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Self-Care That Sticks

In this workshop, you’ll ditch the “I don’t have time” excuse and build a flexible, doable self-care plan that fits into your real life. Because taking care of yourself shouldn’t feel like another thing on your to-do list.

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Your emotions are not in control of you

When you are exhausted, every single emotions sits right under the surface. You have a full and overflowing emotional basement. If one child throws a tantrum, you throw an even bigger one. One kid spills some milk and you lose your head and scream. Overnight, you become an angry mom.

When you are lacking sleep your adrenaline is pumping which causes your body to be on high alert. You become hyper-vigilant. More so than normal. Quite simply, you’re not able to be a level-headed reasonable person when you are beyond the poing of exhaustion. It’s not your fault, it’s just how God made us.

By getting more rest, you have margins and you’re able to make decisions without letting your emotions take charge.

You become more self-disciplined

When you prioritize rest, day in and day out, you build up your self-control and self-discipline. This will particularly come in handy if some of the overwhelm and stress problems are due to a lack of self-control on your part. By focusing on getting more rest you’ll learn to let other things go and do what you need to do.

And the best part, every night that you get more sleep and feel better… the choice to go to bed early the next night becomes easier.

Read –> How moms can sleep more, better, and longer

If you are deep in overwhelm and need to brainstorm to Get Out then try this overcoming overwhelm packet. It’ll give you big changes quickly!

It helps you prioritize the things that matter

When you start to realize that you absolutely must sleep more or you will completely lose the plot, you start paring down the unnecessary. Is the playroom still dirty? Close the door. Do you have two seasons of Gilmore Girls left to watch before they release the big finale? It’ll keep.

There are books to read, people to call, dishes to put away, lunches to pack, etc. But if you can manage to do some of the urgent stuff during the day and forget about the extra, you begin seeing just how much you were doing that doesn’t matter. How much busy work or mindless tasks that created stress but produced no benefit.

Like sweeping.

Okay fine. Sweeping is important… if you have a baby who eats off the floor.

But in all seriousness, things that can be done during the day will leave more space at night to relax and then go to bed early.

Read –> 21-day go to bed early challenge

What Moms Need to Know in Case of Intruders

Weary To Well

This 10-day reset will help you uncover what’s wearing you down (spoiler: it’s not just lack of sleep), set boundaries without guilt, and finally create space to breathe again. Because burnout isn’t your personality—it’s a signal things need to change.

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I know may of you are thinking, “Yeah, Right, Whatever, I can’t sleep, I’m a mom.” But I want to tell you that you can. Even if it means you have to hire a maid or forget about cleaning for a short season. Or better yet, give these responsibilties to the kids.

How to get more sleep even if you think you can’t:

Go to bed early. Choose a time goal and, when it gets there, drop whatever you’re doing and just get in the bed. Get one of these and you’ll find it easier to fall asleep.
Don’t just get up because tiny ones wake at 5:30 am. You can teach kids to sleep later and babies or toddlers who are in their cribs can play quietly or sing to themselves for another 30 minutes if you don’t rush right in. Ask me how I know.
Beg someone to watch the kids so you can nap. Even a power nap can help you get back on track.
Hire help. If you can afford help for a few hours a week, get it. And then don’t be crazy like a chicken when they get there, just sleep.
Take daily naps. Sleep when your babies or toddlers sleep. If they don’t sleep a lot, put them in their cribs to play and doze off right beside them. You probably won’t even fall asleep, but will just rest your eyes, but every little it helps.
Take 48 hour mommy vacays. I talk about it all here. I know this is a luxury everyone doesn’t have, but if your husband is willing to watch the kids, go for it.
Prioritize it. As with anything, if you prioritize it, it begins to happen.

What To Do If You Lose Your Child in Public

It’s every mother’s nightmare to loose their child in public. And yet, it does happen. It’s best to prepare for this moment. Here are some important tips to remember:

Disney World.

The most magical place on earth. $17 grilled cheese, magical bathrooms, and electric light parade.

But… it was on our Epcot day that I got separated from the family.

In Spain.

I was busy wandering around and noticed I couldn’t find my mother or grandparents.

I walked a little bit longer, heart pumping even faster. Finally, I asked a few employees if they’d seen my mom. To my 7-year-old brain, their strong accents meant they didn’t even speak English. I had no clue what they said and started wondering if this “magical trip” was, in fact, not magical at all but just sucky.

I walked outside of Spain – adios cruel country – and turned the corner to see my grandparents. They were not even disturbed as they drank their $27 bottles of water. I ran to them and after being united with my mom started to feel a bit better.

It seemed like it lasted an eternity, but it probably wasn’t more than a few minutes in total.

This happens.

Kids wander.

Or they don’t follow the adults who wander.

Or they mistake another person for their parent.

Statistics show 90 percent of families will experience losing a child in a public place at least once, and 20 percent said it has happened more than once, but the good news is that a majority of those children are quickly found, like mine, and not harmed. source

Read These While You’re At It

Have you ever had a home intruder, or worried about home invasion? Here are some important safety and precaution tips for moms in case of an intruder.

How to Protect Your Children in an Active Shooter Situation

Roadside Emergencies… What Every Mom Needs to Know

I want to break this post into 3 parts:

How to prevent your child from getting lost in the first place and advanced precautions
What you should do if they get lost in public
What to teach your children to do if they get lost

Advanced Precaution & Prevention

Toddlers or preschoolers won’t be able to find you themselves if they are lost.

Here are some things you can do beforehand to prevent them getting lost, or make it very easy for someone else to return them to you. Do these things if you’re going somewhere you know is busy:

Sharpie your name and number on their forearm if you’re going somewhere very crowded.
Dress your child in bright colors or a noticeable hat.
For multiple children, assign each adult a particular child to watch after, like an adult-child buddy system.
Make sure your children know your full name and telephone number if they are old enough.
Teach your children to stay close to you, practice at home if they struggle with this.
Practice Red Light Green Light with the kids so you are confident they know how to “stop” on command. This helps if you need to stop or turn back and they are trying to go on ahead.
If they are carrying backpacks or purses, make sure their name and number is on the labels.
Take a photo as you enter the busy area so you have a picture of the exact outfit your child is wearing.
Give older kids a meeting place, say a big fountain or welcome center, in case you’re separated.
Teach children to stay within arm’s reach of you. As you are teaching this, be quick to put your arm out and remind them they must – at all times – be able to reach you in one movement.

Parenting in Hard Times

Parenting through a crisis feels heavy—but you don’t have to do it alone. This workshop gives you a clear plan to bring stability, emotional safety, and strength to your family when life gets shaky. Because in hard times, your kids need a steady, loving guide.

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Lost in Public

Despite our best intentions…our children can still get lost.

This is a terrifying thought, but one to consider beforehand to hopefully prevent it or, at best, make it a quick separation.

Try not to panic. Okay, as if, but this is what all experts suggest. Panicking without thinking through your first response may cause you to act unwisely and miss something obvious.
If you’re in a public establishment like an amusement park, mall, or airport, get in touch with security or the main office immediately. Find an employee or Google the number, but do this immediately. If you find your child in the next minute, they will not be upset you alerted them.
If you have a bad feeling or don’t feel that alerting the security in that locale is enough (if it’s a large place, for example) don’t be scared to call the police.
Stop for a moment, and calmly and slowly look around you.
Don’t be afraid to loudly call your child’s name. If, on the very off chance there is a predator, alerting him that you are near and looking will actually be a deterrent.
Try not to stray too far from where you lost your child unless you can leave another family member in your place while you search. Small children are not likely to have gone too far.

Family Practices & Contribution

Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

Taking care of your mental health shouldn’t feel like another chore. This workshop shows you how to build simple, sustainable routines that support your well-being and your kid’s emotional health—without the stress or overthinking.

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Teach Them Beforehand

Just as you have thought of some precautions to prevent your child from getting lost… don’t forget to teach them what they should do if lost.

Make sure your children know to call your full name, not “mommy” but Rachel Norman, for example.
Teach them to ask another lady with children, a mom. She’ll feel their plight urgently and will be a safer choice.
Also, if a child is too nervous to approach another mother, teach them to search out an employee in that area. Begin teaching them, in normal errands, to find out who the employees are so this becomes second nature.
Teach your kids how to ask for help. Just saying “ask for help” can be a nebulous concept for small children, even preschoolers, so teach them to say a phrase like, “I can’t find my mommy, can we call for help?”
Make sure your children know not to wander around searching for you, but to find a safe place right near where they lost you.
Practice the “what if” or “what would you do” game frequently (source). It will be hard at first, but in many scenarios practice asking your children what they would do if so-and-so happened. This will give you ample opportunity to teach your children how to respond in various scenarios.

I hope this never happens to you or your child and, thankfully, most of these situations end in a reunion in a short time. However, as always in the case of an emergency, better to be prepared than caught unawares.

This site is for informational purposes only. While I’ve worked hard to provide you with correct information, readers are using the information on this site at their own risk. Any reliance you place on such information is therefore strictly at your own risk. A Mother Far from Home will not compensate you in any way whatsoever if you ever happen to suffer a loss/inconvenience/damage because of/while making use of information in this blog. Please seek professional advice.

Getting Started Raising Rabbits with Kids (Part 1)

This is the first post in my series on raising rabbits with kids. We will go from having no rabbits yet (today’s post) to how/where to get them, caregiving basics, and how to involve the kids then eventually turn over their care to them. Post contains affiliate links.

Getting started raising rabbits with kids 101

Last week we decided to get rabbits for the kids.

Actually, I decided to get goats for the kids, but a kind friend involved with livestock in our area said… “Yes… umm… maybe you should start with rabbits.”

Rabbits.

Furry, quiet, and slow.

A match made in heaven for our already crazy town family.

So this month we’re asking the right questions, preparing, and gathering our equipment so next month we can get the bunnies. I wanted to do a series on bunnies with kids for anyone else looking for a pet their children can help take care of.

I repeat, this is a real time journey as we go and we don’t have bunnies yet. But here’s what we are doing now so we can get those furry lovies by next month.

Getting Started Raising Rabbits with Kids

In no particular order, here are the steps we’re taking now.

1. Get kid books on rabbits from the library

The whole reason I wanted to get rabbits is to help the children build responsibility and care for others. This is Phase One of my multi-step strategy to keep my kids from idleness that leads to arrest in their teenage years… Anyway, I wanted them to be interested and excited about the rabbits. The best way to do this is to build anticipation.

The books will teach them, at a level they can understand, the basics of care for rabbits including where to keep them and how to feed them. All the older kids (4, 3, and 2) were very interested in reading these books.

Storey’s Guide to Raising Rabbits, 4th Edition

Allowance Made Easy

Walk away with a simple, no-stress allowance plan that teaches your kids how to earn, save, spend, and give—without constant reminders or complicated systems.

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2. Get an adult book

I looked on Amazon and though we aren’t planning on raising rabbits for meat (which this book addresses) it is a very comprehensive and #1 bestselling guide to keeping rabbits. There’s a photo gallery with the different breeds, advice on care, and everything you would not have thought to think of.

3. Determine where you’ll keep and what you’ll use for housing

Space is not an issue for us so we decided we’ll get a relatively large rabbit hutch. We want to start with 2 rabbits, but wanted a hutch that had different levels and room for a few different elements. Depending on your backyard situation, find a location for the cage or hutch then find one that fits.

Storey’s guide suggests metal cages, but since we are going to consider our rabbits pet rabbits initially, and only think about showing the later, we wanted more than a small cage. Amazon has a million (slight exaggeration) options, but here are a smattering.

Hutch | Hutch | Habitat

What books, blogs, and articles have focused on in this regard is where you will keep the rabbit and the type of pests that are likely to bother the rabbits. This may be snakes, coyotes, or any number of animals if you are rural. If you’re in a suburb or urban area, there will be fewer predators, but you still may have to make security upgrades to certain cages so the doors or roofs can’t be opened by anyone but you.

4. Find a local provider for hay and food

I live in a rural area so we have a Tractor Supply near us that sells food for rabbits. Rabbit food includes a lot of hay, vegetables, some fruit, pellets, and salt blocks to give them something to chew on and help retain water. Again, you’ll have to decide for yourself exactly what type of diet or hay you’ll provide for your rabbits based on their breed, size, and age.

Family Practices & Contribution

No Nag Chore Routines

Getting kids to do chores shouldn’t be a daily battle. Let me help you build a simple, age-appropriate system that teaches independence, teamwork, and responsibility—without constant micromanaging. Because a well-run home isn’t about doing it all yourself.

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5. Gather supplies

We are currently moving into this phase. Next payday we’re purchasing our hutch, the other basic essentials such as feeders, beds, or chew toys. Since you can buy hay baled and wrapped, we’ll pick up a few of those as well so that we are completely ready the day we bring rabbits home.

6. Determine the type of rabbits available and choose

I don’t know jack about rabbits. In 4+ years I would like the kids to show them at local events, again building responsibility and confidence in trying new things, but right now I just want some furry animals to enjoy. We will speak with those in our area who keep rabbits and determine which are the most “friendly” and easy to care for with the least propensity towards illness. In my next post, we’ll talk about which we chose and why.

Read: Getting Started Raising Rabbits With Kids (Part 2)

How the Type A Woman Can Better Manage Her Frustrations

As part of my Type A Mom Series, today we’re talking about how to better manage our emotions. These are emotions related to type A frustrations. My post Type A Wives Married to Type B Men is still hugely popular. The struggle is real, ladies.

It ain’t easy being a woman.

Or a mom.

Okay fine, life is hard for everyone.

But if you’re Type A, life is That Much harder. It just is…

It is harder because, for Type A people, every problem should be fixed, every process should be efficient, and every person should be competent.

Ha ha ha ha ha

That’s right. That’s why life is hard. Because we think life should be easy and it isn’t and that gives us a migraine and an eye twitch. What can I say? We were born like this.

Where does the term Type A come from?

Originally coined by a cardiologist, the Type A label was given to people who were more likely to suffer a cardiac event. Namely, those who were more driven, prone to stress, highly competitive, and impatient (source).

Later in the 70’s a bestselling book was released called Type A Behavior and Your Heart, and it became a commonly used term.

This was a tad bit shocking to me – although not really – because it was the first time I’d heard personality type (not just our choices) linked to health.

Certain personalities are more likely to have the problems associated with stress because certain personalities are more prone to stress.

Confident + Take Charge and Strong + Deliberate moms, I’m looking at you.

How we can manage our neuroses Type A frustrations?

There are several things a Type A mother can do to manage her type A frustrations. It’s possible ladies… although it does take some foresight and practice.

#1. Learn to think first, talk later

This is nearly impossible for me. I think as I talk.

Ideas come as my mouth opens and I do my best thinking on my feet. However, in times of conflict or tension, the worst thing I can do is “let ‘er rip”.

What comes out is rarely gracious or kind, much less helpful to resolving a problem. We will experience a lot of regret and hurt others if we don’t learn to curb our tongues.

After 6 years of marriage, I’ve only now developed the self-control to go away, think, then speak my mind.

It caused me a lot of troubles early on (I’m married to a Type B man), but conversations are always more fruitful if you’ve thought a bit first. Your opinion might not change, but your delivery will.

#2. Let the intensity pass before acting

Only another Type A person can understand the intensity of emotion that comes upon us when things don’t go our way.

Traffic jams, betrayals. Responsibilities, or things that waste our time.

I could go on, but I’m really making us look bad here. Instead of flying high on your rage (letting Type A frustrations rule you) and whipping yourself into action, calm down first.

Pray, take a breather, and get some perspective.

The intense feelings – when they’re upon us – feel like they will never fizzle out. They seem like an outboard motor pushing the boat faster and faster.

And yet, they do fizzle. And if you haven’t waited before you’ve sprung into action you might find people wounded in your wake.

Read: 5 Reasons You’re An Angry Mom – And How To Manage

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.

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#3. Realize you’re “unbalanced” just as others are “unbalanced”

Type A people notoriously believe they are always right.

Even if they know it’s impossible to be right all the time, it’s hard for them to actually pinpoint a time when they were wrong. In their mind, it happens so infrequently.

It was good for me to realize that I am not balanced. I’m too prone to stress, overwhelm, and anxiety.

My standards and expectations are too high and that can prevent me from being a reasonable person.

Those around us who are Type B can often be viewed by Type A as lazy or unmotivated. It’s not their goal to always be the best, finish first, and win the prize so we can view them as lacking drive.

Watching others leads to quick and pointless type A frustrations….

It’s important we remember, however, that we are “too much” as we perhaps see them (in our minds) as “too little.”

Weary To Well

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#4. Exercise more

Some of the happiest times of my life were when I exercised every day. I didn’t put two and two together until doing the Dressing Your Truth course.

I was happier and more relaxed and I believe exercise was key.

Extroverted and high-strung personalities have an excess amount of internal energy and, without exercise, this can lead to pint up energy.

Sometimes they can even be found running around the house like a chicken with their head cut off finding things to do that don’t even need doing.

#5. Release your emotions often, preferably alone

One of the best things I’ve learned in the past few years is to get out my frustrations without taking them out on another person.

Whether it’s praying, screaming into a pillow, or crying, I find that by releasing my emotions alone I am less likely to railroad another person.

If I let my emotions build up they will explode on whoever happened to be near me at a bad time. I have learned that I can…

be more patient
learn to wait
give grace to others

It ain’t easy, but it is possible.

A recent book I’ve read is The Temperament God Gave You. It talks about the four temperaments and how they work.

Both in marriage and parenting, which I found very valuable. I believe many of my edges have softened after having read the book, and that’s saying a lot.

7 Ways to Raise a Foolish Child – According To The Bible

According to the Bible there are certain characteristics of a foolish person, here are 7 ways you can raise a foolish child according to scripture:

You might think I’m a fool for skipping the 75% off Lily Pulitzer sale.

I may think you’re a fool for liking Asian food. (Is a meal really a meal if there’s no cheese? #kiddingnotkidding)

You may think I’m a fool for paying with exact change at the cash register. (This actually makes people mad for some reason)

“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so sure of themselves and wiser people so full of doubt.” L. Wilson

In fact, being a “fool” according to scripture may be different than our modern day understanding of the word.

So what is a “foolish” child according to Scripture?

We shouldn’t define fool as matters of our own personality and preference- rather than that of scriptural integrity.

We could all define “fool” based on our own experiences and tolerances, but I want to give a clear guideline for us to follow. Since the Bible expressly tells us to avoid fools, we’d probably like to avoid raising them as well.

A fool:

Thinks they are always right and doesn’t accept counsel from others (Prov. 12:15)
Does not want to listen or learn, just to share his/her own opinion (Prov. 18:2)
Uses words to cause strife and stir up trouble (Prov. 18:6)
Reacts in rages or mockery instead of having civil conversation (Prov. 29:9)
Repeats mistakes and folly again and again (Prov. 26:11)
Frequently loses their temper and vents (Prov. 29:11)
Causes harm to those closest to him/her (Prov. 13:20)
Slanders and lies (Prov. 10:18)

At best, a fool is a selfish entitled person. At worst, a narcissistic.

A fool is not just someone we disagree with. They aren’t just someone who doesn’t seem very smart or intelligent.

In fact, fools are often very intelligent. No no. Foolishness has little to do with immaturity or childishness and all to do with a person’s bedrock character.

Read: The Difference Between Childishness and Foolishness

(Before you send hate mail telling me we shouldn’t judge… it’s true we cannot judge the inner workings of another’s heart.

However, we can judge actions that are foolish and destructive, and are commanded to do so. Read This Article if you’re wondering if “fool” is a swear word.)

Discipline with Dignity

Discipline shouldn’t feel like a battle or a shot in the dark. This workshop gives you a clear, balanced plan for setting boundaries that build respect and responsibility—without yelling, harsh punishments, or constant power struggles.

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7 Ways to Raise a Foolish Child

This isn’t written by a woman with grown children who are all saints, but from a mother of small children hoping to raise non-foolish adults. I think we all want the same thing.

1. Let a child who is wrong think they are right.

This isn’t about winning an argument or zero sum parenting. There are Battles Worth Fighting and those Not Worth It. Still, it’s good for your child to know they aren’t always right.

We moms are tempted not to correct our children because we don’t want to lower their self-esteem, when in fact, knowing the truth is empowering.

Self-esteem is grown not by thinking you are right, but by developing confidence in yourself and resilience. Resilience comes from facing challenges and rising again. If your kids think they are always right, they never “fall down.”

2. Not teaching your child to listen will raise a foolish child.

If you Google “how to listen” you’ll find there is a method. A way to do it. Advice abounds here because so many of us adults (myself included) don’t always listen well.

By allowing our children to ignore us, We Become Background Noise. If a child won’t listen to his parents or heed their advice he can become obstinate and unruly in later years.

This is not about control or dictatorial parenting, but being sure our children respond to us. After all, We Are Reasonable People. Through discipline (the whole process of training up a child) and consequences you can teach your child to listen from a young age.

Read: How to get your kid’s behavior back under control

3. Over-empathizing to the point you condone bad behavior will raise a foolish child.

Of course,We Should Encourage Children to Tell Us How They Really Feel. This can be done calmly and with respect, from both parent and child. However, empathy is a big buzz word in parenting these days that can be quite confusing.

Empathizing with a child’s feelings can lead to a sense of acceptance, safety, and belonging. Over-empathizing can lead to self-pity, Justification of Bad Behaviors, and Blame Shifting.

4. Not teaching them to manage their emotions

You Don’t Always Gave to Make Your Children Feel Better. If they are losing it and having a tantrum every time you say no, don’t let their moods affect the whole house.

In Making Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours, the author suggests letting them throw a tantrum. In their room with the door closed. Funnily enough, the tantrum doesn’t last as long this way.

While you should not squash their emotions,You Can Still Require a Good Respectful Attitude. You can teach them, day by week by year, how to calmly and rationally share their feelings and work towards a solution with you.

If they are used to screaming and throwing things to get their way, this does not go away as they age. It just changes forms to something less obvious.

Bye, Bye Backtalk

Backtalk isn’t just annoying—it’s draining, discouraging, and makes even the simplest requests feel like full-blown negotiations. This workshop will give you a step-by-step plan to stop the constant pushback and start building respectful, two-way communication with your kids. Because when you know how to hold boundaries and help your child feel heard, the fight fizzles—and connection takes its place.

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5. Interrupting cause and effect

If you don’t let your child experience the consequences of their negative actions, they don’t think their actions can have negative consequences.

Period. Hearing something a million times is not the same as learning a lesson.

We try to stop our children from feeling pain, disappointment, or discomfort So We Lecture. It is a wise parent indeed who allows their children to experience the effects of their choices.

To reap what they sow. All the while there offering support, guidance, and love.

6. Letting meanness go unchecked

Kids who are mean turn into teenagers who are mean, then grow into adults who are mean. I’m not talking about the occasional bout of sibling rivalry, but consistent mean and divisive behavior. You know what meanness looks like.

Allowing it to go unchecked in your home – or worse attributing it to youth and hoping they’ll “grow out of it” – will damage your other children, the home atmosphere, and will leave doors open for your child to become a bully.

7. Ignoring lies, deceit, and manipulation.

Now, lying is a developmental milestone. When children figure out they can say something other than reality, and possibly avoid consequences, they try it.

This doesn’t mean you’re raising a sociopath. However, it’s important to teach children the value of the truth, and to discipline wisely and effectively for lying.

There are tons of resources written by psychologists and child development experts that teach parents to wisely maneuver this subject. According to Scripture, a fool slanders and lies. We want to raise children who value honesty and integrity.

We want so much for our kids and try our hardest not to screw them up. But we probably will in one way or another. It’s just how it works. However, we can’t be so scared to make our children unhappy that we fail to do the hard work of parenting.

Remember, one choice is not indicative of an overall character. After all, children are still growing and learning.

Still, we mustn’t forget that an adult’s character is known by their consistent behavior.

I’m currently reading Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World. I believe many of my own foolish behaviors come from feelings of self-entitlement and this book is a great read. It’s easy, simple, and like a friend having a conversation. I really think this book could change the entire way you parent if you let it.

Roadside Emergencies… What Every Mom Needs to Know

This is the third installment in my In Case of Emergency series. The first post is What Every Mom Needs to Know in Case of an Intruder. The second is How to Protect Your Children in an Active Shooter Situation. Both have gone viral on either Pinterest or Facebook. I hope these posts are not fear mongering but helpful. Post contains affiliate links.

Note: This post does not cover what to do in a car crash as I feel that warrants an entire post unto itself.

What every mom needs to know in case of a roadside emergency with your kids present. This is helpful especially if you've had your car broken down on the side of the road and your kids with you.

Picture this.

Two college girls and a boy sweating under Florida heat in their Sunday best.

In the middle of a busy road.

Pushing an old white Chevy Blazer out of traffic into a parking lot.

You know…. a typical Sunday morning.

I can’t even remember what happened to the car itself or the final result, but as college kids we thought it was an adventure. Something to laugh over at lunch in Chili’s. Fast forward ten years. If my studmuffin minivan broke down in the middle of a busy road with my kids in it, I would not be laughing. No… no I would not.

For the third installment of my In Case of Emergency series for moms, I want to talk about how to handle roadside emergencies, particularly when there are kids with you in the car.

How to Handle a Roadside Emergency

1. Before you even leave the house

Consider joining a roadside assistance plan | The options may be limited depending on your geographic location, but even at one tow a year or a jump start for a dead battery and the plan may pay for itself. If you are a single mom or without a strong support system in your current location, this might be worth finding the money in your budget.

Get a simple and inexpensive emergency kit | You can buy these kits ready made on Amazon or assemble your own. These kits come with things like jumper cables, flashlight, a seatbelt cutter, air compressor, whistle, window breaking hammers, and first aid kits. (See below for examples) This is a handy thing to have in the car in case of your own emergency or that of someone else.

Know your warning lights | When I was a senior in high school I put a cute photograph over the area where warning lights show. I missed the light that said I had an oil leak. Twas all revealed when my engine started white smoking and I had to pay for a cracked engine block. Moral… keep your book handy and pay attention to warning lights.

Keep an extra cell phone charger | This may be the difference in getting help quick or not getting help (depending on how rural the area is). Buy an inexpensive or generic charger and keep it in your glove box.

Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

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Here are some basic things to keep in mind in case of a roadside emergency

2. Get off the road

If your engine starts to smoke, you get a flat tire, a child is having a medical emergency in the backseat, or you smell something funny, pull over to the nearest parking lot, shoulder, or emergency lane. Even if you have to drive on a destroyed tire or wheel well, this is very important (source).

If you are on a curve, try to coast as long as possible so your car isn’t positioned in a hard to see area.

If your car stops in a busy road and won’t move, do not get out (source). If it’s a high traffic area, it isn’t worth trying to wrangle your kids out and run through traffic. You’ll feel unnerved watching cars pile up and honk, but help will arrive soon precisely because you’re holding up traffic.

If your car is stuck on the road and you are in a relatively low traffic area, you may want to get the kids out of the car and go to a safer place. If it’s a road where cars typically drive 65+ mph and there are few cars, getting out may stop someone from plowing into you unnoticed.

Bring the car seat or stroller if you have babies or toddlers so they will be strapped in and unable to run towards the road.

3. Precautions to take once broken down

Call help or roadside assistance immediately if you know you’re unable to solve the issue yourself. Roll down the window on the driver’s side and put a piece of material or clothing in the window then roll it back up. This will act as a signal (a flag, if you will) you need help (source).

You can place warning lights or reflective markers (from an emergency kit below) around the vehicle to warn others to slow down.

If you’re safely off the road and waiting for help, keep the children at a comfortable temperature. Roll down the windows for warmer temps and give the kids their jackets or blankets to snuggle with in colder climes.

If a lot of people stop and mill around trying to help or waiting with you, you might want to lock your car door and keep the key in your pocket. This will keep the kids in and unknown people out.

What moms need to know in case of an intruder

Parenting in Hard Times

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4. Changing a flat tire

If you are a safe distance off the road, confident in your ability to change a flat, and have children who are safely in the car, old enough to stay away from the road at your instruction, or you’re with another responsible adult, change your own tire and get out of there.

Note, a State Trooper friend says one issue with changing the flat with the kids in it is movement. If they move around a lot the car can fall off the jack.

Obviously, this is dangerous. Depending on the weight of the car, how many kids you have, their ages, and your peace of mind, you may prefer to wait for help.

AAA kit | Top Gear kit | AAA premium kit

5. Accepting help from strangers

After talking with quite a few people, this comes down to personal preference. If you are in a familiar busy area, you may not mind accepting help from a stranger. In fact, you may consider it a godsend.

If you are in an unknown place with little to no support system and have a long wait until AAA arrives, you may prefer to tell the truth to those who stop.

You aren’t comfortable accepting help from strangers with kids around and someone will be there shortly. Honest people will understand this. My police officer friend said don’t be afraid to fib and say the police are on their way if you feel threatened in any way.

If you are uncomfortable accepting help from strangers and your car is off the road, stay in it with the doors locked. This is a safer place to explain to those who may offer help that it will be arriving soon. If you have more kids than arms, keeping everyone secure in the car is a good idea.

6. Stay with the car

While you might be tempted to truck off to the nearest Burger King and drink Diet Coke while waiting for help, staying as near to your car as possible is the best way. This way help will see both your car and you when they arrive and you won’t risk missing them. Away from harm but in sight of your car.

7. Don’t panic!

If you start to panic the kids will get scared and everyone will have contagious meltdowns. If you’ve called help, try to keep the kids calm. Explain what’s happening, sing songs, take a pool on how long it’ll take to get home or what the tow driver will look like. Don’t emotionally take on the honks, fingers, or ugly words from people who are inconvenienced by your inconveinence. After all…

“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.” Dan Rather

Here are other related posts in my In Case of Emergency series.

If you are in public with your children during an active shooter situation (what is referred to afterward as a mass shooting if there were many injuries and casualties) here is what experts suggest you do to increase the chances of survival for both you and your children.

How to protect your child in an active shooter situation

This site is for informational purposes only. While I’ve worked hard to provide you with correct information, readers are using the information on this site at their own risk. Any reliance you place on such information is therefore strictly at your own risk. A Mother Far from Home will not compensate you in any way whatsoever if you ever happen to suffer a loss/inconvenience/damage because of/while making use of information in this blog. Please seek professional advice.

How To Be Present Parent And Still Have Time For You

If you want to be a present parent who is connected to your kids, but still have time for yourself, this will help you be an attached present parent.

I used to play softball outside in my yard by myself.

That is, I would hit the ball as far as I could then run get it and start over.

The life of a lonely only, people.

I read books, played Barbies, went swimming, and did any number of things without feeling abandoned, neglected, or disconnected from my mother. And I don’t think she was rattled with guilt about the whole affair. It was what it was.

According to this article, parents today spend more time with their kids than any generation before. And yet… we live in a constant state of guilt if we are anything other than fully attentive towards our children.

This comes from the desire to connect with our kids. To have strong relationships. And to give them a sense of belonging and acceptance within our families.

All good things. But if we aren’t careful, we can let those things drive us into a state of false guilt and condemnation.

Read: The dangers of present but absent parenting

Can striving to be a “present parent” drive us insane?

By feeling like we’re never enough. That we don’t do enough, play enough, laugh enough, or talk enough with our kids. Even when we are spending ample time with them, we can let this false guilt make us feel like perpetual mom failures.
By raising kids who expect our undivided attention any time they want it. This creates entitled children and parents who never get a minute to take care of their own matters.

Read: Relationship Building Questions To Ask Kids (With Printable!)

So how can we practice present parenting in a healthy way?

Of course, our kids need our time and attention. Particularly if quality time or compliments are their love languages. And the good news is we can do it in a healthy way.

Listen to your kids

Sounds simple, and it is. But it’s often hard to put into practice. When the kids come up to you and ask a question, make eye contact. Give them a thoughtful answer.

Smile at them. If they engage you, engage back. You don’t always have to print some fancy printable conversation starter to talk with your kids. Listen to their questions and get to know them.

This doesn’t mean every time they ask you something (especially if it’s for the 506th time) you drop what you’re doing, but you let your kids know you are there for them. You are willing, nay eager, to talk with them. Feeling heard and understood goes a lot way towards feeling accepted.

Read: The Dangers of Rejection in Childhood

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

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Have daily traditions with your kids

By having certain standard activities each day that give children time and attention, you don’t always have to plan something grandiose.

Simple things like no screen mealtimes, reading before naps and bedtime, talking before bed, and asking questions at school pick-up demonstrate your love for your child.

Add in regular hugs, cuddles, and roughhousing and you’re already giving your child a lot of affirmation.

Related Reads:

Teach your children to wait

Sounds like the opposite of “present parenting”, but you don’t have to jump when they say jump. In fact, when you give your children a false sense of control over their own lives they become insecure, not more secure.

By teaching your child to “give you a minute” they learn patience, self-control, and trust. Trust is built when you follow through with what you’ve said.

Your child can wait until you finish talking with your spouse, unloading the dishwasher, or putting the baby to bed. Then, when you’re able, you can get eye level and refer to point #1.

Trust is built when you follow through with what you’ve said. Your child can wait until you finish talking with your spouse, unloading the dishwasher, or putting the baby to bed. Then, when you’re able, you can get eye level and refer to point #1.

Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

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Teach your children to use their imagination and play

Children who are used to playing alone regularly and using their imagination instead of being entertained are more content with their own company. They are less needy, whiney, and don’t create habits of acting out to get attention.

Couple that with a mom who already gives daily attention they can count on and you have an independent child who is confident in their parents’ love and affection.

The less a child is able to entertain themselves the more they are at your feet all day. The more they are at your feet all day the more you try to escape them. And the more you try to escape them the more guilty you feel and the worse your children behave in an effort to get attention. It’s the unhappy cycle at work.

Know Your Limits

One of the quickest ways towards the “I have to ignore my kids today or I will scream” phase is ignoring your need to be refreshed. Day after day of hyper-vigilance and night after night of night wakings, you are Past the Point.

When we are emotionally drained and overwhelmed we simply don’t have the capacity to give our kids the attention we’d like. This is why it’s important to find time for ourselves in everyday life as best we can. The more centered we are the more we have to give our kids.

The more empty we are, the more we resent our kid’s cries for attention.

Read: Mom Burnout — A Freeing Truth

Here Is What Kids Remember More Than Presents On Their Birthdays

Weary To Well

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Recognize what false guilt is

In fact, you are likely suffering from false guilt. False guilt is when you are innocent of something yet feel guilty about it.

You spent 4 hours with the kids, spent 12 fiddling with fondant for their minion birthday cake, then played tea party with your daughter and you go to bed wondering if it was enough. False guilt.

One of my most popular posts to date is The Dangers of Present but Absent Parenting. However, to be a proper present but absent parent you’ll have to create patterns of neglect that last years.

This is not a one-time “I have a lot to do today” type thing. If you work hard to be with your kids and do things for them and with them, you are nowhere near a present but absent parent.

It is necessary to spend quality time with your child.

It is important they know they are loved and cherished.

But it’s okay if your kids play outside alone.

Or if you sit down to read a book – have mercy – in the middle of the day.

You are a loving mother, but you are not everything to everyone at every minute. And that’s okay.

Tips for Taking Preschoolers on an “Educational” Trip

If you’ve ever had a wild hair to take your kids away and see some sights, I hope these tips will help. Preschoolers are enthusiastic sponges so don’t shy away from the trip because it seems like a hassle.

Since I didn’t send my 4-year-old to preschool, I thought hard about creating fun times.

My children now take turns lying on the couch, closing their eyes, and crossing their arms over their chest like an X. Then, whoever’s turn it is, says…

“I’m Pharoah and I’m going to sleep… kiss my head goodnight…”

Then when it’s time to “wake up” they run to me, give me a hug, and tell me how much they missed me while they were asleep.

I don’t even…

I mean…

This is what they got out of our trip to the King Tut exhibit.

Not the crazy gold chariot. The hard “couch” or the multitude of beaded necklaces. No… there was a mummy and that was all she wrote.

If we hadn’t been forced to hold hands throughout the exhibit due to their age, I’m not sure I could have pried them away from the mummy in the glass case. That was worth the 2-hour drive all by itself.

Why go on a trip?

Initially, I planned to take a 48-hour mommy vacay. Then I realized that taking my 3-year-old and 4-year-old away for the weekend would still be a break compared to wrangling all four kids. I heard there was a King Tut exhibit one state over two hours down the interstate so I locked in our trip.

I knew the kids wouldn’t remember every detail nor pick up on strictly factual information, but I believe in starting the kids traveling young. They’ll remember experiences, togetherness, and excitement long past the point of remembering the details.

Unless there’s a mummy involved…

Kids loved the King Tut exhibit except they kept calling him Pharoah and got fixated on the mummy. #kingtut

How to take your preschoolers on an “educational” trip

Build anticipation

Anticipation is one of the strongest ways you can get your kids to buy into something. You mention a little about your trip here. Plant a seed there. Watch a relevant YouTub video or read a book about your subject matter. Then when you tell the kids you’re going to go see it, they’re already excited.

This will cut back on the mother’s infamous “I know I did not plan this and spend all this money and you don’t even care” expectation.

Read: A No Nagging Morning Routine For School (With Printable)

Work out accommodation logistics if staying overnight

Because I wanted to stay two nights, our destination town had cheaper rates on weekends. Presumably, it’s full with business people during the week, so we chose Friday and Saturday nights for this purpose. I chose a hotel within walking distance from the museums we wanted to visit so I didn’t have to worry about parallel parking. Parallel parking doesn’t exist to me.

Also, know this: just because they stay up late doesn’t mean they’ll sleep late. They’ll probably wake up at the same time so only push bedtime back if you’re having a gay old time. Not in an effort to get a sleep in. We got a room with two queen beds and each child got to spend one night on my bed. We didn’t co-sleep so this was super fun for them. I didn’t sleep a wink, clearly, but it was nice to watch them wiggle in their sleep.

Prepare them for the subject matter

Similar to building anticipation, talk about what you’re going to do. We went to the King Tut exhibit as well as a Chocolate exhibit in the local IMAX Exploreum. I showed them pictures and repeated myself a million times so the kids would be prepared and excited with me.

If you’re going to a science museum, do science experiments. If you’re going to a zoo, read books about animals. Nothing crazy or stressful, but help give the children a framework for their future experience.

Include a lot of breaks

We took a nap both days! We planned a nice breakfast, one museum, lunch and nap, another museum, then dinner. It felt relaxed and we remained rested throughout the trip. Young children can hang tight for a while, but will need more rest than you do if you want them to remain content and well-behaved.

Find playgrounds amidst the educational

After we did the chocolate exhibit (and my daughter does remember chocolate comes from the cocoa tree, thankfully) we found a free play area within the Exploreum. The kind with lifesize games, toys, and educational interactive stations.

They enjoyed this immensely and was probably one of their favorite parts. Letting the kids run wild after having had to walk behind me quietly for a few hours was just what the doctor ordered.

Read: After School Routines For Kids That Prevents Meltdowns

Don’t get too worked up

Most importantly, don’t get too worked up about the whole business. If you get high strung the kids get nervous and it all becomes A Bit Too Much. There will still be the same amount of meltdowns as at home, maybe more.

They might find it hard to sleep, don’t want to eat due to the excitement, or they aren’t as impressed by the history as you are.

Oh well, they’re kids. They’re still learning.

We are no strangers to traveling long distances with kids (across continents many times, in fact) and I’ve written a book, Can the Kids Come Too?, for other moms who are beginners at traveling with their kids. It’s an in-depth guide to Family Travel with Young Children and I hope you enjoy it!

Out of the Box (and Awesome) Kid Gifts

Don’t want to buy just another talking toy, but want an awesome gift? Here are some thoughtful, useful, and high-quality kids’ gifts.

Out of the box gifts for kids they will love

I’m not so great at buying gifts. Unless a gift is special or significant somehow, I don’t think it’s worth it. We actually downsize toys here, not amass them, so when I’m shopping for a gift for my kids or someone else, I really do want it to be a useful or sentimental gift.

One of my dearest friends in Australia had the most interesting things and, because she is generous, would pass them down or around after her kids had grown out of them. My kids inherited many things I would never have considered buying (or even knew existed!) but for which I was so grateful.

Enough chitty-chat-chat, here are some useful, sentimental, or just plain cool kid gifts I’ve seen around or gotten myself that I recommend.

Read These While You’re At It

3 Days Of Christmas Giveaways

Want to buy nice presents, but worry about going into debt? Here are some ways to get people what they really want without overspending.

How To Buy Nice Christmas Gifts Without Going Into Debt

In Defense of Early Christmas Shoppers

1. Wooden toys

A few months ago I came upon the site Uncommon Goods and clicked around for a long time. They have a lot of interesting toys and useful (but pretty) practical things you can use throughout your day with kids. Below are the periodic table blocks, Hebrew alphabet blocks, and foreign language blocks.

2. Cool stuff for eating

These plates are fun and I’ve been itching to buy a few, but it’s hard with 4 kids who will all want the same plate. And I don’t want to buy 4 of the same plate. #4underproblems. Below is the construction plate and utensils, the Ms. Food Face Plate, and the Garden Plate and utensils. There’s a lot more cute stuff at Uncommon Goods and you can click here for Baby Gifts, Baby Shower Gifts, and Gifts for Kids.

3. Snail Mail

My daughter has been getting Hooray Mail for the past few months and loves it. It’s a nice surprise in the mail and a fun activity to do together. I think this would be a fun gift to give a friend and their child as well. It’s inexpensive and sweet! Katie also has an ebook called 11 Secrets to Connect With Your Kids While Doing Everyday Life as well.

4. Cute Night Lights

My kids absolutely loved this nightlight. I say loved in past tense because they loved it so much my husband has to fix it. They have a lot of cute shapes, are inexpensive, and light up in different colors on rotation. They are called Kinderglo night lights and here is a super cute photo gallery with kids and their night lights. I think these would be good for a toddler who has trouble calming down to go to sleep or is scared of the dark. If you are going to purchase one use my discount code (AMFFH2015) for 20% off!

5. Knowing My God Series Starter Set

I’m a big fan of purposeful reading, particularly as it relates to faith, morals, and manners. We have read these books quite a few times and they are good for babies and toddlers. I’d take a book over a onesie any day! You can find the Knowing My God Series here.

What is your go-to gift for babies, toddlers or preschoolers?

The #1 Thing That Messes Up A Good Routine (And How to Stop It)

Yes, there is one thing that will really mess up your routine. Read on to stop it in the tracks.

I was almost hyperventilating.

It was like a panic attack.

I sat down and felt so stressed I was This Close to having an ugly cry at 1 p.m. in the afternoon.

Why?

Because I got a letter from the toll agency saying I owed them $17 in fees. Oh, and it was an error. I even had one of those beepy receiver things. I knew I wouldn’t be charged, but the fact that I had to spend 10 minutes on the phone solving a problem pushed me over the edge.

I simply did not have time in my tightly scheduled day to do it. Or if I found the time, I had to leave out something else I’d been planning on. Which would push back work the push back dinner then push back bed.

FOR A TEN MINUTE PHONE CALL.

I was over the edge, ladies. I was hypervigilant and tired and had a meltdown over a $17 clerical error. I owe it all to my too crowded routine.

The biggest thing that messes up a good routine is lack of margin.

I’ve talked about Margin before, but this is another area the book broadly discusses. Our time and energy. When we are pushed to the limit, one small thing sets us off. Or it is – as the Italians say – the drop that overflows the bowl.

How do we have a routine that serves instead of stresses?

Create empty space

When creating a routine for your kids, don’t write it down to the minute. This is a recipe for disaster. Okay okay, maybe not a disaster. Some days your schedule will work, but often life will happen. When life happens you’ll feel thrown off kilter and get in a mood. An irritable and frustrated mood that will seep down to your kids.

Read: Rhythms, Routines & Schedules

Be conservative in your estimates

I am horrible at this. I estimate 20 minutes when I should do 30 or an hour when it’ll take 2. I do this to try and “fit it all in” but really I just get less done. Instead of scheduling 25 things, doing 17, then feeling unproductive, go the opposite. If you have space for 10 things, list 7, then use whatever time is left to rest. Take a power nap. Read with the kids.

Expect to be disrupted

When I was pregnant with my third I had hormonally induced anxiety. Well, that and I’d moved overseas, changed houses, had two babies, was pregnant again, and had started working from home. So… I had emotional overwhelm. When my counselor told me what my problem was, I immediately could see she was right. My issue?

I thought everything should be convenient and easy.

What a joke. I raise my eyebrows smugly to my younger self. The mere act of expecting disruptions makes them less stressful.

Think of life as a video

In my post for Type A wives married to Type B men, one of the biggest points was this: we need to see life like a video. If you take a snapshot in time you can find flaws. Issues. Dirty diapers. Messy dishes. A disastrous playroom. However, if you take a video of the day you see the highs as well. Clean diapers. Clean kitchen. Picked up playroom. Sleeping children. By focusing on “the moment” you feel behind.

Life’s a video, not a photograph. No one really has it all together.

Don’t push the limit

If you are a Confident + Take Charge or Strong + Deliberate mom then you likely aim too high and expect too much of yourself. If you are a Calm + Steady or Fun + Energetic mom, you probably expect too little. Either way, don’t push the limit of your self-control. People today are busier than they were decades ago. A lot busier. If you take a few things off your schedule – for yourself and your kids – you will still get the important things done.

The best way to avoid having a routine that strangles is to plan for upsets.

Create space in case something comes up.

Expect the unexpected.

I highly recommend the book Margin for those who struggle to fight their overwhelm. I bought an old copy and read it in the shower. 😉 It’s a good way to decompress and I’ve found freedom through the chapters. It exposes lies we believe and false guilt. A must read for frazzled moms. (affiliate link)

What To Do When Your Children’s Behavior Is Out Of Control

If your children’s behavior is out of control, these discipline strategies will help you to develop obedience in your toddlers and preschoolers.

Before someone says it for me… I’d like to paraphrase Beth Moore here.

“We aren’t in complete control of anything or anyone.”

Parents cannot make their children become anything. They are their own people with their own free will choices. And yet…

We are in control of the consequences, rewards, and discipline in our own home.

The other night I nearly died of self-inflicted shame. It was an unruly chain of events compounded by all 4 kids being up past bedtime, eating in an unfamiliar place, and in the midst of a lot of chatter.

My kids were whining and I was so embarrassed

We were at a wedding rehearsal dinner and, as we put the plates in front of our kids, they immediately began complaining/whining/reacting. Negatively and loudly.

Interestingly enough, it was a meal they normally love. There was too much parmesan. Not enough parmesan. Too many noodles. Not enough salad. I sat back – in a twilight zone moment – and wondered when the slip had begun.

I hadn’t become a short order cook.

We hadn’t changed our mealtime rules.

And yet, even accounting for their tiredness, their attitudes of ungratefulness simply did not and will not fly. Particularly when we were eating a very delicious dinner someone else prepared for us.

The slip had happened gradually, nearly without my noticing. But now that I noticed it, it was time to change.

Read: Siblings Fighting? 6 Simple Ways To Stop The Drama

Read: Time In Vs. Time Out … and is Time Out Damaging Kids?

Discipline with Dignity

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I had to get my children’s behavior under control

I sat back and mulled the situation over for a few days. I am putting my new strategy into effect this week, but first I wanted to share with you how I got off track, in case it helps you.

We gradually began responding to their complaints, whines, and mealtime meltdowns with too much empathy and not enough, “We don’t complain about meals others cook for us.”
I began repeating myself over and over and over again. Instead of letting my “no” be a “no” I kept using every situation as a teaching opportunity even though they already knew the lesson. Essentially, I lectured instead of just dealing with the issue.
We grew weary of requiring first-time obedience. Instead of making eye contact, asking for a “yes, mommy” and then having a consequence for disobedience, I waited around, hoped they’d comply, then did something about past the point for it to be effective.

Here’s how to get your toddlers and preschoolers behavior back under control

Admit you have a problem

This is often the hardest part, admitting we’ve let things go. But fear not, admitting things have gotten out of whack is freeing. You already know it deep down, so admitting there is a problem gives clarity.

Very quickly you see things without the rose colored glasses. In fact, I feel encouraged when this happens. I never was nor will ever be perfect, so I relish the opportunity to improve our home atmosphere. Particularly when I’m the reason it’s changed.

Read: 4 Year Old Behavior Problems – What To Do

Pinpoint the problem behaviors

Be as specific as possible. Is it tantrums when you ask them to do something? Refusal to do chores? Yelling, spitting, hitting, or kicking? Be very clear so you can find a good strategy going forward.

If you just say, “My kids don’t listen” you won’t know exactly how to combat this.

For me, the clincher was more times than not my kids sat down at the counter, saw their food, then immediately launched into a tirade because it wasn’t what they wanted. Additionally, they’d started getting up and down multiple times during the meal for imaginary reasons.

Read: Boundaries & Limits – Sanity For Mothers

Bye, Bye Backtalk

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Brainstorm plans of action

I need a plan so that I can create rules.

Clear rules so I can teach the kids the rules. I need the kids to know the rules so they will follow the rules. Kids respond to boundaries that are clear and fair.

Read: A Surprising Reason Your Kids Are Insecure

Create appropriate “rules” for the problem behaviors

Choose a different word if you like, but create some new guidelines. This is important because you want to be able to communicate the changes to your children.

By having a clear set of boundaries for your kids, you will now feel more confident and in charge as you tackle these discipline issues. Also, children will likely comply far more simply because they know exactly what you want.

I’ve told my kids, “You cannot complain or whine about a meal you neither paid for nor cooked. Period.”

In a normal voice, they are allowed to kindly share their thoughts, but if it enters into whining, meltdown, or meanness… no. Saying, “I don’t really like pickles” is different than, “Take my plate away (shoves plate), I hate pickles.“

Have clear consequences they expect

This is key. After you share the new guidelines, also share what happens if they do or don’t follow through.

It’s also how you can stop nagging and lecturing. If they do A, B happens. If they do B, C happens. If you are able to hold these consequences tight they will do the hard work for you.

Read: 32+ Consequences For Negative Behavior