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Strengths of the Strong + Deliberate Mom

Your melancholic temperament has much to offer your children and family and here’s why. This is installment 3 of 4 of the four temperaments and how each of them bring life to their family.

If you are not the Strong + Deliberate mom, but know someone who is, take the time to share this post with them to give them encouragement in their motherhood journey!

You are a woman of strong convictions.

An introvert by nature, you have all manner of emotions, thoughts, and feelings going on inside, but are not quick to express them. You don’t often lose your temper and think long and hard before acting. As a mom this serves you well because one incident doesn’t push you over the edge.

Not that you are overly patient, but you process things thoroughly, and are neither rash nor impulsive.

A researcher by nature the Strong + Deliberate mom has great plans for her family. You love to set goals, determine how to meet them, and put your family on the right path.

Your goals line up with your values, principles, and beliefs, and your inner passion helps push everyone towards these goals and dreams.

You are a strong, deliberate, idealistic, detail oriented, introverted mom. You are a blessing to your children and family and here's why!

You don’t abide sloppy effort. You want things done to a high standard, and you work hard to instill in your children the idea that “a thing worth doing is worth doing well.”

Your daily actions and choices align with your core values, and you don’t change habits or hobbies quickly. Your children will appreciate your constancy, steadiness, and strength. When striving for something you want (for yourself or your family) you can be tenacious.

Your family will long benefit from how hard you work to make their plans become a reality.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Sticky Routines System

Giving you a step-by-step guide to overcome barriers and stick to the healthy routines you’ve committed to. Learn the mindsets and secrets disciplined moms use to run a tight ship🚢 (think, mornings, chores, homework, bedtime, self-care, etc.)

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The Strong + Deliberate mom is well organized. This may mean very tidy or well-organized clutter, but either way everything is in its place. You likely have a good chore or cleaning system, and expect others in the home to adopt your own high standard so the home can be a place you are at peace.

You are self-sacrificing and loyal to those you love. You prefer a few close friends, tried and true, that you can rely on and who believe and live similarly to you.

Your children are certain of your love and devotion to them and derive comfort from this. Because you are a sensitive person, you are also thoughtful towards others in your words and deeds, particularly toward those who have proven themselves to you.

A gatherer of information by nature, you make informed decisions for your family. You are not afraid to research, ask questions, and spend ample time gathering everything needed to make the best decision or choice for yourself and family.

Moving the decision into action can be tough for you, but once it’s done your family will enjoy the fruits of such preparation and thought.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.

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You persevere.

You are attentive to detail.

You are compassionate and hold strong beliefs.

Your children will be well-grounded, more deliberate, and hard working because of you.

“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.”
Proverbs 31:11, 13, 16, 18

The Strong + Deliberate mom’s family are blessed by her strength, dignity, and ability to persevere and weather storms. She is a lighthouse to those who love her.

Strengths of the Fun + Energetic Mom

Are you a fun and energetic person? Here’s how your sanguine personality is a strength to your family! This is installment 2 of 4 this week where I’ll touch on all 4 personalities and the strengths they bring to motherhood.

If you are not the Fun + Energetic mom, but know someone who is, take the time to share this post with them to give them encouragement in their motherhood journey!

People, your kids included, enjoy being around you.

You love to have fun and bring energy and excitement into normal events. You are often found going the extra mile to make things special, pretty, or entertaining. Whether it’s a party, a play date, or even just a regular day at home, you find ways to bring in a bit more flair to break up the dullness.

You shine a light!

Because you are extroverted and love being around others, you’ve learned to make them feel comfortable. Your children feel confident and happy around you and thrive under your undivided attention.

When you are at the top of your game, they feel like the most special person around.

Are you a fun and energetic mom? Here are the personality characteristics, traits, ,and strengths of the sanguine mom. Her family is lucky to have her!

The Fun + Energetic mom doesn’t stress over the past or worry about the future, they live fully in the present. Whereas other personalities are prone to anxiety and stress over thing outside their control, you are inherently optimistic and therefore bring encouragement to those around you.

You are a spirit raiser!

Since you are a social butterfly, you and your kids have many friends. Whether you have regular play dates, outings, or entertain often, your children are never lacking playmates and the adventure and excitement that childhood is made of.

Because of your “glass half full” mentality, you are an accomplished encourager. Always looking for the bright side of things gives your children the advantage of a positive, life-giving atmosphere.

You feel emotions strongly, but are able to release them and move on quickly. You may have sudden outbursts, but are fast to apologize and mend fences. You have an inherent need to please others and be loved so you work to create an atmosphere of harmony in your home.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

13-18, 6-12

Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

Taking care of your mental health shouldn’t feel like another chore. This workshop shows you how to build simple, sustainable routines that support your well-being and your kid’s emotional health—without the stress or overthinking.

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Of all the personalities, the Fun + Energetic mom may struggle being a stay at home mom if she feels isolated. That said, since you care about how you look and dress, you will not likely neglect “self care.“

This will help you feel like “you” amidst the major changes motherhood brings. You’ll naturally continue finding ways to have fun (old and new) so you’ll take motherhood in stride.

The Fun + Energetic mother wants to dress her kids in cute outfits, schedule fun family photo shoots, and make sure the children have plenty of opportunity to do the fun stuff of life! This may become a struggle as the children get older and have more responsibilities, but when they are young it’s an awesome time for everyone!

Your people-loving and fun personality lends itself to physical touch and your children will be hugged, kissed, and cuddled to pieces which makes for a tight family bond.

You are loving.

You are present in the moment.

You help others to relax and have a good time.

You’re an encouragement to your family day in and day out.

“She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

She makes linen garments and sells them; she supplies the merchants with sashes.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at days to come.”

Proverbs 31: 20-22, 24-25

The Fun + Energetic Mom’s husband and children have richer and more adventurous lives because of the blessing she is in their household.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Self-Care That Sticks

In this workshop, you’ll ditch the “I don’t have time” excuse and build a flexible, doable self-care plan that fits into your real life. Because taking care of yourself shouldn’t feel like another thing on your to-do list.

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Strengths of the Confident + Take Charge Mom

Are you a confident and take charge type of woman? Your personality is your strength so here’s how your choleric temperament benefits your whole family. This is installment 1 of 4 on the four temperaments. This week, on four separate days, I’m going to describe a mom with each of the four temperaments.

My goal is to help you identify what type of personality you are born with. I’m going to describe the positives about your temperament and how it blesses your family.

We often view ourselves in light of everyone else’s accomplishments, even those completely different than us, and feel discouraged.

My aim is to help you identify your strengths (and later I’ll do the same for your kids’ strengths) and to begin noticing the small ways, the little ways throughout the day, that you are nurturing and caring for those around you.

If today’s temperament is not your own (we still have Strong + Deliberate, Fun + Energetic, and Calm + Steady to come), think about another mother this is describing and take the time to send it to her to encourage her that she is running her race well.

The Confident + Take Charge mom is based on the choleric temperament seen through the lens of motherhood.

Are you a confident and take charge mom? Here are how the strengths of your "get 'er done" personality serve you as a mom and bless your whole family!

You are a go-getter.

You’re extroverted, practical, and quick thinking. You are active at home and otherwise, always looking for something to do or, conversely, noticing what needs to be done.

You’re the most self-confident temperament, and in large part this is due to the fact that you celebrate your successes, and see obstacles and failings as challenges. You don’t place your worth in one time events or situations so you move confidently through life. Motherhood is no different.

The Confident + Take Charge mom is loyal and protective. You want the best for your little ones and do not abide anyone or anything that seems to threaten that peace and safety.

You take your role as a mother seriously, and have high expectations for your family. Your visionary nature lends you to create goals, wishes, and plans for your family’s future and you work hard to bring those to fruition. When challenges arise, you are able to rise above the moment and keep your eye on the big picture. It’s why you are a natural leader.

The running of the home is no problem for the Confident + Take Charge mom and her home is usually ordered and organized. You, more than any other temperament, are able to get a lot done in a short amount of time. It comes so natural to you, in fact, that you take for granted others are able to as well.

You are active and energetic and provide your children with ample opportunities to explore, have fun, and learn. You see the big picture in the small things. How one lesson adds to their knowledge. How reading one book aloud brings them closer to reading on their own. How one day at a museum broadens their horizons. How one cuddling or wrestling session strengthens a relationship.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

13-18, 6-12

Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

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The role of discipline and training in parenting comes natural to you. You were born to be in authority and are able to enact consequences and deal quickly with disciplinary issues. The emotionally mature Confident + Take Charge moms are able to consistently discipline their children while being very loving and nurturing at the same time because they know the value both of these things have on character building.

You challenge your children to bring out the best in them and unlock their potential. Whether you challenge them directly (those children you know respond well to this) or you gently push them into new situations that will challenge them, you see each child individually and work to help develop their little characters and hearts with enthusiasm.

The Confident + Take Charge mom quickly identifies her children’s strengths (and weaknesses) and seeks to build up their strengths through practice and repetition. She also gives her kids tools to help manage their weaknesses. Because she views the big picture (10, 15, or 20 years from now) she is able to persistently work with her child in areas they struggle with, providing both encouragement and correction when necessary.

You are incensed at the thought of injustice or bullying so you speak frequently about standing up for one’s self and others. You encourage your children to speak out and stand up for what they believe in. Being Confident + Take Charge you already know your values and beliefs, and are easily able to communicate those with your kids in hopes they adopt the same values. You ask questions, encourage discussion, and earnestly desire your children to have a strong sense of self.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

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You are a good homemaker.

You’re not easily frazzled by the shenanigans of small children.

You are protective and loyal like a mama bear.

You want your kids to rise to their potential and you see how great they can be, even before they do.

“She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks….
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.”
Proverbs 31:17, 25-27

The Confident + Take Charge Mom’s children (and husband) are likely amazed by your capacity to think, feel, and act so decisively. They count themselves blessed to have you.

Leave me a comment if you know you are a choleric Strong + Confident mom!

Click on the descriptions below and it’ll take you to that post. I recommend reading all 4 before you determine which temperament you are!

Car Tips for Moms

The car, just like the house, seems to get junked up in no time. Here are my tips to *try* and maintain a clean car with little ones. This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of PERK. All opinions are 100% mine.

I feel like I’m a bit bipolar with my car. Have been with all my cars. I go through phases of obsessively trying to keep it clean and organized until… one day… I notice it looks like a bomb has exploded in a play room. Then I start the cycle all over again. Part of the reason why it cycles is because once a mess starts to build up, I ignore it if I can’t tidy it up in less than a minute.

I will also note that car satisfaction goes up when the car is clean and down when it’s dirty. Years ago someone told me that if I keep my car clean (inside and out) then I’m less likely to daydream about buying a new car. It works! So if you’re currently driving a “character building car” that may help you. 🙂

But once you have toddlers and preschoolers we all know the car can become a great big landing place for clutter, snacks, books, and random toys. Not to mention it can smell. Here’s how I try to go about keeping cars tidy as possible without wasting a lot of time in the “clean up the car” arena.

Read These While You’re At It

Moms, Sometimes Doing The “Right” Thing Is Wrong

Ways to Connect with your Preschool Daughter

7 Simple Things You Can Do To Prepare Your Family For The Whole Year

34 Things I’ve Learned In 34 Years

1. Keep a trash container

This is a big one and probably the most obvious. Whether it’s a plastic bag, a cereal container (I’ve seen that floating around Pinterest, have you?), a reusable bag or whatever else. Keep something that’s easily accessible, but won’t spill when you take a sharp turn. This way you can get everyone in the habit of throwing away trash as it comes instead of finding it stuck to things two months down the road. Same in the car as with the house, it’s the routines that keep things tidy.

2. Deal with the smell

There are potty training mishaps, crumbs, and sweat soaked shoes that my children take off often found in the car. I’m not sure why, but the car tends to get a not terribly pleasant smell. This leads me to rolling the windows down. For some reason my kids don’t really like the windows down. I tried making a felt ball essential oil freshener once, but the smell was overpowering and lasted about 24 hours.

I got sent these PERK Vent Wraps to try out and like them for a few reasons. They are sleek, not some big heavy plastic thing that falls off when you slam on brakes. They’re easy to use and work whether or not the vents are blowing air, don’t spill or leak like those plastic ones with liquid, and they are individually packed. That actually matters because when they are packed in two and you open one, well, they both “activate.”

3. Let them get in and out.

I’ve done this for as long as my little ones are able. We drive a truck and it may take the kids extra time to climb into it and out of it, but they love the challenge. It takes a long time to strap in 4 kids so I try to get as much help as possible. They climb in, seat themselves, and buckle the top clip for the car seats. I then come around and lock the bottom seat belt and we’re good to go. It’s a small thing, but there are many little things that very young kids actually can do for themselves.

4. Set up emergency kit.

A few months ago I cleaned out the back of the vehicle, moved or got rid of everything that wasn’t being used, and created a small emergency kit. I will say here that I didn’t include everything that “they” suggest. A completely new and charged cell phone is on that list. I have 4 children none of which are yet in Kindergarten so I assure you I don’t have the time nor inclination to make sure I have a separate emergency cell phone fully charged at all times.

However some good things to have in there that don’t require spending a lot of time or money are:

water bottles
jumper cables
outfit per family member
snack bar
flashlight
rags
duct tape
rope (in case someone has to help haul your car)
warm blanket and gloves (particularly if you live in a cold climate)

5. Have a signal.

This is more of a mental health sanity saver. I am a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) which means that I’m very affected by external stimuli such as noise and smell. I don’t mind some chatter and I actually love to hear the kids laughing and playing, but too much is too much. If I need a few minutes of quiet I’ve taught the kids a signal. I raise my right hand up with all fingers out and say “no talking until I put my hand down.” This works if they are fighting or doing the whole, “He put his foot where my foot goes” bit.

6. Put your devices out of reach.

It has been impressed on my heart lately the importance of leaving my phone where I cannot even access it. Of course we don’t need to text or mess around on our phone while driving, but the temptation to scroll or check kept coming over me even at red lights! If I can’t sit still for one minute while I wait for a light to turn green then I have a problem. So I’ve started putting it in my purse on the passenger side floorboard. If it rings, oh well. If I think it’s important I can just pull over.

7. Teach the kids to observe.

I may be in the minority here, but I don’t let my kids use any type of device in the car nor do they usually bring books unless it’s truly a long drive. They don’t have busy bags or toys (not that those are bad). They just sit there. They talk, sing, look out the window, and ask me questions. We just do life. I think the tendency to always give our kids things to do can create children who expect us to entertain them. I don’t think they need to learn entertainment, they need to know how to entertain themselves. Road trips, of course, have different consideration.

Giveaway

If you are looking for a car freshener then you can enter a comment below for a chance to win a 6 month supply of PERK products/fragrances, 1 travel mug, and 2 pairs of PERK sunglasses! You can find PERK air vents at Wal-Mart, Target, Advance Auto Parts, and other places auto air fresheners are sold. Here is a $1 off PERK coupon and on social media you can find PERK’s Facebook.

2 Books All Moms Should Read Right Now

If you struggle with your Type A personality and find it tough to relax and smell the roses, you need to read these two books now. Post contains affiliate links.

I was in Barcelona with a friend watching flamenco in the most famous venue in Spain for this dance. I mean, honestly, Justin Timberlake has a picture on the wall.

We watched 45 minutes of an hour long show when the last dancer – and most famous – got on the stage. I suddenly was overwhelmed with the thought that if we didn’t make our way to the back, we’d have to wait hours settling our bills, and we’d never get out.

I freaked out my friend and we quietly made our way to the back. At the door we turned around to see the headlline dancer killing us with her crazy intense black eye liner eyes as though to say, “You dare to leave while I am on stage?“

Then before it was fully over… we left. It was all on me.

I am so ashamed of this moment.

What kind of idiot goes all the way to Spain (I was living in Europe at the time but still) and leaves THE most famous flamenco dance early? And yet, it is so telling of my Type A compulsive tendencies to make sure I don’t get (a) inconvenienced, (2) held up or made to wait, and (d) out of control.

After having had four kids I’m far more laid back than I used to be. I’ve had to let go of some unrealistic expectations, give myself some grace, and start evaluating whether my choices were wise instead of “right.” This week I’ve read these two books and I cannot tell you what a breath of fresh air they are for a Type A woman such as myself. I highly highly recommend you read them back to back or even together because – while different – they are singing the same tune.

Hands Free Life by Rachel Macy Stafford

Hands Free Life is like some type of thick honey body butter, but for your insides. As I read it I had this feeling of a healing salve for my emotions and driven tendencies.

Normally I shy away from books I feel are too “touchy feely” because who has time for all the descriptions of leaves and smells and for goodness’ sake, get to the point.

But with this book, I was riveted from the beginning because I felt myself relaxing and being filled with peace as I read. Aside from the Bible, this has never happened to me while reading a book. She didn’t discount the things of life that have to be done, but spoke to the things that really matter.

Read: All-Time Best Christian Parenting Books (According to Mom Reviews)

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Self-Care That Sticks

Start Now

And what separated this book – in my opinion – from others that are perhaps similar is the storytelling. Each section and chapter had stories from her own life and those of her children. Because these stories are so relatable, you immediately could put yourself in her shoes.

“Do I just finish what I was doing or do I look my child in the eye?”

“Is finishing my (never ending) to do list really more important?”

I’ve been having this inner struggle for a while now, but hadn’t been able to quiet the inner turmoil. Her storytelling and writing did it for me.

Honestly. I have been more at peace, more relaxed in expectations, kinder, and far more attentive to the little moments during the day that actually make up a life.

Not because kids need us in their faces 24 hours a day, but because relationships with those we love are what matters most. For everyone.

For the Love by Jen Hatmaker

For the Love has been such a breath of fresh air to me. Obviously it’s funny since she is a hoot, but it is like a little black dress.

It’s simple but special.

It goes with most everything.

Everyone should have it.

This book spoke to me about getting back to the basics and cutting through the fog of social media, our own (and society’s) warped expectations, and what really matters. What matters: people. What doesn’t: the minor details that weigh heavy.

Another part that touched my heart was her talk of community. Having moved frequently for the past – oh I don’t know, 10 years – has meant that I’ve made deep relationships, but then moved again.

It takes time and effort to establish deep relationships, and when you are frequently moving it’s hard. It’s so hard, in fact, that you begin to stop building those because you can’t be bothered.

So instead of bemoaning the lack of a “crew” and praying for deeper connections, I decided to put legs on my wishes. A friend and I are actually going to start a supper club.

Details to be worked out, but the goal is to have an inclusive place to just be together, have fun, eat good food, and do life. I feel such peace with this because – instead of complaining about a lack – we’re going to create something of substance.

But back to the book! It gives both forgiveness and a kick in the pants. Permission to relax as well as the desire to love others. It’s not a how to, but it births some dormant compassion inside of you that has been crushed by what you think you “should” do. If you’re sick of feeling you don’t measure up and can’t do it all then read.this.book.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

13-18, 6-12

Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

Start Now

So in short…

I highly recommend both Hands Free Life and For the Love and I recommend you read them either together or one after the other. The concepts they discuss aren’t the same, per se, but they build on and confirm one another. It’ll be like your own emotional spa treatment.

Related Reads:

How To Help Little Ones Feel Comfortable in New Situations

Do you have a toddler or preschooler – who you KNOW is not shy – that seems to not feel comfortable in new situations? Here’s how to help.

I am telling you…

Half the time parents don’t take their kids places because they think – or know – their kids will throw down.

They think it won’t be worth it, it won’t be fun, and it’s easier to just stay at home. Or… perhaps they’re dying to get out because they don’t want to be a stay at home mom who never leaves the house.

But, their kids just don’t seem to handle new places, new people or new settings.

This is more common than you’d imagine.

Truths about motherhood

Pre-motherhood we probably thought all kids were like the ones from movies and TV who were funny, cute, well behaved except for some mischievous behavior. But, even that seems cute on TV.

Instead we give birth to children who want to hide between our legs, stand beside us at parties, and who seem to skirt the edge of the fun. Never entering in.

I’ve been there.

My firstborn daughter spent her first 3 years acting shy, even though I knew she wasn’t. She acted standoffish.

I actually really agonized over this (Type A women agonize) for a while until I started to do things a bit differently with her to help her feel comfortable in new situations.

She grew up just fine. Now I’m using those tactics on my son who actually is more reserved than her in the first place.

I’m no expert, but here’s what I’m doing to help my kids feel and act more comfortable in new situations. Particularly new social situations.

1. Explain what’ll happen

I’ve gotten to the point now that anytime we are going somewhere, particularly if it’s new, I explain what will happen. Another way to do this is to ask them what they think will happen.

This works for things like the dentist, getting their hair cut, going to kid’s church, riding in the car for a long period, and the list goes on.

For my preschoolers, I’ll explain in depth what will happen and ask them to repeat it back in their own words. This helps them own it and, later, if they start to complain or get nervous I’ll ask them to repeat what I said and they do. It helps them be comfortable in new situations.
For my toddler I use as few words as possible and explain in brief terms. “A nice lady will use scissors to cut your hair. No crying or fussing and when we’re all done we’ll eat lunch. Can you say, “yes, mommy?” We can expect kids to just go with the flow since they have to, but it’s much nicer for them to be prepared.

2. Practice various scenarios

For a while my son froze up when someone talked to him… it seemed like he was being rude, but I knew he just had no clue what to say in that moment.

You can practice this, I did.

During random pockets of the day that were turning unruly (the same times I use to “interview” the kids) we’d practice saying hello, goodbye, or asking a simple question. After a few times he got it, was proud of himself, and hasn’t had trouble since.

Things to practice to get more comfortable in new situations:

You might want to practice dropping them off at the door (practice at your own door),
standing up and reciting a verse or sentence,
singing loudly, or whatever else they’ll need to do.
You can practice appropriate greetings for their friends, the friends’ parents, or the elderly.

Practice it until they are not nervous at all with you. This will help immensely.

Connection & Culture

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Manners in a Disconnected World

Equipping parents with a simple, consistent approach to teaching and reinforcing good manners so that their child naturally incorporates polite behavior into daily life.

Start Now

3. Handle weirdness well

Kids aren’t born knowing how to handle things. They need to learn…

We shouldn’t have unrealistic expectations (for them or ourselves), but rather take things in stride. Kids hiding between your legs, freezing at piano recitals, throwing a tantrum when you have to drop them off at preschool or daycare.

These things happen. A child will look to her mother’s reaction during this time as well, to see if mom is pleased or not.

This is when you can use the phrase “we’re working on it.”

Don’t be embarrassed or act panicky which will only make your child feel worse.

Instead, calmly and with love say it’ll be okay and remind them what will happen. You might need to give them a minute to gather themselves – don’t we all need that from time to time – but be calm and help them persevere.

4. Go over what happened

This is similar to preparing beforehand, but it’s simply after. Kind of like a “do over.”

Whether a situation was smooth or bumpy, asking them to remember will help them internalize the experience and learn from their mistakes or help them feel good about how they handled it.

Again, be calm and loving, but you can say, “When I tried to drop you off at daycare you really got upset! You didn’t want to go, huh? What happened?”

This debrief time may be very revealing to you about their thoughts.

I am always amazed at the things my kids come out with that I never would have thought.

I’ll brag on the kids too if they handle things well. “I was so proud of you guys for sitting happily and waiting for mommy to finish her appointment. Man, it’s fun to bring you with me when I can count on you to behave!” These types of cheesy sentences are not cheesy to your kids.

Boundaries & Behavior

Loving Authority

Being in charge doesn’t mean being harsh or heavy-handed—it means being steady, clear, and confident. This workshop will help you understand what healthy authority really looks like. When you know how to show up as a secure, grounded leader, your kids feel safe, and everyone starts listening.

Start Now

In short

If there’s something “big” the kids need to do out of their comfort zone, prepare them beforehand and recap it afterwards.

What is the ideal spacing between children?

Are you trying to figure out family planning and child spacing? Here are some thoughts.

what is the ideal spacing between chidren

When I was pregnant with my first and said I wanted lots of children – and wanted them close together – my grandmother said something poignant. I’ve used it to defend myself (thanks, mima) to many people who think I’m crazy for having my children close together. It was this.

“Well,” she said, “It’s better to run through fire than to walk through it.”

My husband would probably argue that running or walking through fire will not make the amount of fire that comes into contact with your body any less, just simply that you are moving through it faster. (update: my husband just told me the that running through rain doesn’t make you less wet, but fire burns by heat transfer through contact so running faster will mean less burns! Right on, mima!).

But for me, that was part of our decision to have 4 kids in 4 years.

[Read more…]

Determine Your Beauty Type

If you feel you’re in a clothing or wardrobe slump, this is for you. Even if – ESPECIALLY IF – you are building a capsule wardrobe, this is key.

Not long ago I was on Instagram and saw a photo the Money Saving Mom posted. It was a link to some clothes then a description of how the course Dressing Your Truth® had ruined her for shopping. A big conversation started in the comments with others saying they loved it, how it had helped them feel good in their clothes and cut down their time being disappointed in the dressing room.

I checked it out, read the free ebook, signed up for the free videos, then knew I had to do the course. I wrote them and asked if I could give one away to you guys, too!!

It’s hard at first to say what the course is. It’s not just a color wheel, that tells you to dress in one season’s colors. It doesn’t give you a style you need to dress like, say, boho, but it is more a style guide based on your personality. And you know I love a good personality test!

My favorite parts about the Dressing Your Truth course:

It confirmed what I’ve always felt, but thought was just my laziness: if the beauty routine or my hair requires too much maintenance it will simply not happen.
I’ve always envied others who felt confident wearing necklaces, but on myself just felt they were too much. My beauty type looks great in chunky necklaces so I gave it a go – just needed the push – and I LOVE it.
It helped me not feel too guilty for even further slimming down my closet to the clothes I really like and that look good on me.
I feel more confident in accessorizing whereas before I always felt I had “too little” but didn’t know what to do.
Instead of staring at rack after rack and all the options, I’m more quickly able to skim through, choose things that look good with my beauty type, and go from there.
I felt more inspired and encouraged to look a bit nicer on most days. Not out of “should” or “guilt” but because it feels good and helps me to take my days more seriously.

I believe the four personalities from the course are based loosely on the four temperaments (phlegmatic, sanguine, choleric, and melancholic) but are called Beauty Types. The course leads you through questions about your personality and then you choose the type of beauty you believe you are.

This was easy for me because I’m Personality Test Queen, but I really enjoyed this process. I will say, some of their reasoning behind the types is a tad bizarre, but overall I think this course has really shaped the way I think about clothes.

What I really loved about this is that it’s not weight focused. It’s not about dressing in clothes that flatter your shape or size. It’s about dressing in clothes that reveal your personality. That make you feel like “you.” I have long known what style of clothes I like to wear, but not known what actually looks good on me.

I was initially worried that this course would say that my type of beauty (I’m Type 3^SM, by the way) needed to dress in super trendy styles. I don’t like trendy stuff, I like timeless preppy stuff.

But that’s the beauty of this. It isn’t about your size or your fashion type (trendy, classic, ultra girly, etc.). It also doesn’t say that you need to wear a few colors. It’s more of a guideline you can use within any type of clothes to find those that’ll bring out your personality.

Since having done this I think about getting dressed in a new way. I’m more of a minimalist when it comes to clothing and if it’s too much effort I don’t want to stick with it. I’ve also got 4 kids at home all day, plus I’m nursing, so too much fuss isn’t going to happen. That said, it also makes me want to take that little bit of extra care when getting dressed so I don’t feel abandoned to spit up stains. Or embarrassed when people come over and see that I haven’t done the slightest thing to take care of myself.

What type of “beauty” are you?

Giving Kids a Love for Music

Do you love music and want your kids to have the same appreciation? Here are some ways you can bring music into your everyday life with the kiddos. I’ve partnered with Bobs & LoLo to help promote their new CD Dirty Feet and since we have a love for music in our home, it wasn’t tough.

How to instil in your children a love for music that will, hopefully, last them a lifetime. Music is such an important part of life and here's how to expose your kids naturally.

“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent.” Victor Hugo

My mama made me take piano lessons. Every year or so I wanted to quit, but I’m so thankful I didn’t. I play the guitar as well and have sang in praise teams and choirs since youth. Am I amazing? No. Do I love it? Yes! My husband… the same. Both of us love music – though I’ll admit different types – and we both hope our kids will love it too.

Now this isn’t rocket science and I’m not talking about going all Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom on the kids, but just the small things that will help develop the kids’ natural interests and allow them to feel comfortable with music, singing, playing, and just creating sound.

1. Play music during restless times.

Music is a great way to diffuse a contentious moment and give the kids something to “focus” on. This is often a go to when we’ve had independent play, outside time, and have a long space of time with no planned activities to fill it. This is the best time to play music, actually, because it gives you something to do that involves the kids’ senses that isn’t screen time. Bobs & LoLo’s new album Dirty Feet is just the type of music that gets the kids involved. It’s catchy and begs you to sing and dance, if you know what I mean.

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2. Sing randomly.

I have an okay voice, not amazing by any means, but I’m happy to sing all the time to and with the kids. I’ll sing sentences and sing to be silly. If you think your voice is like nails on a chalkboard, then you can always just have a sing songy type voice on occasion. I think the key for me is that the kids feel natural and not awkward breaking out in song. Ha :). My mom taught the kids God Bless America around the 4th of July this year, and they will randomly break out in song. Kids love an audience and I love being their audience.

3. Got an instrument?

My husband has a guitar and will often (by often I mean at least a few times a week) just sit and play the guitar. My daughter will go to him and start singing. Half the things she says make sense, the other half don’t, but she truly does have rhythm. She can change key, create a bridge, and sing a full few minutes on key. I just love watching her get creative.

4. Work it into normal activities.

One way that we play silly (which is good for my Type A personality) is to have marches. When we’re playing outside, walking around, or doing yard work I’ll often break out in song. Whether it’s a song kids know from a CD, church, or one we randomly make up, we will sing and shout and laugh. I will say I don’t do this on purpose, per se, but that it’s instinctual I guess. I really want the kids to feel comfortable around and with music.

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5. Play it in the car.

I’ll admit I often play books on tape in the car, but as the kids get older and are able to understand words on the radio I find myself not wanting to let them hear the radio as much for long periods. It takes us 10 minutes to get to “town” so playing a CD is a great way to expose children to music, give them something to focus on, and help pass the time more calmly in the car.

My kids have watched the below video quite a few times and, since they get dirty feet pretty much every single day of their lives, found the whole video super fun. You an download DirtyFeet online here and purchase the physical CD here. Bobs & LoLo are touring North America, so if you love to take your kids to mini conerts and fun events that are age appropriate, check out their tour dates here.

Thanks to Bobs & LoLo for sponsoring this post and helping to get the word out about DirtyFeet.

Why Reading is Good for Moms (and a British Book List)

In your previous (non-mom) life, did you love reading? Well even though life is busy now, I believe time for reading can still be found, and think it’s a far better way to spend our time than some other things.

“Reading gives us someplace to go when we have to stay where we are.” M. Cooley

I have been a reader since childhood. From Sweet Valley High and the Babysitter’s Club to R.L. Stein. I read in the car, at home, and outside. I continued reading throughout my youth and into my 20’s… and then I had kids.

Then the books on my nightstand were parenting books. And then I grew sick of self-help.

It wasn’t until recently that I knew I needed to get back into reading because, see, my husband and I made a no technology rule after 8:00-ish p.m. If you’re used to having screen time in the evenings, it’s actually quite difficult to figure out how to fill your time at first.

Now we’ll usually do projects, talk, go for a swim, and read. I’ve gotten back in the habit and I feel so much more refreshed and balanced than before.

Read: 60+ Hobbies for SAHMs

Here’s why I think reading is good for moms.

1. It’s relaxing.

Lying on the couch, in your bed, or a favorite chair with a book is a cozy thing to do. Your body relaxes, your mind focuses on the story, and you lose yourself in the book.

Whereas a self-help book keeps you comparing and contrasting your own life with the story (not a bad thing in and of itself), you can lose yourself in a novel and sometimes that’s exactly what’s needed. Particularly if you are a tired mom or in a day to day stressful situation.

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2. You can do it anywhere.

What I love about reading is that it is mobile. While I like sewing and DIY projects, you can’t do them in the waiting room at the doctor’s office. You can read a book in a waiting room, during the school pick up line, and obviously at home.

While at home I actually prefer to eat in bed for some reason. I think it helps me wind down. If I had a nice special chair and blanket I might change my mind, but for now I’m a bed reader.

3. It takes us out of our bubble.

When we’re in the thick of parenting (surviving the newborn phase or going through a difficult time with our toddlers) we often stay inside our own world. It becomes all about the kids. Teething, diaper rash, reading books, and making sure everyone is alive.

Sometimes reading books helps remind me that this phase is difficult, but it’s amazing. You can even join books clubs, virtual or in person, and use it as a weekly reprieve from the duties and tasks set out in your stay at home mom resume.

4. It’s a relatively inexpensive hobby.

I’ve talked about hobbies that are conducive to the stay at home mom lifestyle and hobbies for non-crafty moms. It’s a fairly robust list, and yet many of those hobbies can be pricey. Or at least they are pricey to get into initially.

Reading, on the other hand, need not be. Aside from the fact that you can read a good book over and over again, you can buy used books at low prices with free shipping.

(I’d never heard of Thrift Books until recently, but they have over 7 million used books and if you spend a certain amount the shipping is free.)

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5. It keeps you off of social media.

Now, of course social media isn’t the devil or anything. As a blogger I use social media often, but probably because of that… I feel very imbalanced if I spend too much time on Facebook, Instagram or Pinterest.

I start feeling like I should do this or that. Or I realize I’m not trendy, but forget I don’t actually want to be trendy. I pin two thousand projects that the mentally transfer to my “to do” list since I’m a Type A mom and anything I see becomes something that is a possibility.

Reading takes you away from screens, away from comparison, and away from any feelings of “should” or “need to.” You actually stop thinking about yourself, period.

So here are those on my list. Some of these I have read and love and others are on my TBR list (which I recently found out is the “to be read” list).

Oh, and before we get started, I came across this free printable book journal where you can record the books you want to read, write the ones you have, write those you’ve abandoned (good way to find closure with a book you didn’t want to read, but don’t like to not finish something), and with a big list of book recommendations.

Read: All-Time Best Christian Parenting Books (According to Mom Reviews)

A British Book List

Agatha Christie Books

I love Agatha Christie. When I was pregnant with my first, I lived in Scotland in a cottage that had hundreds of books, and I read as many AC novels as I could find. My favorites are below.

1. And Then There Were None
2. Murder on the Orient Express
3. The Body in the Library
4. 4:50 from Paddington
5. At Bertram’s Hotel
6. Death on the Nile

Arthur Conan Doyle Books

I went through a phase in my early 20’s where I was mystery addicted and I find the old mysteries by AC and Arthur Conan Doyle to be more plot based and less gruesome with nothing very explicit.

1. The Hound of the Baskervilles
2. Tales for a Winter’s Night
3. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: The Complete

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Jane Austen Books

I have read every Jane Austen book, I do believe, and quite a few of them multiple times. They’re funny, easy, and actually very rich with profound character references.

1. Pride and Prejudice
2. Persuasion
3. Emma
4. Sense and Sensibility
5. Mansfield Park
6. Northanger Abbey

Related Reads:

Baby gifts for friends who have everything

I am more of a minimalist mom. Less is more. However, most of my friends are not! One of my very best friends recently had her first baby and – she probably already has more baby stuff than I do – but I still wanted to get her stuff. This post is brought to you by the Publix Baby Club. All opinions are my own.

Baby gifts for the mom who already has everything

When I had my first baby, the things I was most worried about were cute clothes. Every day, from infancy, she had on a cute onesie or outfit with a little headband or barrette. It was fun and I loved it! With each child we’ve welcomed into the family, the things that I wanted in preparation changed. By my third son (fourth child) I didn’t really want anything but diapers and a nice swaddle. And the little useful things I use every day.

I took my 1 year old with me to Publix last weekend because I knew he needed some time with me individually. Lately, his schedule has been out of whack and so has his little attitude. He’s my first child that tries to act cheeky and mischievous for a laugh and I think we’ve finally figured out how to suppress our laughter, ignore his cuteness factor, and work on his heart. But that’s another story…

If they already have everything, then don’t try to reinvent the wheel. Try to be useful. I try to err on the side of less stuff, more consumables. That way they don’t have to store it, they can use it!

So here’s what I got my friend and some ideas for what you can get your friends who seem to already have it all.

1. A good thermometer.

thermometer baby gifts to buy for the mom who already has everything

I really wish someone had given me a nice thermometer as a baby gift. Maybe because I’m frugal in nature, but spending more than $10 on a thermometer seemed like a waste. Until I realized how hard it was to get a good temperature with the cheap ones. I got my friend a nice thermometer and when I told her she thought that sounded great. I hope she won’t have to use it with her little man often, but having a good thermometer in the middle of the night is a lifesaver.

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2. Pacifier (if they use them).

Granted you won’t know if your friend is going to use pacifiers until they have the baby, and see if the baby will take it (pros and cons of pacifiers here). But if you know they plan on using them, find out what type and stock up. I bought her two little blue pacifiers to keep in her stash since her son takes one. I personally think that, if you use pacifiers, you can never have too many. Some for the room, your purse, the baby bag, in the car, etc. It’s usually when you want it most that you’ve forgotten it.

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Great gifts for the mom who already has everything

3. Soothing products.

Another thing I’ve recently discovered since my youngest has eczema, is soothing products. Aveeno has soothing bath packs, gel, and lotion. There are other brands as well, and even soothing night wipes that you can buy scented, unscented, or with lavender for its calming properties. These are great gifts that a mom can keep in the bathroom and put in during a bath or immediately after. Also, they’re handy to around in case your baby gets a type of itchy rash since you can’t predict those.

Soothing items as gifts for babies when the mother already has everything else she needs!

4. Travel packs for diaper bag.

One way to guarantee you diaper bag system is not working too well is if you have to pack it with things you use at home every time. Then when you need them at home you’re running to the diaper bag. It needs to be packed and not unpacked, in my opinion, full of some of the stuff you might need like diaper cream, lotion, baby oil, etc. Buying small travel packs are perfect for diaper bags or even to be kept in the trunk of the car for emergencies. Again, with babies so much of what needs to be done is preparation.

soothing products for babies for the mom who already has everything

5. Simple cutesy extras.

If I’m giving cutesy extras, I try to keep them minimally priced because you never know if they’ll be used or not. One thing I saw in Publix I’d never seen before was these little high chair place mats. They can be used at restaurants or at home, obviously. While using disposable place mats every meal would not be considered green, it is a lot easier than cleaning up messes in public with wipes. I think they’d be handy to keep in the diaper bag and use at restaurants if not for playing on them with toy cars. Ha!

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If you have a Publix near you like I do, you can join Publix Baby Club for free and receive coupons, helpful tips, a newsletter, and other goodies right to you. I think this is convenient in that purchasing baby products is a large part of a mother’s expenditure and being able to buy food and baby stuff in one place saves a lot of time. You’ll particularly want to check this out if you coupon!

How to Organize your Diaper Bag

My diaper bag used to be a hot mess. I’d find smashed fruit snacks, dirty spoons, and stained onesies Sunday morning 5 minutes after we should have already left for church. When I got pregnant with my third, I wrote a post on what was in my diaper bag and it continues to be one that gets traffic monthly.

I want to show you the diaper bag organizers I use and then give one away! I contacted sugarSNAP myself because I’ve used their diaper files for two years now and love them. I actually use them in my diaper bag and my purse because, you know, sometimes your purse becomes your diaper bag. 🙂

The files all hook on a ring (not shown here, but you can see it if you go to the store), are sturdy, come in various sizes, and have cute little labels.

I put travel size oil, powder, diaper dream, and lotion in the “Lotions and Potions” file, my wallet, phone, and change purse in the “Me and Mine” file and, obviously, diapers and wipes in the “Dipes and Wipes.” I put spare clothes, shoes, and undies in another one and then keep one in the diaper bag and another in my purse.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Family Tidy Routines

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Things to keep in your diaper bag.

diapers
wipes
spare clothing
diaper cream
pacifier (if you us one, here are the pros and cons of using a pacifier)
hand sanitizer
diaper bags (or a wet bag if you cloth diaper)
snack
sippy cups
sunscreen
emergency information

To enter for a chance to win your own diaper files just leave a blog comment telling me what the weirdest thing in your diaper bag is, and then fill out the Rafflecopter widget below.

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Leave a comment if you are Strong + Deliberate and tell me what your best strength is!

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

You are a spirit raiser!

Leave a comment if you are Fun + Energetic and tell me what your best strength is!

Leave me a comment if you know you are a choleric Strong + Confident mom!

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

1. Keep a trash container

2. Deal with the smell

3. Let them get in and out.

4. Set up emergency kit.

5. Have a signal.

6. Put your devices out of reach.

7. Teach the kids to observe.

Giveaway

Hands Free Life by Rachel Macy Stafford

For the Love by Jen Hatmaker

So in short…

Truths about motherhood

50+ Connection Questions

1. Explain what’ll happen

2. Practice various scenarios

Things to practice to get more comfortable in new situations:

3. Handle weirdness well

4. Go over what happened

In short

Self-Care Routine Tracker

My favorite parts about the Dressing Your Truth course:

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

What type of “beauty” are you?

1. Play music during restless times.

2. Sing randomly.

3. Got an instrument?

4. Work it into normal activities.

5. Play it in the car.

Here’s why I think reading is good for moms.

1. It’s relaxing.

2. You can do it anywhere.

3. It takes us out of our bubble.

4. It’s a relatively inexpensive hobby.

5. It keeps you off of social media.

A British Book List

Agatha Christie Books

1. And Then There Were None2. Murder on the Orient Express3. The Body in the Library4. 4:50 from Paddington5. At Bertram’s Hotel6. Death on the NileArthur Conan Doyle Books

Jane Austen Books

1. A good thermometer.

2. Pacifier (if they use them).

3. Soothing products.

4. Travel packs for diaper bag.

5. Simple cutesy extras.

Things to keep in your diaper bag.

1. And Then There Were None
2. Murder on the Orient Express
3. The Body in the Library
4. 4:50 from Paddington
5. At Bertram’s Hotel
6. Death on the Nile

Arthur Conan Doyle Books