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Helping mothers create routines, boundaries, and family practices.

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How to Handle Anger Towards Your Child

If you are guilty of feeling angry at your children and are really struggling, you’re not alone. Here are some things that may help:

Children have a way of really messing with your mind.

In your previous life you were neat, tidy, calm, and in total control.

Now you are always tidying a messy house, slightly frazzled, and feel out of control.

You no longer purchase clothes that require ironing, your books are multi-colored now since they are all about dogs, kittens, and fairies, and you buy gifts cards for everyone on December 24th.

And, send them electronically.

Life Has Changed

Many women take this in stride, but for some, it can be truly difficult to manage the emotions that parenthood brings.

Depending on…

  • your situation,
  • how well your child listens, and 
  • any medical or emotional issues

the day to day can seem out of control.

These Life Changed Can Lead to Anger

The truth is that motherhood is all-consuming, and it’s easy to get mad at your kids.

Here are a few reasons why moms find themselves getting mad at their kids. 

  • If you don’t get enough sleep you’re a tired mom and thus have a short fuse.
  • You’re just generally feeling stressed and you can lose it at the drop of a hat.
  • Your child doesn’t listen to your instructions.
  • They are defiant and rude to you and their siblings.
  • The nagging, whining, and tattling.
  • There hasn’t been enough time to refresh and recharge.

There are others, but you get the idea. Life is not the same and it’s easy to get angry. Its how you handle your anger that matters.

When you get mad at your kids…

Don’t wallow in self guilt or beat yourself up about being angry. Try these things instead:

Evaluate the frequency.

How often do you find yourself angry at your kids?

Is it every so often when they act up, spill your Diet Coke, or run away from you?

If so, that’s normal. That said, if you are perpetually angry at your child regardless of their behavior or moods, then there’s likely an underlying issue.

Angry Mom CHECKLIST

Ready to try and deal with this temper of yours? Let this checklist help you get a handle on it.

Evaluate your triggers. 

Do you lose your cool and get angry because your children don’t listen to you or follow your lead? If so, try some new strategies with your kids.

This is actually an “easy” reason, in the grand scheme of things, because you can both teach positively and find your child’s currency.

Perhaps it’s no TV, no books, or no games.

  • Think about some logical consequences to their regular shenanigans,
  • and take a few weeks to be very consistent with your responses.
  • During that time be sure and build them up and praise their efforts as well.

Even if this doesn’t resolve your anger, it’ll definitely improve their behavior.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Weary To Well

This 10-day reset will help you uncover what’s wearing you down (spoiler: it’s not just lack of sleep), set boundaries without guilt, and finally create space to breathe again. Because burnout isn’t your personality—it’s a signal things need to change.
Start Now

Get away.

When all you want to do is escape, that’s a sign you need some time away.

Whether that’s a morning with friends or even a two day mommy vacation, if you are consistently wanting to get away from your children that is a sign you should probably do so.

And I’m not talking about the selfish need to be away, but a genuine need for some time of refreshing.

Take a minute. 

It’s one thing to “yell a time or two” at your kids. I may be in the minority, but I believe if they are seriously out of control and you yell… well… it won’t hurt them.

Yelling is a natural response to alarm.

Kids know when they are pushing the boundaries.

However, if you find that you are always right on the verge then teach your kids how to “give you a minute.” Essentially,  you teach your children that when you say “give me a minute” you are going to be alone and they need to leave you alone.

When you are about to explode in anger, go take a minute. Or five.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.
Start Now

Get help.

If you’re a Type A mom like me, you don’t like to ask for help.

A lady in my Bible study tonight said she could be dragging herself across the floor with her bare hands and, if someone said “Do you need help?” she’d probably respond, “Nah, I’ve got it.”

Ha! This is our problem.

Whether we get help from our spouse, a group of friends, a counselor, a pastor, or even a helpline, we need to get it. People are a lot less shock-able than you’d imagine.

Don’t let your pride stop you from getting help.

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.

Do you want 50 printable Calm Down Tips?

My friend Amanda is an expert on Mama’s Anger Management and she has a printable you can print out and use to help you learn to calm down. The 50 Calm Down Tips are free and will get emailed straight to you!

Kids Fighting In The Car? How Not to Get In a Wreck

When kids are fighting in the car can be frustrating, unsafe, and lead to some difficult trips, even if it’s just to the store. Stop the madness with these proven tips to ease the tension and teach desired behaviors.

Have you ever left any of your kids on the side of the road on purpose?

I have.

Just kidding I haven’t, but man alive have I wanted to.

Maybe because it’s crowded, cramped quarters, and the ventilation isn’t as great, but our van is where the kids best prefer to fight. And since mama is up front and unable to physically intervene, it’s like… they know fights can last longer.

Then I end up in fight or flight and I’m like I’LL TURN THIS MINIVAN AROUND. And it’s all fun and games. Well, I’m happy to report, those days are mostly behind us and I’ve gotten some tricks up my sleeve to help you avoid all that mayhem too.

Kids are not fighting in car when given the right opportunities.

Kids need to behave for safety, first off.

So, it goes without saying that different circumstances require different corrections (reinforcement solutions). I’m using this teacher term because handling kids fighting in the car requires some planning and situation reacting on the part of mom.

All situations are not created equal.

You don’t want to over react, but with the same token you don’t want to ignore and have a dangerous vehicle situation. Here are 2 main categories of responses we can have.

Angry Mom CHECKLIST

Ready to try and deal with this temper of yours? Let this checklist help you get a handle on it.

Validating the behavior you want

This is where you emphasize the behaviors your kids are doing that you like. Something desirable is given when your kids do well. Could be a little treat (if we’re talking about a long road trip or something) or clearly stated words of appreciation.

Read These While You’re At It
4 year old in blue robe brushing teeth4 Key Strategies For When Your Child’s Not Listening5 Calm Responses for When Your Child Digs Their Heels InBoundaries, Family Rules, & Strong-Willed Children… Oh My!Here are some simple no drama solutions for your child's behavior problemsChild Behavior Problems: A No-Drama Approach That Works

Built-in consequences for acting crazy

Here’s where you’d establish clear rules about the behavior in the car that is acceptable – and what isn’t – and give these rules built in-consequences.

A built in consequence just means you aren’t making up random consequences on the fly. While sometimes those random ones are more natural, in which case go with them, other times it’s like you’re having to manufacture some type of negative scenario for your child.

The better way? Consequences baked into the rule.

  • Outrageous car behavior = no screen time
  • Screaming and fighting in car = the instigators have to clean the car interior or exterior

You get the idea.

Read: We’re ACCIDENTALLY raising entitled kids – Here’s how to stop!

Family Rules Brainstorm SHEETS

Start brainstorming rules to make your family life more peaceful, connected, and strong!

Validating Solutions

Positive dialogue can go a long way in sculpting wanted behaviors. This is especially true for situations where the rules don’t really change.

AKA car rides

So you’ve laid down the rules. And you’ve made them clear. This is the first and probably most important step. You gotta give clear expectations in order to get desired results.

  • Inside voices only
  • Hands and feet kept to self
  • Passing items only, no throwing, etc.

Have the kids decide what types of behaviors they want as well. No placing shoes on another’s chair, for example. Not leaning onto another person while driving etc.

But… kids will be kids and rules will be broken. Having some positive reinforcement plans in play will help mold your kiddos back into happy little campers.

One huge thing I did with my 5 kids… assigned seats.

I distanced the children most likely to fight and this cut back on stress A Lot.

Use direct and clear forms of validation to stop kids from fighting in the car.

This type of response means so much to kids. You will be surprised how quickly it shapes their behaviors and makes them want to listen.

  • This is where you’ll acknowledge why they’re frustrated and how it makes your child feel.
  • Then you’ll call out the appropriate behavior you want to see.
  • If you catch someone trying to be extra good and you’re proud, let them know immediately that you see that.
  • Be exact and clear with what behaviors you want to happen. Say precisely what your child is doing right.

Consequences

Fighting in the car is a real stressor for mom.

It’s a hard and dangerous job to drive a family around. It can actually be pretty dangerous is kids are too rowdy in the vehicle. So, there are cases when mom needs to do something clear.

I had times where I got so riled up from hearing their fighting or arguments that my heart was racing out of my chest.

I kind of went into a rage, to be honest, as you do when you are trying to do something as important as DRIVING and people are going nuts.

Read: Spot On Advice for Husbands of Stay At Home Moms (That She Won’t Tell You!)

Act with a quick and immediate response to fighting in the car.

When danger is eminent, mom may have to act quick and “fierce” to stop the behaviors and make a safe situation. Sometimes you have to act fast and firm to stop the madness.

  • Get a little loud to get their attention.
  • Pull over, put the car in park and deal with the fighting accordingly.
  • Turn the radio off, get quiet, and stare at them in the rear-view mirror.
  • Or, turn it up very loud to get their attention and then back down.
  • Remind them of the consequence to this action.
  • Take away their devices (if they have them).
  • Turn the car around and head home.

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!

General Tips For Car Rides To Avoid Fighting

Here are some general tips to avoid fighting so you don’t have to pull over.

  • Avoid over-stimulation with too much media or noise. We don’t have any devices for the kids so none in the van, but often if the sights and sounds are very stimulating, then there are lots of voices, and loud music or an audiobook it can be a lot. If things are getting tense, turn off the radio/book.
  • Assign seats. As said before, assigning seats will help give kids more chance to have a peaceful ride.
  • Pack individual snacks. When we are going for a long ride, we’ll pack individual snacks in bags so each child is focused on what’s on their own lap.
  • If sharing numerous things, set up some ground rules. My boys like to read comics and they’ll end up sharing. But, if one wants a book the other has, etc. you get the idea. Set up some rules for who gets what when. Or let them make up the rules!
  • Be free with pulling over. If YOU get overwhelmed easy, make it a habit to pull over at the first sign of having a bodily response to the fighting. Step outside of the vehicle, alone, to get a breather before dealing with the situation.

Kids don’t intuitively get that it’s dangerous for ALL OF Y’ALL on the road in a car with people going nuts. Tell them, show them, and you’ll stand a better chance.

::

Old-Fashioned Principles Moms Should Pass On To Their Kids

In an ever changing world, it’s sometimes hard to grasp what we should really strive for. Here are eight core traditional family values that modern parents shouldn’t reject:

I’m a country girl and live in the southeast so there are a lot of old-fashioned traditional values that still exist in our culture. I see, as I travel and scroll online, that there are quite a lot of values that seem to have been discarded in modern times.

I get it, times change.

But there are some things we all agreed were true for centuries and now, somehow, think are no longer applicable.

I’ve written before on family values and family culture, but here I wanted to focus more on some old-fashioned principles and values that we’d do well to hang onto.

For each family, how you go about these values will differ… but I believe that holding fast to some traditional values is a great way to build lasting connections and create a safe place of stability and refuge for your children.

Here in this post we’ll focus on traditional family values that should be passed down to our future generations.

50+ Connection Questions

Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!

Use them at:

meal times, car rides, as a “calm down” trick, for dinner time conversation, or any time the day is getting chaotic or you need a reset to connect.

Relationships and Closeness with Extended Family

Have you ever been to a wedding or funeral and realized that’s the only time your family ever gets to spend time with extended relations?

With technology the way it is, there’s no reason why parents can’t make the extra effort to allow kids to get to know extended family…

No-matter the distance.

Relationships and closeness with extended family is one of the main modern day parenting struggles that we face.

Let’s face it- it’s no walk in the park raising kids these days with all the things coming at us to do.

Read These While You’re At It
30+ Awesome Christmas Gifts For GrandparentsSurprising Benefits of the Grandparent-Grandchild Relationship & How To Foster ItIt's good for kids to be around elderly people and vice versa. Here are some reasons why it's good to let your kids be around their grandparents and elders.Kids & the elderly: Why they are good for one another

So who really has time for extended family?

I think the benefits outweigh the difficulties it may take to get there:

  • You learn more about yourself when you’re around extended family.
  • Kids grow up knowing their cousins, extended cousins, etc.
  • Stories and family memories can live on.
  • Promotes a closeness with the nuclear family.
  • Teaches compassion, care for the elders, and family collaboration.

Time Together VS. Obsession with Sports and Peers

Childhood memories (you know… those ones that last a lifetime) don’t happen when you’re driving your kids around to every event you can sign them up for. You know the best memories are made?

In those close-knit, precious times together. Being a family is really about having that time together. Friends will fade. Sporting events, various competitions, and deadlines will fade.

But memories you make together will last a lifetime.

I’m not saying that all the things are bad. No, not at all. But I am saying that obsessing over them- to the point that family time together is no more… that is bad.

Read These While You’re At It
24 Summer Things to Do With Your Kids Before School Starts40+ Fall Family Traditions Everyone Will Love45+ Easy Outdoor Games And Activities For Kids Your Family Will Love9 Reasons Why Cuddling Your Kids Makes Life Better

Teaching Values VS. Letting Entertainment/Culture Teach Them

I am always truly surprised at the amount of parents I talk to that allow their “core values” to be taught to their kids through entertainment.

Modern day parents should not let media replace their own instruction of values for their family.

This is how I see it- Soon enough, my kids will be out in the world being influenced by whatever comes their way.

For now (then they are little), I want to be the one to instill those values in them. Not modern culture or entertainment. No…

There is a close bond that is formed through the passing on of traditional family values to your kids. I believe they will appreciate this so much more than what any programming can provide.

Girl is playing outside as a traditional family value.

Hard Work

Traditional hard work is almost obsolete in our world. Our children are even sometimes taught (in public school) that manual labor isn’t considered honorable.

Our society portrays college bound/chained to desk/in front of computer as success. And, it may be for your kids. I’m not saying it’s not. And I’m not saying we should aim for our children to have manual labor jobs as their career.

But hard work (real traditional hard work) is a value that can only be taught within the family unit.

Hard work has its benefits. And, it can be fun too! Here are some of the benefits:

  • Teaches collaboaration 
  • Builds physical strength
  • Fosters appreciation of material things 
  • Gives experiences & life skills 
  • Teaches the value of time
  • Gives a sense of fulfillment and belonging

Some examples of hard work that can be taught at home are chores, yard work, going to work with a parent, and disciple within a physical activity.

Honesty as a Traditional Family Value

Honestly is a traditional family value that modern parents should not reject.

Modern culture says “the ends justify the means.”

It says “If you meant well, it’s ok.”

When left to today’s standards, our kids will learn that the truth waivers…

That truth depends on the viewer.

Hmmmm. I’m not ok with that.

Traditional family values teach that honestly is always the best policy. Even if it hurts…

There’s grace and forgiveness that come with honestly, yes. But there are also consequences and you’re going to own up to them.

Family Rules Brainstorm SHEETS

Start brainstorming rules to make your family life more peaceful, connected, and strong!

Faith

Faith is confidence and assurance in the truth that you proclaim. It’s what your family holds true. This why faith is a traditional family value that modern parents shouldn’t reject.

It can be faith in God’s word, faith in an outcome, or faith as a way of life. Modern families can choose to hold onto this faith as we navigate through this rapidly changing world.

Faith holds a family together. It helps them strive for common goals and creates a place for growth as a unit… and individually.

I believe that faith (and holding fast to faith as a traditional family value) is the crux of many values a family would want to maintain.

Responsibility for Actions and Emotions

Entitlement, avoiding responsibility, shifting blame… ahhh.

These things are so hurtful for children. And, modern parents face these challenges more than ever before. I believe we should hold onto the traditional family value of responsibility.

This training can start at a very young age.

“If I drop it, pick it up. If I make a mess, clean it up. Etc.”

But the root of responsibility is much more than this. It’s accepting true accountability for one’s actions and emotions. It’s also:

  • Getting the job done when asked to do so.
  • Avoiding laziness.
  • Not blaming others for how I feel.
  • Staying in control of what I do and say.
  • Integrity when nobody is looking.
  • Having the moral obligations to behave myself.
  • Knowing how to act respectfully.
  • Owning up to my mistakes.

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!

Shifting blame from our children to others may make them feel better in that very moment, but it is detrimental to their future.

Responsibility for one’s actions is a key traditional family value that modern parents should not reject.

::

Why Kids Should Play Dress Up & How To Build A Stash

Kids love to play dress up… it’s so much fun! Here are the basic reasons why and how to build up a great stash of dress up clothes.

Full confession: my daughter dresses up in old formal gowns that I dressed up in as a child that my grandmother got at good will.

Oh yes, baby, dress up is serious business in our family.

Kids love dress up play.

We have 2 massive tubs of dress up clothes and collect them anytime we can. When other kids come over to play, inevitably, they all end up dressed up and walking around in whatever imaginative game comes up.

Dress up clothes get kids off screens

Kids love the costumes. The nostalgia factor cannot be understated. There is nothing cuter than seeing your precious babies run around playing make believe in a variety of outfits.

little girl in dress up outfit

Dress up inspires creativity and teaches important life skills.

Dress up encourages creativity in the purest form. It’s child’s play… and it’s so good or kids!

This is because children’s imaginations are limitless. When children engage in dress up play, they are given total freedom to imagine as they wish.

It’s so much fun.

101+ 15 Minute Projects

In just 15 minutes a night (while you’re in your pajamas!) take your home (and heart and mind) from stressed out to organized.

Kids dress up because it allows them dream, hope, and use their imagination.

It’s simple fun! Why? Dreaming is fun. Hoping is fun. It’s childlike play that any child can participate in.

It’s great for kids of all ages. It doesn’t take special skills or abilities…. just an imagination. And, it’s great to build up those imaginations.

I actually think kids are more innocent, playful, and childlike (which is the goal!) when they are OFF screens and out in the big wide world exploring.

So let them imagine. Let them explore and be creative in their dress up play.

Maybe you have super hero costumes, but they want to put wigs on them and pretend to be cave men. Let them…

Maybe they have princess costumes, but them decide that today their princesses will also have shields and swords. Let them…

The possibilities are endless.

Read These While You’re At It
How to Encourage Toddlers and Preschoolers To Use Their ImaginationHow To Teach Your Children To Play On Their OwnThe Difference Between Playing and Being EntertainedWhy Kids Need Independent Play Time Daily — And How To Start

When kids play dress up, they practice important life skills…

  • critical thinking
  • imagination
  • communication
  • cooperation
  • give and take
  • teamwork

Critical thinking skills are skills that children develop through observing and forming judgements.

So here’s the dress up costumes we have… what can we make with them? What playing ideas can we create with them?

Communication, cooperation, and sharing are often necessary for critical thinking skills to thrive. Guess what? Each these things are practiced here.

So this is why kids love dress up!

They may not be able to put into words why, but learning these critical thinking skills are just a few reasons why kids love dress up.

Teamwork, cooperation, sharing, and motor skills are also important life skills practiced here.

How to build the dress up stash

Try these things to get a great stash of dress up clothing, accessories, storage, and more. The best part is this can be super cheap or even free for you. And the kids will play with them for years.

Invest in some career themed dress up items

These make such great moments for learning and growing. This can be any type of job. Actually, your kids may end up making their own uniforms as well and creating jobs to go with those, but here are some fun places to start.

Here are some great sets:

50+ Connection Questions

Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!

Use them at:

meal times, car rides, as a “calm down” trick, for dinner time conversation, or any time the day is getting chaotic or you need a reset to connect.

Accessories and “weapons”

Don’t underestimate the fun that can be created with a few dress up accessories. This is what makes it a game, a war, an adventure.

Shop after Halloween sales

Shop the “after Halloween” sales at your local supermarkets. I mean, not the scary items of course. But there are some great deals to be found in super heroes, characters, and more.

The prices will be slashed to 50% off or so sometimes. Get a size up or two so the kids can grow into them. My boys wear them until they are superheroes in highwaters, but hey. It’s still fun.

Hats, masks, belts and gloves

Kids love hats. In fact, the right hat can make the outfit work. You can grab these from goodwill, anything that seems colorful and exaggerated will do the trick.

So, the sky’s the limit. The key is to get something exaggerated, big, and fun to wear.

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!

Thrift shop

This doesn’t have to be just after Halloween items. You may find some awesome vintage dresses, old-timey “work clothes”, or other novelty clothing items.

Do some research on how to properly clean them before introducing them into the rotation.

  • purses
  • fancy dresses
  • jackets
  • fake fur
  • high heel shoes
  • work boots

Dress up themed party (with a gift theme!)

Have a dress up themed birthday party. There will undoubtedly be gifts of costumes and costume materials.

  • Tell people on the invite to wear a costume
  • You can specify you want the gifts to be costume or dress up related
  • Ask on social for anyone whose kids are grown out of their stash or for any former costumes, etc. People often have a LOT of this type of stuff lying around.

Organize your stash

Plan a certain Trunk, closet, or shelf to keep the dress items organized. This functional Dress-Up Island is a great idea for a child’s play room.

Choose one area in your home, maybe the play room area or somewhere out of sight. Like not in the living room. Get a couple of big containers which makes for easy clean up. Macro organizing, not micro organizing.

::

The Difference Between Cry It Out (CIO) and Self-Soothing

Are you questioning whether babies can (or should!) self-soothe, but also want to help your little one sleep better? Here’s the difference between cry it out and self soothing.

I had a discussion with a lovely lady the other day whose baby won’t sleep at daycare since they won’t rock him.

She realizes that since he’s rocked to sleep at home -and they can’t consistently do that at daycare – that he is refusing naps.

And they’ve told her he’s clearly exhausted and it’d be better if she could help support independent sleep at home, so she could transfer it to napping at daycare.

Well… she has some concerns. Concerns many mothers share, so I’ll list them here.

  • Does sleep training affect the parent/child bond?
  • Is self-soothing even something a baby should be forced to do?
  • Will crying damage him?
  • Can she sleep train WITHOUT crying?

I’ve touched on all the others on various posts you can find here, but here I want to dive into self-soothing.

*This* concept gets moms hung up

She said something similar to this…

Isn’t an 8 month old too young to self-soothe?

And my answer to that is this: the goal of sleep training is not to teach a baby to self-soothe.

The goal of sleep training is teaching a baby to go to sleep on their own.

They don’t need to soothe their distress, they need to go to sleep. The two things aren’t the same. We needn’t confuse them.

28 things to try if baby won't sleep, baby in crib

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t *stay* asleep, or is unsettled in general.

What is self-soothing?

I know people want to define self-soothing as letting a baby cry themselves to sleep. But THAT TICKS ME OFF. Because when we want a baby to learn to sleep independently, we aren’t abandoning their emotions.

Soothe (v): reduce pain or discomfort in (a part of the body), gently calm (a person or their feelings)

So self-soothing would be expecting a baby to reduce their own pain or calm themselves.

The goal being: calming one’s self.

Now, you may have an angry baby or a whiny baby – and those could be related to tiredness – but even by working on sleep, you aren’t trying to teach a baby to make themselves feel better.

What is sleep training?

On the contrary, the point of sleep training is: teaching a baby to sleep on their own.

So you see, the goal of teaching a baby to soothe himself and teaching a baby to sleep on their own are not the same. And, in fact, when you teach a baby to get to sleep on their own they will naturally be more calm and settled.

Because they won’t be on an overtired cycle or feeding every hour and not sleeping.

Learning to sleep on one’s own is a life skill.

Read These While You’re At It
Coping When Others Don’t Support Your Baby Sleep StrategiesDaycare Won’t Rock Baby To Sleep? Here’s What To Do.Is Sleep Training A Baby Bad Or Dangerous? Let’s Talk Facts!12 Medical Reasons Your Baby’s Not Sleeping (With Symptoms Of Each)7 Reasons Your Baby Still Wakes Up At Night – And What To Do7 Simple Reasons Why Your Baby Won’t Nap & What To Do

Why kids need to learn to sleep on their own NOT comfort themselves

There are a variety of reasons that babies will benefit from learning to sleep on their own. Now, if baby is rocking to sleep or otherwise getting to sleep NOT on their own, but is still sleeping well.

Then all is well.

But if baby isn’t sleeping well, is fussy a lot, waking all the time to try because they have a “job to do” then it’ll benefit baby to learn to sleep on there own.

Here’s why it benefits baby to know how to sleep on their own.

Sleep training isn’t training your baby to soothe their own pain

Mothers will soothe their little one’s pain until they aren’t able to anymore.

We will calm them when they’re distressed, we will feed them when they’re hungry, we will cuddle them because that’s what mothers do.

Mothers will meet their baby’s needs in a way that is best for baby and, sometimes, that’s teaching baby a life skill they currently lack. A life skill that is necessary for optimal development and emotional regulation.

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t *stay* asleep, or is unsettled in general.

Sources:

::

Books for Kids on Abuse: Comforting and Healing Words

Abuse is hard to talk about, especially for kids. These books on abuse are good for children coping with trauma, sexual abuse, or neglect.

Well, if you’re here the worst has happened. Either to your children or another that you know.

Of course, trauma therapy is necessary in situations of abuse, but another way to help your child process what they’ve gone through is through books.

Books are an excellent way to help your child understand their own emotions, feelings, and what has happened to them without any pressure.

child being abused

50+ Connection Questions

Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!

Use them at:

meal times, car rides, as a “calm down” trick, for dinner time conversation, or any time the day is getting chaotic or you need a reset to connect.

Books Dealing with Traumatic Abuse

These books may help your child navigate through the emotions that come from having experienced traumatic abuse.

  • What’s Inside Your Backpack? – This book is written to help children with coping skills after experiencing a trauma. It’s written creatively with the backpack symbolizing life and books inside the bag as dramatic things the main character has gone though.
  • Trauma: Teaching Kids All About Trauma – This book aims to teach how to navigate feelings, address hard emotions, and cope with systematic abuse.
  • Everyone Feels Angry Sometimes – According to therapists, this book teaches the essential steps to anger management and frustrations.
  • Healing Days – This book is a guide for kids who have experienced trauma. It covers feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.
  • Brave Bart – Brave Bart is a story for traumatized and grieving children. It helps normalize the feeling associated with trauma and abuse.
  • A Big Bad Wolf in My House – This story is told from the child’s perspective when an abuser moved into her house. It takes the reader through coping with the abuse and healing processes.

Books Dealing with Sexual Abuse

Abuse comes in all forms, but sexual abuse is one that deserves some topics of discussion.

Here are some books dealing with sexual abuse to help children through indescribably difficult situations:

  • Repair for Kids: A Children’s Program – This book is a six step program for children recovering from incest and childhood sexual abuse. Visit lovinghealing.com for a wide variety of programs covering many topics and areas of abuse.
  • Once I was Very Scared – This story helps children understand and navigate though their hardest emotions. It may be able to assist in developing the coping skills to deal with abuse.
  • A Terrible Thing Happened – The main character of this story say a terrible thing and was unable to forget it. He had nightmares and anxiety because of it. Read to discover how he started to heal from this trauma.
  • When I Was Little – This is the story of a child’s journey in overcoming abuse and trauma. It’s written for children with the aim of helping kids share difficult feelings and emotions.
  • Loving Touches – Loving Touches was written for children to understand what love is supposed to feel like. It takes them through (at various ages) what appropriate touches are.
  • How Long Does it Hurt – This book is written by survivors of sexual abuse for older children/teenagers. It talks about overcoming the damages of abuse and being a surviver.
Reading books on abuse for kids.

Books about Therapy

These may not all specifically deal with therapy, but they do deal with opening up… and knowing who is safe to share with.

  • Some Bunny to Talk To – This book warms the child up to the idea of talking with a therapist. Therapy could be an important part of healing from abuse, so it’s something to look at if the child is nervous about it.
  • No More Bad Secrets – This book addresses the difference between a good and a bad secret and how to share the bad secrets when it’s important to do so.
  • Do You Have a Secret – Sometimes it’s difficult for children to comprehend who they can trust and who they shouldn’t. Do You Have a Secret addresses who kids should share their secrets with.
  • Feeling Better – Feeling Better is a kids book about going to therapy. It’s written in a journal format from a twelve year old who is afraid of opening up.
  • Therapy & Me – Though the topic of this book is grief (not abuse), Therapy & Me touches on some wonderful moments where a child is able to open up to a councilor and get some relief.
Read These While You’re At It
25+ Picture Books For Kids To Explain Hard TopicsHow Child Abusers “Groom” Victims and Family SafeguardsSilent Warning Signs for Child Abuse and What To Do About ItThe Mama Bear Instinct – Why We Have It And What It Does

Interactive/Workbook Style Books

Reading is great and almost always helpful. But, sometimes it’s good to have some interactive options. These lessons, workbooks, and interactive activities may help children cope with the effects of abuse.

50+ Connection Questions

Pull out these fun connecting questions to share some laughs with your precious ones!

Use them at:

meal times, car rides, as a “calm down” trick, for dinner time conversation, or any time the day is getting chaotic or you need a reset to connect.

Neglect is a form of abuse. Here is one last book that deals with the effects when children have to care for themselves, others, or too many things on their own. Somebody Cares is a guide for kids who have experienced neglect.

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Why Moms Struggle Being Present – It Ain’t Your Phone

Moms everywhere are struggling to be present. Is is their fault? Or is something else happening in our generation? Here are the main reasons and it has nothing to do with your phone:

After chatting with some mom friends, I had an epiphany.

We often blame screens for why we aren’t present and, yes, that can be a factor. But also… there are other really important reasons.

So Much to Do & Not Enough Time to Do It

Mom’s have so much to do and we feel like don’t ever have enough time.

And actually modern times have enhanced this. Because there have been so any conveniences added to our lives, we stack on the things.

Angry Mom CHECKLIST

Ready to try and deal with this temper of yours? Let this checklist help you get a handle on it.

For example… we make grocery story pick ups, so that gives us more time to add on other things in the day. Things that normally wouldn’t even be there.

Life becomes overloaded.

The truth is that if you have 50 things bouncing around in your mind, listening to you kids really long stories or ideas is challenging. It becomes hard to sit and play LEGOS.

It’s totally natural that if you have tons of things to do, you’re going to find it hard to be present in the moment.

Your brain is going to be totally distracted with the list of things to do in your brain.

Let’s prioritize.

Now, we know we’re going to prioritize our kids over these things. But moms struggle being present with the list in our mind.

So…

  • Take all the things off your list that don’e actually have to be done.
  • But boundaries around the time needed to do the necessary things.
  • Get the things done that truly need doing.
  • Don’t procrastinate.
  • Make time and a plan to do the necessary things.

Don’t procrastinate because if you do, they will still be there nagging at your brain.

And, then you will find that your brain will allow to to enjoy the present.

Unsolved Problems Consuming Our Mind

If you have got some “open ended problems” like…

  • Something that’s not working
  • An ongoing situation
  • One of your kids is having an ongoing problem
  • Financial struggles
  • A nagging job situation
  • Relationship problems
  • Health problems
  • Etc.

We are made for our brains to ruminate on our problems. It’s natural.

So, you can either berate yourself over thinking about your problems or solve them.

I’m not saying that your problems are an easy fix, but I am saying that unsolved problems cause stress. I am saying that lecturing yourself about having them is only making it worse.

Of course we know that in the grand scheme of things, our children are more important than our problems. However, chances are that our problems directly affect them.

And… moms struggle being present when this happens.

Make a brain dump of all of your problems…

It’s not going to be fun. Furthermore, some of them have immediate fixes, but others not so much.

  • Solve the easy problems quick.
  • Think outside the box.
  • Be creative in your solution and don’t worry what others think.
  • Do what we need to do to solve our problems.
Mom struggles being present with young child.

We Need Time Alone

Some of us are introverted and need time alone. If this is how you energize, you have to have that time alone.

If you don’t take that time alone, you’re always going to be craving it.

Even if you’re not introverted and you never get that quiet time…

Your instinct is going to be always driving the kids away. Moms struggle being present when they are “driving” their kids away.

  • You’re going to be in a crowd and wanting to go hide.
  • Playing games with your kids, but you want to go along.
  • Anytime someone else comes by, you’re going to want to go lock yourself away and be alone.

Consider this: If all your time is spent wanting to be alone, you need more time alone.

You could berate yourself and be like “It’s so selfish to want to be alone.” But, you’re going to live like this until your kids leave…

You’ll have lots of time when your kids are grown. But, then you’ll feel guilty about spending their entire childhood wishing you could escape them.

Just take some time.

Read These While You’re At It
5 Instant Stress Busters For Overwhelmed MomsA Surprising Root Of Mom Guilt – And 4 Ways To Overcome ItDesperate Housewife Syndrome… Signs, Symptoms & SolutionsEvening Routines for Moms That Erase Stress and Give Peace

We Can’t Relax

Hypervigilance… this is what we have when we have a 2 year old, a 1 year old, or a baby.

You know, when your nervous system is constancy firing information. Your child is…

  • Going where they aren’t supposed to go,
  • climbing things,
  • putting things in their mouth,
  • licking the cat, or
  • whatever.

It’s very stressful.

This is a real situation for moms who have gone through pregnancy with small children. We wouldn’t consider ourselves malnourished…

Buy possibly we’re not optimally nourished.

There are stressors affecting us. Stressors at home, marriage, extended family, etc. If we are constantly dumping cortisol and adrenaline into our body, we start living in this heightened state. Eventually, our adrenals crash.

When your nervous system is on edge… someone waking up behind you can be a terrifying thing. Obviously your nervous system is shot.

It’s not an easy fix, but I want to comfort you. I want to validate your feelings.

Since you’re living in this state, you want to run and hide. You want to sleep all day. It’s natural and expected.

Your body is wanting to heal. Often times we don’t have that time luxury…

But we can still take the steps needed to heal.

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.

We’re in Survival Mode

When we’re in serval mode, we’re driven to want to escape.

It’s my hope that as you read this you’re feeling encouraged. It’s not that you’re a bad mom when you struggle to be present. Instead, it’s because you’re not being mindful of your own needs.

Take a step back. Make a long term strategy to help balance because it’s not that you don’t want to be with your kids.

It’s not that you don’t enjoy your kids company.

The issue is all of the other things are so “urgent feeling” to your spirit/body/mind. And, your nervous system is throwing up red flags because of it.

These red flags are there to tell you that you’re…

  • crumbing,
  • crashing, and
  • ignoring the signs.

We typically end up in survival mode because we ignore what our nervous system is telling us. It could be edged on by lack of sleep or unfixed problems.

To fix this we need to ask ourselves- what are your boundaries?

I’ve written a book on this: If Mama Ain’t Happy – Why minding healthy boundaries is good for your whole family.

You may have to help yourself from the ground up. It will feel like a life rebuild and that’s ok. But what I want you to do in meantime is stop berating yourself because it’s hard to be present.

The reason why it’s hard to be present is because there are some things that need addressing. Don’t just spiritually bypass and simply pray to be more present.

Of course you can do that. But, it’s not gong to work if all of these other issues aren’t dealt with.

Daycare Won’t Rock Baby To Sleep? Here’s What To Do.

Does baby struggle napping during the day because daycare won’t rock him or her to sleep? Never fear, we’ll dive into how you can support baby in sleeping well, even at daycare.

My cousin wrote me with a quandary recently, it went something like this.

The baby barely sleeps all day at daycare because they won’t rock him to sleep like we do… what do I do?

Ahh… it’s hard enough to drop baby off at daycare when it all goes well. How much harder when they won’t rock baby to sleep like you do and you know he isn’t sleeping well.

First things first… sleep is a gift.

Many mothers feel such awful guilt about baby sleep training they can barely think about it without feeling like a Bad Mom.

But the facts are simple and incontrovertible: sleep is necessary for survival and long restorative stretches of sleep are needed for optimal development.

So to think that helping baby learn to sleep is mean or cruel is… misguided and also lies.

Instead reframe your thoughts to the following.

Teaching baby how to sleep on their own is a gift. It’s a gift because now, any time baby is tired (night or day) he or she can fall asleep. Whenever they want. For however long they want.

Who are you to deprive them of this?

28 things to try if baby won't sleep, baby in crib

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t *stay* asleep, or is unsettled in general.

Why baby needs to learn to sleep on their own

If baby is at daycare during the day then naps are going to happen there. For many babies, they simply carry out daycare habits, aka: all babies go to sleep at the same time regardless of age.

If you think that’s not possible, I encourage you to go visit a daycare during naptime. This will, once and for all, remove the idea that kids can’t nap on schedule.

Anyway, daycare will not likely adhere to your specific nap schedule or baby’s wake windows. Because this will mean each baby is on a different schedule which is unwieldly.

This means baby needs the ability to get to sleep on their own so they can sleep when they’re put down for a nap.

Read These While You’re At It
Is Sleep Training A Baby Bad Or Dangerous? Let’s Talk Facts!12 Medical Reasons Your Baby’s Not Sleeping (With Symptoms Of Each)7 Reasons Your Baby Still Wakes Up At Night – And What To Do7 Simple Reasons Why Your Baby Won’t Nap & What To Do

Should I find a daycare that will rock baby to sleep?

If you can find a small daycare – or a home daycare – that will help put your baby to sleep how he likes it, then go for it.

However, at some point, you’re still going to have to help baby learn to sleep independently for their own good. If you want to be able to have other family members, daycare workers, and babysitters put your baby down for a nap or bedtime, you’ll likely need to teach baby independent sleep.

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t *stay* asleep, or is unsettled in general.

How to teach baby to get to sleep without The Bag Of Tricks

There are a lot of ways to skin a cat.

Whether you are a mainstream mama or a gentle mama, don’t just resign yourself to years of exhaustion and poor napping (which punishes baby AND you!) because you think sleep training is cruel.

  • There are both hands on approaches and hands off approaches.
  • In room sleep training techniques and out of room sleep training techniques.
  • Methods that are done and dusted in a few days, and others that are more gradual and can take up to two weeks.

My class Sleep Little Lamb (linked below) can help you with all of the above.

Essentially, you are going to choose a time when sleep will be done differently. You’ll choose a settling method that fits your own preferences and baby’s personality.

This is important because super hands-on in-room approaches backfire on social babies.

Then you’ll consistently and carefully teach baby to sleep on their own. This will take anywhere from a couple of days to a few weeks, depending on your method. By the end, you’ll have a baby who can more or less sleep at daycare.

Or someone else’s house.

Or out and about on naps.

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t stay asleep, or is unsettled in general.

How long does it take to teach baby to sleep on their own?

If you choose a fast cry-based approach it’ll typically take up to 3 days. This will be more crying first night, less on second night, a burst on third night, barely any crying onward from there.

Mamas who choose a more gentle, hands on, in room, gradual approach to sleep training will need to dedicate about 2 weeks from start to finish.

Pros and cons to consider

  • Faster sleep strategies are good if you have a new baby coming home, are getting surgery, going back to work, or in such a desperate mental health state you can’t take it anymore.
  • More gradual sleep approaches are good if you’ve been co-sleeping or otherwise practicing very attachment based practices. They’ll be easier on mama and baby as well.
  • Be willing to switch up methods. If you try a gradual and it’s going awry, you can always switch. Try NOT to switch from cry based to gradual. If you are unsure, start with a gradual approach.
  • Slower more gradual methods require a lot more discipline and follow through. Because you’re taking smaller steps to a goal, there’s often a lot of 2 steps forward, 2 steps back. If you aren’t on a time crunch, it won’t matter. If you have an upcoming reason (like surgery or new baby, etc.) then I’d start far out from the deadline, or use a fast approach.

Sources:

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Moms Are Miserable Because They Do These Things

Don’t make yourself miserable by being a martyr mom. If you’re feeling this way, you may be doing one of these things:

Modern moms are miserable because we have moved into an alternate reality.

Let’s talk about some modern things that we have absorbed into our parenting and lifestyles that are making us miserable.

We are connected more than ever.

Nowadays, we are daily connected to everyone on the planet. In times past we were connected to:

  • our neighbors,
  • people around us, or
  • what we read in the newspaper.

Now in our hand, we can look and easily see…

  • “That one woman that I don’t really know but she has really cute shoes. She is on a cruise with her kids… I’ve never taken my kids on a cruise.“
  • “That one lady I follow from a different country. I don’t know her but I love her decorating style. She just did her bathroom for under $2,000. Our bathroom is so ugly.“

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.

We’re just so connected to everyone that we’re either always comparing ourselves to someone or fighting not to.

Even if we don’t care to compare, we still have it all these examples of “the good life” in our face.

Then we look at our own life. Where we have to cook, and clean, and everyone needs us.

Read: True or False: If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy

We think a good connection with our kids means they won’t do wrong.

Now, don’t send me hate mail. But, we think that all we have to do is have a great connection with our kids and they will do no wrong.

Do we need to spend time with them? Of course! Do we need to be connected to them? Yes!

Does this mean that they will always act right?

NO!

Sometimes our kids just act naughty because they wanted to. Kids are going to fight and misbehave sometimes. It’s just part of it.

Now did this happen because you didn’t play LEGOS with them for ten minutes before this started? No.

We’re wanting to be so positive and focused on connection that we’ve actually started to blame ourselves for their childlike behavior.

If I didn’t really look them in the eye and listen to their twelve minute monologue about Pokemon, then that is the reason why they went to school and cheated. No it a’int!

They just did it because they don’t have all the skills to make great life decisions yet. Because they are human.

Mom’s think: All kids are born perfect and all my failings is what ruins them. We believe that if we are perfect than our kids will do no wrong.

This leads me to my next point…

We think being permissive is being positive.

This is probably an unpopular opinion. But, I need someone to agree with me.

We don’t phrase it like this, but our actions show that we think being permissive is positive.

This could be because the pendulum has swung. Some parenting things from the past were “real bad” so we swing our ideas way over to the other side.

We wouldn’t admit that this is happening but we may say:

  • “I’m going to give you a seventeenth chance to make a good choice right now. If you don’t then I’m going to have a very disappointed look on my face while I hand you your tablet and let you play for three hours.”

We have become super permissive because we think that keeping a boundary is mean. Unfortunately, we think that if we actually have to respond to a behavior then we are doing them wrong.

Oh no, my child just ran out into the street and said a bad word. They hit someone, or whatever. But I don’t want to have to deal with this. So what will be better for them if tomorrow we go spend some special time together at the park and I’ll get them some ice cream. Then they won’t act up… hmmm…

Miserable mom because she is passive.

We’ve abandoned natural law.

The sun rises. The sun sets. Our bodies, soul, and mind need certain things.

We have decided that we can do whatever we “decide to do”, even if it’s not good for our bodies.

Mom’s have just decided that certain amounts of sleep don’t matter, etc. But what happens is that we’re actually over taxing ourselves. This causes us to be come dis-eased or even diseased.

  • adrenal issues
  • thyroid issues
  • hormonal issues
  • other stress-related disorders

We become so stressed because we have forgotten that not everything is mind over matter. We have limits.

When we ignore our bodies to do whatever we think we need to do, we are hurting ourselves. This isn’t how it works. We are- spirit, soul, and body.

If we abandon any of them, much less two or all of them… we become miserable.

We do things we don’t want to do and then blame other people.

When we do this, it’s called boundary bending. If you get to place where you’re like “ok, I’ll do it” because you’ve been pressured, you get mad. You’re resentful and eventually blame them for being miserable.

But, you’re the one that bent the boundary.

Mom’s are:

  • doing all kind’s of things that don’t make sense for them
  • keeping crazy scheduled they don’t like
  • having a hard time saying “no”

Doing these things anyway make a mom miserable, mad, and resentful.

We may blame other people for our unhappiness when this happens. For example, you may blame your husband because he “doesn’t like your crazy ideas.”

Do this:

  • Get a notebook (or an app).
  • Start to think about the things you don’t like to do.
  • Make a list for your recognition.
  • Did you give in to your kids demands?
  • Did you agree to go somewhere you didn’t want to go?
  • How often do you go against your God given instinct?

Job says it like this: “Who gives intuition to the heart and instinct to the mind?” If you’re going against this, you’re going to be miserable. Trust yourself a little bit and know the kids are going to be ok.

You can’t spend all day doing things you don’t want to do and going against what you need and be happy. It is going to make you miserable.

We repress our feelings until we feel the need to escape.

“I’m stressed but I’m not going to feel that.”

“I’m annoyed at that but I’m not going to feel that.”

Ahhhhhh…..

What we do is begin to feel angry at ourselves for feeling upset or annoyed. When in reality, you should be annoyed that your child just interrupted you for the 79th time.

  • Some moms fall into the trap of believing that if they were just a more gentle parent, their kids would behave better. In reality, children will be children. They make bad choices and just do them sometimes.

If we are always trying to repress what we’re feeling about everything, then eventually we stop being able to understand how we’re actually feeling. Then, we find ourself in a place where we are out of touch with what we like or even need.

We are literally going through our days – stuffing everything down.

I talk about this a lot in my book. It’s called the emotional basement. What we do is stuff and we stuff until we explode. Then we yell and feel guilty about it.

The reason we’re repressed is because we don’t think we’re allowed to feel all these things. We think we’re supposed to martyr ourselves for everybody in order for them to be ok.

Bonus: We think that in order to keep the kids “ok” we have to do all their wants and whims. If it goes against what what I’m feeling or wanting then I need to completely ignore myself.

Well, I’m gong to give you a spoiler alert- this isn’t going to make kids more adjusted. It’s going to make them entitled and selfish.

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!

Don’t spend your whole life erasing yourself to do whatever they want. I know this opinion is unpopular but I’m on everyone’s side here, and it’s the truth.

When mom’s happy and at peace, everyone else has a better chance of being at peace as well.

Getting Out the Door with Kids… (Without Drama or Tears!)

Getting out the door with kids can be stressful, tiring, and make you want to stay home. Here’s how to get out the door with kids!

The kids are loosing it, everybody is using it.

The other day I ended up going somewhere and one of my kids didn’t have shoes on. I had to put him on my back and carry him. He is five! How did he not know this. I don’t know…

I didn’t know it was such a big problem getting out the door with kids (myself included sometimes).

So let’s talk about simplifying this part of life. So whether you’re headed to the store, park, church, or whatever… these tips will help.

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!

Plan Ahead

I’m not necessarily talking about them preparing themselves, I’m talking about mom having some things prepared before hand.

  • Plan ahead by putting some things in the car the night before.
  • Pack bags that can be pre-packed.
  • Go ahead and load up heavy items, etc.

First of all, this will help with the stress of getting out the door with kids. Packing things ahead of time takes some of the pressure off.

When we put on the pressure, it goes down to the kids and before you know it… everything goes to pot.

When Getting Out the Door with Kids, Start Early

Now, I made this mistake a year ago. I decided that I wasn’t going to get them up too early for school because I felt like they needed sleep (you know I care a lot about sleep).

Then, I decided I was going to get them up “just in time” to get ready. Let me tell you…

It didn’t work!

Because kids- you know-

  • they get up,
  • stare at the wall a bit,
  • then read their comic book,
  • come down and eat, but
  • they haven’t even gotten dressed yet.

They needs lots of reminders. And so they go back to get dressed, but then their food is too hot. Having just enough time just doesn’t work with kids.

Having just enough time is a recipe for stress when you’re working on getting out the door with kids.

Read These While You’re At It
Kids’ Morning & Bedtime Routine Charts For Independent Kids20+ Ways To Use A Timer With Kids (Great For Routines!)5 Daily Habits For Kids That Makes Your Life EasierBack To School Checklists – What to Buy & What to Organize

All of this could be avoided by adding on at least 15+ minutes. Everything is less manic when you are not stressed about getting out the door with kids.

If you know you have to leave by 11 (instead of being like “it’s 10:45 we need to go) get everybody ready at 10 and then just let them play.

Getting out the door can be challenging with multiple kids.

Drop the Desperation & Take on the Authority

In the past I have taken a tone of desperation and been like… 😭

Can’t y’all just get your shoes on. Or why do you have to go to the bathroom right before…

At this point we feel powerless and not in control. We start to think “well I’m pathetic” and the kids notice.

After that, they think that mom is going to have a moment and decide to go and get that board game they were just thinking about doing.

Now, that’s the opposite of getting out the door with kids.

Think of it this way: you literally are the boss. You’re the one in charge. Put on that authority and act like it. Get the tone in your voice that will demand their attention without being mean.

Prioritize Your Routine

  • Use routine cards
  • Have the routine so ingrained
  • Have routine visuals somewhere specific

My son who is ADHD has routine cards in his room where he can visually see what to do. His doctor says that the less I can verbally direct him the better.

For some kids, the more they can reference something and go to it on their own, the better they feel about it. They feel less put upon and can be more agreeable to do certain tasks.

This is great for toddlers and preschoolers as well. We’re not doing a bunch of different things each day. The routine is there and its consistent- particularly if it’s a school morning routine.

Routines are important especially as they get older. You don’t want them to wake up and then just wait around waiting on you to remind them to get dressed.

Make Sure Your “Headed out the Door” Area is Ready to Go

Wherever you go in and out- take the time to make this a command center for leading.

  • A bakset for shoes
  • Hooks for backpacks
  • Where you keep the diaper bag
  • The shelf for the pool back, library bag, etc.

Keep the areas designated for where you get ready to leave organized and with a purposes.

So instead of you coming in and putting things around the house and then frantically looking for them next time you have to go… everything is where it’s easy to grab.

Take some time on this. Go there… to that place and plan what needs to go in this space. Think, the people have to get ready but the things will be ready to go.

Read These While You’re At It
Parenting Shifts in the Past Century- Positives, the Negatives, and ShiftsSimple Table Manners For Kids So You Don’t Dread DinnertimeThe Difference in Leading and Being a Mom DictatorWhy We Shouldn’t “Trick” Our Kids Into Obeying

Positive Parenting Tip

When I get under stress I seem to be like “hello, what is going on and what are you people doing?”

  • So If I’m running late or not prepared… I get stressed. One thing I like to do to break that if it starts happening is to stop and just be silly about it.

This is just a great positive parenting tip that really helps break the stress. So let’s say you’re about to yell but instead you make a funny joke or say your words in a “sing song” voice to break it up.

This can help break the tension if they are feeling some of the stress that you’re creating.

So keep this in your toolbox if you think you’re about to yell. You can go to this strategy when you want to still communicate the urgency- but without the anger.

Get One Child Ready at Time

One thing I did, especially when I had 5 kids under 5 years old, and had problems getting everybody out the door- is get one child ready at a time.

So what I would do is get one of them totally ready. I would go strap him in and then repeat until they were all in the vehicle.

It will be less like you’re trying to herd everybody out together and you can focus on one child at a time.

Angry Mom CHECKLIST

Ready to try and deal with this temper of yours? Let this checklist help you get a handle on it.

Refill Bags for Certain Purposes

  • Keep a bag of towels,
  • bag of extra clothes (or shoes),
  • snacks, or
  • whatever you may need an entire bag of for what you do regularly in life.

You can keep this in the van or by the door (wherever your command area is). This will simplify getting out the door with kids should you not feel like packing or are in a bug hurry.

Avoid Chaos During Dinner Prep… Use These Hacks!

Life can be hectic, and dinner prep can be the source of a busy mom’s stress. Here are some sure ways to avoid the chaos when trying to cook dinner.

Let’t talk about what to do when you have to make dinner, but it’s the crazy bad hour when nobody is happy.

No matter the age of your kids, everybody has to eat.

Whatever the season of life you’re in, everyone still has to eat.

So let’s get into exactly what we can do to make dinnertime prep and cooking less stressful.

This is a good time for screen time.

I’m a big proponent of not randomly resorting to screen time. Instead, use it in a way that is beneficial to you.

The empty time during the morning or when you’re just bored is not the time for screen time. Screen time is for when it’s necessary for you to get some things done. In this case, dinnertime.

This may be a movie for the kids or an iPad close to where you are.

Using screen time during this time is a way to get yourself some peace while you’re making dinner.

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Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!

Try to prep dinner beforehand.

Don’t leave everything for you to do at that dinnertime hour. Try prepping some of your meal in the morning time or nap time.

This could be based on the season of life you’re in. I’ve had times where I didn’t have time earlier in the day because of work and had it all to do at dinnertime.

But if possible and you can prep it before…

  • put it on the sheet pan,
  • get the slow cooker ready, or
  • prep a skillet meal.

If you can prep it earlier than it takes left effort and time when it’s dinnertime. This can go a long way in know feeling that “dread & doom” time comes.

You know, 4:30-5:00, or whatever time you are getting dinner ready. Maybe kids are getting up from their nap or older kids are finishing up homework. Everyone is a little fussy, mom too.

Now everyone still has to eat.

So, it that “dread & doom” time is tough for you anticipate the nights that it may be the worst and try to plan ahead.

Minimize cooking time.

Minimize cooking times on those very busy nights.

For example, there was a time when my daughter had gymnastics and I knew it was going to be super busy we would do something very simple.

We might do something like:

  • toast, fruit, and cheese,
  • cereal,
  • chopped veggies, or
  • breakfast foods AKA oatmeal/grits packets.

So something that will still fill you and doesn’t require a lot of cooking. And, you can do this fast so meal prep is super easy.

Give kids something to do on their own while you’re cooking dinner.

Another thing you can do (especially during this one-year old stage) where they are climbing from one end of the room to another and brought down several things is give them something independent to do.

Moms, it’s super hard. I get it. Especially if the baby on your hip while you’re cooking.

So, put the little one’s in high chairs and give them some crayons or toys. Don’t have them doing something like painting that requires a lot of your attention.

Have them stay right there where you can see them while your cooking and

  • read books,
  • play with toys,
  • watch their iPad,
  • or something easy.

This will avoid you having to run from room to room making sure they don’t eat LEGOS and meanwhile, something is burning.

Just keep them near you and make it a rule. “You’re staying in this room while I’m cooking. It’s happening and unless you’re going potty, you’re staying here.”

Make it a rule and enforce it. This way you’re not feeling frantic. And, you know everyone is safe.

When we make a boundary and the kids break it, that’s when we start to feel frantic. If they don’t obey the rule, we start to build anger and get upset that everything isn’t going smooth like we had planned.

Read These While You’re At It
Boundaries, Family Rules, & Strong-Willed Children… Oh My!Boundaries: The Only Way To Stay Sane In Motherhood & LifeHow To Live Within Your Limits And Hold Your BoundariesIs My Child Strong-Willed or Just Acting Naughty? Let’s Find Out!

Then, we get tend to feel guilty about being upset. But in reality, they should have obeyed the rule to begin with.

Facilitate help in the kitchen.

If you have a wild card child that you know you need to keep an extra eye on– have them be a helper. Or, you can also rotate helpers in the kitchen if you have multiple kids.

Maybe some are busy with screen time or independent play, meanwhile one child is help cooking.

Think of the benefits to this-

  • basic food knowledge
  • life skills
  • information on how to cook dinner
  • teamwork
  • bonding time with mom
  • it’s one less kid to be out doing whatever

I have one child who has ADHD. If I need to keep him with me and cook, everyone else is usually doing something calmly. When things get busy and hectic, this really works to keep my sanity.

Dinner doesn’t have to be fancy.

Back when we lived in Australia, I had a friend with three kids and busy lifestyle.

Her first born was premature and they had to do the hospital back and forth. Then when she had the two others, she had three young children.

She changed the standard of dinner (and communicated this with her husband). You literally can eat it and that’s the goal.

The goal of dinner is that is was edible.

Basically it wasn’t the season of life for her to be fancy. It was’t the season of life for:

  • fancy cheeses,
  • specific diets,
  • etc.

Some nights dinner is just going to be buttered pasta.

So if you’re in a super busy or stressful season of life (new baby, playoff time, school events, etc.) than you get to decide the standard for your dinnertime.

You may have to lower your standard in certain seasons of life and that’s ok. Think realistically about the season of life you’re in your meals.

Think what your “pie in the sky” wish is for dinner and then lower it to a level that you can achieve.

After you do this, then you can research some recipes and plans for achieving dinnertime for the season of life you’re in. Within your ability to do it.

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In just 15 minutes a night (while you’re in your pajamas!) take your home (and heart and mind) from stressed out to organized.

My main point is this…

If you’re the one having to do it all, you’ve got to realize what your limits and standards are… reasonably.

Let go of all the rest of the guilt. Stick with what you can do.

Then, as the kids are older and life changes you’re have more room to experiment and make fancy meals.

But if you’re in this season of life, you just gotta do the best you can.

Parenting Mindsets that bring you PEACE vs. STRESS

If you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed, it may be time to take a look at your day-to- day mindset. These seven parenting mindsets can really change your overall mood from stressed out to peaceful.

These life hacks will make your life feel much easier.

You’re much more likely to stop feeling like you’re running around the house like a chicken with its head cut off.

Change your parenting mindset to being “OK” with less stuff.

Decluttering… it’s the best way to ease stress.

This is the number one way to simplify your life is to massively declutter. It’s that simple.

If you have less stuff, you have less stress. The less stuff you have the less stuff you have to…

  • organize
  • put away
  • around visually, and
  • disrupting your vibe.

Also, your home environment is more peaceful and you’re doing less things to manage the things you bought. You’re also spending less money, etc.

Simply put, having less makes life easier.

It’s a parenting mindset that can be hard for some. Try to get yourself over the initial hurdle of getting rid of stuff. Then, life starts to feel so good.

Try this if you’re having a stressful day: take a trash bag around the house and throw a bunch of stuff away. It may seem strange, but it works for me.

Try this clothing hack to ease stress.

Try having just about 7 normal outfits (per season) per each kid (not including pajamas, church clothes).

With this, one load of laundry on the weekend and DONE!

Shoes are the same way. What I do is give each kid one pair of shoes for the season.

  • There won’t be shoes all over the house and
  • they will take care of them more because they have just the one pair.

Don’t do things that aren’t necessary.

Try eliminating doing things that aren’t totally necessary. Ironing for example. If your parenting mindset is to do everything 100% of the time, you will be stressed out.

So give yourself a break and do the things you love, but don’t do the things that you hate (if they aren’t necessary).

So… If you hate ironing, stop wearing clothes that require it and eliminate that chore.

Self-Care Routine Tracker

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Try this parenting mindset hack: macro-organize instead of micro-organize.

You may not need to micro-organize your sock drawer, all the books on the shelves, etc.

Now, micro-organizing may be satisfying but keeping up with this rigor of organization may be too much work. Especially if nobody else in the family loves it.

So, instead of color coordinating everything or putting labels on even the smallest things, develop a macro-organization plan.

  • Use baskets for toys in the kids rooms or living room, etc.

If you don’t love to organize and want the kids to be able to put their toys right back away… use baskets and throw everything in there.

Read These While You’re At It
How to Get Rid of Toys Without Upsetting the Townschildren10 Things Every Mother Needs on Automatic DeliveryBookshelves can be functional and pretty and used for more than storing books. They are easy and effortless organization6 Easy and Effortless Tips for Organization with KidsCommon Habits Of Organized Stay At Home Moms – With Printable!

Do everything in the right order.

This particular parenting mindset is key to having agreeable children and don’t argue about every step of the way.

Doing everything in the right order means that we can’t necessarily move on to the next task until the thing before it is done.

This helps with so many things. It helps get…

  • cooperation,
  • prevent resistance,
  • helps with transitions,
  • when I know I’m going to ask them to do something they don’t want to do, and
  • when I want them do have some buy in.

So, if you have some basic orders in the right order then things become easier to handle.

For example, you can have screen time after chores. Or, you can play in the pool after your room is clean.

Try to order things to where you’re getting the most amount of cooperation and the least amount of resistance.

Put things where kids can reach them.

Putting things such as:

  • cups
  • plates
  • snacks in the pantry
  • snacks in the fridge

where kids know how, when, and where to get them.

This was a big thing for me, especially because at one point I had 5 kids under 5 years old. I felt “wood-pecked”. They always needed something and so one day it just clicked.

Putting some things where they could reach was a game changer and helped them become more independent too.

In order to stop feeling so “wood pecked” try putting some things where they can independently do some things for themselves.

  • Are there clothes too high in their closet (ones they can put on themselves)?
  • Are there toys in their room that they always have to ask you to get down?

Start seeing what they can do on their own and allowing them to reach these things. They will in turn help them grow independently and in those life skills.

Read: 5 Ways We Accidentally Set Our Kids Up For Hardship

101+ 15 Minute Projects

In just 15 minutes a night (while you’re in your pajamas!) take your home (and heart and mind) from stressed out to organized.

Make sure everything is right there when you’re eating dinner.

If dinner time makes you nuts because kids are always getting up and down. For us, we like to try to do a family dinnertime devotional. That’s hard to do when they are playing musical chairs…

Here is a tip- make sure you put it all on the table. Go ahead and put all the sauces, napkins, etc. on the table.

Now, we can practice the life skill of passing… and nobody is running around the table. You see, adapt this parenting mindset that life lessons can be learned whenever.

This point also can be used in other areas like sporting events, for example. If you are all going to the ballpark, have everything you need in one place.

This leads me to my last point:

Like group things together regardless of who they belong to.

An example of storing things together regardless of who they belong to are shoes. They could all be at the back door and not in each kids room.

Basically, if you have to scoop it up to go somewhere- put then together in an easy way. This is one little step that can be done in order to make things much easier. Things to group together are:

  • shoes
  • backpacks
  • jackets
  • supplies
  • sporting equipment
  • outside toys

If mama ain’t happy…

When you know you’re past the point and you’re just over it. You feel the stress taking over. I want to encourage you to just drop some stuff.

Drop some stuff that doesn’t really matter. Like ironing…

These types of things really go a long way in keeping you out of the flight or fight in the every day. Keep that stress out of your day to day.

And, before you know if you’re going weeks and you’re feeling better.

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