All Posts

The Difference between Spoiling and Spoiling Rotten

We all want our kids to feel secure and be happy, but do we want to spoil them? Well, there is a difference between spoiling them and spoiling them rotten. Why Modern Moms are Raising Victims (And How to Stop)

Grandparents ain’t the only ones who want to give their little loved ones every good thing.

I constantly find myself wanting to do/buy over the top things for my children.

I don’t want to do it because I think material things make for a better childhood, as cheesy as it sounds, I want to do it because my heart swells with some overwhelming emotion where I want to make them the happiest children in the world.

And, that’s okay.

There’s a difference between spoiled and spoiled rotten.

Read These While You’re At It

Simple Ways to Teach Kids to Be Grateful & Thankful

“Weird” and Awesome Family Life Hacks

How to Create a Family Your Kids Are Proud Of

How to Choose Activities That Bless (Not Stress) Your Family

10 Parenting Habits That Make You Feel Guilty – But Shouldn’t

Good read for mothers of toddlers, preschoolers, and young children. Can you spoil a child without making them rotten? Well... let's find out.

But because I also know disciplined children are by far happier than undisciplined ones, I try to temper my spoiling with character building.

If their attitude moves towards stink on the rotten scale, I examine my recent efforts at discipline and make a change.

How do you know your kids are over-ripe-headed towards-rotten? Ask yourself these questions.

Do they expect something special every time you go to the store?
Do they say thank you when you do something special for them or complain it wasn’t what they wanted?
Do they pout/give you the silent treatment/chuck a tantrum if you say no?
Are they willing to share their toys with their siblings and friends?

You get where I’m going with this. It is actually a disservice to your children to spoil them in a way that leaves them feeling entitled. Better they know the world doesn’t revolve around them now than find it out the hard way with a future spouse or boss.

There are some things you can do to help your kids receive all your special treatment without developing a VIP attitude. And, it must be said, all children will struggle with gratitude.

Just like adults.

It’s consistency we’re aiming for, not perfection.

The Difference between Spoiling and Spoiling Rotten

Let’s not leave the spoiling only to the grandparents, but let’s do it wisely without raising foolish children.

1. Make spoils special

Aside from birthdays and Christmas don’t make a habit of giving gifts every time you go to the store or out in public. If a gift becomes expected or they have a “where’s my present?” attitude then dial down the giving.

When they act appreciative that’s a sign they are not spoiled rotten. [Read more…] about The Difference between Spoiling and Spoiling Rotten

The Magic of “Uh Oh”

I am a huge fan of helpful phrases and this is one of the best. If you need a go to reaction to prevent yourself from overreacting, this is the one!

A big round bite mark with red welts and some blood.

Oh yes.

That’s what one of my sons did to his brother.

Normally, at this point, I would have been This Close to losing it. Or saying something like, “Great! I’m raising a sociopath” then struggling to rein in my emotions so I could handle the situation.

Instead of those decisions – that I needed to make spur of the moment – I fell back on my new favorite parenting phrase…

“Uh oh.”

Yes. It’s that simple and so effective and I like to say it with a singsong voice. That seems to work best.

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Discipline with Dignity

Discipline shouldn’t feel like a battle or a shot in the dark. This workshop gives you a clear, balanced plan for setting boundaries that build respect and responsibility—without yelling, harsh punishments, or constant power struggles.

Start Now

Why “Uh Oh” Works Wonders

It may feel cheesy to use at first, but trust me your kids will notice your pivot in response.

You have an automatic response

This is especially important if you tend to fly off the handle easily. I’m speaking to you Type A moms (of which I am one). We can find it hard to get a grip on our emotions enough to respond calmly and without giving dirty looks or overreacting.

If your child does something disobedient, potentially harmful, or just makes a “bad choice” then use “uh oh.” Said with a singsong voice this communicates to your child that something Not So Good has happened.

That they are likely going to receive a consequence and there’ll be a reckoning. The good part? It communicates this without you having to give the Mom Glare or do any threatening.

It is sing songy

When our children do things that aren’t so good, we can tend to get mad. Take it personal. Google “signs your toddler is a sociopath.”

These things happen.

Instead of reacting too strictly or strongly or doling out a consequence that is too severe, this sing songy phrase will give you a chance to get calm again.

If our kids do something for the 1,355,533rd billionth time that day it can be nearly impossible to keep calm. This phrase helps you be a more calm mom and not a mom who is always triggered and angry.

It prevents you from lecturing

Lectures (a) do not work, (2) annoy everyone, and (d) make your voice background noise. “Uh oh” communicates more than two minutes of talk will do.

Of course we need to explain to our kids about what we expect from them and why, but sometimes Less is More.

I have a son who is very emotional and easily feels rejected. He can handle consequences, but does not handle severe emotions well.

If we’re angry (even rightly so), frustrated, or harsh he folds in. “Uh oh” has helped our relationship (yes it has!) because I’m able to say “uh oh” then get ahold of myself before responding to him in a way that he doesn’t cope with.

Read These While You’re At It

An Awesome Phrase When You Want To Say “I Told You So”

If you feel you're about to lose it with the kids, stress or screaming or other things that are triggers for losing your temper or yelling, here's a great phrase to use!

“Give Me a Minute” – A Phrase For When You’re Gonna Lose It

7 Phrases to Encourage Independence in Toddlers and Preschoolers

The 3 Threats Every Parent Makes — And Why They Don’t Work

It gives you time to think

Every home has boundaries, or a lack of boundaries. We likely have certain consequences we will turn to for certain actions.

Certain behaviors will have the same consequences so there isn’t much to think about in the moment, we can simply enact the consequence. However, kids will always throw us for a loop.

There’s a first time for everything, and your children will likely find all manner of naughty things to do that require a response from you. Using “uh oh” in those moments gives you space to think.

It may prevent you from saying bad words or something unhelpful and mean as a slip. By using this phrase you’re letting your child know what they did was not okay, but you are giving yourself a bit of time to recuperate.

Back to that biting incident…

After I said “uh oh” to my son he ran away. That is something we struggle with as well. As I turned to comfort my son with the bite mark, the offender returned with two flowers and a big apology for his brother.

It didn’t erase the bite marks… but it was a start.

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Bye, Bye Backtalk

Backtalk isn’t just annoying—it’s draining, discouraging, and makes even the simplest requests feel like full-blown negotiations. This workshop will give you a step-by-step plan to stop the constant pushback and start building respectful, two-way communication with your kids. Because when you know how to hold boundaries and help your child feel heard, the fight fizzles—and connection takes its place.

Start Now

5 Instant Ways to Get Hyper Kids to Settle Down

By now, you already know 7 ways to get noisy kids to quiet down. In that same vein, here are some instant ways to get your hyper kids to settle down. This is great for when you need to transition from something busy to something calm.

“Ahhh aaaahhhh, bang, bang, scrape, gotcha!!!”

My 4 oldest (5, 4, 3, and 1 years of age) ran around the house playing a game only children understand. 3 of them were – for some reason – fully naked, and the other was trying to remove his diaper with little success.

They were running from room to room trying to see how many beds they could jump on before they were forced to End Game.

Chickens Without Heads.

That pretty much describes my kids a lot of the time. And I’m cool with that. I like when they’re outside running around screaming like lions, tigers, and bears. Oh my. I even let them do it inside on occasion.

They are, after all, children.

I think it’s good for kids to get their energy and wiggles out in healthy ways. We’re past the days of “children should be seen and not heard.” That said, sometimes the hyper kids gotta settle down.

Sometimes they need to be Quiet and Peaceful. Sometimes they need to access their growing stores of self-control and calm right down.

Here are some ways I make that happen.

Quick and Effective Ways to Get Your Wild Ones Under Control

Before we get into the tricks, let’s assume a few things:

If need be, you’ve gotten down on their level and made eye contact to ensure your kids are listening.
You are speaking in an authoritative (not angry) voice.
You expect your kids to obey and, if not, you have a consequence.
You have a few minutes to remain with them where they are.

“Everyone come sit down on the floor.”

This is my favorite because it requires no pre-planning and can be done anywhere but a mud puddle. In fact, it can be done even in a mud puddle if you don’t mind laundry.

When the kids need enforced Heart-rate Settling, I’ll instruct them to sit down.

I’ll often say, “You’re not in trouble, but we have to calm down.” This is followed by the Why Why Why chorus, which I address.

While they’re sitting and sometimes wallowing, I’ll ask them questions or attempt to engage them in conversation. After a few minutes everyone is more calm and ready to transition to the next thing.

“Grab a book and get in a chair.”

This is one of my absolute favorite calm down tricks. It really works wonders because books are natural pulls for my children.

If the kids are insane and I need 20 minutes of silence, I’ll instruct them to get a pile of books and pick a seat in the living room. This is usually met immediately with whining – which I ignore – and then they dive in.

If they don’t want to read they have to sit still. Reading usually wins out. Plus, this is also a great way to increase your small ones’ reading stamina. By being forced to sit for longer they don’t give up on the activity instantly.

Read: The Calm Down Trick That Works Wonders

Boundaries & Behavior

Loving Authority

Being in charge doesn’t mean being harsh or heavy-handed—it means being steady, clear, and confident. This workshop will help you understand what healthy authority really looks like. When you know how to show up as a secure, grounded leader, your kids feel safe, and everyone starts listening.

Start Now

“Play time in your room.”

If things have gotten really out of hand – or if the kids are fighting amongst themselves more than normal – I’ll institute an impromptu independent play time. Each child goes into their own room (or a separate area of the house) and has their own toys to play with.

This helps build self-control, brings quiet, and gives them a chance to play their own games without their toys being stolen by siblings. After the initial hurdle, kids begin to love independent play time.

Read: How to Teach Kids To Play On Their Own

“Interview time!”

The kids love this. I love it too and often find out interesting tidbits I hadn’t known previously.

I’ll ask the kids to sit in a chair so we can take turns. I’ll go from one child to the next asking a certain question. Each child picks the question then they take turns answering it.

It may be as simple as, “What’s your favorite color?” or “What’s your favorite cartoon?” It might be more complicated or even completely random, but it gives everyone a chance to express themselves. Because they are paying attention to the conversation, the noise levels immediately drop.

Read: How to Get Kids Used to Answering Questions

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Bye, Bye Backtalk

Start Now

“Chore time then more fun.”

We’ve discussed before how South Africans have a parenting trick we could all learn from. Transitions are hard. When you go from one thing to the next, it’s often wise to have a bridge activity.

If you need to get chores done, and know your children will likely fight it, put chore time in front of another activity they love. It may be chore time before screen time or chore time before outside time.

Give them an incentive to push through chores and you’ll be surprised how fast they work. Now, the key is to focus on the activity that’ll happen after chores are completed. “Right now we’re going to do chores, after that we’re going for a swim!”

And let’s remember…

Kids get hyper.

They love to get excited.

And that’s good. Because play is good.

And anyway one day they’ll be gone and this is what we’ll be thinking…

Silence is so freaking loud! S. Dessen

5 Reasons Frustration Will Make Your Kids Better Adults

Frustration is a part of life. It’s annoying and it’s hard, but we must be prepared for it. We already know we don’t always have to make our kids feel better, and here’s why frustration might actually be good for them.

My son gets out of the swimming pool and comes over to me dripping wet. “Mom,” he says in a sweet voice, “I’m hungry. Can I have a snack?”

“No, baby,” I responded, “lunch is in 20 minutes and we’ll fill up then. Keep swimming.” You can imagine how that went. His eyes grew big, his mouth made a face that mirrored his internal horror.

“But I’m hungry NOW! I can’t wait 20 minutes… how long is 20 minutes? NOOO. Please!” Insert tears, Big Whines, and stomping feet.

If you have a child who is frequently frustrated and throwing tantrums, here's how it can actually help them become more healthy adults. Great read for mothers of toddlers and preschoolers.

He was frustrated and understandably so. He was hungry. Hangry, even. I get frustrated when I’m hangry too. The fact was, lunch wasn’t ready.

And he didn’t need a snack to tide him over for 20 minutes then ruin his lunch. Honestly, sometimes it’s okay for your kid to go hungry.

We don’t always have to ease our kids’ frustrations. In fact, I’d go so far as to say we shouldn’t.

5 Reasons Frustration Will Make Your Kids Better Adults

I’m not talking about needless frustration here or making them suffer to prove a point. We’re reasonable mothers, we don’t need to play mind games with our kids.

However, there comes a time when we need to stop managing their frustrations.

Why? Because frustration is not always a bad thing.

Frustration Encourages Problem-Solving

My 18-month-old is in a shoe phase. Particularly a Big Siblings and Mom Shoe Phase. He wants to wear everyone’s shoes and he wants to walk around the house.

The trouble is, the shoes are big and his feet are tiny and this makes walking hard. He’s thrown frustration tantrums left and right for days about this Very Important Toddler Concern.

My response has been minimal. I’ve helped him fit his tiny foot into my flip flop, but it just comes out. I’ll point him towards other shoes that may last longer, but I’m not going to spend hours a day keeping shoes on his feet.

His response to my overall lack of response?

He finds other pairs of shoes. He puts it back on his foot 2,356 times. He keeps going after what he wants. He keeps throwing fits and making a big deal. Then he gets back at it until achieving his desired result.

Boundaries & Behavior

Loving Authority

Start Now

Frustration Fosters Patience

Nobody is patient during intense frustration. But it’s the act of having to wait or being made to wait that helps you flex those patience muscles. Kids who are given whatever they want the minute they are frustrated do not learn to wait.

They think things should happen immediately. That whatever they want is available as soon as they ask. This, unfortunately, is not the way the world works.

Most things in life worth having require patience, hard work and delayed gratification. Starting this lesson early on in life will help your kids learn – deep down – to handle frustration.

Frustration Builds Perseverance

Frustration occurs because things don’t go like the kids plan. If a challenge seems too much, frustration sets in. If a desire seems impossible to attain, frustration builds. In business circles, people often talk about Resistance.

It’s that feeling of being stuck, frustrated, and doubtful that you must push through to get a breakthrough.

Kids are the same. Being frustrated can become a catalyst for perseverance. Frustration can drive the kids to try harder, keep going, and think of new ways to do things. If I am around, the kids get frustrated and wait for me to dive in and rescue.

If I’m not around, my kids Figure It Out.

Read: Pushing Through the Middle

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Bye, Bye Backtalk

Start Now

Frustration Can Put Off Entitlement

Entitlement (n): the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.

We all love doing special things for our kids. Showing them love, showering them with affection, and even giving them gifts. These things in themselves don’t promote entitlement.

But it’s okay to teach them patience. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay if they are disappointed and upset. It’ll pass. It’s not forever. When kids become frustrated and throw contagious tantrums, have meltdowns, or whine incessantly, it’s okay to walk away. It’s okay to let them learn to process those emotions.

This is how they grow up knowing the world doesn’t just give them everything they want.

And that is an important lesson to learn.

Read: Why You Can Say “No” And Not Be a Mean Mom

Frustration Is Part of Life

One thing I’m big on in our home: preparing the kids for real life. We already know modern moms are (inadvertently) raising victims. We don’t want to keep doing that once we realize it’s happening.

We don’t want to interrupt sowing and reaping and cause and effect in our homes. Why? Because they are both very real natural and spiritual principles.

Kids need to learn to handle frustration. We can be empathetic to their emotions, and we should be! But that doesn’t mean we need to orient ourselves towards stopping their whining, tantrums, or anger just to help them avoid frustration.

We don’t need to compromise our family boundaries because we are scared to make our kids angry. It’s okay if they get frustrated. It may just serve them well.

“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning do to do afterward.” K. Vonnegut

But back to the Snack Episode…

After the meltdown and tears and whining, he got back into the pool. He forgot about his snack and he moved on with life. Twenty some odd minutes later… lunch was served. He popped over to the table and proceeded to eat heartily.

He’d forgotten about his frustration.

He’d moved on with life.

He’d gotten over it.

Next time your child is frustrated, sit back and wait before intervening. You may be surprised to learn frustration is giving your kids a nice gift… something we here in the south like to call gumption.

Don’t Punish Childish Behavior, Do This Instead…

We all know that kids will push the envelope and we need to keep our boundaries… but sometimes it’s hard to tell what to do in certain situations. It’s hard to know whether our children are being disobedient or whether they’re just “being children.”

Every single diaper. And some wipes.

With the empty container.

And that look on his face…

wA photo posted by Rachel Norman (@momfarfromhome) on May 12, 2016 at 7:39pm PDT

It’s a common parental dilemma… do I let this slide or do I need to discipline her? Often we get confused because we rightly think, “Well, they’re just kids, what do they know?” We don’t want to be permissive nor do we want to be lax.

We want to keep nice reasonable predictable boundaries for our children. We want to be sure they follow the family rules, but we also don’t want to be too strict. Ever the balancing act.

Here’s one way we can be sure we aren’t just punishing our kids for being… well… kids.

The Difference Between Childishness and Bad Behavior

It’s important we are consistent. It’s already important we model grace for our children. Here’s how we can be sure we aren’t being overly strict in our quest to raise children who are respectful.

Childishness doesn’t know better

“There’s a first time for everything.”

If your child does something for the first time, odds are they’re just being kids. I’d never encourage disciplining or giving a consequence to a child who did something they’d never done before. This may be coloring on walls, dumping flour and sugar all over the floor, or even something slightly dangerous.

After these events you can explain the rules, be clear about your expectations, and maybe even share what consequence they’ll receive if they disobey. But then you move on. Pretty much everything about life is unknown to our little ones. We can’t forget that.

Read: Time In Vs. Time Out … and is Time Out Damaging Kids?

Childishness is curiosity

I have one child who is relentlessly curious. About All The Things. This means I’m frequently annoyed because he’s frequently doing things that I wish he didn’t. Emptying tool boxes and playing Handy Manny.

Looking at tons of books at once and leaving them in piles on the floor.

If your child is naturally curious they’ll likely do quite a few things that seem “naughty.” If they already know something is off limits, their curiosity should be managed with their growing levels of self-control.

If they don’t know what is and isn’t off limits, curiosity is not disobedience.

Read: Siblings Fighting? 6 Simple Ways To Stop The Drama

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Discipline with Dignity

Start Now

Bad Behavior can be repetitive

My curious child loves to dig through my husband’s wallet. This has gone past curiosity into disobedience territory. Why? Because he’s done it enough times – with consequences – to know he shouldn’t.

A repetitive behavior that is clearly outside of family rules and boundaries becomes disobedience.

If your child does something over and over again they know they shouldn’t, this requires consequences and discipline. You can get obedience without constant lecturing, but it requires you being consistent and not waving to and fro.

Negative Behavior has intent

When kids do something out of curiosity or boredom, that’s not bad intent. Sure we may have to be very clear in how we respond so they don’t repeat it (like hanging out near busy roads, etc.) but we know there was no intent.

One of my children wakes up earlier than the others and knows he isn’t allowed out of his room.

However, he only stays in his room around half the time. He knows it’s wrong, he runs away and hides if he sees me, and he makes up excuses. Then, he admits defeat.

Clearly I haven’t found a perfect consequence or he wouldn’t repeat the infraction regularly, but at this point it is not curiosity. It is not innocence. It is flat out disobedience.

Read: 32 Consequences For Undesirable Behavior

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.

Start Now

Childishness should be disciplined (trained), not punished, Foolishness the Opposite

I do think we underestimate our children’s ability to know right from wrong. My kids will often do something once and, as I’m discovering the situation, will apologize or say they they probably shouldn’t have done it.

If the kids know they’ve done something wrong, just enact the consequence and move on. No need for lectures. Certainly no need for shaming. But do be consistent.

If a child does something they know is wrong or harmful, this is foolishness not childishness.

Don’t be afraid to extend grace.

Don’t be afraid to enact consequences.

Kids will be kids… so let us parents be parents.

Disagreement Verses Backtalk… How to Allow One Without The Other

We all want our children to be able to express their emotions, but at what price? Here is how you can let your child disagree without copping an attitude.

Disagreement verses backtalk... how to allow your kids to disagree without allowing negative behavior or attitude

“But I don’t want to, mom…” he said.

“Son, I’ve told you 5 times and I’m about to get upset. Go to your room like I said.”

“But MOM! I can’t...”

“What do you mean you can’t???? Just go and wait for me!!!!!”

He threw his hands by his side, lowered his head, and said in an angry yet pitiful voice… “But it’s so dark in there, I’m scared.”

Oh.

Well.

That makes a difference doesn’t it?…

In this situation, my son wasn’t trying to backtalk or disobey me. He just needed me to turn on a light so he didn’t have to take the Long Walk Down the Hall and into his bedroom in pitch black.

That is a good reason to have a dialogue with me instead of just doing what I ask.

Now, let’s be honest. There are many other times when a child just wants to backtalk.

Tell you no.

Refuse your request.

Kick up a fuss in hopes of delaying the (maybe or maybe not) inevitable.

So since none of us want our children to repress and stifle their emotions, but neither do we want kids who are rude and disrespectful… we’d like to find a line to draw in the sand somewhere.

So… What’s The Difference Between Disagreeing and Backtalk?

Oh, it all comes down to your own family boundaries and what you don’t mind becoming habits. But here are some general thoughts to get your mind working on this issue.

tough phases with toddlers and preschoolers features

Is there an attitude?

This is the big one for me. There is expressing an opinion and there is having a bad or disrespectful attitude. I don’t mind if my children express their opinions, but if there is a eye roll, a defiant attitude, or a Super Snippy Tone… then no. That is not okay.

You can say, “I’m not a huge fan of mushrooms,” instead of “Ewww, mushrooms are gross and I’m not going to eat them.”

Children may not intuitively understand they are saying something rude, but if you keep at the concept of good attitude/bad attitude (or what we like to call a Happy Heart) they’ll understand the boundary.

Read: Can I require a positive attitude without stifling my children’s emotions?

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Bye, Bye Backtalk

Start Now

Is there refusal to do what you’ve asked or desire to express themselves?

At times I interpret my children’s desire to express themselves as refusal to do what I’ve asked. I want them to do what I want them to do exactly right then with no hesitation. Hesitation = disobedience.

That said, I’ve seen my error time and again when my children show they’re wanting more clarification for the task.

You’ll soon know the difference between stalling, needing more information, and backtalk. Stalling shouldn’t be rewarded, backtalk should be disciplined, and clarification can be given.

Is it repetitive, nonstop, or a delaying tactic?

I have one master staller. Actually, all my kids fine tuned their Stalling Tactics around the age of 3. They could ask just the right questions in just the right way that you felt you had to answer.

The trouble is, I don’t want my kids to feel “unheard.” I didn’t want to walk away from them mid-question.

To help avoid this, I use and love these two very effective phrases.

“I love you too much to argue.”

This is from Parenting With Love and Logic. If your child is trying to argue or wheel and deal and won’t seem to take “no” for an answer, this is a great phrase. I love you too much to argue.

Slightly sarcastic yet ultimately true. When you know there will be no arguing on a certain point, use that phrase.

“Asked and answered.”

This is another good phrase of the same vein. My 2-year-old doesn’t quite understand this yet, but the older kids do. My daughter will actually ask for something 5, 345 times in a row.

Or at least she would. I’m telling you, that girl has Persistence. Perseverance. She’s going to be a future leader. These phrases work well with her and discourage backtalk.

What’s the harm in listening?

If your child seems genuinely frustrated, not disrespectful, then take the time to listen. My 4-year-old so is often confused about instructions, scared about execution, or nervous and wants more information.

I don’t feel those are backtalk or bad attitudes, so I’m not opposed to listening.

However, once that crosses over into refusal to obey or meltdown mode, I know we’ve entered Backtalk Territory. Each child will have their own ways to backtalk you, and the key is to figure them out and not get caught in the power struggle.

Connection & Culture

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Manners in a Disconnected World

Equipping parents with a simple, consistent approach to teaching and reinforcing good manners so that their child naturally incorporates polite behavior into daily life.

Start Now

As with anything in parenting, it’s a process. They’ll push the envelope as far as they can until know are very clear with our boundaries. It’s one way they develop security in our home.

When your children start to backtalk – but you can see they are passionate about what they’re saying – help them to adopt a respectful tone. Teach them which words they cannot say and how they are to speak when they’re trying to disagree.

“I’m not going to do it!!!” is not the same as, “Mom, I don’t really feel like it right now.”

It may be tough luck and they have to do it anyway, but the goal is to allow our children to communicate their thoughts, feelings, and desires without backtalk.

Without copping an attitude.

Without being disrespectful.

It’s a lifelong process… one we’re all learning.

5 Simple Ways to Win Back Your Child’s Heart

During stressful, busy, or overwhelming seasons we can tend to disconnect from our kids unintentionally. Survival mode is a real thing! Here are 5 simple ways to get your kid’s heart back when you feel the distance.

We were sitting on the couch the other day. Myself, my 5-year-old daughter, and my 1-year-old son.

He did something a bit silly and I kissed his head. Then, all of a sudden, my daughter started crying. Sort of a whimper. Surprised, I looked at her sweet face and said, “Honey, what’s wrong?”

“When you kissed him I felt sad. I don’t feel good about you right now, mom.”

Talk about a blow to a mama’s heart. She didn’t need to elaborate. I already knew. We had a one week old baby in the house and, before that, weeks and weeks of Miserable Pregnant Mama (because This Is What Pregnancy Feels Like).

Daddy had been on duty more than normal. So had Nana, our mother’s helper, and aunts and uncles. Mama wasn’t MIA, but it wasn’t far off.

She felt disconnected.

She felt left out.

She wanted to be mama’s girl again.

And the truth was… I was ready for that too. Not only with my daughter, but with all my kids. Even one week postpartum I felt closer to my normal self and was ready to get back to normal.

I was ready to win back my children’s hearts.

Simple Ways to Win Back Your Child’s Heart

Moms cannot do it all.

There will be times and seasons where we aren’t able to be as connected or focused on our children as we’d like. When being a “present parent” is a lot harder than normal. Even though we prioritize our kids above nearly all else. That’s okay. That’s life.

However, when we’ve made the shift and desire to reconnect with our kids – and assure them we are fully present – it’s not as hard as you think. Children are born desiring connection with their parents, so the good news is… even if you feel disconnected, you can get back on track.

Do Something Spontaneous

This is my go to when I want to be Fun Mom again. It doesn’t have to be grand, just unexpected. Friday night I was really feeling the distance between myself and the kids. During bedtime it occurred to me… we should have Saturday morning breakfast with ice cream!

So we woke up, got dressed, and went to town (yes, we have to go to town because we don’t live in town) for ice cream.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Parenting in Hard Times

Parenting through a crisis feels heavy—but you don’t have to do it alone. This workshop gives you a clear plan to bring stability, emotional safety, and strength to your family when life gets shaky. Because in hard times, your kids need a steady, loving guide.

Start Now

Doing something unexpected or silly might be as simple as:

a dance party
taking a walk in a new place
getting dessert as a family
doing a craft or activity together
going for a Sunday drive and getting out to explore along the way

Stop, Watch, and Really Listen

My daughter starts Kindergarten in two and a half weeks. I die. We were sitting on the couch talking and lounging, and I started staring at her face. Really staring. Watching how she talked, her expressions, and what she was saying.

It occurred to me it’d been some since I’d truly paid close attention to her. After just a few moments my heart swelled with joy and we had a great talk.

For the rest of the day, I purposely did that with each child. We know spending one on one time with kids is important, but even just turning a one minute diaper change into a 3 minute bonding session can start to reforge (or strengthen) your connection.

Listening to what our kids say, praising them (especially if we’ve stopped that for whatever reason), and responding in the moment makes a huge difference in connection.

Spend 1-on-1 Time For Current Interests

My daughter is starting Kindergarten soon. Because this means she’ll be gone during the day, we are spending a lot of time focusing on that. This means we’ve shopped together. Picked out her clothes, uniforms, and shoes together.

We’ve been practicing using ABCmouse (click here to get your first month free) so she learns mouse skills and can take basic assessments on the computer. We’ve been scrolling Pinterest looking for cute girl hairstyles. We are bonding over her upcoming life change.

Connection & Culture

13-18, 6-12

Rooted in Family

Family life shouldn’t feel like a blur of to-do lists that leave you wondering if the memories are even sticking. This workshop helps you define your family’s core values and create simple, meaningful traditions that bring everyone closer without adding pressure.

Start Now

4-year-old – He loves dinosaurs and airplanes. I’ve been reading a lot of dinosaur books with him specifically because his eyes light up. Today we have a date to watch some dinosaur videos online. A big deal for us because my kids never get online.

3-year-old – He loves dirt and trucks. I can try to do any number of things with him, but he runs away quickly laughing like a maniac. However, if I join him in his truck games or sit near him while he plays in the dirt we can spend a lot more time together since I’m joining him where he is. This son truly knows the difference between playing and being entertained.

1-year-old – My third son is just getting into books. He will sit back on the couch and snuggle up. His attention span is short, but board books and pop-up books will keep his attention for quite a while as long as there are minimal distractions. We’re working to increase his reading stamina as we speak.

Connecting is easier when we join our kids in their own interests instead of trying to bring them into our own.

Make the Bedtime Routine Longer

Hands down, this is the easiest way to carve our more time during the day with the kids. When you’re busy doing your wind down routine at bedtime, add another 5 or 10 minutes. This may be reading just one more chapter. Talking about one more thing.

Snugging just a while longer.

At bedtime they’re a captive audience and, clearly, they don’t want you to leave anyway! Take advantage of their delaying and stalling tactics and focus on being a present parent in the time you do have.

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 6-12

Goodnight Bedtime Battles

This workshop will give you a simple, sanity-saving bedtime system that actually works—one that helps your kids wind down, fall asleep without endless stalling, and stay asleep (so you can finally get some rest).

Start Now

Press Pause on As Much As Possible

Some seasons of life are busier than others. Occasionally, our life is so full we’re pulled away from the things we prioritize most. This may happen during an illness, pregnancy, or when one parent has big work-related projects.

During these times I’ve found it’s important to pull away from as much else as possible.

This may mean pulling back from weekly groups, removing yourself from committees, and scaling back socially so you won’t be pulled in tons of directions. Kids need stability and regularity at home.

Studies show kids who are always being schlepped in the car to and fro with little downtime have increased risk of becoming depressed and anxious. Even little kids!

If life has been hectic and you need to reconnect…

Focus on the small things.

Pull back from the things that are keeping you from your kids.

Pay close attention and meet them where they’re at.

An Honest Review of “Large Family Logistics”

If you have a lot of kids close together in age you may be considering this book. I hope this honest review will help.

I wanted to read this book for a long time.

At nearly $30 price tag (sometimes higher) I had a hard time spending that kind of money. On one book.

An honest review of the Large Family Logistics book review.

Then I got pregnant (surprise!) with my 5th child… and I had a hard time coming to terms.

How would I get everything done? How could I hold it all together? How could I meet all their needs and still maintain my own sanity?

Well, I’m 38 weeks pregnant as I type so, I can’t give those answers. But I did buy Large Family Logistics and read it cover to cover. I’ve created a video with my honest thoughts about it below.

An Honest Review of the “Large Family Logistics” Book

Here are the pros and cons of Large Family Logistics, in my opinion.

The Positives of Large Family Logistics

Here’s what I loved.

1. The “You Can Do” Attitude

The author has 9 children whom she homeschools. Oh, and she lives on a farm. Not a hobby farm, a proper farm. One would look at her from the outside and think she is the epitome of superwoman.

That said, the book was neither condescending, sanctimonious, nor “I’ve got it all together” in nature. It was encouraging, empowering, and helped you to feel you – too – could get it all done.

“Efficiency saves you time, and we all appreciate more time.” Amy Brenneman

2. The Systems

Her entire book is chock full of systems. It’s how she gets everything done she needs. There are food systems, bill paying systems, chore systems, family time and devotion systems, and on and on.

She doesn’t just wax on and waste time about how her life works so well, she actually gives step by step super practical systems that she lays out in explicit detail.

“Managing the home is a biblical duty of wives and mothers, and sometimes that managing involves managing others who are helping you.” Amy Brenneman

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

No Nag Chore Routines

Getting kids to do chores shouldn’t be a daily battle. Let me help you build a simple, age-appropriate system that teaches independence, teamwork, and responsibility—without constant micromanaging. Because a well-run home isn’t about doing it all yourself.

Start Now

3. There’s No Filler

If there’s one thing that super duper annoys me, it’s when someone spends 25% of their book/podcast/blog post/course talking about how great and successful they are and they don’t get to the point.

Ain’t nobody got time for that. This book is all useful, no filler.

Read: All-Time Best Christian Parenting Books (According to Mom Reviews)

Each chapter is short, to the point, and only as long as it needs to be. She weaves her philosophy into it, obviously, but it’s a quick read that you can use as a reference. It doesn’t have to be read in order.

4. Revealed Major Flaws in my Homemaking

As I read the book I had tons of “Ah Ha” moments. A lot of “Oh, THAT’S a good idea” thoughts. But instead of feeling guilty, overwhelmed, or inadequate I just felt encouraged to start doing things better.

That said, I was and still am pregnant so I haven’t put everything into practice I’d like to.

I am waiting until postpartum to begin a few of the new systems, but I found it to be a revealing book. If she can homeschool 9 kids, run a farm, and never run out of food in her fridge or pantry… I can learn a lot from her!

The Negative of Large Family Logistics

Here’s what rubbed me the wrong way about the book. In fact, it’s really the only thing. It is, however, woven through the fabric of the book so on quite a few occasions I found myself shaking my head and thinking… “Wow, whatever pastor told you that needs to step down and read the Bible more.”

It’s Super Patriarchal

I am a firm believer men and women are created differently, have different gifts, and bring different talents and roles into a family. But I felt this book took it a bit too far. I think this type of environment she’s describing creates a rife breeding ground for abuse. Of course most marriages don’t have an abusive partner. Praise God.

But if you believe your husband is emotionally or verbally abusive, do not read this book. She says, at one point, if you call your children in for a meeting or a talk, to tell them that you are talking to them on behalf of their father.

That you, as the mother, don’t or shouldn’t be using parental authority in your home. Because, to her, in every single area of your home and life, the buck stops with Dad.

Boundaries & Behavior

Loving Authority

Start Now

She says that you, as the homemaker, should not make your own goals. Instead, you should sit down with your husband, list out his wants, needs, and desires, and make those your goals. Spend your days fulfilling your husband’s goals in your home.

Respecting your husband and creating a home where he feels welcome and loved is admirable and godly. Abdicating your person-hood and identity to your husband is neither biblical nor wise.

Acting as though you cannot make your own decisions in your own home without getting “clearance” from your husband, and refraining from having your own goals is just crazy to me. My opinion, of course.

On the whole…

For the systems, ideas, strategies, and encouragement… I highly recommend this book. If you have 4 or more kids (less than that this would seem like overkill) this will be a great reference or resource for areas in your home that just don’t work right.

That don’t flow.

You’ll see what can be possible and stop feeling that you are destined to a disastrous home until the kids leave.

Related Reads:

5 Exceptions to the Rule You Must Teach Your Kids

Certain personalities – like the Type A wife and mom – think in black and white. This can be a great strength, but it can also be a weakness because as reasonable women know, life is sometimes gray. Here are some big exceptions to the rule our kids need to know.

While there are some "rules of life" there are definitely exceptions we mothers should teach our kids.

Read: Why Modern Moms are Raising Victims (And How to Stop)

It was a gut wrenching shock of a story. A 5-year-old raped daily by teenage neighbors while her babysitter sat around and watched TV or knitted a scarf. I cried tears of sorrow thinking of my own 5-year-old daughter in her room sound asleep and happy.

So the next day I decided we’d talk about the issue of abuse a bit further. We’ve read Amazing You and call body parts by their anatomically correct names and don’t shy away from these topics.

But I wanted to get things clear before she starts Kindergarten in a few months.

As she was getting into her pajamas, I broached the subject.

“Honey, no one is allowed to touch your private parts. If someone tries to touch you – or tries to get you to touch them – you need to be very firm and tell them ‘No.‘”

My daughter said, “Yes, I’ll tell them NO and then come tell you. Or my teacher.”

Thinking all was going well I smiled and agreed. Then she dropped this bomb…

“But I’ll say it very nicely so they don’t get their feelings hurt.”

I sat back and Needed a Minute…

No, actually, you don’t have to be nice to a pervert abuser. No, you don’t need to worry about their feelings.

I thought to myself, what in the world has happened in our Make Everyone Feel Happy and Fuzzy Society that makes us think we need to be nice to those acting evil, and shame those who are doing their best.

But she’s only 5 and wasn’t being philosophical so I just said, “Honey, if someone tries to touch your or force you to touch them, don’t worry about being nice. Just be forceful and get away fast.“

Exceptions to the Rule Our Kids Need to Know

Each family is different and what you consider a given rule may not be mine, but I think we’ll all agree… not everything is appropriate in all scenarios.

Rule #1: If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say, Don’t Say Anything At All

Just no. Of course, we are to be kind, compassionate, and genuine people who love others. But let’s not teach our kids to be weak in the face of injustice or abuse and call it politeness. Let’s not teach our kids to stand by and watch others get hurt because it’s “none of their business” and they’re not supposed to say something that isn’t nice.

Being “nice” is not a virtue. We can raise cowards afraid to speak up for fear of rocking the boat. There are some things that should be said that are not nice. For kids, these include, but are not limited to:

“Stop talking to me like that, you are mean and I don’t want to hear it.”

“What you did was not right.”

“You are not my boss and I don’t have to listen to you.” (see next point)

“I don’t want to be friends with you, you are not a nice person.”

Growing Up & Life Transitions

13-18

Healthy Dating Boundaries

This workshop gives you a clear, age-appropriate plan for open convos and healthy boundaries—so your kids feel supported, not smothered. Because when crushes hit, you want to be their go-to, not the last to know.

Start Now

Rule #2: Respect Your Elders

While I agree with this concept and believe honor, respect, and authority are important concepts to instill in our children, the practical application can be easily distorted.

Children can behave politely and respectfully (acting respectfully is not the same thing as respecting) because that is good manners. But that doesn’t mean you are my kid’s boss just because you’re an adult. I am their boss.

My child does not have to obey a random senior citizen just because she’s old. My child does not have to hug someone because they are told to.

My child is not under the authority of anyone but myself and my husband (and other family members where we’ve clearly extended it). Be rude? No. Follow any old stranger’s advice? I hardly think so.

(Note: I’m not applying this to situations in which there’s implied authority such as a teacher, coach, or other long-term and familiar relationships with elders, nor am I advocating disrespect, simply that my child is not “disobedient” if they don’t do what a stranger tells them.)

Read These While You’re At It

What Moms Need to Know About Reward Systems

How to give something that won’t wear out

Tips to unplug and be with your kids

Rule #3: You Can Do Anything You Set Your Mind To

A mediocre athlete won’t make it to the NBA. If you can’t pass science you won’t get into Med School. If you can’t sing on key you won’t win The Voice. That’s okay. That’s fine. This phrase would be better taught as, “Hard work will open many doors.”

Our kids shouldn’t be fed a line of bull to falsely inflate their self-esteem. We should look for their strengths and encourage those. We should help them discover their passions and talents, but we shouldn’t encourage pie in the sky dreams that result in disappointment.

Rule #4: Follow Your Heart

Our feelings are not our identities. Whims, emotions, and temporary desires are not tools used to make important life decisions. No, we don’t want our kids choosing jobs or spouses that make them miserable.

No, we don’t want our kids to be plagued with depression or anxiety because they work 12 hours at a job they hate. But it’s important our kids know one good rule of thumb…

“Feelings make excellent servants, but terrible masters.”

Sometimes they’ll have to get up, get dressed, go to work, finish what they’ve started, love the one they’re with, fulfill their obligations, and be available to those who depend on them.

Even if they don’t feel like it. Martyr themselves as a lifestyle? Of course not. Think outside their own temporary emotions and heart? Yes.

Growing Up & Life Transitions

13-18, 6-12

Peer Pressure Proof

You can’t bubble-wrap your kid from peer pressure—but you can teach them to stand tall when it hits. This workshop shows you how to raise a kid who says “no,” sticks to their values, and makes smart choices—even when friends push the wrong way. Because we’re not raising people-pleasers—we’re raising kids who know who they are and act like it.

Start Now

Rule #5: Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

Life has a way of teaching us patience, perseverance, and persistence. Of that there is no doubt. But let’s not interpret this phrase as…

“Sit back on your haunches and wait for what you want to materialize out of thin air.“

The cold hard fact of life is this: meeting your personal, professional, and spiritual goals takes a lot of effort and hard work. Certainly, there are exceptions when God intervenes divinely. That anonymous check sent in your time of need.

The car a friend gave you when you couldn’t afford one. Your offer accepted on the perfect house at the perfect time.

But you may have to hustle for many years before good things come. You may have to devote years to study, action, and hard work. Misusing this phrase in our homes will just raise kids who expect handouts and bailouts.

We should teach our children to wisely, prudently, and responsibly go after what they want.

… But back to the “being nice to the child abuser” story…

Later that night as I was laying in bed, I knew I needed another pow wow with my girl. The next evening I brought up the subject plainly.

I told her, “You know what? If someone is trying to hurt you and won’t back off, what I want you to do is scream. Very loudly. Scream like a maniac and run.”

Head tilted, she looked at me confused and said, “But you don’t like it when I scream.“

Honey… there are exceptions to every rule.

To the Parents Who “Think” They’re In Control…

To the parents who think the adults were being negligent at the Disney World resort…

To the parents who blame the mom at the Cincinnati zoo for death of the gorilla…

To the parents who are quick to say others aren’t “paying attention” or they’re “distracted on their iPhone“…

I have one thing to say to you.

Control is an illusion.

what happens when parents think they control everything feature

Oh yeah, sure, we’re supposed to make good choices and be wise. We are to protect our families and be on call and on guard to shield them from harm. But mature people know, at the end of the day, we are not in control of this life.

When You Think You’re In Control, You Get Haughty

“Those parents should be charged with negligence.“

“That mom should be held responsible for the death of the gorilla.”

And on and on. It’s easy, from your comfy couch in your yoga pants with your kids safely ensconced in beds, to say that other moms got what they deserved. But that isn’t surprising. Because if you believe you’re in control, you think every bad thing that happens is someone’s fault.

If that child had minded better…

If they wouldn’t have owned a pool in the first place…

If they’d have chained their dresser to the wall…

If mom hadn’t had her back turned…

If they didn’t let him play in the front yard…

You think you so perfectly manage your environment that nothing bad happens. And because you think you can do this, you think others can too. And, when you perceive they haven’t, well, it’s their own fault.

Read These While You’re At It

What Busy Moms Should Buy In Bulk To Save Time

Stay At Home Mom Quotes That Totally Explain Your Life

The Busy Mom’s Beginning Guide To Canning (And An Applesauce Recipe!)

Awesome Bread Pudding Using Leftover Sandwich Crusts

When You Think You’re In Control, You Get Anxious

In our first world affluent culture, we are immune to the survival struggles of the rest of the world. Got an infection? Get antibiotics. Baby is breech? Get a c-section. Snake bit you? Call 911.

When you think you’re in control of everything you begin to control everything.

You feel responsible for every single thing.

You feel the burden of every single decision, circumstance, and possible outcome to every situation.

You become obsessed and depressed at the thought of something bad happening. But guess what? You can plan for all the things your imagination throws at you, but that doesn’t mean you’re in control.

Diseases, accidents, senseless tragedies, horrible decisions on the parts of others… you cannot account for everything.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

13-18, 6-12

Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

Taking care of your mental health shouldn’t feel like another chore. This workshop shows you how to build simple, sustainable routines that support your well-being and your kid’s emotional health—without the stress or overthinking.

Start Now

When You Think You’re In Control You Are Deceiving Yourself

If you think you’re in control of everything you are living in unreality. You are deceived and – when something bad happens to another – you feel smug in your judgment.

You feel prideful that your family hasn’t gone through that because you, The Perfect Parent, just wouldn’t let it happen.

But you can serve your children only organic food and get a terminal diagnosis.

You can train your children not to run into the road, but what about the cars that veer off the road?

You can watch your child every single minute of the day to make sure they don’t get into mischief. Until you have another child.

You can spend $100,000 on your daughter’s private education and find out her music teacher was a pedophile.

You can have your kids in the church every time the door is open and watch them walk away from their faith.

You can save tirelessly for retirement and lose it in one GFC.

You can think you are in control of every aspect of your life and act like a Great Big Jerk when others fail to meet your lofty (and ridiculous) expectations.

Or you can know that control, ultimately, is an illusion. You can choose to act wisely, with prudence and common sense. You can do this and know that despite your best efforts, the future isn’t guaranteed.

When You Think You’re in Control You Take For Granted the Good

When you think you’re directly responsible for every good thing in your life, you’re too busy patting yourself on the back to appreciate it.

Instead of being grateful – today – for healthy children, you credit your real food diet. Instead of thanking God for your many blessings, you make a list of the things you have to conquer so you can move one more rung up the ladder.

You are so busy controlling every aspect of your life you don’t even appreciate it. Then, when something tragic happens, the only way you can make sense of it is to victim shame and blame.

For not doing enough. Being enough. Trying hard enough. You’re both robbed of joy and burdened with judgment at once.

Because if something bad can happen to them, it could happen to you.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Start Now

And you don’t want to admit you’re not in control, but the truth is…

Bad things can happen to good people.

The best laid plans can fail.

Accidents can take place when everyone is paying attention.

People are just doing the best they can and sometimes, when tragedies occur, compassion is a better response than judgment. Sympathy is better than shaming. Hugging your own children a little tighter is better than being smug about your good fortune.

Trouble will come, a wise man once said, you can depend on it. It’s your choice whether you rise up and help or kick those who are down.

The Best Way to Fight Bump Frump in Pregnancy and Postpartum

Pregnancy is a glorious season… mainly because it ends with your family holding a beautiful baby. Otherwise, it can be hard, discouraging, and a blow to the ole self esteem.

Here’s how you can fight the frumpy ugly feeling and put your best foot forward during this life season.

Pregnant and postpartum women who feel frumpy, huge, and unattractive... this is for you. A great read for the pregnant mom of small kids.

This pregnancy, my 5th one… I’ll let that sink in… was a surprise.

A “I’m driving to the drug store right now to buy a test and take it in the bathroom alone because this can’t be happening to me” type of surprise.

I’d given away all newborn stuff, boy and girl. I’d given away all maternity clothes, for every season. I’d gotten within 5-10 pounds of my pre-motherhood weight and my hips had nearly stopped with the infernal clicking when I walked.

I was… as they say… moving into a new season.

Read: When You Feel Like You’ll Be Pregnant Forever

Until that morning in Walgreens.

Part of why I found the idea so difficult is that I’m not good at being pregnant. I don’t like to be uncomfortable nor do I like to blow up like a blimp every year.

It’s hard for me. It’s why I don’t weigh myself when I’m pregnant, why I haven’t weighed myself in over 5 years. And why I may never do so again.

When I got over the shock and settled into figuring out how on earth we’d actually take care of 5 kids 5 years and under… I realized this time I needed to do things differently.

Instead of just being super cheap for the sake of it, I needed to put my best foot forward and try to embrace pregnancy. Embrace this time.

The Best Ways to Fight Frumpiness in the Pregnancy and Postpartum Periods

You’re going to get bigger and bigger and bigger. In fact, the bigger you are the easier it is.

It’s that weird second trimester, “I’m not pregnant, but I’m weird looking” phase that’s the worst, eh? Here’s how to fight the frump, even if it’s just mental.

Figure out your style

This may be the best thing you can do. With a few of my pregnancies I just wore whatever would fit around me.

I felt gross. Partly because I don’t like being pregnant, but mostly because I didn’t feel like “me.”

My clothes were the wrong colors, the wrong cuts, the wrong style, and I felt like a Big Alien Whale.

If you don’t know your style, I encourage you to sign up for this free course that’ll help tell you your own style based on your personality. It’s fantastic.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Self-Care That Sticks

In this workshop, you’ll ditch the “I don’t have time” excuse and build a flexible, doable self-care plan that fits into your real life. Because taking care of yourself shouldn’t feel like another thing on your to-do list.

Start Now

Get clothes in that style

You may have to look around for a while to find what types of pregnancy clothes you love, but just do it. Quality over quantity. Style over the number you possess.

It’s better to have 4 dresses you love than 10 that are ugly and make you feel frumpy.

Maternity clothes can be expensive, so you can go to thrift stores, ask around from friends who share your tastes, or just scour for deals.

Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize

This is a mental game. The bigger the necklace, the cuter the shoes, you feel eyes are taken away from your huge tummy, tree trunk thighs, and swelling face.

The necklace may or may not do the trick, but it really helps. If you have plain outfits, or clothes without much pattern, buy cute flashy shoes.

Having a cute pair of shoes (that will fit your expanding feet) will help you feel put together and cute, even if you don’t “feel cute.”

Trust me, I know how pregnant women really feel. It’s tempting to buy cheap Styrofoam shower flip flops, but they won’t help your cause.

Stay active

Some days I barely move past the couch. Fatigue and soreness are a constant companion of the pregnant woman. However, keeping as active as you’re able makes a big difference.

It helps reduce swelling, gives you more energy, and helps fight massive weight gain. Nothing makes you feel more frumpy than being 256 pounds heavier than pre-pregnancy self.

Even if you have to “make yourself” try to keep doing things you enjoy.

Even if “active” just means going to the beach, park, or outside with family, try to fight the intense lethargy. I struggle at this big time, but find when I do make myself (not every time, of course) get out there I feel better.

Put away all skinny person clothes

Just do this. In fact, if you have skinny clothes from years pre-pregnancy, get them out of your closet now.

When you open your closet, the only clothes that should be accessible and in view are those you can fit into. Period. No skinny jeans, sheath dresses, or button-ups. Fold, vacuum pack, or stow them away.

But keep them out of view. Opening the closet – even if it’s nearly empty – and seeing only clothes you can wear makes a huge mental difference.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Weary To Well

This 10-day reset will help you uncover what’s wearing you down (spoiler: it’s not just lack of sleep), set boundaries without guilt, and finally create space to breathe again. Because burnout isn’t your personality—it’s a signal things need to change.

Start Now

Try to go for “comfy yet cute”

If you are a high heels and short skirt type person, pregnancy may be hard for you. Or rather, I can’t imagine sporting high heels for too much of the pregnancy.

But you can still feel fairly put together and cute without being too dressy. Aim for your style but toned down a notch or two. Even sporty type workout clothes that are color coordinated still look put together.

You may have to go from “work ready” to “casual” but you can still do that within your own taste.

Get postpartum ready

After you’ve delivered, you’ll likely need nursing clothes. You won’t be wearing maternity but neither will you fit into your old clothes.

I’ve already purchased a few dresses in an “in between” size as well as some supportive garments to help re-attach my stomach to itself. Buy comfy shoes, slippers, and cute pajamas or robes if you plan on staying in for a few weeks. Modern Day Confinement.

To sum it all up…

Take a bit of time to plan out how you can feel at your best and able to meet the challenges of pregnancy.

Your spouse may not care if you stay in your pajamas all day, but when those pajamas start becoming too tight and too short… it’s time to treat yourself well.

How To Make Decisions When You’re Worried Your Kids Will “Miss Out”

Inside: For mothers of toddlers, preschoolers, and elementary aged kids who are making decisions out of fear… this will bring you great encouragement!

On Monday Jennie has piano lessons and Janie has soccer.

On Tuesday Janie has ballet and Jimmie has baseball.

On Wednesday there are no activities because it’s bible study and youth group at church.

On Thursday Jennie has singing lessons and Jimmie has a math tutor.

On Friday Jimmie and Jennie have games and Janie tags along to one or both.

On Saturday, the whole family goes out of town for the long weekend to “get away.”

On Sunday, church, church, and more church.

This fear keeps moms from making wise decisions. Great read for mothers of toddlers, preschoolers, and elementary aged kids.

Dinner is mostly to-go every night and the kids don’t get in bed before 9 pm. Oh, and Janie is 3, Jennie is 5, and Jimmie is 7. And, just to be clear, we are doing this for the kids.

Now, almost every parent alive wants what’s best for their kids. We want them to have the chance at awesome schools, activities, opportunities, and everything else. But sometimes we organize our family’s activities based on something insidious…

The fear our kids will miss out.

To be sure I don’t get hate mail here, I am most definitely not against kids playing sports, taking lessons, or having pursuits outside the home.

If your child is thriving then that is the goal! I’m talking about the situation that occurs when the entire family becomes overloaded due to activities the kids aren’t really into.

Read: Why Modern Moms are Raising Victims (And How to Stop)

How to make decisions based on your family values, not fear

Here are a few questions we can ask ourselves if we find ourselves in a frenzy of kid activities and we aren’t exactly sure why.

1. Are you choosing this activity or opportunity for fear they’ll fall behind or because it’ll bring them joy?

If your kids love the hustle and bustle and aren’t burned out and anxious because of your busy schedule then that’s great for your family. If you are enrolling your children in all sorts of things just because others are doing it, and because you fear they will be put at a disadvantage, then take heart.

They will live without a soccer participation trophy. You can put off those music lessons a few years until you don’t have to cart a baby and fussy toddler around with you everywhere.

Sure it’s a good idea to find out your children’s talents and passions early, but odds are you don’t have a prodigy. And if you don’t have a prodigy then there’s no need to load up your 5 year old’s schedule just because you are worried they will miss out. In fact they probably will miss out.

They’ll miss out on proper meals, good sleep, and simple time with their families. And those things are more important for their emotional development which effects every other aspect of their being anyway.

Connection & Culture

Setting Your Family Pace

Family life shouldn’t feel like a constant race. This workshop helps you build a balanced, sustainable pace that handles responsibilities while making space for rest, connection, and what really matters.

Start Now

2. Think long-term with balance

It’s a great quality in a parent to think about and plan for their children’s future. Making wise decisions that will affect the family long-term is something great parents do. But you can take this too far. In fact, many things you try to do too early and with too much frequency can actually backfire.

It’s like growing an avocado tree. The first few years you probably don’t let it produce heavy fruit because the weight will be too heavy to allow the tree to grow properly. For a while, you have to prune, stabilize, and actively keep the load lighter so later it can grow tall, strong, and be fruitful.

3. Don’t project

We can all be guilty of this to a certain extent, and it’s why we put our children in things they don’t even care about. We force “opportunities” on our children they don’t really want because we’re miffed we didn’t have them.

If your child isn’t excited about the activities, if they would rather stay in the car than go inside, if they say they want to go home instead of games or practice, take a step back.

Do they want to do this or is it just you? Don’t do your kids the disservice of trying to live vicariously through them.

If you are deep in overwhelm and need to brainstorm to Get Out then try this overcoming overwhelm packet. It’ll give you big changes quickly!

4. Stop parenting outside the funnel

Parenting in the funnel means we give age appropriate privileges at the right times. Letting a preschooler watch a Rated R movie would be an extreme example of parenting outside the funnel.

Why strap your family’s wallet to put your child in the “best” preschool when, really, all they need is a clean safe area to play and make friends? A young elementary student doesn’t really need the pressure and stress of a competitive sport and endless weekly practices on their shoulders.

There is time for that and, if you want them to able to hold up well under pressure later, don’t weigh them down now.

5. Do the cons outweigh the pros?

Children are like sponges and learn in every environment they are put in. But do we stop and weigh the pros and cons? Pros of soccer or baseball might be learning teamwork, obeying instruction, and physical exercise.

The cons of soccer or baseball might be exhaustion, the effects of busyness on the whole entire family, lack of family time, and negative behavior.

And this grows exponentially the more children you have doing various things.

Your family may thrive under the busyness and activity. Right now, I’m talking to us parents who are tempted – out of fear – to overextend their children because they’re worried they are going to miss out on something they can never get back.

The effects of a perpetually busy lifestyle are exhaustion, burnout, depression, anxiety, and stress. And if you, as an adult, need more margin and less busy, what on earth do you think a child needs? Well…. less time spent in a vehicle being carted around to things they don’t care about.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Start Now

Some fears we have that cloud our decisions

Fear of our kids missing out tells us our kids need the best clothes to fit in, even if we have to charge it.
Fear of our kids missing out tells us our children will get behind in school if we don’t have them in structured activities by age 3.
Fear of our kids missing out tells us we’re depriving our kids if we put the family’s needs before extras.
Fear of our kids missing out tells us we must do everything – ALL OF IT – now, because later it’ll be too late.

Ladies… the fact that you are concerned with providing your children special opportunities and helping them to live life to its full is proof that you are a good mom. They don’t need more of everything else, they just need more of the simple things you’re already doing.

Next time you are visited by this fear just remember: it’s a liar. And liars only have power when you listen.

All Posts

The Difference between Spoiling and Spoiling Rotten

1. Make spoils special

Why “Uh Oh” Works Wonders

You have an automatic response

50+ Connection Questions

It is sing songy

50+ Connection Questions

It prevents you from lecturing

It gives you time to think

Back to that biting incident…

Quick and Effective Ways to Get Your Wild Ones Under Control

“Everyone come sit down on the floor.”

“Grab a book and get in a chair.”

“Play time in your room.”

“Interview time!”

“Chore time then more fun.”

5 Reasons Frustration Will Make Your Kids Better Adults

Frustration Encourages Problem-Solving

Frustration Fosters Patience

Frustration Builds Perseverance

Frustration Can Put Off Entitlement

Frustration Is Part of Life

The Difference Between Childishness and Bad Behavior

Childishness doesn’t know better

Childishness is curiosity

Bad Behavior can be repetitive

Negative Behavior has intent

Childishness should be disciplined (trained), not punished, Foolishness the Opposite

So… What’s The Difference Between Disagreeing and Backtalk?

Is there an attitude?

Is there refusal to do what you’ve asked or desire to express themselves?

Is it repetitive, nonstop, or a delaying tactic?

What’s the harm in listening?

Encourage polite opinion sharing… this will be a process

Simple Ways to Win Back Your Child’s Heart

Do Something Spontaneous

Stop, Watch, and Really Listen

Spend 1-on-1 Time For Current Interests

Make the Bedtime Routine Longer

Press Pause on As Much As Possible

An Honest Review of the “Large Family Logistics” Book

The Positives of Large Family Logistics

1. The “You Can Do” Attitude

2. The Systems

3. There’s No Filler

4. Revealed Major Flaws in my Homemaking

The Negative of Large Family Logistics

It’s Super Patriarchal

On the whole…

Exceptions to the Rule Our Kids Need to Know

Rule #1: If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say, Don’t Say Anything At All

Rule #2: Respect Your Elders

Rule #3: You Can Do Anything You Set Your Mind To

Rule #4: Follow Your Heart

Rule #5: Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

When You Think You’re In Control, You Get Haughty

When You Think You’re In Control, You Get Anxious

When You Think You’re In Control You Are Deceiving Yourself

When You Think You’re in Control You Take For Granted the Good

The Best Ways to Fight Frumpiness in the Pregnancy and Postpartum Periods

Figure out your style

Get clothes in that style

Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize

Stay active

Put away all skinny person clothes

Try to go for “comfy yet cute”

Get postpartum ready

Self-Care Routine Tracker

To sum it all up…

How to make decisions based on your family values, not fear

1. Are you choosing this activity or opportunity for fear they’ll fall behind or because it’ll bring them joy?

2. Think long-term with balance

3. Don’t project

4. Stop parenting outside the funnel

5. Do the cons outweigh the pros?

Some fears we have that cloud our decisions