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Being a mom is tiring… want to know the surefire secret to less stress?

There is a secret to less stress in motherhood and it’s probably one you’ve not heard of. Instead of worrying about every little thing, try this.

With our first children we are often extremely paranoid.

Worried.

Very careful to make sure they look perfect, sleep perfect, and have the best of everything.

We follow the letter of the law (whichever law we subscribe to) and plan matching outfits and wonderful baby books and make all their baby food homemade.

We take great care.

And then we have more children….

Some mothers are pleasantly surprised that more kids doesn’t equal more stress. At least not at first.

Some mothers find the opposite, in fact.

Here’s my secret to less stress….

Read my graphic below to get my super secret – and probably not obvious – secret to less stress in motherhood and parenting.

Being a mom is exhausting. Heres the secret to less stress as a mom

Do you only have one child and feel very stressed?

Whether you have kids spaced far apart or close together might not matter as much as you think. What MIGHT matter is how having multiple kids encourages you to let go of some control.

To stop taking things so seriously.

To relax more and not take things personally.

To realize you can’t control a lot of things so you learn to let things go and become a less stressed and discouraged mama.

Tips for people with multiple children close in age

If you’ve got a few kids all close in age, these posts will help you.

The key, of course, is a good routine, clear boundaries, and lots of love and a sense of humor.

And here are some posts about having babies close together, if this is your method for reducing stress. Ha!

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Sticky Routines System

Giving you a step-by-step guide to overcome barriers and stick to the healthy routines you’ve committed to. Learn the mindsets and secrets disciplined moms use to run a tight ship🚢 (think, mornings, chores, homework, bedtime, self-care, etc.)

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Why having more kids can make you less stressed

The truth is having more kids can obviously be more stressful. You have more mouths to feed and more bottoms to clean and less time to yourself.

One on one time with your kids is harder to come by and you may feel more guilt for not having as much time with each child.

However, ,if you let it, having more children can help you to relax. It can help you to – like organized moms everywhere do – major in the majors and minor in the minors.

You will learn firsthand that what most kids want is just a present parent. Because you just won’t have time to actually cater to all your children’s every need, you’ll see what things really end up mattering and which don’t.

You’ll see that a lot of the things you did because you thought it mattered to your child, you’ll find out it really only mattered to you.

The real way to be more at peace as a mom

So whether you have one child or you have a dozen, the real path to peace is in knowing there’s someone in control smarter than you are.

Doing the best you can each day and then being okay with what you’ve done.

After all, life’s not like a photograph, it’s like a video.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Self-Care That Sticks

In this workshop, you’ll ditch the “I don’t have time” excuse and build a flexible, doable self-care plan that fits into your real life. Because taking care of yourself shouldn’t feel like another thing on your to-do list.

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What expecting mothers need for the newborn phase

I’m 36 and a half weeks pregnant with my fourth child and, while there aren’t many big necessities looming, there are definitely some expecting mother must haves on my list. Here’s how to help you get what you need to help survive the newborn phase.

I am not a big collector of stuff. I don’t think I need a lot. I don’t hoard. I like to buy, use, consume, and then either donate or throw away.

However, there is just no denying that the arrival of a new baby brings with it certain needs. In order to fully enjoy those first few weeks and months, it’s best to be prepared and have what you need on hand.

Registries are a great way to ensure that you get all you need, and have something to refer your loved ones to who are looking to help get your family ready for the baby’s arrival.

Particularly if you are a new mom and have a few showers lined up, creating a registry at an easily accessible store is pretty much the easiest way to go about it.

Related Reads:

Expecting mother must haves for the yummy newborn phase

So without further ado, here’s my must have list. There are other things, but after 3 babies (in my humble opinion) these are the essentials.

For nursing

1. Lansinoh. This is pretty much the best thing you can get if you plan on breastfeeding. To prevent cracking, soreness and discomfort (and to heal it) this lanolin cream is recommended worldwide. I’ve had 3 babies in 3 countries and yet to find anything better.

2. Nursing pads. Breastfeeding takes some adjustment. Both in getting your rhythm down and in milk supply between the baby and the mother. Unless you want everyone you meet to know you breastfeed because – well – it shows, then you’ll need nursing pads.

3. Nursing tank tops. Not all clothes are created equal during the breastfeeding phase. Nursing tops are a huge convenience while you’re still getting used to everything.

4. Burp cloths. I always seem to think I don’t need these Then I end up going through two or three shirts a day. Or I don’t… and that’s even worse.

5. Breastfeeding friendly bottles. Though you’ll be primarily breastfeeding, it’s a good idea to introduce the bottle to your baby earlier rather than later. You may not need this, but if you will have to be away from your baby from time to time longer than a few hours it’s good to have the right bottle and know how to get a breastfed baby to take a bottle.

Read These While You’re At It

How I Beat My Postpartum Sugar Addiction

Baby gifts for friends who have everything

Is sleep a priority for you?

A weary mother’s love letter to her pillow

For mommy

5. Eye mask. Hopefully in the initial phase after birth you’ll have some help around you. That means you’ll probably be feeding, changing diapers, and sleeping. An eye mask is a great way to help you get some sleep even if you have to catch it at noon. I was given an eye mask with my first pregnancy and have never looked back.

6. Night gown and robe. Whether you wear this in the hospital or in the first week at home when you don’t leave the house much, a new nightgown has a way of making you feel better. Instead of a ratty college t-shirt (not that there’s anything wrong with that) you’ll at least feel less guilty that you didn’t get dressed all day.

7. Favorite snacks. When you’re nursing or spending time cuddling your newborn, snacks are a good thing to have on hand if you don’t feel like preparing a whole meal. I always want a nice drink and something yummy when I sit down for a feed.

8. Comfy intimates. After birth you’ll likely not fit into your 40 week panties, nor fit back into your pre-pregnancy ones. I’ve found the best way is to buy intimates especially for this period that are comfortable. Nursing bras and underwear in your “new, but hopefully not for long” size help you to remain comfortable.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Weary To Well

This 10-day reset will help you uncover what’s wearing you down (spoiler: it’s not just lack of sleep), set boundaries without guilt, and finally create space to breathe again. Because burnout isn’t your personality—it’s a signal things need to change.

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For baby

9. Diapers and wipes. Diapers are obviously a must have. Even if you plan on doing cloth diapers, that doesn’t usually get started until around 3 months so you’ll want a big stash. In my registry I included Pampers® Swaddlers. When people pick up diapers for us they always seem to ask which brand, so it’s a good idea to know what you like so you get diapers you’re happy with.

10. Swaddle. You gotta swaddle that baby. From day one! This is my favorite swaddle I’ve used with all four babies. I know some mamas say their babies didn’t like to be swaddled, but I swaddled all mine from birth and they’ve loved it. Every one. Plus it really helps in establishing good sleeping patterns with newborns.

Read: Cocooning a Newborn & 7 Reasons Why it Can Be Good For The Family

11. Car seat. Depending on how long ago you had your last child – and definitely if you’re a first time mom – you gotta have a car seat. Requirements often change so it’s best to be sure that the one you have meets safety requirements and, if not, to upgrade.

12. Pack-n-play. Each family is different, but I always keep our baby in our room until they are sleeping through the night. This occurs sometime between 3-4 months. Because I usually have their crib in their own room, we keep a pack-n-play in our room where the baby sleeps through the night. This is also great for when you are away, or when you’d like the baby to be able to nap well at someone else’s home.

Read: What To Do When Baby Is Feeding Every Hour (& Not Sleeping!)

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Parenting in Hard Times

Parenting through a crisis feels heavy—but you don’t have to do it alone. This workshop gives you a clear plan to bring stability, emotional safety, and strength to your family when life gets shaky. Because in hard times, your kids need a steady, loving guide.

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I’m a mom… but is that all?

So many of us anxiously awaited motherhood. Then, when it came, found ourselves slightly confused. Yes, I’m a mom and happy about it. But is that all I am? Let’s tackle some sahm identity issues head on!

I’ve written on my stay-at-home-mom identity crisis before. It’s one of my most popular posts because – well – it’s a common thing. You’re a tired mom and the resume for a stay at home mom is practically endless.

You grow up and can’t wait to go to college.

You go to college and can’t wait to get married.

You get married and can’t wait to have kids.

You have kids and can’t wait to… hmm… I don’t know… sleep again?

Is this it? Who have I become? Have I lost myself?

I believe we get in this quandary because we often find identity in what we do as opposed to who we are.

But that’s easy to type and hard to internalize because… well… we are what we do, aren’t we? We mother throughout the day because we’re mothers. We feed our children because we’re nourishers. We try to be the best spouse we can be because we’re wives. We try to live biblically because we’re Christians. Or whatever the case may be.

So, how can we find our own identity outside of motherhood?

1. What are your strengths?

Before children, what were your strengths?

Now, as a mother, what are your strengths?

You’ll carry the strengths you’ve always had into motherhood, and likely motherhood has introduced you to more of your strengths. However, you had plenty of strong points before you were ever a mommy. Your strengths will point you towards how you were created as a person. If you were disciplined or fun or creative or a good listener, these will give you clues as to how you can best love and serve others. Maybe it’s time to ask others what they think and then learn to take a compliment.

I believe that we are most fulfilled in life when we’re using the talents and gifts God gave us. If you dig around to find your strengths, and begin to piece a way to use those for yourself, your family, and others, you may find fulfillment and satisfaction where you were previously just trying to survive the day.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Weary To Well

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2. What are you drawn towards?

Before children, what were you drawn towards?

Now, as a mother, what are you drawn towards?

There are seasons where we are interested in specific things. Perhaps we read about parenting now that we’re parents, or perhaps we read a lot about travel before we went backpacking. But, aside from season and stage of life interests, what are the things deep down that interest you. That spike your curiosity. That you’d read about for no reason except you were just interested.

This may be history, art, psychology, biographies, language books, or anything else under the sun. I believe that what we are passionate about is no coincidence. Sure, it may not end up being an income earner for us, but that doesn’t mean God can’t use it. I’ve always been drawn towards history and mystery. For me, it means that I often dig out the meaning behind things or don’t settle for face value. I dig and root around until I get to the heart of a matter. This means that people can feel very understood and heard when they have a deep talk with me. I think, if used positively, it’s a great strength.

3. What would you do if money was no worry?

Before children, what type of “extra” did you spend your money on?

Now, as a mother, if you had some extra money lying around, what would you do with it?

Now, money is not at the heart of our identity, but what we spend our money on can help lead us to our passions. I’d always take an experience or a trip over something material. My heart loves the adventure, seeing new places, and meeting new people. I believe that’s how God made me and that He uses that about me to be able to relate to those whom others might think are difficult or odd. After you’ve lived on a few continents, you don’t think very much is odd at all!

If you had the money to give to what causes you wanted, where would you give? This might show you where your compassion lies and give you an indication of where you can spend some time and effort in the future.

4. If you could only pass on one thing to your kids, what would it be?

If I only had one child, I think I’d be a helicopter parent. With each child added to our family I’ve become less and less of a hoverer and more focused on where I put my energy. Issues of character, behavior, responsibility, and spiritual development are priorities. Anything else just doesn’t have room in my brain. From this I can see that raising little rescuers, warriors, and strong godly children is something God has given me a passion for.

Are you always exposing your children to music, languages or sports? Is one-on-one play a huge part of your day? Do you seek to make sure your children constantly feel loved and accepted? These are indications of where your strengths lie. Perhaps you’re pastoral. Maybe you’re a creativity champion. You could be able to bring out the best in people. Think of how you relate to your kids easily, and expand that into other areas of your life.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Self-Care That Sticks

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5. You won’t always be so “tied down”

There are seasons of life. Each season has with it ups and downs, priorities, and different activities that come under the “urgent” category. When children are very small, there are actually many daily things that are urgent and eat away at time you have for other things. You can’t neglect diaper changes. Children are unable to feed or clothe themselves or put themselves in the car or even in bed. You simply don’t have as much time as you will later in life.

As children get older the daily priorities will change, and while you’ll still be busy and always have things to do relating to your children emotionally, you will be freed up to use your gifts elsewhere more often. Every time you leave the house you won’t need a baby sitter. Eventually, you’ll be able to involve your kids with you as you serve others and use your gifts.

Being a mom is hard. It’s rewarding and a privilege, but it’s dang hard. It’s all consuming. You give and give and give for years and years. And, in so doing, you can lose some of what makes you you. Actually you don’t lose it, you just forget where it is. When you begin to wonder what your identity is, remember this.

Your identity isn’t what you do, it’s who you are.

And even though it may seem buried right now, and though motherhood changes us all, we’re still the same women we were before. Except, in my opinion, even better.

Read: Children aren’t in the way, they are the way

Tell me, how did God make you?

4 things confusing your kids

Being a parent is full of mysteries. Sometimes our children’s behavior is truly mystifying. And sometimes (though not always) it’s in response to our own behavior. Here are 4 ways we parents are confusing kids.

4 things parents do that are confusing their kids. Great post for mothers who are wondering about their children's behavior

We hear the phrase “children are resilient” all the time. It’s true and it’s a good thing. However, it’s also true that children are vulnerable and their security and well-being depend upon our behavior. The behavior of their parents.

No one ever has been, is, or will be a perfect parent. Nor do we need to pretend to model perfection because that only teaches our children that some image is more important than the state of the heart. However, it can’t be denied that certain qualities in parents produce certain qualities in children.

To pretend otherwise is simply unreality.

Lately life has been stressful at home and I can clearly see where my own behavior has contributed to this. When there are homefront shifts and children become confused, they will often act out in disobedience or insecurity. These behaviors are annoying and tiresome and we parents often respond in a way that completely interrupts the happy cycle.

So, let’s get to it. Here are four ways we are actually confusing our children.

1. Not doing what you say

Young children have not yet learned that some people say one thing and do another. If you say something, they expect you will do it. If you consistently say one thing and do another they become confused. Can they trust you? Should they even listen to what you say? Will you really follow through?

A child feels safe when they know what to expect. If you say one thing and follow through, they know they can trust your word. If you say one thing and do another, they never know what to expect. You can bet their behavior will reflect their lack of trust in you and your word. And you won’t like this type of behavior.

Read: Consistency matters

Boundaries & Behavior

Loving Authority

Being in charge doesn’t mean being harsh or heavy-handed—it means being steady, clear, and confident. This workshop will help you understand what healthy authority really looks like. When you know how to show up as a secure, grounded leader, your kids feel safe, and everyone starts listening.

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2. Tossing to and fro

Nothing says we have to keep to a routine that doesn’t work. Sometimes a change is as good as a vacation. But there’s a difference in being spontaneous and tossing to and fro with the waves. One’s home need not be full of rules, but if you do have house rules they should be followed consistently. If hitting, biting or kicking are forbidden on Monday they should be forbidden on Tuesday.

If you allow something one day, then yell and scream at the kids for doing it the next, they’ll be confused and anxious to upset you. Children thrive in routine and steadiness (no matter what your routine is) so constant changing leaves children confused and unable to anticipate what happens next. If you find they are not good transitioning from one thing to the next, it’s probably because they feel they are constantly surprised.

3. Intense outbursts

Lately, my patience has been tried. We’ve had big changes, weather changes, health changes, impending birth changes (for me), and the children are still adjusting. I’m tired and when I’m tired I am (this close) to having a meltdown all the time. I blame pregnancy. I probably shouldn’t.

A few times over the past few days I’ve tried to maintain my patience and calm and then, when felt tried to my limit, had an intense outburst with the kids. Sure, maybe they “deserved it.” But I’ll tell you this, it confused them. They weren’t sure how I could be calm one minute then yelling like a lunatic (into the sky) the next.

They became slightly standoffish and then kept asking, “Mommy, are you happy? Are you happy now?” Yes, I know anger and frustration are parts of life, but if we are consistently (I’m not talking a one off here) flying off the handle with the kids they will be confused, anxious, and insecure.

Read: Why you shouldn’t stuff your emotions

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.

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4. Too many cooks in the kitchen

As the holidays approach you’ll probably find there are many more people around the kids and who have an opinion on their behavior. That’s normal. We all have opinions! Kids are used to their parents disciplining them, correcting them, or giving the instructions to obey. They’re probably used to their grandparents doing this as well.

Read: Time In Vs. Time Out … and is Time Out Damaging Kids?

But just because someone is an adult does not mean that person is allowed to boss your kids around. And, just because your kids don’t listen to that person who bossed them around doesn’t mean they are rude. They are simply confused. Why should they listen to Great Aunt Ida when they barely know her? Why should they listen to the cranky lady in the grocery store when they’ve never seen her before? Answer: they shouldn’t.

If you see that people are all trying to help you parent and it’s confusing the kids, gently tell them it’s okay, you’ve got it covered. Your kids will thank you.

Which one of these do you struggle with the most?

Sources:

Birthday Girl Necklace (15 minute DIY project a 3-year-old can help do!)

My 15 minute DIY Birthday Girl Necklace is a perfect gift last minute gift (if you’ve got a craft stash) and helps introduce basic sewing skills to young ones.

A month or so ago my 3-year-old daughter was invited to a birthday hike and picnic. First of all, I think it’s awesome that instead of having a garden variety party, this outdoors mama arranged something truly different. Since we’d be doing a “bush walk” (as they call it in Australia) for 30 minutes to a beautiful overhang, picnicking, then walking 30 minutes back to the car we didn’t want to lug a heavy gift. Also, we confirmed our attendance last minute and didn’t have time to shop for a gift.

I sat down at the kitchen table and tried to put my craft hat on and immediately thought “Hey, we should make her a birthday girl necklace!” My daughter was on board because she always wants to help me sew, so we got out the materials. I will note that I didn’t include cutting fabric scraps in the “15 minutes” which, in retrospect, I should have. But all in all, including cutting the scraps, setting up the sewing machine, and giving my daughter a few simple instructions the whole thing didn’t take longer than 30 minutes set up to tear down.

Note: measures are approximate, I used my 3-year-old daughter as a guide, but this size necklace will fit most small children ages 3-6 or so.

So, the supplies you’ll need are:

2″ x 18″ piece of jersey or knit fabric
- see my yellow and white fabric above
20″ strand of pom pom yarn
- like this or this or anything you like really
1.5″ x 7″ fabric scraps
- I used 3 different types of fabric and ended up trimming them after the necklace was made to be the shape and length I preferred

Step 1

Sew the knit fabric into a ruffle. Here are some good tutorials for that. Stretchy fabric is handy here because it allows some give when the child puts the necklace on. My 3-year-old daughter helped me during this step. She sat on my lap and helped position and place the ruffle and run it through the machine. I didn’t let her do it alone, but she was quite helpful and really enjoyed sewing like her mama. Her sewing skills will probably surpass mine. By next year.

Step 2

Take the pom pom yarn and fold it in half so there are two strands. Place the ruffle and the yarn in a circle position, as shown above, and sew the ends together so you have a circle. Or more accurately an oval. But really it’s a necklace. Two strands aren’t necessary, but I found it made the bottom of the necklace more full because I was able to knot on the fabric scraps on alternating strands of yarn which gave it more body.

Step 3

Knot on the fabric scraps to the yarn alternating fabrics in whatever way you prefer. I knotted one strand at a time, alternating fabrics, then alternated the second strand and tried to fill in the visual gaps crated by the first. My daughter had a harder time tying the knots tightly here, but still helped out during the process by choosing which fabric and looping the scraps on the yarn. Technically, after this step you’re done! The necklace will be full and wearable.

Optional Step 4

A few years ago when I had more time and inclination to sew, I created personalized labels on Spoonflower. You can find out how to do that here. I thought it’d be a nice way to personalize our gift to the birthday girl so we added it to the top. My last name is Norman and my sewing creations are my inspirations so my labels say Normanspirations… I know. Horribly cheesy. I can’t help myself sometimes. Other times I don’t even try.

And there you have it! A 15 minute (or technically 30 if you include gathering supplies) DIY Birthday Girl Necklace that is a perfect gift for your child or her frou frou friend. Also, if you are looking to introduce your daughter to some basic sewing skills at a young age here are a few great posts I came across that will help get you guys started.

Printable sewing sheets to help your child practice basic sewing skills
Learning to sew buttons on cross-stitch
Toddler friendly sewing baskets (great idea)
Create a tapestry table

Do you sew? What do you sew most often?

Why everyone hates the supermom myth

The supermom myth is alive and strong and can be damaging to a mother’s mental health. We want to be organized and well, but is there a price?

Jenny has had 3 kids and still… like I’m not joking… has abs.

Veronica’s house is always spotless and I’m pretty sure she actually fluffs her pillows.

Kristen cooks out of the fancy cookbooks that don’t even use cans or jars… every.single.night.

I saw Amy wearing high heels the other day. I don’t even think she was going to a wedding.

What is it about mothers who want to be supermom?

Is there something about motherhood that causes navel-gazing? It’s like having children changes your life not only physically and practically, but mentally and emotionally as well. But what’s navel gazing, anyway?

Navel-gazing (n): self-indulgent or excessive contemplation of oneself or a single issue, at the expense of a wider view. (source)

I have a theory about why motherhood causes excessive navel-gazing (read my other theory about why you are a tired mom). I think it’s because it’s perhaps the only life event that makes a desire to be “perfect” seem necessary, right, and justifiable. Because after all, it’s for the children.

So what is a supermom, anyway?

A supermom is a mother who has it all together. The woman who looks good and cooks good. Her kids always behave and have impeccable manners.

Her husband is respected at the gates and she stays up late making coverings for her bed and purple linen gowns. Or something like that.

Just look at her resume for the stay at home mom.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

13-18, 6-12

Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

Taking care of your mental health shouldn’t feel like another chore. This workshop shows you how to build simple, sustainable routines that support your well-being and your kid’s emotional health—without the stress or overthinking.

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Is she so “on top of things” that we feel inadequate?

But really, a supermom (in our eyes) is any other woman whose lifestyle and choices makes us feel inadequate. This is actually both bad news and good news.

The bad news is that there will always be others who outperform us. The good news, I suppose, is that we will always outperform others.

In a sense, it should all average out.

But it doesn’t. Why? Because these little people we’ve been entrusted with mean the world to us. They are worthy of our best effort, our hardest work, and all that we have to offer.

We love them so much, in fact, that we think they deserve the best that anyone has to offer.

We want to be the best mothers ever for our kids!

Suddenly previously unattainable qualities we never worried about become sources of discomfort and envy.

We begin to worry that our children will grow up stunted and lacking in that which other children have. It no longer seems silly to strive to be the very best at everything. All the time. After all, our kids deserve it.

Still… here are some reasons the Super Hero Mother myth hurts us

…we don’t want to feel less than the best.

… and we don’t want our kids to have less than the best.

…plus we erroneously think we can be the best.

…we don’t get that it’s impossible to have every aspect of life under control all the time. Ever.

Genetics are non-negotiable

At 40 weeks and 5 days some women don’t even look pregnant. Their mothers and grandmothers probably didn’t either. They have a baby and wear their size 4 jeans home from the hospital.

You know what? Good for them! You know what else? That ain’t everyone’s normal! That’s okay. You may have put on some extra weight during your pregnancies and have yet to lose it.

If it bothers you then that’s something you’ll have to navigate on your own through diet, exercise, or acceptance.

But, as my father-in-law told me with my first pregnancy, “You may have to find a new normal.“

We can keep healthy habits and let the rest go

Sometimes our genetics put us at a distinct advantage as mothers, and sometimes they don’t. Those who are naturally self-motivated, self-confident and industrious will likely be seen to “have it all together.”

It doesn’t mean they do, but they may surely give off that impression. Just because you don’t feel naturally inclined to do – or not do – certain things doesn’t mean you are not a good mother.

You cannot change who God made you to be, you can only change your habits and practices. Don’t think you are sub-par if things come as a struggle to you.

Ask someone else to tell you your strengths, and learn to take a compliment.

Different people value different things in different seasons

A clean house may be a priority for some women because they aren’t able to function well in a mess. It doesn’t mean they are looking down their nose at you or that your children are going to need counselling when they are 30. It just means it’s a priority for her.

You may go to her house and feel instantly self-conscious about your own humble abode, but stop with the mommy guilt! So her house is clean and yours isn’t? Maybe you use that time playing with your children, doing crafts or activities or reading books.

Maybe the other mom finds it a struggle to relax and just be with her kids because the state of the home bugs her.

It’s okay if you evaluate your own family’s priorities and act accordingly. That will mean that others do things better than you in some areas, and in some areas you do better than others.

That’s life. That’s okay. That doesn’t mean you are a failure nor does it mean you’re superior to others. And what’s the point of comparing anyway?

There are times and seasons for everything under the sun and being able to embrace your season is truly a gift you can give yourself and your family.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Weary To Well

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3. You don’t know the struggles of others

If you grab on to one thing from this post today let it be this: we do not know what others are going through just by looking at them. They might say the right things, do the right things, have immaculately dressed children who are obedient and genius-like. And they might cry themselves to sleep every night. We simply can’t judge a mom by her performance alone because she’s more than what she does for her kids or how well she keeps her house.

We often put women on pedestals, or drag women off pedestals, based on how well we think they perform in certain areas. But just like social media, what we see of a woman is only snips and snapshots. We don’t know what she’s going through emotionally, mentally or financially. Some women we may spend time comparing ourselves with may feel they are wholly inadequate themselves.

4. Your kids don’t care

Your children love you. They love you because you are their mother and they were created to love and desire to be loved by you. They don’t need you to obsess over your body, the menu, smudged windows or how cute their clothes are. Your daughter doesn’t care if you don’t dress as cute as your friends or if you are carrying an extra 10 pounds. In fact, she probably didn’t even know you were fat.

Your kids want your time, attention, acceptance, and support. They want to know you’ll fight for them and their future. They want to know you care more about them than how many mommy’s groups you go to or how many charity committees you chair. Sure, they need to see you being active and giving towards others. Of course you want to set an example. But don’t waste your time trying to be someone you are not, when your kids already think you are a super mom.

So… is it okay to not strive to be a “supermom?”

It’s okay not to try to be like a supermom because supermoms don’t actually exist.

There are things you do super well. There are things I do super well. There are things we both do poorly. There’s no point in resenting another woman for doing something better than you. She doesn’t care. Anyway, she’s probably too busy resenting her neighbor to notice.

Do you fall into the trap of wanting to be a “supermom”? What are your thoughts?

PS – The images and mom titles I created were meant only for fun and basically represent mothers I envy in certain areas. So please don’t be offended by them because if anything they are about my own insecurities, not you!! I actually do encourage having a good body image during pregnancy, maintaining an orderly home, and spending individual time with your children.

10 gifts for your little adventurers

The great outdoors have so much to offer our little ones. From the opportunity to use their imagination to discovery and adventure! Here are some ideas for gifts for young explorers in your family!

Post contains affiliate links.

I think we all hope our children will love being outside. Even though the TV isn’t the devil and it’s nice to snuggle up and read books when the weather is colder, there’s something the outdoors can offer us that indoors can’t. Wide open spaces, a sense of adventure, and opportunity to explore our environment.

I grew up in the country and have a soft spot for greenery and wide open spaces. Whether you’re in the mountains, valleys or suburbs I hope some of these gifts will help spark your imagination and creativity as you shop for the little explorers in your life.

#1. Melissa and Doug Backyard Explorer Role Play Set. The kit is great for exploring, using your imagination, role play and learning about nature.

#2. Discovery Kids Outdoor Adventure Insect Collector. This kit includes a collecting pot, tongs, net, nozzles, and collector.

#3. Carson AdventurePak . Pack containing binoculars, compass, flashlight, whistle and thermometer.

#4. National Geographic Kids Adventure Pack. This belt holds all the necessary exploring equipment for the young backyard explorer including a compass, flashlight, and canteen.

#5. Uncle Milton National Geographic Outdoor Explorer’s Pack. Pack includes expedition shoe lights, 4-in-1 explorer navigation tool, and a 3-in-1 expedition magnifier.

#1. Gamecraft Safety Guard Scooters. Swivel scooters (lots of great reviews here).

#2. Outdoor Bow Archery Set. Compound bow set for introducing archery to children.

#3. Toy Monster Monkey Bars Tower. Durable interlocking tubes and carries max weight of 150 pounds.

#4. Backyard Glow Darts. Great for evening barbecues, tailgates, or outdoor events. Solar charged.

#5. Flexible Flyer Snowblock. Snow block maker ideal for constructing igloos and forts.

I hope some of these things have spurred on your imagination so you can give your little adventurers some great times outdoors. Toys that allow children to use their imagination seem to have a longer shelf life in our home, and anything that gets them away from the screen for hours is golden in my book!

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Toddler Tantrums – 4 Reasons They Aren’t A Bad Sign

Toddler tantrums are things of myth. All your 1, 2, and 3 year olds may have tantrums and meltdown from time to time, here’s how to respond.

The first time my oldest ever threw a tantrum was when we had company over. For Thanksgiving dinner. It was short-lived and all was well by the time the turkey came out, but it was a good initiation into the toddler years.

Instead of realizing that tantrums are developmentally normal and responding calmly and with intention, we mothers often go into panic mode. We attempt anything and everything to make them stop. .

We see a tantrum and think that we – obviously – are doing something very wrong in our parenting.

4 ways tantrums in toddlers can be a good thing

Reasons some toddler tantrums are a sign you’re doing something right

I don’t buy it. Sure tantrums aren’t fun and nobody likes to witness a screaming child throw down in Wal-Mart.

But it isn’t the tantrum that matters nearly as much as our response to the tantrum. Here are four ways I think tantrums are actually a good thing.

1. Crying and meltdowns often mean you’ve set a boundary

If your child never fusses, argues or fights your decisions it means you are giving in to their every desire. In other words, you’re being too easy if your toddler never throws a tantrum.

No you can’t run across the road without me.

No, in fact, it’s not good to eat 3 brownies right before dinner.

I’m truly sorry, but going to church naked is just not okay.

The fact that your child is Throwing a Tantrum can often mean you’ve put a boundary in place and are sticking to it. That’s a good sign. Do we want to deprive our children and say no all the time? Of course not.

The goal is never to say no for no’s sake. But on occasion we must risk making our children angry because we know what’s best for them.

Read: Boundaries And Limits – The Key To Sanity In Parenting

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Start Now

2. It may mean toddlers are testing the boundaries

Children will push the envelope and test your resolve. It isn’t that they just want to know what you’re made of, but they want to know if you mean what you say. They want to know if they can believe you and trust you. Why?

Because if you carry through on your “no” you’ll carry through with your “yes.”

There is great comfort in being in relationship with a person who is transparent and full of integrity. Their yes’s are yes and their no’s are no. Kids feel safe within boundaries.

Read: What’s Really Happening When Your Child Is Defiant

The boundary phenomenon in school aged kids

I read a book recently that told an interesting story of a playground with a fence. When the fence was up the children would hover around the perimeter in groups talking and playing.

The administrators decided to remove the fence so the kids would feel more free, and do you know what happened? The playground shrank as a result. They did not venture out nearly as far as they had when there was a boundary present.

They weren’t sure how close they could get to the road or not, so they stayed nearer to the building. It may seem counterintuitive, but boundaries are freeing.

Read: A Surprising Reason Your Kids Are Insecure

3. It gives opportunity to train your children how to handle their emotions

I am a big proponent of training our children how to release their emotion in healthy ways. There’s no better time than a tantrum (or the lead up to a tantrum) to help our kids learn how to channel their frustrations.

While I certainly don’t think our kids need to be given free rein to lose it and make the rest of us suffer, it’s paramount that our reactions train our children not to stifle their emotions. I talk all about that in these posts below.

Boundaries & Behavior

Loving Authority

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4. It gives opportunity to show love after conflict

While discipline and boundaries are important, they should always be done over a foundation of love. We love our children because they are our children, not because of their behavior.

Their position as a member of our family makes them worthy of our love and respect, regardless of whether they’ve thrown my cell phone into the toilet, and proceeded to throw a tantrum because they lost TV privileges.

If you set a boundary and they respond with an angry emotional outburst, when the dust is cleared you’re all set up for a demonstration of your love.

After the toddler meltdowns, you can do this…

Now, I’m not saying you’re going to love your toddler’s tantrums, but you may end up loving this part!

When the consequence or tantrum is over, they are still your beloved child. Hugs, kisses, conversation and life can go on as normal. There’s no need to drag it out, give the silent treatment or cause them to live in fear of punishment in some misguided effort to scare them into obedience.

When kids know your love is a sure thing, they are less motivated to use negative attention seeking behaviors to get a little attention.

So… next time you witness some killer toddler tantrums because you held up a boundary you can smile. You can smile knowing:

you are doing your job;
they will thank you for it later;
they are not emotionally repressed;
and you can give endless comfort cuddles!

Joy comes from the inside (but not the inside of a package)

What is joy?

Joy is defined as a deep feeling or condition of happiness or contentment. Another definition says joy is something causing a feeling of happiness. In other words, joy isn’t the happiness, joy is what causes happiness. Joy is not always feeling happy and pretending life is grand when it stinks. Joy isn’t ignoring life’s hardships, sufferings or trials and tests. Joy is simply something that lives deep within us (planted by God, a fruit of the Spirit) regardless of these things.

1. What (or who) is your source of life?

It can be so easy – in fact it’s probably natural – to seek joy in people or things. Someone makes you happy. Having nice things makes you feel comfortable. This is natural since we are human beings. But if our source of joy is other people, we will flounder to and fro. If our joy relies on the economy or our bank accounts, we are always at the mercy of factors outside our control.

I’ve been having a rough time of it lately, and I often think on this idea. Where does my joy come from? Who do I hope in? If I only hope in what I can do for myself I’m left feeling helpless. Yes, I’m a capable person. But there are times in life when we are not able to do bring ourselves joy. This is why it’s so important we have a fountain inside.

Read These While You’re At It

The Magic (And Danger) Of A Mother’s Inner Voice

3 Reasons You Should (And Shouldn’t) Go to Church Every Sunday

parenting truths from mary poppins feature

4 Parenting Truths I Learned From Mary Poppins 25 Ways Moms Show Love To Their Kids – Without Even Trying

2. Can you rely on it during hard times?

John 16:33 tells us that trouble will come our way. Although it does seem to happen on occasion (I’m told) we can’t anticipate a long-term smooth ride. Because of that we need joy and faith to fall back on. For some people the holidays are a tough time. The worst time of year, even. It can be a reminder of loss, loneliness, and pain. Can you identify the thing that most brings you security and comfort?

Personally, I want to say that it’s God 100%, but that’d be a lie. While I do have abiding hope and faith in Him, I often look to other situations and people to help me feel okay. To help me feel happy. While other people and things surely do have a role to play in our own happiness and contentment, our abiding sense of “okay-ness” must be deeper than that.

Finding God in the Little Things

3. Is it focused on others in a good way?

The holiday season is a great time to think not only about your own family, but about others. About those who may not have a wellspring of joy. Those who are going through a Christmas after a death. Those without family, friends or loved ones near them. Or at all. Though it seems counterintuitive, joy is often found more in what we can do for others. I love getting something I’ve been waiting for, but it’s a totally different type of joy than the one that comes from doing something eternal and significant for someone else.

Being an encouragement when they are down. Providing a need when they are unable to do so themselves. If we see joy as something that comes to us as a result of our circumstances, our moods will change with the tides.

Read These While You’re At It

finding time for God in the busyness of life

Finding time for God as a busy mother (and if it’s possible without waking up at 5am)When Overwhelm Looks Like Selfishness – How To Respond

When You Think You’re “Just” a Stay-at-Home-Mom, Remember This…

4. How to strike a balance

Even though we won’t find lasting joy in things, we can still use things, people and circumstances to bring joy to others. Acts of service to others and gifts aren’t just superficial. A gift can show someone that you were thinking about them. A gift shows you are willing to take the time and energy to do something specifically for them. In fact, gifts are even a love language, so they are obviously powerful.

So while it’s not a great idea to find our source of joy only in what others do for us, we can surely find joy in giving to others. To that end, today on the blog we are doing a massive giveaway of over $1800 in prizes. Stuff for kids, friends, women, and men. If you win this you could bless many many people this season! You could wipe out half the people on your Christmas list in one go 🙂

See below for chances to enter!

Training our children in Faith vs. Fear

Follow Becca Eby ~ Bare Feet on the Dashboard’s board Festive Family Holiday on Pinterest.
Sharing the Joy of the Season from Festive Family Bloggers

Five Ways to Simplify the Holiday Season from Bare Feet on the Dashboard

Charitable Act: Shoeboxes Filled with Presents from La Cité des Vents

Joyful Christmas Crafts for Kids from Handmade Kids Art

Give a Little Bit from Gypsy Road School

Joy Comes from the Inside… But Not of a Package from A Mother Far from Home

Welcome to the Festive Family Holiday Giveaway from Peace but Not Quiet

Sharing Joy & a Giveaway from P is for Preschooler

Share Some Joy this Holiday Season from Are We There Yet?

Thankful Turkey Wreath Tradition from Mom Inspired Life

Christmas Sensory Play Ideas for Kids from Still Playing School

Unique Kits for Kids that Foster Creativity from Lemon Lime Adventures

Holiday Tradition Ideas for Families from Sugar Aunts

Gratitude Stones: A Thanksgiving Nature Craft for Kids from Fireflies and Mudpies

Montessori Monday – Montessori Inspired Thanksgiving Ideas from Living Montessori Now

Finding Joy in the Holidays Even During Difficult Times from ALLterNATIVElearning

Christmas Shadow Puppets Play from Adventure in a Box

Sharing Joy through a Holiday Giveaway from Kids Yoga Stories

Family Thankfulness Jar from The Realistic Mama

Gratitude and Thanksgiving Books for Preschoolers from Totschooling

Festive Family Holiday from In the Playroom

Free Nativity Puppets from A Happy & Blessed Home

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Why Routines Are Not Just For “Type A Moms”

Inside: Many say routines only work for Type A moms, but that isn’t the case. Routines are great even for the laid back mom.

I often hear people say that only structured Type-A moms have good routines at home. It’s usually not said in judgment, but stated as a fact.

As though mothers who are naturally more relaxed and easy going couldn’t cope with a routine or do it well.

I think it’s a myth that’s been perpetuated long enough!

Whether you are a spontaneous fun-loving mom or prefer a more predictable daily rhythm (like I do) you can still enjoy the benefits of a good routine.

But before we get ahead of ourselves…

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Family Tidy Routines

This workshop will help you build a simple 15-minute daily routine that fits into real life—so the house stays (mostly) clean and the kids finally learn to help. Because a clean home is a team effort, not a one-mom show.

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What do I mean by routine?

Routine can mean:

regularity and consistency within your day
a series of “one thing happens before another” actions
using the clock as a guide (whether general or specific) for the day’s activities

Routine need not mean:

letting the clock be your master
always doing the same things every day
throwing spontaneity out the window

What routine looks like

Tsh from The Art of Simple wrote a post a while ago called Routine Isn’t a Dirty Word. You don’t have to create a set of rigid actions you must do before 9 a.m. and line everyone up assembly style to make them happen.

Routine can simply be patterns, rhythms, and good habits that already exist during your day. Even the most laid back mom will have certain things she likes done at certain times throughout the day. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s great!

It is often these habits that help us go on auto-pilot when we need to save our brainpower.

Benefits of a routine

The benefits of routine are widely documented and accepted. In fact, many successful businessmen and entrepreneurs will go so far as to say that eating the same exact thing every morning for breakfast is part of their routine. Why? They want to save all their decision-making bandwidth for more important daily tasks.

Routines are beneficial for children because they:

give a sense of security and stability
help develop self-discipline
eliminate power battles
breed cooperation (children like to do what’s next when they know what it is)
help the family find a good sleep rhythm

Read: My “Daily Escape” to a Quiet Place & Why It’s Necessary

Important part of the routine

One of the most important reasons your family needs a routine is so sleep patterns and habits can be developed. Children who are tired are more irritable, less able to concentrate, and more emotionally “all over the place.”

Establishing pre-naptime habits will help children go naturally to nap. Establishing bedtime routines will increase cooperation at bedtime.

The goal is not to work against your kids, but to find a rhythm that helps meet everyone’s needs.

printable routine cards for toddlers and preschoolers

Type A or B? And who cares, anyway?

I’m going to admit it. In fact, there’s no denying it. I’m Type A. It is what it is and that’s how the cookie crumbles over here. One of my posts said something to the effect of “Type A moms love routine, schedules, and putting into place good sleep habits” and then I got an email from a reader.

One that oh-so-lovingly told me that Type A’s don’t have the monopoly on routines and rhythms. It was such a great email I asked her if I could share it.

If you think you are destined to ride the waves of whatever tide your kids take you on simply because you have a go-with-the-flow personality, be encouraged.

You can find a good rhythm that brings consistency and security to the kids, even if you aren’t a naturally structured person. (Note: subheadings below are mine, quotes in italics are from a reader)

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Weary To Well

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Is it cultural?

In the United States, there’s this persistent idea that sleep training, and scheduling is a real “Type A Mom” kind of thing. The moms that need to be in charge force their poor offspring to comply with a schedule that suits them (the moms, of course) best.

This used to puzzle me. I am FAR from a type A person – ask anyone that knows me. Then why did I naturally gravitate towards a schedule when I had my first baby?

The other day, I checked a book out of the library titled “Sleepless in America*” (Mary Sheedy Kurcinka) and it helped me to understand. You see, I was born in the Netherlands. And this book is sprinkled with facts the Dutch believe about sleep.

“In Holland, only 9% of babies are considered “fussy”. In the United States, that number is 19%. The difference, many believe, is in the routine. Dutch families begin a routine from day one. It lowers stress hormones for the mom, and, as a result, for the babies as well.” (p 258).

“While conducting her study with Dutch families, Sara Harkness from the University of Connecticut told me: “Watching the infants, I noticed that when they began to fuss I assumed they were bored and would have offered something to stimulate them. The Dutch parents, however, interpreted it as fatigue and put them to bed. The babies slept.

Dutch toddlers sleep an average of two hours a day more than children in the United States.” (p 239).

Does it just come naturally?

My mom (also not type A) had all of us on a routine from birth. No strict and rigid schedule straight from a book – just a common sense routine that, well, made sense. She just went with the rule her own mother had taught her about babies – Rust, Reinheid, Regelmaat. (Peace, Cleanliness, Rhythm/routine).

It just seemed to make perfect sense – babies need peace, they need an uncluttered and clean environment, and they need a routine just like adults do.

What if someone decided for you that tonight you’re not sleeping from 11 pm-7 am but rather from 3 am-11 am? How would you feel?

Exactly… it makes sense, doesn’t it? I don’t think we had ever even questioned this, or the fact that all children under 10 are in bed by 7:30 pm, and that no little children are ever out at night…. all those things were just normal life for us until we moved to the USA.

My mom was shocked to the point of indignant to see toddlers still up and in Walmart at 10 pm… babies in church when they should be napping… or little children napping on the go.

Opponents of routines and sleep training say…

So often, opponents of [insert sleep training method] will say things about “other cultures” where people don’t sleep train at all and children are never fussy. Um? After a couple years in the US, I moved to Africa. I was involved in mission work in a remote village in West Africa.

The point I want to make is that you can NOT compare our American lives with those in a third world country.

True, they don’t “go by the clock” and they don’t sleep train. But life is ever so much more child friendly and they most certainly DO have a routine going. In the village where I lived (close to the equator) it always got light at 6 am and dark at 6 pm.

There was no electricity, so after dark, it just was natural for kids to go to sleep. There are no bright lights, electric toys or TVs to overstimulate a baby. Their life was a lovely rhythm of taking a nap under a tree in the farm, then snoozing on their mom’s back wrapped in a cloth, and a long, calm and quiet night.

You just cannot compare our lives of endless errands, obligations, gadgets, and happenings with that sort of life. So, we are going to have to do some purposeful things to make sure our babies get their rest.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

No Nag Chore Routines

Getting kids to do chores shouldn’t be a daily battle. Let me help you build a simple, age-appropriate system that teaches independence, teamwork, and responsibility—without constant micromanaging. Because a well-run home isn’t about doing it all yourself.

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My thoughts

My favorite point Elisabeth made was that in other countries and in the past, life was slower and more conducive to an everyday routine that rarely changed.

Children and parents benefitted from this routine naturally. In our society today everything and everyone is so busy that you have to be purposeful to have a good routine. Being purposeful can seem to those decidedly Type B that you’re “forcing” something. But that’s because you are.

And that’s because you have to or it just won’t happen.

*affiliate link which means if you purchase the book, at no extra cost to you, I will receive a small commission from Amazon

Christmas Shopping Tips When You’re Far from Loved Ones

If you’ve moved away from loved ones or are a military family, you know Christmas shopping is a challenge. We all want to buy presents, but the post office bill can really rack up! Here are some Christmas shopping tips to help:

If you have family and friends scattered near and far then it’s important to be organized about Christmas shopping.

From someone who lives far from home (read my story here) here are some tips on Christmas shopping when you’re far from loved ones.

Tips for Christmas shopping when you are far from family and loved ones #Christmas #shopping

1. Technology is your friend

Online shopping is by far the easiest route when buying presents for friends and family far away. Why?

You can ship directly to them without having to box it up and pay the extra fees on your end. Many online stores will even wrap your present with a gift message to be sent to the recipient.

This is convenient, more economical, and does not limit what you want to send since it will ship directly from the supplier.

Here are some great sites where you can find something for most people on your life.

2. Family VRS. Individual

When you live down the road (or a town away) from loved ones you can stuff the car full and drive over with gifts. When you’re not, it’s time to start thinking smarter.

If you have a large family you could spend thousands of dollars and hours wrapping presents, then packing the boxes that the boxes go in, and then lining up at the post office to mail them.

Instead of including a present for each person, think about how you can bless the entire family unit as a whole. You might be able to give one gift instead of 5 multiple ones, and this may even spark your creativity. Which leads me to my next point…

3. Experiences that don’t fit in boxes

Instead of buying 5 physical gifts for a family of 5, why not give them one gift they can use together?

If the family is taking a vacation in the next year to Disney World, you could give them gift certificates or vouchers for local attractions. Additionally, gift certificates to restaurants or local theme parks are nice ideas because the entire family can enjoy them.

If you are particularly close to the family you’ll know their likes, habits, and interests. Groupon is a great site to find experiences for families from things like kite surfing to white water rafting.

Be careful not to choose something too off the wall because you don’t want the gift to remain unused, but if you really know what your friends and fan love, it could be a big hit!

Our Christmas Decorating Traditions

4. Bulk ship

My mother lives in the same area with most of my family. Miles and miles away. Tear. I will often ship things to her house since she’s willing to throw it into Christmas bags and put a name on it for me.

It is more work for her, but less work in general. If you buy individual gifts for families and friends in one area, why not ship them to one family member’s home in that area and ask them to distribute your gifts for you.

Family is likely to be together on Christmas anyway.

5. Scale back

We have no family (at all) near us, and there are tons of people we want to buy for all over the world. But unfortunately during this season it’s not possible for us to go all out and buy for everyone we love. Shipping overseas is no joke!

Sending a nice personalized card with a gift card, or small handmade item still communicates thought and love, you don’t necessarily have to buy a big present to show you care.

6. Save it for later

If you won’t see your family or friends during the holidays, but will in the months afterwards, think about sending a card in lieu of a gift, and doing something special together when you are near. You could take the family out to dinner or the movies, or to see a show.

Christmas is a special time, but the reason for the season is not racking up on gifts!

7. Start early

Some years (mostly the years I’m not pregnant… which is a distant memory) I’ve been known to finish Christmas shopping earlier in the year. This always makes the season more enjoyable because it becomes a time of togetherness and celebration as opposed to manic shopping and to-do lists.

Christmas shopping early helps spread out the expenses, prevents over-spending, helps you stay organized, and takes a lot of pressure of the holiday season.

Surprising ways being a mom changes you

We all know that having babies makes our lives different. Less time to ourselves and more hours spent taking care of a baby’s practical needs. Our bodies shift up or down, and our stomach muscles even separate. But what’s been most interesting to me is not the changes I expected, but the ones I didn’t. The way motherhood has changed me from the inside out without any effort on my own part. Just the natural way of things.

You can just look at my resume for the stay at home mom to see how I’ve changed, but here’s even more ways.

1. I grew up

I am a “lonely only” so, I’ll admit, I was always a tad more mature for my age. An old soul, they say. Even so, motherhood has made me grow up more than any other event in my life. “Today I’d like to do x…” oh well. Forget about it. “But I don’t feel like waking up today.” Yeah well, get over it. Of course we still need to look after our own sanity and mental health, but we mothers are often forced to put aside the immature desires by sheer necessity. And the beauty of this is that, day after day, many immature wants and desires simply fall away to make room for what really matters.

2. The intangibles of life matter more

I don’t think I’ve ever been a terribly superficial person, but even less so as a mother. Children are truly a gift and motherhood is a privilege to me, and in light of that many material and superficial things I once focused on now simply have no place in my life. Or if they do, it’s a very small place in comparison. I’ll shop if I need clothes, but am not wardrobe obsessed. I’ll buy something pretty if I want it, but the pursuit of possessions doesn’t consume my thoughts. Being a mother has a way of showing you the truly important things in life, and most of those can’t be bought.

See: Why having material things isn’t the same as materialism

3. My #1 thought isn’t about having a good time

A few weeks ago my friends took me out for surprise birthday desserts and drinks. It was such a special night and I felt very loved! On the way back to our cars we had to pass through the pub/club portion of the place and we all had a good laugh about how our night life was now non-existent. Ten years ago (or even 5 years ago) we might have gone out every Friday or Saturday night. At the forefront of our minds was having a good time or being out and about.

Now, I still love a nice night out, a weekend away, or a fun concert. But my mindset is no longer one of “working for the weekend,” where the goal is to have a good time. Fridays and Saturdays may pass with nothing more exciting than a trip to the park or playground. And honestly, that’s okay with me right now.

4. Focus becomes longer-term

Youthful immaturity (a phase no one skips, mind you) often focuses on the short-term. Instant gratification, immediate results, finding happiness and satisfaction now. The average 20-year-old isn’t thinking of long-term investments or settling down. Motherhood has a way of bringing out the nurture and caring instinct that looks past today into the future.

We make decisions for the benefit of our children’s futures. We often make them unhappy now because we know it’s for their own good. We save for college. We sacrifice things for them when appropriate. Without even meaning to, we see today in light of our children’s futures, and we try to help nurture and care for them so they have lifelong fruit. And we sacrifice many things in the short-term for the long-term benefit of our family.

Read These While You’re At It

Finding time for God as a busy mother (and if it’s possible without waking up at 5am)

how parenting has changed in the past century

Parenting shifts in the past century

How you know you’re a good mother

5. It’s no longer about being “seen”

I can’t say I’ve ever been a flashy or trendy dresser, but I was still a young lady. I still wanted to see and be seen. Oh the teenage years! Oh the early twenties! Why stay in when you can go out? When you would get all fancy schmancy even if you were only going to a girlfriend’s house. Because maybe, just maybe, that’d somehow turn into an opportunity to be seen. Now I’ll do my hair or wear makeup if the bags under my eyes scare me. I still try to look put together, but I don’t do it because I want to be “seen.” I do it because it’s just something you do as a grown up. Mothers don’t adopt the yoga pants uniform because they think it’s the hot Fall/Winter 2015 style. They do it for comfort.

There are so so many ways motherhood changes us. I didn’t even mention body changes because that’s a whole other can of worms. Even though I feel so different from the Rachel of 4 years ago, I like the changes motherhood has brought out in me. I like thinking of others before myself. I like feeling the protective instinct because it reminds me God has given me little ones to protect. He didn’t have to.

What surprising ways has motherhood changed you?

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And then we have more children….

Here’s my secret to less stress….

Do you only have one child and feel very stressed?

Tips for people with multiple children close in age

Why having more kids can make you less stressed

Self-Care Routine Tracker

The real way to be more at peace as a mom

For nursing

For mommy

For baby

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

What is it about mothers who want to be supermom?

So what is a supermom, anyway?

Is she so “on top of things” that we feel inadequate?

We want to be the best mothers ever for our kids!

Still… here are some reasons the Super Hero Mother myth hurts us

Genetics are non-negotiable

We can keep healthy habits and let the rest go

Bedtime Brain Release Sheet

Different people value different things in different seasons

So… is it okay to not strive to be a “supermom?”

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Reasons some toddler tantrums are a sign you’re doing something right

1. Crying and meltdowns often mean you’ve set a boundary

2. It may mean toddlers are testing the boundaries

The boundary phenomenon in school aged kids

3. It gives opportunity to train your children how to handle their emotions

4. It gives opportunity to show love after conflict

After the toddler meltdowns, you can do this…

What do I mean by routine?

Routine can mean:

Routine need not mean:

Self-Care Routine Tracker

What routine looks like

Benefits of a routine

Routines are beneficial for children because they:

Routines to Cut The Crazy

Important part of the routine

Type A or B? And who cares, anyway?

Is it cultural?

Does it just come naturally?

Opponents of routines and sleep training say…

My thoughts

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

101+ 15 Minute Projects

1. Technology is your friend

2. Family VRS. Individual

3. Experiences that don’t fit in boxes

4. Bulk ship

5. Scale back

6. Save it for later

50+ Connection Questions

7. Start early

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet