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Discipline with Dignity

Discipline shouldn’t feel like a battle or a shot in the dark. This workshop gives you a clear, balanced plan for setting boundaries that build respect and responsibility—without yelling, harsh punishments, or constant power struggles.

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2. Use physical boundaries

There are many ways to corral, but I tend to stick to the basics. If I need to do something that is going to take the better part of 20 to 30 minutes, I’ll usually do this when the kids are in independent play so they are already in their rooms.

That is their boundary.

If I need to do something else for a few minutes like answer the door and talk to someone outside or make an important phone call, I’ll corral in a different way.

Here are some boundaries you can use to corral.

room
crib
playpen (here’s 8 ways to use a play pen)
stroller
high chair
infant seat
booster seat
couch
chair
a play divider like this
play room

Or really, any given physical area they can remain in or on.

So, if we are taking a walk and the kids are on foot by the stroller, but I need to weave in and out, I’ll make them get in the stroller.

If I need to change one child’s diaper quickly before leaving the house, I can ask the other kids to each sit in a chair by the door and wait.

This means as soon as the diaper is changed they’re sitting ready to go. If I need to cook and my 1 year is old is getting antsy, I’ll put him in his high chair with some water, toy, or simple activity.

Read: 8 Ways To Use Your Pack And Play

3. Teach them to stay in one place

As the pre-toddlers become toddlers who become preschoolers who grow up, you no longer need to physically restrain them when you need a few minutes.

And I’m talking for their own safety, not just for convenience.

But it’s still important that my children are able to sit still for a bit if I need them to. Some evenings when I’m getting my 1 year old ready for bed, my 3 and 4 year olds get full of energy.

They want to run around pulling up their shirts playing “belly bumps” and getting more hyped up than is good at bedtime.

I’ll ask them to sit down in a chair with some books and have relax time.

They’ll sit back and browse some of their books and chat, but they remain in the chairs. This is corralling. It’s keeping them in one place so I can do something else without them undoing what just happened.

Read: 5 Instant Ways To Get Hyper Kids To Settle Down

4. Use the door (and the lock if necessary)

Wait for it… sometimes when I’ve given all 3 older kids a bath together, they like to streak naked all around the house and get hyped up.

One thing I like to do is to lock us all in the bathroom. Me included. I might say that until every child is out, dried off, dressed, and teeth brushed, we aren’t leaving the bathroom.

I’m corralling us all together.

Some may think this is overkill, but I assure you that having a 4 year old, 3 year old, and 1 year old means you really do need to create some order and boundaries.

Or you are just running around like a chicken with your head cut off all day long every day.

Read: How To Enforce The Family Rules

5. Don’t parent “outside the funnel”

Parenting outside the funnel is essentially giving children privileges or freedoms that are not age appropriate.

Or conversely, not allowing privileges or freedoms that are age appropriate.

I’ve noticed recently that my 1 year old has been given far more freedoms than I gave the older two children. Why? I just thought it was convenient.

What isn’t convenient is how he’d gotten a bit too big for his britches, and wouldn’t sit still or come when I called.

I’ve started corralling him more often to teach self-control and am seeing great strides in his ability to just be a tad more calm.

Look, I’m not trying to raise a zombie, y’all, but if a kid can’t sit still for 5 minutes so I can do something important we’ve got a problem.

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6. Make sure they’re getting wild and free time

One way that I feel comfortable having periods during the day where I require my kids to sit still and be calm, is because I know they are getting wild and free play where they can exercise and let off steam.

They have outside time in their actual corral (my grandmother refers to their big fenced in play area outside as a holding pen, ha), random free yard time, and periods during the day where the whole house is free for them to mill around in.

Because I know they are not caged animals, I don’t feel bad when I need to corral.

The hardest thing about living far from family

I started this blog when I was living on another continent with my husband and children across the world from the rest of my family. Hence, A Mother Far from Home. I learned many lessons and went through many trials and challenges being far from my extended family, but I can say without a doubt what the hardest part was. I’ve now moved back to where my family is, but I remember my feelings vividly.

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of XFINITY. The opinions and text are all mine. Restrictions apply. Limited to X1 customers receiving and sending content with a DVR-compatible set-top box and XFINITY Voice service.

the worst part about living far from family

For me, the hardest part about being far from family was missing out on special-ness of day to day life. Both them missing my children’s day to day lives and us missing theirs. I’m an only child so I tend to use superlatives in speech and exaggerate, I’ll admit. But I’m not exaggerating when I say while we were away, for nearly every child’s birthday, major holiday or fun event, I commemorated it with crying.

I knew that living there was for a season, but I hated that my family and in-laws missed birthday parties. And Thanksgiving. And Christmas. And Mother’s Day. And random Tuesdays. It killed. I know my kids were still young and they were fine. They’re happy and loved and one does not need to live near their family to have a great upbringing. But for me, the knowledge my kids were missing out on so many moments was difficult.

The bad news is: that’s life. The good news is technology has come so far that you can actually still stay in touch with family and friends across the globe. You can share life with them on the normal days and special days even though you are’t face to face.

Rooted in Family

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Here are some ways to stay in touch with family and friends far away.

Document. Document. Document. Take videos, photos, and live stream things you don’t want family members to miss. While it may not be the same as in person, it’s truly the next best thing.
Consider time zones. We’ve always lived in different time zones from both our families, but now my husband’s parents are back in Australia and it’s important we find times to communicate that work for everyone.
Little things. While birthdays or holidays are felt the most, perhaps, it’s the small every day things that families miss. My mother missed reading stories, building mud pies, and singing songs. These day to day moments are what make you feel most connected.
Use snail mail too. One thing I like to do is be sure the kids wear/use/eat/otherwise consume gifts given by family members and try to document that for them. Whether it’s sending a video of present opening, picture of them wearing an outfit or playing with a toy, it helps the gift giver feel connected to your child.
Make normal things special. For me, things that were supposed to feel “special” often didn’t because we missed our family so much. Instead of putting pressure to have a perfect day, we tried to make random things special and try to commemorate those. By sending photos or videos to family on normal days or weekends out, we were able to appreciate where we were and what we were doing, even if we dearly missed those far away.

We’re such an expat family that when my sister-in-law got married in Colorado, she videoed it so she could live stream to her family and friends who were not in the States. People were up at random times of their day and night to watch the wedding. It was probably the most romantic wedding I’ve attended to date. Her plane landed two hours before she walked down the aisle!

Parenting in Hard Times

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A new feature XFINITY is going to launch soon is to live stream your special moments from your mobile device to someone else’s TV. Their new feature called Share is available on a downloadable app and would be something that parents and grandparents would probably use regularly.

What moment would you love to catch for a person close to you to see on their TV? Comment below for a chance to win $1,000!

5 problems resolved by getting your children’s eyes checked

This is part 1 of a 2 part series on eye care and small children. This is close to my heart because I started wearing glasses when I was 6 years old. Contacts from middle school onward, and I still wear both contacts and glasses. When I was contacted by the Think About Your Eyes campaign, I was very interested.

When your children are small, they aren’t able to tell you there is a problem. And really, it’s always been there, they probably think it’s normal anyway. Parents take their little ones for well checks and to the dentist even though there are no teeth issues, but for some reason they don’t seem to take their kids to the eye doctor unless there’s an obvious issue like lazy eye.

Eyesight is one of those things that you don’t appreciate until you start losing it. My husband has good eyesight and I have poor eyesight (along with the rest of my family) so I want to be sure and do what I can to promote good care around here and not wait until they are actually making their vision worse by straining so much.

The Think About Your Eyes campaign makes a very interesting point that I had never thought of: most parents actually prioritize replaceable baby teeth before irreplaceable vision. Wow. And according to their studies, 84% of parents wait on their children to tell them it’s time to go to the eye doctor. But if your children have only ever had poor eyesight what do they have to compare it with?

Here are some effects of poor eyesight on your little ones that you may not have linked up yet.

1. No interest in detailed activities.

If children can’t see well, it stands to reason they don’t want to do detailed activities. Not because they don’t have the required motor skills (although they may lack these too as a result), but because they just can’t see it. Not wanting to color, do puzzles, or do detailed crafts can be a sign of poor eyesight. Alone it may only signal a child who isn’t interested in sitting still for long, but coupled with other symptoms may be a sign to make an appointment.

2. Headaches.

Straining to see day in and day out will inevitably cause headaches. Headaches cause crankiness, difficulty in focusing, and trouble sleeping. It’s a bad cycle that can often go uninterrupted because the child doesn’t know the root of the headaches, nor does the parent. I often wonder if my kids have headaches when they are acting mysteriously fussy, but can attest firsthand to how difficult it is wearing outdated prescriptions or trying to go without my contacts or glasses. I can’t see a thing and it hurts to try.

3. Clumsiness.

Is your toddler or preschooler clumsy? Blurred vision or inability to see details well can obviously result in some trips, scrapes, and accidents. Are they bumping into corners and walls or stepping in things on accident?

4. Difficulty being outside or in bright rooms.

There are obviously some sensory issues attached to difficulty handling a lot of light. That’s a separate issue altogether, but if your child squints all the time and is unable to open their eyes or focus well in bright rooms or on sunny days, it could be a sign they need their eyes checked.

5. Lack of coordination.

If your child seems fairly coordinated but is unable to aim, hit baseballs, or throw to a target it could be a clue to look closer. Of course little ones won’t be all-stars since they haven’t had the time to develop those skills, but if they seem unable to do things that require hand eye and hand foot coordination then that, coupled with the other symptoms, might be a clue to look further.

Even if your child is not displaying signs of vision problems, it’s a good idea to take them to the doctor just to be sure all is well and to practice prevention and early intervention. However, if your toddler or preschooler exhibits many of these symptoms you most definitely need to get it checked out.

holds books very close to head
squints and blinks often
covers or closes one eye to focus
difficulty visually tracking
headaches
cross-eyed
eyes see to flutter and blink more than normal
eyes look cloudy
bulging eyes
rubbing eyes frequently
tils head often

Since summer is here…

Since summer is here it’s a good idea to get your kids sunglasses. They’ll think they are cool and their eyes will be protected. When shopping for sunglasses be sure to look for the UVA/UVB sticker. Also, for kids you can get shades that have adjustable straps which are helpful if they are out on the boat or beach and are moving around fairly quickly. I’ll be back within a few weeks with tips on how to prepare your kids for an eye exam. I mean, you know, since smaller kids may not know the alphabet up and down. 🙂

To find an eye doctor near you and for more interesting information (like how 1 in 4 children actually have undiagnosed vision related conditions) visit Think About Your Eyes and follow them on Facebook and Twitter.

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Do your kids ask you for medicine, even when they’re not sick?

After a few very sick months, my kids got into the habit of asking for medicine all the time. When they were well, didn’t have scrapes, and just wanted a bit of attention. Here’s how I handle it.

Why do my kids ask for medicine even when they are not sick

We had a few months last winter where everyone was sick. It started with one, each one got it, and it lingered longer with some more than others. During this time we were giving them either antibiotics, essential oils, Tylenol, or some teething remedy. Not every day, of course, but often enough that the bigger kids noticed.

And they started to associate medicine with being sick. And being sick with getting more attention. Then they started asking for medicine a lot. Particularly my oldest. Before naps or bed she insisted upon having some medicine and started acting “sick.”

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1. Pay attention to their emotions.

Now, I’ll say here that of course I could just say, “No, you’re not sick, go to bed,” but I was trying to meet the deeper need on this one. They don’t actually want medicine, they want something else. If you’ve had one or two kids who are sick for longer periods of time they’ve taken up quite a bit of your attention. Perhaps you haven’t been able to spend time with your children individually as you normally do. Often, feigning sick and asking for medicine is their way of trying to get their attention. Try finding simple ways to love your child in the day to day.

2. Soothe your kids in other ways.

When one child was teething, he got quite a bit of attention from us. He always cuts 4 teeth at once. Yes, 4 teeth at once! I was always rubbing something on his jaw, teeth, and trying with the teething thingamajigs. So then the other kids started asking for medicine. So when they did I’d soothe them in other ways. I’d rub Lavender oil on their tummies, put water in syringes to let them drink, and even give them tummy massages.

But instead of focusing on the medicine placebo itself, I made a point to really use those minutes as quality time together. Play doctor and patient. Hug, cuddle, and kiss. I’d give the kids the positive attention they were seeking. I think this is similar to your 3 year old saying “I’m a baby, I’m a baby.” They are trying to get their own share of attention from you.

Things large families need in their kitchen

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3. Create a comfort kit.

I don’t have a separate basket or kit for this, but I have this hanging on the back of the kids’ bathroom door.

It’s got places for essential oils (sorted by their use), eczema cream, diaper cream, sunscreen, saline drops, an ear ache concoction I’ve made, and other random things that make their way there. When my kids say they aren’t feeling well and need some TLC, we go here and find something to soothe them. They really enjoy picking something out to soothe their woes, even when nothing is really wrong. But they especially like finding something when they do have boo boos.

So there we have it. This might not be an issue you’ve come up against, but we don’t fare winter too well around these parts. What do you do when your kids ask for medicine?

What happens in a bathroom with toddlers

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of Quilted Northern. All opinions are 100% mine. Don’t you know that when you have small children a good part of your day is spent in the bathroom? Here’s the shenanigans my bathroom has seen over the years with kids.

Normal people spend a certain amount of time in bathrooms. It’s life. But moms of little ones spend, in my humble opinion, an inordinate amount of time in bathrooms. Public restrooms included. I’d even say that aside from the kitchen it is the most frequented place in the house.

And I’m not sure why really. Or maybe it’s just the layout of my house, but it’s central to our daily activities. It’s not as though I set up kids’ activities in there to play. Although I guess that might not be a bad idea since sometimes I put all the kids in the bathroom and lock us in until I’m done doing what I’m doing. It’s a method I call corralling.

The things your penguin sees in a bathroom with toddlers…. #HelpMeForget #ad @QuiltedNorthern pic.twitter.com/VGsixsw98j

— Rachel Norman (@momfarfromhome) June 2, 2015

Above is our little friendly penguin who has seen all the shenanigans that happen in the bathroom for a good while now. If he had a camera… I’d stop blogging. Here are some things that happen in the bathroom when you have toddlers.

1. Time clocked on the potty.

When you’re potty training the time spent on the potty is just endless. And let’s be honest, even afterwards. My oldest is potty trained, but she kinda likes company in the bathroom. I don’t write much about potty training because I stink at it. No pun intended. But moms of little ones know that much of the day is spent squatting in front of the toilet trying to convince your child to stay on it.

2. Mommy locking herself inside.

Sometimes when everyone is occupied I’ll go to the bathroom and, if there’s another adult in the home to field any screaming, I’ll lock the door. Even if I don’t really have to go. Sometimes I’ll just sit there in silence. Or trim nails. Or read a book or check Facebook or emails. This usually lasts two minutes and then someone is knocking at the door. But in all seriousness, the bathroom is a good place to make a few minutes of alone time happen.

Read These While You’re At It

Cleaning the House with a Toddler is Like…

How To Rock Dinnertime With Small Children

5 Things I Wish I Knew When I First Became A Mom

3. Overflowing sinks.

I like for the kids to learn cause and effect. I don’t like those lessons to come because they’ve flooded the bathroom, however. We have stools and I’ve often let my oldest “practice” washing her hands. I actually think the bathroom is a great place for this because it’s built with waterproof floors and for drainage. I don’t allow my 20 month old to participate, but my oldest two like running water into cups, filling the sink, washing their toys, their hands, and anything else within reach. I do, however, need to make a strict rule about wet wash because they still seem to get thrown around.

4. The soap cycle.

I usually wash the kids with child friendly bath wash and shampoo. But sometimes I just clean them with gentle soap. Because it’s a rarity, I believe every single child who has control of their hands in my family has played with soap, wiped their eyes, screamed, continued to try to wipe their eyes, screamed more, etc. You know. The soap cycle. I will say this is something I’d think they’d learn the first time, but alas. Soap is, apparently, tempting. Side note, I use lye soap for my infant’s eczema which I do not keep anywhere within reach. Have you found a good soap to be used on kids with eczema?

5. The toilet paper unroll.

I sometimes want to just let each child unroll an entire roll of toilet paper. There is obviously something intrinsically satisfying about unrolling it. My bathrooms have seen quite a few instances of unrolled toilet paper, but they do get better as they get older. If the paper is low quality and tantamount to wiping with your hand, I don’t really mind. If it’s high quality toilet paper like Quilted Northern then I make them roll the entire thing back up. Which means it is, of course, about twice the size of their head after that. But I’m not wasting the good stuff.

6. Teeth brushing shenanigans.

I think brushing the kids’ teeth is fun. They get special toothpaste and toothbrushes and it seems interesting. Then they leave that phase and go into the “I don’t want to brush my teeth phase.” Not that it matter much, but it does make for more unpleasant bathroom time. My oldest two are now in the phase where they want to brush their own teeth and I usually let them, and then go behind to make sure they get the harder to reach areas. My dentist said to be sure and gently go all the way back to the back teeth on all sides purposefully because those tend to get plaque build up since kids just tend to brush the front.

7. Makeup application.

I remember finding my mother’s eye shadow when i was younger, and painting my entire face. Blue. “The first rule of makeup is that you can never wear enough blue eye shadow.” My kids like to watch me put on makeup. Probably because I only do it once a week for church on Sunday and only then because 4 kids in 4 years has given me blue bags under my eyes even though I sleep 10 hours a night. My daughter likes to use my thick makeup brushes on her cheeks, nose, and forehead. She probably tries to put on makeup more often than I do.

8. Slip and slide.

You know what I mean… the wet floor. The seemingly innocuous but dangerous wet floor. Not one, but all of my kids (minus baby who doesn’t walk) have slipped on wet floor and hit their heads. My daughter slipped so hard fell backwards and hit her head on the lip of the shower and got a huge knot. I’m relaying these events as I assume they happened since I was so traumatized I blocked it out.

9. Shared baths.

Why should kids use all the bubbles? Both my husband and myself have taken countless tub baths (and showers) with the kids. When I have a child not feeling well I like to take a bath with them to relax. Wear a bathing suit if you feel the need, but that one on one time in a calm atmosphere really does wonders. Also, we prefer the assembly line shower to bathing many nights. One adult will shower and we’ll bring the kids in one by one to bathe. When one’s finished, they put on their shower hoodies and then another comes in. This tends to cut down on the bath mania that can happen right before bed.

10. Throw everything in the toilet.

I kid you not, in one 24 hour period (maybe it was 48?) one son threw a cell phone, baby monitor, and computer mouse into the toilet. He was around 14 months at the time and I felt like a failure of a mother. We cracked down after that and he’s never done it again, but over the years I can’t tell you what has found its way in the toilet. Toothbrushes, rubber duckies, pens, pencils, deodorant, you name it. It’s fascinating, I suppose, toilet water…

Quilted Northern has some videos directed by an Academy Award nominee designed around their premise that toilet paper should be so awesome that your bathroom experience is forgettable. They made a #HelpMeForget video series that are seriously funny. You can watch the Designed to be Forgotten videos here. And you can also follow Quilted Northern on Facebook and YouTube!

Avoiding parenting extremes

As with most things, balance is key. It’s great to be a saver… unless you are a miser. It’s great to be generous… unless you give unwisely. It’s vital to help others… until you act like a martyr. It is important to have boundaries… unless you never step outside yourself. I could carry on with this, but I think you get where I’m going.

Type A “I’m sure there is a perfect way to do something and dadgummit I will find it” mothers can have a hard time with balance. Or maybe it’s just me. We can make a plan or structure, stick to it, and almost feel like a failure if we need to deviate or change course even a little bit.

I know that the lack of balance in my life has often caused me inner turmoil and I actively try to fix it. I frequently think of the verse that says “whoever fears God will avoid all extremes.” (Eccl. 7:18). I have found that I need to let myself off the hook to find balance. And when I realize I’m imbalanced, know what I typically do? A pendulum swing to the other extreme. Wow. Why is it so hard to learn vital lessons?

In parenting, in order to raise well-adjusted children who aren’t driven by their own anxieties, I think we need to run our house with balance in view. Here are some thoughts on balance in our home as it relates to parenting, discipline and life in general.

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2 (unpopular but effective) ways to stop whining

Do you have toddlers and preschoolers who won’t seem to stop whining? Here are two things I’ve done that have found great success.

It happened gradually. My sweet 2 year old son turned into a fall apart child at the drop of a hat. Blue fork instead of orange one? Lay head on the table and cry. Wanted 5 veggie sticks instead of 4? Fall down on the ground and whine.

Whine. Whine. Whine. Mommy gets migraine.

I tried empathizing with him.

“I know it’s hard to get one handful of veggie sticks when you want two.”

“I wouldn’t want to share my 536 tractors either, if it were me.”

“Oh, going to bed isn’t very fun, is it?“

Except I couldn’t put my heart into that one because I think going to bed is one of the best parts of a long hard day.

Now, I talk extensively on this blog about how we should let kids tell us how they really feel. How we should not make a habit of brushing things under the rug. How we can ask our kids to have good attitudes without stifling their emotions.

But whining is not talking about feelings. Whining is not something to be encouraged. Whining is, quite simply, not productive. And for me, whining is right up there with screaming. I can’t stand to hear it. Plus, he was even showing aggressive and angry behavior towards all of us.

So, things got so bad with my baby boy, whining, crying, and anger at the slightest thing, that my husband and I were at the end of our rope. I even took him to his pediatrician and asked him to please tell me there was some infection, boil, or other uncomfortable (but transient) malady that could account for his behavior. But no… healthy as a whinnying horse.

So I decided on a two-pronged attack and, after only a few days, things were completely different. The whining nearly stopped. Oh, it comes back when he’s tired or not feeling well, but he reverted back to the sweet boy he really is. Without further ado… here are the two things we did.

1. No screen time at all during the week.

I’m not against screen time or think TV is the devil, but its effects were simply too much to ignore. It didn’t seem to effect my daughter, but my son was not coping with even one hour of TV a day. I repeat, they only watched one hour a day. So that stopped. Now Monday to Friday they have no TV whatsoever except Friday night movie nights. They never play games on the cell phones or tablets as a general rule, so movie night and Saturday morning cartoons are it.

We were worried it would be difficult to nix the TV, but the positive effects outweighed any temporary babysitting benefits it previously afforded us. After only two days his behavior turned around. Less aggression. Less anger. Less melodramatic whining.

I’m not sure if it’s because the TV shows he was watching (all children’s shows) were putting ideas in his head or whether it was simply too overstimulating for him. I can’t speak to the exact reason, but it made a world of difference. Well, that coupled with the second thing I’ve done.

Read: Time In Vs. Time Out … and is Time Out Damaging Kids?

No-Drama Screen Wean

Cutting back on screens shouldn’t feel like a battle royale. This workshop gives you a simple, realistic plan to wean your kids off devices—without meltdowns, whining, or “I’m bored” on repeat. Because screen time limits should feel doable, not dreadful.

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2. We stopped letting him whine.

Sounds silly, but I just refused to let him. When he started to melt down, I said, “Stop whining now. Use words.” He’d start again and, louder than his whines, I’d say, “No whining. Say it or go lay down, calm down, and come back.” Sounds harsh, but I didn’t use a mean voice. I wasn’t angry. I, quite simply, did not allow the whining/crying/fussing.

And you know what? It worked! By saying no to the whining, he’d stop, take a few seconds to calm down and then say his request in his “normal voice.” And I’d honor his request. It was relentless for a day or two and then it just tapered off.

Sure, he’ll still whine on occasion – he’s 3 – but it has drastically reduced and now all it takes is a quick, “No whining, normal voice” for him to take a minute and self-regulate. Even a 3 year old can learn to self-regulate!

I still validate his feelings

Now, before you send me hate mail, I do validate his feelings. If he’s really feeling upset and having a hard time I’ll take him to the side and talk to him. I do not say things like “boys don’t cry.” It’s important he learns that if he doesn’t like his fork he can just go get a new one. There’s no need for a breakdown. I validate his thoughts and feelings by responding appropriately after he’s calmed himself down. Not by giving him whatever he wanted while whining the roof off.

I’m not trying to raise an emotionless man. Of course not! I want him to be free to share what’s going on with him.

But having a total meltdown at the kitchen counter because your grits didn’t cover the entire bottom of your bowl is not sharing your feelings. It’s pitching a fit.

Boundaries & Behavior

Family Practices & Contribution

Bye, Bye Backtalk

Backtalk isn’t just annoying—it’s draining, discouraging, and makes even the simplest requests feel like full-blown negotiations. This workshop will give you a step-by-step plan to stop the constant pushback and start building respectful, two-way communication with your kids. Because when you know how to hold boundaries and help your child feel heard, the fight fizzles—and connection takes its place.

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Playdate Tips for Moms

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of Quaker Oats for IZEA. All opinions are 100% mine.

Quaker Oats sent us a play date kit complete with chewy bar snacks. I had two friends and their families over for a morning play date and adding that to the other boocoodles of play dates I’ve had over the years, here is my ultimate guide to hosting a play date.

Seems like a silly thing to write about. I mean honestly, how hard can a play date be? I’ll be honest… I used to avoid them like the plague. I love moms. I love kids. And I even like getting out of the house (sometimes), but often these so called play dates were chock full of work and stress and we all left cranky and I never thought they were worth it.

Of course it doesn’t have to be that way, so here are some ways to think about play dates so you actually look forward to them and maybe – just maybe – even institute weekly play dates.

1. Set yourself up for success.

Plan ahead for weather, snacks, diapers, location, and what exactly you plan (or don’t plan) on doing. I don’t mean take all the fun out of it, but don’t go to someone’s house with a pool without floaties, for example.

2. Go outside.

The best play dates I’ve gone on were outside. There’s a few reasons for this. The kids aren’t making a huge mess in your house or someone else’s. You can choose a fenced in area like a park or playground so you can actually chat with friends instead of chasing 18 month olds. And outside is just good. Plus they won’t spend the whole time fighting over toys.

3. Choose time of day wisely.

Afternoon play dates don’t happen for us because mine sleep in the afternoon. Sure they could skip a nap on occasion, but I’d hate to see how they behave at 3:30 pm with 6 other toddlers who have all missed their naps. That’s not a play date that’s community service.

Sticky Routines System

Giving you a step-by-step guide to overcome barriers and stick to the healthy routines you’ve committed to. Learn the mindsets and secrets disciplined moms use to run a tight ship🚢 (think, mornings, chores, homework, bedtime, self-care, etc.)

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4. Bring snacks.

I’m not big into letting kids snack all day long. Because of that I often forget to pack drinks and snacks because I think, “They’ll survive.” Which of course they will except I soon regret that idiot choice when everyone else is munching on snacks and mine are giving me dirty looks. Quaker Oats provided me with their Quaker® Chewy® Granola Bars which the kids loved. I didn’t know this, but they have 8 grams of whole grains in every bar and come in oatmeal raisin, s’ores, and chocolate chip flavors. Then for a drink I mixed White Grape Juice and Ginger Ale on the fly for some “fizzy.”

When we had our play date last week my friend actually made us moms Energy Bites that were awesome too. She’s given me her recipe which I’ll share because we snacked on these puppies for a few days in the refrigerator. Recipe below.

5. Prepare children on how to behave.

We think kids automatically know how to act all the time. They should be kind, courteous, yes ma’am, no ma’am, and share with smiles on their faces. In reality, they don’t always transfer what they know to happen at home with what should happen elsewhere. Remind about no hitting and kicking, etc. and be sure to give them boundaries. I’ve been known to say, “If you fight and whine and scream the whole time we’re leaving.” I look them in the eye when I say it and that’s enough for them to be on their best behavior. They do actually want to stay!

6. Do something where you aren’t the clown.

In the above picture we had a bubble machine, a boccie ball set, and all the normal toys in my “holding pen” in our back yard. The kids milled around and did their own thing and this is key. If you actually want to talk to your friends instead of refereeing every single thing going on, make sure there is stuff for the kids to do that doesn’t require your constant supervision.

7. Consider ages.

Most children will probably be similar ages on play dates during the week since older kids are in school. Kids will play better with others around their age and do realize that the 18 – 2 year old phase where they think every thing they set their eyes on belongs to them. Knowing what to expect will make things run smoother.

Setting Your Family Pace

Family life shouldn’t feel like a constant race. This workshop helps you build a balanced, sustainable pace that handles responsibilities while making space for rest, connection, and what really matters.

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8. Take away troublesome toys.

Becky mentioned one way to cut down on sibling rivalry is to take away toys being fought over. This is true for play dates as well. If there’s a toy or activity they are all fighting over, can’t share, and are requiring your constant timer using supervision, just take the temptation away.

9. Find a cooperative activity.

In the play pack Quaker Oats sent my way they included a puzzle. We went outside so didn’t play this that day, but it turned into a great activity for my kids. Because they could cooperate while doing something together there was little fighting. Having an activity or game that includes everyone where they work together will help cut back on fighting. This may be as simple as building a sandcastle or painting a long butcher roll of paper.

10. Have set times.

This is particularly important if you’re having people over. By setting a clear time, say, 10:00 am – 12:00 pm, you’ll be able to organize your morning and not feel bad when you start cleaning up around the kids as noon gets near. You don’t want a play date to become a stressful thing, and if you feel that you’re having to kick out others then you’ll be less likely to host again. Plus, the shorter they are the more you look forward to the next one. 🙂

Energy Bites

1 cup Quaker rolled oats
1 cup coconut
1/2 cup ground flaxseed or 1/2 cup crushed sunflower seeds
1/2 cup mini chocolate chips
1/2 cup raisins
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup local raw honey
1 tsp vanilla

Mix together into balls and refrigerate.

Play date Giveaway and Chance to Win $25,000 Play Space Makeover

Quaker is providing the prizes for this program at no cost to me. This program is not administered or sponsored by Quaker or its affiliates, but solely by my blog, A Mother Far from Home.

1. Play date kit.

Quaker Oats has provided me with a play date kit ($100 value) to give away to one reader! I love this because this is a kit that keeps on giving long past the first play date. Oh, and for the bubble maker after you’ve run out of bubble juice you can dilute dish soap with water and it will keep on going :). To win, leave a comment below with your best tip for play dates and the winner will be chosen at random.

2. $25,000 play space makeover

Visit the www.ChewyKeepPlaying.com and enter for a chance to win that money to makeover some area in your home where the kids play. To enter you submit a photo of your family’s favorite play space and share how you’d like to see it made over and why.

How To Know You’re Making Good Parenting Decisions (Even If Others Disagree)

Ever wondered if you’re making the right decisions with your family and your kids? Here’s how to feel confident with your parenting choices even if others disagree.

It’s so important to feel confident in our parenting choices instead of second-guessing ourselves all the time.

Here’s how you can know you are making good decisions for your family, even if they are different than others.

Plain and simple.

The reason mommy wars exist is because we all want to do the perfectly right thing for each of our children and – when faced with others who do things differently – we feel fear, then insecurity, and then we judge.

If people would just let that sink in everyone would stop shaming and hating.

And just be happy with their own choices. But people can’t be happy with their own choices if they think their choices are wrong because, after all, the kids are at stake here.

So I’m here with one surefire and easy way to tell if you are making the right parenting choices in your own family.

Because once you know you’re making good decisions – I mean once you really know it in your heart, not just your head – you won’t feel the need to enter into any type of parenting debate.

It won’t matter.

There’ll be no reason to go out of your way to be mean because, quite simply, you are happy with your home and that’s that.

So here it is…

The litmus test you’ve been waiting for…

I mean, go get a cup of coffee so you can contemplate deep thoughts after this…

And let go of years of guilt…

Or perhaps realize that others were right?

“Wisdom is shown to be right by its results.” Matthew 11:19

There’s more to that verse and passage, but I’m going to simply take this truth and break it down to say this:

If your choices bear good fruit, they are good. If they do not, you might choose differently.

By now y’all know I’m a routine gal. A Type-A mom. I make it a point to promote good sleeping habits and do not reinforce bad ones.

I don’t identify with any particular type of parenting. I’m a mishmash of many things. I am a mom of order and yet I am very free range in my thoughts.

And I used to come up against other opinions, articles, suggestions, and strategies for parenting that were very different from mine and I’d feel insecure.

Worried. Am I screwing them up?

Until I read that passage one day in my devotion and I felt simultaneous waves and floods of relief and guilt wash away. Why?

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Because I get good results.

Of course, all my choices aren’t great. I wish. But the overall canon of my parenting philosophy is producing happy, obedient (most of the time), confident kids.

So here’s how we can apply this to our own choices.

What kind of fruit do we see for a particular choice?

If you start feeling guilt or concern you are doing it wrong in a certain area, stop for a minute and think about the results. Let’s use discipline as an example. It’s a very widespread thing now to forget about time out because it doesn’t work.

I’m fine with that completely except, in our home, it does work. I don’t shove them in some dark room and “make them pay.”

But if I sit them down to calm down, have a think and give us time to calm down, then it actually does change their behavior. Call that “time out” or “time in” or whatever.

It works for us. The fruit is good.

Maybe they are right.

I’d rather stay popular and leave this out, but honestly, it’s important. Sometimes other people are right and you just can’t see it.

This happens to me, you, and everyone else under the sun.

If you are trying a certain method to get your child to demonstrate less angry and aggressive behavior, and it doesn’t work, then it’s time to try something new.

The fruit of that method isn’t good.

Doesn’t mean you’re “wrong” or a bad mother or whatever else you say while feeling defensive. It just means that a particular choice is not wise and you could improve upon it.

It may mean you stop being so firm and employ positive parenting solutions.

Or it may mean you become more firm and resolute. Look at the fruit and let it guide you.

Read These While You’re At It

5 Things You Think Your Kids Can Do That They Can’t — And Vice Versa

7 Phrases to Encourage Independence in Toddlers and Preschoolers

Here are some simple no drama solutions for your child's behavior problems

Child Behavior Problems: A No-Drama Approach That Works

Where does this apply?

If you feel that mom guilt we so often suffer from, here are a few areas you can begin to let your fruit guide you.

Nursing / feeding / weaning choices

Is your baby nourished and thriving? Good. If you are breastfeeding, but don’t produce enough milk then wisdom would say to supplement.

If you are formula feeding and your baby is constantly chronically upset then wisdom would say to find a new one. That’s it.

Read These While You’re At It

Anxiety, Sadness, Crawling Out Of Skin, etc. When Nursing – How to Cope

Breastfeeding Techniques: Step-By-Step (With Pictures!)

A 7 Month Old Feeding Schedule That Works Like A Charm

A Printable Newborn Feeding Chart That Works Like A Charm

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Gentle parenting or not.

I’m against labeling yourself unless it helps you find resources that best fit your values. If that’s the case, good. If you feel compelled to lean into one type or another, I’d ask yourself why.

Where does the lack of confidence come from?
Are your methods not quite working? What about them aren’t working?
Is there a specific issue you are dealing with?

Read These While You’re At It

5 Counter Intuitive Mindsets To Lessen The Stress Of Motherhood

5 Instant Stress Busters For Overwhelmed Moms

5 Signs You May Be A Depressed Mom–And How To Start Feeling Better

5 Things Emotionally Exhausted Mothers Need to Remember

Sleeping issues.

Y’all know I talk about sleep a lot and share my thoughts. But if you are doing the exact opposite of everything I say and have a well-rested baby, that’s good fruit.

Keep it up. If your routine has worked and no longer does, change it up and find the good fruit again. Co-sleep or put them in their crib or wear them or whatever you decide produces good fruit.

Screen time.

Aside from the general guidelines put forth by research, use your head. I’ve found even an hour of screen time for my 3-year-old son makes him whiny and aggressive so we only do screen time on weekends.

Is screen time the devil? No. Does it produce good fruit in my home? No. At least, not what he was watching. Yours might watch some educational videos for an hour a day and see good fruit. Keep it up.

I could go on and on and on.

But I’m hoping you get the picture by now. It’s not about one general way that is best for every single person and we best fall into line now or all our kids will end up paying $150 an hour to some psychologist in 30 years. (Note to self: tell all my kids to go into psychology)

Does your child have curly hair?

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It’s about the fruit in our own homes.

The fruit in our own hearts and lives.

The fruit in our children’s lives.

Keep up what is causing good fruit. Change what is causing bad fruit.

And I promise you, you’ll no longer be threatened by what other people do differently.

How to help your daughter “grow into” her curls

Does your daughter have curly hair? I had a big mop of curly hair growing up and it actually took years before I was able to grow into it. Or at least before I was able to fully appreciate it. Here’s how you can help your daughter to grow into her hair.

I used to say that I should have been a grown up in the 80’s. I mean really. Some of those ladies worked hard to get their hair to look poofy, frizzy, and wavy. All I would have had to do is brush my curly mop! From when I turned 5 or so, my hair was always just very… big. It was bigger than my head and different than my mother’s and neither of us knew how to do it. It wasn’t until I became a teenager that I realized the most important curly hair rule in the book

You don’t brush curly hair.

When I finally learned how to do it, I actually started to like my hair. Unless it was super humid, I actually enjoyed having curly red hair. And I think part of it was maturing and part of it was because I figured out how to make it look nice.

So far my daughter is not taking after me. She’s blonde and her hair is straight. Her hair is easy to do, brushes smooth, and she walks out the door. And that’s part of the pain if curly hair… you actually have to do it or it doesn’t seem to look right. But, when you find out how to wrangle it, it’s so beautiful. And not only that, it’s special.

Here’s how to help your daughter come to terms with her curls.

1. Give the “grass is always greener” talk

There are straighteners because curly-haired people want straight hair. And there are curling irons because straight haired people want curly hair. The grass is greener if we let it be. Encourage your daughter that it’s normal to look at others who are different and think that’s somehow “better.” But the key is not to get too bogged down in this and stew on it. Also, if she’s fixating on her hair then give her something else to focus on. When we are focusing on others slowly our vanity gets put into its place.

Growing Up & Life Transitions

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2. Help her learn how she likes it

If you have straight hair and your daughter has curly hair then you may have trouble knowing how to care for it at first. But don’t worry, there are tons of resources for curly haired gals to get to know their hair. Here are some of my top tips for caring for your curls.

Don’t brush it, ever, unless you’re planning on blow drying the hair or bringing back the 80’s mane. Brushing separates the curls and makes hair frizzy instead of curly.
Create her desired part in the shower. Then later when air or blow drying, don’t mess with the part. This helps prevent separating the curls.
After showering, use the towel to blot dry your daughter’s hair, but avoid putting the head upside down and loosening and separating all the curls.
If her curls look great drying naturally with no products – hallelujah! If they need a little something, find some good curly-haired products that can bring out the best. Dove Hair has shampoo, conditioner, and lots of other products for curly hair here. I’ve used the products (pictured below) and love both their smell and texture.

3. Show her pictures and people

If your daughter is struggling with her curly head then show her photos of other women with beautiful curly hair. Curly hair – like red hair – may not be the norm, but it’s certainly not rare. Point out women with curly hair you know she’d appreciate. If she likes art, find curly haired artists. If she’s into sports, find sporty girls with curls. You get the picture. Help normalize it and give her someone who embraces their hair to look up to.

Family Practices & Contribution

Peer Pressure Proof

You can’t bubble-wrap your kid from peer pressure—but you can teach them to stand tall when it hits. This workshop shows you how to raise a kid who says “no,” sticks to their values, and makes smart choices—even when friends push the wrong way. Because we’re not raising people-pleasers—we’re raising kids who know who they are and act like it.

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4. Speak positively about curly hair

Dove Hair did a study and found that only 4 in 10 little curly haired girls thought their hair was beautiful. And this discontent obviously increased with age because only 10% of women with curly hair feel proud of that hair. Who knows whether it’s the current hair trends or not wanting to “stand out” as curly hair can make us do? Either way, it’s important that you speak positively about your daughter’s hair. Don’t complain about how it’s hard to do, hard to brush, unruly, wild, or crazy. It will make her feel even more insecure and she’ll spend her days hating it.

Create your own curly hair book

When I received my package from Dove Hair, I began using my products immediately and still am to this day. While my daughter doesn’t have curly hair, we spent time looking through the book and talking about her own hair. She just wants it long enough to put in an Elsa braid so, she’s not quite at the age where she is comparing her own appearance to others.

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

How To Have A Kid Friendly Home That’s Well Decorated

I have followed Emily’s decorating blog for years. If you’d love a kid friendly home that’s well decorated, stylish, uncluttered, and organized, these tips will help you get your home where you want it.

I’ve asked Emily a few questions and her answers are below.

Q: Tell us something very interesting (or very uninteresting) about your family!

Our twins were a complete surprise. We had three kids and had just moved into a slightly smaller house when I found out I was pregnant again. There are no twins anywhere in either of our families, so to say we were shocked is an understatement. But, what a blessing they have been!

Q: What’s the most surprising thing about becoming a mother?

That I would ever have the ability to eat breakfast while changing a dirty diaper. That I would encourage someone to wipe their snot on my t-shirt. That I would bite someone else’e fingernail when necessary. (Is that TMI?!) The (gross) things you learn to do and think nothing of it are pretty amazing. 🙂

Q: What’s your philosophy about decorating the home when you have small kids (a.k.a. little destroyers) afoot?

I would say to relax (as much as possible) and to not buy anything that you can’t imagine being broken at some point. Nothing is too precious in our house; most of our furniture is from Craigslist. I think it’s about setting some semi-realistic expectations. I know that this is not the season in my life to buy nice things—if I want to keep them.

Family Practices & Contribution

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This workshop will help you build a simple 15-minute daily routine that fits into real life—so the house stays (mostly) clean and the kids finally learn to help. Because a clean home is a team effort, not a one-mom show.

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Q: What’s your process for decorating kid and common areas? Any specific “rules?”

I don’t think there are rules, but I do think storage is a must—pretty baskets, furniture pieces with lots of drawer storage, etc. Things aren’t perfectly organized in our house, by any means, but there’s plenty of places to hide things away quickly.

Q: Your home looks so beautiful on your blog, is that how it looks behind the scenes too?

Umm, what do you think?! I’m just thankful that toys can be pushed to the side for “coffee table styling” and that sticky floors don’t show up in photographs. While I’m cleaning up one mess, they’re creating a bigger, better one somewhere else. I’m drowning! Ha!