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Instead of feeling supported and encouraged by other mothers, we often feel judged, criticized and looked down upon for our choices. Instead of realizing that variety is the spice of life and differences make the world go round, we often think others should do exactly what we do. Giving advice, sharing experiences and comparing results is actually a joy and privilege we mothers have! However, when it turns to negative criticism and judgment we often alienate – or feel alienated – and that makes motherhood so much harder.

Mothers already have guilt as a constant companion and tend to judge ourselves against an unreasonably high bar. If we only share the highlights and never share the lowlights – or conversely only compare our lowlights to others’ highlights – then we are left feeling discouraged and like we don’t measure up.

I think that being a mother is the best thing in the entire world and I think that we mothers need to encourage other mothers. Those with wisdom need to share it with those seeking answers. Those who are hitting their heads against the wall looking for a solution need to ask those who are willing to offer some help and solutions. And, sometimes, we just need shoulders to cry on. Sometimes we just need someone to say “you are a good parent.” I believe that we should see it as a privilege and responsibility to be an encouragement to the other mothers around us. At times when I’ve thought I was going to crack it, a kind word of encouragement or someone saying a compliment about myself or my children was just what I needed to keep going.

How and why we can encourage one another.

Why is Christian education for our children so important? Here’s why stories and history and love of a good book bless our kids.

I blame J.R.R. Tolkien for my love of dragon tales, but I’ll begin by quoting his good mate, C.S. Lewis, who knew quite well how to tell a dragon tale of his own.

He begins one of my favorites, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader,  with this clever line, “There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.”  Lewis tells us the boy “liked animals, especially beetles, if they were dead and pinned on a card. He liked books if they were books of information and had pictures of grain elevators or of fat foreign children doing exercises in model schools.”

His school used well-researched methods and the most modern books; it certainly would have had the most advanced technology of the day and may even have had a new building (which we all know directly correlates with excellent learning and guaranteed future success for every child within its freshly painted walls).

His learning concerned itself with facts for practical use – and nothing more. He had no use for stories. He had not read Beowulf, Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, King Arthur or Sir George and the Dragon – all excellent dragon tales- and most seriously, he had never read the books of Genesis or Revelation (a dragon tale of another rank).

As a direct result, poor Eustace found himself in need of a rescuer and was not able to play the role of the rescuer himself, for he “had read none of the right books,” a crime which had rendered him defenseless in the face of a real dragon. Eustace was a boy unlucky enough to have received a modern education. He may have been well-prepared for employment but ill-prepared for adventure.

Why bother educating our children?

“But what do children’s stories have to do with raising a godly child?” you may wonder. And while I encourage your wondering and hate to interrupt it, I’m going to politely request we step back for a moment from the question of “How?” and deal first with the question of “Why?” because I suspect understanding the Why will lead us very quickly to the How. 

I’ve recently finished reading a Christian fiction series, and a line at the end of the book spoke to me. A husband and wife were speaking about passing their faith on to their children and the father said:

“Ye don’t just pass on faith. Ye have to pass on a desire fer ’em to find a faith of their own.” 

Clearly I like frontier books. Anyway, I was truly impacted by his statement and realized just how true it is. We can raise our children forcing them into church and forcing them into family devotion and praying over them at bedtime, but if they don’t desire to have a faith of their own then as soon as they’re out of our house the jig is up. I know this is not entirely up to us, and we are only able to do our part. God must also draw near to our children and they must respond to Him.

I do think there are some ways, however, that we can whet our children’s spiritual appetite. Sort of like leading a horse to water. They may not drink, but they’re far more likely to drink if their snout is a foot away from the water. Here are some thoughts. 

The danger of “religion”

Ever since I heard the song from years back called Audience of One, it’s hit me that ultimately we are accountable to God and God alone. That’s not to say we don’t have earthly responsibilities, obligations and duties towards those around and those we love. However, why we do what we do and how we do what we do isn’t really anyone else’s business. I guess what I’m trying to say is… we care way too much about what others think of us.

I’ve recently been challenged to question why I find it hard to shrug off the comments, criticisms and opinions of others. A few of my friends are going through a similar time of questioning, and it has me thinking. Of course our reputation is important. Of course our integrity and honor are things we guard and value, but ultimately, we aim to be the women we aim to be to please God, not man.

In parenting, looking to others for validation can have devastating effects on our self-esteem and confidence in our abilities to mother. We won’t always do things like other people. We may do things very differently than other people. Some toddlers may go to bed at 9:30pm so they have two hours with their father who works late. We may put our kids into childcare even if we don’t need to work financially. We may see other mothers crying buckets of tears as they leave their child in Kindergarten on the first day of school and feel guilty that we are feeling freedom instead of sorrow. All mothers are different and the burden of comparison is crushing. Let’s think of how we, as mothers, can try to avoid this trap of caring too much what others think.

There is a great verse in Proverbs that says this, “A good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children” (Proverbs 13:22). In its Hebrew form, it means very literally what it says. An inheritance being possessions, endowments, and allotments. It isn’t metaphorical or allegorical either. However, I’m going to go a little metaphorical here since it’s a Wednesday.

When I was at bible school a few years ago we had a speaker who spoke about a character school they ran. The goal of their school was to test, train and equip in a way that brought out and refined the godly character of the students. They were required to do a lot, to be put through a lot, and to evaluate their own responses and habits in order to weed out some ungodly character flaws. The leader of the school also spoke to us on godly inheritance.

He is from South Africa, though he lives in the UK, and still has family in South Africa. When his children were born he bought them each a few head of cattle to be kept in South Africa by his father. The years went by and the number of cattle continues to grow. Their plan is that when each of the children turn 18 they can use this inheritance to put a down payment on a house. It is not a lofty goal, but one that requires forethought.

While he spoke of an inheritance financially, there are other types of inheritances we leave with our children and then our children’s children. Let’s look at some.