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94% of adult Christians made their decision under the age of 18

94 percent of christians were saved in childhood

According to the Barna Group, only 6% of adult Christians made their decision to follow God over the age of 18. That means 94% made decisions as children that follow with them throughout their life. Wow. That is encouraging. And scary. And then encouraging again. That means that there is no time like the present to be shepherding their little hearts.

Just to get this out of the way, I know that everyone must decide to follow Christ on their own and, as parents, we know we cannot make that decision for our children. There are surely many things we can do that will help our children see Jesus as He is, and there are also many things we might do unintentionally that can become stumbling blocks for our children in their spiritual journey. Salvation belongs to the Lord (Psalm 3:8) and it is not up to us to save our children. We can, however, live a life with God that encourages our children to go on their own spiritual journey.

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We’re ACCIDENTALLY raising entitled kids – Here’s how to stop!

It may be easier to raise entitled kids than you think. These common parenting mistakes are what causes moms to raise entitled kids in today’s world:

Did you know there were parenting things you’re probably doing that could be causing entitlement?

Entitlement: When kids expect to always get what they want, irregardless of what they put in.

Let’s talk about some guilt laden parening habits. These habits don’e produce good fruit. So, let’s stop doing this.

Stopping for Everything

This is where you always immediately stop to deal with the crisis (or fake crisis) the your child is having. Of course I’m not talking about babies or very little toddlers. Although, even then they can wait.

I’m talking about getting in the habit of creating the expectation that no matter what we’re doing, they can just walk up to us and demand things.

They expect that we’re going to drop whatever we’re doing to help them.

You may be:

working,
about to take a shower,
in the bathroom,
doing a chore that requires concentration, or
even relaxing.

But then, your child comes up and immediately demand that you help them right now. This goes beyond basic “mom, can you help me.”

This is when they expect you to drop everything and become outraged when you don’t. If this is happening, it’s a sign that you’ve trained them in this behavior.

Now, they expect you to stop (no matter what you’re doing).

The point I’m getting at here is that when we teach them that we will drop it all, anytime…. they stop thinking about us as humans with needs too.

They think that “Whatever is going on with me, no mater how big or small, mom is going to just drop whatever she’s doing.”

The issue with this is not that parents shouldn’t help kids. Of course we should. The issue is if we continually stop everything (even when they are just going on) than we’re creating entitlement.

And, they will carry this into adulthood and relationships.

Forgetting You’re Human

Entitled kids can happen when moms feel guilty and apologize for normal things.

For example, your child routinely screams at you and refuses to do the reasonable things that you told them to do. You get frustrated and then feel guilty about it.

When you act like you shouldn’t get frustrated at frustrating things, or like you shouldn’t get mad at things that make you mad… you are denying yourself those necessary feelings. Then the guilt sinks in and go immediately go and give them whatever it was your kids wanted.

Children intuitively know that people have reactions to things. And so when we, as moms, don’t allow ourselves to react naturally we are creating an entitlement environment.

For example, child draws all over walls with marker. But mom doesn’t feel right reacting strongly to this type of behavior. She feels guilty about yelling.

Some of our reactions are totally normal given that happened. Our kids need to learn that certain behaviors result in certain reactions (in the human race).

We are humans.

We want to….

be healthy with our reaction,
be calm and centered, and
not have disregulated reactions.

But we’re human. When we train our kids not to teat us like humans- and let them do whatever they want, we’re causing entitlement.

Then, when we react like humans and go “grobbling” back to our kids. We’re creating a sense in them that they can behave however they want and nobody is going to be upset with them.

This isn’t what we want to teach them.

Boundary Bending

This goes along with doing things we don’t want to do, but doing it anyways. Boundary bending is when you make a rule, but the kids come in and “wood peck” you to submission.

Some call this “badgering.” It’s when the kids are unrelenting in their begging and asking for something.

You eventually get so warn down and give in to their demands. Then you feel…

bitter,
resentful,
angry,
guilty, and
like you want to blame the kids.

In reality, you’re feeling upset because you bent your boundary.

So, stop bending them.

If you’re asking a reasonable boundary (something age appropriate, healthy, good for everyone), but you give in to their “wood pecking…. you’re training them to continue in their aggressive forms of communication.

You’re training them to manipulate. Not manipulation in the evil mastermind way. They are learning to manipulate because they learn that if they “do A” enough times, they will get “B”.

So they keep doing it…

We’re training our kids that if they aggressively ask, we will bend our boundaries.

It’s not something we like as humans when we’re older. Therefore, it’s not something we should perpetuate under our own roof.

Read: Kids Fighting In The Car? How Not to Get In a Wreck

Over Functioning/Over Serving

Over functioning has really became a “buzz word.” It’s essentially where we’re taking things on that our kids need to do. We’re doing too much for them.

Now, I’m not talking about your toddler. But, you feel this at every age. As they grow… you can feel them developing and able to take more on.

Say, you go into their room and it’s a total disaster. Instead of waiting for them to come back in and clean up you say, “If it’s going to be done right than I gotta do it myself.”

This actually prevents them from being able to get used to doing these things. You want you kids to get used to doing the things of adult life.

Check out my Chores Guide to get kids started on doing age appropriate chores.

Unlearned Luxury

This is a tough one. Please let me know in the comments what you think about this.

My train of thought is that we can fully let our kids get used to the lifestyle that we have created. Because of this, our kids can get used to this “elite” or even luxurious level of life. They can get things without ever having to work for it.

My daughter just went into the 6th grade. Apparently they now have locker shelves available for purchase. I just shoved my stuff in there in school. But, there’s so many options for buying them. There’s cheap ones all the way up to very expensive ones. Does she need the best one out there? I’m thinking here that I should consider want vs. need.

We want to practice the habit of benevolent deprivation.

Without this, we can cause kids to feel entitled to anything they want. They might never reach the same level of lifestyle we have, but we’ve made them accustomed to having material things that they didn’t really need.

Now, they feel like they have to have them in order to be happy. They could also feel like they deserve these material things no matter what.

Parenting to Emotions

We don’t mean to do this, but it’s common. And, a huge issue in modern parenting. It’s one of the ways that cause our lives to become unmanageable.

This is when you parent to emotions instead of healthy boundaries and appropriate rules.

You are parenting to emotions when the compass for your decisions is based on how your child will react.

It’s 11:00 PM and my four year old doesn’t want to go to bed…

A parent NOT parenting to emotions wouldn’t care what the child wanted. They would just be like “It’s bed time.”
A parent who is parenting to emotions would say, “I know my child needs to go to bed, but they are gong to hate it… so I don’t want to!”

A downfall to parenting with emotions is that once a mom gets up the “gumption” to hold a rule, she becomes apologetic. This can be emotionally damaging and cause a chid to take advantage of every situation.

Let’s Recap

I want you to go with your instincts.

In Job it says, “Who gives intuition to the heart and instinct to the mind?”

You have the intuition and instincts. But when you go against them because of…

guilt,
your child’s emotions,
you’re loosing it in the moment, or
because you’re trying to be a robot.

These things are unnatural.

Therefore, this unnatural behavior causes our kids to take on entitlement. This doesn’t happen overnight, but overtime as we train them in these things, we’re created patterns of behaviors. These behaviors will carry over into adulthood.

Read: Spot On Advice for Husbands of Stay At Home Moms (That She Won’t Tell You!)

7 Questions to Ask Before You Get Your Child A Cell Phone

Are you considering getting your child a cell phone? Before you do, these questions can help you decide if now is the right time:

It’s no question that we live in a social media, smartphone, technological advanced world. The truth is this… our kids will be exposed to this media in one way or another.

As any mom will tell you, we want to keep our kids safe.

At the same time, also afford them the necessary coping skills in order to survive this overly stimulated media world.

It’s so very easy to get overwhelmed.

Yes, I’m telling you that our kids need to learn life skills associated with smartphones and social media use to survive.

Does that mean I need to get them a cell phone?

Read: The Quick List of 7 Top Parental Control Apps in 2023

Let’s ask some valid questions before you get your kids a cell phone… just because our kids want one.

First of all, I’m not under the pressure that I should get my kids something just because they want it. This is true… no matter what they are asking for.

My kids know that just because their friend has something, that doesn’t mean that their parents are going to get it for them.

It’s a fact of life.

Secondly, my job to protect my children outweighs their begging/pleading/bargaining plots to get something they aren’t ready for.

So, how do I know when my kids are ready for a cell phone?

Maybe these questions will help:

Q: Why do I think they need a cell phone?

Are there times in day-to-day life you catch yourself saying, “I wish my child had a cell phone right now.”

If not, then drop the whole thing now.

Some circumstances may cause you to think this.

walking home from school alone
spending lots of time away from you
staying home alone with no other line of communication
to talk with their friends
staying with
to keep them occupied or entertained
for use in school such as research of educational apps
to help improve their organizational skills

So, whatever your reason is, nailing down a good “why” is always a good idea.

Q: What are they going to use it for?

Make a list. What is your child going to use their cell phone for? This can help you decide if it’s time to get one.

Is this a tool going to be used for good? Or, is this an entertainment/communicative device with the goal of some babysitting.

I recommend making a list of the things your child is going to do with their new phone. Then, looking critically at it.

Is what I want them to use it for constitute the risks involved in cell phone use among children?

Statistics don’t lie.

According to 2022 surveys…

1 in 5 children has a phone by age 8.
53 % of kids have a smartphone by the age of 11.
84 % of teenagers have their own phones.
56 % of 11-16 year olds have seen explicit material online.
Kids in families making $35,000 or less a year spend an average of 2 hours MORE a day than kids from families families making more than $100,000 a year.
Tweens spend an average of 2.5 hours a day watching videos on their phones.
Teens spend an average of 2 hours and 52 minutes a day watching videos on their phones.
Girls report liking social media much more than boys do. Seven in 10 teen girls use social media every day.
Social media is associated with anxiety, depression, cyberbullying and self-image issues.
One in nine teens will receive online sexual solicitations.
Video games are mostly associated with problematic overuse or addiction.

Q: Will it contribute to pulling them away from family and INTO the cyber world?

Pulling a child away from their family and into the cyber world is a real threat. Just above I mentioned the dangers of social media associated with anxiety, depression, bullying, and long term self-image issues.

Not to mention the mind bending/manipulative virtual games that are designed by mastermind scientists to hook and addict your children.

Millions of dollars are spent on the virtual world each year- with the purpose of controlling what grown ups do with their time.

Kids are not equipped or mature enough to handle this extreme pressure.

On cell phones, your children will face…

concepts that they aren’t mature enough to explain or understand
images of perfection that they will want to imitate
constant lines of communication to the virtual world
values and morals that don’t line up with your core values

If there’s one major struggle this generation faces- it’s navigating the alleys of the internet in balance to the “real world.”

Is your child ready to engage in this type of warfare? Warfare for their mind, reality, and family time?

Are they mature enough to handle it? Or, are you ready to engulf them in it?

Q: Am I confident in their level of self control?

On a rare occasion, I come across a child who willingly sets their cell phone down.

Sadly, the opposite is much more realistic. Don’t believe me? Look around in any public place you are in, how many people are NOT on their phone?

Why? Because of FOMO, distraction, and desire to escape.

The generation before us doesn’t understand this concept because times were much simpler before social media and worldwide news at our fingertips.

FOMO or “Fear of Missing Out” is non-controllable. It’s the cell phone’s and digital era’s consumption policy.

It’s like this: With the online world, content is constantly changing in order to make you need to check it… all…the…time.

No matter how much “self control” a person has, they are no match for the science and technology that has been put into play on hooking and addicting minds.

Having enough self control is not the item in question.

Instead, it’s a matter of how much protection you want to place over your child.

Q: Am I giving in because of peer pressure?

This goes back to the reasons for or against getting a cell phone. Why do you want your child to have a cell phone? If you can honestly say it’s because…

all of their friends have them,
you want to give them the “cool apps” that other moms are talking about, or
the school is allowing research on cell phones in class

Then, it may be that looking at the dangers vs. benefits is a good idea.

Q: Can I put it off another year?

If in your gut you’re saying, “my child is just a little young for this cell phone business.” Than, maybe asking to put it off another year is a good idea.

After all, there’s no certain age that people have to get a cell phone in order to be “technologically inclined” or shown responsibility.

By the way, those two things:

I don’t want my child to struggle with technology.
I want to show them trust and healthy responsibility.

Are the two main arguments for kids getting cell phones.

Do you think there are other ways to make sure kids are balanced in these areas? You betcha!

Teach them how to type, code, or use different softwares.
Give them age appropriate jobs that require responsibility and trust.

Maybe putting the cell phone off another year to focus on these type of skills would benefit them in the long run?

Q: Have I adequately equipping them with the life skills they need to handle it?

It’s not question that at some point, your child will get an electronic device that gives them communication to the outside world.

Whatever age that is for you, please note that opening the box and saying “here, ya go!” is not all it takes.

Be sure to teach them life skills that deal with:

healthy viewing habits
web surfing safety
boundaries with their device and other people’s device
types of communications to have and avoid
healthy time restrictions
tools to battle FOMO
boundaries with videos, games, and people
ect.

Keep in mind that technologies are changing every minute. What safety measure worked yesterday may be void today.

As with any dangerous tool, cell phone use should be monitored regularly to ensure safety.

Check out Defend Young Minds for more help and support.

Sources:

A New Survey Examines Phone Use Among Teens and Children

What Parents Need to Know About Inappropriate Content- Internet Matters

New Research Says One in Five Youth…

Parenting This Century is Driving Us Mad – Here’s Why

Being a modern day mom yields some pretty intense side battles. I’m talking about the things that you might not have considered before. Check out the struggles parenting this century really brings:

Have you every felt like life is a careening, runaway train? It’s gonna crash and you’re just sitting there watching it saying, “I guess this is the end.”

If this is what life feels like to you, I want to encourage you- you’re not alone. This is a common modern mom dilemma. Parenting this century has become so unmanageable.

I want to dig into “why” and talk about how to grab some of your life back.

There are too many opportunities for kids.

The number one reason why life feels so unmanageable for moms is there are soooo many opportunities for kids.

It feels like we’re letting our kids down if we don’t take every single one. This leads to feelings of guilt.

Even if you philosophically believe in having an “unbusy” life, you still have that hint go guilt. You may be thinking. “but could they be a professional athlete?”

I mean, it does happen…

There’s so many opportunities from such a small age. Babies can be in music and gymnastic class. Because life has so much to offer, we fell like we have to do it all. Let me say this…

You don’t have to do everything.

Honestly, young kids don’t even know what half of the opportunities are anyways. They don’t start asking to do these things until older anyways.

It’s the guilt that we feel because we see all these things and don’t do them that causes us to feel icky and unmanageable.

Bonus: Our cell phones take so much of our time. When we’re scrolling we see things that look important… and we end up feeling like we’re missing out because of them. This is one of the downfalls to parenting this century. It leads to a feeling of an unmanageable life.

Read: 5 Ways We Accidentally Set Our Kids Up For Hardship

Our culture is so consumeristic.

Our modern life feels so unmanageable for moms because our our society is so consumerist. This sounds cliche, but having lived in other places (three different continents), I see that Americans put a lot more value in buying stuff.

In America, we can get massive amounts of things for fairly inexpensive. We tell ourselves that even though the house is a mess, we need to buy those “3M hangers that stick to to the wall.” Or, whatever else we see at the time.

We feel like buying things is going to fix our problems.

So, someone linked that “thing” and I can buy it and have it delivered in two days! Well, the symptoms here are our problem. Things just give us more to do, more to throw away, and more decluttering in the long run.

Instead of thinking, “I can buy something to fix a problem” try focusing on some thinking time. Sit down and take some notes. Try the bedtime brain release sheet, it’s a free printable… and it doesn’t have to be done at bedtime.

The reason that this concept matters is life will feel unsatisfied and unfinished with the need to always buy more. It’s one of the struggles in parenting this century.

If there’s always that “I need” in order to get where I’m going, we’ve moved away from…

I have all I need. How do I make it work?

Our brains are on information overload.

The third reason why modern moms are feeling so overwhelmed is that our brains are on information overload.

I remember growing up and only knowing what my close friends, family, and church friends were doing. Trends and fads were learned from places like summer camp. I remember seeing something I liked (like ombré shorts) and then wanting to go get them.

Now it’s completely different. Every trend or fad is at the tip of our fingers. This is largely because of our cell phones and social media. The info we’re seeing doesn’t just “go in and out” our brains…

The information comes into our brain and goes to the place in our mind that says, “you really gotta go do that for your kids!”

Now we feel nuts because we’ve had 75 things enter into our brain in the last 25 minutes… so we “escape to a life of scrolling.” Parenting this century will do this to ya’.

It’s feels like life is like an unmanageable careening train because there’s no way we can do all these things.

Life requires a lot of micromanaging of our kids.

Life requires us to micromanage so much for our kids. Our society is set up for us to participate in every aspect, every detail.

The level to which you have to micromanage is insane.

Take your kids math homework for example. Sometimes the way it’s assigned is so that the kid can’t actually do it without your participation.

So much micromanagement is pushed on us. We don’t even want to do this. However, we feel like if we don’t, we’re letting out kids down. We have the propensity to want rescue our kids from…

feelings of frustration
sadness
any bad feelings

If “they are happy” then we are doing a good job.

This is a jumbled up mess. It’s a mess we fall into because we’re parenting this century. Think about it though… we have’t made irreparable mistakes because our kids are feelings things. It’s not supportive or healthy to need to rescue them from their feelings.

We try to micromanage so much. When in reality, it’s those moments where we support and validate that they are allowed go grow.

“This is a tough situation. What do you think you should do?”
“Ahh, man. I know it’s painful when someone is not nice to us. What can I do to help you through this?”

Sometimes my kids will tell me a situation and my first instinct is to leap in and rescue. Then, I sit back and realize that I need to just talk them through it. I validate their feelings and they are able to move past it so much faster.

Release yourself from the feeling of micromanagement. It prevents them from growing and makes life unmanageable.

We are creating routines that don’t align with our boundaries.

We are trying to create so many rules, routines, and habits…

But what if these don’t align with your needs and boundaries? I talk about this extensively in my book “If Mama Ain’t Happy.”

The idea is that we actually need to know….

what we need,
like/dislike, and
what parameters to set.

After this, we can set out rules and routines based on these boundaries.

Day-to-day habits should not be based on “random wants.” You gotta personalize this because your life requires different things than others.

Let’s say you’re starting a business and have set yourself some working hours. You’re going to get up early and stay up late. You want this, but your body is telling you, “nope.”

You can’t just tell yourself what you’re going to do and decide you’re going to be ok. I get the concept “mind over matter”, but you have to respect your needs.

Don’t arbitrarily make a bunch of random rules that sound good at the time. You gotta choose habits and routines based on what is necessary for your life to function, not what you saw on someone else’s social media.

Heaping guilt follows a mom parenting this century who doesn’t consider her own personality and boundaries when making plans.

Build out your family life routines from that place of self understanding and assessing your family’s personal needs.

We have an expansive mindset.

The last reason why life for modern moms seems unmanageable is because we keep trying to make life bigger.

The mindset is “go big or go home.” If it doesn’t make you scared, it’t not a good goal… or whatever.

I’m not saying we can’t have goals or strive to success. Furthermore, I am all for working hard. There is something to be said about having too much of an expansive mindset.

It’s not like we’re homeless and we want to have a house. It’s like we got a 2,000 square foot house and we want a 3,000. Now we have a 3,000 but it isn’t on the water.

On and on…

More and more and more…

It’s nearly impossible to be satisfied when we’re always aiming up.

I’m not saying to aim low or not seek excellence. While we are parenting this century, we need to be more focused on is…

day-to-day moments,
the little traditions,
the small things,
bedtime routines,
talking with each other,
taking a walk as a family, or
playing aboard game.

The simple things in life are the things that matter. At the end of it all, this is what memories are going to consist of.

It is the simple moments with those we love that really matter.

When we keep trying to make life bigger, richer, or more, we are starving out the little moments that are going to make life matter later.

This is why life has become so unmanageable. It’s time to take it back. Take back our headspace. Take back the control over our lives and not give it away continually to unnecessary things.

When we start to live within our boundaries and limits, we slow the train down. We’re not careening out of control anymore and life become more manageable.

5 Reasons Why Repetition is Important with Small Children

We all know that kids like to repeat things often. But did you know that it’s good for us to repeat things to them as well? Here’s why repetition is important:

If you are a mother, then by now you are very familiar with repeating.

We repeat so many activities all day long.

Every day…. day in and day out.

In fact, some days it feels like our life is characterized by the things we constantly do on a daily basis. I may get bored of the mundane domestic cycles, but my kids actually thrive on it.

But aside from all the activities we repeat day in and day out, I believe it’s important that we verbally repeat many things those first weeks, months, and years of our kids’ lives.

I believe repetition, like consistency, is key to our children grasping many of our values and truths. It’s also key in teaching children what we expect of them so they can make good choices.

Here are some ways to use repetition to benefit your child:

Use repetition for order and time-order.

In other words… repeat what is happening next.

When they are older you will be able to say one direction, or even a word, and they’ll follow you. When children are young, I feel they benefit from frequent explanations and repetitions.

For example, if the kids are playing outside and lunchtime is in twenty minutes, I will explain and repeat at least two or three times before asking them to come in. “Lunch is in 20 minutes” and again “In a few minutes you must come in for lunch.”

This repetition gives them a chance to get prepared for what’s next.

This is particularly helpful if it is not going to be as pleasing as what they’re already doing. This garners cooperation, buy in, and security, particularly for the oldest child birth order.

Repetition helps clarify concepts.

I tend to expect a lot from my kids.

It’s obvious to me they are bright and, mistakenly, I often think they read my mind. What I’ve learned to do – though it goes against my nature – is to repeat the reason why along with the instructions many, many times.

If they are doing something they know they shouldn’t, there will be a consequence. But in matters of instruction or cooperation, I’ll often repeat myself over and over again.

For example, when they tell me that something I’ve cooked is “yucky.” Lucky for me I’m not easily offended, but this is still rude.

So every time this word (or a variation) is said when they’re served a plate full of vegetables or quinoa or something good, I’ll say something like, “It’s not good manners to say that food is yucky or bad when someone has taken the time to cook it for you. Try it first, and then if it isn’t nice keep it to yourself or share it privately.”

Because I give this same speech every time it’s applicable, it’s helping a young mind understand a broader concept.

Connection & Culture

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Manners in a Disconnected World

Equipping parents with a simple, consistent approach to teaching and reinforcing good manners so that their child naturally incorporates polite behavior into daily life.

Start Now

Repeat yourself when you mean business.

Our children love to know we mean business…. because it brings safety and security.

It may sound funny, but I totally believe it. If they know exactly where they stand then that is safe. It is the same principle used to explain why boundaries are so important. Boundaries provide a clear safe area that is not off-limits.

Repeating our expectations and ideas to our children – in non-confrontational situations – help show them we mean what we say.

If we say one thing and do another we confuse them. If we tell them to do something and don’t expect them follow through, we lose authority.

Imagine your boss said you’d be in serious trouble if your next report was late, and when it was he did nothing. You’d quickly stop taking him at his word.

Then, when he finally did decide to reprimand or fire you, you’d feel cheated!

Our children respond to us similarly.

Use repetition to emphasize values.

Whether we are repeating instructions, our family values, or general rules of behavior, the more we repeat something the more we identify with it.

Someone said we must do something 21 times to make a habit.

If you are repeating the concept that we help one another, not hurt one another, think of the impact it will have after it’s been generally accepted.

After hearing it a few times your children will accept that it’s how the house goes and, pretty soon, you’ll hear them telling that same phrase to each other.

It’s important value phrases like these that your children will…

remember and
tell their children
who will tell their children.

Who doesn’t love hearing what grandmother used to say?

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Bye, Bye Backtalk

Backtalk isn’t just annoying—it’s draining, discouraging, and makes even the simplest requests feel like full-blown negotiations. This workshop will give you a step-by-step plan to stop the constant pushback and start building respectful, two-way communication with your kids. Because when you know how to hold boundaries and help your child feel heard, the fight fizzles—and connection takes its place.

Start Now

Use repetition to instill confidence.

I believe that preparing our children for new and different social situations is a great tool.

This is simply because some personalities and people find situations with many people daunting, even as adults. Imagine how it is for children.

I mean honestly, they are surrounded by others twice their size all staring down at them. That is slightly intimidating even for a confident child.

By explaining “we need to tell Miss Julie hello when we see her” or “be sure to thank Mr. Nelson for the present” and “when we sing in church I want you to stand by mommy” or “don’t forget to say you need to use the bathroom when you have to go potty” we are preparing them for likely situations.

When kids know what’s next they are more confident. If you are going to a special event then use the days leading up to it to prepare them through explanation and repetition.

I often have unreasonably high expectations of what my children should do. Sometimes, without having warned them or explained a situation, they will do naturally what children do and I’ll get ticked off. I have to remind myself that I’m the adult and they are the children and it’s my job to show them the way.

Part of the way I do this is by frequently and repetitively preparing the for upcoming situations and for general rules that relate to our house ethos.

I am pleasantly surprised to find that they almost always respond positively to me when I’ve prepared them in this way.

Repetition is a favor we can do for our children.

How to Handle Anger Towards Your Child

If you are guilty of feeling angry at your children and are really struggling, you’re not alone. Here are some things that may help:

Children have a way of really messing with your mind.

In your previous life you were neat, tidy, calm, and in total control.

Clothes ironed (I’m talking all clothes, not just today’s),
books sorted by color, and
Christmas presents bought in July every year.

Now you are always tidying a messy house, slightly frazzled, and feel out of control.

You no longer purchase clothes that require ironing, your books are multi-colored now since they are all about dogs, kittens, and fairies, and you buy gifts cards for everyone on December 24th.

And, send them electronically.

Life Has Changed

Many women take this in stride, but for some, it can be truly difficult to manage the emotions that parenthood brings.

Depending on…

your situation,
how well your child listens, and
any medical or emotional issues

the day to day can seem out of control.

These Life Changed Can Lead to Anger

The truth is that motherhood is all-consuming, and it’s easy to get mad at your kids.

Here are a few reasons why moms find themselves getting mad at their kids.

If you don’t get enough sleep you’re a tired mom and thus have a short fuse.
You’re just generally feeling stressed and you can lose it at the drop of a hat.
Your child doesn’t listen to your instructions.
They are defiant and rude to you and their siblings.
The nagging, whining, and tattling.
There hasn’t been enough time to refresh and recharge.

There are others, but you get the idea. Life is not the same and it’s easy to get angry. Its how you handle your anger that matters.

When you get mad at your kids…

Don’t wallow in self guilt or beat yourself up about being angry. Try these things instead:

Evaluate the frequency.

How often do you find yourself angry at your kids?

Is it every so often when they act up, spill your Diet Coke, or run away from you?

If so, that’s normal. That said, if you are perpetually angry at your child regardless of their behavior or moods, then there’s likely an underlying issue.

Evaluate your triggers.

Do you lose your cool and get angry because your children don’t listen to you or follow your lead? If so, try some new strategies with your kids.

This is actually an “easy” reason, in the grand scheme of things, because you can both teach positively and find your child’s currency.

Perhaps it’s no TV, no books, or no games.

Think about some logical consequences to their regular shenanigans,
and take a few weeks to be very consistent with your responses.
During that time be sure and build them up and praise their efforts as well.

Even if this doesn’t resolve your anger, it’ll definitely improve their behavior.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Weary To Well

This 10-day reset will help you uncover what’s wearing you down (spoiler: it’s not just lack of sleep), set boundaries without guilt, and finally create space to breathe again. Because burnout isn’t your personality—it’s a signal things need to change.

Start Now

Get away.

When all you want to do is escape, that’s a sign you need some time away.

Whether that’s a morning with friends or even a two day mommy vacation, if you are consistently wanting to get away from your children that is a sign you should probably do so.

And I’m not talking about the selfish need to be away, but a genuine need for some time of refreshing.

Take a minute.

It’s one thing to “yell a time or two” at your kids. I may be in the minority, but I believe if they are seriously out of control and you yell… well… it won’t hurt them.

Yelling is a natural response to alarm.

Kids know when they are pushing the boundaries.

However, if you find that you are always right on the verge then teach your kids how to “give you a minute.” Essentially, you teach your children that when you say “give me a minute” you are going to be alone and they need to leave you alone.

When you are about to explode in anger, go take a minute. Or five.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.

Start Now

Get help.

If you’re a Type A mom like me, you don’t like to ask for help.

A lady in my Bible study tonight said she could be dragging herself across the floor with her bare hands and, if someone said “Do you need help?” she’d probably respond, “Nah, I’ve got it.”

Ha! This is our problem.

Whether we get help from our spouse, a group of friends, a counselor, a pastor, or even a helpline, we need to get it. People are a lot less shock-able than you’d imagine.

Don’t let your pride stop you from getting help.

Do you want 50 printable Calm Down Tips?

My friend Amanda is an expert on Mama’s Anger Management and she has a printable you can print out and use to help you learn to calm down. The 50 Calm Down Tips are free and will get emailed straight to you!

Kids Fighting In The Car? How Not to Get In a Wreck

When kids are fighting in the car can be frustrating, unsafe, and lead to some difficult trips, even if it’s just to the store. Stop the madness with these proven tips to ease the tension and teach desired behaviors.

Have you ever left any of your kids on the side of the road on purpose?

I have.

Just kidding I haven’t, but man alive have I wanted to.

Maybe because it’s crowded, cramped quarters, and the ventilation isn’t as great, but our van is where the kids best prefer to fight. And since mama is up front and unable to physically intervene, it’s like… they know fights can last longer.

Then I end up in fight or flight and I’m like I’LL TURN THIS MINIVAN AROUND. And it’s all fun and games. Well, I’m happy to report, those days are mostly behind us and I’ve gotten some tricks up my sleeve to help you avoid all that mayhem too.

Kids are not fighting in car when given the right opportunities.

Kids need to behave for safety, first off.

So, it goes without saying that different circumstances require different corrections (reinforcement solutions). I’m using this teacher term because handling kids fighting in the car requires some planning and situation reacting on the part of mom.

All situations are not created equal.

You don’t want to over react, but with the same token you don’t want to ignore and have a dangerous vehicle situation. Here are 2 main categories of responses we can have.

Validating the behavior you want

This is where you emphasize the behaviors your kids are doing that you like. Something desirable is given when your kids do well. Could be a little treat (if we’re talking about a long road trip or something) or clearly stated words of appreciation.

Read These While You’re At It

4 Key Strategies For When Your Child’s Not Listening

5 Calm Responses for When Your Child Digs Their Heels In

Boundaries, Family Rules, & Strong-Willed Children… Oh My!

Here are some simple no drama solutions for your child's behavior problems

Child Behavior Problems: A No-Drama Approach That Works

Built-in consequences for acting crazy

Here’s where you’d establish clear rules about the behavior in the car that is acceptable – and what isn’t – and give these rules built in-consequences.

A built in consequence just means you aren’t making up random consequences on the fly. While sometimes those random ones are more natural, in which case go with them, other times it’s like you’re having to manufacture some type of negative scenario for your child.

The better way? Consequences baked into the rule.

Outrageous car behavior = no screen time
Screaming and fighting in car = the instigators have to clean the car interior or exterior

You get the idea.

Read: We’re ACCIDENTALLY raising entitled kids – Here’s how to stop!

Validating Solutions

Positive dialogue can go a long way in sculpting wanted behaviors. This is especially true for situations where the rules don’t really change.

AKA car rides

So you’ve laid down the rules. And you’ve made them clear. This is the first and probably most important step. You gotta give clear expectations in order to get desired results.

Inside voices only
Hands and feet kept to self
Passing items only, no throwing, etc.

Have the kids decide what types of behaviors they want as well. No placing shoes on another’s chair, for example. Not leaning onto another person while driving etc.

But… kids will be kids and rules will be broken. Having some positive reinforcement plans in play will help mold your kiddos back into happy little campers.

One huge thing I did with my 5 kids… assigned seats.

I distanced the children most likely to fight and this cut back on stress A Lot.

Use direct and clear forms of validation to stop kids from fighting in the car.

This type of response means so much to kids. You will be surprised how quickly it shapes their behaviors and makes them want to listen.

This is where you’ll acknowledge why they’re frustrated and how it makes your child feel.
Then you’ll call out the appropriate behavior you want to see.
If you catch someone trying to be extra good and you’re proud, let them know immediately that you see that.
Be exact and clear with what behaviors you want to happen. Say precisely what your child is doing right.

Consequences

Fighting in the car is a real stressor for mom.

It’s a hard and dangerous job to drive a family around. It can actually be pretty dangerous is kids are too rowdy in the vehicle. So, there are cases when mom needs to do something clear.

I had times where I got so riled up from hearing their fighting or arguments that my heart was racing out of my chest.

I kind of went into a rage, to be honest, as you do when you are trying to do something as important as DRIVING and people are going nuts.

Read: Spot On Advice for Husbands of Stay At Home Moms (That She Won’t Tell You!)

Act with a quick and immediate response to fighting in the car.

When danger is eminent, mom may have to act quick and “fierce” to stop the behaviors and make a safe situation. Sometimes you have to act fast and firm to stop the madness.

Get a little loud to get their attention.
Pull over, put the car in park and deal with the fighting accordingly.
Turn the radio off, get quiet, and stare at them in the rear-view mirror.
Or, turn it up very loud to get their attention and then back down.
Remind them of the consequence to this action.
Take away their devices (if they have them).
Turn the car around and head home.

General Tips For Car Rides To Avoid Fighting

Here are some general tips to avoid fighting so you don’t have to pull over.

Avoid over-stimulation with too much media or noise. We don’t have any devices for the kids so none in the van, but often if the sights and sounds are very stimulating, then there are lots of voices, and loud music or an audiobook it can be a lot. If things are getting tense, turn off the radio/book.
Assign seats. As said before, assigning seats will help give kids more chance to have a peaceful ride.
Pack individual snacks. When we are going for a long ride, we’ll pack individual snacks in bags so each child is focused on what’s on their own lap.
If sharing numerous things, set up some ground rules. My boys like to read comics and they’ll end up sharing. But, if one wants a book the other has, etc. you get the idea. Set up some rules for who gets what when. Or let them make up the rules!
Be free with pulling over. If YOU get overwhelmed easy, make it a habit to pull over at the first sign of having a bodily response to the fighting. Step outside of the vehicle, alone, to get a breather before dealing with the situation.

Kids don’t intuitively get that it’s dangerous for ALL OF Y’ALL on the road in a car with people going nuts. Tell them, show them, and you’ll stand a better chance.

Old-Fashioned Principles Moms Should Pass On To Their Kids

In an ever changing world, it’s sometimes hard to grasp what we should really strive for. Here are eight core traditional family values that modern parents shouldn’t reject:

I’m a country girl and live in the southeast so there are a lot of old-fashioned traditional values that still exist in our culture. I see, as I travel and scroll online, that there are quite a lot of values that seem to have been discarded in modern times.

I get it, times change.

But there are some things we all agreed were true for centuries and now, somehow, think are no longer applicable.

I’ve written before on family values and family culture, but here I wanted to focus more on some old-fashioned principles and values that we’d do well to hang onto.

For each family, how you go about these values will differ… but I believe that holding fast to some traditional values is a great way to build lasting connections and create a safe place of stability and refuge for your children.

Here in this post we’ll focus on traditional family values that should be passed down to our future generations.

Relationships and Closeness with Extended Family

Have you ever been to a wedding or funeral and realized that’s the only time your family ever gets to spend time with extended relations?

With technology the way it is, there’s no reason why parents can’t make the extra effort to allow kids to get to know extended family…

No-matter the distance.

Relationships and closeness with extended family is one of the main modern day parenting struggles that we face.

Let’s face it- it’s no walk in the park raising kids these days with all the things coming at us to do.

Read These While You’re At It

30+ Awesome Christmas Gifts For Grandparents

Surprising Benefits of the Grandparent-Grandchild Relationship & How To Foster It

It's good for kids to be around elderly people and vice versa. Here are some reasons why it's good to let your kids be around their grandparents and elders.

Kids & the elderly: Why they are good for one another

So who really has time for extended family?

I think the benefits outweigh the difficulties it may take to get there:

You learn more about yourself when you’re around extended family.
Kids grow up knowing their cousins, extended cousins, etc.
Stories and family memories can live on.
Promotes a closeness with the nuclear family.
Teaches compassion, care for the elders, and family collaboration.

Time Together VS. Obsession with Sports and Peers

Childhood memories (you know… those ones that last a lifetime) don’t happen when you’re driving your kids around to every event you can sign them up for. You know the best memories are made?

In those close-knit, precious times together. Being a family is really about having that time together. Friends will fade. Sporting events, various competitions, and deadlines will fade.

But memories you make together will last a lifetime.

I’m not saying that all the things are bad. No, not at all. But I am saying that obsessing over them- to the point that family time together is no more… that is bad.

Read These While You’re At It

24 Summer Things to Do With Your Kids Before School Starts

40+ Fall Family Traditions Everyone Will Love

45+ Easy Outdoor Games And Activities For Kids Your Family Will Love

9 Reasons Why Cuddling Your Kids Makes Life Better

Teaching Values VS. Letting Entertainment/Culture Teach Them

I am always truly surprised at the amount of parents I talk to that allow their “core values” to be taught to their kids through entertainment.

Modern day parents should not let media replace their own instruction of values for their family.

This is how I see it- Soon enough, my kids will be out in the world being influenced by whatever comes their way.

For now (then they are little), I want to be the one to instill those values in them. Not modern culture or entertainment. No…

There is a close bond that is formed through the passing on of traditional family values to your kids. I believe they will appreciate this so much more than what any programming can provide.

Girl is playing outside as a traditional family value.

Hard Work

Traditional hard work is almost obsolete in our world. Our children are even sometimes taught (in public school) that manual labor isn’t considered honorable.

Our society portrays college bound/chained to desk/in front of computer as success. And, it may be for your kids. I’m not saying it’s not. And I’m not saying we should aim for our children to have manual labor jobs as their career.

But hard work (real traditional hard work) is a value that can only be taught within the family unit.

Hard work has its benefits. And, it can be fun too! Here are some of the benefits:

Teaches collaboaration
Builds physical strength
Fosters appreciation of material things
Gives experiences & life skills
Teaches the value of time
Gives a sense of fulfillment and belonging

Some examples of hard work that can be taught at home are chores, yard work, going to work with a parent, and disciple within a physical activity.

Honesty as a Traditional Family Value

Honestly is a traditional family value that modern parents should not reject.

Modern culture says “the ends justify the means.”

It says “If you meant well, it’s ok.”

When left to today’s standards, our kids will learn that the truth waivers…

That truth depends on the viewer.

Hmmmm. I’m not ok with that.

Traditional family values teach that honestly is always the best policy. Even if it hurts…

There’s grace and forgiveness that come with honestly, yes. But there are also consequences and you’re going to own up to them.

Faith

Faith is confidence and assurance in the truth that you proclaim. It’s what your family holds true. This why faith is a traditional family value that modern parents shouldn’t reject.

It can be faith in God’s word, faith in an outcome, or faith as a way of life. Modern families can choose to hold onto this faith as we navigate through this rapidly changing world.

Faith holds a family together. It helps them strive for common goals and creates a place for growth as a unit… and individually.

I believe that faith (and holding fast to faith as a traditional family value) is the crux of many values a family would want to maintain.

Responsibility for Actions and Emotions

Entitlement, avoiding responsibility, shifting blame… ahhh.

These things are so hurtful for children. And, modern parents face these challenges more than ever before. I believe we should hold onto the traditional family value of responsibility.

This training can start at a very young age.

“If I drop it, pick it up. If I make a mess, clean it up. Etc.”

But the root of responsibility is much more than this. It’s accepting true accountability for one’s actions and emotions. It’s also:

Getting the job done when asked to do so.
Avoiding laziness.
Not blaming others for how I feel.
Staying in control of what I do and say.
Integrity when nobody is looking.
Having the moral obligations to behave myself.
Knowing how to act respectfully.
Owning up to my mistakes.

Shifting blame from our children to others may make them feel better in that very moment, but it is detrimental to their future.

Responsibility for one’s actions is a key traditional family value that modern parents should not reject.

Why Kids Should Play Dress Up & How To Build A Stash

Kids love to play dress up… it’s so much fun! Here are the basic reasons why and how to build up a great stash of dress up clothes.

Full confession: my daughter dresses up in old formal gowns that I dressed up in as a child that my grandmother got at good will.

Oh yes, baby, dress up is serious business in our family.

We have 2 massive tubs of dress up clothes and collect them anytime we can. When other kids come over to play, inevitably, they all end up dressed up and walking around in whatever imaginative game comes up.

Dress up clothes get kids off screens

Kids love the costumes. The nostalgia factor cannot be understated. There is nothing cuter than seeing your precious babies run around playing make believe in a variety of outfits.

Dress up inspires creativity and teaches important life skills.

Dress up encourages creativity in the purest form. It’s child’s play… and it’s so good or kids!

This is because children’s imaginations are limitless. When children engage in dress up play, they are given total freedom to imagine as they wish.

It’s so much fun.

Kids dress up because it allows them dream, hope, and use their imagination.

It’s simple fun! Why? Dreaming is fun. Hoping is fun. It’s childlike play that any child can participate in.

It’s great for kids of all ages. It doesn’t take special skills or abilities…. just an imagination. And, it’s great to build up those imaginations.

I actually think kids are more innocent, playful, and childlike (which is the goal!) when they are OFF screens and out in the big wide world exploring.

So let them imagine. Let them explore and be creative in their dress up play.

Maybe you have super hero costumes, but they want to put wigs on them and pretend to be cave men. Let them…

Maybe they have princess costumes, but them decide that today their princesses will also have shields and swords. Let them…

The possibilities are endless.

Read These While You’re At It

How to Encourage Toddlers and Preschoolers To Use Their Imagination

How To Teach Your Children To Play On Their Own

The Difference Between Playing and Being Entertained

Why Kids Need Independent Play Time Daily — And How To Start

When kids play dress up, they practice important life skills…

critical thinking
imagination
communication
cooperation
give and take
teamwork

Critical thinking skills are skills that children develop through observing and forming judgements.

So here’s the dress up costumes we have… what can we make with them? What playing ideas can we create with them?

Communication, cooperation, and sharing are often necessary for critical thinking skills to thrive. Guess what? Each these things are practiced here.

So this is why kids love dress up!

They may not be able to put into words why, but learning these critical thinking skills are just a few reasons why kids love dress up.

Teamwork, cooperation, sharing, and motor skills are also important life skills practiced here.

How to build the dress up stash

Try these things to get a great stash of dress up clothing, accessories, storage, and more. The best part is this can be super cheap or even free for you. And the kids will play with them for years.

Invest in some career themed dress up items

These make such great moments for learning and growing. This can be any type of job. Actually, your kids may end up making their own uniforms as well and creating jobs to go with those, but here are some fun places to start.

Here are some great sets:

Accessories and “weapons”

Don’t underestimate the fun that can be created with a few dress up accessories. This is what makes it a game, a war, an adventure.

Shop after Halloween sales

Shop the “after Halloween” sales at your local supermarkets. I mean, not the scary items of course. But there are some great deals to be found in super heroes, characters, and more.

The prices will be slashed to 50% off or so sometimes. Get a size up or two so the kids can grow into them. My boys wear them until they are superheroes in highwaters, but hey. It’s still fun.

Hats, masks, belts and gloves

Kids love hats. In fact, the right hat can make the outfit work. You can grab these from goodwill, anything that seems colorful and exaggerated will do the trick.

6 Hats & Helmets
Assorted Party Hats
Royal King & Queen Crowns
Ski gloves
Thick winter gloves
Boxing gloves

So, the sky’s the limit. The key is to get something exaggerated, big, and fun to wear.

Thrift shop

This doesn’t have to be just after Halloween items. You may find some awesome vintage dresses, old-timey “work clothes”, or other novelty clothing items.

Do some research on how to properly clean them before introducing them into the rotation.

purses
fancy dresses
jackets
fake fur
high heel shoes
work boots

Dress up themed party (with a gift theme!)

Have a dress up themed birthday party. There will undoubtedly be gifts of costumes and costume materials.

Tell people on the invite to wear a costume
You can specify you want the gifts to be costume or dress up related
Ask on social for anyone whose kids are grown out of their stash or for any former costumes, etc. People often have a LOT of this type of stuff lying around.

Organize your stash

Plan a certain Trunk, closet, or shelf to keep the dress items organized. This functional Dress-Up Island is a great idea for a child’s play room.

Choose one area in your home, maybe the play room area or somewhere out of sight. Like not in the living room. Get a couple of big containers which makes for easy clean up. Macro organizing, not micro organizing.

The Difference Between Cry It Out (CIO) and Self-Soothing

Are you questioning whether babies can (or should!) self-soothe, but also want to help your little one sleep better? Here’s the difference between cry it out and self soothing.

I had a discussion with a lovely lady the other day whose baby won’t sleep at daycare since they won’t rock him.

She realizes that since he’s rocked to sleep at home -and they can’t consistently do that at daycare – that he is refusing naps.

And they’ve told her he’s clearly exhausted and it’d be better if she could help support independent sleep at home, so she could transfer it to napping at daycare.

Well… she has some concerns. Concerns many mothers share, so I’ll list them here.

Does sleep training affect the parent/child bond?
Is self-soothing even something a baby should be forced to do?
Will crying damage him?
Can she sleep train WITHOUT crying?

I’ve touched on all the others on various posts you can find here, but here I want to dive into self-soothing.

This concept gets moms hung up

She said something similar to this…

Isn’t an 8 month old too young to self-soothe?

And my answer to that is this: the goal of sleep training is not to teach a baby to self-soothe.

The goal of sleep training is teaching a baby to go to sleep on their own.

They don’t need to soothe their distress, they need to go to sleep. The two things aren’t the same. We needn’t confuse them.

What is self-soothing?

I know people want to define self-soothing as letting a baby cry themselves to sleep. But THAT TICKS ME OFF. Because when we want a baby to learn to sleep independently, we aren’t abandoning their emotions.

Soothe (v): reduce pain or discomfort in (a part of the body), gently calm (a person or their feelings)

So self-soothing would be expecting a baby to reduce their own pain or calm themselves.

The goal being: calming one’s self.

Now, you may have an angry baby or a whiny baby – and those could be related to tiredness – but even by working on sleep, you aren’t trying to teach a baby to make themselves feel better.

What is sleep training?

On the contrary, the point of sleep training is: teaching a baby to sleep on their own.

So you see, the goal of teaching a baby to soothe himself and teaching a baby to sleep on their own are not the same. And, in fact, when you teach a baby to get to sleep on their own they will naturally be more calm and settled.

Because they won’t be on an overtired cycle or feeding every hour and not sleeping.

Learning to sleep on one’s own is a life skill.

Read These While You’re At It

Coping When Others Don’t Support Your Baby Sleep Strategies

Daycare Won’t Rock Baby To Sleep? Here’s What To Do.

Is Sleep Training A Baby Bad Or Dangerous? Let’s Talk Facts!

12 Medical Reasons Your Baby’s Not Sleeping (With Symptoms Of Each)

7 Reasons Your Baby Still Wakes Up At Night – And What To Do

7 Simple Reasons Why Your Baby Won’t Nap & What To Do

Why kids need to learn to sleep on their own NOT comfort themselves

There are a variety of reasons that babies will benefit from learning to sleep on their own. Now, if baby is rocking to sleep or otherwise getting to sleep NOT on their own, but is still sleeping well.

Then all is well.

But if baby isn’t sleeping well, is fussy a lot, waking all the time to try because they have a “job to do” then it’ll benefit baby to learn to sleep on there own.

Here’s why it benefits baby to know how to sleep on their own.

Baby can get themselves to sleep anytime, anywhere, if they’re tired.
They’ll be able to sleep even with a babysitter, mother’s helper, at daycare, at someone else’s house, etc. because they know how.
Everyone in the home can rest well because there isn’t a lot of night waking.
Well-rested babies nap better as well since sleep begets sleep.

Sleep training isn’t training your baby to soothe their own pain

Mothers will soothe their little one’s pain until they aren’t able to anymore.

We will calm them when they’re distressed, we will feed them when they’re hungry, we will cuddle them because that’s what mothers do.

Mothers will meet their baby’s needs in a way that is best for baby and, sometimes, that’s teaching baby a life skill they currently lack. A life skill that is necessary for optimal development and emotional regulation.

Sources:

Scientific data showing sleep training is healthy
Excessive intervention by parents causes sleep problems

Books for Kids on Abuse: Comforting and Healing Words

Abuse is hard to talk about, especially for kids. These books on abuse are good for children coping with trauma, sexual abuse, or neglect.

Well, if you’re here the worst has happened. Either to your children or another that you know.

Of course, trauma therapy is necessary in situations of abuse, but another way to help your child process what they’ve gone through is through books.

Books are an excellent way to help your child understand their own emotions, feelings, and what has happened to them without any pressure.

Books Dealing with Traumatic Abuse

These books may help your child navigate through the emotions that come from having experienced traumatic abuse.

What’s Inside Your Backpack? – This book is written to help children with coping skills after experiencing a trauma. It’s written creatively with the backpack symbolizing life and books inside the bag as dramatic things the main character has gone though.
Trauma: Teaching Kids All About Trauma – This book aims to teach how to navigate feelings, address hard emotions, and cope with systematic abuse.
Everyone Feels Angry Sometimes – According to therapists, this book teaches the essential steps to anger management and frustrations.
Healing Days – This book is a guide for kids who have experienced trauma. It covers feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.
Brave Bart – Brave Bart is a story for traumatized and grieving children. It helps normalize the feeling associated with trauma and abuse.
A Big Bad Wolf in My House – This story is told from the child’s perspective when an abuser moved into her house. It takes the reader through coping with the abuse and healing processes.

Books Dealing with Sexual Abuse

Abuse comes in all forms, but sexual abuse is one that deserves some topics of discussion.

Here are some books dealing with sexual abuse to help children through indescribably difficult situations:

Repair for Kids: A Children’s Program – This book is a six step program for children recovering from incest and childhood sexual abuse. Visit lovinghealing.com for a wide variety of programs covering many topics and areas of abuse.
Once I was Very Scared – This story helps children understand and navigate though their hardest emotions. It may be able to assist in developing the coping skills to deal with abuse.
A Terrible Thing Happened – The main character of this story say a terrible thing and was unable to forget it. He had nightmares and anxiety because of it. Read to discover how he started to heal from this trauma.
When I Was Little – This is the story of a child’s journey in overcoming abuse and trauma. It’s written for children with the aim of helping kids share difficult feelings and emotions.
Loving Touches – Loving Touches was written for children to understand what love is supposed to feel like. It takes them through (at various ages) what appropriate touches are.
How Long Does it Hurt – This book is written by survivors of sexual abuse for older children/teenagers. It talks about overcoming the damages of abuse and being a surviver.

Books about Therapy

These may not all specifically deal with therapy, but they do deal with opening up… and knowing who is safe to share with.

Some Bunny to Talk To – This book warms the child up to the idea of talking with a therapist. Therapy could be an important part of healing from abuse, so it’s something to look at if the child is nervous about it.
No More Bad Secrets – This book addresses the difference between a good and a bad secret and how to share the bad secrets when it’s important to do so.
Do You Have a Secret – Sometimes it’s difficult for children to comprehend who they can trust and who they shouldn’t. Do You Have a Secret addresses who kids should share their secrets with.
Feeling Better – Feeling Better is a kids book about going to therapy. It’s written in a journal format from a twelve year old who is afraid of opening up.
Therapy & Me – Though the topic of this book is grief (not abuse), Therapy & Me touches on some wonderful moments where a child is able to open up to a councilor and get some relief.

Read These While You’re At It

25+ Picture Books For Kids To Explain Hard Topics

How Child Abusers “Groom” Victims and Family Safeguards

Silent Warning Signs for Child Abuse and What To Do About It

The Mama Bear Instinct – Why We Have It And What It Does

Interactive/Workbook Style Books

Reading is great and almost always helpful. But, sometimes it’s good to have some interactive options. These lessons, workbooks, and interactive activities may help children cope with the effects of abuse.

Finding Sunshine After the Storm – This is a workbook for children healing from sexual abuse. It contained 40 activities complete with printouts.
Anger Management Management Workbook for Kids – This book includes over 50 activities to help children regain control of their anger. Working though some together may help them become calmer and happier.
Assessment and Treatment for Children – This textbook style lesson book includes therapist tested techniques and approaches to helping children cope with abuse.
A Foster Adoption Story with Therapeutic Workbook for Children – This reads like a narrative with coloring sheets and activities to complete along the way. It can foster healing and impactful conversations along the way.

Neglect is a form of abuse. Here is one last book that deals with the effects when children have to care for themselves, others, or too many things on their own. Somebody Cares is a guide for kids who have experienced neglect.

Why Moms Struggle Being Present – It Ain’t Your Phone

Moms everywhere are struggling to be present. Is is their fault? Or is something else happening in our generation? Here are the main reasons and it has nothing to do with your phone:

After chatting with some mom friends, I had an epiphany.

We often blame screens for why we aren’t present and, yes, that can be a factor. But also… there are other really important reasons.

So Much to Do & Not Enough Time to Do It

Mom’s have so much to do and we feel like don’t ever have enough time.

And actually modern times have enhanced this. Because there have been so any conveniences added to our lives, we stack on the things.

For example… we make grocery story pick ups, so that gives us more time to add on other things in the day. Things that normally wouldn’t even be there.

Life becomes overloaded.

The truth is that if you have 50 things bouncing around in your mind, listening to you kids really long stories or ideas is challenging. It becomes hard to sit and play LEGOS.

It’s totally natural that if you have tons of things to do, you’re going to find it hard to be present in the moment.

Your brain is going to be totally distracted with the list of things to do in your brain.

Let’s prioritize.

Now, we know we’re going to prioritize our kids over these things. But moms struggle being present with the list in our mind.

So…

Take all the things off your list that don’e actually have to be done.
But boundaries around the time needed to do the necessary things.
Get the things done that truly need doing.
Don’t procrastinate.
Make time and a plan to do the necessary things.

Don’t procrastinate because if you do, they will still be there nagging at your brain.

And, then you will find that your brain will allow to to enjoy the present.

Unsolved Problems Consuming Our Mind

If you have got some “open ended problems” like…

Something that’s not working
An ongoing situation
One of your kids is having an ongoing problem
Financial struggles
A nagging job situation
Relationship problems
Health problems
Etc.

We are made for our brains to ruminate on our problems. It’s natural.

So, you can either berate yourself over thinking about your problems or solve them.

I’m not saying that your problems are an easy fix, but I am saying that unsolved problems cause stress. I am saying that lecturing yourself about having them is only making it worse.

Of course we know that in the grand scheme of things, our children are more important than our problems. However, chances are that our problems directly affect them.

And… moms struggle being present when this happens.

Make a brain dump of all of your problems…

It’s not going to be fun. Furthermore, some of them have immediate fixes, but others not so much.

Solve the easy problems quick.
Think outside the box.
Be creative in your solution and don’t worry what others think.
Do what we need to do to solve our problems.

Mom struggles being present with young child.

We Need Time Alone

Some of us are introverted and need time alone. If this is how you energize, you have to have that time alone.

If you don’t take that time alone, you’re always going to be craving it.

Even if you’re not introverted and you never get that quiet time…

Your instinct is going to be always driving the kids away. Moms struggle being present when they are “driving” their kids away.

You’re going to be in a crowd and wanting to go hide.
Playing games with your kids, but you want to go along.
Anytime someone else comes by, you’re going to want to go lock yourself away and be alone.

Consider this: If all your time is spent wanting to be alone, you need more time alone.

You could berate yourself and be like “It’s so selfish to want to be alone.” But, you’re going to live like this until your kids leave…

You’ll have lots of time when your kids are grown. But, then you’ll feel guilty about spending their entire childhood wishing you could escape them.

Just take some time.

Read These While You’re At It

5 Instant Stress Busters For Overwhelmed Moms

A Surprising Root Of Mom Guilt – And 4 Ways To Overcome It

Desperate Housewife Syndrome… Signs, Symptoms & Solutions

Evening Routines for Moms That Erase Stress and Give Peace

We Can’t Relax

Hypervigilance… this is what we have when we have a 2 year old, a 1 year old, or a baby.

You know, when your nervous system is constancy firing information. Your child is…

Going where they aren’t supposed to go,
climbing things,
putting things in their mouth,
licking the cat, or
whatever.

It’s very stressful.

This is a real situation for moms who have gone through pregnancy with small children. We wouldn’t consider ourselves malnourished…

Buy possibly we’re not optimally nourished.

There are stressors affecting us. Stressors at home, marriage, extended family, etc. If we are constantly dumping cortisol and adrenaline into our body, we start living in this heightened state. Eventually, our adrenals crash.

When your nervous system is on edge… someone waking up behind you can be a terrifying thing. Obviously your nervous system is shot.

It’s not an easy fix, but I want to comfort you. I want to validate your feelings.

Since you’re living in this state, you want to run and hide. You want to sleep all day. It’s natural and expected.

Your body is wanting to heal. Often times we don’t have that time luxury…

But we can still take the steps needed to heal.

We’re in Survival Mode

When we’re in serval mode, we’re driven to want to escape.

It’s my hope that as you read this you’re feeling encouraged. It’s not that you’re a bad mom when you struggle to be present. Instead, it’s because you’re not being mindful of your own needs.

Take a step back. Make a long term strategy to help balance because it’s not that you don’t want to be with your kids.

It’s not that you don’t enjoy your kids company.

The issue is all of the other things are so “urgent feeling” to your spirit/body/mind. And, your nervous system is throwing up red flags because of it.

These red flags are there to tell you that you’re…

crumbing,
crashing, and
ignoring the signs.

We typically end up in survival mode because we ignore what our nervous system is telling us. It could be edged on by lack of sleep or unfixed problems.

To fix this we need to ask ourselves- what are your boundaries?

I’ve written a book on this: If Mama Ain’t Happy – Why minding healthy boundaries is good for your whole family.

You may have to help yourself from the ground up. It will feel like a life rebuild and that’s ok. But what I want you to do in meantime is stop berating yourself because it’s hard to be present.

The reason why it’s hard to be present is because there are some things that need addressing. Don’t just spiritually bypass and simply pray to be more present.

Of course you can do that. But, it’s not gong to work if all of these other issues aren’t dealt with.

All Posts

50+ Connection Questions

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Stopping for Everything

Forgetting You’re Human

Boundary Bending

Over Functioning/Over Serving

Unlearned Luxury

Parenting to Emotions

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

Let’s Recap

It’s so very easy to get overwhelmed.

Let’s ask some valid questions before you get your kids a cell phone… just because our kids want one.

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

Q: Why do I think they need a cell phone?

Q: What are they going to use it for?

Statistics don’t lie.

Q: Will it contribute to pulling them away from family and INTO the cyber world?

Q: Am I confident in their level of self control?

Q: Am I giving in because of peer pressure?

Q: Can I put it off another year?

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

Q: Have I adequately equipping them with the life skills they need to handle it?

There are too many opportunities for kids.

You don’t have to do everything.

Daily Mom Routines Checklist

Our culture is so consumeristic.

We feel like buying things is going to fix our problems.

Bedtime Brain Release Sheet

Our brains are on information overload.

Life requires a lot of micromanaging of our kids.

We are creating routines that don’t align with our boundaries.

We have an expansive mindset.

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

Use repetition for order and time-order.

Repetition helps clarify concepts.

Repeat yourself when you mean business.

Use repetition to emphasize values.

It’s important value phrases like these that your children will…

Use repetition to instill confidence.

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

Life Has Changed

These Life Changed Can Lead to Anger

Here are a few reasons why moms find themselves getting mad at their kids.

When you get mad at your kids…

Evaluate the frequency.

Angry Mom CHECKLIST

Evaluate your triggers.

Get away.

Take a minute.

Get help.

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Do you want 50 printable Calm Down Tips?

Kids need to behave for safety, first off.

Angry Mom CHECKLIST

Validating the behavior you want

Built-in consequences for acting crazy

Family Rules Brainstorm SHEETS

Validating Solutions

Use direct and clear forms of validation to stop kids from fighting in the car.

Consequences

Act with a quick and immediate response to fighting in the car.

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

General Tips For Car Rides To Avoid Fighting

50+ Connection Questions

Relationships and Closeness with Extended Family

I think the benefits outweigh the difficulties it may take to get there:

Time Together VS. Obsession with Sports and Peers

Teaching Values VS. Letting Entertainment/Culture Teach Them

Hard Work

Honesty as a Traditional Family Value

Family Rules Brainstorm SHEETS

Faith

Responsibility for Actions and Emotions

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

Dress up clothes get kids off screens

Dress up inspires creativity and teaches important life skills.

101+ 15 Minute Projects

Kids dress up because it allows them dream, hope, and use their imagination.

This concept gets moms hung up