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Feeding Baby Until One Year of Age

The first year of life is full of so many changes, including food! Here’s how we do it. This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Sprout® Organic Baby and Toddler Foods. The opinions and text are all mine.

That first year, the entire world revolves around the baby. Even at 9 months it seems this is still the case. Because the baby can’t feed himself (he’s trying, though) I’m either nursing him or feeding him when he’s awake. We’re not too off from our 6 month schedule so he still sleeps quite a bit. But still, it’s hug cute baby, feed cute baby, hug cute baby, feed cute baby, sleep…

Here’s how we go about feeding our little ones until their first birthday.

Birth to 5 months

Years ago when I found out I was pregnant, I lived in England, then Scotland. Breastfeeding was far more common than I remembered it being in the States (that said, I hadn’t been around friends with kids yet) and my midwives acted like it was a given. So I decided nursing was the way and it’s been one of the best decisions of my life.

With my fourth child, I actually say this nauseating phrase nearly every time I feed him… “Come here, little one, I made milk in my heart for you!” You can’t even, I know. I do breastfeed on a schedule and basic routine and yes, this is very possible.

To Breastfeed or Not to Breastfeed

Can you Breastfeed on a Schedule?

How to Get a Breastfed Baby to Take a Bottle

Sample Newborn Routine

Mentally Surviving the Newborn Phase

5 months to 9 months

In years past pediatricians and authors suggested beginning small amounts of solids at 4 months. Rice cereal was the recommendation. I did that with my first two children as they appeared genuinely starved at that age. Very small amounts and then built up.

With my youngest two I waited until around 5 months, building it up until they were getting good amounts by 6 months. By this age you introduce certain healthy foods, one at a time, and watch your child’s reaction to be sure there are no food sensitives or allergies. The nearest grocery store that carries a strong line of organic foods, as well as foods for those with allergy sensitives, is Publix. It’s likely different in your area.

At this point you’ll determine if you want to make your own baby food, buy from the store, or a hybrid. For my fourth baby, we do a hybrid. I cook some basic vegetables (though I’ll be honest it’s mostly sweet potato) to have on hand for meals. For my first child, I think she ate perhaps one jar of baby food from the store. I wanted to know exactly what was in the food, so I made it. Nowadays, we’re blessed with a lot of pure choices which helps.

Once I had a reader write on a survey that she felt guilty buying organic baby food at the store. She said she was buying organic baby food with no preservatives, so she hoped that was enough. I say, enough with the mommy guilt! I buy pouches like the above to keep when homemade supplies run out, to bring with me to church, on errands, and at other peoples’ homes. They are healthy and they are easy, and that’s good enough for me.

In the photo above my son is sucking on a Sprout Organic baby food pouch. He likes that, though he gets incredibly messy, but I also keep a spoon around to feed him with it depending on what’s happening. None of my children have been partial to any specific flavors. Their preferred flavor is food.

We are really blessed to be able to go to the store and have such a huge variety of healthy foods to give our babies. In other countries the babies drink milk only for years because it’s simply all they have.

One phrase to use when feeling mommy guilt

Homemade baby food: to do or not to do

6 month sample schedule

9 months to 12 months

At this point I begin introducing more solid foods instead of puree. I know those who do baby led weaning do solid from the get go, but my kids are huge eaters and the purees help them get enough into their little systems. As they are more coordinated (hand to eye and pincer grasp) they begin to feed themselves. I love this because there is a little more freedom there.

Here I begin blending or mixing foods I’ve cooked for everyone else so they are getting ready for full immersion. Foods that were previously pureed heavily are more chunky, so the babies learn to handle different textures and foods. I also introduce a lot more variety to their diet which I love. I honestly find the baby eating/feeding stage difficult.

At this point mine have also begun to really eat a lot. If they miss a “meal” then they wake up early from naps and early in the morning. Yes, this is a thing. If your child consistently wakes easily in the morning, the first two things I’d do is make sure they have a good early bedtime, and feed them more.

12 months on…

Essentially, after this point, I give them the food the rest of the kids eat. Whether that’s peanut butter and jelly, yogurt, puree packs like Sprout Organic, but for toddlers, or taco casserole. Except perhaps with a tad more applesauce than the others :).

I’d love to hear how you feed your baby! Tell us in the comments.

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Sprout® Organic Baby and Toddler Foods. The opinions and text are all mine.

Overcoming the Struggles of the Strong + Deliberate Mom

We’ve talked about the positives of the melancholic Strong + Deliberate mom, so here are some ways to make the best of your personalities and overcome your struggles. If you are new here, go back and read the four mommy temperaments to determine yours. Post contains affiliate links.

A few people said they had a hard time deciding which personality they had between two choices, so I think this week will help. I’m going to give specific and actionable tips on overcoming the struggles of each of the temperaments as they relate specifically to mothers.

This week I’m going to write on:

Overcoming the Struggles of the Fun + Energetic Mom
Overcoming the Struggles of the Fun + Energetic Mom
Overcoming the Struggles of the Strong + Deliberate Mom
Overcoming the Struggles of the Calm + Steady Mom

Are you a melancholic mother? There are certain struggles common to this strong and deliberate mom. Here are some tips and strategies to help overcome the melancholic weaknesses.

You are introverted, logical, analytical, and reserved. Many melancholic Strong + Deliberate moms are gifted in various areas, self-sacrificing, well organized, and great at gathering information and research.

You are creative, capable, and a great thinker and planner.

You struggle with perfectionism.

Because you have such strong ideals and standards, you struggle with wanting things to be perfect. Because of this, you often fail to act since you are worried it won’t be quite good enough.

This can be tough for you, and particularly for those around you who worry you don’t think they measure up.

While you will always be a person who shoots for excellence, you can learn to stop the paralysis that often comes with the desire for things to be “perfect.”

Adopt the motto, “Excellent is better than perfect.“
Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen if this wasn’t perfect?” If the answer is you feel embarrassed or inadequate, this could be pride speaking.
Give yourself time limits. If you are ruminating on a project or idea, set a deadline and do it. Do not let perfectionism become procrastination because the freeze is even colder.
Get a second (or third or fourth) opinion. Ask others if it’s “good enough.” You’ll be surprised at their answers.

You struggle with relaxing.

Because you are idealistic, stubborn, and tenacious (great qualities when applied toward the right things) you find downtime hard.

There is a lot to do and it won’t get done well if you don’t step in so you can easily become frustrated. Relaxing and learning to develop a positive outlook will improve your day to day by leaps and bounds.

My post on Type A women married to Type B men will help you learn to relax more in your marriage.
Take up some hobbies (for crafty moms and non crafty moms) that require your focus and attention. Don’t let them become pursuits of perfection, but simply to release steam.
Exercise. Your temperament is prone to illness and lethargy, so be sure to get in some type of exercise a few times a week.
Find new practical and natural ways to relieve stress.

You struggle with being too sensitive.

This is a tough one for you. You truly care what others think and how they perceive you. Because you are naturally suspicious and try to find hidden words and meanings (even if there aren’t any) you can often feel rejected.

Additionally, since many Strong + Deliberate moms are more reserved and withdrawn, this can come across as aloof and snobbish which means others may react in ways that further hurt you. You know the truth!

Read the bestselling book “I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t!)“
Learn to share your feelings well. When you are able to ask someone for clarification, dig deeper into why you’re hurting, and communicate with others about this you’ll often find people did not mean offense.
Get out of your comfort zone more. By removing yourself from “comfortable” situations you’ll broaden your horizons, experience, and increase your capacity for feeling uncomfortable.
Learn to stop taking offense. It’s so hard, but so worth it. This book, The Bait of Satan, will help.

You struggle with unrealistic standards.

If you are only imposing standards on yourself, you may be okay for a time. But as a mother, you quickly realize your standards aren’t that realistic.

It makes you perpetually disappointed and frustrated that your children can’t quite live up to what you want or need them to do. This hurts you and them.

Learn to evaluate and better manage your expectations. Expectations should be realistic.
Read books, talk to others, and find out commonly agreed upon norms. This may help you to see that your children or husband are not “behind” but on target. They do not have to perform like Olympians to be doing very well.
Think about how you feel when you don’t meet your own standards. Imagine your child standing in front of you feeling that way. Oh no! Work hard to not communicate your feelings inappropriately to your children.
Learn to praise your kids well. This will help immensely with your feelings toward their behavior and their feelings towards you.

You struggle with negativity.

Negativity, cynicism, and pessimism can be lifelong struggles for the melancholic Strong + Deliberate mom. It’s hard for you to master these emotions, and you surely don’t want them to permeate your home.

While you may always be a tad “glass half empty” you can learn to cultivate a more positive outlook.

Start a gratitude journal. Here is a good one. This will help you to focus on the positives.
Look at the bright side. When you start to feel down or negative about a situation, think of 3 positives that go with it. If you do this consistently in the moment, you will naturally begin seeing more positives.
Learn to release your anger better so that it doesn’t bottle up and explode.

You struggle with disappointment.

Disappointment is a heart breaker. Hope deferred makes the heart sick (Proverbs 13:12). Because of your natural idealism and hope for excellence in yourself, you extend it to others and situations far outside of your control.

Therefore, you’re often left feeling less than. Disappointment will sour and turn quickly into bitterness and resentment if it isn’t dealt with.

Count your blessings. Using the gratitude journal or just in conversation, appreciate the positives.
If you feel a huge sense of disappointment, write down the individual things that have disappointed you or cause you strife. Then, one by one, do what you can to change that situation. Things that are out of your control, you must let go.
Find some bible verses that speak to your heart about hope and life. Here are some great ones.
Develop perseverance. Instead of stewing in your hurts, choose to embrace the path you are on (or a new one) and actively find its positives.

If you aren’t sure this is your personality, scroll to the top and read the 4 temperaments’ strengths. This week I will address the struggles of all the temperaments so stay tuned!

Overcoming the Struggles of the Confident + Take Charge Mom
Overcoming the Struggles of the Fun + Energetic Mom
Overcoming the Struggles of the Strong + Deliberate Mom
Overcoming the Struggles of the Calm + Steady Mom

Overcoming the Struggles of the Fun + Energetic Mom

We’ve talked about the positives of the sanguine Fun + Energetic mom, so here are some ways to make the best of your personalities and overcome your struggles. If you are new here, go back and read the four mommy temperaments to determine yours. Post contains affiliate links.

This week I’m going to write on:

Are you a sanguine mom? There are certain struggles consistent with this fun and energetic personality, here's how to cope better in your motherhood role.

Mama, you are extroverted, fun, energetic, optimistic, people oriented, and cheery. You genuinely enjoy being around others and people feel comfortable around you. You are quite popular, charismatic, and passionate. You may get mad quickly, but you forgive just as fast and don’t tend to hold grudges.

You struggle with loneliness.

As the “life of the party” you find energy in groups and socialization. Being at home with small children can feel extremely isolating for you, particularly if your children aren’t behaving as you’d like.

There is not much worse for you than feeling dull, bored, or disappointed. Here are some ways to be sure you get the company you crave.

Host playdates at your home or even a public playground or park.
Go to weekly events like library readings, Bible studies, or MOPS groups.
Consider hiring a nanny for a certain block of time so you can catch up with old friends.
Regularly invite couples and friends over for dinner. Foster a sense of community in your home.
Read For the Love. It will feel like a huge breathe of fresh air to you.

You struggle with the mundane.

Again, part of the reason you can find home isolating and monotonous is that you come alive with excitement. Nothing is less exciting than laundry, chores, and organization.

It’s great for you to have it in order so it doesn’t drain you further, but the self-discipline and routine can be a struggle.

You may even feel very burdened by it all.

Prioritize the most important. You won’t have the bandwidth to do many banal tasks, but along with your spouse, determine your priorities and try to do those first everyday.
Consider hiring help. If your budget allows, hire someone to deep clean.
Start basic tidy routines with your kids. Once they get the hang of them, you need only enforce.

You struggle with consistency and routine.

You are likely not a huge lover of routine. Not that you don’t enjoy pretty checklists and getting things done, but you don’t enjoy doing the same thing every day.

This likely results in some struggles with small children since they thrive on consistency.

So instead of trying to become super strict in your routine (which probably won’t happen) you can try these things.

Find a good rhythm for your family and stick with it. My book Rhythms, Routines & Schedules break down how a rhythm might be better suited for you than a strict schedule. Kids do need rhythm so sticking with one will be invaluable.
Use blocks. Instead of planning down to the minute, think of your day in blocks. In each block you must do “x” but within that block, there is flexibility.
Find an accountability partner. Choose another friend who will help keep you accountable to doing the things you need throughout the day. Whether by text, email or social media, stay in contact.
Work on self-control. Take baby steps to build new habits of consistency that – though not super fun to start – will serve your energetic personality for years to come.

You struggle with people pleasing.

Because you love people and fun and happy environments, you try to avoid disappointing others. This may mean you over promise or make choices you don’t really believe in simply to keep the peace.

Whether to your spouse, children, or extended family, this can get you into some issues.

Plus, you aren’t being genuine to the person God made you if you change to please others.

Read The Best Yes. It’s all about wisdom with who we choose to please.
Change your default to “let me think about it.” Given some time and space you can learn to think before acting or committing.
Think about what boundaries are often crossed in your life that make you uncomfortable and work on those first. Whether it’s someone speaking too critically of you or a co-worker who consistently requires you to go above and beyond, choose two boundaries you know are being crossed and stand firm with those.
Realize you can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be all mom to all your babies. It is a short season and you don’t want to “miss it.”

You struggle with your emotions.

With a tendency towards people pleasing and a love for the fun, you wear your emotions on your sleeve. Though you do forgive and forget easily, you are swayed greatly by how you are feeling in the moment.

This can be good when the feelings are good, and bad when the feelings are not.

Make steps towards being a calm mom.
Learn how to manage your anger and discover your anger triggers so you are less likely to explode.
Create some basic consequences, expectations, and rules for your home. Concrete them in your mind and stick with them no matter how you are feeling. This will create security for your children.
Learn to “give yourself a minute” if you are feeling On The Verge. Your kids and spouse will thank you.

You struggle with long-term thinking.

As a person who loves to live in the moment you don’t linger in the past nor give too much thought to the future. It’s the here and now for you.

While this definitely has its benefits, it can be a struggle and a weakness with respect to goal setting and even child rearing.

So many of our parenting decisions are made now based on what we hope for the future. We must have an eye on both for success.

Don’t value spontaneity above consistency. Yes, have fun with the kids and enjoy this season, but realize that they need consistency. Fun is like icing on the cake.
Learn to zoom out. We often get so caught up in the moment we can’t see the forest for the trees. By learning to use big picture thinking we’ll get a better balance.
Practice goal setting for your family. Whether it’s goals for next year or the next 5 years, find a good goal setting system. Once you get started you’ll even feel the fun of it. This book might help.

If you aren’t sure this is your personality, scroll to the top and read the 4 temperaments’ strengths. This week I will address the struggles of all the temperaments so stay tuned!

How to Run Errands With a Baby and Not Regret It

It can be so hard to run errands with babies and toddlers. You can avoid it a lot, but at times it must be done! Here are tips to make it easier.

There I was in the handicapped bathroom in the mall.

The whole place smelled vaguely like a diaper genie minus the lid. My toddler was walking around in circles trying to pull toilet paper out of the trash can. I was feeding my little baby rather clumsily since I didn’t wear a “nursing shirt.” Plus, it’s hard to feed babies when they are so small you have to support every part of them and your own feeding apparatus. I think you follow.

Whew.

What a restful, exciting, and productive trip to the mall. Not. Yes, okay, I’m sure we got the few things we went for, but it wore me out. After returning home I put the toddler and baby to bed, laid on the couch with my ice cold Diet Coke, and told myself…

“How bout I never run errands again with the kids? Is that possible? Yes. Yes, I will make that happen.”

And to be honest, that’s how I operated for a couple of years. When I shared my schedule for four kids four years old and under, one of my main points was I avoid running errands with all the kids at all costs. That said, sometimes you have to go places and you have to take the baby and toddler and you want it to run smoothly.

And the good news is… it can run smoothly! Here’s how you can work errand running with happy little ones.

1. Time it well.

This is the biggest indicator as to how your trip will go. Whether tantrums will be had, candy will be demanded, and how many glares or stares perfect strangers give you in the store. I never run errands or schedule appointments during naptimes. I shoot for awake or play times when everyone is used to being up anyway. This means no tired or fussy kids and no sleeping in the car.

2. Bring easy food.

Until my babies are a year old, there is very little time they are not either eating or sleeping. If I run errands with the baby he inevitably needs to eat while we’re out. I’ll either nurse just before we leave or in the car if need be, and will always bring food as well. The best foods for on the go are little pouches, like the Sprout Organic baby food pictured below, because they are easy to eat, easy to feed, and are just as good as homemade since they are real food, no preservatives.

I find it best to always be prepared with some food that won’t spill or can be closed, otherwise you’re at the mercy of your location and their selection. We were shopping at Publix here so our options were great, but depending on where you are it isn’t always the case.

3. Treat but don’t bribe.

A bribe is, “Yes, okay, fine, you can have this toy if you’ll just stop screaming and crying. Stop! Here, here, here, let’s go get it.”

A treat is, “We’re going to the store. If you and your brother cooperate I’ll get you something small and nice when we’re on our way home.”

I like giving the kids a treat when we go out because I like getting myself a treat when we go out. It’s that simple. I can nearly always count on the kids to behave well in public, but this gives added incentive. We don’t do it every time, but they do know it’s an option so they usually behave appropriately. Note, this does not apply to babies. 🙂

4. Be realistic.

Motherhood is like Italy. Let me explain. Ten years ago I lived in Rome and it would take me five days to run 4 errands. It’s beautiful there, but what makes it so lovely to visit is what makes it highly inconvenient if you actually need to get business taken care of. I’m sure it’s different now, but things were always more involved than I estimated.

If you have to get a baby and a toddler in and out of your minivan 14 times everyone will scream, cry, and want to go home. Do what you have to do, but don’t overdo it.

5. Change before leaving the house and dress well.

By well I don’t mean cute. Or you can dress them cute if you’ve only got one or two and are into that. I have four so I don’t care what they wear as long as it doesn’t have an obvious hole and their underwear/diapers are covered up. Bring jackets or keep them in the car. Cold babies and toddlers don’t cope well. For ones still in diapers, I’ll change their diaper immediately before leaving the house in hopes I won’t have to do a change mid-trip.

6. Choose carrier, stroller, or buggy.

Sounds very “duh” to say that, but I like to know exactly how I’ll transport the baby. The carseat carrier is out because it’s too heavy and cumbersome. The stroller is out if I’m actually shopping because I don’t have anywhere to put things. The baby carrier works if we’re not going to be out for long, but after a while starts to hurt my back and my probably-fractured-pelvis from All These Kids. That’s why I love buggies that fit a couple of kids and are fun. When at all possible, we go to grocery stores that have these, the best in our area is Publix. Oh and Lowe’s, but Lowe’s doesn’t carry milk.

Overcoming the Struggles of the Confident + Take Charge Mom

We’ve talked about the positives of the choleric Confident + Take Charge, so here are some ways to make the best of your personalities and overcome your struggles.

If you are new here, go back and read the four mommy temperaments to determine yours.

This week I’m going to write on:

Are you a choleric mom? Certain aspects of motherhood are difficult for the confident and take charge mom and here are some ways to overcome those struggles.

Mama, you are extroverted, quick thinking, practical, self-confident, and self-sufficient. There’s not a problem you can’t solve, nor a situation that can’t be managed. You are busy, fast, and quick to see what needs to be done. You are an opinionated visionary with lots of energy.

You are a good decision maker, leader, and you just want to get it done.

You struggle to relax.

“How can you relax when there is so much to be done?” I asked my husband, apparently oblivious to the dishes and toys strewn everywhere. “Because they’ll get done,” he said. “Yeah, by me at night midnight tonight if you make me watch this stupid movie. I’ll be tired all day tomorrow! Can’t you just help me now?“

The problems of a Type A wife married to a Type B man. Good news. You can learn to relax.

The way for a Confident + Take Charge mom to relax is to have the other “urgent” elements of the day organized and planned out. If you know things will get done, you can relax.

Have tidy up routines so the house is always a few steps away from clean.
Schedule in time for yourself in the everyday.
Get exercise. Our personality more than any other needs exercise to release pent up energy.
Delegate chores and tasks to the kids (with clear consequences if they go undone) and spend time throughout the day getting things done.

Choleric moms find it difficult to relax. Try these tips for the confident and take charge mom.

You struggle to leave things “undone.”

This is incredibly difficult for our personality because our entire temperament is bent towards “finishing.” It’s why we rush through, leave some details at half quality, or rush into projects before proper research.

Because we’re confident we can figure it out and, by golly, it needs to just get done.

By learning to leave some things undone, or mid-process, we can ratchet down our speed from full out to steady. Here’s how to manage the constant stress of Finishing Everything.

Learn not to start projects until you have all the materials and a clear plan. We are starter finishers and if it’s started, it’ll consume our minds until we check it off the list.
Create realistic time frames based on real life expectations. You can’t sew a quilt in a day, write a book in a week, or make handmade Christmas presents on Tuesday. Stretch out time frames because the one in your head is, almost certainly, unrealistic.
Create an “out of sight” work space. If you pass by your project or task 56 times a day, the desire to finish will eat at you. By using space away from the central hub of your home you can utilize the out of sight, out of mind principle. And if you can’t move it, cover it up.
Don’t leave your pile of “things to do” right there on the kitchen counter all day. It’ll eat at you that you can’t focus on the list and finish it. Pull it out when it’s time to tackle it.

You struggle to manage your expectations.

Unrealistic expectations are the bane of the Confident + Take Charge mom’s existence. We have high expectations of ourselves and others and end up disappointed a great majority of the time.

Mostly with other people who don’t have our same drive to finish, get it done, excel, and win at everything All the Time.

Since we don’t want to raise downtrodden children with a fear of disappointing us, we must learn to form healthy and appropriate expectations.

Learn to praise and encourage effort, not performance.
Create and discuss clear expectations for children and spouse. Before cementing these in your mind (as we do) take feedback as to whether they are too ambitious.
Lower your standards. This is bad advice for some but for the choleric Confident + Take Charge mom, it’s good. Your standards are too high for toddlers, preschoolers, and mere humans to attain.
We must learn to find joy in eternal things, not the temporal ever-changing whims of small children.

You struggle to be empathetic.

Empathy and sympathy are not our natural gifts. But our no-nonsense tell-it-like-it-is personalities can hurt others and make them feel both ashamed and disappointed they can’t be as “strong” as they perceive us to be.

Practice saying, “I know you must feel sad right now, I can understand!”
Get on your knees and speak eye level to the kids.
Learn to hug and comfort without offering “you should do this” or “you should have done that.“
Establish on your heart that your gift is the ability to separate feelings from the situation, but others cannot.

You struggle with impulsiveness.

Because we are passionate go-getters, we’ll often jump knee deep into situations, activities, or commitments that aren’t thought through properly.

With small children this can be a serious burden as our family schedule becomes full and there isn’t downtime. It also comes out in the day to day hodrumness of routine.

Keep a good routine, but know change is as good as a vacation.
When feeling the urge to shop and buy, stand back and determine if you’re being influenced by a “today only” sale. If so, abandon the shopping cart and walk away. You’ll likely forget about it and if not, you can buy tomorrow.
Think about the costs of an action you find yourself maniacally drawn to. Just yesterday I packed up 4 kids to drive 45 minutes for a 5 minute errand during lunchtime. Am I stupid? Yes. Sometimes. We should avoid this.

You struggle with humility.

Pride, arrogance, and vain conceit are weaknesses of the Confident + Take Charge mom. In addition to the Bible labeling these sins of the heart, they prevent us from being wise parents who make good decisions.

In order to be wise, knowledgeable, in touch mothers we need hearts that can say, “I was wrong. I don’t know all the answers. I value your opinion.” Again, I am this personality so this is not me preaching to you, but me preaching to us.

Continue reading books of all kinds. They remind us we don’t know everything.
Practice saying “I am sorry” daily.
When others try to correct us or give their opinion, first repeat what they’ve said and help them prove their point before you try to prove yours.

If you aren’t sure this is your personality, scroll to the top and read the 4 temperaments’ strengths. This week I will address the struggles of all the temperaments so stay tuned!

What Moms Need to Know About Reward Systems

Reward systems and sticker charts are everywhere, but are they successful longer term or are they a cop out? If you’ve ever asked yourself, “should I use a reward chart?” then these thoughts may help you make up your mind.

My daughter and son are 12 months apart. Irish twins, they’re called.

Early on I decided my 1 year old should go ahead and get potty trained because two in diapers was Just Too Much and I could already tell she’s an overachiever. I decided to potty train her using the sophisticated M&M’s reward system. Basically, pees or poops in the potty are rewarded with a treat.

This worked about 3 times and then… well… she started asking for the M&M’s before she had a victory. She’d squat for a second and stand right back up with her hand out.

So I put up the potty, ate the M&M’s, and decided that for basic behavior and responsibilities I won’t use incentive based reward systems. Unless of course you consider not getting into trouble an incentive. In our home, we expect our kids to do what we ask. If they don’t do what we ask there are consequences. This is both okay and right because:

We are not unreasonable.

We have their best interests at heart.

We don’t have sticker charts or reward systems and we don’t keep track of their behavior across a short, medium or long term. (Except in goal setting which I mention below). We use a good ole fashioned rule of thumb that says: if and when we ask you to do something we expect you to do it. Since the vast majority of the time the kids operate in their own spheres of freedom and independence, this is not unreasonable.

Read These While You’re At It

5 Exceptions to the Rule You Must Teach Your Kids

How to give something that won’t wear out

Tips to unplug and be with your kids

Reward systems are just too close to bribery

We’ve all been there. Our kids are acting nuts and we’re trying to rein them in so we promise something special in exchange for obedience. From time to time this won’t hurt anything, but if the primary way we garner cooperation from our kids is a treat of some kind we are setting them up for a life of disappointment.

Reward systems seem different then bribes because there is a succession of behaviors before a treat, but it’s the same principle. If you obey my instructions 10 times you’ll get a treat. The incentive is a treat. I believe a child should do as their parents direct as a matter of respect. And I’m not talking about dictatorial parenting here either. Here are some requests from today. Requests that I fully expected my kids to obey.

“Don’t rub poop in your eye, please.“

“I know he’s cute, but no you cannot sit on your baby brother.“

“Push in your stool before leaving the counter.”

I’m not a dictator, ladies. These are simple things.

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Discipline with Dignity

Discipline shouldn’t feel like a battle or a shot in the dark. This workshop gives you a clear, balanced plan for setting boundaries that build respect and responsibility—without yelling, harsh punishments, or constant power struggles.

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Reward systems are the opposite of the real world

In the real world you aren’t rewarded for doing basic things. You’re punished for failing to do them. When you pay your light bill on time you don’t get a congratulatory message or a hug. But if you don’t pay they’ll shut your lights off. Your boss doesn’t recognize you for arriving to work on time each morning, but he may dismiss you if you’re late too often.

Why? Because society doesn’t reward us for carrying out basic behaviors and complying with culturally agreed upon norms. We are simply “punished” if we don’t.

Some reward systems discourage initiative

If I reward my kids for doing the basic and nearly effortless, what will motivate them to work hard? To put in that extra effort? The truth is, sometimes doing the right things in life gets you nothing. No reward. No recognition. No pat on the back. In fact, doing the right thing can often have unpleasant consequences. This is why our compass should be internal, not external.

There’s a much easier way

Instead of superficially rewarding our children for obedience, why not just expect it? If our kids don’t do what they should, let them experience a logical or natural consequence. There is still incentive to do right, but not in the form of something special. Plus, you can stop the tracking, the stickers, and the inevitable sibling performance comparison. It may not feel as “positive” but it’s gimmick free. And in the long run it’s much easier.

You can still shower praise on your children for good attitudes, first time obedience, and for being helpful and kind to one another. By praising your children with your words you will attach intrinsic value to certain actions. This builds long term character in ways a sticker chart cannot.

How you can encourage responsibility without “bribing”

One way that you can get your children to participate in household tasks or chores is to encourage Buy In. This means giving them options (within your guidelines of what must be done) and letting them choose. We do this with printable chore cards that cover the gamut of household tasks.

Boundaries & Behavior

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Bye, Bye Backtalk

Backtalk isn’t just annoying—it’s draining, discouraging, and makes even the simplest requests feel like full-blown negotiations. This workshop will give you a step-by-step plan to stop the constant pushback and start building respectful, two-way communication with your kids. Because when you know how to hold boundaries and help your child feel heard, the fight fizzles—and connection takes its place.

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Here are printable chore cards you can use to help children learn to contribute.

Here’s how that works:

When it’s time for chores, you get out your chore cards (or a list you have).
You can determine which things must be done in general, and then let your child choose which chores they prefer.
Teach your child how to perform that tasks and require obedience.
If they do not carry out the task, use a consequence.

It’s really that simple.

That said… here’s how reward systems can work well

That said, there are times when reward systems can work. I do not believe they’re helpful in the day to day basic behaviors for kids, but they do work in the following ways.

Goal setting. Rewards are a great way to help motivate your children to learn a new skill or to work hard to earn money for something expensive.
Classrooms or situations where there are multiple children (not your own) and you need to encourage participation and compliance.
As a bridge towards a new method of discipline. If your children previously did not comply with your word, using a reward system can help put the family on track until better behaviors are established, then expected.
Behavioral therapy, particularly for children with special needs.
For “extra” positive reinforcement. My friend Becky uses a reward system when her kids do something out of the ordinary, nice, or unexpected.
To correct long-standing undesirable behaviors. My friend Kelly used a sticker chart to help her daughter sleep through the night after years of broken sleep. This is similar to goal setting.

Instead of seeking to reward my kids with trips, treats, or more household clutter, I encourage them the old fashioned way. With specific praise, lots of affection, and plenty of talking about why we do what we do.

It’s not as flashy as a sticker chart. But I’m not a flashy gal.

My Neck of the Woods

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of Visit Gulf County. All opinions are 100% mine.

Because parenting is so universal… I don’t talk about our family too much. What we like, what we do in our spare time, or where we live. That’s normal and right. And it also makes me very excited when I’m able to talk more about those things and talk about things near and dear to our heart and location.

Earlier this year we took a trip to Gulf County. Our first trip as a family of 6 with a little baby! We had an awesome time, and I know it’s a place we’ll be returning to as the kids are older and able to actively participate in so much the areas has to offer. I hope it becomes a regular tradition. For us, it’s close enough for a weekend away and both my husband and myself loved the feel and vibe of the area where we stayed in Cape San Blas.

Before I get into some fun things to do with your family, here is why I think it’s important to choose a getaway destination well and things I like to look for. This is for us personally, but I’ll explain why as well.

Things to do, but not it’s not manic. I like laid back places where we can rest, relax, and then explore and adventure. Huge tourist destinations will come later – when the kids are older – but for now I don’t want the pressure of having to see and do tons of “must see” things without any margin.
There is nature around. I’m a country girl and the kids embrace the outdoors. I’m sure in later years we’ll have to fight the TV or a gaming system (if they’re lucky and someone buys it behind my back), but for now we try to spend as much time as we can outside. I want our getaways to be the same and to actually offer even more outdoor opportunity than home.
New things to see. There are some beach destinations that pretty much offer three things: the beach, restaurants, and shopping. While this has its place, it’s definitely not as much fun or exciting as places that are not geared towards consumerism, but are geared towards activity and adventure. While the kids are still young and in the imagination phase, these are my goals.

We’ve been there in person ourselves, but if you haven’t, you can check out Gulf County’s adventure guide to see all they have to offer. Here are a few of the adventures they have that I believe could become yearly traditions for our family. I’ve heard of many families who have yearly vacations to the same place and it becomes something of a compass each year, a week to look forward to that they remember even as adults. I would love those touchstones for our family.

1. Kayaking through the Dead Lakes.

We didn’t do this when we were there this April, mostly because there are too many kids and they were too young, ha. But both my husband and myself like this type of thing. Particularly if it isn’t too too strenuous ;). I think doing actual physical activities are such an awesome way to enhance an experience. You get to do something, see something, and smell something. This is the #1 thing I’d plan to do with the kids when they are old enough.

2. Shark fishing.

How fun to be able to catch a shark. Particularly for boys, what a bragging right to have a photo in the home with you and a big fat shark on a hook! And, don’t worry, you release it afterwards. The boat trip is an evening one, it’s safe for kids, and you have everything you need on board. Can you imagine how cute it would be to have yearly photos of kids standing beside their shark catch? Going to cry now at the thought of my kids growing so fast….

3. Seahorse water safari.

If your children love sea life and swimming, this is a good activity. There is a specific water safari company that helps you book and go on snorkeling trips, sunset cruises, and scallop trips. I think seeing local wildlife enriches the local experience. I lived in Australia and seeing the Aussie animals was one of the most exciting things about traveling there.

Read These While You’re At It

What To Pack For A Fun Stress-Free Beach Day With The Kids

Picky eating can cause a lot of stress at mealtimes. If your toddlers or preschoolers have picky eating problems, try these tips.

Got A Picky Eater? These 6 Tips Will Solve It!

handling babies and toddlers with jetlag

Traveling tips with small children

Avoid Travel Disasters With Kids – Tips From a Seasoned Traveler

If you are considering going on a beach getaway with your family, but want to go to a destination that is rich in adventure, outdoor activities, and wildlife, then check out Gulf County. You can look at the Gulf County Adventure Guide as well for more information. And if you do, drop me an email and maybe we can meet up :).

Gulf County is giving away a $50 gift certificate to have an adventure in your own town as well! For those that can’t get away on vacation, vacation at home :). There will be ten giveaways per week until October 25th so best of luck!

34 Things I’ve Learned In 34 Years

I turned 34 yesterday.

In the past 34 years I have done and learned quite a bit. I’ve been rejected, accepted, inside popular circles and outside the clique. I’ve lived on 3 continents, felt stupid in 3 languages, and had 4 babies. I’ve taught soldiers how to speak English, called myself a genital in Italian when I meant to say genius, and worn a threadbare rental swimsuit in a Turkish bath.

I’ve had Saturday nightly traditions with the grandparents, epic vacations with my mom, and lazy Sunday naps. I’ve suffered a dodgy massage in Budapest, seen the pope on his last Easter service, and nearly been arrested for prostitution in Mexico. It goes without saying that was Federali corruption.

I’ve made good choices, stupid choices, and learned that sometimes the only explanation for your actions is”it seemed like a good idea at the time.” I’ve worked for football stars, philanthropers, and Senators. I’ve humiliated myself at a piano recital, been mediocre at sports, and said too many hurtful things before saying, “well, it’s the truth isn’t it?“

What I've learned in my 34 years of life!

These past 34 years I’ve learned a few things. Firsthand. From my own experience.

The most important things in life cannot be bought.
But money makes life a lot easier.
Working hard doesn’t guarantee success.
Yet working hard is really the only option.
Everything does happen for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that I (or someone whose choices affect me) act stupid and make bad decisions.
Trying to make people like you is impossible. Being a good friend to those who already like you is a better use of time.
Waiting a long time for something, then receiving it, is a great life lesson. It’s never as satisfying as you hope. Unless it’s babies.
The best of friends don’t make you explain yourself because they already get it.
Sometimes all that’s left to do is bounce back.
It is the biggest smiles and most enthusiastic “I’m fine’s” that hide great pain.
Not everyone is fighting a hard battle. Some people actually do have it easy. But they miss out on the refiner’s fire.
Training for a 5k is easier than training for a marathon. Both literally and metaphorically.
If you’re gonna be stupid then you gotta be tough.
Life really is not about you.
The quickest way to end a pity party is to think about others who have it worse.
There is always someone prettier, smarter, more successful, and more popular. Those are not eternal qualities.
You cannot please everyone and trying makes you miserable. Please God and then you don’t care what others think.

Read These While You’re At It

DO OVER… How to Connect, Repair & Reset when You Mess Up!

Moms, Sometimes Doing The “Right” Thing Is Wrong

Ways to Connect with your Preschool Daughter

7 Simple Things You Can Do To Prepare Your Family For The Whole Year

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An honest compliment or word of encouragement will be remembered for years.
People like to remind you of how you used to be. Instead of offense, feel proud of how far you’ve come.
Loyalty says, though you mess up and I mess up, I am one of your people. Be loyal.
If it’s a grey area, don’t try to make it black and white.
Running away from good is bad. Running away from bad is good.
You can say no to good things. It will be okay.
But when you know something is once in a lifetime, do it. Some things never come around again.
Go with your gut 100% of the time. Even if you’re wrong you’ll be comforted you did your best.
Learn to be handle rejection and embarrassment. Life is much easier this way.
You can be funny without being crude or viciously sarcastic.
It’s better to hear (and tell) the ugly truth than believe a glittery lie.
Pray for wisdom and use it well once you’ve got it.
Laugh about your past mistakes, but don’t repeat them.
Some mischief makes for good storytelling.
It’s a blessing everyone’s different. Don’t try to make them be like you. (Plus, it doesn’t work)
God puts the lonely in families so be nice, don’t make your own family lonely.
No matter what 24-hour stores, drive through customer service lines, or high speed internet tell you, life is neither convenient nor easy. And it’s not because you’re doing it wrong.

I hope in another 34 years I will have learned more. More about myself, about others, and about the eternal things that really matter. As of today, I feel good I’m not who I once was. I feel good my priorities have shifted. I’ve got more wrinkles, dimples, and health issues, but I’m okay with me.

Are you okay with you?

34 things I've learned in my 34 years of life!

Spare The Rod, Hug The Child?

Kids will be kids. They will do things that are dangerous, preposterous, and even annoying. But the key for parents is knowing where your kids are coming from. I hope this post will help.

Sometimes our children are in need of correction, loss of privilege, or discipline, but other times our children need comfort and love and attention. The key to parents is knowing the difference.

I heard my little baby screaming. It was a scream I’d never heard before and – praise God – have never heard since. My 3 year old had mistakenly put a blanket on top of my baby’s head and could not get it off. It’s why you must teach them this.

He was scared, crying, and curled up in a ball under the covers. I was also mad, scared, and in shock. I sat there holding the baby and my husband was with my son. After a minute or two he whispered, “I couldn’t reach it!”

See, he’d done something not good. But, he’d done it by accident.

When children act (or respond) out of a purposefully disobedient heart, consequences and correction are in order. When they act (or respond) out of a wounded heart, comfort is needed.

It’s a good idea for us to look deeper at our children’s behavior before we spring into action. Some mothers find it more natural to correct (this type and this type) and others find it easier to comfort (this type and this type), but we can all learn to get to the root of our kids’ behavior instead of simply reacting.

Sometimes our children need correction, but other times they need comfort. It can be tough to tell which sometimes.

Clearly my son didn’t get in trouble. He was as traumatized as I was by the whole episode. After he’d calmed down we thoroughly explained why we can’t put blankets on the baby that cover his face and, believe me, he still remembers that lesson.

In the day to day, here’s how we can be sure we are meeting our children’s needs for comfort while not neglecting the important work of teaching our children consequences and how to take responsibility for their actions.

We correct willful defiance.

I try and find a root to their behavior. One morning my daughter had received a new toy, had a special sugary snack, and watched an hour or TV (which is not normal for our mornings). By all accounts, a great morning for a 4 year old. She then requested a snack and got extremely defiant and angry when I told her to wait 15 minutes until lunch.

She didn’t want comfort. She wasn’t hungry. She was angry that she didn’t get her way. This is a clear example where our natural response would be to correct her behavior, whether through a consequence or a loss of privilege.

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Discipline with Dignity

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We acknowledge emotions.

My kids know I hate screaming. I am highly sensitive to environmental noises and get On The Verge quickly if kids are unhappy screaming. But I’ve realized that I can’t enter a room and get everyone who screamed in trouble. Why? Because sometimes the unhappy screaming is due to sibling terrorization.

The other day I heard a scream (near a sleeping baby, another broken rule) that immediately made my blood boil. I stomped in there and found two children ganged up on a third, and were being unnecessarily mean. Two got consequences, one got comfort.

We don’t avoid hard things.

It can be easier for some moms to empathize, sympathize, and comfort.We’d all like to believe those responses take the place of consequences and discipline since they are more pleasant. And, depending on the child and circumstance, sometimes they will. But most times, a loss of privilege or consequence is in order when children act willfully and defiantly disobedient.

It’s hard to make sure one child doesn’t watch TV if the others can. It’s hard stay at home with one child while the others go to the park because she lost the privilege. By Day 5 of a Day 7 no media restriction it feels like too much. Just because you have to enforce some hard consequences doesn’t mean you are a hard mother. You can be both kind and firm.

We do avoid harshness.

You can carry through with your word without being harsh. You can explain a difficult concept without being mean. Just because you are disappointed in your child’s behavior doesn’t mean you have to be angry and harsh in your words or body language. I struggle with this. It’s my natural instinct (as this type of mom) to think that strong criticism spurs the type of behavior I want. That because it works for me. But that will not work for young kids.

Years ago I had a piano recital. I’d memorized two pieces, and I was backstage practicing 5 minutes before start time. As I was about to play the last night of the first piece, the teacher came in and said “time to go!” I stopped. I couldn’t remember the last note. I sat through those before me nervous and, sure enough, when my turn came to play I couldn’t end the song. I went on to the next song then couldn’t end that one either. It was so humiliating I wasn’t even humiliated. If that makes sense.

Afterwards my mother didn’t correct me. She didn’t tell me I should have practiced more or memorized the piece in sections. She comforted me because that’s what I needed.

Read: Time In Vs. Time Out … and is Time Out Damaging Kids?

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Bye, Bye Backtalk

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But in the end

“You’ve made me so sad, mommy….” my 3 year old said while whimpering from his bed.

Except this time he was sad because he was in bed 15 minutes early without reading privileges. He knew he’d done wrong (multiple times while ignoring us) and he was genuinely sad at the consequences.

My response?

“It’d make me sad too if I couldn’t read books before bed. Maybe tomorrow night you’ll make better choices, huh?“

To which he sniffled sweetly and replied, “Yeah, mom, I think I will.”

Related reads:

Sources:

How I Beat My Postpartum Sugar Addiction

After I had my fourth child, I realized I was addicted to processed sugar. I don’t even have a sweet tooth! Here’s how I beat it without big dieting or lifestyle change. Post contains affiliate links.

Bacon cheeseburgers, pizza, and cheese fries. These are my weaknesses.

How I found myself addicted to processed sugar and sweets I still don’t know. After the birth of my fourth child I craved sugar every day. All day. I hadn’t even been out of control eating during pregnancy. After all, I don’t want to weigh myself during pregnancy. I hadn’t eaten more sugar than normal and wasn’t on a binge, I just couldn’t stop craving sugar.

And I knew it was a craving because I didn’t want real food, I wanted sugar. And while I wanted it, I also didn’t want it. The thought of eating sugar made me feel kinda queasy, and yet I really wanted it. Also, it was only satisfying for the first few bites.

Postpartum Sugar Addiction (n): When all you think about is Pop-Tarts, ice cream, pound cake, and Reese’s.

I am not a health nut nor super foodie. I do cook from scratch and we eat mostly real food, but I didn’t spend hours or days researching the dangers of processed sugar. I am actually addicted to Diet Coke and don’t plan on quitting. Even so, I knew I had to kick this sugar habit in the bud for a few reasons. These reasons included but were not limited to the fact that I:

wanted to actually lose my postpartum weight;
don’t even really like sugar;
felt queasy and sick after indulging my cravings;
don’t want to be addicted to anything except aforementioned beverage.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

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Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

Taking care of your mental health shouldn’t feel like another chore. This workshop shows you how to build simple, sustainable routines that support your well-being and your kid’s emotional health—without the stress or overthinking.

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These tips might not work if you have a lifelong sugar addiction or a sweet tooth. They are not grounded in research either, but they helped me – an average mother of 4 – get over a postpartum sugar addiction. At 9 months postpartum I no longer have sugar cravings, can go many days without eating anything sweet, and am back to being tempted by french fries. Tempted, but not addicted.

⇒ Confident + Take Charge and Strong + Deliberate moms can likely go cold turkey, or at least stay fairly disciplined. If you want to be over this quickly, a complete sugar fast might work for you!
⇒ Fun + Energetic moms and Calm + Steady moms live in the present so it will be harder to forego the temptation and stay as disciplined. The tips below will probably work really well for you if you’re consistent.

Oh, and before I begin, these are things I did not do… I didn’t do a whole food 30, I didn’t completely eliminate all things sweet, nor did I diet or detox. Here’s what I did do.

1. I did the grocery shopping and meal planning.

I know myself. I am not tempted in the grocery store to buy unhealthy food. However, if it’s at home, I am tempted to eat it. During this time I made sure to plan my list well to avoid the culprits and replace them with better options. Also, I told people (lovingly) not to bring over junk or it’d land in the trash. Ha! Okay, not that severe, but I did try to control what came into our home so the temptation would be less.

2. I ate applesauce instead.

Under a rock. That must be were I’ve been living the past 20 odd years because until I had my first child I’d forgotten about applesauce. Don’t. It was a lifesaver. Even the unsweetened applesauce has a sweetness to it that’s refreshing without the “ugh” feeling afterwards. If it’s refrigerated, it’s a cool refreshing alternative to a Ho Ho. When I got a craving for something I ate a mug full of applesauce and it helped tons. Also, it’s not expensive nor rich in calories.

3. I ate peanut butter instead.

Peanut butter is a super food. In my opinion. Our entire family eats it by the spoonful over here. Until my baby was diagnosed with a peanut allergy so now I abstain. However, it was instrumental in helping me get past the sugar addiction. Peanut butter is “good fat.” A good fat is basically an unsaturated fat that, when eaten in moderation, can help lower cholesterol levels and reduce your risk of heart disease. That aside, it tastes good and it’s filling. When I had a craving, I would get a spoonful of peanut butter and eat it slowly. It’s tasty and – probably the best thing – super filling.

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4. I drank my own concoction instead.

When I lived in the UK and then Australia, one of my favorite drinks from the grocery store was called Appletizer. It was a tad expensive to guzzle, so I started creating my own mix. Essentially 1/4 juice (apple in this case) and 3/4 carbonated water or Diet Sprite. We’ve all heard it said that drinking a glass of water can satisfy our hunger because, often, we’re actually just thirsty. When I wanted to use this strategy, but really had a craving, I’d make my own drink. Yes, I do know juice has sugar in it, but it was better than a Honey Bun.

Read These While You’re At It

Baby Gifts for Someone Who Has Everything

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A weary mother’s love letter to her pillow

Expecting mother must haves for the yummy newborn phase

What expecting mothers need for the newborn phase

5. And a lot of water.

I’ve long found that if I get out of the habit of drinking lots of water, I stop craving it. Then I feel bloated. When I realize this and drink a lot of water again, I instantly feel better. Then I start feeling thirsty for water. It’s a cycle, whether good or bad. I didn’t want to stop drinking all Diet Coke, but I knew I needed to do up my intake of water. This just helped me to feel better and when I felt better, I was less tempted to binge on sugary treats.

6. I gave it time and kept at it.

Personally, I didn’t want to do a 30 day freeze out. I have a 4 year old, 3 year old, 2 year old, and then a new baby. Crazy. Town. And not the time to go cold turkey on sweets. I needed my sanity intact, people. However, it was important for me not turn a new sugar addiction into a lifelong battle. Each time I had a craving, I tried to do one of the things above. Occasionally, I’d give in to a treat, but on the whole I started crawling out of the sugar addiction hole.

It wasn’t overnight. It wasn’t always pretty. But after a few months I woke up one day and realized the cravings were gone. The desire to bake cookies if there was nothing sweet in the house went away. I could eat a bowl of ice cream one evening without needing to eat one every single night. I did lose that baby weight in the process as well.

Don’t send me hate mail if you think my way is wack or crazy. It may be. But it worked for me.

If you think my strategy was not quite strict enough, these methods might help.

How to Like your Clothes More Without Spending Money

A great (and easy) thing to do when the season comes, changing out your wardrobe! It’s not just for people with tons of clothes. Post contains affiliate links.

75% of the clothes had the tags still on. The closet was so full that she had to steady herself with a hand on the wall to push and make room for another shirt or two. And with such a full closet, the words that came out of her mouth were… you can probably guess…

“I have nothing to wear.”

Of course we know this really means there’s nothing we want to wear. But the result is the same: we’re unhappy with our clothes. And when we’re unhappy with our clothes we’re unhappy with how we look. And when we’re unhappy with how we look we are in a bad mood. And when we’re in a bad mood we take it out on the kids.

Even though we joke about wearing yoga pants all day and embrace our season by not wearing stilettos around the house, tripping on LEGO, and twisting our ankles, the truth is it’s important to not hate your clothes. It’s not important that they’re super trendy or expensive, but that we feel like ourselves in our clothes.

(Note: Dressing Your Truth helps you find clothes that showcase your own personality. Here’s a review I did on it.)

My favorite way to be okay with my clothes – even if they aren’t all new – is to do a seasonal wardrobe switch.

How it works

A seasonal wardrobe switch is essentially separating your clothes by season,2 or 4 seasons depending on the extremes of your local climate, I only do 2 since Florida’s climate is very hot and kinda chilly. You can separate clothes into those you’d wear in summer and those in winter. A few tips.

Layering items can stay for both. These might be light cardigans, tank tops, or t-shirts.
Clothes that are very season specific (heavy sweaters or linen sundresses) should automatically go in appropriate piles.
While you sort for the season you can remove any clothes you haven’t worn in a few years to a donation pile.
The key is that the clothes for the previous season should not be visible. I take the items and fold them carefully and put them into a storage container or bin at the bottom of the closet or in nearby storage.

⇒ Fun + Energetic moms might find this the hardest since they take joy in having nice new and trendy clothes.
⇒ Confident + Take Charge moms will love the organization this brings as well as having a clear idea of the big picture of your wardrobe
⇒ Strong + Deliberate moms often care little for clothes as they are often consumed with thoughts of a less “superficial” nature, but they also like their stuff to be well taken care of so this will apply to them as well
⇒ Calm + Steady moms are fond of “comfortable” clothes so this is a good way to take inventory as to whether you have enough “dressy” items in your seasonal wardrobe

It increases contentment

One way this increases contentment with what you have takes into account the old saying: familiarity breeds contempt. If you stare at clothes (even out of season ones) every single day when you open your closet you begin to feel too familiar. However, when you bring out the new season’s wardrobe you’ll see pieces you don’t even remember owning and you’ll think of new ways to wear them.

It’s shopping without shopping

When you bring out a big box of clothes and put them in the closet you’ll feel like you’ve already gone shopping. You can look at the clothes you kept at the end of last season and seeing if you are in need of something particular like tights, a jacket or a swimsuit, etc. For me, having the clothes come out of storage is nearly as exciting as buying things. This season I realized I didn’t have enough “grown up shirts” but just a lot of button ups. I don’t work in an office, so I donated a few button ups and replaced them with some other shirts.

You know what you need

By sorting and replacing your wardrobe you quickly realize what you don’t have. If this occurs all at once you can take proper inventory and fill in the gaps. If you leave all your clothes in the closet then you won’t know what you need until you realize, that day, you don’t have it. You’ll end up shopping and spending more this way because you’ll go to the store more! By taking an inventory at once you can do one shop to get all you need and there won’t feel a nagging need to shop all the time.

After you know what you need you can figure out your budget. You can take a seasonal shop, go thrifting, or do a wardrobe swap with friends! I’ve recently signed on to StitchFix and my first shipment is on its way. You get a stylist send clothes to you and, if you like them, you keep them. If not, you send them back.

All you have is wearable

Part of the reason keeping all the clothes in the closet isn’t helpful is that, on any given day, a large portion of your clothes are seasonally in appropriate. This means as you are giving your closet the side eye you are flipping through shirt after dress after sweater that there’s no chance you can wear thinking “all my clothes are stupid and life bites.” This is particularly important if you have clothes that no longer fit. If you don’t want to get rid of them for sentimental (a wedding dress) or goal-motivation (I’ll fit in them again!) purposes then at least keep them out of sight. You do not need a daily reminder that you are not the size you used to be.

I’m not super into fashion or into big trends, but I do like to feel reasonably current in clothes that aren’t shabby. I think feeling nice about how you look – even if it is clothes you’ve had for a few years – helps set your mood.

If you struggle with how to dress or what clothes look good on you, I cannot recommend enough the Dressing Your Truth course. Here’s a review I did of the course and why it is a great thing for people who are not driven by the tides of trends, but still want to look and feel their best.

Strengths of the Calm + Steady Mom

Your phlegmatic temperament has much to offer your children and family and here’s why. This is installment 4 of 4 of the four temperaments and how each of them bring life to their family.

If you’ve been waiting all week to get into why you, the calm steady mom, are a great mom then wait no longer.

You are calm and steady.

As an introvert, you are content at home with the kids and able to take things in stride. Even when things get chaotic, stressful, or the kids get out of control you remain easygoing.

As a Calm + Steady mom you’re nearly immune to anger. Your fuse is very long and it takes a lot of pressure over an extended period of time before you blow up. Ever patient and long suffering, you can remain cool under pressure.

You can get down to the kids’ level and just be with them. They feel that you truly pay attention and that’s because you do.

You are able to focus intently on what you are doing, and the kids will often look to you to play a game or watch their new trick because they know you’ll focus on them.

Are you calm, steady, easy going and a peacemaker? Phlegmatic moms are blessings on their children and here's why!

The Calm + Steady mom is a peacekeeper by nature. You don’t function well when situations are full of turmoil and drama, and seek to keep your home a place of rest and relaxation. You’ll be quick to diffuse high tempers and to reconcile everyone to a place of relational harmony.

Whereas other temperaments tend towards anxiety and worry, you live fully in the present and avoid situations that are likely to cause you stress. You like to think before speaking or jumping into something and will often take a long time before starting something new.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.

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You will be predictable in certain areas of motherhood and your children will find security in that.

The Calm + Steady mom will likely teach her children empathy and kindness. Instead of focusing on punishment, you will be quick to explain to your children why a certain behavior is preferable to another. You truly care about the feelings and well-being of others and want your kids to feel welcome and safe in your home.

“Nice” is a word often used to describe you. It’s not for lack of more descriptive words, but because you truly personify the adjective. You are kind, thoughtful, respectful, and caring. As your children age they will find you an excellent listener.

You won’t jump in to offer help when unasked, but offer positive supportive feedback when you know it’s desired. Children of the Calm + Steady mom will use your shoulder often and know you care about what they are going through.

You are easygoing.

People feel at peace around you.

You create an environment of harmony and rest.

“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
Her children arise and call her blessed.”
Proverbs 31:11-12, 20, 28

The Calm + Steady mom’s family are blessed by her steady, kind, and calm demeanor. She brings peace and harmony to her loved ones.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Self-Care That Sticks

In this workshop, you’ll ditch the “I don’t have time” excuse and build a flexible, doable self-care plan that fits into your real life. Because taking care of yourself shouldn’t feel like another thing on your to-do list.

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Birth to 5 months

5 months to 9 months

9 months to 12 months

12 months on…

I’d love to hear how you feed your baby! Tell us in the comments.

Self-Care Routine Tracker

You struggle with perfectionism.

You struggle with relaxing.

You struggle with being too sensitive.

You struggle with unrealistic standards.

You struggle with negativity.

You struggle with disappointment.

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

Self-Care Routine Tracker

You struggle with loneliness.

You struggle with the mundane.

You struggle with consistency and routine.

You struggle with people pleasing.

You struggle with your emotions.

You struggle with long-term thinking.

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

1. Time it well.

2. Bring easy food.

3. Treat but don’t bribe.

4. Be realistic.

5. Change before leaving the house and dress well.

6. Choose carrier, stroller, or buggy.

Self-Care Routine Tracker

You struggle to relax.

You struggle to leave things “undone.”

You struggle to manage your expectations.

You struggle to be empathetic.

You struggle with impulsiveness.

You struggle with humility.

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

Reward systems are just too close to bribery

Reward systems are the opposite of the real world

Some reward systems discourage initiative

There’s a much easier way

How you can encourage responsibility without “bribing”

That said… here’s how reward systems can work well

1. Kayaking through the Dead Lakes.

2. Shark fishing.

3. Seahorse water safari.

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

We correct willful defiance.

We acknowledge emotions.

We don’t avoid hard things.

We do avoid harshness.

But in the end

Self-Care Routine Tracker

1. I did the grocery shopping and meal planning.

2. I ate applesauce instead.

3. I ate peanut butter instead.

4. I drank my own concoction instead.

5. And a lot of water.

6. I gave it time and kept at it.

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Here are some related reads on sugar addiction.

How it works

It increases contentment

It’s shopping without shopping

You know what you need

All you have is wearable

Leave a comment if you are Calm + Steady and tell me what your best strength is!