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Helping mothers create routines, boundaries, and family practices.

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Easy Ways To Find Individual Time With Your Kids (& Why)

It can be hard to find individual time with your kids, but it’s possible. Here are some easy ways to find that time to help your children flourish.

Do you have a friend who really stands out and commands attention in a group?

What about a friend who fades into the background and is almost forgotten in a group?

Or are you that person?

Have you ever thought that within your family there is also a group dynamic that is very different from a one-on-one dynamic?

This is the reason that individual time is so important. Honestly, some children only come alive when you get them alone and give them time.

Spending time with your children individually is so very important, and when done regularly will reap many benefits for them, you, and your relationship together.

We all know… life happens

Spending time with each child may be difficult when you have quite a few children and you are a busy and tired mom.

The more kids you have, the more difficult this is and you don’t need to feel like all you’re doing is trying to find big portions of time to spend with each child.

Without further ado, scroll down and find easy ways to give your children individual attention without having to go on dates every other day to fit it all in.

Use this individual child time tracker to make sure you’re getting time in with each child.

What One-On-One Time With You Does For Your Kids

Truly, it doesn’t have to be as hard as you think, and here are some reasons it really helps kids.

1. Individual time will strengthen your bond

Have you ever had a great friend you never spent time alone with?

Of course not. 

Why? Well, because you get to be best friends with someone by spending a lot of time together, and much of that time will be alone. It will be the same with your children.

Group dynamics are different from one-on-one dynamics, and when you are alone with one child they will have your undivided attention.

They’ll also share things with you they wouldn’t share in a group.

Read: 9 Reasons Why Cuddling Your Kids Makes Life Better

Motherhood & Wellbeing

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Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

Taking care of your mental health shouldn’t feel like another chore. This workshop shows you how to build simple, sustainable routines that support your well-being and your kid’s emotional health—without the stress or overthinking.
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2. It may cut back on attention-getting behavior

Children often act out in an attempt to get attention. Even my 3-year-old will try to get a compliment if I give one to his baby brother. “Wow, what a good clapper you are, little man!”

Then he’ll start to clap or dance and say “mommy, clapping, good job?“

It is built in our children to desire admiration and love from their parents. Spending time alone with each child will help to fill up their love tanks and there will be less of a need to fight for your attention.

Read: 3 Simple Keys To Understanding Your Child’s Emotional Needs

3. It will build self-esteem and worth in shyer, less outgoing children

If you are a more shy and quiet person, particularly in a crowd, you will relate to this. If people only knew you as “one of the crowd” would they know the real you?

Absolutely not.

Quiet or shy children may just blend in and be content to go unnoticed beside their more outgoing and flamboyant siblings.

By singling out your quiet child (and each child in the family in their own turn) you’ll show them that you are willing to take the time to draw them out of their shell.

Read: 35 Simple Ways To Love Your Child In Everyday Life

Use this individual child time tracker to plan time with your kids.

4. It communicates directly to your child that you value their needs and desires

If you spend a Saturday with one child every month (or at whatever frequency works for your family) this is a great time to go and do whatever is on their heart.

Does your son love all things space? Why not take him to a museum, exhibit or park specifically oriented to his current phase? This will particularly be special for him because you two being alone means no one else (another sibling trying to complain about something) is there to say his idea is stupid, no fun, or uncool.

Each child is different and this can be a time to embrace their individual differences and really help them to feel at home with you when they are in their element.

Read: Relationship Building Questions To Ask Kids (With Printable!)

5. It may be the only way to really get to know your child

At the dinner table you may have one or two who steer the conversation. They always have a funny story, joke or topic of conversation ready.

That is not bad in itself, of course, but it may often leave some younger or quieter siblings in silence or unable to compete with the interesting talk. One child may never volunteer their story, sad moment, triumph or rejection with the whole family.

They may not think it something that everyone should hear. If you’ve consistently carved out time with them and communicated that you are always there for them (and are willing to take some time away from everyone else) then they’ll be more apt to come to you with what is important to their heart.

If they are hurt or really agonizing over something (as all kids do from time to time) you want there to be a clear open place for talk. And, you want them to know that their siblings don’t need to know about it.

Connection & Culture

13-18, 6-12

Rooted in Family

Family life shouldn’t feel like a blur of to-do lists that leave you wondering if the memories are even sticking. This workshop helps you define your family’s core values and create simple, meaningful traditions that bring everyone closer without adding pressure.
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Easy ways to spend one-on-one time with kids

  • Have one child per night help you cook dinner.
  • When possible, run errands with one child at a time.
  • Take walks around your neighborhood (it’s free and exercise, win win).
  • Join them alone for one of their interests (sports, dance, library, etc.).
  • Do your individual chores together.
  • Read books together.
  • Do home projects together. They must be done, so why not together?
  • Play their favorite game.

Remember, trying to treat everyone equally will never work. In fact, it will communicate a wrong message.

Why? Because everyone is not equal.

Some are taller, some are shorter, some are funnier, some are smarter, some are more ambitious, and some are more artistic.

You love them individually and for who they are as a person. Spending time alone with them on a consistent basis will help solidify their place in the family (in their minds) and will bring you both memories that will last a lifetime.

Want to be sure you get quality time in?

That said, if you want to make sure each of your children get special time with you, but struggle to make it happen in the day to day it probably comes down to one thing: planning.

Time flying past us really is a mother’s arch nemesis. This pack will help you take control of your time and priorities and make what’s most important happen. Click here to get instant access. 

individual time with child tracking sheets

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5 Daily Habits For Kids That Makes Your Life Easier

Here are some daily habits for kids they can do that’ll not only make your life easier, but will teach responsibility and self-control at the same time. 

If you are anything like me then you probably share a fear of mine…

The fear that we’re going to raise entitled kids. 

We believe in our kids, see their potential, and know they are capable of great things… but the hard part is this.

Also, we are all too aware that our choices, rules, and family culture have a direct outcome on whether our children become entitled.

Let’s talk about what being entitled actually is for a minute.

Entitled (n): an attitude, demeanor, or air or rudeness, ingraciousness, combativeness, making excessive demand for service, feeling like you have the right to do or have what you want without having to work for it or deserve it. (combined dictionary sources)

The encouraging thing is this: when we have fair and sensible rules and boundaries – and require our kids to respect these – we help teach our children responsibility and positive habits.

This week’s post is about some habits that help create a sense of order and peace for moms who are desperately overwhelmed.

Can you relate?

  • You feel like all you do all day is chase your kids around and pick up after them.
  • You feel like the kids make a lot of messes, but never want to help tidy them up.
  • The kids expect you to do everything for them and don’t want to try to do it on their own.
  • You feel like a “victim” of your children instead of feeling like a leader.

If this is you, be encouraged, we’re going to dive into this a lot in the near future.

But for today, let’s start with a few simple habits that will bring you some much needed peace as well as teaching your children mastery over some important life and character skills.

Read: Mom Morning Routines That Bring Sanity & Order To Your Days

painted pieces of wood

Daily Habits For Kids

Note: These are examples from our own house, but the sky is the limit! Think of things that cause you stress and figure out how to incorporate your children into the solution!

Peaceful Mornings… Day Time Start

There is a cumulative effect to being Woken Up With a Start.

Many moms wake up and hit the ground running.

Change diaper

Feed baby

Serve yogurt

Clean kitchen

Bandage boo boo

Comfort crying toddler

Snack time (already?)

Another diaper

More feeding

And on and on…

This is #momlife and we wouldn’t trade it for the world, but day in and day out this can be jarring. There is something to be said for having a bit of space in the morning where you can gather yourself, pee alone, and think about the day to come.

The answer?

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Smooth Start Morning Routines

Mornings don’t have to feel like a mad dash of lost shoes, whining, and cold coffee. Here’s a simple, no-nag plan to get kids up, ready, and out the door on time — without the rage.
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A “Day Starts At X” Rule

This is one of the best daily habits for kids you can adopt. Choose a time of day that correlates well with your children’s natural wake up time, and create a rule.

No one can come out until such time. This allows you to wake up a bit earlier than that time and have peace. Read your devotional, Bible, drink your coffee alone, even just stare out the window in the calm before the storm.

Note: Of course if your children needed you, you would respond!

In My Home: This Rule In Action:

  • 7:30 a.m. is our official start time.
  • Anyone who wakes up earlier than this simply plays in their room or occupies themselves until it’s time to “come out.”
  • If my 3 year old wakes up at 7 a.m. then I’ll give him some books to read quietly in his crib. The baby generally sleeps until this time, but if not will play with his stuffed toys. My 4, 6, and 7 year olds will read books, play with their toys, or call out from their rooms “Is it time yet?” #transparency. You can also get one of those handy clocks that lights up when your morning time starts.
  • I wake up much earlier than this so I am ready to jump into Beast Mom Mode by this time. Most days I take a walk, read my devotional and Bible, and then may take time reading a novel or researching something or other.

Read: Mom Morning Routines That Keep The Calm


What does this help kids master?

  • Self-control
  • Patience
  • Boredom as a tool to creativity
  • Respect for boundaries

Read: The Easiest Way To Get Babies And Toddlers To Sleep Later

Daily habits for kids truly make the day go by faster… here’s the next one.

kid grabbing freshly washed strawberries

Snack And Meal time Clean Up Rules

Serve breakfast. Clean up breakfast. Then serve snack. Clean up snack. Serve lunch. Clean up lunch. Serve snack, serve dinner, clean up wreck of a kitchen.

REPEAT. 

Once when my bestie was getting married she asked me for some words of wisdom about marriage and family life. My answer was this: it’s basically doing the same 5 or 10 things over and over and over and over again every single day. (I feel like she wanted something more romantic.)

Messes take up a lot of time for mom. They also take up a lot of emotional and mental bandwidth because – depending on your personality – messes = clutter and clutter = low level anxiety.

The solution?

A clean up rule. 

This might mean that you create set rules on how you want meal times to go finish. Perhaps you want all snacks to happen at the table, then bowls be taken to the sink or counter. This is a daily habit for kids that honestly is a must for moms with large families.

Read: Life Skills For Kids By Age (With Printables!)

Maybe you decide no one can leave the kitchen after meals until it’s all clean. We do this with dinner. Everyone gets a job. Put dirty dishes on counter, load dishwasher, sweep floor, wipe down table top, etc.

It’s a total manic chaotic madhouse, but we persevere in hopes it’ll eventually pay off. Also, after 15 minutes it’s totally clean and when they’re in bed I DON’T HAVE TO DO IT ALONE.

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!

What does this help kids master?

  • Contribution and responsibility
  • Diligence in completing chores to the family standard
  • Patience and self-control to put off play until hard work is done

Read: 5 Things You Think Your Kids Can Do That They Can’t — And Vice Versa

toddler running to catch up with dad at a park

Play Time Clean Up

All day errr day is about toys for kids. No daily routine for kids is complete without something relating to chores.

This is similar to the above rule, but it relates to toys and play.

There is no mystery here.

There is no secret sauce or phrase or word that’ll make it easier. And, there is not much you can do to get your kids excited about picking up unless they are natural cleaners.

You just gotta get them to do it.

There are endless ways to do this, but choose what best works in your home.

  • No moving on to the next activity until you clean up the first one.
  • Allow 2 messes, but not 3 before they gotta clean it up. (got that gem from this post which I literally printed and keep on my desk)
  • Establish designed cleaning times (before nap and before bed, for example)
  • Set the timer for 10 or 15 minutes each day and have everyone contribute to clean up.

Doesn’t really matter how you do it, just that you expect them to clean up their own messes. They’ll actually feel good about this, even if they complain.

What does this help kids master?

  • Tidying skills
  • Organization skills
  • Work before play (or at least not ONLY play) mentality
  • Cooperation

The key is to make this as easy as possible. Big baskets. No micro organizing, all macro. They can quickly go around their rooms and put toys away. If it’s a toy with a lot of pieces, they can put it back in its box or another box you chose.

Unless YOU WANT TO CLEAN UP or your kids are very precise, methodical, and older don’t color coordinate or you’ll end up having to do it all yourself. You know your kids, if they are willing to keep the color coordination, go for it!

If not, ditch it.


Read: How To Teach Kids To Play On Their Own

toy trucks

Rest Time (Your Soon To Be Favorite Part Of Your Kids Daily Routine)

For the introverted, a stay at home mom near burnout, or simply easily overwhelmed… rest time is key. This is a daily habit your kids must take hold of for your own sake.

And for theirs.

But even if it was ONLY for you, that’s okay.

If you’re home all day with your kids, put them to nap or rest at the same time. Then you can get at least a couple of hours of rest, peace and quiet, or time to yourself. After all morning with my 5 kids (7 years old and under) I am in need of silence. I gotta have it.

Read: Quiet time (Rest time) for Toddlers: All You Need to Know

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.

Keys To Rest Time:

  • Give older children clear boundaries. They can play in their rooms quiet, read books, or go to a designated area, but they can’t be loud or come out of the area you’ve put them in.
  • Put all babies and toddlers down to nap at basically the same time. This means they need to learn to go to sleep on their own. But you can handle that. It’ll make your life a whole lot easier for many reasons.
toddler sleeping with grey teddy bear for her daily afternoon nap
  • Set a realistic time period. It may be one hour, maybe two, but go with what your children can handle.
  • Remember, they may fight it at first (they likely will) but they will begin to love it. No sharing, nobody messing with them, no fighting for supremacy. They are masters of their own world.
  • If everyone doesn’t have their own room, choose random rooms of the house, doesn’t matter which. Where possible, don’t have them do rest time together. It will not likely be restful.

Read: My “Daily Escape” to a Quiet Place & Why It’s Necessary

If you work during the day and need 15 minutes of peace when you get home, have rest time then. Don’t use it if you don’t need it, but bring it out as a way to give everyone a bit of recharge. 

Read: How To Get Everyone To Nap At The Same Time Every Day

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Sticky Routines System

Giving you a step-by-step guide to overcome barriers and stick to the healthy routines you’ve committed to. Learn the mindsets and secrets disciplined moms use to run a tight ship🚢 (think, mornings, chores, homework, bedtime, self-care, etc.)
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Emergency Re-calibration Habits

Kids are gonna get rowdy.

That’s good. Shows they have life, they have energy, they want to experience the fun things in life.

There is also a time and place to be loud and wild and often times you need to calm the kids down for a bit. If you begin to feel like you’re losing it, you need some tricks up your sleeve. If you can intervene before it gets too loud and crazy, you’ll be one step ahead.

Then, if you can work these into your kids’ normal daily habits around the time that the kids always lose it, you’ll be 10 steps ahead.

Emergency Re-calibration Tips

  • Everybody sit with a book. We will ask our kids to grab a book (or 5) and pick a seat and read or look at pictures with no talking. It does require some “shhhh” ing, but overall they get it.
  • Go outside time. If they are loud and wild and hyper let them run free and play. Even if you have to supervise it for a bit, noise outside doesn’t grate quite so much as screaming inside.
  • Read aloud together. While this may feel annoying because you actually want to move away from your kids for peace, sometimes reading aloud together is soothing. They will quiet down for a story and you can feel fondly of them again since they aren’t running around wild. The more you do, the longer they’ll be able to do it.
boy reading a book in chair as a daily habit and routine
  • Give them a minute of loud crazy then make them pipe down. “Whew, you guys are loud. Y’all really got some things to get out. I’ll set the timer for one minute and I want you to yell and scream and fuss and stomp as loud as you can. After that, we’re done.” 
  • Alone time. Even our kids are recharged by alone time. If they simply can’t handle being around everyone without flipping out or fussing or screaming, let them go to their room with a favorite toy or two and reset.

Read: 5 Simple Ways To Calm Your Hyper Kids

“This Before That” General Rule Of Thumb

So… if you’re thinking how on earth do I start these habits, I want to offer one final parting word of advice.

Do the less fun before the more fun. 

Do chores before TV time.

Clean up before outside time. 

Do every thing before screen time. 

Organize your day the “South African way”.

This means you organize your daily routine with toddlers and preschoolers so that they’re doing the fun stuff after they do the hard stuff. Work first play later, if you will. If you are struggling with where to begin, choose one of your kid’s daily habits or routines, and shove it in front of something fun they like.

This’ll be your fastest path to success. 

Read: Avoid Parenting Battles The South African Way

mom and daughter lying together as part of their daily habits for kids

You’ve got this, mom…

If you’ve been feeling like you are a shell of a person and slave to the little people you birthed and you just want some stinking peace and help… you can have it. 

Kids will do what they’ve been trained (by us) to do. 

If you’ve inadvertently trained them to do nothing for themselves, then you can advertently (okay that’s not a word)… purposefully train them to help out. To respect your need for some quiet.

You will be happier.

They will feel more responsible and therefore happier.

The home will run more smoothly.

Win win

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.
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Want to Help Your Child Learn Their Routines?

If you want to give your child some visual clues to help them learn their own routine without the nagging… these printable routine cards will help.

Grab your cards, print them onto cardstock, laminate them using this inexpensive laminator, and put them up so your children can get set learning their routine.

Inside the routine cards you’ll get visual routine for:

  • Morning routine
  • Bedtime routine
  • Mealtime routine
  • Chores routine
  • Playtime routine

PLUS  you can actually edit them in Word or Pages to add more elements that’ll fit your own routine. 

And since they are printable, you can re-print a new set any time you want for as many kids as you want!

Sources:

The Quick Guide To Getting Started With Chores

If your kids don’t contribute at all the running of the house, that can be tough. Need some help getting started with chores? We’ve got it all! This post was originally written by my friend and mom of 4 Val, and has been updated and edited by me.

Teaching your children to be good, hard workers is completely possible and feasible. The tricky thing about it is that it takes a lot of time. I am not talking a week or two—I am talking years.

Of all the things I have taught my children, learning to work and clean has taken the longest. Perhaps this is why many parents find themselves with six year olds who still don’t make a real contribution toward cleaning the home.

This takes time and consistency.

Getting started with chores is quick – perfection takes years

Now, just because it takes years to fully establish doesn’t mean you can’t see improvements along the way. But bear in mind that you will need to be consistent and patient over years if you want to have a child who is a great helper down the road.

Another thing to keep in mind is that some children are naturally more inclined toward cleaning than others—just like adults are. Some of us like cleaning more than others do. Those naturally inclined toward cleaning will be helpful younger than those not inclined.

I have had both kinds of children, and trust me when I tell you that if you stick with it, your non-lover-of-cleaning child will be a good helper too!

An age timeline

⭐Babies

Babies under one just won’t be helpful. Some might get to the point close to age one to help put things back away, but they likely will grab it back out as soon as they put something away. Clean with them anyway.

Honestly, babyhood is a great time to Get Started with Chores because – while babies don’t help – we mothers get used to doing house jobs with kids around.

⭐Pre-toddlers

Pre-Toddlers (12-18 months) will start to “contribute.” This is darling and will melt your heart. But it still won’t lighten your load.

⭐Toddlers

Toddlers get better at making messes faster then get better at cleaning them up. They can take on small chore tasks, though, and if you are patient, they can finish them. They will need help throughout the whole process.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

No Nag Chore Routines

Getting kids to do chores shouldn’t be a daily battle. Let me help you build a simple, age-appropriate system that teaches independence, teamwork, and responsibility—without constant micromanaging. Because a well-run home isn’t about doing it all yourself.
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⭐Preschoolers

3 year olds are messy little things! This is the messiest age. You will have bigger messes with a three year old around. A three year old, however, can also help clean up messes made. They still need time and direction, but can be some help.

Four is when things start to look up. A four year old can clean and do some chores independently. A four year old seems to make fewer messes. The four year old still needs instruction and small jobs, but you will see a big turn around at this age.

⭐Elementary aged kids and up

Five and older just continues to get better and better.

Many 5-6 year olds can be shown a room that is a big mess and told simply to “clean it” and they can and will. 

[Read more…] about The Quick Guide To Getting Started With Chores

Science Backs Cry-It-Out – What You Need To Know

If baby won’t sleep and is overstimulated when you try to comfort him then cry it out (controlled crying, extinction, self-soothing, etc.) may help.

I read a ton of research in my certification for infant and child sleep training.

I read countless books by sleep experts, many of whom suggest drastically different approaches to solving sleep problems.

Do you know what method nearly all of them employ to some level or the other?

Teaching babies to get to sleep on their own.

Essentially, babies need to be able to get themselves from being awake to being asleep on their own. It’s the only way they’ll learn to transition through their sleep cycles at night without waking up frequently in distress.

baby sleeping in crib after controlled crying

We are going to use the terms cry it out, controlled crying, and extinction here all to mean a similar thing.

Many renown sleep experts have their own names for this method of sleep training. Going forward in this article they all mean the same thing.

One involves leaving to cry and the other coming in at intervals to check, but allowing crying, but here is the gist.

Cry it out is not the first resort

Before we dive into the logistics, know this. If you create a proper sleep schedule for your newborn from the beginning, you won’t need any strategy that causes baby to protest.

Why?

Because they will have taken advantage of the newborn drive to sleep and learned to get to sleep from the very beginning.

Read: 12 Medical Reasons Why Your Baby’s Not Sleeping (With Symptoms of Each)

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t stay asleep, or is unsettled in general.

Controlled crying and cry it out explained

Let’s dive into exactly what these practices entail.

Controlled crying is:

  • A method of phasing out sleep props
  • Letting baby protest the changes in sleep habits without rescuing them from their needs. (aka allowing them to continue life without meeting their need for sleep because of your own inability to do what it takes)
  • Allowing babies or toddlers to fuss and cry for certain periods of time before going back to comfort. This allows baby the time needed to learn to get to sleep on their own.

Controlled crying is not:

  • ignoring your baby’s cry to teach them not to cry
  • ignoring their cries because you are busy or can’t be bothered to attend to them
  • a way to punish or discipline your baby for not sleeping

Read: Is Sleep Training a Baby Bad or Dangerous? Let’s Talk Facts!

baby sleeping on daddy's tummy not good at self-soothing

Cry it out in action

Pretty much all babies who do not sleep well, for very long, or as many hours a day as they should have one thing in common.

They don’t know how to go to sleep on their own.

There are a variety of ways to accomplish this without any cry methods, but some babies simply

Ultimately…

Babies need to learn to go to sleep on their own. 

Putting your baby to bed with rocking, singing  or any number of other tricks is not a helpful practice to start. If you put babies to sleep with tricks during the first few “easy” months then, by the time they are 4-6 months they will stop being as sleepy and you’ll have some real sleep struggles on your hands.

They won’t fall asleep everywhere all the time and you will want them to be able to sleep in their crib. However, if you haven’t trained them to do this they will fight it. The training process will be louder, harder and more involved than it needed to be.

Read: How to Stop Contact Naps (Peacefully)- and What to Do Instead

I have friends who say at 4 months, “wow, now it’s getting tough” whereas I have said at 4 months- all 5 times – wow, all the hard work is over.

Sleep is very important and the sooner babies learn to do it on their own, the sooner you’ll all benefit from it.

Eventually they will have to learn, the question is, when do you want to put the work in? You’ll still have to train them at some point, so why wait?

Read: The Fastest Way Through The 4 Month Sleep Regression

baby sleeping in crib after controlled crying

How long does controlled crying last?

Nobody likes to listen to their baby cry.

When using cry it out for sleep training, you only do this after you know their needs are met and the issue is simply learning to sleep. If they are well fed, clean, dry and otherwise okay, then letting them cry a little to learn to sleep will not hurt them.

If you can pick them up and they immediately stop crying and smile, you know they are fine, they are just fighting sleep. They’d rather be with you! Of course they would. However, sleep is a need and baby’s moods shouldn’t dictate their needs.

Generally speaking, controlled crying lasts less than one week. For most babies, on the 4th day baby has learned to go to sleep on their own without tears. So, for a few naps and bedtime, there may be some protest crying, but it resolves itself quickly.

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t stay asleep, or is unsettled in general.

baby happily lying on bed in good mood after self-soothing

Different options for cry based sleep training

There’s no one size fits all. Different experts like Ferber and Weissbluth, for example, have different terms and different suggestions.

All agree babies need to learn to go to sleep on their own so they can transition through sleep cycles without having a “job” to do.

  • Extinction (basic cry it out) – This is Dr. Weissbluth’s method and involves letting your child cry until they fall asleep.
  • Capped extinction – This is the same as above, but with a cap. An amount of time you’ll let baby try to sleep on their own before throwing in the towel and starting another day. This is often used at nap time.
  • Check and console – Here parents allow baby to cry for pre-determined periods, then return to assure baby you’re there, then allow baby to fall asleep on their own again.
  • Any combination of the above – Depending on whether it’s naps or day time, you may employ a variety of methods to help baby sleep. Babies strong drive to sleep at nighttime often helps accelerate the learning process.

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t stay asleep, or is unsettled in general.

baby sleeping soundly after having done extinction

Just letting your baby cry is not the same as using a “cry it out” method

Using extinction with your baby (aka cry it out) is not just letting them randomly cry. There is rhyme and reason and methods involved.

If you do choose to utilize some “let cry” method (and many mothers do not and find levels of success with “maybe cry” or “no cry” methods) then you need to commit.

Letting baby cry for 5 minutes then returning, and repeating, does not work with some babies. They quickly catch on to the time limit and cry until you come. They are, in fact, quite inconsolable often because they desperately want to sleep and yet cannot do it on their own.

This is why babies getting to sleep on their own is so important. It gives baby the chance to learn what they need. Sleep is a survival need.

Read: Get A Tired Baby To Sleep — In 4 Simple Steps

little boy asleep after self-soothing

It’s not the only way, but it is one way

Many mothers know their babies need a change.

Whether moms have to go back to work or they are suffering from anxiety and depression due to lack of sleep (which is backed up by research), they need baby to start sleeping and they need it to happen quickly.

I know many moms simply won’t be able to do it or don’t agree with it. I often think some people give extinction a bad rap because they think mothers let their baby cry all day long to try to teach them to be silent. This is not the case.

Cry it out is a method used to facilitate learning to get to sleep independently.

It is used when you are positive their needs are met. When you know they are asserting their desire to not sleep or their initial difficulty putting themselves to sleep.

But, as we’ve discussed before here on my site, it’s both irresponsible and unkind to give babies control of their life.

Adults have a hard time controlling their live, much less babies!

baby going to sleep with parents trying to settle using extinction, controlled crying and self soothing

When to considering using extinction or other “let cry” methods

You may want to consider extinction in the following cases.

  • When your child is not getting enough sleep.
  • If baby is fighting sleep and becomes over-stimulated the more you step in to help.
  • You are exhausted to the point of becoming mentally ill (depression, anxiety, etc.).
  • Baby is 4+ months, naps are not consolidated, and he’s waking up multiple times per night.

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard this story. Mom is exhausted from night after night of night wakings.

Baby wakes up crying for the 4th time and mom is too tired to get up and attend to the baby. Mom falls asleep even though the baby is crying and, lo and behold, baby goes to sleep.

And stops waking at night permanently.

baby in pink onesie on bed waking up after extinction and self-soothing training

The goal is not that the baby sleeps so you have an easier life. The goal is that the baby sleeps so that the baby is well-rested, happier and able to learn and absorb the stimulus in their surroundings.

Letting your children become exhausted is not fair to them and it does not set them up for successful habits later.

If your baby fights sleeping now, it will not likely resolve on its own.

Whether or not you use cry it out doesn’t matter, find a way to help baby get the rest they need.

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FAQs

How long should you let a baby cry it out to sleep?

If baby is well fed and other important factors taken into account, cry it out shouldn’t last more than an hour at a time, and even then it should peak at 2 days, then after 3 days be very little crying.

How do I teach my baby self-soothing?

You teach your baby self-soothing by giving your baby a chance to calm themselves down to sleep. This can take from 3 days to 2 weeks, depending on your method. Methods involve gradual withdrawal, shush pat, controlled crying, etc.

Should you pick a baby up every time it cries?

Every time baby cries you should try to figure out WHY baby is crying before rushing to action. A tired baby needs sleep, not feeding. By determining what baby needs you’ll know exactly what to do.

What is considered excessive crying?

Babies who have colic are typically crying for a few hours a day, every day, inconsolably. If you are using crying as a tool to get baby to sleep (and all appropriate factors are in place) baby shouldn’t cry for more than an hour to get to sleep.

What is the cry it out method by Ferber?

Ferber uses extinction and controlled crying methods. Capped extinction is letting baby cry for intervals then going in to soothe in other ways. Extinction is letting baby cry until they go to sleep, usually capped at an hour.

Why is my baby fighting sleep?

Babies fight sleep for a number of reasons. They are overtired, overstimulated,, or don’t know how to settle themselves into sleep. Babies cry because they want you to settle them. They cry because of pain and hunger.

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How To Get All Your Kids To Nap At The Same Time Every Day

Do you have children who nap randomly? Read here for some great tips to get all your kids (baby, toddler, and preschooler, etc.) to nap at the same time.

At around 12:45 each day…

I start making the rounds.

  • I put my 2 year old into his crib (2 minutes including kissing and hugging).
  • Then I put my 3 year old into his crib because he’s not ready for the challenge of staying in a big boy bed (5 minutes because he likes “chatting“).
  • Our 5 year old gives me a kiss, picks out some toys, gets a drink, then goes to his own room for rest/play time (this takes 1 minute.)
  • My 6 year old gives me a kiss, picks out some toys, gets a drink, then goes to his own room for rest/play time (this takes 1 minute.)
  • My 7 year old daughter gives me a kiss, hug, gets out her crafts, then goes into her own room for rest/play time (this takes 1 minute.)

So within about 15 minutes all 5 kids are in their own beds or rooms to rest and play.

For years, they ALL SLEPT AT THE SAME TIME. 

This is not a pipe dream, friend. Keep reading to find out how to do this in your own home. And use our daily baby logs to get it all out onto paper to help you make a plan.

toddler taking a nap

Imagine this…

Imagine eating lunch with the kids, tidying up the house a bit, then putting them all in their cribs or beds at the same time for a nap.

Then imagine the silence and time you’ll have for the next hour, or two or three. What would you do with them?

Is this a dream?

Is she insane?

Could it really happen?

In a word, yes.

It can happen and it does happen in my house every single day. Not because I’m special or because my kids are special (although they are incredibly special).

It’s just because I viewed it as a necessity. I work from home and can’t do much evening work or I’m too overstimulated to sleep.

Therefore, a few hours of quiet each day is non-negotiable.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Sticky Routines System

Giving you a step-by-step guide to overcome barriers and stick to the healthy routines you’ve committed to. Learn the mindsets and secrets disciplined moms use to run a tight ship🚢 (think, mornings, chores, homework, bedtime, self-care, etc.)
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baby laughing on a bed

How to get your babies, toddlers, and preschoolers to nap at the same time

If you have children who still nap or even slightly older ones who need Rest Time, getting their nap times to happen at the same time will be so refreshing.

Both for your children and yourself. If you want to start living the dream (and believe me, you do) here are some tips to take you in the right direction.

Read: Get A Tired Baby To Sleep — In 4 Simple Steps

1.  Understand how our bodies work. 

Maybe you’re thinking, “but what if they don’t get tired at the same time?” then be encouraged.

Our bodies acclimate to our habits.

If we rise at 7:30 am, eat breakfast at 12:00 pm, and go to bed at 10:30 pm, then pretty soon we won’t need an alarm clock, will be able to tell it’s lunchtime by our stomach, and will be yawning and rubbing our eyes by bedtime.

Why?

Because our bodies get into the routine. Our circadian rhythms and biological clocks adjust.

In fact, doing these things at the same general times day in and day out is a good thing. Research shows that consistent sleep times help cognitive development.

I’m not suggesting we delay naps and cause our children to be overtired just to have them down at the same time. Rather, when possible, we attempt to overlap their sleeping times so we can have some regenerative time of our own.

Read: The Biggest Baby Sleep Myth That Backfires Every Time 

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 6-12

Goodnight Bedtime Battles

This workshop will give you a simple, sanity-saving bedtime system that actually works—one that helps your kids wind down, fall asleep without endless stalling, and stay asleep (so you can finally get some rest).
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mom trying to get her child to nap

2.  Pick a time that works for everyone. 

My 8-month-old naps twice a day.

He’s the only one sleeping in the morning, but I aligned his afternoon nap with his brother and sister’s so that when they are snoozing, I can work.

Experts generally agree that early afternoon is when toddlers should nap, so my two older kids go down at 1 p.m. and my 8-month-old at around 1:30 p.m.

My preschooler and toddler are tired by this time if they’ve had ample change of scenery and exercise, and this nap helps get the baby through until bedtime.

Depending on what time your children get up in the morning, the afternoon nap may be anywhere from 12 p.m. to 2 p.m., but I’d try to put the nap after lunch. If they nap at 11 a.m., then by 6 p.m. you will have some very fussy kiddos.

Read: Napping tips when babies, toddlers, or preschoolers share a room

What to do with toddlers when you are putting the baby down for a nap

3.  In bed when you say, out of bed when you say. 

If you choose 1 p.m. then that’s nap time.

Unless you’re out and about, don’t bother negotiating. Start the nap time process and don’t let them convince you they don’t need it. That is their Wants talking louder than their Needs.

Eventually, when this becomes part of every day life, see it as a wall, not a door. When nap time happens every single day, it just happens. 

If your children don’t need a nap every day (because they are old enough, not because they say so) then institute Rest Time. This is when they stay in their beds (or in their rooms) reading a book or doing something quiet and restful.

You decide when this starts and ends.

If your children are obedient to your word throughout the day this may be an adjustment, but shouldn’t be a huge struggle.

Read: Why kids need independent play times daily

Boundaries & Behavior

Loving Authority

Being in charge doesn’t mean being harsh or heavy-handed—it means being steady, clear, and confident. This workshop will help you understand what healthy authority really looks like. When you know how to show up as a secure, grounded leader, your kids feel safe, and everyone starts listening.
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baby in blue onesie crying

4.  Explain your nap time expectations thoroughly

When your children are old enough to understand basic instruction (one year and older) start telling them what will happen.

And do it with a lot of warning. Children really benefit from knowing what’s happening next so they can prepare themselves.

Half an hour before nap time I’ll start saying “okay kids, it’s almost nap time” then at 15 minutes “in a little while we’re going to take a nap.”

It may sound silly, but this is an excellent strategy to get your children to obey without arguing.

When they view something as inevitable they will come to terms with the idea when the time comes. It gives them time to realize they are indeed tired.

When I give advanced warning my children almost always respond with ease. However, if I say “we’re going home” or “time for a nap” out of the blue they don’t respond nearly as well.

Read: Baby Bedtime: 4 Essential Elements For Success (works for naps too!)

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t stay asleep, or is unsettled in general.

baby in a Christmas outfit sleeping with a pacifier.

5.  Start slowly transitioning your current routine towards a shared nap time

As of now, if your kids are now napping at completely different times or only slightly overlapping, you’ll need to gradually adjust them.

If one child is sleeping at 11 a.m. and you want to push it back to 12:30 p.m. then do so in 15 minute increments. For one week (or even a few days) move it to 11:15 or 11:30.

The next week move it back again. This will give their body clocks time to adjust and before you know it they’ll be on the time you prefer.

If your child currently doesn’t nap at a consistent time, start there. When they say “I don’t want to nap” and you used to let the nap pass, start being consistent and putting them down everyday.

Read: A step by step guide to dropping the morning nap

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Smooth Start Morning Routines

Mornings don’t have to feel like a mad dash of lost shoes, whining, and cold coffee. Here’s a simple, no-nag plan to get kids up, ready, and out the door on time — without the rage.
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infant in grey and white stripes with a pacifier resting

If not for a nap, for rest time.  When they know they have to stay quiet for a certain period they’ll often fall asleep in spite of their best efforts to stay awake.

Small consistent steps will get you to your goal just as well as large leaps, and they’re easier for your children to adjust to.

28 things to try if baby won't sleep, baby in crib

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t *stay* asleep, or is unsettled in general.

6.  Pick strategic sleeping arrangements to avoid kids keeping each other awake 

When your children have their own room you are golden. If they share you’ll need to get creative.

If your children already nap in a shared room and it works that’s fine, but if not then think about unused rooms for napping.

“One reader said she put her youngest to sleep in her walk-in closet during the day because it was relatively soundproof and out-of-the-way.

Another friend had the baby of the house sleep in the bathroom with the loudest exhaust fan so her sleep wouldn’t be disturbed.”

Napping is also a good time to use white noise machines or apps. We have a white noise app on our phones and tablet that we use for the baby.

That way we don’t have to walk around on eggshells or try (and fail) to keep the kids in quiet voices while he sleeps.

Read: How To Help Baby Sleep With Loud Older Siblings

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5

Sleep Little Lamb (Ages 0-5)

Moms will walk away with a step-by-step sleep plan tailored to their child’s age and needs, designed to improve sleep within 3 days to 2 weeks.
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baby in green sleeping in dad's arms

7.  Give it time and watch their naps sync up 

As with anything worth the work, this may take some time.

There will be developmental stages where this arrangement works and some where it won’t. You can always put an older sibling’s rest time in the same slot as the toddler’s nap, but a baby may throw a kink in the works.

Then again, smaller babies may sleep all day.

Read: How to Stop Contact Naps (Peacefully)- and What to Do Instead

All of mine have.

If you work towards your goal consistently with your eye on the prize, you’ll reap the benefit.

Just remember…

Kids need sleep.

Kids will get used to new routines, particularly when they are good for them.

If you find yourself feeling frazzled and simply needing a break, instead of ignoring the kids and zoning out on your cell phone, organize your day so you’ll have some you time.

Time you can spend doing anything you want! It may seem impossible, but trust me it isn’t!

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