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Different Strokes for Different Folks

The world is full of unique people. Mothers are all different. Families are all different. What works for one family may not work for another family even if we are totally sure it would. If we all did the same thing then it would all be pretty boring really. Adults are a product of their childhood and different parenting styles produce different types of adults. This is all common sense.

Are you a Type A? One day I will do a survey here and find out just how many readers are Type A and how many aren’t. I’m going to bet that at least 75% are. And so if you are like me – and I hope you’re at least not too much like me for your own sake – then you find it hard to sit still and listen to other mothers complain about what’s happening in their home when you think you have a way to “fix” it. I know I do. But, people don’t actually like to be advised unless they ask for it either. Sometimes people just want to complain but carry on doing what they’re doing. Women!

When you were pregnant how many mothers gave you advice on about a million things. Do this. Don’t do that. You have to do this before you can do the other. So much advice, so many people who want to help. How do we work through it all? We will inevitably be given advice from others who have gone before us and have done it better, but can we take advice from others?

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It All Starts with You

The past few weeks leading up to our big fat 30 hour trip were very chaotic. We were waiting on citizenship papers, passports and I was learning about life with two toddlers and a newborn. We were on vacation mode and so our routine wasn’t as structured as normal. Going from a good structure to a more lax structure can often result in kids getting wise in their own eyes. Kids behaving wisely in their own eyes makes for an unhappy mother which makes for unhappy children. Enter the Happy Cycle.

PIckles slowly started becoming less and less obedient. To the outside world she still seemed well under control but I knew different. When she ran away from me screaming “nooo” I knew the mighty had fallen. Well you know how it goes. The more disobedient they are the more annoyed you are. The more annoyed you are the less kind you are and the more out of kilter they are. Things go downhill. I was getting impatient and personally offended at the disobedience. I was in a bad mood, stressed and not at my best. At all.

The last straw was when I found my daughter, on the bed, coloring the white (not painted gloss unfortunately) wall blue. I walked in, thought I might scream. She looked at me and said “I”m mad!” I looked at her and said, “Not as mad as me!” After I went back to lay down on the bed and disassociate from my current reality I realised a few things.

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What I learned on a 36 hour journey with lots of kids and even more bags

We very recently took a 30 hour journey from Florida to Australia. Two adults, a 2.5 year old, a 1.5 year old cutting his eye teeth, a 7 week old (and let’s face it, he was the trip MVP), 9 bags, and a double stroller. As this drama was unfolding I realized it was a little bit like labor. In the beginning you think “I can do this” then towards the end you say “If this doesn’t kill me, I’m never doing this again” and then, shortly after it’s over, you think “It wasn’t really that bad.”

I’ve written on travel previously. How to travel organized and getting over jet lag are on the list. But I’ve got to be honest, sometimes you do all you can and then you just survive. Organized bags doesn’t mean that they aren’t heavy and annoying. Just because you have well-behaved children doesn’t mean they don’t go ape after 30 hours of car to airport to airplane to airport to layover to airplane. That’s life. Here’s what I learned. [Read more…] about What I learned on a 36 hour journey with lots of kids and even more bags

How can we teach children truths without scaring them?

This summer in Florida has been rainy. Lots of rain. Now that fall is here it is a lot sunnier, but the grass and weeds in the ditches and woods are high. Which means one bad thing. Snakes. I was eating lunch with my uncle, a farmer, last week and he said that when his children were in elementary school he used to warm them about snakes on the playground (which backed up into the woods). He said he’d tell them to be careful and watch where they were going near the wooded areas because snakes were out and crawling. My first response was “oh my goodness, that would scare them” and my second was “hmm, better to be a little scared than a little snake bit.”

Then just yesterday the neighbors (and dear family friends) came over to swim and said their 8 year old had been walking her dog down the dirt road and the dog had been bitten by a snake. Twice. She had done the right thing and walked slowly away. Now, that might have been the point at which they refused to let their 8 year old outside. But, no. They bought her thick boots and snake guards for the legs. They explained the dangers, further rained her how to react and helped her continue her normal activities safely.

This got me thinking about how we can teach our children real life truths without scaring them.

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Nursing in public: to do or not to do

I have a horror story. It happened in real life back in my single backpacker days, and I’m not even sure how I chose to breastfeed after this. I was an innocent ole country girl who didn’t “know nothin’ bout birthin’ no babies.” It was Rome, Italy circa 2005 where I was seated by the window on a bus stopped near Campo dei Fiori. As I was people watching I saw a gypsy woman holding a big ole baby. Now, I don’t mean this derogatory and don’t send me hate mail, but I want you to get with me setting wise on this.

There are a large population of gypsies in Italy due to its location and it is very common to see groups of women with multiple children. And, for the most part, they are not terribly clean. So, I see this mother holding her big ole baby and he gives a cry and then it happened. Right there, in front of tons of people and our entire side of the bus, she pulls down her shirt and (spoiler: way gross) peels off some type of large dried milk product from her breast, gives it a look, then throws it down on the sidewalk. Right there in the middle of about 20 businessmen in Armani suits. Then proceeds to feed her baby. Breastfeeding is natural, but that was just a little too much sharing.

Well, now that I got that story out of the way.

I think nursing in public is a slightly taboo subject. Well, maybe not taboo. Maybe just awkward. Before I lived in Europe and then Australia I think I’d probably seen a woman breastfeeding in public… never. Like, not even once. In the UK it was a lot more common and again in Australia. I’d even call it “normal” to go out and see someone breastfeeding in those countries. Partly because it’s actually more common to breastfeed there, and partly because it is culturally different. I think in some places nursing in public is viewed as indecent whereas in others it’s viewed as natural.

If you’re on the fence thinking “should I breastfeed or shouldn’t I?” then you might find this interesting. Let’s think about it for a while.

1. Convenience.

One of the most common reasons I hear in favor of breastfeeding is that it is convenient. While at home, this is correct. While in public, I can’t say I agree. I’m sure it’s more convenient to find a place to nurse than it is to find a way to bottle at a proper temperature, but convenience means a lot of things. In public, times to feed often coincides with sitting down to a meal, the start of a sermon or halftime during a football game. If you are about to leave the house and know about when your baby will be feeding, and you know it’s going to be smack in the middle of a busy time, think about pumping and putting it in a bottle.

However, if you are kitted out with ninja skills (see tip below) then damn the torpedoes and feed when you want. I’ve always fed in public and had a love/hate relationship with it simply because I find it logistically difficult to feed. But I never bat an eyelid at another mother feeding. It is, after all, the most natural thing in the world!

2. Your ninja skills.

I personally have never been able to skilfully manoeuvre my top and the baby and a blanket. Perhaps if I had one of these I’d be more adept. I have tried many a time and usually, by the time the baby is feeding, I have flashed 4 people, got sympathetic looks from other women, and broken out into a cold sweat. I think it depends also on your body type (some women need manipulate only the baby, not the baby and their breast) and clothing choices. I am so awkward I simply attract attention to myself as opposed to blending in. There are some moms in my church who can sit two seats down from you while breastfeeding for half an hour and nobody would notice. That is skill. If you are up to the challenge, practice that at home.

3. The setting.

Again, this will depend largely on the country, city and location where you find yourself. In America there will likely be far more places where nursing is considered inappropriate. In Australia, I see it everywhere. The mall, waiting rooms, park benches, you name it. Unless you are super comfortable feeding and know most people around you, I’d also consider the gender situation. If you are at a football game and 90% of the people around you are men, it might not be appropriate. Not because you’re doing something wrong, but because there are now lots of men around you purposefully trying not to look at you. That battle will be lost.

Read These While You’re At It

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Picky eating can cause a lot of stress at mealtimes. If your toddlers or preschoolers have picky eating problems, try these tips.

Got A Picky Eater? These 6 Tips Will Solve It!

handling babies and toddlers with jetlag

Traveling tips with small children

4. Your comfort level and the cleanliness of the bathrooms.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve felt dejected at my ninja skills and decided to just feed my baby in the bathroom and join everyone else later. This is okay if (a) the bathroom is clean (2) others aren’t actually sitting outside the bathroom for half an hour waiting for you and (d) there is a place to lay your baby while you situate and go to the bathroom yourself. However, most times the bathrooms are nasty so it’s a pretty gross prospect. My husband and mom are experts at entertaining themselves and the other siblings while I nurse the baby, no matter the location.

So, while this post offers no real advice or conclusions, it has given us something to think about. Do we think it’s normal to nurse in public? Are we offended if we see others do it? Can you breastfeed without anyone else even noticing? Did you ditch breastfeeding for bottle feeding out of convenience, or vice versa?

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Leadership

Disclosure: I am blogging on behalf of Compassion. This is part 2 of a 4 part series
and is not a sponsored post. Read more about Compassion here.

I think leadership is often misunderstood. Society thinks a leader is someone who talks loud, is charming and has good public speaking skills. Sometimes, of course, that’s true. But sometimes a leader is someone who goes unnoticed and just gets the job done in a way that enables others to get theirs done. Like parents. When you’re in the thick of changing diapers, washing dishes and telling 911 to disregard the last phone call from your house you can feel so unappreciated. To a certain extent, you are. Kids can’t appreciate you until they’re old enough to understand how much you do. But day in and day out, you keep going. You lead your children in the way they should go. Maybe you aren’t charming and maybe your public speaking skills stink. But you are still a leader because – though they be small – you have followers.

(1) Servanthood. When we were in discipleship school we had some guest speakers who did a year-long course called Year of Training which was tantamount to a character school. He said eager young passionate people would come up asking to be put in leadership positions and he would then assign them a bathroom to take care of. He said he’d know if someone was ready for leadership if they took their role seriously and diligently. Those who felt too “good” for such a task or that it was beneath them, well, they just weren’t quite cut out for it. Why? Leadership is a form of servanthood. Leaders serve their followers and the vision. Leaders look where there is a need and they do their best to fill it. Leaders see where there are voids and they put people there. Leaders look around for opportunities to serve.

Are you a servant-hearted person? Do you teach your children how to love and serve others?

Read These While You’re At It

Dear Firstborn Son On The Eve of Kindergarten…

How Vision Affects Learning

A Surprising Reason Our Kids Are Insecure

the best christian parenting books according to mom reviews

All-Time Best Christian Parenting Books (According to Mom Reviews)

(2) Sacrifice. Leaders sacrifice. When we think of a boss, perhaps we think of the man waltzing in after everyone else, taking two-hour lunch breaks, and leaving at 3:30pm for a “meeting.” In reality, leaders make great sacrifices. The buck stops with them and they are responsible, at least in part, for the decisions of their followers. When something has to get done, leaders are the ones who will step in. Sometimes to lead and do something you care about you’ll have to sacrifice some things that are less important. It may be a financial sacrifice, time sacrifice or energy sacrifice. Either way, leadership has its cost.

Are you willing to sacrifice some of your wants for the needs of others?

(3) Strength of Character. One mistake that is often made in organisations, churches and ministries, is that eager charismatic people are put in leadership roles because of their “influence” as opposed to their character. This is a great tragedy because if they are of low character they will ultimately influence their followers in a negative way. That’s just how the cookie crumbles. People need to be given the chance for their characters to grow and be forged in the fire and then, when they have proven to be people of integrity, can they be placed in leadership.

Do you focus on building your children’s character? Are you more concerned with the truth than with appearances?

It’s easy for us to help build and shape our own children’s characters because they live with us. It’s easy for us to use the multiple opportunities we have in our affluent surroundings to expose our children to the world and to help them make a difference. There are children out there, on the other hand, who are so focused on survival that there isn’t time for much else. There are children who are barely able to eat and consequently their education just isn’t on the radar.

By sponsoring a child you are giving them an opportunity to become what God has created them to be. You and your future leaders can forge relationships with those less fortunate across the world. You can teach your children what it means to care for, to serve, and to sacrifice for the well-being of others. You can show your children how to see a need and rise up to meet it. If you have a heart for children and wonder how you can give back, even during this busy all-consuming time of life, then click here.

What I learned during transition in childbirth {the near death experience}

You can prepare yourself for things. You can read, study, and write down your plan. You do all you can, and then you just get on with it. That’s labor. Preparation and then real life. So here’s what I learned during transition (the second stage of labor) in childbirth. It’s what I like to call a “near death experience.”

Transition is that crazy phase of labor where you are going from contractions to push time. All kinds of things can happen during it, but it’s safe to say that when you think you simply cannot take it anymore – you are in luck. When you think you can’t take it you’re usually right where you don’t have to take it anymore because it’s almost over.

It’s called transition. I’ve gotten convulsions, screamed for drugs, and thought a bowling ball was trying to tunnel its way out of my body. Since I’ve only done natural childbirth I’m not sure how others experience transition, but I have to say that it is truly the most intense part. I wonder why on earth I’m more worried about a needle in my back than I am about the pain. Then I have a familiar phrase that goes through my head.

Seemed like a good idea at the time…

When I was pregnant with Pickles a friend told me that childbirth was like a near death experience. I laughed. Then I had my daughter. Then I wondered how she hadn’t smacked me.

1. Just when you think you will surely die…

I will be the first to admit that I am somewhat dramatic. It isn’t that I mean to dramatize, but that I feel things intensely. Don’t be mistaken, I’m definitely not a drama queen. I just think and feel with superlatives. It’s an only child and first-born quality. When I was having my daughter my water had broken hours before so the contractions during transition were particularly strong. I asked and was informed I was at 6cm. I freaked out, thought I was going to die and begged for relief.

Little did I (or my midwife) know that I’d gone from 6 to 10 in a few minutes. In much of my adult life I’ve found – and eventually taken comfort from the fact – that things do indeed seem darkest before the dawn. Usually when I think that something simply has to give or I will (in some fashion) die, things give. Or, I grow to accommodate them.

2. The way you “need” people will vary

Every single child we have my husband comments that it is always a shock to him that I don’t want him, or anyone else, to touch me while I’m in labor. Or at least during contractions. He says growing up watching all those movie where pregnant women wanted to scream at their husbands and squeeze their hands until they cut off the circulation, that is what he always expected. Initially he always tries to give me a back massage or put a hand on my shoulder and see how I am and, though I stop short of smacking him, I am very very averse to being touched while in labor.

Now, that does not mean I want to be alone. I absolutely don’t want to be alone. I simply don’t want to be touched. Other women are different, obviously, and I realized that like in labor, we all need people in different ways. Sometimes we need a hug. Sometimes a phone call will do. And sometimes we might just need someone to sit by us while we persevere.

3. This too shall pass

While in transition if one were rational and able to think clearly (which is obviously not the case) they would see that all they have to do is push through for a few more minutes and it’s over. (Note: I know this is not always the case medically speaking and don’t mean to discount that) I think the pushing portion is easy, relatively painless and gratifying. After a few contractions you have a baby and at least you’re working with the pain instead of simply trying to relax through it.

Transition is where you start losing your mind, thinking this pain will last for the rest of your life and on into heaven and then everything becomes panic-stricken. You were calm and now you’re screaming. You were relaxing and now you’re convulsing. You may throw up. There are any number of behaviors you do that – in normal life – you’d probably avoid.

However, it passes. One way or another it does. In life there are times when we think we simply can’t go on how things are. That is often true. You couldn’t go on in transition indefinitely. We often get so deeply entrenched in the moment that can’t see that somehow, someway, it will surely pass.

Transition is the worst part, in my experience. Though I’ve been blessed and none of the transition periods have actually lasted that long (no more than an hour) they were intense and I was absolutely sure that I might possibly die. But, it passed. All the times in life where I thought I was going to die, whether emotionally, physically or mentally, they passed. They might not have passed straight into green pastures and endless Diet Coke and Reese’s… but they passed.

What have been some “transition” points in your life?

PS – I have done only natural labors basically because I’m more worried about a needle in my back than I am about the pain. Then I always regret my choice and by that point it’s too late. So this post is NOT about some kind of natural vs. medicated birth AT ALL IN ANY WAY. And I realize that for many women labor does not actually transition naturally or in the timeframe that doctors feel comfortable with so please know my heart is not to offend or assume that everyone has labors like mine. I know they do not. My goal for this post was simply to draw some conclusions that I learned from my own experiences and relay them to life in general.

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Dear Childhood Me

Disclosure: I am blogging on behalf of Compassion. This is not a sponsored post. Read more about Compassion here.

Dear Younger Me,

I just want to let you know a few things. Not to scare you, but to prepare you and enlarge you. Spoiler alert: you do turn out okay.

In elementary school you will be tall. As in, taller than most everyone else. People will laugh at you and tell you that you must have failed. No matter that you make straight A’s and in some grades, have the highest Science and Social Studies average. No, you are tall and so you are not smart. Add that to your knobbly knees, red hair and glasses… and know that you will spend quite a few afternoons in your mom’s classroom crying after school. Also, in 5th grade your “friends” will decide you’re the teacher’s pet and will all stop talking to you. Having friends is good, but the type of friends you have are what really matters. You’ll eventually start to like being tall and having red hair. People will stop caring whether you failed or scored the highest and you’ll get some contacts. But, you’ll still want to wear your glasses sometimes depending on your outfit. And, most importantly, you’ll have many friends – true friends – all over the world. They’ll encourage you, lift you up, and be there in the good and hard times.

What you’ll learn: It’s not about quantity, it’s about quality. It’s not about looks, it’s about character. And you can always go crying to your mama.

In dreaded middle school you’ll go back to school with your childhood friends. You’re good on the friend front, but are still very influenced by what they say and do. You’ll be really tall and have red hair, as always, but to add insult to injury, you’ll get braces and bad skin. Makeup won’t help and it’ll take a while before it clears up. You’ll think you are the only person alive with bad skin and some of your friends will already be bright beautiful shining stars. You will feel manly and ugly. You’ll start getting in a little trouble with your teachers for talking too much. You’ll realize you like sports and you’ll go on lots of trips with your mom. You’ll sit on the edge of your mom’s bed and ask her if having an okay face under the bad skin gives you a chance, somehow, of being pretty one day, and your mom will tell you that you’re her princess no matter what.

A Mother’s Response

What you’ll learn: You should talk less and listen more. You don’t have to follow others’ lead. Road trips are fun. You can’t change some things so you gotta work with them, not against them. Sometimes we must suffer something bad (braces) to get something great (perfect teeth). And you can always go crying to your mama.

High school will come along and bring much desired freedom and independence. You’ll still be tall and have red hair, but you’ll get contacts. Your skin will have cleared up, for the most part, but you will feel awkward and wonder what your style is. You will, along with your height, become particularly well endowed which you will hate. All of your friends will still be very thin with middle school like figures and you will envy them. At 16 years old on spring break, a stranger will think you are their chaperone. Honestly. But these friends will be loyal and good to you. You’ll get your first job and realize you get anxious having to work evenings, your stomach will always be in knots on the days you work late. You’ll find your personality and get your first car. You’ll ask to go to a horror house, be told no by your mother, and will pitch a crying whiney emotional fit then throw a softball that will ricochet and break an entire – very large – set of windows in the house. You’ll have to pay for it.

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What you’ll learn: Being given more independence means more responsibility. It’s in the moments we question who we are, that we find out. You can be friends with all kinds of people. We don’t always blossom right when we want, but we do blossom in season. And you can always go crying to your mama.

After high school you’ll go to college, live abroad, travel the world, learn a few languages. Don’t worry, you WILL get married, stop obsessing that no one will think a tall redheaded girl with bad vision and freckles is marriage worthy. You’ll have a lot of kids. Life will be easier and harder. But you’ll be the person your youth made you into. Though you’ll never suffer fools, you won’t care about people’s height, skin condition or status. You’ll know it’s still about quality and not quantity, in just about everything. You’ll know you can’t push God’s timing. And you’ll still go crying to your mama.

Compassion is a Christian child-advocacy ministry that releases children from
spiritual, economic, physical, and social poverty and enables them
to become fulfilled, responsible Christian adults.

Character Training: Kindness

Strong’s concordance defines kindness (as it is used in Galatians 5:22 referring to a fruit of the spirit) as “moral goodness” and “integrity.” Wiki defines it as “the act or state of being kind, being marked by good and charitable behavior, pleasant disposition and a concern for others.”

From my thus far limited experience as a mother,nearly 4 years in total, I have found that children are both innately kind and innately selfish. Selfishness, when acted upon, often yields particularly unkind results. My children are both very sweet and we’re often told so. However, my daughter wants to steal every toy my son plays with and my son wants to hit her when she does it. In my book, that ain’t kind. I know this is a phase, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to actively train them to fight their unkind impulses and to foster their kind ones.

[Read more…]

A Mother’s Response

I think God has made each of us with different soft spots, if you will. There are certain causes or injustices in the world that affect me in a much deeper and more emotional way than others. Human trafficking, particularly of small children, is one of those things. A few months ago I attended an A21 Campaign screening of the film The Trade of Innocents. I was pretty sure that I’d cry through the whole thing and embarrass myself publicly, but I knew I had to go. Since having children the thought that there are small ones out there being stolen and forced to do heinous things without family searching high and low to the ends of the earth for them is just something that tugs at my heart in a real way.

On the way to the theater I was praying that God would help me to pay attention without imagining if it was my daughter in their place. As I was praying I felt God challenge me that actually, this was the lowest response. It is not my daughter. It won’t be my daughter. It is other young children (who God knew before He created them) that probably didn’t have a fiercely protective mother and don’t have family who would go to the ends of the earth for them. In fact, many of their families are the one who sell them to slavery. I gathered myself and realized that this wasn’t something I needed to turn inwardly paranoid about. It was something I needed to turn outward about.

Read These While You’re At It

Dear Childhood Me How can we teach children truths without scaring them?Using praise to communicate values

3 Simple Keys To Understanding Your Child’s Emotional Needs

The movie is great and opened my eyes. Right now in my current phase of life (3 under 2.5 years) I don’t have a lot of time for overseas mission trips and heavy involvement. What I do have time for is prayer and smaller ways of supporting the mission. When one of my dearest friends told me about Rethreaded, a ministry whose mission is to bring healing and freedom to victims of the slave trade through holistic intervention and training, I knew I found an organization that was doing work in the exact area where my heart bleeds. Here’s what they are about.

I recently got a ditty bag from their shop with some awesome rock crayons. The kids are quickly eroding those and I know I’ll use my red, white and blue striped ditty bag (signature Rachel color and pattern) for a while to come. No matter what your passion is or where your compassion lies, I encourage you to follow it. God gives us certain soft spots – I believe – to guide us to where He’d have us serve. Maybe all you can do is write a check right now. That’s okay. Maybe later you’ll have more time to travel and serve in more physical ways. That is fine. Whatever it is you can do, and whatever it is you can involve your children in, the better. This particular area, human trafficking, is a bit heavy for small children and might scare them if not approached carefully. In fact, my 2 year old obviously couldn’t grasp the concept. But I hope, as they age, to be able to involve them in reaching out to do our part.

When Does Having Material Things Become Materialism?

It is when we show our children there are others in need of rescue, that the parts inside them meant to be heroes and heroines starts to come alive. As they grow older and we continue to serve we can fan that flame until they are bona fide rescuers. I hope my children do over and above the amount that I’ve even thought of doing. I hope they go out and make such a difference in their world. I can’t determine their God-given destiny, but I can surely help enhance their gifts, talents and habits so that they will be able to thrive.

When Fear Caused My Water To Break Instantly – Stress Induced Labor

Are you worried you’re going to experience stress induced labor? Hear my first hand story of how my intense fear of my daughter’s safety brought on labor.

A friend once told me me she was a light sleeper since her daughter was born. 18 years ago…

She said her ears attuned to hearing the slightest cry or movement and since then she hadn’t looked back.

I feel her pain. I often wake up a split second after my child has started crying. From a dead sleep in the middle of the night. From downstairs, if I hear a single footstep – a leg coming off the side of the bed onto the floor with a thud…

I’m sitting up before I know what’s happened.

pregnant woman holding her stomach in a pink dress

A mother’s connection with her children is so strong – it’ll bring on stress induced labor

A mother’s love for her child goes beyond just affection and caring. Protection and nurture. It’s almost primal.

I’m convinced there are few stronger ties than those between a mother and her children.

[Read more…]

What I learned in my {3rd} third trimester

For this pregnancy, I’ve previously written reflections on the 1st and 2nd trimesters. We welcomed our third child into the world last week! This pregnancy was, in short, a doozy. But as is the case when you are an over-analyzer, I’ve learned so many things that I believe will stick with me for the long haul. When we are pregnant we can tend – or at least I can – to attempt to carry on as though nothing much has changed. Pregnancy, more than any other time of my life so far, has really shown me that there are seasons in which I need to step back, evaluate and change my behaviors and habits. For the good of myself and the good of my family.

Here is what I learned my third trimester.

(1) Hormones are not overrated. I’ve been told that while hormones don’t lie, they do exaggerate. Someone prone to worry may start to worry excessively, but someone who rarely worries probably won’t develop full blown anxiety. But these things we call hormones cannot be discounted and have a huge impact on the quality of life. I know something is hormonal when from one minute to the next you can go up and down. One day you are rushing through the house multitasking like nobody’s business and the next day you see four dirty plates and a crusty sippy cup and you lay on the bed and cry. Not that that happened. We can’t get rid of hormones and they have their place, so during pregnancy I’ve found that I have to embrace them to a certain extent. They are controlling my emotional well-being and my emotional well-being controls my ability to function. They can’t be ignored. We still have to cope around them, but those suckers are serious business.

(2) It’s okay – IT IS OKAY – if some normal house rules get put aside. This past month or two some of the normal rules of engagement in our home have changed. We used to get up, do breakfast, have independent play then structured activities. Now, we get up, do breakfast, I put them to watch TV for 45 minutes and I lay down. For the first week or two I felt so horribly guilty letting them watch TV so early in the morning (read my thoughts on Kids and TV watching here, note: I don’t think it’s from the devil in itself) that I didn’t even appreciate the rest. Finally, I decided I just needed to shut up and silence my inner voice. I was pregnant and, dadgummit, 45 minutes of Little Bear isn’t going to ruin their future. And it might, it just might, have helped me make it through the day without having my own meltdown which goes contagious.

(3) It is a special time to shower your children with attention. Quite a few times I’ve been overcome with emotion that when my third came my attention would be split 3 ways instead of 2. No less love for anyone, but perhaps it’ll take more purposeful moments from me to be sure that each of my kiddos have undivided attention. I’d hold my oldest girl and feel so happy that she was my first. She is so special and helpful and I want to be sure I don’t turn her into a helper extraordinaire at the expense of being able to still be a baby. My youngest, 16 months, still looks like a baby. Do boys seem to age slower to anyone else? He’s currently teething and wakes in the night to sing and laugh in his crib and though I know I should just leave him, I keep going in there and hugging him. Last night I picked him up and he nuzzled his head on my shoulder and I thought that it might be one of the last times I held him as my youngest. It has been so nice to love them this way and has helped the long wearying days have more purpose.

Although I’ve suffered from anxiety this pregnancy and had a mini meltdown/identity crisis I am so happy and blessed to be having another baby. People kept asking me what I will do after I have the baby and have three young ones (under 2.5) to take care of. I answer, “Well, for starters, I will sleep on my stomach, throw away my nasty acid reflux medicine, and enjoy my normal sized ankles.” As for the rest, well, I’ll figure it out.

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