easier and more organized. Use these tips for your vehicle.

I’m in toddler heaven over here. Well, preschooler and toddler. And baby, to be honest, but the baby is outnumbered.

After having driven with babies, toddlers, and preschoolers on three continents in numerous vehicles, here are my top tips for traveling with the little kiddos.

Tips for travel and car safety for toddlers

I am a slow driver.

I pay close attention, get in no hurry, and am extremely cautious while in the car. Last Saturday night (the 4th of July) we were circling around looking for a parking spot to watch the fireworks, and we witnessed an accident.

Both cars were going slow, luckily, and no one was hurt, but both my husband and myself were pretty surprised when we see the driver of the truck jump out with his toddler about 30 seconds after the accident happened.

Because the toddler hadn’t been in a car seat. Because it was a single cab truck. It made both my husband and myself catch our breathe, and give thanks no one was harmed. But it goes without saying car seats are a must.

Here are some car safety tips and hacks for riding with toddlers

After having 5 kids in 5 years, we’ve come up with quite a few hacks for the family vehicle. Read on to find out.

1. Get a good car seat that grows with your toddler

Instead of buying a new car seat every year for one child, buy a car seat that grows with your child. There are many types on the market today and this works well if you have multiple children.

You can get one car seat that grows with your little one, and then pass it down to the next child.

2. Put a shoe by the car seat to avoid forgetting your baby in a car

It’s heart wrenching to even talk about, but children pass away each summer due to suffocation in hot cars.

I saw a tip on Facebook last month to take off your shoe and put it by the car seat in the back. This way you have to reach around to the back seat for your shoe, and won’t forget precious cargo.

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3. Store any supplies you might need in the car

Recently I cleared out our extended cab truck and wanted to create an “emergency supplies” box.

This really takes a load off your mind in case you forget your diaper bag or water at home. Fill a box with the following:

water bottles
diapers
wipes
extra outfits
emergency numbers
an umbrella
cash
jumper cables
a towel
a blanket
and some rope (for towing, etc.)

That’s a start, anyway 🙂

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4. Keep trash bags handy

I took one of those inexpensive drawstring backpacks and hung it from the passenger side headrest. I stopped doing this for a while and the truck got trashed in no time.

It is so convenient to have something ready to be filled up with juice bottles, crayon wrappers, napkins, stray papers, La Croix cans, and whatever else the kids manage to get their hands on.

I also find it more relaxing to ride in a clean vehicle.

5. Create busy bags

I have quite a few blogger friends who are pros at making busy bags. A busy bag is essentially a bag full of things that will keep your toddlers and preschoolers busy.

Here’s a list of 25 busy bag ideas you can pull out when you are going to be in the car for a while or expect to get caught in traffic.

6. Get some good CDs, playlists, etc.

We have quite a few calm sing-a-long CDs that we bring out when we’ll be in the car for a while.

It’s amazing how much more calm the kids are when we play specific child friendly music as opposed to listening to our favorite radio stations.

I do think the type of music matters, and I try to stray from super energetic music because that’ll just make the kids want to move and they can’t since they are strapped in.

7. Keep snacks ready, but nothing that’ll melt

If you allow snacking in the car, keep them handy and be sure they are not choke hazards in any way, and that they won’t melt.

If you are in the driver’s seat you don’t want to give your child anything that’ll cause you to obsess about whether or not they are okay. I’ve given grapes before (even halved) and I was flipping out the whole time.

I know. I’m probably paranoid, but still. Also, unless you are heading straight home, food that doesn’t melt is recommended if it’s summer and you live in a hot state!

Tips for Fishing with Kids

I’ve grown up with fishermen on both sides of my family, and now that we are near a pond I can’t wait to take my own kids fishing all the time. Here are some tips for fishing with kids (that I’ve gleaned from my own life, friends, and Google).

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of Shakespeare® for IZEA. All opinions are 100% mine.

dad and young son sitting on pier fishing

I come from a family of fishermen! We live very near the coast and directly near tons of ponds and lakes. My father and his brothers have fished their whole life. My maternal grandfather actually set up an area in his barn for his fishing equipment and boat. Oh and he actually built a special station just outside of the barn with a sink for scaling fish.

Fishing is serious business, folks.

Now we live on the family property and we’ve got a pond! I’ve been thinking about getting fishing poles for the kids for a few months now so was so excited to jump start the process when Shakespeare and Stren contacted me. Let’s just say the kids were so excited to open the boxes up and start fishing.

We’re on a mission to make fishing a regular part of our lives (hello, free food) because it’s just so good to have things to do that don’t involve technology. We’ve recently stopped watching TV during the week at all (because it stops the whining) and particularly in the summer it’s nice to have things to do outside.

Plus, I see fishing as an investment in your family. It’s time together to talk, make memories, and get some good ole Vitamin D. One thing I did learn while being together with the kids out there is that, if they are little, you might to consider taking one child at a time. This is good for both relationship building, and also so you can actually fish instead of just trying to get everyone from hooking each other.

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Make it easy

If you don’t have any fishing equipment, start easy. We actually have a lot of fishing equipment in our barn since my grandfather was a lifelong fisherman, but it’s dusty and old and I don’t know what goes where. These fishing combos save you all that trouble and come with a small tackle box that has everything you need to get started and instructions! Oh and they come pre-spooled which is a total lifesaver for newbies. My husband was not excited about spooling the fishing line himself. Ha.

Change your expectations.

If you’ve gone fishing previously it might have been a relaxing time for you. Maybe you put the pole in a PVC pipe in the ground and sit down and relax. If there are kids and hooks, however, it won’t start out relaxing. In fact, it might take years until you feel that a fishing trip feels like a calming family bonding time. Also, it might feel like a lot of work for a few fish. But that’s where we have to stop thinking things aren’t “worth it” on our end. I’m sure it’ll be “worth it” to them!

Avoid the baby poles.

Lots of people (and blogs) say to avoid the very small child poles. They aren’t even that cheap money wise, but you get a cheap line and they won’t grow with your child. A youth pole is different than a child pole, and youth poles will grow with your small child until adolescence. The very small toddler pole is not generally recommended.

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Practice casting.

I went trout fishing in Scotland with a lifelong best friend. It was completely awesome in every way except that I didn’t’ actually catch a fish. They told me I was a pro at casting! Ha. I remember growing up fishing occasionally and I was far more excited about casting well than catching a fish. Weird, but true. Anyway, if you have more than one child who’s going fishing let them practice casting away from the other siblings. Let each child practice casting in a short distance at first, then farther and farther. Before you put bait on the hook, let them practice.

Above is my daughter “practicing” before we’ve even threaded the fishing line and put hooks on. 🙂

Live bait.

Life's too short to fish with a dead cricket

Obviously this isn’t a necessity, but I personally think live bait is the most fun and interesting for kids. Depending on their age, worms may be more exciting than the actual fishing :). That said, it’s important to pick the right bait for kids because you want your kids to experience big wins so they catch a love for fishing. According to Take Me Fishing, you want your bait to be approximately the same size as your hook. Worms or crickets are fine, but maybe cut the bait to fit the size of the hook.

Our neighbor and friend, Jason, said we could keep crickets and warms as well and that would add to the excitement. Actually he called the worm wigglers. We’re going to the local bait shop to get some soon. If we can’t get a dog we can get crickets, right?

Just bring them along.

If you’re thinking of taking kids fishing, but aren’t sure where to start, just go to ponds, lakes, or fishing holes with your kids. Even toddlers will enjoy a walk in nature. Look at the pond for fish, talk about fishing, eat some fish! Just get them out there and exposed and build anticipation. Anticipation makes things so much more fun!

Fish where the fish are.

Now there are fish in our pond, but there aren’t tons. Fishing in our own pond goes against this, but it’s easy. So convenience wins! That said, if you want to get your children into fishing go fish where the fish are. This will mean the kids actually get to experience the excitement of catching a fish regularly that first time. Whether you throw them back (fun in itself) or bring them home, your kids be more excited about fishing again when they’ve experienced some success.