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6 Bad Things That Happened When I Stopped Praising

Giving your children praise is beneficial for you and them. 6 things started happening when I stopped praising my kids, and I didn’t even realize at first.

It’s so important to praise our kids. We know this helps them feel connected to us!

Here is my story of what happened in our home when I let praising go for a season and why I won’t do it again.

Read: Why Modern Moms are Raising Victims (And How to Stop)

We all know it's great to praise our kids, but not praising has surprising results in the home and atmosphere.

“You are the best slider in the history of the world to have ever slidden down this slide. I just know it!“

“Everything about you is the cutest thing about any baby alive, you are so squishy I am going to eat you.”

These are the types of phrases that you would hear as a fly on the wall in my home. I am affectionate and extremely touchy-feely with my kids. I’m telling you, I pick them up and squeeze them and say the most ridiculous things all the time.

I’m not saying that’s effective praise, but it’s the overflow from my heart.

Praise is sometimes an overflow of the heart, but can come with practice

Because of that I used to think I was a natural at praising my children the right way. That my default was positive attention and affirmation.

And it was… until it wasn’t.

Somewhere along the way I got out of the habit of praising my children regularly. I can’t even say how long this lasted.

A few months maybe? In fact, I didn’t realize I had gotten out of the habit until my son went #2 on his little potty. As I took the potty out of the room to clean it, eyes wide open and searching, he asked…

“Are you proud of me, mommy? Did I do a good job?”

It hit me like a ton of bricks and I nearly started crying right there holding my precious child’s bodily fluids in a plastic container. I had neglected the habit of praising my children. Because, honestly, that’s what it is or it isn’t.

A habit we consciously continue.

What really happened I didn’t prioritize praise

I’m not saying these would happen to every mother, but they flat sure happened to me. And I hadn’t even realized they were happening until I looked back.

I stopped seeing the positive

When you are actively praising your children, you notice praiseworthy actions and reactions. When you stop, you stop. Instead of seeing the positive all day, I regularly saw the negative.

What they didn’t do, how long it took, how much time they wasted, or how they disobeyed my instructions.

Instead of seeing the kind, caring, and not yet mature children I’ve birthed and am raising, I started focusing on the negative behaviors that were doing my head in. It means the kids started to get on my nerves a lot and I felt ill at ease.

Basically…

I became more frazzled

If all day long you’re seeing the negative things your children do without appreciating and praising the positive things, you start to feel like a Major Mother Failure.

Obviously I need to quit blogging, ask someone else to raise the kids, and burn all my parenting books if the kids don’t do exactly what I say when I say all day long.

Read: Strategies for overwhelmed moms who want to escape life

Helpful Phrases are such an awesome tool they can change your day to day life. They’ll help stop tantrums, meltdowns, and disobedience. Check out our 100+ genius parenting phrases right here.

I became frazzled, discouraged, and frustrated since I was dwelling on the negative and not letting the positive offset and override those momentary struggles.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

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My tone changed with the kids

When you are praising your children your tone is naturally positive, upbeat and encouraging. It’s just the way it goes.

And, when your default is “praise” your general tone becomes more nurturing. Even if the children are acting crazy and it’s Witching Hour and Pre-Bedtime and everyone is Past the Point, you are in a calmer place.

When I started seeing the negative and was in constant “correction mode” my tone because more stern. Not angry, necessarily, but less warm. Less nurturing. Less caring.

I’m not saying we have to have perfectly chirpy voices all day, but it was grating (even to myself) to hear my own tone of voice.

They stopped expecting praise

I know they stopped expecting it as often because they started expecting rebukes. If someone did something by accident, they’d run and tell me that it was not on purpose so no one got in trouble.

They would run to me and say, “I’m sorry mommy, I didn’t mean to” as though I was going to be angry. Instead of having certain anger triggers, I felt myself becoming an angry mom.

Our connection suffered

Not that a child came up to me and said it in so many words, but I could tell.

Sure, individual time with the kids was still enjoyable, but my general demeanor seemed to be less happy.

Even playing on the floor with my son I’d be more irritable. Instead of appreciating and enjoying the time spent with them, it was as though I was looking for things to correct and problems to fix. This doesn’t make for enjoyable togetherness time.

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I lost the joy

Basically, parenting started to become a drag.

Instead of seeing motherhood the way I had been, as my greatest privilege and joy, it became a drudgery. Instead of feeling so privileged and happy to be able to stay home with them, watch them learn, and laugh the day away… I was focusing on the negative.

And it made me feel…well… negative.

Since I realized I’d gotten out of the habit of praising my kids, I’ve been working hard to praise them regularly again. The little things aren’t getting to me as much. There is more patience and positivity in our day. The home atmosphere is just better.

Because really…

It’s easy to see the good if you’re looking.

Is My Child Strong-Willed or Just Acting Naughty? Let’s Find Out!

Talking about strong-willed children is all the rage. Everyone thinks they are raising little leaders these days, and I can’t disagree. But even so I think it’s a good idea to clarify the concept.

After church one day back in Australia, I was chatting with a girlfriend. A girlfriend with a beautiful little blondie who was a handful and a half.

I’d had one of Those Weeks with my oldest daughter and confided my dreaded fear… that she was going to be a very strong-willed child.

I’ll never forget the look she gave me, bless her.

Australians, like the British, are generally too polite to be blunt (not an American problem).

Knowing my daughter, she kind of cocked her head to the side, raised her eyebrows, pursed her lips a little and said, “Hmm, I don’t know, do you really think so?”

She went on to describe her daughter’s behavior – same age as mine – and I immediately started to see her point.

Strong willed or defiant?

In fact, I began to wonder if my daughter was acting so defiant and out of character because it was a Wonder Week or if something else was going on under the surface.

After one week – probably less than – of firm boundaries, lots of quality time, and extreme consistency… she was back to normal. Still pushing the envelope, testing my resolve, and asserting her will, as all children do, but being amenable and easy to parent.

She is, in fact, not a typical strong-willed child.

She’s just a child with a will who tests the waters now and again to see where the boundaries lie.

All small children will assert their own will and buck authority on occasion. It’s how they learn who is in charge at home, how far they can go, and what their limitations are.

That doesn’t make them strong-willed, that makes them human.

While labels in themselves aren’t important, our expectations are. Truly strong-willed children will indeed be a handful.

They will require more consistency and firmness (though always with love) as a parent since they are not your average child.

Boundaries & Behavior

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Bye, Bye Backtalk

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However, I believe the danger lies here… when we label a child as strong-willed because of some behavior and then begin “hands off” parenting as a result.

We attribute their reactions and actions to their strong and unyielding personality instead of firming up, trying to get our children’s behavior back in control, and resetting an out of whack home atmosphere.

We begin allowing all sorts of behaviors we wouldn’t normally in the name of their strong will.

So how do I know if my child is really strong willed?

Here are some ways to differentiate. It can be tempting to think that your child’s behavior is due to bad parenting, but raising a strong willed child just requires a different parenting strategy.

Strong willed children are consistently persistent

Your strong-willed child won’t just be stubborn when refusing to do what you’ve asked.

They will be persistent in anything they want, positive or negative.

They will work hard, work fast, and try to bring about their wishes forcefully and with enthusiasm, sometimes even aggression.

If they aren’t very persistent yet will throw a huge tantrum in response to one of your boundaries, that doesn’t necessarily make them strong willed, just strongly opposed to your current wish.

Does your child have BIG EMOTIONS? Take my [thrive_2step id=’10555′]free series on[/thrive_2step] helping your child navigate big emotions with peace.

Strong willed children want a reason, not just to be contrary

All toddlers and preschoolers go through phases where they just don’t want to do what you ask. It’s called testing.

But a strong-willed child isn’t just defiant for the sake of being defiant, they have their reasons.

Don’t bother wasting your breath with “Because I said so” on these kids, they need to know your logic and rationale.

If you dig deeper and ask the right questions, you’ll usually find your strong-willed child has a reason they are resisting your instruction, even if it doesn’t seem important or logical to you.

On the other hand, sometimes children just don’t want to do what we’ve asked because they don’t feel like doing what we’ve asked.

That’s called being human. And being contrary.

Read: What’s Really Happening When Your Kids Are Defiant

Boundaries & Behavior

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Discipline with Dignity

Discipline shouldn’t feel like a battle or a shot in the dark. This workshop gives you a clear, balanced plan for setting boundaries that build respect and responsibility—without yelling, harsh punishments, or constant power struggles.

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They are fast… across the board

Strong-willed children are fast at many things (source). They often walk early, talk fast, and try to spur things along quickly.

However, if you ask them to do something they don’t want to do they can drag their feet for a million years. When it suits them, they are quick and speedy.

When it doesn’t, they don’t care.

If your child is slow, passive, and easy going, but with a strong reaction to certain things they dislike, they probably aren’t strong-willed, just human.

All children need limits, strong-willed children demand them

Some children are more flexible, relaxed, and go with the flow. You won’t have to maintain a strict routine with them and can be a lot more spontaneous.

Strong-willed children are usually not like this. They will assert their own will and desires so strongly that you are forced to create boundaries and keep them.

All children need clear limits and boundaries (lack thereof causes insecurity), but to have a peaceful and harmonious home with strong-willed children, you’ll have to step up your own game.

Read: Strong Willed Children And Boundaries… Oh My!

A strong will can be created and then enforced by your choices

It’s important we remind ourselves, even though it’s hard, that many of our children’s behaviors are directly related to our own.

If we don’t keep consistent rules, boundaries, and show regular affection to our kids they will act out. And it won’t be positive.

A strong will is part of the personality and temperament.

It doesn’t just rear its head when they are unhappy.

But on the bright side… a strong will is 100% more desirable than a defiant attitude.

Why I Let My Kids Get As Dirty As They Want

For Type A moms, we can often want our kids to be clean and tidy. To have everything lined up nicely and never make a mess. But I don’t subscribe to that (though I do love to keep a tidy house) and here’s why. Post contains affiliate links.

You might think that because I talk a lot about routine, the importance of sleep, making sure my kids mind me, and keeping a tidy home that I’m crazy about keeping the kids clean. But that isn’t the case.

I let the kids get as dirty as they want.

As often as they want.

And it doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

My family gives me The Side Eye because I don’t tell them to stay out of puddles, the mud, or to stop playing in dirt. I am not sure why, but from early on I decided I like when the kids get dirty and the only thing I do to monitor this is not let them dress in anything too precious during play time.

Why we should let our kids get as dirty as they want

1. It’s fun

There is something very satisfying about doing something that seems somehow… wrong. It seems like things should always be clean, neat, and tidy. But why? The kids laugh, yell, and squeal with such pleasure while getting into a big mess that I know they must think they are – somehow – getting away with something.

And what child doesn’t like to get away with something?

Why playing outside in the dirt and mud is great for women!

2. Sensory satisfaction

Young children need a lot of sensory input. This is why playing with water, swimming, dirt, and mud can entertain children for hours. When I sit down to play with them, I get sucked in too! The kids have outside play together on most days, and they get so engrossed it usually only takes a trip to the potty or need for a snack to bring them back in.

Even my baby loves to sit and splash in the puddles, eat dirt (ahem), or chew on acorns. I will often sit with the kids and draw in the sand. It’s amazing how many minutes go by while in a sand daze. I guess it’s like adult coloring. And we all know that’s the rage right now.

Connection & Culture

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3. It’s not permanent

I think one of the reasons people don’t let their children get filthy is because of the fear of ruining clothes. Luckily, this day in age with a good laundry system, an effective method for removing stains, and a washing machine, you can pretty much get most stains out.

If it’s not permanent, it doesn’t hurt anybody, and it’s fun, then why not? And even then, I have some clothes that are perfect for outside play because they were inexpensive and not precious. Stains, rips, or tears won’t really matter nor will I feel compelled to chase them asking them to stop wallering.

4. Kids love it

One way to draw the kids outside if they’d rather be inside is to tempt them with the garden or the sand pit. Every time they go out they put on their rain boots by the front door, and then take off running. Whether they are moving around the dirt in the garden bed, picking flowers, or just running, they end up dirty. Particularly in the summer. If your kids don’t like playing outside then look at these tips for outside play with small ones.

5. Why not?

This spring I’ve been trying to let the kids do things I might have said no to in the past. Like getting all filthy. Or in the summer, swimming with our clothes on just because we were hot. Or even letting the kids swim naked. Because… why not? Who cares! Whether they are playing sports, doing outside work, or just playing around, part of being outside and alive is getting dirty.

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Tech on Your Terms

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6. It’s better than screen time all the time

If your kids are super into screentime and you find it hard to set limits for them, shoving them outside and letting them run wild is key. All kids love a good cartoon or two, but no one remembers hours logged in front of the television. We remember playing games outside, chasing siblings, and the satisfied feeling of physical tiredness after physical play. Try putting outside play time before screen time to get your kids more into it.

What do your kids love to do outside?

I partnered with Maytag to do this post.

Moms, Sometimes Doing The “Right” Thing Is Wrong

If you are feeling the mommy guilt, here is one phrase you need to tell yourself. And, after you do that, just know that if something isn’t working, you don’t have to keep doing it. Post contains affiliate links.

Do you find you are getting discouraged trying to do what all the parenting "experts" suggest? Great read for moms of babies, toddlers, and preschoolers.

“Put the baby to bed in her own crib in her room,” everyone said. Start out how you can hold out.

To be honest, that sounded good to me. I need my sleep and wanted the baby to learn to sleep well. So, after a respectable time period of 4 days of age, she went into her nursery to sleep. Just two doors down from us.

Later that night, as if by the miracle of parent’s intuition, both my husband and myself jerked upright in bed. We heard this coughing choking gagging noise from her room. We jumped up and ran in there like crazed zombies and there was my firstborn in her crib, clearly struggling to breathe, and turning a funny color.

I grabbed her, held her upright and burped her as hard as I could without crushing her tiny little back. I felt the panic only a 4-day old mother could. Very quickly she swallowed the mucus (says the midwife) that was obstructing her breathing and she went back to sleep. I swear I nearly died of shock that night. My husband and I still give each other The Look when it comes up.

About 3 Mississippis after she started breathing again, I immediately decided she was sleeping in the same room as me and that was that and I didn’t give a hoot what anyone else said was right.

The right thing for us was that she was close and I could touch her stomach approximately 1,456 times per night to be sure she was breathing. Oh, and close enough I could nurse her and put her back in her crib without being wide enough awake to go for a midnight jog.

And I’ve done that with every single child ever since. Each one staying in our room longer than the one before. And this even when they’re sleeping through the night without waking.

Because… I Don’t Give A Rip what the “right” thing to do is. I care about what works for us and keeps my sanity.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

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Motherhood winds us up, makes us high strung, and convinces us that there is somehow One Right Way to do things. We worry if we don’t jump on that bandwagon it’s gonna ride off and we’ll be left raising our kids in the ditch.

We have access to 25,565,366 million opinions from mothers, experts, bloggers, and talkative women at Wal-Mart so we file it all away in order to access it during times of crisis. We want to do everything right and we want to look put together doing it.

And that’s all fine and well and good.

Until it isn’t.

Until we get so caught up in Streams of Thinking and Ways of Doing Things and we worry until we can’t make heads or tails of what we’re doing and why we’re doing it. We can’t just forget about what anyone else thinks and figure out if what we are doing is okay with us. Right for our family. Or, basically, if it’s even working.

We forget there actually is a way to see if we are making good choices.

You know you’re making good choices if what you are doing bears good fruit. It’s that simple. Now, I’m not saying to give up after one go, but if you’ve been consistently doing something for a while and you don’t like how things are going… you can stop.

Mama, if you are feeling like your home is all out of whack and you are completely overwhelmed and can’t tell if anything you are doing is working… I’ve got something to tell you.

If it isn’t working… you don’t have to keep doing it.

You don’t have to keep breastfeeding if you’re up pumping 15 times a day plus before and after every feed and your baby isn’t gaining weight and you are so exhausted you want to Eat Pie and Die.

You don’t have to keep nursing on demand if your baby wants to feed every 25 minutes and will never sleep except in your lap and you never have time to eat or shower.

You don’t have to keep nursing on a schedule if you are losing milk and going nuts and the baby is starving.

You don’t have to stop saying “no” to your kids until you’re barely able to string a sentence together since you’re so busy trying to find a positive way to put a spin on not hitting sissy with a broom handle.

You don’t have to keep co-sleeping if no one is actually sleeping and your husband has moved into the living room.

Or, you don’t have to keep putting the baby to bed in his crib if you’d prefer him in the bed with you and stuff what anyone else says, just do what helps the baby sleep.

Read These While You’re At It

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Car Tips for Moms

Mama, sometimes when you do what’s “right” it’s wrong.

You don’t have to keep making baby food from scratch if it makes you super stressed when you can get organic baby food at the store and feel like a new person.

You don’t have to do purees or baby led weaning or anything else, you can feed your baby how and what you want.

You don’t have to keep finding “natural consequences” for bad behavior when all it does is make you run around in circles googling what on earth a “natural consequence” is for all the crazy things your toddler does.

If you are deep in overwhelm and need to brainstorm to Get Out then try this overcoming overwhelm packet. It’ll give you big changes quickly!

You don’t have to keep spanking if it just makes your child more angry, defiant, and doesn’t fix things.

You don’t have to avoid timeout if it’s easier for you and the kids respond to it. Or conversely, you don’t have to keep doing timeout if it changes nothing.

You don’t have to require your kids to eat one bite of everything on the plate (or finish the plate) if it makes mealtimes utterly horrible for everyone. You can give them two choices: take it or leave it.

Boundaries & Behavior

Loving Authority

Being in charge doesn’t mean being harsh or heavy-handed—it means being steady, clear, and confident. This workshop will help you understand what healthy authority really looks like. When you know how to show up as a secure, grounded leader, your kids feel safe, and everyone starts listening.

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Just because you want it to work doesn’t necessarily make it work

You don’t have to keep aiming for a stricter routine if it makes you crazy and the kids are fine with the minimum of predictabilities.

You also don’t have to avoid doing a routine and follow the baby’s lead if you need more structure. You, after all, are the mom.

You don’t have to keep a reward sticker chart that everyone ignores but you.

You don’t have to keep baby wearing if it hurts your back or you’re an introvert and Need Some Space. Or, you can babywear until your kid goes to Kindergarten if it floats your boat.

You don’t have to give baths before bed if it is a manic crazy time. You can give a bath in the morning or before lunch or after nap or whenever you want.

You don’t have to buy your babies designer clothes they will only spit up on and wear twice before growing out of, they can wear white Carter onesies because No One Cares.

The fact is… just because something is right for others doesn’t make it right for you.

If what you’re doing isn’t working, it’s okay to do something else.

Even if that something else isn’t something you have wanted to try before.

We may have similar goals, but we don’t have to get there the same way.

Sometimes You Just Gotta Wait Them Out…

Some kids are just more emotional than others. Sometimes kids don’t need you to make them feel better… sometimes you just gotta wait them out.

Does your toddler or preschooler have a strong will? Do they dig their heels in and throw tantrums that are hard to handle? Here's a great behavior post for mothers of little ones.

The day started like any other…

It was time for us to do some chores. Fold some towels. Put away our clothes from the laundry room. Two of the kids were cooperating, and one was stalling, whining, and distracting everyone else. Wailing, crying, gnashing of teeth.

I put my son in his room (with the door open) and said that when he finished folding his towels and putting away his clothes (in a laundry basket like this video shows) he could come out. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t mean. I wasn’t “punishing” him, I just needed him to do his chores.

The other two kids folded their towels. My 4-year-old folded the bath towels and my 2-year-old folded dish and hand towels. We put away clothes, and they were off playing quietly together.

My other son sat in the doorway of his room and pitched a fit.

“It’ll take too long…”

“It’s too hard…”

“I don’t know how…”

Except it only takes 3 minutes, it isn’t that hard, and he’s known how to do it for over a year.

For 30 minutes he went on and on with every excuse under the sun and more and flailing and imaginary woundings and injuries. I was genuinely impressed with his creative ability to distract himself from the task at hand. In fact, he figured out how to make an airplane out of ones like these at one point.

Then… all of a sudden… he worked hard for 5 minutes. He perfectly folded the towels. He put away all his clothes in their appropriate drawers, and even gave his room a quick tidy. He came out happily, I greeted him happily, and he even volunteered to help me do more chores right then and there.

I’m not even kidding.

Sometimes you just gotta wait ’em out…

But when should we and when shouldn’t we wait them out? Well, it’ll depend on the child, the situation, and whether we’re just trying to “win” or whether it’s truly an important lesson.

Is this about winning?

Certain personalities (ahem, mine) like to be right. Confident + Take Charge and Strong + Deliberate mamas, I’m talking to you. This isn’t always bad because we fight for what we believe, but it can be a problem in parenting if we’re always trying to “win” a situation.

Sometimes we just gotta wait out our kids, but if we can tell it’s gotten personal… we should stop and re-evaluate. If we are healthily detached from the situation and just want our children to learn an important and valuable lesson, good. If we just want to show them we are more stubborn and can hold out longer… not as good.

Boundaries & Behavior

Loving Authority

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Is it an ongoing no-good-very-bad behavior?

If your child is consistently disobeying you and doing something inappropriate, dangerous, or just plain old mean… you may have to persevere with your consequences and wait them out. If you haven’t been consistent previously they won’t take kindly to losing a freedom.

But if you know, deep down, they are doing (or not doing) something that is truly important, you may just have to dig your heels in and be consistent until both you and your child have a breakthrough. Being consistent and waiting out your child in a particular area is not against them, it’s for them.

You’re not being mean, you’re being consistent.

Do you know they are testing the boundaries?

I have two children who will only stall and throw a fit for an obvious cause. When they see reason, they stop and move on. I have another who will always find a reason not to do what I’ve asked. There is frequently an answer, cry, or whine in response to a request. While I’m tempted to give in and allow many shortcuts with him – I dislike conflict in the home during our days – I know that will not serve him in his future.

He has the potential to be a strong, passionate man in our world, and because of that, I want him to have certain character attributes, the ability to work hard being one of them. He continually tests whether we will enforce our family rules and, in most cases, we do.

If they are testing you, pass it.

Is it clearly behavioral?

There’s a difference in a tantrum and a meltdown. A tantrum is usually thrown for a purpose. For example, to not have to do something. Or to get something. Or to go somewhere. A meltdown, on the other hand, is a symptom of emotional overload. There’s nothing you can give or do that’ll make it go away immediately. That’s how you know it’s more than just a reaction to something they don’t like.

We’ll handle tantrums and meltdowns differently because a meltdown is not “bad behavior.” It’s a very strong emotional response. A tantrum is a child’s way of getting something. In this case, we may have to wait them out. Actually, you may need to wait out a meltdown too. Stepping in all the time while our children are mid-emotional-explosion-response is not only not helpful, it interrupts the whole process.

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If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

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Is it just a different tack?

Many positive parenting advocates and mothers are anti-timeout. Instead of separating or isolating a person they are in favor of talking it out, hugging it out, and getting to the root of the matter at hand. These things are excellent. But, if you find yourself constantly talking about the same things over and over or frequently having “sit down talks” that don’t change anything but quickly turn into ineffective lectures, maybe you can try a different tack.

You don’t always have to make your child feel better. It’s okay if you don’t immediately stop what you’re doing to try and diffuse a whining tantrum. In fact, doing something different may just get your child’s attention.

My former colleague told it like this.

His son had done something very mean-spirited and hurtful to his sibling. They had a talk, gave a consequence, and asked him to apologize.

He refused.

He refused to apologize and said he would not do it. Even though he’d clearly done something wrong with no provocation. They told him to sit on the stairs until he could say sorry.

Minutes turned to hours. Morning turned into afternoon. They even had to call in someone to watch their child because they decided, he’d lose the privilege to go out with them unless he’d apologized. Sometimes you just give in, but he said they just knew, deep down, this was one of those moments they had to stick it out.

Finally, before bedtime, it happened. They sat down and asked him, “Honey, are you sorry?” He looked at them in the eyes and gave a genuine head nod. He acknowledged his wrong, they all had a family bonding moment, and life went on. In fact, their bond strengthened.

Sometimes… every so often… you just gotta wait ’em out…

How to Cook with Preschoolers and Not Regret It

We all want to get our kids in the kitchen and teach them to cook, but it can be super stressful to have your preschoolers and toddlers underfoot. Here’s how you can let them help you and learn to cook without regretting it.

Want to teach your toddler and preschoolers to cook, but get discouraged at the stress and mess of it all? Here are some tips to help you teach the without the chaos.

I started out so enthusiastic.

The kids and I were going to organize our oatmeal packs to freeze. I do this regularly instead of buying individually packed oatmeal which is like a bazillion more dollars per oat. One child wanted to put the oats in the bag, the other the chocolate chips in the bag, and the other a bit of sugar and raisins.

I nearly died of an anxiety attack approximately 12 minutes into the process and I think they ended up watching cartoons with me laying on the counter, cucumbers covering my eyes.

Okay, slight exaggeration, but you see what I mean. I truly desire to teach all of my kids to cook (boys and girls), but in the day to day, it can just be stressful. I still don’t have it all worked out down to an art, but I’ve figured out how to make it work better for us.

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How to Teach Preschoolers to Cook The Easy Way

Here’s to working ourselves out of kitchen duties!

Choose easy recipes or meals

Don’t try to make a souffle with your preschooler first go. Until they are comfortable pouring, stirring, and moving around things that can spill, don’t get too complicated. If you know you’re cooking something that is a bit more high stress (like flaming fajitas, say) just don’t involve them.

We often choose breakfast type recipes to do together since they seem easier than dinner ones. At least, the recipes we use. The pictures here show us making quinoa egg breakfast muffins which was very child-friendly.

Prep beforehand where possible

Of course, we want to teach our kids to measure, chop, and prep food. However, if you have quite a few ingredients that require a lot of manhandling, try to get the things together beforehand. Maybe measure out the sugar, flour, or water so they can mix, stir, and combine without having to dig into a big container and then spill it everywhere and make you cry.

Don’t do it when they’re starving

This was a big one for me. I was like “why can’t you stop eating all the ingredients and just mix it?” Ugh, because it’s mealtime and they are hungry. Duh. A good time to involve the preschoolers in the kitchen is mid-morning or mid-afternoon when they’ve had a snack. You can prep dinner ahead of time or just cook something special like a treat or dessert.

Try not to flip out

This is a big one. If you are Type A like I am, and I’m sure you are glad you aren’t, a big huge mess and lots of cleanup gives us heartburn. But, having a lot of kids has cured part of my Type A so I am better able to handle it now. I just remember they are small. They are learning. It’s fun to spill things and mix things and eat ingredients and just be in the kitchen with mom.

When I get a bit stressed, I just give the massive cuddles and remember it’s going to make them smarter. And, hopefully, that these hours in the kitchen will reward me well when they’re teenagers and I’m reading a book while they slave away in the kitchen.

One Habit That Decreases Stress More Than Any Other

There are many ways to relieve stress. Many methods, habits, and tips that will help get you out of survival mode into thriving. But there is one that will help you be less stressed, regardless of whether your circumstances change or not.

Do you feel stressed and overwhelmed? Here is one habit change that can make you feel less stressed than any other!

With 2 of my 5 pregnancies, I absolutely lost my marbles.

Yes, I say 5 because I am, surprisingly, pregnant again. For anyone else who studied Liberal Arts out there like I did, 99% does not mean 100%.

Anyway, I lost my marbles and thought I would never recover. My first pregnancy was a piece of cake. My second one as well. By my third pregnancy I had two toddlers and was working from home for a finance organization. My working hours were 1:00 pm to 3:30 pm. This meant I could not take as much as a catnap when I had to work. Which was Monday to Friday.

Since we didn’t have family nearby and I’m not good at asking for help, I became more exhausted than I can even describe. I’d get headaches, the shakes, my entire face would start to swell, and I’d get panic attacks.

This pregnancy, none of that. Even though I have 4 kids ages 4 and under, I have not become hyper stressed. I have not experienced extreme hormone surges, nor have I become so exhausted I sob and sob and sob. The difference?

I have been sleeping more. A lot more. I average at least 9 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period.

I am not joking.

I am very serious.

And this with 4 kids 4 years and under.

Without a doubt, the number one thing you need to do during seasons of high stress and overwhelm is to get more rest.

Why Rest Changes Your Life

That is a huge statement, but it’s true. Getting enough rest will make a huge difference in many areas of your life.

You are better prepared to cope with life

If you are exhausted then your brain doesn’t work properly. There are so many bajillions of studies that show highly successful people have healthy amounts of rest. You are less focused, more distracted, and higher strung when your body does not get the amount of sleep it needs. Period.

You cannot control all of your circumstances and sometimes we find ourselves in bad situations that are not of our making. It is particularly important in these seasons, when there is little else we can control, that we take hold of our sleeping habits. Even if you have to go see someone to help you sleep better, it is a must.

Read –> How to be a calm mom

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Your emotions are not in control of you

When you are exhausted, every single emotions sits right under the surface. You have a full and overflowing emotional basement. If one child throws a tantrum, you throw an even bigger one. One kid spills some milk and you lose your head and scream. Overnight, you become an angry mom.

When you are lacking sleep your adrenaline is pumping which causes your body to be on high alert. You become hyper-vigilant. More so than normal. Quite simply, you’re not able to be a level-headed reasonable person when you are beyond the poing of exhaustion. It’s not your fault, it’s just how God made us.

By getting more rest, you have margins and you’re able to make decisions without letting your emotions take charge.

You become more self-disciplined

When you prioritize rest, day in and day out, you build up your self-control and self-discipline. This will particularly come in handy if some of the overwhelm and stress problems are due to a lack of self-control on your part. By focusing on getting more rest you’ll learn to let other things go and do what you need to do.

And the best part, every night that you get more sleep and feel better… the choice to go to bed early the next night becomes easier.

Read –> How moms can sleep more, better, and longer

If you are deep in overwhelm and need to brainstorm to Get Out then try this overcoming overwhelm packet. It’ll give you big changes quickly!

It helps you prioritize the things that matter

When you start to realize that you absolutely must sleep more or you will completely lose the plot, you start paring down the unnecessary. Is the playroom still dirty? Close the door. Do you have two seasons of Gilmore Girls left to watch before they release the big finale? It’ll keep.

There are books to read, people to call, dishes to put away, lunches to pack, etc. But if you can manage to do some of the urgent stuff during the day and forget about the extra, you begin seeing just how much you were doing that doesn’t matter. How much busy work or mindless tasks that created stress but produced no benefit.

Like sweeping.

Okay fine. Sweeping is important… if you have a baby who eats off the floor.

But in all seriousness, things that can be done during the day will leave more space at night to relax and then go to bed early.

Read –> 21-day go to bed early challenge

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I know may of you are thinking, “Yeah, Right, Whatever, I can’t sleep, I’m a mom.” But I want to tell you that you can. Even if it means you have to hire a maid or forget about cleaning for a short season. Or better yet, give these responsibilties to the kids.

How to get more sleep even if you think you can’t:

Go to bed early. Choose a time goal and, when it gets there, drop whatever you’re doing and just get in the bed. Get one of these and you’ll find it easier to fall asleep.
Don’t just get up because tiny ones wake at 5:30 am. You can teach kids to sleep later and babies or toddlers who are in their cribs can play quietly or sing to themselves for another 30 minutes if you don’t rush right in. Ask me how I know.
Beg someone to watch the kids so you can nap. Even a power nap can help you get back on track.
Hire help. If you can afford help for a few hours a week, get it. And then don’t be crazy like a chicken when they get there, just sleep.
Take daily naps. Sleep when your babies or toddlers sleep. If they don’t sleep a lot, put them in their cribs to play and doze off right beside them. You probably won’t even fall asleep, but will just rest your eyes, but every little it helps.
Take 48 hour mommy vacays. I talk about it all here. I know this is a luxury everyone doesn’t have, but if your husband is willing to watch the kids, go for it.
Prioritize it. As with anything, if you prioritize it, it begins to happen.

What To Do If You Lose Your Child in Public

It’s every mother’s nightmare to loose their child in public. And yet, it does happen. It’s best to prepare for this moment. Here are some important tips to remember:

Disney World.

The most magical place on earth. $17 grilled cheese, magical bathrooms, and electric light parade.

But… it was on our Epcot day that I got separated from the family.

In Spain.

I was busy wandering around and noticed I couldn’t find my mother or grandparents.

I walked a little bit longer, heart pumping even faster. Finally, I asked a few employees if they’d seen my mom. To my 7-year-old brain, their strong accents meant they didn’t even speak English. I had no clue what they said and started wondering if this “magical trip” was, in fact, not magical at all but just sucky.

I walked outside of Spain – adios cruel country – and turned the corner to see my grandparents. They were not even disturbed as they drank their $27 bottles of water. I ran to them and after being united with my mom started to feel a bit better.

It seemed like it lasted an eternity, but it probably wasn’t more than a few minutes in total.

This happens.

Kids wander.

Or they don’t follow the adults who wander.

Or they mistake another person for their parent.

Statistics show 90 percent of families will experience losing a child in a public place at least once, and 20 percent said it has happened more than once, but the good news is that a majority of those children are quickly found, like mine, and not harmed. source

Read These While You’re At It

Have you ever had a home intruder, or worried about home invasion? Here are some important safety and precaution tips for moms in case of an intruder.

What Moms Need to Know in Case of Intruders

How to Protect Your Children in an Active Shooter Situation

Roadside Emergencies… What Every Mom Needs to Know

I want to break this post into 3 parts:

How to prevent your child from getting lost in the first place and advanced precautions
What you should do if they get lost in public
What to teach your children to do if they get lost

Advanced Precaution & Prevention

Toddlers or preschoolers won’t be able to find you themselves if they are lost.

Here are some things you can do beforehand to prevent them getting lost, or make it very easy for someone else to return them to you. Do these things if you’re going somewhere you know is busy:

Sharpie your name and number on their forearm if you’re going somewhere very crowded.
Dress your child in bright colors or a noticeable hat.
For multiple children, assign each adult a particular child to watch after, like an adult-child buddy system.
Make sure your children know your full name and telephone number if they are old enough.
Teach your children to stay close to you, practice at home if they struggle with this.
Practice Red Light Green Light with the kids so you are confident they know how to “stop” on command. This helps if you need to stop or turn back and they are trying to go on ahead.
If they are carrying backpacks or purses, make sure their name and number is on the labels.
Take a photo as you enter the busy area so you have a picture of the exact outfit your child is wearing.
Give older kids a meeting place, say a big fountain or welcome center, in case you’re separated.
Teach children to stay within arm’s reach of you. As you are teaching this, be quick to put your arm out and remind them they must – at all times – be able to reach you in one movement.

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Lost in Public

Despite our best intentions…our children can still get lost.

This is a terrifying thought, but one to consider beforehand to hopefully prevent it or, at best, make it a quick separation.

Try not to panic. Okay, as if, but this is what all experts suggest. Panicking without thinking through your first response may cause you to act unwisely and miss something obvious.
If you’re in a public establishment like an amusement park, mall, or airport, get in touch with security or the main office immediately. Find an employee or Google the number, but do this immediately. If you find your child in the next minute, they will not be upset you alerted them.
If you have a bad feeling or don’t feel that alerting the security in that locale is enough (if it’s a large place, for example) don’t be scared to call the police.
Stop for a moment, and calmly and slowly look around you.
Don’t be afraid to loudly call your child’s name. If, on the very off chance there is a predator, alerting him that you are near and looking will actually be a deterrent.
Try not to stray too far from where you lost your child unless you can leave another family member in your place while you search. Small children are not likely to have gone too far.

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Teach Them Beforehand

Just as you have thought of some precautions to prevent your child from getting lost… don’t forget to teach them what they should do if lost.

Make sure your children know to call your full name, not “mommy” but Rachel Norman, for example.
Teach them to ask another lady with children, a mom. She’ll feel their plight urgently and will be a safer choice.
Also, if a child is too nervous to approach another mother, teach them to search out an employee in that area. Begin teaching them, in normal errands, to find out who the employees are so this becomes second nature.
Teach your kids how to ask for help. Just saying “ask for help” can be a nebulous concept for small children, even preschoolers, so teach them to say a phrase like, “I can’t find my mommy, can we call for help?”
Make sure your children know not to wander around searching for you, but to find a safe place right near where they lost you.
Practice the “what if” or “what would you do” game frequently (source). It will be hard at first, but in many scenarios practice asking your children what they would do if so-and-so happened. This will give you ample opportunity to teach your children how to respond in various scenarios.

I hope this never happens to you or your child and, thankfully, most of these situations end in a reunion in a short time. However, as always in the case of an emergency, better to be prepared than caught unawares.

This site is for informational purposes only. While I’ve worked hard to provide you with correct information, readers are using the information on this site at their own risk. Any reliance you place on such information is therefore strictly at your own risk. A Mother Far from Home will not compensate you in any way whatsoever if you ever happen to suffer a loss/inconvenience/damage because of/while making use of information in this blog. Please seek professional advice.

Getting Started Raising Rabbits with Kids (Part 1)

This is the first post in my series on raising rabbits with kids. We will go from having no rabbits yet (today’s post) to how/where to get them, caregiving basics, and how to involve the kids then eventually turn over their care to them. Post contains affiliate links.

Getting started raising rabbits with kids 101

Last week we decided to get rabbits for the kids.

Actually, I decided to get goats for the kids, but a kind friend involved with livestock in our area said… “Yes… umm… maybe you should start with rabbits.”

Rabbits.

Furry, quiet, and slow.

A match made in heaven for our already crazy town family.

So this month we’re asking the right questions, preparing, and gathering our equipment so next month we can get the bunnies. I wanted to do a series on bunnies with kids for anyone else looking for a pet their children can help take care of.

I repeat, this is a real time journey as we go and we don’t have bunnies yet. But here’s what we are doing now so we can get those furry lovies by next month.

Getting Started Raising Rabbits with Kids

In no particular order, here are the steps we’re taking now.

1. Get kid books on rabbits from the library

The whole reason I wanted to get rabbits is to help the children build responsibility and care for others. This is Phase One of my multi-step strategy to keep my kids from idleness that leads to arrest in their teenage years… Anyway, I wanted them to be interested and excited about the rabbits. The best way to do this is to build anticipation.

The books will teach them, at a level they can understand, the basics of care for rabbits including where to keep them and how to feed them. All the older kids (4, 3, and 2) were very interested in reading these books.

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2. Get an adult book

I looked on Amazon and though we aren’t planning on raising rabbits for meat (which this book addresses) it is a very comprehensive and #1 bestselling guide to keeping rabbits. There’s a photo gallery with the different breeds, advice on care, and everything you would not have thought to think of.

Storey’s Guide to Raising Rabbits, 4th Edition

3. Determine where you’ll keep and what you’ll use for housing

Space is not an issue for us so we decided we’ll get a relatively large rabbit hutch. We want to start with 2 rabbits, but wanted a hutch that had different levels and room for a few different elements. Depending on your backyard situation, find a location for the cage or hutch then find one that fits.

Storey’s guide suggests metal cages, but since we are going to consider our rabbits pet rabbits initially, and only think about showing the later, we wanted more than a small cage. Amazon has a million (slight exaggeration) options, but here are a smattering.

Hutch | Hutch | Habitat

What books, blogs, and articles have focused on in this regard is where you will keep the rabbit and the type of pests that are likely to bother the rabbits. This may be snakes, coyotes, or any number of animals if you are rural. If you’re in a suburb or urban area, there will be fewer predators, but you still may have to make security upgrades to certain cages so the doors or roofs can’t be opened by anyone but you.

4. Find a local provider for hay and food

I live in a rural area so we have a Tractor Supply near us that sells food for rabbits. Rabbit food includes a lot of hay, vegetables, some fruit, pellets, and salt blocks to give them something to chew on and help retain water. Again, you’ll have to decide for yourself exactly what type of diet or hay you’ll provide for your rabbits based on their breed, size, and age.

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5. Gather supplies

We are currently moving into this phase. Next payday we’re purchasing our hutch, the other basic essentials such as feeders, beds, or chew toys. Since you can buy hay baled and wrapped, we’ll pick up a few of those as well so that we are completely ready the day we bring rabbits home.

6. Determine the type of rabbits available and choose

I don’t know jack about rabbits. In 4+ years I would like the kids to show them at local events, again building responsibility and confidence in trying new things, but right now I just want some furry animals to enjoy. We will speak with those in our area who keep rabbits and determine which are the most “friendly” and easy to care for with the least propensity towards illness. In my next post, we’ll talk about which we chose and why.

Read: Getting Started Raising Rabbits With Kids (Part 2)

How the Type A Woman Can Better Manage Her Frustrations

As part of my Type A Mom Series, today we’re talking about how to better manage our emotions. These are emotions related to type A frustrations. My post Type A Wives Married to Type B Men is still hugely popular. The struggle is real, ladies.

It ain’t easy being a woman.

Or a mom.

Okay fine, life is hard for everyone.

But if you’re Type A, life is That Much harder. It just is…

It is harder because, for Type A people, every problem should be fixed, every process should be efficient, and every person should be competent.

Ha ha ha ha ha

That’s right. That’s why life is hard. Because we think life should be easy and it isn’t and that gives us a migraine and an eye twitch. What can I say? We were born like this.

Where does the term Type A come from?

Originally coined by a cardiologist, the Type A label was given to people who were more likely to suffer a cardiac event. Namely, those who were more driven, prone to stress, highly competitive, and impatient (source).

Later in the 70’s a bestselling book was released called Type A Behavior and Your Heart, and it became a commonly used term.

This was a tad bit shocking to me – although not really – because it was the first time I’d heard personality type (not just our choices) linked to health.

Certain personalities are more likely to have the problems associated with stress because certain personalities are more prone to stress.

Confident + Take Charge and Strong + Deliberate moms, I’m looking at you.

How we can manage our neuroses Type A frustrations?

There are several things a Type A mother can do to manage her type A frustrations. It’s possible ladies… although it does take some foresight and practice.

#1. Learn to think first, talk later

This is nearly impossible for me. I think as I talk.

Ideas come as my mouth opens and I do my best thinking on my feet. However, in times of conflict or tension, the worst thing I can do is “let ‘er rip”.

What comes out is rarely gracious or kind, much less helpful to resolving a problem. We will experience a lot of regret and hurt others if we don’t learn to curb our tongues.

After 6 years of marriage, I’ve only now developed the self-control to go away, think, then speak my mind.

It caused me a lot of troubles early on (I’m married to a Type B man), but conversations are always more fruitful if you’ve thought a bit first. Your opinion might not change, but your delivery will.

#2. Let the intensity pass before acting

Only another Type A person can understand the intensity of emotion that comes upon us when things don’t go our way.

Traffic jams, betrayals. Responsibilities, or things that waste our time.

I could go on, but I’m really making us look bad here. Instead of flying high on your rage (letting Type A frustrations rule you) and whipping yourself into action, calm down first.

Pray, take a breather, and get some perspective.

The intense feelings – when they’re upon us – feel like they will never fizzle out. They seem like an outboard motor pushing the boat faster and faster.

And yet, they do fizzle. And if you haven’t waited before you’ve sprung into action you might find people wounded in your wake.

Read: 5 Reasons You’re An Angry Mom – And How To Manage

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#3. Realize you’re “unbalanced” just as others are “unbalanced”

Type A people notoriously believe they are always right.

Even if they know it’s impossible to be right all the time, it’s hard for them to actually pinpoint a time when they were wrong. In their mind, it happens so infrequently.

It was good for me to realize that I am not balanced. I’m too prone to stress, overwhelm, and anxiety.

My standards and expectations are too high and that can prevent me from being a reasonable person.

Those around us who are Type B can often be viewed by Type A as lazy or unmotivated. It’s not their goal to always be the best, finish first, and win the prize so we can view them as lacking drive.

Watching others leads to quick and pointless type A frustrations….

It’s important we remember, however, that we are “too much” as we perhaps see them (in our minds) as “too little.”

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#4. Exercise more

Some of the happiest times of my life were when I exercised every day. I didn’t put two and two together until doing the Dressing Your Truth course.

I was happier and more relaxed and I believe exercise was key.

Extroverted and high-strung personalities have an excess amount of internal energy and, without exercise, this can lead to pint up energy.

Sometimes they can even be found running around the house like a chicken with their head cut off finding things to do that don’t even need doing.

#5. Release your emotions often, preferably alone

One of the best things I’ve learned in the past few years is to get out my frustrations without taking them out on another person.

Whether it’s praying, screaming into a pillow, or crying, I find that by releasing my emotions alone I am less likely to railroad another person.

If I let my emotions build up they will explode on whoever happened to be near me at a bad time. I have learned that I can…

be more patient
learn to wait
give grace to others

It ain’t easy, but it is possible.

A recent book I’ve read is The Temperament God Gave You. It talks about the four temperaments and how they work.

Both in marriage and parenting, which I found very valuable. I believe many of my edges have softened after having read the book, and that’s saying a lot.

7 Ways to Raise a Foolish Child – According To The Bible

According to the Bible there are certain characteristics of a foolish person, here are 7 ways you can raise a foolish child according to scripture:

You might think I’m a fool for skipping the 75% off Lily Pulitzer sale.

I may think you’re a fool for liking Asian food. (Is a meal really a meal if there’s no cheese? #kiddingnotkidding)

You may think I’m a fool for paying with exact change at the cash register. (This actually makes people mad for some reason)

“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so sure of themselves and wiser people so full of doubt.” L. Wilson

In fact, being a “fool” according to scripture may be different than our modern day understanding of the word.

So what is a “foolish” child according to Scripture?

We shouldn’t define fool as matters of our own personality and preference- rather than that of scriptural integrity.

We could all define “fool” based on our own experiences and tolerances, but I want to give a clear guideline for us to follow. Since the Bible expressly tells us to avoid fools, we’d probably like to avoid raising them as well.

A fool:

Thinks they are always right and doesn’t accept counsel from others (Prov. 12:15)
Does not want to listen or learn, just to share his/her own opinion (Prov. 18:2)
Uses words to cause strife and stir up trouble (Prov. 18:6)
Reacts in rages or mockery instead of having civil conversation (Prov. 29:9)
Repeats mistakes and folly again and again (Prov. 26:11)
Frequently loses their temper and vents (Prov. 29:11)
Causes harm to those closest to him/her (Prov. 13:20)
Slanders and lies (Prov. 10:18)

At best, a fool is a selfish entitled person. At worst, a narcissistic.

A fool is not just someone we disagree with. They aren’t just someone who doesn’t seem very smart or intelligent.

In fact, fools are often very intelligent. No no. Foolishness has little to do with immaturity or childishness and all to do with a person’s bedrock character.

Read: The Difference Between Childishness and Foolishness

(Before you send hate mail telling me we shouldn’t judge… it’s true we cannot judge the inner workings of another’s heart.

However, we can judge actions that are foolish and destructive, and are commanded to do so. Read This Article if you’re wondering if “fool” is a swear word.)

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7 Ways to Raise a Foolish Child

This isn’t written by a woman with grown children who are all saints, but from a mother of small children hoping to raise non-foolish adults. I think we all want the same thing.

1. Let a child who is wrong think they are right.

This isn’t about winning an argument or zero sum parenting. There are Battles Worth Fighting and those Not Worth It. Still, it’s good for your child to know they aren’t always right.

We moms are tempted not to correct our children because we don’t want to lower their self-esteem, when in fact, knowing the truth is empowering.

Self-esteem is grown not by thinking you are right, but by developing confidence in yourself and resilience. Resilience comes from facing challenges and rising again. If your kids think they are always right, they never “fall down.”

2. Not teaching your child to listen will raise a foolish child.

If you Google “how to listen” you’ll find there is a method. A way to do it. Advice abounds here because so many of us adults (myself included) don’t always listen well.

By allowing our children to ignore us, We Become Background Noise. If a child won’t listen to his parents or heed their advice he can become obstinate and unruly in later years.

This is not about control or dictatorial parenting, but being sure our children respond to us. After all, We Are Reasonable People. Through discipline (the whole process of training up a child) and consequences you can teach your child to listen from a young age.

Read: How to get your kid’s behavior back under control

3. Over-empathizing to the point you condone bad behavior will raise a foolish child.

Of course,We Should Encourage Children to Tell Us How They Really Feel. This can be done calmly and with respect, from both parent and child. However, empathy is a big buzz word in parenting these days that can be quite confusing.

Empathizing with a child’s feelings can lead to a sense of acceptance, safety, and belonging. Over-empathizing can lead to self-pity, Justification of Bad Behaviors, and Blame Shifting.

4. Not teaching them to manage their emotions

You Don’t Always Gave to Make Your Children Feel Better. If they are losing it and having a tantrum every time you say no, don’t let their moods affect the whole house.

In Making Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours, the author suggests letting them throw a tantrum. In their room with the door closed. Funnily enough, the tantrum doesn’t last as long this way.

While you should not squash their emotions,You Can Still Require a Good Respectful Attitude. You can teach them, day by week by year, how to calmly and rationally share their feelings and work towards a solution with you.

If they are used to screaming and throwing things to get their way, this does not go away as they age. It just changes forms to something less obvious.

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Bye, Bye Backtalk

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5. Interrupting cause and effect

If you don’t let your child experience the consequences of their negative actions, they don’t think their actions can have negative consequences.

Period. Hearing something a million times is not the same as learning a lesson.

We try to stop our children from feeling pain, disappointment, or discomfort So We Lecture. It is a wise parent indeed who allows their children to experience the effects of their choices.

To reap what they sow. All the while there offering support, guidance, and love.

6. Letting meanness go unchecked

Kids who are mean turn into teenagers who are mean, then grow into adults who are mean. I’m not talking about the occasional bout of sibling rivalry, but consistent mean and divisive behavior. You know what meanness looks like.

Allowing it to go unchecked in your home – or worse attributing it to youth and hoping they’ll “grow out of it” – will damage your other children, the home atmosphere, and will leave doors open for your child to become a bully.

7. Ignoring lies, deceit, and manipulation.

Now, lying is a developmental milestone. When children figure out they can say something other than reality, and possibly avoid consequences, they try it.

This doesn’t mean you’re raising a sociopath. However, it’s important to teach children the value of the truth, and to discipline wisely and effectively for lying.

There are tons of resources written by psychologists and child development experts that teach parents to wisely maneuver this subject. According to Scripture, a fool slanders and lies. We want to raise children who value honesty and integrity.

We want so much for our kids and try our hardest not to screw them up. But we probably will in one way or another. It’s just how it works. However, we can’t be so scared to make our children unhappy that we fail to do the hard work of parenting.

Remember, one choice is not indicative of an overall character. After all, children are still growing and learning.

Still, we mustn’t forget that an adult’s character is known by their consistent behavior.

I’m currently reading Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World. I believe many of my own foolish behaviors come from feelings of self-entitlement and this book is a great read. It’s easy, simple, and like a friend having a conversation. I really think this book could change the entire way you parent if you let it.

Roadside Emergencies… What Every Mom Needs to Know

This is the third installment in my In Case of Emergency series. The first post is What Every Mom Needs to Know in Case of an Intruder. The second is How to Protect Your Children in an Active Shooter Situation. Both have gone viral on either Pinterest or Facebook. I hope these posts are not fear mongering but helpful. Post contains affiliate links.

Note: This post does not cover what to do in a car crash as I feel that warrants an entire post unto itself.

What every mom needs to know in case of a roadside emergency with your kids present. This is helpful especially if you've had your car broken down on the side of the road and your kids with you.

Picture this.

Two college girls and a boy sweating under Florida heat in their Sunday best.

In the middle of a busy road.

Pushing an old white Chevy Blazer out of traffic into a parking lot.

You know…. a typical Sunday morning.

I can’t even remember what happened to the car itself or the final result, but as college kids we thought it was an adventure. Something to laugh over at lunch in Chili’s. Fast forward ten years. If my studmuffin minivan broke down in the middle of a busy road with my kids in it, I would not be laughing. No… no I would not.

For the third installment of my In Case of Emergency series for moms, I want to talk about how to handle roadside emergencies, particularly when there are kids with you in the car.

How to Handle a Roadside Emergency

1. Before you even leave the house

Consider joining a roadside assistance plan | The options may be limited depending on your geographic location, but even at one tow a year or a jump start for a dead battery and the plan may pay for itself. If you are a single mom or without a strong support system in your current location, this might be worth finding the money in your budget.

Get a simple and inexpensive emergency kit | You can buy these kits ready made on Amazon or assemble your own. These kits come with things like jumper cables, flashlight, a seatbelt cutter, air compressor, whistle, window breaking hammers, and first aid kits. (See below for examples) This is a handy thing to have in the car in case of your own emergency or that of someone else.

Know your warning lights | When I was a senior in high school I put a cute photograph over the area where warning lights show. I missed the light that said I had an oil leak. Twas all revealed when my engine started white smoking and I had to pay for a cracked engine block. Moral… keep your book handy and pay attention to warning lights.

Keep an extra cell phone charger | This may be the difference in getting help quick or not getting help (depending on how rural the area is). Buy an inexpensive or generic charger and keep it in your glove box.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

13-18, 6-12

Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

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Here are some basic things to keep in mind in case of a roadside emergency

2. Get off the road

If your engine starts to smoke, you get a flat tire, a child is having a medical emergency in the backseat, or you smell something funny, pull over to the nearest parking lot, shoulder, or emergency lane. Even if you have to drive on a destroyed tire or wheel well, this is very important (source).

If you are on a curve, try to coast as long as possible so your car isn’t positioned in a hard to see area.

If your car stops in a busy road and won’t move, do not get out (source). If it’s a high traffic area, it isn’t worth trying to wrangle your kids out and run through traffic. You’ll feel unnerved watching cars pile up and honk, but help will arrive soon precisely because you’re holding up traffic.

If your car is stuck on the road and you are in a relatively low traffic area, you may want to get the kids out of the car and go to a safer place. If it’s a road where cars typically drive 65+ mph and there are few cars, getting out may stop someone from plowing into you unnoticed.

Bring the car seat or stroller if you have babies or toddlers so they will be strapped in and unable to run towards the road.

3. Precautions to take once broken down

Call help or roadside assistance immediately if you know you’re unable to solve the issue yourself. Roll down the window on the driver’s side and put a piece of material or clothing in the window then roll it back up. This will act as a signal (a flag, if you will) you need help (source).

You can place warning lights or reflective markers (from an emergency kit below) around the vehicle to warn others to slow down.

If you’re safely off the road and waiting for help, keep the children at a comfortable temperature. Roll down the windows for warmer temps and give the kids their jackets or blankets to snuggle with in colder climes.

If a lot of people stop and mill around trying to help or waiting with you, you might want to lock your car door and keep the key in your pocket. This will keep the kids in and unknown people out.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Parenting in Hard Times

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4. Changing a flat tire

If you are a safe distance off the road, confident in your ability to change a flat, and have children who are safely in the car, old enough to stay away from the road at your instruction, or you’re with another responsible adult, change your own tire and get out of there.

Note, a State Trooper friend says one issue with changing the flat with the kids in it is movement. If they move around a lot the car can fall off the jack.

Obviously, this is dangerous. Depending on the weight of the car, how many kids you have, their ages, and your peace of mind, you may prefer to wait for help.

AAA kit | Top Gear kit | AAA premium kit

5. Accepting help from strangers

After talking with quite a few people, this comes down to personal preference. If you are in a familiar busy area, you may not mind accepting help from a stranger. In fact, you may consider it a godsend.

If you are in an unknown place with little to no support system and have a long wait until AAA arrives, you may prefer to tell the truth to those who stop.

You aren’t comfortable accepting help from strangers with kids around and someone will be there shortly. Honest people will understand this. My police officer friend said don’t be afraid to fib and say the police are on their way if you feel threatened in any way.

If you are uncomfortable accepting help from strangers and your car is off the road, stay in it with the doors locked. This is a safer place to explain to those who may offer help that it will be arriving soon. If you have more kids than arms, keeping everyone secure in the car is a good idea.

6. Stay with the car

While you might be tempted to truck off to the nearest Burger King and drink Diet Coke while waiting for help, staying as near to your car as possible is the best way. This way help will see both your car and you when they arrive and you won’t risk missing them. Away from harm but in sight of your car.

7. Don’t panic!

If you start to panic the kids will get scared and everyone will have contagious meltdowns. If you’ve called help, try to keep the kids calm. Explain what’s happening, sing songs, take a pool on how long it’ll take to get home or what the tow driver will look like. Don’t emotionally take on the honks, fingers, or ugly words from people who are inconvenienced by your inconveinence. After all…

“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.” Dan Rather

Here are other related posts in my In Case of Emergency series.

What moms need to know in case of an intruder

If you are in public with your children during an active shooter situation (what is referred to afterward as a mass shooting if there were many injuries and casualties) here is what experts suggest you do to increase the chances of survival for both you and your children.

How to protect your child in an active shooter situation

This site is for informational purposes only. While I’ve worked hard to provide you with correct information, readers are using the information on this site at their own risk. Any reliance you place on such information is therefore strictly at your own risk. A Mother Far from Home will not compensate you in any way whatsoever if you ever happen to suffer a loss/inconvenience/damage because of/while making use of information in this blog. Please seek professional advice.

All Posts

Praise is sometimes an overflow of the heart, but can come with practice

What really happened I didn’t prioritize praise

I stopped seeing the positive

I became more frazzled

My tone changed with the kids

They stopped expecting praise

Our connection suffered

I lost the joy

Strong willed or defiant?

So how do I know if my child is really strong willed?

Strong willed children are consistently persistent

Strong willed children want a reason, not just to be contrary

They are fast… across the board

All children need limits, strong-willed children demand them

50+ Connection Questions

A strong will can be created and then enforced by your choices

Why we should let our kids get as dirty as they want

1. It’s fun

2. Sensory satisfaction

3. It’s not permanent

4. Kids love it

5. Why not?

6. It’s better than screen time all the time

What do your kids love to do outside?

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Sometimes you just gotta wait ’em out…

Is this about winning?

Is it an ongoing no-good-very-bad behavior?

Do you know they are testing the boundaries?

Is it clearly behavioral?

Is it just a different tack?

How to Teach Preschoolers to Cook The Easy Way

Choose easy recipes or meals

Prep beforehand where possible

Don’t do it when they’re starving

Try not to flip out

Why Rest Changes Your Life

You are better prepared to cope with life

Your emotions are not in control of you

You become more self-disciplined

It helps you prioritize the things that matter

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

How to get more sleep even if you think you can’t:

I was busy wandering around and noticed I couldn’t find my mother or grandparents.

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

I want to break this post into 3 parts:

Advanced Precaution & Prevention

Lost in Public

Teach Them Beforehand

50+ Connection Questions

Getting Started Raising Rabbits with Kids

1. Get kid books on rabbits from the library

2. Get an adult book

3. Determine where you’ll keep and what you’ll use for housing

4. Find a local provider for hay and food

5. Gather supplies

6. Determine the type of rabbits available and choose

Where does the term Type A come from?

Self-Care Routine Tracker

How we can manage our neuroses Type A frustrations?

#1. Learn to think first, talk later

Self-Care Routine Tracker

#2. Let the intensity pass before acting

#3. Realize you’re “unbalanced” just as others are “unbalanced”

#4. Exercise more

#5. Release your emotions often, preferably alone

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

So what is a “foolish” child according to Scripture?

7 Ways to Raise a Foolish Child

1. Let a child who is wrong think they are right.

2. Not teaching your child to listen will raise a foolish child.

Soft Skills Kids Need

3. Over-empathizing to the point you condone bad behavior will raise a foolish child.

4. Not teaching them to manage their emotions

5. Interrupting cause and effect

6. Letting meanness go unchecked

Master Your Tone Of Voice

7. Ignoring lies, deceit, and manipulation.

50+ Connection Questions