Regressions

The 10 Second Trick to Help Toddlers Conquer Fear of the Dark

Inside you’ll find an awesome trick to help your toddler afraid of the dark.

Pitch black.

Until my kids were around 18 months old they all went to sleep in pitch black and didn’t make a peep. So naturally, I thought I had this motherhood gig figured out.

Pfft to those people whose kids were scared of the dark. They clearly were doing something wrong and I was doing something right.

Night after night I laid the kids down in pitch darkness after our wind down routines, and off they went… to dreamland.

It didn’t occur to me that fear of darkness was actually developmental. That no matter what I’d done in those first two years… that the little ones would eventually go through a phase where they were afraid of the dark.

So when my son started saying he was afraid of the dark… I initially just thought he was stalling bedtime.

You know… when they want water and a kiss and a cuddle and 12 hours of Deep and Meaningful conversation right as you are about to kiss them good night and go.

But when, night after night, he kept saying he was afraid of the dark… I realized he wasn’t stalling. He was actually afraid. So I bought him a nightlight and put it in a prominent plug in the room.

Voila!

Problem solved, I thought.

Read: The Common 2 Year Old Sleep Regression: How To Overcome

The Night Light Did NOT Help My Toddler With Being Afraid of the Dark

I would say over and over again, “What do you mean it’s dark? There’s a night light!” This didn’t seem to matter. It made no difference. He still went on and on being afraid.

The truth is, I didn’t want to sit there and use fake spray at the monsters for 3 hours, but nor did I want to leave him to deal with fear alone.

And then it hit me… the reason the fear set in.

It wasn’t that the night light didn’t make any light. And it wasn’t that the room was too dark… it was the transition from light to dark that made my toddler afraid of the dark. him start feeling fear.

Read: The Crucial Elements of a Rock-Solid Toddler Schedule

The Reason Night Lights Alone Don’t Work

At some point during the bedtime routine, after getting on jammies and reading books, we had to turn the light off. And, when we turned the light off, the transition from light to dark seemed so drastic.

It turns out, according to science, that the eyes actually go blind for a few seconds immediately after the lights go out. This is called dark adaptation.

Dark adaptation is how the eye recovers its sensitivity following exposure to bright light (source).

Read: 5 Truths About Parenting Toddlers — That We Tend To Forget

Boundaries & Behavior

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Goodnight Bedtime Battles

This workshop will give you a simple, sanity-saving bedtime system that actually works—one that helps your kids wind down, fall asleep without endless stalling, and stay asleep (so you can finally get some rest).

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Fear sets in before the light can work…

In those few seconds while the eyes are adjusting, the fear sets in. Once the fear has set in, that night light doesn’t really do much to ease the fear.

If night lights aren’t working for you, don’t ditch them just yet. If may be that there’s another element that needs to be addressed in conjunction with adding the night light.

Read: Is Sleep Training a Baby Bad or Dangerous? Let’s Talk Facts!

Here are some top rated night lights that you can use to help you toddler afraid of the dark:

Girl sleeps with light toddler afraid of dark. — Amusing Moon Star Projector Light for Kids

Night light for toddlers afraid of the dark. — GE Color-Changing LED Night Light for Kids

The Trick to Help Toddlers Afraid of the Dark

One night like the many other nights I was trying to convince said 3 year old his room would not be dark because he had a night light… an idea came to me.

In a flash, I told him that I had a 10 second trick to help the room not feel as dark. He was already lying on his bed so I told him to close his eyes.

As soon as he closed them I flicked off the light then walked to him.

I put my hands over his eyes and said, “Okay, let’s count to ten!”

One Mississippi… two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi, five Mississippi, six Mississippi, seven Mississippi, eight Mississippi, nine Mississippi, ten Mississippi!

Read: The Top 10 Indicators It’s Time to Sleep Train

“Open your eyes,” I said excitedly. “Look!“

He did.

“Wow,” he said, “It’s not so dark!”

Without knowing it at the time, I’d helped him go through the dark adaptation. In contrast to the pitch black of shut eyes, the night light seemed quite bright in a dark room.

He went to bed afterwards without being afraid!

Read: The Tried-And-True 1 Year Old Sleep Schedule

How To Make It Happen

The key is helping your child’s eyes go through the dark adaptation without their fear setting in. Once fear sets in, it’s hard to remove.

You know that feeling, right? Worrying about something as soon as your head hits the pillow and you can’t get it out of your mind?

Read: Separation Anxiety At Bedtime – Calm Solutions For Peaceful Sleep

Follow these steps for dark adaptation…

Step 1: Ask your child to close their eyes. By dong this, they’re making a choice. They feel in control!
Step 2: Stay with them and count to ten. This is helping their eyes get accustomed to darkness, still their own choice.
Step 3: After you’ve given their eyes time to adjust to the pitch black, you remove your hands and let them open their eyes.
Step 4: They will realize that at this point, a darkened room with a night light seems cozy, not scary.

Family Practices & Contribution

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Sleep Little Lamb (Ages 0-5)

Moms will walk away with a step-by-step sleep plan tailored to their child’s age and needs, designed to improve sleep within 3 days to 2 weeks.

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These steps are a combination of teaching self-reliance and a tool (the night light).

When we did this, I helped my toddler understand why it seemed so dark. I made it a nightly tradition. And I didn’t make him feel bad for being scared.

Even now, months later, I use it on any child that feels nervous at bedtime and it works every time.

Like a charm.

Or a trick.

A trick of the eye.

Why is my toddler afraid of the dark?

Toddlers often develop a fear of the dark as part of their normal development. It can be triggered by their active imagination, fear of the unknown, or dark adaptation.

Is being afraid of the dark a phase or a long-term issue?

Most toddlers outgrow their fear of the dark as they get older. It’s usually considered a phase, but if it persists and significantly interferes with their sleep or daily life, it could become a long term issue.

Should I talk to my child about their fear of the dark?

Yes, have open and age-appropriate conversations about their fear. Ask them what specifically scares them and validate their feelings. They might be scared of something in particular and talking with them about it could shed some light on how to help them overcome their fear.

How can I make my child’s bedroom less scary?

You can make their room more inviting by using soft, comforting colors, adding nightlights, and placing familiar toys or objects nearby. .

2-Year-Old Sleep Regression – Common Signs & Guaranteed Solutions

If you’ve got 2 year old sleep regression going on, read this post and get some simple solutions to help you get back to restful naps and evenings. If you previously did sleep training and now it seems to have reverted, keep reading.

This might be the refrain going through your head…

“My 2 year old won’t sleep. Why won’t he sleep? Why does he keep waking up? And why does he take so long to go to bed?”

You are wondering how you had a baby who was sleep well and then BAM they turned 2 and now they’re singing God Bless America for an hour from their dark room instead of going to bed.

Or maybe that’s just us.

You might have arrived at the age of 2 and felt you were in the clear, out of the woods having time to breathe, with your little one sleeping all night … then the 2 year old sleep regression creeps up.

Well, the good news is you’re not alone.

Read: 5 Truths About Parenting Toddlers — That We Tend To Forget

Common 2 Year Old Sleep Regression Reasons

Here are some of the common reasons little ones stop sleeping well at 2 years of age and what you can do about it. Remember, a regression is when your child previously slept well and has stopped.

If your little one has never slept well and is now 2, that’s not a regression. That’s a sign your toddler is ready to learn how to sleep well independently.

The 2 year old sleep regression can be mastered with little to no tears!

2 Year Olds Act Like They Want To Stop Napping

I’ve heard time and time again that moms drop their 2 year old’s nap because they start fighting it.

This is where we focus on their needs, not their wants.

2 year olds need a nap during the day to get them through until bedtime. The key is to realize your baby has need for a nap and to take your little one to naptime every single day you’re home.

If they know it is not a choice, but a requirement, they spend less time fighting it.

Choose a logical time (after lunch for example) then create a nice wind down routine and make nap happen. Even if it takes your toddler a little longer to fall asleep, they still need that time of rest.

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Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.

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Don’t Move Them To A Toddler Bed Just Yet… 2-Year-Olds Often Aren’t Ready

My 3 year old still sleeps in a crib.

Why?

Because he’s never asked for a bed, he’s still working on his self-control, and most importantly, because there’s no “rule” of when you need to move your little one to a bed.

Many mothers move their toddlers to a toddler bed super early and these are common results…

Fights naps
Gets out of the bed frequently
Comes out of the bed or their bedroom at night
Wakes up early and comes out of their room

If you have a 2 year old in a sleep regression doing these behaviors and nothing seems to work, I recommend bringing the crib back (or borrowing one if you’ve already donated yours) until your child has enough self-control to stay in bed when asked to.

If you’ve already moved your child into a toddler bed and they come out multiple times, but you don’t want put the crib back, I recommend getting a gate like the ones below for their door. Or bells!

If you are a deep sleeper and your child won’t stay in their bed then this actually becomes a safety issue.

Read These While You’re At It

12 Medical Reasons Your Baby’s Not Sleeping (With Symptoms Of Each)

Is Sleep Training A Baby Bad Or Dangerous? Let’s Talk Facts!

7 Reasons Your Baby Still Wakes Up At Night – And What To Do

Bedtime Battles: How To Avoid Stalling, Tantrums, & Constant Questions

2 Year Olds Take Forever To Fall Asleep

2 year olds need slightly less sleep than 1 year olds, as a general rule. If your little one is taking long naps they may not be as tired at your toddler’s normal bedtime. Sure, you can move it back 15 to 30 minutes and test it out if you want.

That said…

Just because they take a long time to fall asleep at night doesn’t mean you need to put them to bed a lot later, but you may need to tweak naptime.

Instead of letting them sleep until 4 p.m., you may wake your toddler up around 3:30 p.m. for example.

If they are taking a bit of time in their own bed to fall asleep, but they are happy, then you’re probably fine.

They may use that time to play with their stuffed animals, sing, or even talk to themselves. This can actually be a healthy time for them to process what they’ve learned that day.

You may adjust their sleep times gradually when you notice they take longer to go to sleep, but don’t make drastic changes.

2 Year Olds Can Have Bedtime Anxiety

2 year olds are much more imaginative than little ones. This is both fun for them and slightly scary. You may find your little ones who previously went to sleep in a pitch black room now need a night light.

Also, at this age, toddlers can start experiencing separation anxiety. They are more nervous to be separated from you and want a bit more attention in the evening to feel connected and safe as they drift off to sleep. Sometimes separation anxiety can lead to sleep regressions for toddlers.

As parents, we need to validate our children’s feelings, not minimize them. You can do this by using Say What You See^® with your child.

Phrases like the following do not help alleviate anxiety, so don’t bother with them.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
“Don’t be silly.”
“You’re fine, don’t worry.”

These phrases are the same to a child as the phrase “everything happens for a reason” is to an adult who is going through something crappy.

They don’t help and – also likely – they make things worse because our feelings are being invalidated.

Read: The 10 Second Trick to Help Toddlers Conquer Fear of the Dark

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Parenting through a crisis feels heavy—but you don’t have to do it alone. This workshop gives you a clear plan to bring stability, emotional safety, and strength to your family when life gets shaky. Because in hard times, your kids need a steady, loving guide.

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Phrases That’ll Help Your Toddler Relax

“You feel scared right now, you don’t want mommy to leave.” | This doesn’t mean you won’t eventually go, but you are giving voice to your child’s desire.
“You think there’s a monster and you don’t like monsters!” | Honestly, you don’t need to convince your child there aren’t monsters. It’s like trying to convince someone the earth is flat. They don’t want to listen to reason. But more importantly, they know there aren’t really monsters. The quickest way to help calm a child is to acknowledge what they’re feeling scared about.

“I love you, you are safe.” | This is powerful to a child since they view you as So Big and themselves as So Small.

Toddler regressions happen due to teething

When your child gets their 2-year molars life gets tough.

They are fussy, irritable, and seem like a different child.

Teething may last a month or two at this time and it’s important not to drop naps and let bedtime move back later and later as a result.

Find a pain management strategy that works for your little one and keep naps and bedtime consistent.

If you aren’t sure if they’re teething or not, then give a dose of pain relief (whatever your pediatrician suggests) and see if sleep improves. This is how I’m usually able to rule out – or rule in – teething. If they take ibuprofen and then sleep a full nap for a day or two… I know it’s teething.

Give them something to bite or chew on and keep the routine steady.

Read These While You’re At It

Curious Behaviors That Come With Toddler Teething

An Easy Peasy 2-Year-Old Routine That Works Every Time

Teach Your Toddler to Follow the Routine… A No-Nagging Method

One Common Reason Your 2 Year Old Is Not Napping (A Major 2 Year Old Sleep Regression Complaint!)

And I saved the least favorite for last…

2 year olds often go through sleep regressions because they are coming into their own minds.

They don’t want to miss out. They don’t want to stop playing. And they don’t want to be still. They don’t want to rest while other family members keep doing what they were doing.

They are starting to assert their wants.

Toddler years are great training ground for adults in our mental parenting game. Here’s where we must step back and evaluate our kids’ wants vs. needs.

They want to play, but they need to sleep. Don’t bother trying to reason with your little ones because they can’t. Offer as many choices throughout the day that you want, but don’t let nap time be a choice.

Here’s what to do when your toddler is fighting sleep…

Your little one is really growing up around this age. A lot of changes are taking place in their bodies and minds. More than likely your toddler is not ready to give up this nap, they just need to work through a few things.

Validate your child’s feelings.

Keep your limits and boundaries firm.

This regression, too, shall pass.

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This 10-day reset will help you uncover what’s wearing you down (spoiler: it’s not just lack of sleep), set boundaries without guilt, and finally create space to breathe again. Because burnout isn’t your personality—it’s a signal things need to change.

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How To Get Through A 2-Year-Old Sleep Regression

Don’t assume your child is ready to drop naps because they fight naps.
Have your child lie down for “rest time” even if they say they don’t want to nap.
Consider tweaking nap times to be a bit later and then waking up your toddler by late afternoon.
Continue to put your toddler down for bed at a reasonable hour, even if it takes them a bit to wind down.
Persevere and you’ll often find your 2 year old begin napping and sleeping well again.

There’s more…

Baby bedtime can begin to feel like an actual nightmare. You just want baby to sleep well.

You just want to have some peace and quiet after a long day of momming and yet you are spending so much time trying to comfort an exhausted baby and wondering where it all went to pot.

Because moms with babies are busy (and tired) I created a set of nitty gritty baby sleep checklists that get straight to the point.

What to look for if your baby is sick.
And what to check if your baby won’t sleep at night.
What to do if your baby won’t go back to sleep at night.
And so much more!

How long does the 2 year regression last?

It can last anywhere from 2 to 6 weeks. The key is to remain consistent, don’t give up on the need for sleep, and move bedtime up slightly if your toddler is tired, and not freak out.

What causes regressions in toddlers?

Developmental changes, new sibling in the family, moving, parental stress, going to daycare, a stressful experience, lax and unpredictable routines, etc.

Can you let a 2 year old cry it out?

Cry it out is a method used by many moms to help teach their little ones to self-soothe. If your little one is well fed and tired, you can remain near your child as they learn to self-settle into nap or bedtime.

Why is my 2 year old waking up crying?

Toddlers who are overtired will often wake up crying. They don’t transition well between sleep cycles and wake up fussy instead of well rested. Answer? Enforce naps and early bedtimes.

What time should a 2 year old go to bed?

Aim for 7 o’clock, and no later than 8. A later bedtime will contribute to night terrors and overtiredness. This will make your toddler more frustrated during the day and less cooperative.

Is it okay for a 2 year old not to nap?

Typically 2 year olds still need naps. They may need their nap shortened so they are still hungry at bedtime, but don’t wean the afternoon nap yet.

How can I force my toddler to nap?

Choose a time each day for a nap. 1 p.m. is a typical time. At that time, put your toddler to sleep with a good wind down nap ritual. If your child doesn’t sleep, but will rest or play quietly with books or toys, let them do that. At least they will have down time.

Sources:

Bedtime Battles: How To Avoid Stalling, Tantrums, & Constant Questions

If you are having bedtime battles with your toddler or preschooler, or they are misbehaving at bedtime, this will help set appropriate limits to have a more peaceful bedtime routine.

My husband had nightly battles with our 4th child.

Over poop.

We’d put him to bed, read some books, chit chat, pray, and then get ready to leave and then… wouldn’t you know it… he’d have to potty.

Somehow his body wouldn’t quite work before bedtime, but would only work after he was supposed to be in bed.

My husband was losing patience and my son was stalling longer and longer. This called for a smart bedtime routine.

little girl in bed reading book at bedtime

How to avoid bedtime battles with your little ones

Here are some examples of bedtime battles waged in the hour or so before bedtime and in the time right after your child *should* be sleeping.

A child refuses to go to bed.
The child is afraid to sleep alone and requires your presence to sleep, and then later upon waking.
There’s constant stalling, asking questions, demanding things, focusing on things they don’t normally care about. (This is NOT to be confused with bedtime anxiety which is different)
When your child gets out of bed and leaves their room, whether to find you or to hide.
Crying, whining, meltdowns, and tantrums when you try to put them to bed or leave them in bed.

I’m sure there are more, but this’ll get us started.

If you are sick of the arguing at night, tantrums (from you or your child), and overall resistance to bed then these tips will set you on your way.

Why do kids fight bedtime?

The age old question with, potentially, tons of answers.

They may fight bedtime because they aren’t tired. Or they’re overtired. Because they’d rather spend time with you. Or because they’d rather play.

Kids fight bedtime because they are scared sometimes. Other times because they’d rather not do what you say. Each child will have a different reason to avoid bedtime that makes perfect sense.

So your job is three fold.

Troubleshooting your current bedtime battle situation.
Creating a bedtime routine (a baby sample and a toddler one) that is age appropriate.
Keeping it consistent.

If it’s your baby or toddler fighting sleep, I go into more solutions in my bestselling baby sleep program, Coos To Snooze.

First, determine if it’s a sleep problem or a behavior problem

Your child might be misbehaving at bedtime because of a sleep issue, a behavior issue, or both.

In my infant and child sleep consultant training I learned a whole lot. Trust me when I say you’d be amazed at all the ingenious reasons kids decide they ain’t going to bed.

Read: Is Sleep Training a Baby Bad or Dangerous? Let’s Talk Facts!

Sleep problems include:

Being overtired | When little ones are overtired they are cranky, out of sorts, and resistant.
Having slept too much | If your toddler or preschooler woke up at 4:45 p.m. from their nap and you’re putting them back down at 7:00 p.m. they may not be tired. If this is the case there’s a higher chance your child will be resistant and have a burst of energy before bed.
Inappropriate bedtime | There are generally agreed upon bed times that coincide with children’s biological rhythms. If you go much outside those little ones become overtired, overstimulated, or both overtired and overstimulated.
Sleep props exist | If you are having bedtime battles, it may be because your little one is hooked on you to get to sleep. This requires identifying the sleep props and replacing them with sleep associations. If you don’t want to spend 1.5 hours getting your toddler to sleep only to do it again 4 hours later, this is key.
Night terrors or night terrors | If your child has a lot of nightmares they may not want to go to bed for fear of the dreams. Read this post on how you can help reduce nightmares.

Read: Separation Anxiety At Bedtime – Calm Solutions For Peaceful Sleep

Behavior issues include:

Connection needs | If you work outside the home or are in a particularly busy or unusual time, children often crave more time together. Move bedtime up a bit to make time for connection.
Your child just doesn’t want to go to bed | Look, bed isn’t as fun as playing. Dig deeper if your child is being particularly defiant. Say What You See® and find out the root of the issue. Then, keep reading for strategies to help you keep the rules.
They are super wound up and won’t settle down | If your child is overtired or in their second wind, they will not jump in bed ready to sleep without some effort.
The in and out issue | Some brave kids will really try their desperate mamas. They will get in and out of bed. And then go in and out of their rooms. This will for sure do your head in, read to the bottom for solutions.

Read: Separation Anxiety At Bedtime – Calm Solutions For Peaceful Sleep

Are you trying to put your little one down during their “second wind?”

Sometimes, your toddler or preschooler will get a burst of energy before bed. In my infant and child sleep consulting training I learned about something very interesting called – to paraphrase – the forbidden zone.

A forbidden zone is that time right before normal bedtime when your little one’s biological rhythms keep them wide awake. This is why a routine or schedule works.

You choose a bedtime and keep it consistent.

IF you go much after their typical bedtime – and knowing that sleep before midnight is the most restorative as our sleep hormones are the strongest – your kids can go into their second wind. That’s looks like running around at 11 p.m. like it’s 8 a.m.

Put your kids in bed at a good time before they get overtired and wired.

mom putting son to bed at bedtime with teddy bear

Specific strategies to avoid bedtime battles, power struggles, and meltdowns

So now let’s get into specific ways you can turn bedtime from a time of power battles and tears into a peaceful time of bonding.

Start bedtime earlier

If battles are happening and it pushes bedtime back further and further, then start 30 minutes earlier.

Read bedtime stories
Brush teeth & potty
Chit chat or sing
Pray
Turn on white noise (a personal must)
Kiss and let your little one sleep

If you start earlier, even with a bit of stalling, you’ll still have your little one in bed at a proper hour.

Include stalling requests in the routine

One of mine always wants water, to potty, and to have daddy come in and say goodnight. Or if daddy is putting him to bed, he wants me to say goodnight. So we add these to the routine.

Whatever frequent request your child has, give it to them (if it’s appropriate) as part of the routine.

Then set limits.

For example, 3 stories and no more.

Make your bedtime routine and schedule a WALL

If your child is misbehaving at bedtime, it may be because the rules aren’t clear.

What does it mean to have a Wall?

A wall is a rule that’s set in stone and you aren’t wishy washy about it. You don’t feel guilty enforcing it and aren’t tied up in knots about it.

It just is what it is. The kids recognize Walls and they respect them. Like an actual wall vs a door. When children know they can’t get into a room through a wall, they’ll find a door.

Your rules should be walls.

When you choose a bedtime routine and a time for, stick with it.

It is your job, not your kids, to create healthy appropriate family routines that allow everyone to thrive. Hour long bedtime battles do not do that.

Children need sleep as much as they need food. In fact, children need sleep *more urgently* than they need love and attention and nurture because they’ll still survive without those.

And they won’t without sleep.

Luckily, we can meet our children’s need for sleep AND for love, connection, nurture, attention, and time together. And we can do it all in the bedtime routine. And the enforcement of said routine.

Set your child up for success

In order to have smooth peaceful bedtimes, we need to take all factors into account. We take into account their stalling requests, their need for connection, and their need for sleep.

Oh, and we take into account our need for some time alone in the evenings. You also need sleep to survive and a quick path to extreme mental illness is not sleeping.

Here’s how you can set your child’s bedtime routine up for success and avoid bedtime battles:

Choose an appropriate bedtime you can make happen at least 90% of the time. AKA don’t choose an ideal bedtime at a time when you’re not home because of outside commitments.
Create a calming wind down routine and bedtime routine. Use the routine cards to help get our child on board and following independently.
Make time within the routine for some connection and attention. If your child is acting out for connection, this will immediately help resolve a lot of behavior issues.
Create rules with built in consequences for your kids if they don’t go along with the routine. Remember, they *need* sleep, this isn’t like a trip to the park you can take or leave.
Commit to being consistent with this routine without the guilt or anxiety or angst you’ll feel when your child begins bucking the new rule.
Give it time and try to remain calm. You don’t have to be a robot, but remember, it’s your job to keep the routine and however they respond… well… let it play out. While it’s playing out, keep your boundaries.

FAQs

How do I stop my toddler from fighting at bedtime?

Follow all the tips given to help your toddler learn to love bedtime, not fight it. Also, make sure your toddler is actually tired and ready for bed by not allowing late naps or overtiredness which will make him fussy.

How long should you let a toddler cry at bedtime?

That answer is subjective. If you are using a cry it out strategy for bedtime, this should only last a few days and then there shouldn’t be any more crying. If your little one is crying every night, it’s a good idea to dig deeper to find out what’s going on.

What time should a 2 year old go to bed?

2 year olds should typically be in bed by 8 p.m. at the latest and if they haven’t napped well then 7 p.m. is a good time to shoot for.

Are late bedtimes bad for toddlers?

In short, yes. The most restorative sleep is had before midnight so if a toddler goes to bed at 10:00 p.m. they are only taking advantage of 2 of those hours. Toddlers will become over stimulated and overtired with late bedtimes and their behavior will suffer.

What role does screen time play in bedtime resistance?

Screens emit blue light, which can suppress the production of melatonin, a hormone that regulates sleep-wake cycles. Prolonged exposure to screens, especially in the evening, can interfere with the body’s natural sleep signals, making it harder for a child to fall asleep.

What if my toddler is afraid of the dark or has night-time fears?

Trying a nightlight may help. Some sound machines have light settings that you can adjust and change, so it’s not too bright in their room. Red light is less stimulating than white light, so if a normal night light isn’t working, that could be worth a shot.

How much sleep does my toddler need?

Generally, 10-12 hours per night. The amount of sleep a toddler needs can vary depending on their age, individual differences, and activity level.

Top 10 Reasons Why Your Baby Can’t Sleep (In Order)

Inside you’ll find the top 10 reasons your baby won’t sleep. The reason is probably easier than you think.

There is nothing quite like that feeling.

The manic, middle of the night, I’ve-been-up-so-many-times-I-think-I’m-going-insane-feeling.

Even if it only lasts a few nights in a row, it is extremely difficult and debilitating to be awake for hours at night.

As days turn into weeks turn into months… everyone in the home suffers including the sweet baby, when no one is sleeping through the night.

It’s rough when your baby won’t sleep

While you might be willing in heart to wait this out, your mental health tells you differently.

Never fear, however, because we were all born to have restorative regenerative sleep, and babies are no different.

They aren’t always able to teach themselves to sleep on their own, but with some gentle and consistent help from you (and some good sleep habits) they will get it!

Top 10 Reasons Your Baby Won’t Sleep

While there will be more factors than these alone, these are the top 10 most common reasons.

If you want to turn around baby’s sleeping habits, get our daily baby logs to start noticing trends. That alone may help you locate the problem area.

Read These While You’re At It

12 Medical Reasons Your Baby’s Not Sleeping (With Symptoms Of Each)

2-Year-Old Sleep Regression – Common Signs & Guaranteed Solutions

7 Reasons Your Baby Still Wakes Up At Night – And What To Do Baby and Toddler SLEEP FAQs…Answered (with Video)

Baby Won’t Sleep In The Bassinet? Here’s Why & What To Do

Common Habits That Help and Hurt Baby’s Sleep

Daycare Won’t Rock Baby To Sleep? Here’s What To Do.

Is Sleep Training Necessary? No. Also, Yes.

Your baby can’t sleep because she’s overtired

It is a huge misconception that babies who are super tired will sleep better.

They will not.

They will sleep worse, baby wakes more, and becomes fussier and whinier overall. There will be more tossing and turning and they will have more difficulty staying asleep.

Quite simply, it backfires every time.

To prevent overtiredness, keep your baby on a schedule. You’ll want a nap schedule and a bedtime schedule.

Read: How to Stop Contact Naps (Peacefully)- and What to Do Instead

Then, if your baby is overtired, put them to bed earlier than normal. Putting your baby to bed when they are already exhausted will make it much harder for baby to stay asleep.

Baby is overstimulated

Similar to over tiredness, overstimulation makes it very difficult for a baby to get to sleep.

Overstimulation occurs when a baby’s environment is so stimulating they are unable to calm down easily and end up hyper-alert, fussy, and even fidgety and anxious.

If your baby is overstimulated, he’ll have trouble falling asleep and then have trouble staying asleep.

Imagine being at a full day meeting, conference, or training. After a while the new information starts to make you crave a break. You need to stop learning and start processing what you’ve learned.

Babies are no different. Too many screens, noise from older siblings, toys, books, scene changes, errands, and people talking in their faces will make them overstimulated.

You can prevent this by keeping them on a good routine, guarding their rest, and giving them a proper wind down before nap or bedtimes. This is something really to pay attention to if you are having some witching hours.

Family Practices & Contribution

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Sleep Little Lamb (Ages 0-5)

Moms will walk away with a step-by-step sleep plan tailored to their child’s age and needs, designed to improve sleep within 3 days to 2 weeks.

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Baby can’t sleep because there’s no routine

No routine is the same from family to family.

And it definitely doesn’t have to be!

You don’t have to do certain specific things, you just need regularity, stability, and consistency with your babies.

➡️ Research is so overwhelmingly in favor of routine, there is absolutely no reason your baby shouldn’t have one.

They’ll sleep better, eat better, be happier, and make life more peaceful. For a visual reminder of your baby’s wind down and bedtime routine, you can use these printable routine cards in the nursery.

Sleep aids are a great way to create positive sleep association and these include listening to music, gentle rocking, and doing the same things at the same time every day. Routines help babies establish their circadian rhythm in a way that promotes good sleep.

Read: How To End Day And Night Confusion In 3 Days Or Less

Read These While You’re At It

Here is a 5 month schedule and 5 month routine for your baby.

A 5 Month Old Schedule (With Feeding & Sleeping Times!)

A 7 Month Old Feeding Schedule That Works Like A Charm

A 9 to 12 Month Routine Guaranteed to Make Happy Babies

A Newborn Routine That Works Every Time

Baby’s First Year: The Ultimate Month By Month Guide

The 6 to 9 Month Routine Your Baby Will Love

Want an Easy Baby? Then Use A Foolproof Baby Schedule

Baby is awake too long before napping and then won’t go down at naptime

You may think your baby isn’t “tired” because they are able to stay up a long time. Whether your baby can stay up a long time or not doesn’t mean much.

Except that they are able to keep being awake when they could actually be sleeping.

Babies under 4 months old will need a nap about 1.5 hours after they wake. This will mean multiple shorter naps per day.

Read: The Nap Trap- How to Deal with It and Not Resist It

This is good and right!

By the age of 9 months babies still need to only be awake around 2 hours after they last woke. At this point they’ll feel tired and need to go down to nap otherwise sleep problems will occur.

Again, multiple naps throughout the day, after every feeding essentially. See a guide for baby sleep times (naps and nighttime included) here.

I have had 5 babies with 5 different personalities all of whom followed these loose guidelines and all of whom napped well.

If your baby is awake too long, they will fight sleep.

Read: The Top 10 Indicators It’s Time to Sleep Train

Baby has a sleep prop and can’t sleep without it

If your baby needs something only you can give them to go to sleep, they have a sleep prop. (This does not include milk which they need to survive, but can’t get on their own.)

This may mean rocking to sleep, nursing to sleep, laying on you, and many more things.

If they can’t get themselves back to sleep because they need you to do something for them they won’t sleep long and they won’t sleep well.

Sleep habits are the single most important thing you can focus on.

Baby has a physical or medical discomfort

Acid reflux will make it difficult for your child to sleep since they are in pain. Follow your pediatrician’s advice for how to bring your baby comfort.

If your baby usually sleeps well then stops All Of a Sudden, it could be something like a sore throat or ear infection. I’d rule out any sleep disorders or medical issues before trying to sleep train.

Also teething can disrupt sleep for a time. If they’ve always slept well then stopped, look for something medical first.

Read: How to handle teething without having sleep regressions

Babe can’t transition from active to passive sleep alone

All humans naturally go through both active and passive sleep cycles. As babies transition from one to the other (every 45 to 60 minutes or so) they will rouse lightly.

If they know how to put themselves back to sleep they’ll just keep sleeping. If they have a sleep prop and can’t go to sleep on their own, they will wake up.

This is the culprit for short naps and frequent night waking.

The way to help babies transition through this is to teach them to sleep on their own by putting them in their cribs drowsy but awake.

Read: Mom Habits That Are Barriers To Peaceful Baby Sleep

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 6-12

Goodnight Bedtime Battles

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child holding stuffed animal with pacifier

Baby won’t sleep because he doesn’t eat enough solids

If your baby is 5 months or older and not on solids they will likely wake frequently at night.

I’m not telling you to feed them solids if your pediatrician suggested you wait until 6 months or you aren’t ready, but the reason they are waking is because they are legitimately hungry.

When you start giving them ample solids you will see improvement in sleep. In the hours before bedtime it’s important to make sure baby is eating well and feeling full.

Baby also won’t sleep if he snacks too much and isn’t getting enough milk.

Read: Breastfeeding Schedules Month By Month: Birth To 1 Year Of Age

Your little one is too hot or cold

This is always what you hope is the issue!

I once had a son wake up multiple times a night for a week until I finally realized he was cold, poor thing.

I added another layer to his nighttime wear and voila. Sleeping through. If you notice they are sweaty, shed a layer.

➡️ Keep in mind babies usually need one more layer than we adults do to be comfortable.

Read: Foolproof Baby Sleep Tips — Routines, Habits & Strategies

Baby can’t sleep because she’s having a growth spurt or wonder week

Often our babies will go from sleeping well to having struggles.

One thing I’m always aware of is whether they are having a growth spurt. If so, I give them more milk and/or solids throughout the day.

I change up their routine a bit to allow giving them more of what they need. This will also help if you need to get up your milk supply.

A “wonder week” is a concept made popular by this book that shows you which weeks your baby is likely to start acting fussy based on developmental leaps.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Weary To Well

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Additional Reasons That Prevent Babies Sleeping Well

Here are a few honorable mentions.

Teething. Babies who already sleep well typically aren’t that disrupted by teething. Normally just the day or two prior to cutting a tooth. If your baby hasn’t ever slept well and is still resisting sleep, it likely isn’t teething.
Colic and gas. Colic can certainly result in some lost sleep as can witching hours. Colic will typically be done by 12 months and won’t affect every nap. In fact, babies with colic often sleep well at night. Comfort baby best you can and make sure and find support for yourself.
Growth spurts. Infants who are going through growth spurts can often become more hungry than before and it can present as sleep issues. If you suspect a growth spurt, then feed baby upon waking from naps and nighttime sleep and, if it’s a growth spurt, it’ll fix itself.
Separation anxiety. Sometimes separation anxiety can affect the wind-down routines and sleep. Read this post for strategies to combat this.
Sleep environment. Make sure the baby’s sleep environment for nap and nighttime is conducive to sleep. Lights down low, white noise, blackout curtains, etc.

Read These While You’re At It

5 Safe Sleep Rules You’re Probably Breaking

6 Baby Products That Help Newborns Sleep Well From The Start

A No-Fuss Guide To Sleep Training (With Printable!)

Baby Bedtime: 4 Essential Elements To Success

Baby Sleep Times: The Ultimate Guide To Naps, Nights, & Sleep

How Long Does a 3 Year Old Nap For? Well… It Depends.

Is Sleep Training A Baby Bad Or Dangerous? Let’s Talk Facts!

Sleep Arrangements For Siblings When You Don’t Want Them To Share

What To Do When Baby Is Feeding Every Hour (& Not Sleeping!)

Is your baby feeding every hour and not napping or sleeping well? Here’s how you can handle when your little one nurses nonstop. The key is determining if your baby is going through a growth spurt, is actually hungry, or is simply too tired to eat well, and then too hungry to sleep well. This post will teach you to get out of the habit of feeding your newborn baby every hour so they never end up napping or sleeping well.

First let me say, mama, that the newborn period can be rough.

You feel like you were a normal human just a few short weeks ago and now, well, you’re a walking milk producer and baby just won’t settle.

You’re exhausted, weary, and ready for your newborn to sleep.

➡️ The good news is this: with a few tweaks you can stop feeding every hour.

Here’s why your baby feeds every hour

If your baby feeds every hour, they are “snacking.”

Snacking means they are drinking enough fore milk (the less nutrient dense milk that lets down first) that they are filled up enough to doze off in mama’s arms.

Or, some babies, will stop feeding after a few minutes and just stare up at you with those Big Newborn Eyes👼.

Either case… baby is snacking instead of taking a full feed.

Read These While You’re At It

A Printable Newborn Feeding Chart That Works Like A Charm

Breastfeeding Schedule By Month — Birth to 1 Year Of Age!

Baby Bedtime: 4 Essential Elements To Success

Baby’s First Year: The Ultimate Month By Month Guide

Is Sleep Training Necessary? No. Also, Yes.

How to get your baby to stop feeding every hour

If you want your baby to take full feeds, the first thing you need to do is get them on a proper newborn breastfeeding schedule.

You aren’t going to become a slave to the clock, but you’re going to stop the snacking.

Instead of cluster feeding on purpose, right now, you’re cluster feeding by accident.

How do you do that?

By only feeding baby every 2.5 to 3 hours and then, at those feeds, giving baby full feeds.

Newborns will naturally only need to feed every 2.5 to 3 hours if they’re taking full feeds each time.

If your baby has a habit of snacking, they will not be the ones to stop it, you’ll have to.

Here’s how to keep baby awake during breastfeeding

When baby feeds for 5 minutes then nods off, you’ll need to swoop in and keep baby awake.

This will help baby get as much milk in as possible and will help them to take better naps.

Rub baby’s cheek
Rub baby’s hands or feet in circular motions
Unswaddle baby (a must if you want to avoid day night confusion)
Use a wipe or wet wash cloth to rub on baby during feeds
Stop feeding and hold baby up, speaking to baby
Take baby outside or somewhere that’s a change of scenery
Make noise, get near siblings, talk to baby
Keep the lights on

Read: Is Sleep Training a Baby Bad or Dangerous? Let’s Talk Facts!

The reason baby doesn’t sleep well when they feed every hour

Your little one will likely not take good daytime naps if they are not taking full feeds.

They aren’t full enough to stay drowsy and asleep as they transition sleep cycles.

When they transition from active to passive sleep (or vice versa) if they aren’t full and are hungry, instead of just continuing the nap, they’ll become fully alert and ready to feed.

And then, because they only took a short nap, when you feed again for 5 to 10 minutes, they’ll be lulled back into a sleep.

➡️ Continuing the cycle of accidental cluster feeding and an overtired baby.

Related Reads:

How to stop the cycle and get on a good routine

The first thing you need to do is to stop baby from snacking every hour.

Encourage full feeds.

If baby is older than 6 weeks and wants to feed after one hour, consider offering a pacifier (we use these stuffed animal ones) instead.

This may help baby get back to sleep for a longer nap, and will mean the next time you feed baby will be hungry enough to eat a full feed.

Do the best you can.

Baby has been in the snacking habit and may resist the change, but eventually you’ll see that you have a far less whiny baby on your hands when they have full tummies and are well rested.

Read: 8 Reasons You’ve Got A Whiny Baby And What To Do About It

How to get your newborn to nap better

After you make sure that baby has full feeds, you’ll want to work on the napping…

I encourage you to read my full post on baby sleep here – Foolproof Baby Sleep Tips — Routines, Habits & Strategies.

@amotherfarfromhome Follow for more tips like this one! #newmommas #momstrugglesbelike #tipsformom #mommingit #sahmom #parentcoach #mommingallday #newbornbabytips ♬ Sunroof – Nicky Youre & dazy

Here is how to approach napping with your baby:

Newborns should only be awake for around 45 to 90 minutes at a time (including feeding!) so your newborn routine and your newborn sleep schedule should have a nap after every single feed.
Don’t rock baby to sleep in your arms and then try to put him in the crib because when he transitions through the sleep cycles he’ll realize he’s not in your arms… and he’ll wake up early.
Establish a basic routine with your baby. You can follow this newborn routine here or modify it slightly.
Put your baby to sleep drowsy but awake.
Establish some wind down routines for your little one prior to nap.
Focus on cluster feeding in the late evening hours which will help baby top up and sleep better throughout the night.
Identify any sleep props your baby has (things that prevent him from transitioning and sleeping well on his own) and replace those with sleep associations.

baby in white onesie doing swaddle weaning

If baby is feeding every hour and not sleeping, comfort yourself with this!

I have worked with thousands of mothers via mentoring and my sleep classes and I want you to know that you’re not alone. Some infants will get on a routine naturally. Others simply will not.

They require more tweaking and testing to make sure both baby AND mama are doing okay in the postpartum period.

Frequent feeding is normal, but you aren’t a victim of it.

If your little one is feeding all the time and not sleeping, then you are likely also not sleeping. And sleep deprivation makes mamas crazy! So a possible solution is to start cluster feeding on purpose, not by accident.

Keep baby awake during feeds, as best as possible, and aim for full feeds. This will naturally lengthen the time between feeds to a more manageable situation. So you aren’t nap trapped 24/7.

Learn settling techniques for baby

If your baby is feeding every hour because he’s hungry, then you’ll feed him! That said, if you give a full feed then baby won’t be hungry every hour. It’s like eating a few blueberries every hour verses eating an acai bowl.

Nobody wants an acai bowl every hour.

If you know baby’s tummy is full, but baby is unsettled, you need some settling techniques up your sleeve that don’t involve feeding. Often moms get frazzled and their nerves are fried in this postpartum season. It’s totally normal.

It also means that when baby gristles, cries, or even seems slightly unsettled… that mom shoves baby on the breast to make the crying stop.

This is an excellent strategy to quiet the cries, thus settle your nerves. Temporarily. But, real comfort for a baby is meeting their present need. A tired baby is comforted by getting to sleep. A hungry baby is comforted by feeding.

A tired baby needs a nap, not necessarily a feeding. Your job is to be calm enough – even amidst some cries – to know the difference.

Recap and FAQ… How to get baby to stop feeding every hour and start sleeping

Why does my baby feed every hour?

Short answer… because you let him. Encourage baby to take full feeds and then baby won’t need to feed sooner than 2.5 or 3 hours between feeds throughout the day.

Perhaps even less at night.

Is ten minutes a full feed?

Probably not.

If baby will feed for ten minutes then nap and wake up to feed around 2.5 hours later, it might be.

My daughter fed no longer than 15 minutes per feed, but she could go 3 hours between feeds so, for her, it was a full feed.

Why does my baby want to breastfeed constantly?

If your baby wants to feed constantly, but never feeds that much, then it’s likely an association between feeding and comfort.

You can create other positive associations by cuddling, singing, rocking, baby massage, and other things that will help you to feel bonded to baby (so you can enjoy baby now!) but not be open for milk business all day.

Is feeding every hour cluster feeding?

Yes and no.

Cluster feeding is generally something a breastfeeding mother does on purpose in the late afternoon early evening period (feeding every 2 hours, say) to help give baby all the nutrients he needs so he will sleep later and longer.

Feeding every hour is more like an accidental cluster feeding and if baby isn’t having full feeds then it’s more like Comfort Nursing, not cluster feeding.

About those growth spurts…

Do babies feed every hour when they are going through a growth spurt?

If your baby is going through a growth spurt they will want to feed more often.

This helps your milk supply increase. It’s how you can know if baby is getting enough milk.

If baby is feeding every hour two and taking these feeds seriously – full feeds – then it’s likely a growth spurt or milk supply issue.

Or if baby is trying to feed every hour or two and only feeding for five minutes here or there, it’s not likely a growth spurt.

Why does my baby nurse for 5 minutes and then cry?

This could be a number of things.

Baby could have reflux or you could have hyper-lactation.

Baby could have uncomfortable gas.

Or baby could have a food sensitivity to something you’ve eaten. If this persists past a few days, I’d go in to the doctor and rule out the above causes.

Milk supply?

Why does my baby always seem hungry and never satisfied?

This could be your milk supply. Here’s how to know if baby is getting enough milk.

Could be that baby is going through a growth spurt which means baby is more hungry.

Baby might be teething and eating is not comfortable so he’s not feeding well and in pain. Try pain management for babies who are going through teething.

Why is my newborn feeding for hours on end?

Short answer: they don’t.

They may stay at the breast for a long time, but that doesn’t mean they are actively feeding.

If your baby will take a pacifier you’ll see that they will also suck at the pacifier while sleeping.

Encourage your baby to be awake for feeds and then, after 30 to 45 minutes, take baby off the breast and let them take a nap in their own crib.

Sources:

A Fast Way To Get Through The 4 Month Sleep Regression

It’s very common for little ones to go through a 4 month sleep regression and, don’t ya worry, I’m here to help. Baby sleep, sleep regressions and sleep training , my oh my!

You are puttering along, enjoying those snuggly soft baby cuddles.

Happy baby is sleeping longer stretches at night. You’re probably even coming out of the “newborn fog” and not having any more witching hours and then BAM….

Baby stops sleeping well.

You wonder what’s going on for a few days, start Googling, and pretty soon realize your little one is smack dab in the middle of the 4 month sleep regression.

This can also happen a tad early or a tad later than 4 months (anywhere from 3 to 5 months depending), but the idea is the same.

So, how do you know if baby is going through the 4 month sleep regression?

4 month old sleeping with blue teddy bear

4-month sleep regression symptoms:

Baby might not have all of these, but still be going through the 4 month regression.

Baby started waking frequently at night
Naps become shorter (often 45 minutes in duration)
Baby is much more fussy, whiny, or angry and acts sleep deprived
Changes occur in feeding patterns
Doesn’t transition through sleep cycles like before (wakes early or halfway through naps) and can’t seem to fall back asleep
Overall, your baby’s sleep patterns have changed for the worse and there’s a marked lack of deep sleep

This is actually pretty common with 4 month old babies.

Babies sleep patterns and biological rhythms, circadian rhythms, and sleep cycles are maturing.

If baby is between 3-5 months and suddenly hit a major rut, it’s likely the 4 month sleep regression.

New night-wakings, even as often as every 1-2 hours, waking up 40 minutes after bedtime, and cat-naps galore are all tell-tale signs. So what the heck is going on?

This means baby is far more likely to wake up between sleep cycles, begin catnapping, and start waking up more frequently at night. They aren’t able to re-settle from one sleep cycle to the next.

And, more importantly, how do you survive?

The 4 -month sleep regression is actually a misnomer. Although it feels like a huge step backwards in sleep, it is actually a developmental milestone that marks a progression in your baby’s brain development.

During this period of sleep disruption, their brains are going from a newborn sleep pattern to an adult-like sleep pattern.

This matters significantly because:

Their circadian rhythm is now very much in-play and in rhythm with the sun, meaning they will need an earlier bedtime now and will likely start waking with the sun;
Biological nap windows become much more important (the optimal times of day for nap sleep)
Their sleep cycle length changes from 4-6 hours to 2-4 hours. They will be spending much more time in light sleep phases.

The last one is probably the most important in terms of the effects on their sleep. A baby that may have been doing a long 6-hour stretch at 3 months might now be waking up every 2 hours.

They will need assistance getting to deeper sleep phases more often. What worked in the newborn stage often quickly becomes unsustainable.

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Sleep Little Lamb (Ages 0-5)

Moms will walk away with a step-by-step sleep plan tailored to their child’s age and needs, designed to improve sleep within 3 days to 2 weeks.

Start Now

The 4 Month Sleep Regression

Before we go any further I think it’s important to chat about some reasons the 4 month sleep regression is worse for some babies than others.

Babies Go Through The 4 Month Sleep Regression Because They’re No Longer So Sleepy

So those early newborn days and weeks are so precious. Baby sleep easily and often and you pretty much feed him and he falls asleep and that’s that.

Around 4 months they are less sleepy, they need more wake time, and they stop falling asleep at the drop of a hat.

If you haven’t taught baby how to sleep on their own without you nursing or rocking them to sleep then this age is where it shows. If you aren’t able to put baby down in their crib drowsy but awake to sleep, they may have trouble getting and staying asleep.

This doesn’t mean what you did was wrong, but that four months and beyond is a different kettle of fish.

mom laughing with her four month old baby

And it takes longer for baby to get into deep sleep than it did when baby was a newborn so your tricks and hoops will now become much more involved.

“To put that in perspective, if you are holding your baby to sleep, you would need to hold her for at least 30 minutes to make sure she’s in deep sleep and then she might wake up 15 minutes later. Sound familiar?” Baby Sleep Site

This is the point in which you’ll want to establish positive sleep associations to replace the current sleep props.

In years past the 4 month sleep regression wasn’t quite as bit of a Thang (although it always has been one) for one reason. Moms started babies on rice cereal at this age.

➡️ So *when* the 4 month regression was related to hunger or growth spurts, this nipped it in the bud.

Now, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends exclusive breastfeeding until 6 months of age (source).

This means if baby is waking early and more frequently and you want to rule out hunger, you can feed more often and build that milk supply up to the necessary levels.

Perhaps baby needs more frequent feeds for a few days or longer feeds at each nursing session. Trial and error should help you get the right amount. And then, in a month or two, when you add solids or purees, you’ll be able to rule out hunger completely.

Follow your pediatrician’s advice, obviously, but be careful not to rule out hunger. If you add in more feeds and are sure baby is full, you can rule out hunger.

Baby Is Taking 45 Minute Naps

If baby used to nap for long stretches, but is now waking after 45 minutes, the first strategy you should run towards is feeding more often.

➡️ One of the major ways the 4 month old sleep regression shows itself is by babies waking up after only 45 minutes.

Assume that baby is hungry and simply feed baby as soon as he wakes. If you keep this up for a day or two and notice your baby doesn’t want to feed at these times, then it’s likely a sleep issue, not a hunger one.

If you keep this up for a day or two and baby seems to lengthen his stretches of sleep instead of continuing with the 45 minute intruder, then you have your answer.

Baby was hungry, your milk supply was low, baby was having a growth spurt, or all of the above.

What To Do When Baby Wakes After 45 Minutes:

Throw out your routine for a few days and feed baby immediately after he wakes. Try to give baby a full feed and not let him fall back asleep while nursing, which can be contributing to sleep props as well as not getting to the more nutritious hind milk.
After the few days are up, determine if baby was actually hungry during those extra feeds. If yes, keep feeding baby until he passes through the growth spurt and your supply catches up to the demand.
If after a few days you see baby wasn’t hungry for those feeds, you know you’re likely dealing with a sleep issue. This means you need to work on teaching baby to go to sleep on their own as their circadian rhythms have changed and they’ll need more support now.
If baby seems to be waking up, but not irritable or fussy, then perhaps baby is getting plenty of catnaps throughout the day, but could take longer naps with a few routine tweaks. This might mean putting baby down to nap 10 or 15 minutes later than normal and seeing if that helps.

mom breastfeeding her four month old baby

Baby Is Waking Frequently At Night

If baby used to sleep much longer stretches at night and has now stopped, hunger is likely the culprit.

I’ve heard said that around the 4 month mark you should move to 4 hourly feedings, but I personally don’t recommend this if you’re nursing because you aren’t able to track exactly how much milk they’re getting and this could make things significantly worse if it’s due to hunger.

However, if baby used to wake up every few hours at night and is now waking up more frequently and needing you to nurse him, rock him, or do something else to get him back to sleep then you’ve likely got a sleep prop on your hands being made worse by shortening sleep cycles at night.

Steps To Take If Baby Is Waking Frequently At Night:

Give full feeds where possible, don’t feed for two minutes then put baby back down. Try to coax baby to take as long a feed as possible.
Make careful note of what is causing baby to wake up. Does baby want something particular to go back to sleep (to be held, fed, etc.). If this is the case, baby has a sleep prop and you’ll need to create a plan to wean baby from that.
Determine exactly what baby is waking for (a feed, to be rocked, to be held, etc.) so you can help ferret out the appropriate solution.
Realize that whatever is happening, you can find a solution, you will find a way, and that both mommy and baby were made to sleep long restorative stretches. You can get there.

How to beat the regression (summary)

Give baby full feeds.
Have an age appropriate daily routine.
Cluster feed in the early evening when milk supplies are low.
Help baby transition through sleep cycles with settling strategies appropriate to their age and personality.
Help soothe baby to avoid over tiredness.
Feed as often as baby wants, always focusing on full feeds.
Begin working on independent sleep routines.

Boundaries & Behavior

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Goodnight Bedtime Battles

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Is the regression a growth spurt?

Some parents are tempted to think that the frequent wake-ups are because of a growth spurt, so they start feeding at every wake-up. But this unfortunately only reinforces the problem as your baby is likely using those feeds to get himself back to sleep, rather than for nourishment.

Although a growth-spurt can cause an extra wake-up overnight, it will not cause the need to eat every 2 hours (for a healthy, normal sized 4-month old).

You can rule out a growth spurt as the cause of the 4 month regression by feeding more often for a few days. If it resolves the issue, it was a growth spurt.

Why is the regression worse for some babies than others?

There are certain things that can make the regression worse – a baby who is already overtired from short naps or a too-late bedtime, will often hit the regression hard.

Also, a baby who is not on any sort of schedule and has a lot of sleep props (must be bounced/rocked/nursed to sleep, etc.) will also often have the hardest time during the regression.

Can you prevent the 4-month regression?

No, it’s not possible for baby to skip this developmental stage, but there are certain steps you can take to help minimize the negative effects on sleep.

Establish healthy sleep hygiene before it hits. This means following age-appropriate wake-times, a consistent nap and bedtime routine, and an optimal sleep environment.

Encourage a healthy schedule. Even during the newborn stage, you can start following a flexible schedule for sleep and feeding, that includes full feeds, age-appropriate wake-times, and as they get older, an earlier bedtime.

Work towards independent sleep. Give your baby opportunities each day to work a little bit on self-settling. This means not responding to them the second they wake-up and fuss if it’s not time for a feed- give them 5 minutes to see if they’ll resettle.

This is a great time to start sleep training.

How long does the 4 month regression last?

It’s different for every baby, but it will usually pass within 2-4 weeks. If your baby’s sleep is still disrupted after several weeks, you can safely assume it is not still the regression.

More likely something else is off in the daily routine. But you don’t have to wait 4 weeks to start implementing positive changes. In fact, implementing positive sleep changes now will help them pass through the regression much more quickly.

FAQs about regressions

Does the 4 month sleep regression happen to every baby?

Every baby’s circadian and biological rhythms begin to mature around this time, but not every baby has severe sleep disruptions. Some may simply “wake up” more.

How long does the 4 month sleep regression last?

This really depends on whether baby has self-soothing skills and what methods you use to teach baby these skills. All babies’ brains are changing around this time regards to sleep, and helping baby learn new sleep habits makes it pass faster.

How long can a 4 month old go between feedings?

Breastfed babies are typically going between 3 to 4 hours during the day at this point. Some babies can sleep longer stretches at night.

How can I get my 4 month old to self-soothe?

You can teach independent sleep skills in a variety of ways. Using wind-down routines and avoiding overtiredness will mean you can put baby down drowsy but awake and help them learn to drift off to sleep on their own.

Does the 4 month sleep regression affect naps?

Yes, it can shorten the naps to 45 minutes when they were previously longer. This is typically because babies transition through their sleep cycles and – if they aren’t used to re-settling on their own – they wake up! This is why teaching self-soothing skills helps.

When will my baby’s sleep improve after the 4-month regression?

If your baby is still struggling with sleep after 2-4 weeks, the regression probably isn’t causing the issue anymore. Around this age, new sleep habits (like self-soothing) are needed because sleep cycles change. If your baby’s sleep problems persist, it could be a good time to start sleep training.

Should I change my baby’s sleep routine during the regression?

If you haven’t established wind down routines for bedtime and naps, wake windows, and getting full feeds, all of these things will help your baby through the 4 month sleep regression.

Regressions

Routines To Cut Through The Crazy

Routines To Cut Through The Crazy

The Night Light Did NOT Help My Toddler With Being Afraid of the Dark

The Reason Night Lights Alone Don’t Work

Fear sets in before the light can work…

Here are some top rated night lights that you can use to help you toddler afraid of the dark:

The Trick to Help Toddlers Afraid of the Dark

Routines To Cut Through The Crazy

How To Make It Happen

Follow these steps for dark adaptation…

Common 2 Year Old Sleep Regression Reasons

2 Year Olds Act Like They Want To Stop Napping

Don’t Move Them To A Toddler Bed Just Yet… 2-Year-Olds Often Aren’t Ready

Many mothers move their toddlers to a toddler bed super early and these are common results…

2 Year Olds Take Forever To Fall Asleep

CHECKLIST: 2 Year Old Sleep Regression

2 Year Olds Can Have Bedtime Anxiety

Phrases like the following do not help alleviate anxiety, so don’t bother with them.

Phrases That’ll Help Your Toddler Relax

Toddler regressions happen due to teething

One Common Reason Your 2 Year Old Is Not Napping (A Major 2 Year Old Sleep Regression Complaint!)

CHECKLIST: 2 Year Old Sleep Regression

Here’s what to do when your toddler is fighting sleep…

How To Get Through A 2-Year-Old Sleep Regression

There’s more…

CHECKLIST: 2 Year Old Sleep Regression

How to avoid bedtime battles with your little ones

Avoid Second Winds At Bedtime

Why do kids fight bedtime?

So your job is three fold.

Avoid Second Winds At Bedtime

First, determine if it’s a sleep problem or a behavior problem

Sleep problems include:

Avoid Second Winds At Bedtime

Behavior issues include:

Are you trying to put your little one down during their “second wind?”

Avoid Second Winds At Bedtime

Specific strategies to avoid bedtime battles, power struggles, and meltdowns

Start bedtime earlier

Include stalling requests in the routine

Make your bedtime routine and schedule a WALL

Avoid Second Winds At Bedtime

Set your child up for success

Here’s how you can set your child’s bedtime routine up for success and avoid bedtime battles:

Avoid Second Winds At Bedtime

FAQs

It’s rough when your baby won’t sleep

Top 10 Reasons Your Baby Won’t Sleep

Your baby can’t sleep because she’s overtired

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Baby is overstimulated

Baby can’t sleep because there’s no routine

Baby is awake too long before napping and then won’t go down at naptime

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Baby has a sleep prop and can’t sleep without it

Baby has a physical or medical discomfort

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Babe can’t transition from active to passive sleep alone

Baby won’t sleep because he doesn’t eat enough solids

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Your little one is too hot or cold

Baby can’t sleep because she’s having a growth spurt or wonder week

Additional Reasons That Prevent Babies Sleeping Well

Here’s why your baby feeds every hour

How to get your baby to stop feeding every hour

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

How do you do that?

Here’s how to keep baby awake during breastfeeding

The reason baby doesn’t sleep well when they feed every hour

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

How to stop the cycle and get on a good routine

How to get your newborn to nap better

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Here is how to approach napping with your baby:

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

If baby is feeding every hour and not sleeping, comfort yourself with this!

Frequent feeding is normal, but you aren’t a victim of it.

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Learn settling techniques for baby