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7 Questions To Ask When Posting Kid Photos On Social Media

Wonder how much of your children to show on social media? Use these questions to get your wheels turning so you can make your own choices.

I remember, around 15 years ago, reading an article from a San Francisco newspaper while on vacation with my mom.

In the newspaper there was a story about a girl who got a college scholarship for basketball to a prestigious school and then…because of a partying photo on her MySpace profile , she got her scholarship revoked.

This stuck with me.

I’m writing this post knowing it’ll strike a chord and perhaps people will send me hate mail (what’s new?) and all that jazz.

But…

Truthfully…

I think it’s important.

A while back in some type of self-help book I read about a kind of decision that’s familiar to many of us. It’s called this.

A creeping non-decision

A creeping non-decision is when you make a decision… because you didn’t make a decision. You let whatever happens, happen.

It denotes a lack of intentionality and purpose.

I think we should avoid this.

I’d like to talk about the amount we share about our children online.

What exactly we share about them online.

How much we share about them online.

And how it’s probably important to make some type of decision about how we’re going to filter what we share.

Now, you’re probably thinking…

“But, um, Rachel, you have a website in which you share about your family.”

Yes, I do.

And I share photos of my kids on Instagram and I love a good family profile picture update as good as the next person.

In fact, I don’t have a plan to keep my kids’ faces off the internet. I post funny quotes or happy and memorable moments.

So you see, I’m not an extremist.

That said, increasingly I feel it’s important we steward our children’s private lives (especially the ones too little to have their own social media) with wisdom and care.

Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Post Photos Of Your Children On Social Media

If you think through these concepts and talk about them with your spouse, you will likely discover what your boundaries are around this issue.

❔ Is This The Truman Show Effect?

Remember that movie the Truman Show?

It was filmed in my county actually, so I know it well.

One day, as a grown man, Truman discovers that his entire life had been broadcast to millions of people via a TV show without his knowledge.

The public knew the details and nuances of his life. Things he didn’t give permission to be shared. People all over just… knew things.

And they felt like they knew him.

But he had never met them.

Question: Are we sharing such deep information about our children that others- basically Stranger Acquaintances on Facebook or Instagram – think they know our kids in detail?

Thought: Would you feel exposed if others knew all manner of things about you that you hadn’t actually shared with them?

❔Are There Naked Body Parts?

If you think a photo might be too revealing, imagine that same photo with an adult in it instead of a child.

If it seems a bit risque, take a pass.

I am sure I’ve posted some baby bottom pictures here and there because they are precious photos, but my stance on this has gradually changed.

Particularly because the research coming out is shocking. There are entire pedophile rings that stalk certain keywords on social media to get photos. Then they distribute them.

I wish I was joking, but I am serious.

If you don’t believe me, ask your local law enforcement, and don’t send me hate mail until you hear back from them and they tell you I’m right.

Question: Does this picture show my children’s private parts or elude to the privates?

Thought: Is there a reason why I want / feel the need to share this particular photo if my child isn’t fully dressed? Could another photo express the same sentiment?

Note: I’m not talking bathing suits here, kay, don’t send me hate mail.

❔ Will Your Kid Remember This?

It’s a trend now to give your baby his or her own Instagram handle so they’ll have it in the future.

I’ve also heard this about email which I feel is different since that’s private.

There is no hard or fast rule here, as with most of life.

And yet, do you think it’d be odd if – one random day – your mama showed you a social media account with thousands of YOUR PHOTOS from memories YOU DO NOT HAVE because you were too little?

And then said that thousands (or tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands) of people follow your life?

That you don’t know?

Who you’ve never met?

Will your child feel that strangers know more about their life and history than they do based on their own brain development and current ability to store and retrieve memories?

Question: Where do you and your spouse or family members want to draw the line when sharing information about your children?

Thought: Is this simply a precious moment I want to share, or am I trying to tell a deeper story about the private life of my child that might better be kept in the family?

Another Thought: In 15 years, will my child think it’s weird I tried to build a following for them sharing memories they don’t have?

❔ Will This Embarrass Them In 20 Years?

We all know the baby in the bathtub stories the family brings out to show our high school or college boyfriends.

And we were sorta embarrassed, but not really because it was a rite of passage.

Well, now these aren’t in the family photo album (in the family home) being shown to friends.

They are broadcast on public platforms to complete strangers and accessible at the click of a mouse or the swipe of a finger to anyone.

Question: Is this something that might embarrass a more reserved or shy person? if so, give it a pass. Your child may grow up to be reserved and find a photo of them with no pants on potty training to be deeply humiliating.

Thought: Why do I feel the need to share this? Can I share this story or sentiment without naming a particular child or showing photo evidence?

❔ Is This Something A Psychologist Would Have To Keep Secret?

If a psychologist or psychiatrist would be required by law to keep this information private… maybe we shouldn’t share it about our kids.

If a lawyer would be required to keep this information privileged… maybe we shouldn’t share it about our kids.

If a doctor would be unable to share this medical information or diagnosis with the public, then we maybe we shouldn’t be sharing it ourselves without our kids’ permission.

And their permission only really counts if they are old enough and mature enough to understand what they are giving permission for.

And I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT GROUPS created for prayer and support. That has its place and has been shown to be extremely helpful, encouraging, and a way to get practical needs met.

I’m talking about journaling our children’s mental health problems in a way that might make them uncomfortable in the future.

Or if they, for example, want to run for office.

❔ What if your child wants to run for President?

Yes, I know this is a long shot and an extreme to draw out my point.

Yet, it’s important to think about what we share about our children in terms of their adult life.

Would they want the world to know about their learning disability?
Would they like their future bosses to know they had to repeat a grade?
Would they want the world wide inter-webs to know about their mental health struggles?

Obviously, it’s a long shot your child will run for office. And who knows, in 30 years, it may not matter a bit since our privacy is eroded daily as we speak.

Yet reputation is a concept that has always been around and will always be around.

Question: Does this information or photograph of my child in any way sully their reputation? (I’m not asking if it SHOULD sully their reputation, but if it MIGHT).

❔ What do the higher ups do?

There are lots of posts going around about how people (um, inventors) like Steve Jobs don’t let their children on tablets.

The people inventing these technologies shield their own children from them.

But that’s another post for someone else to write.

Celebrities rarely share information or photographs of their children. Elite politicians and powerful CEOs keep their own children protected from the limelight and spotlight as a general rule.

We have to ask ourselves… what do they know that we don’t?

I’m not saying pretend you’re someone famous… but maybe I am.

Question: If celebrities and those used to the spotlight think it’s preferable to protect their own children… why do we think it’s preferable to create celebrities OUT OF our children?

So Basically…

There’s no right or wrong. Boundaries will differ for each person. And your own spouse’s boundaries may differ from your own.

That also gets hairy.

Look the fact is, it’s our life too and sometimes we’ll share photos or experiences of ourselves that our children are in.

Fine.

Of course.

This is normal.

I’m not saying to stop sharing all photos of kids. I have no plans to do this. I’m not saying to stop sharing cute stories or memorable moments as a family.

That isn’t the world we live in.

What I AM saying is that it’s important each of us make actual decisions about how we will steward our children’s private lives.

Not “creeping non-decisions” our children may hold us accountable for later.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Parenting in Hard Times

Parenting through a crisis feels heavy—but you don’t have to do it alone. This workshop gives you a clear plan to bring stability, emotional safety, and strength to your family when life gets shaky. Because in hard times, your kids need a steady, loving guide.

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One Thing You Should Do (Over and Over) For Good Behavior

We all want our kids to be free, secure, and well-mannered. We know they’ll push the envelope and test our resolve. Some days we’ll “have it all together” and some days we’ll become angry moms, but this post will help .

My husband and I just looked at one another with resigned faces.

“What on earth is going on?” type of expressions.

In the remaining weeks of my 5th pregnancy, things had just started to go to pot.

Kids weren’t doing what we said and we weren’t quite sure how to make the kids listen since we weren’t quite sure when we’d stopped. It was those pesky Alien Replacement Kids that come around, every so often, when our own well behaved and stable kids are abducted and held captive.

We needed to crack down.

We needed to hold firm.

We needed to remember they are, after all, only little.

But as I laid in bed that evening, the missing piece of the puzzle came to me. The thing I’d gotten out of the habit of doing. Something that children – particularly toddlers and preschoolers – needed.

All the time.

Over and over.

➡️ They need frequent reminders of our expectations.

I’d already experienced what it was like when I stopped praising my children, but now I was experiencing what it was like when I’d stopped holding up the expectations clearly. This was, I hoped, a relatively easy fix.

As it turns out… it works wonders.

Read: 5 Handy Things Mothers of Preschoolers Should Know

Repeat Over and Over For Better Behavior

You want to communicate your expectations to your child until they’re so confident they know them that they get a little smug.

Our Restaurant Spiel

We go out to eat a lot as a family. Taking 5 kids, aged 7 and under to a restaurant can be horrifying.

To everyone else in the restaurant.

Not because my kids are out of control, but because it’s a shocking sight for bystanders. But I digress… I also tip well because #lotsofcrumbs.

ANYWAY… nearly every time we get out of the car to go inside a restaurant I repeat the same few phrases over and over. I even adopt an exaggerated Reminder Tone and it goes something like this.

“Okay, kids, y’all know what we do and don’t do in restaurants, RIGHTTTT? No standing in chairs, no crawling under the tables, no walking around the table, no crying, no whining, no….”

And about this time all the kids start acting Fake Annoyed and say things like, “We KNOW, mom, come on!”

?????

This is where you wanna be. This means they’re so used to these expectations that – most of the time – you’ll only have to reference them while inside and they immediately keep the rules.

1. Decide what exactly it is you expect from them at given times

Here’s a scenario from a few years ago.

As we were eating dinner one night, 2 out of 3 kids were twisting around on their bar stools. They had a toy or two near their plate (which they were fighting over) and were being silly. I actually want dinnertime to be a place of fun and laughs, but they were getting wild and out of control.

I felt like I kept saying, “Stop twisting! Stop twisting!” over and over.

I realized, I’d never said I expected them to sit facing forward and to put all toys at a neutral point until after dinner. I didn’t have a firm boundary on this and it showed. I needed to decide what I expected them to do, and then to communicate it often enough that it was enforceable.

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Discipline with Dignity

Discipline shouldn’t feel like a battle or a shot in the dark. This workshop gives you a clear, balanced plan for setting boundaries that build respect and responsibility—without yelling, harsh punishments, or constant power struggles.

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(Dinner time shenanigans. #5 keeps the other kids in stitches)

2. Be clear about expectations BEFORE they’re needed

Instead of waiting until our children do something we don’t like to explain our expectations, make them clear beforehand.

Before the meal starts I’ll say, “Feet facing forward.“
Before the kids go outside to ride bikes I’ll say, “Stay on the lower driveway.“
Before we watch cartoons I’ll say, “We’re only watching one, are we going to cry when I turn it off?”

Preparing your kids for what’s next is a big way to cut down power struggles and undesired behavior. And at the least, you can reference the rule afterwards so it doesn’t come as a surprise to the child.

Children don’t love surprises unless it’s a happy one. Like an animal.

3. Ask them to repeat back to you

When I’ve asked my kids to do something that is more than 2 things in a row – for example, “Go to your room, pick up your toys, put on your pajamas,” I’ll ask them to repeat it back to me.

This helps them internalize your request as well as remember it. Toddlers don’t have long short-term memories and this helps get them involved and “own” the task at hand.

One phrase I use and love is, “Yes, mommy.” After you’ve asked your kids to do something and you know they understand, have them say “yes, mom” or some equivalent. It might sound a bit hokey pokey to you, but it really works.

When kids tell you they’ll do something, they are far more likely to do it.

And if they don’t want to do it, they won’t agree to it. This helps dig deeper into what’s going on.

Boundaries & Behavior

Loving Authority

Being in charge doesn’t mean being harsh or heavy-handed—it means being steady, clear, and confident. This workshop will help you understand what healthy authority really looks like. When you know how to show up as a secure, grounded leader, your kids feel safe, and everyone starts listening.

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4. It makes you proactive instead of reactive

By repeating your expectations over and over and over again you become proactive in your interactions and activities with the kids.

You are “on top” of things, so to speak. Or, as they say in some homeschooling circles, you’re “holding the space.”

Explaining our expectations (ad nauseum, it will seem to us) provides security to children. Lack of boundaries is a root cause of insecurity and expectations = boundaries.

Children feel secure knowing what you expect. Even if they don’t give a rip what you expect and do their own thing, there is still security in knowing the rule. And knowing what happens when the rule is broken.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.

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5. It curbs some “wise in their own eyes” behaviors

I’ve found my children’s “wise in their own eyes” phases come when I’ve been lax in explaining my expectations and lazy in holding my own boundaries.

A while ago, I was chatting with a neighbor who told me a funny story.

It was funny TO HER.

She drove by our (old) house and saw one of my boys with his pants at his ankles.

Peeing.

Right there in the front yard.

I want to continue with this story, but what else is there to say?”

As the weather had warmed up I’d been happy to let the kids go outside. All the time.

As much as they wanted.

However, I hadn’t explained to them that they shouldn’t pee in the yard in plain view of every car that drove by.

Find a tree, kids!

(Don’t worry, no one is peeing here)

Shortly after that, while Huge and Pregnant and Frazzled, I fully realized I’d failed in the expectation department. Their “wise in their own eyes” behaviors were because I hadn’t given them wiser alternatives.

Explaining our expectations… again and again and again… is a hugely helpful parenting tool.

Some of our expectations won’t change and some will, but our job as parents is to teach our children what we expect in our home and help them to achieve this.

Repeat expectations.

Even when you think it’s unnecessary.

Until those rules become second nature.

A Brilliant Tip for Moms Of Littles to Follow… The 10-Year-Rule

We moms can get so bogged down with rules that it’s hard to know what is what. Here is one rule you should focus on.

I’ll never forget the day.

It was a day like any other… except… well…

Except my (newly) 3 year old had taken off his dirty diaper and wiped poop all over the walls.

And the floors.

And his bed.

And himself.

I nearly died. I might have laughed except it was the second time he had done it.

That week.

I was at a loss… I mean… doesn’t he know that’s disgusting? Isn’t he aware that poop smells and one does not want their room to be covered in it?

Read: Toddler Behavior Stressing You Out? Reset With These Simple Tips

All manner of consequences went through my head. How could we impress upon him this was a bad behavior?

Thankfully, my husband cleaned it up. He’s more meticulous than I am and I was busy taking his actions personally and trying to determine where I’d gone wrong as a mom. I got down on my knees, made eye contact with my beloved destroyer, and told him not to do that again.

And he never did.

The End.

(Note: Some have said legitimately that a 3 year old who did this could be potty trained so to clarify, he 3 year old was potty trained by day but still wore pull-up by night…the above event happened one morning)

Inside, without knowing why, I’d adopted the principle of what others now call…

The Ten Year Rule.

When your child misbehaves, ask yourself this question….

Will they still be doing this in 10 years?

If the answer is no and it feels right, pull an Elsa and let it go.

Read: The Crucial Elements of a Rock-Solid Toddler Schedule

The 10 Year Rule

While listening to the God Centered Podcast a month ago, I stumbled onto this concept coined by author Karis Murray in the book Grace Based Discipline.

➡️ If your kids aren’t likely to be doing this behavior (or its intensified cousin) in 10 years, then don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.

Don’t create angst, a breach in relationship, or unnecessary power struggles over something that is age related and not a value or moral issue.

Read: Is Your 1-Year-Old Wearing You Out? Try These Simple Activities

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Discipline with Dignity

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So how does this play out in real life?

➡️ In 10 years, will they still be doing this?

Kids are not adults.

They are often doing childish things, not foolish things. They don’t know high from low or in between and it’s our job to teach them.

We do this by providing a foundation of love and acceptance and teaching our kids the family boundaries.

So when you feel tempted to fly off the handle, become an angry mom, or feel like a failure, ask yourself these types of questions.

Is this behavior something you see many 12 year olds doing?
Is my child acting this way because they are tired, irritable, or otherwise off kilter?
Is this behavior something that could grow and morph into something that’s reallllly not good?
Do I need to dig deeper here and see what was going on underneath the surface?
Can I let this go? Does it *really* bother me? If so, why?

If you think some of your children’s misbehaviors aren’t really that big of a deal, give yourself permission to let it go. You will absolutely know when, deep down, you don’t think something is okay.

Sure, you will need to instruct, coach, and keep appropriate boundaries within your home, but you can relax knowing some behaviors are not hills you’re willing to die on.

Read: The Tried-And-True 1 Year Old Sleep Schedule

In 10 Years Will This Behavior Have Escalated?

On the other hand, there are some behaviors that we want to nip in the bud as quickly as possible. We don’t want our children to continue these habits or – worse – to develop more severe behaviors because we didn’t intervene.

Here are some behaviors you’ll likely want to address.

These are behaviors that are worth the effort it may take to help work through them with your child.

Remember, you are always on your child’s side.

Some of these behaviors may include:

lying
stealing
biting
hitting
outright defiance
backtalk (difference between stating opinion and backtalk)
“sneakiness”

There will be others. We want to give our children the benefit of the doubt, but when we can no longer deny that our kids are exhibiting behaviors that are likely to get worse as they get older, we must step in.

Research has shown self-control to be a predictor of future success.

This is because it’s the same self-control a 5-year-old exhibits when completing a chore before moving on that will help him complete his work as an adult.

Sure, it morphs and changes and grows, but self-control is something that comes with maturity, practice, and time.

There are a lot of behaviors we mothers don’t like that result from a lack of self-control as well.

Building Self-Control

Notice when your child is exhibiting self-control and point it out. “You didn’t hit your brother even though he made you mad, that shows self-control.” This will be particularly effective if their previous impulse would have been to strike.
If your child routinely cannot stop themselves from breaking a family rule, then consider some type of scaffolding to help. Create specific rules and consequences that will help your child build their self-control in this area.
Dig deeper. In a recent book I read it said that no one really “acts crazy.” If we think someone is acting crazy, it means we are missing some vital information. Dig deeper.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Start Now

In 10 Years Will We Laugh About This?

In my humble opinion, one of the best tools in a mama’s toolbox is a sense of humor. You can laugh, cry, or rage.

Sometimes laughing makes it seem better.

This is my personal favorite way to handle confusing motherhood situations. No, I don’t laugh when kids break the rules. But I DO laugh when their behavior reminds me of my favorite comic from childhood… Calvin and Hobbes.

If you think the behavior is something that is a tad mischievous, but childish… laugh and move on.

If your child doesn’t know better and isn’t trying to hurt anyone, but does something a bit borderline or annoying, correct and move on. Try to see the cuteness in it and go about your day.

About that diaper incident…

Remember my son who rubbed his diaper on the wall?

Well, it got worse before it got better.

A few days after the poop events, he was supposed to be having rest time / quiet time in his room. I happened to see him tiptoeing out of the bathroom with some toothpaste tubes to eat.

I calmly told him to go back into his room because rest time wasn’t over yet.

Boundaries & Behavior

Loving Authority

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This is a well known routine they’ve had since forever, don’t send me hate mail.

A while later when rest time was over, I went to get him. There by the door I saw a puddle on the floor.

“Son,” I said in mild shock, “you peed on the floor.”

With a genuinely innocent look on his face, my son calmly replied, “I didn’t pee pee on the floor. I peed on the door and it fell on the floor because you told me to stay in here.”

Let’s hope that’s still not happening in 10 years…

How To Live Within Your Limits And Hold Your Boundaries

I’ve already talked about healthy boundaries in motherhood, so this post will go into how to actually keep those boundaries.

Fridays are not for me.

When I was younger, Fridays were like So Fun and Exciting and, “Oh dear, oh my, whatever would I get into?“

Now, Fridays come… and I’m So Done and Over It.

I get into nothing except bad moods and funks.

Last week I realized, I hit my limit by Friday. My limit of only being around kids, not being around adults, and be completely in charge of all kid supervision. 4 full days of it without much reprieve is my limit. If I want to be a mother who is coping well and in charge of herself without resorting to yelling at the drop of a hat… I’ve got to be purposeful.

I’ve got to note my limit and guard it.

How To Live Within Your Limits & Hold Your Boundaries

Ultimately, no one else will help us figure out our limits or boundaries. No one is going to show up on a white horse and give us back our mental health or help us guard it. This hard work is our own to do.

So how do we do it? Let’s dive in!

Accept Your Boundaries & Limits As They Are

It’s very important that we don’t fool ourselves with our limits and boundaries.

Boundaries and limits are not what we WISH were true, they are what is ALREADY true.

I wish:

I could survive on 5 hours of sleep.
I didn’t care if the house was a mess.
I was gentle and patient regardless of how I am feeling.

In reality:

I need a minimum of 8 hours of sleep.
I Absolutely Cannot Stand a messy house.
I am short tempered and irritable when I feel stressed, overwhelmed, or tired.

So you see…. we can’t live as though our wishes are our reality. I must be wise and accept my limits and boundaries as they already are.

Read: Mom Burnout… A Hard But Freeing Truth

Create Routines That Reflect Your Limits

An easy way to protect your limits is to create routines.

If you know what your limits are, you can create daily, weekly, monthly, or even yearly routines that’ll help you remain healthily within your limits. Sure, sometimes life happens, but if you regularly protect your limits, before you know it…

Life is not nearly so stressful.

How might this look in real life? Let’s take my limit as an example.

By Friday, I am over it. I have no patience, no margin, and no tolerance for anything.

I can protect my limits through regular routines. A few I’m currently implementing (or considering) are these:

Friday morning workouts in town with friends. This gives me my extrovert kick and feel good hormones.
Fun Friday traditions outside the house like field trips, going to the park, etc. By the end of the week I’ve been at home all day every day with the kids doing school, life, work, etc. I can plan to do something fun and out of the normal.
Thursday evening alone time. I’ve been discussing with my husband if I might do something regularly on Thursday evenings that refresh and revive me.
Awareness and prayer. Being aware of this limit is often enough to help stop me from overreacting or doing / saying things I regret.

Read: Mom Morning Routines That Bring Sanity & Order To Your Days

Create Rules That Reflect Your Boundaries

With boundaries – or fences that say “You’ve come this far, but you can come no further” – you’ll want to create Rules that reflect and protect these.

You can’t expect your kids to know what does and does not drive you crazy inside. Actually, based on what makes you yell or cry or freak out… they probably have a good idea already.

In order to live sanely, you have to make your boundaries walls, then make rules to protect these walls.

Note: some of your boundaries might be rules… e.g. no hitting is both a boundary and a rule.

Read: The Ultimate Guide To Having A Mother’s Helper You’ll Love

Examples of Rules Relating To Boundaries

➡️ Boundary: You think people should clean up their own messes.

➡️ Rule: People don’t leave messes for others to pick up. Everyone cleans their own room and helps clear common areas.

➡️ Boundary: You want regular time with your spouse nightly.

➡️ Rule: The kids must be in bed by 8:30 p.m. at the latest.

➡️ Boundary: You don’t like disrespectful backtalk.

➡️ Rule: The kids can share their thoughts and feelings without an “attitude” or disrespectful tone.

Read: A No Drama Approach To Your Child’s Behavior Problems

Know It’s YOUR JOB To Hold These, Not Everyone Else’s

This is very important.

It’s a really really good principle to grab hold of. You will be amazed how much more in control of our own life you feel when you really get this deep down.

We can’t expect others to naturally respect or consider our boundaries or limits… we must protect and hold them ourselves.

It’s not anyone else’s job to know our limits and stop us before we go Over The Edge. IF ONLY! This is both relieving and discouraging. It’s great because it means if we protect our limits then we’ll lose the stress. It’s discouraging because it means we may have to disappoint others and step on toes.

Read: My “Daily Escape” to a Quiet Place & Why It’s Necessary

It simply can’t be avoided.

Read These While You’re At It

What This Looks Like:

Purposeful Family Rhythms | Your own family life can’t be unsustainable or super stressful to you. You are the one who is supposed to direct the flow of the family. Your limits and the limits of your spouse must take precedent to daily, weekly, monthly, yearly activities, etc.
Rules That Reflect Our Values | If your kids are habitually behaving in ways that go against your deep values and boundaries you will be extremely distraught, stressed, bitter, and angry. There is hope! You can’t control everything your child does, but you can create rules with built in consequences that help your children learn to succeed in doing what you expect of them.

You Realizing Others Don’t Care As Much As You Do | We can’t just set rules and forget about them. The truth is our KIDS will forget about them unless the rules are walls and we are actively enforcing them. If we expect others to obsess over our rules we will be disappointed and angry a lot. Instead, we just need to swoop in when necessary to keep that boundary respected.
Saying “No” And Disappointing Others | There will be plenty of times you must choose between living within your limits and pleasing others. You’ll know inside if you’re acting selflessly or just trying to avoid conflict or disappointment.

This isn’t easy, far from it, but when you start feeling the relief and peace that comes from living within your limits and holding firm on your boundaries, you won’t go back!

5 Non-Negotiable Newborn Baby Needs (And 1 For Mom!)

Lucky for you, the list of newborn baby needs is not long. Look no further and then go and enjoy your baby.

This post is not going to tell you to buy tons of expensive baby gear.

I’m not going to say you need a baby wipe warmer because… the thing is… you don’t.

So many moms spend the months leading up to delivery worrying about what to BUY instead of worrying about what to DO when you get home with the baby.

All the best baby gear in the world won’t help baby be content and sleep well. Only healthy habits will.

So without further ado and me telling you that THESE FIVE THINGS are really the most important (because they are) let’s go.

Non-Negotiable Newborn Baby Needs

Here we go. You might want to take notes. Actually, you don’t need to take notes because you can go here to my Ultimate Newborn Guide and print that out!

Touch and Affection

So first off, your baby needs lots of cuddles, skin to skin time, and affection. It helps their brains develop, forms a bond, and gives baby a sense of safety.

You don’t have to wear baby all day long to get this. Between feeds, between naps, and during feeding are all times you can and will be holding baby.

In those first few weeks you may want to wear baby quite a bit during the day, but unless you plan on continuing this for a year, you may consider putting baby down for naps in their own space by around 6 weeks.

Related Reads:

Sleep, Sleep, And More Sleep

For about 1,346,464 reasons, sleep needs to be a primary concern in these early weeks. If baby is overtired baby they’ll be fussy, irritable, and difficult to settle.

Here is a common scenario with moms of newborns.

You bring baby home from the hospital and he falls asleep all the time on his own. You hold him a lot because – duh – you love him and he’s squishy.

Soon he develops a habit of sleeping in your arms.

At first, this is cute. Then your husband goes back to work and you’re on your own. You realize that you basically can’t do any of the things you need to do if you want baby to sleep. You find baby to be fussy and irritable so – because he’s crying – you assume he’s hungry.

Now, every time baby cries you feed him because why else would he cry? He takes short naps – while you are sitting or carrying him – and this means you can’t get anything done. Baby fights sleep constantly and you are reciting mantras about how it’s only for a season and it’ll pass and all that.

Soon, baby will only sleep if you feed him to sleep and, even then, the naps aren’t great. He’s up frequently at night and you feel like you’re cluster feeding around the clock. You are freaking tired and hormonal and kinda depressed and guilty and ashamed of it all.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5

Sleep Little Lamb (Ages 0-5)

Moms will walk away with a step-by-step sleep plan tailored to their child’s age and needs, designed to improve sleep within 3 days to 2 weeks.

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Routine, Routine, And More Routine

The best way to get baby to sleep well and be happy and sweet and you rest well and be content and excited?

Routine.

Baby needs a routine and you need a routine that fits around the baby’s routine.

You don’t have to be ruled by the clock or have such a rigid routine you are miserable. But the fact is, having a routine will result in such a pleasant baby, that you will end up liking it.

That’s the truth. You’ll see a baby that sleeps well and you’ll not be a tired mom and, come hell or high water, you’ll keep that routine.

Read: 35+ printable routines for babies aged 6 weeks to 5 years!

Things that do well with a routine:

Wake times | You can choose your baby’s wake time by doing this
Nap times | Use this sample newborn routine or this 3 to 6 month routine to start

newborn baby must haves newborn baby needs

Feeding times | Here’s a printable newborn feeding chart. Your baby’s metabolism will more or less set to the times you feed so you’ll know exactly what baby needs because you’ll be able to predict when they are truly hungry
Bed time | There is a such thing as too late of a bedtime. Babies don’t sleep well if they’re overtired so choose a bedtime that allows baby to get restorative sleep before the dreamfeed.

Read: What To Do When Baby Is Feeding Every Hour (& Not Sleeping!)

A Mom Who Is Okay

The truth is: your baby needs you to be okay.

That is not to say you should feel guilty that you aren’t okay. It is to say that it’s okay to do the things that keep you okay. This is called guarding your heart and your boundaries. You have limits and you should not martyr yourself.

Here are some things that keep you okay:

Sleep | You will be up for nightly feedings for a while, but you shouldn’t be up cluster feeding every hour all night. If you are, baby is snacking, you’re outta milk, or baby has sleep props.
Recharge Time | This will be different depending on whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, but either way, figure yourself out. (go here to find out your own personality’s particular struggles)

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Weary To Well

This 10-day reset will help you uncover what’s wearing you down (spoiler: it’s not just lack of sleep), set boundaries without guilt, and finally create space to breathe again. Because burnout isn’t your personality—it’s a signal things need to change.

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Stability | One of the biggest struggles of new mothers is the upheaval that comes from a new baby. You’d not trade it for the world, but all the changes can take their toll on a mom. Routine (for you and baby) will help you weather the changes without losing your sanity.
Support | Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Don’t feel silly saying you’re bluesy or worn out or need help. Get in touch with what you want and need and don’t martyr yourself by trying to do everything on your own if you don’t have to.

Oh, And A Swaddle

If you’re in the hospital right now then please, swaddle baby from day one and don’t stop until he can roll over onto his tummy and roll back.

Swaddling helps baby sleep through the startle reflex, it gives them a sense of snugness that is familiar from the womb, and it’s a great sleep association.

Unless baby screams bloody murder after having been swaddled, there are literally no cons to swaddling. It’s all good!

Read:

Why It’s Hard To Enforce The Rules… Even Though You Want To

If you’re here, you are probably trying to figure out family boundaries. How to keep and enforce the rules in your home for the good of your whole family. If that’s you, glad you stopped by!

(Last week I talked about what happens when we don’t keep the rules… catch up on that here first.)

This thing started happening at the dinner table.

When the kids didn’t like what I’d prepared… they told me so.

At first I was okay with this. A polite, “I don’t really like mushrooms” is not offensive to me. It’s just your preference and none of us can control our kids’ preferences.

However, that soon morphed into prolonged whining about dinner on nights they didn’t like what I made.

It went from saying, “This isn’t my favorite” to whining on and on about how they wanted something else or I should have separated the corn or couldn’t they just have buttered bread?!?!?

Give an inch, they’ll take a mile, came to mind.

Then, boy howdy, I started getting mad.

I was like…

“Oh no, kids, y’all ain’t gonna complain about the dinner that I BOUGHT and I COOKED and YOU DID NOTHING FOR but need to survive!“

So then I made a rule: anyone who whines and complains at dinner has to leave the table.

This did not go down well on a few fronts.

I felt it was too harsh so I didn’t actually follow through consistently.
When I actually did follow through, the kids wailed in their rooms out of hanger (and the noise disturbed us all).
At dinner, I began to feel powerless and out of control because – if they didn’t like it – now we had a power battle on our hands.

I was having to Police this rule I didn’t even like and the kids were trying to keep the rule by crying silently at the table (bless them) instead of loudly whining because they didn’t want to get sent away. It made for miserable dinners.

Read: Siblings Fighting? 6 Simple Ways To Stop The Drama

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Bye, Bye Backtalk

Backtalk isn’t just annoying—it’s draining, discouraging, and makes even the simplest requests feel like full-blown negotiations. This workshop will give you a step-by-step plan to stop the constant pushback and start building respectful, two-way communication with your kids. Because when you know how to hold boundaries and help your child feel heard, the fight fizzles—and connection takes its place.

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How To Keep Your Family Boundaries & Rules

So now that you’ve seen how I failed… let’s talk about how to succeed in keeping family rules and boundaries. As Dave Ramsey says… success is just standing on top of a pile of failures instead of under it.

We’ll get into how to create rules for the good of the whole family, and be able to keep them without resorting to bribery, threats, and yelling. None of us want to be angry moms.

So let’s dive in…

Don’t Have Unnecessary Rules

I’ve touched on this before, but it bears repeating.

Because unnecessary rules feel forced, you won’t end up enforcing them. (me)

It doesn’t matter what your neighbor, sister-in-law, mom, or I do in our own homes… if it’s a rule you don’t actually care about then ditch it. If at some future point you DO care about it, then you bring it in. Rules and boundaries in the home are fluid.

They’ll change with seasons, houses, ages, and maturity.

Read: It’s Official: Too Many Rules Makes For Tired And Angry Parents

Diagnose Your Doors And Walls

In Sandy’s Language of Listening^®book, she goes into this in more detail. But let’s briefly address it here.

When you want to go from your bedroom to the bathroom… you use the door. If you tried to get to the bathroom through the wall what would happen? You’d hit the wall.

This is how we want our rules to be: like walls.

If we have a rule that’s really a door, the kids will walk through it day and night. Why? Because it’s open. It’s a path that allows them to go where they want. If your rule is a wall, however, they might test it here or there, but they’ll stop trying to go through it.

They’ll eventually understand… it’s not a path that’s going to get them anywhere.

Read: Boundaries, Family Rules, & Strong-Willed Children… Oh My!

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Discipline with Dignity

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Figure Out Why You’re Not Keeping The Rules

It’s not just our kids’ jobs to keep the rules. It’s our job to enforce them! I talked about that in this post.

So if we’ve got rules we’ve made that we do not enforce and the kids ignore… it’s time to do some diggin’.

Ask yourself these types of questions:

Do I actually like this rule?
What happens when I need to enforce this rule that makes me not want to bother?
Is there another way (aside from this rule) that I can teach the kids what I want them to learn?

Odds are, if you’re not enforcing a rule then likely (a) you don’t like it, (2) it’s a door, not a wall for you, or (d) you’re fuzzy as to what’s your actual boundary in this matter. Refer to this post to figure out what your *actual* boundary is… these will definitely be walls for you!

Please tell me you know where a, 2, d comes from…

Read: Mom Burnout: A Hard But Freeing Truth

Tackle One Rule At A Time…

Do you identify with the following?

The kids aren’t quite sure what the rules are.
You feel like the house is chaos and nobody does what you want.
You aren’t quite sure yourself what all the rules are or *should* be.
You have a sense that you don’t have the authority in your parenting you’d like.
You’re kinda bitter and resentful at the kids who don’t seem to get it.

Read: Time In Vs. Time Out … and is Time Out Damaging Kids?

If these are you then you’re in the right place. We’ve all been there at one time or another. In fact, we can have very excellent rules in one area and be struggling in another.

No one has life all wrapped up.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Parenting on the Same Page

You and your co-parent (spouse, ex, step, etc.) won’t always see eye to eye—but that doesn’t mean parenting has to feel like a constant battle. This workshop will help you communicate clearly, find common ground, and handle disagreements without drama, so you can focus on raising great kids instead of fighting over the details. Because parenting differences are normal, but constant conflict doesn’t have to be.

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Start small…

So if you need to begin bringing an area in your home under control, start small.

Start with one rule.

This rule may already exist and you don’t enforce it OR it may be a brand new rule you want to bring into the home (make sure it’s a wall, not a door!).

When this rule becomes second nature and you have no problem standing that ground, then go for another one.

So the dinner table saga…

One evening I lay in bed wondering how I was raising ungrateful, spoiled, picky, dramatic eaters.

Melodrama is high at 9:30 p.m. for me.

Then I touched on something… I thought about the real reason this behavior bothered me deep down.

I got to my wall.

My wall?

I care very much that our dinnertimes are remembered fondly where we shared stories, laughed, connected, and made memories. When one child is whining or complaining or blah blah all through the meal… the thing I hate is this…

Dinnertime being hijacked.

If no one can talk or enjoy dinner because of one person’s shenanigans then I’m ticked. That’s my wall. You can feel how you feel and we can help you, etc. but you can’t disrupt everyone else’s dinner.

And the beautiful part about that is this… when you reach your wall then there’s not so much drama. You don’t have to feel so frustrated and anxious and upset. That behavior that was making you nuts?

Now… you just won’t have it.

But instead of having to scream or issue threats… you are calm and collected. You feel in control and you know you have authority. And when you feel like this… you end up with lots of ideas on how to make that happen.

You don’t feel as desperate. And from that place, you are primed for success!

What Happens When You Let Your Kids Bend The House Rules

House rules are there for a reason and there are predictable patterns that develop when you don’t hold them right. Let’s get into it!

I was cooking dinner for everyone…

I’m stirring a few pots, trying to wash up as I go, and attempting to not over-butter the veggies (is that even possible?), and here come the Woodpeckers.

(I affectionately call the kids woodpeckers when they try to Peck Me To Death with incessant requests)

“Can I have a snack?”

“Can I have some apple juice?”

“Can I have a piece of cheese?”

Inside, I know what my boundary is, what the rule is. It is this: no eating in the hour or so before dinner.

And yet… I am getting woodpecked. Tiny holes are appearing all over my body where these kids Need Snacks and I am so close to losing the will to live so I relent. I say …

“FINE, GET A SNACK AND GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN so I can finish cooking dinner!” (dinner that now, due to this snack, they will not eat)

What just happened here?

A boundary stretch.

Or, put another way, not enforcing the family rules.

The Truth Is This…

Rule making and following is not a one and done.

You don’t just tell your kids, “Hey, look, we don’t hit each other, okay?” and then never have hitting in your house ever again.

The truth is that rules were made to be enforced. The very fact that you need to make a rule shows that – without it – something would (or would not) be happening that you are not okay with.

Nations create laws for the safety of their citizens and to help a country run smoothly. States don’t just post a set of laws on their website then phone it in. No, they have police officers and lawyers and entire judicial and penal systems designed to enforce these laws.
Wal-Mart does not just put price tags on their products then ask you to leave exact change in a jar on the way out. Oh no! They also have aisles that you cannot pass without entry, they have alarms on the doors, and employees monitoring all the shoppers.

The reason we make rules is because we need to control certain behaviors in our homes for the safety and sanity of everyone involved.

But that’s not the tricky part… the tricky part is this… keeping the house rules.

We know what can happen to children who never learn to follow the rules, but do you know what happens to moms whose rules aren’t followed?

They Feel Bitter, Resentful, And Betrayed By Their Family

This is a great quote my friend Marnie posted on Instagram the other day…

?Maybe I sound crazy but I feel just as strongly about this quote when it comes to children as I do adults. #montessori #parenting #montessoriathome @brenebrown

A post shared by Montessori Lifestyle w/ Marnie (@montessorimarnie) on Aug 12, 2018 at 6:31pm PDT

When we’re not in the habit of enforcing our house rules we begin to feel walked on and bitter. We see ourselves as victims to our children. Then, when our children do something we don’t like…

We attack their character instead of addressing isolated behaviors or events.

Instead of addressing these things as events, we turn it on them as a person. We don’t mean to, of course, but it naturally happens.

Why?

Because we feel out of control.

When our rules and boundaries aren’t being followed we start feeling all kinds of crazy. And, when we feel this way, it’s human nature to blame whatever we feel is making us crazy.

Our child takes another child’s toy… they are disrespectful and uncaring. Probably gonna end up in jail for theft. (This is called catastrophizing… ask me why I actually know the name for it)
One kid hits another… he’s violent and lacks impulse control. Probably gonna end up in a gang. (This is fear escalation… see, I have all kinds of names)
One kid whines about doing chores… he’s not a normal child, oh no, he’s a lazy good for nothing. Probably gonna end up in my basement on welfare. (This is called dramatization… pray for my husband)

This is a typical pattern….

We don’t enforce the rules ➡️ behavior gets out of control

Behavior feels out of control ➡️ we feel powerless

We feel powerless ➡️ we attack (whether in word or thought) those who seem to be “holding the cards”

This is actually a discouraging spot to be in because, basically, it means we’re waiting on everyone else to Just Act Right.

But really…

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

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It’s Our Job To Keep The Rules, Not The Kids’ Job To Be Perfect

Kids want to do what they want to do.

Truer words, never ~~spoken~~ written.

Sometimes what they want to do will align with what you want to do (i.e. eating dinner). Other times, it will not. Sometimes you can ask your kids to do something, and they’ll happily do it. Other times, they will not.

This is not because they are naughty, horrible, and overall disobedient. It is because they are human.

So if you are thinking…

*obedience = 100% of the time my kids do what I want…*

You are going to be one disappointed, bitter, and angry mother. Instead, think of rules as something outside yourself and your family. They are not YOU and they are not YOUR KIDS.

They are a set of instructions to live by. No one will be able to comply all the time, but he goal is ever increasing cooperation with the family rules.

Read: This Is Why Your Child Is Really Defiant

What Bending The Rules Does

Here are 4 of the biggest things that go down when we don’t enforce our rules and/or our boundaries.

We send mixed signals | When we say one thing and do another the kids aren’t sure what is what. So what will they do? What they want!
We get angry | If we have rules based on our own boundaries and preferences (the things that keep us emotionally sane) and these rules aren’t being followed, we become angry. Anger is a very good red flag.
Kids lose respect for us | I hate to even type this because it feels so insulting, but I have been here myself so there we have it. When we go through periods (or entire seasons) where we fail to hold our rules and boundaries, the kids stop taking us at our word.
Kids miss out on the opportunity to adjust | It is a true life skill to be able to adjust your own behavior to meet an authority’s rules. (i.e. You have a deadline, will you work in advance or pull an all nighter? You need to drive to the store, will you go 35 on Road A or 55 on Road B to get there quicker?)

Don’t get me wrong, this can be draining and so hard. But I’ll offer you a word of encouragement… once you start regularly enforcing your rules a new strength will rise up in you.

It is not nearly as hard to keep a home in order as it is to put it in order.

FYI – The Kids Will Know Your “Weak Spots”

Word to the wise… kids know your weak spots even if you don’t. What do I mean by that?

Kids know what will cause you to bend the rules.

One of my (many) weak spots used to be the fear that my kids feel unloved.

Before I realized this, that weak spot got poked regularly.

My child would do something outright against the rules (i.e. color on the walls) and I would initially respond according to our rules and their consequences.

Then, my child might start crying and say something like, “Mommy, you’re so mad at me! You don’t love me!” and – before I even knew what was happening – I’d be holding that child in my lap rocking them telling them how happy I was the day they were born.

FOR PETE’S SAKE.

The only lesson anyone learned on these occasions was this: “if mommy thinks I feel unloved she’ll forget about what just happened and tell me my birth story.”

Weak spots may include some of the things below:

Woodpecking | You might give in after repeated requests because you’re losing your mind (look away, look away, look away, look away)
Fear | If your child appears fearful – or you’re worried they’ll get scared – then you’ll bend any rule to help make them feel safe.
FOMO | If you suffer from The Fear Of Missing Out yourself, you may struggle to hold any rule or boundary that causes you to feel like your kids will miss out.
Crying | Some people are so triggered by their children’s tears they’ll give the child whatever they appear to want.

There are gobs more.

Point is, every mother has these weak spots. And while your child is not a master manipulator (don’t send me hate mail because you misread) they will naturally discover your weak spots and use them, even subconsciously.

Boundaries & Behavior

Loving Authority

Start Now

So let’s wrap this up…

I am already at 1500 words and did not even get to how we’re supposed to keep our boundaries… so I’ll save that for next time.

Please stand by. (or scroll down)

How To Be An Empathetic Mom Without Being Soft On The Rules

If you aren’t sure how to be super kind and compassionate and still kinda strict… this post will help you be the empathetic mom you want to be without being too soft on your own rules.

It can seem like we mothers are left with two options.

To be firm and strict with our kids, or
To be empathetic and understanding of our kids.

You can either be the mother who expects her kids to tow the line and doesn’t allow backtalk or disrespect OR you can be the type of mother who supports her child through their feelings and develops a close emotional bond.

The reality is… you can be both.

And I’ll take it a bit further and say this…

Moms who are faithful to enforce their family boundaries actually have more energy, compassion, and empathy to show their children.

Wait… whaaaaat?

Let’s look at some of the biggest reasons moms struggle to be calm, empathetic and understanding with our kids. The reasons why we often end up angry and triggered, even when we wish we weren’t.

When our kids repeatedly ignore what we’re saying, we become bitter and resentful.
When we don’t respect our own limits or boundaries (watch my video about this here) we become weary.
We are tired and worn out.
We don’t see why the kids need understanding and empathy, seems like they should just get on with it.

empathetic mom lying on blanket with boy

Read: My “Daily Escape” to a Quiet Place & Why It’s Necessary

Two Separate Things Are Happening…

The reason you can both hold your family rules and be an understanding empathetic mother is because those are two separate things at any given time. Let me explain with an example.

Our normal family rule is this: after play time you can’t come out of the room until it’s cleaned up.

This has always been the rule, it’s never changed, it just is. The reason behind this rule is that I’m the mom and I just want it to be like that. I’ve got 5 kids and I’m not going to pick up after them for the next 15 to 20 years.

One of my kids, on this particular day, did NOT want to clean up. He’d made a huge mess (something I don’t mind since I don’t have to clean it up), but was now ready to go outside and play. He started flailing, and saying his stomach hurt, and giving every reason under the sun why he shouldn’t have to clean his room.

This did not trigger me.

Because I knew he would eventually clean it and that I WOULD NOT HAVE TO, I did not feel bitter or resentful towards him. Instead, I looked around his room, and knew exactly why he was pitching a fit!

“Oh, baby, you do NOT like my rule about cleaning up,” I said.

“NO, I HATE cleaning up!” he answered.

“Yep… cleaning a mess is definitely not as fun as making a mess,” I replied. “The thought of cleaning it all up makes you so mad because you want to be done in here and go outside and play, right?”

“Yes, my stomach hurts and I’m too tired. I can’t clean,” was his answer.

“Oh, lovey,” I responded, “Maybe you can just lie there on the bed until your tummy feels better and then you can clean up SUPER FAST so you can go outside. Let me know if you need some medicine for your tummy.”

I walked out. He flailed a few more minutes and whined a bit, then cleaned up super fast and was done.

This took all of a few minutes, and I had both (a) empathized with him and shown genuine understanding and (b) given him space to carry out my rule.

I did not feel bitter and resentful because my rule got followed.
He did not feel bitter and resentful because he was heard, understood, and given the time and space to get his feelings out then get on with the cleaning.

Being An Empathetic Mom Is Not Being Soft…

For many of us, the feeling that we are empathizing or showing understanding make us feel we’re being too soft.

We worry the kids will not have grit, gumption, or the ability to stand up when under pressure. We think (or worry, obsess, and agonize) that by being firm, expressionless, or slightly cold that we are better teaching our children to follow our rules, but that isn’t really true.

Because we can be kind, loving, and nurturing while still expecting our children to keep our boundaries.

In fact, that’s the jackpot of parenting!

I’m certainly not saying it’s easy, but it is possible. You can be right there with your kids emotionally while still expecting them to do what you expect them to do.

I like to call this: being kind and firm.

Because The Less You Enforce Your Rules, The Unhappier You Are

The reality is this… the less you hold tight to your family rules and values... the more unhappy you’ll become. Of course we cannot control our children’s every move (how exhausting does that sound?) but we can keep our family rules without having to justify ourselves.

How can you not?

You want your kids to do chores… they don’t care.

You don’t like the fighting… and they’re always hitting each other.

You tell them to stay in their rooms… they always come out.

And on and on… pretty soon, you’re a temper ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Start Now

Related Posts On Obedience And Holding Boundaries:

By Recognizing You Can Do Both, You Free Yourself

By recognizing you can both be a kind loving and empathetic mother AND keep all the family boundaries and rules, you free yourself.

You’re not wrong for having rules.

You’re not “soft” for showing empathy and understanding.

In fact, children will be far more willing to obey your rules if you can show a little understanding. It won’t make them skip happily to their chores necessarily, but it’ll cut down on the frequency and duration of power battles.

Read: A No-Drama Approach To Your Child’s Behavior Problems

Things To Remember:

You don’t need to justify your rules all the time | If you feel strongly about something, it’s a boundary. And unless it’s morally wrong or abusive (fat chance of that if you’re reading a parenting site) then don’t second guess yourself. It Just Is. You hate balls in the house so the rule is balls outside only. Don’t get into a 25 minute conversation with your child and allow them to explain why it’s okay. If it’s not okay with you it’s not okay.

You can empathize and understand and walk away | Some schools of thought encourage you to stand by your child throughout a meltdown or a tantrum until its completion. This could last an hour or much longer and these mothers must not have (a) jobs, (b) housework, (c) other children, or (d) on edge nerves. If you have any of these, feel free to empathize, show affection and understanding, and then allow your child the freedom to process their own feelings without thinking you need to spend all afternoon soothing a tantrum.
The more clear your boundaries are, the happier everyone will be | The thing about boundaries is this… they are there whether you’ve told your kids about them or not. You might hate loud noises but have never taught the kids to have inside voices. Every time the kids get super loud you Go Nuts and Get Angry because that boundary (quiet inside voices, not loud ones) is there, whether you’ve made it into a “rule” or not. It’s best to make your boundaries easy to understand rules so everyone stands a chance.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

13-18, 6-12

Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

Taking care of your mental health shouldn’t feel like another chore. This workshop shows you how to build simple, sustainable routines that support your well-being and your kid’s emotional health—without the stress or overthinking.

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A Surprising Habit That Helps Raise Honest Kids — That You Probably Aren’t Doing

Here is one habit that’ll hopefully help you raise honest kids, and it probably isn’t something you’ve thought of!

My daughters’ comment really shook me up.

The kids asked if they could have some candy or treat or Easter chocolate or something sugary and the answer I gave was this: “Umm… (distractedly putting my keys in my purse) maybe.”

“Uhh…” my daughter told her brother, “Maybe really just means no.”

I chuckled a bit at first, because, you know, maybe does mean no a lot of the time.

But then I got to thinking… that’s actually dumb. Because maybe does NOT mean no. Maybe means maybe. And immediately I remembered a quote I’d read in a book somewhere. For the life of me I can’t remember which book, but it went something like this.

“A building block of honesty is direct communication that is neither vague nor confusing.”

So let’s dive into the surprising habit that helps raise honest kids…

Directness.

If you want your child to value honesty and be honest, they need to know what it looks like. Let’s look at a few definitions just for fun, shall we?

Direct (adj): straightforward, frank, candid

Vague (adj): not clear or definite in thought, understanding, or expression

It’s not that being vague is lying. It isn’t that we’re vague to deceive. It’s this: frequent vague language stops our children from understanding what honesty looks like. We’re just “saying something” to give a quick answer to our kids.

We don’t feel like taking the time to think out an answer.

We don’t think they’ll get our reason for saying no.

We think things are above their heads.

We just don’t want to deal with their High Emotions.

Let’s Take An Honest Look At How To Raise Honest Kids…

Here are some scenarios that are not exactly the same as a parent/child relationship, but that communicate my point: directness is nearly always preferable to vagueness.

Examples…

Wife: Honey, are you cheating on me?

Husband: Maybe.

Person to Doctor: Is this procedure life-threatning?

Doctor: We’ll see.

Person to Financial Advisor: What percentage will you take from my earnings?

Financial Advisor: Ask me again later.

I think you get my point.

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Be Honest: Don’t Be Vague To Put Off Discomfort

The biggest reason we are vague with our kids is because we don’t want them to throw a fit when we tell them No.

But they’re going to eventually get told no and probably throw the fit anyway so being vague and confusing doesn’t put off the drama.

In fact, being vague means they talk nonstop repeatedly about what they want until we give them an answer that is concrete.

As I’ve learned in my Language of Listening™ training… kids will continue to communicate until they feel heard.

I totally get it… it takes some chutzpah to just say no. It’s why they created an entire campaign around this in the 80’s. Or was it the 90’s? If the answer is no, just say no.

Giving a vague answer like “maybe” when you really mean no contributes to the idea that truth is something you can’t quite put your finger on.

Don’t Entrap Your Kids: Just Be Direct

Yesterday my mother found my son’s brand new birthday truck, suspiciously, with a broken wheel. In a bush. The birthday boy had been in school so we knew it was one of his brothers who had broken it. We had a hunch which one.

So I took the red broken truck to the son, whom I suspected, was the guilty party.

“The wheel on this truck broke off.” (no entrapment, straight facts)

My son replied, “Who would do something like that?“

I thought that was a clever (and vague) answer, yet I persisted. “Baby, you can tell me the truth.” (aka, I’m not going to explode)

A big sigh then… “Okay, mommy, I did it.”

“Okay, son, let’s sit down and figure out how you can earn money to buy him a new one.”

If you ask – in a menacing voice – whether they did something you already know they did… you are drastically increasing the chances they’ll dig their heels in. Now their dignity is at stake. Now, no matter what you say, they have to hold to their story.

And the more you push the worse it gets.

Don’t explode, keep your cool, stick to the facts, and don’t ask questions you already know the answer to.

If you want to raise honest kids, act honestly with them!

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Dig Deep When Kids Lie, Don’t Just Punish And Move On

Kids don’t usually lie because it’s fun. They usually lie for one of the following reasons:

They don’t want to disappoint you
They don’t want to get in trouble
They don’t want you to yell, scream,or lecture them
They don’t want to admit something they did that they know is against your rules, limits, or values because they know it was wrong

Know there’s a *reason* your child has lied and go towards that. Of course, you don’t want to leave lying unaddressed, but by focusing on the lie and then blowing it up into a huge thing you are actually giving power to lying.

Instead, dig a little bit.

Here’s a sample scenario based off a situation that really happened in our home.

I find empty candy wrappers behind my son’s chair even though he’d told me he had not eaten candy.

“You told me you had not eaten candy, but I see that you have.”

He replies, “I know I told a story, but I just really wanted it!”

“Ahh, so you thought I wouldn’t give you any candy?” I say.

“Yes, because you don’t!” my son says back.

“Well,” I say, “there must be something we can do. I’m not okay with you lying to me or eating an entire bag of candy. But I don’t mind if you have a piece or two.”

“Okay, mom, next time I will ask you and maybe I can have one or two pieces at a time.”

I reply to him, “I’m okay with that.”

Maybe there’s a consequence in your home, maybe there isn’t, but whatever you do, dig past the lie itself and get to the bottom of it.

Read: A No-Drama Approach To Your Child’s Behavior Problems

Practice Directness In Your Talk

We can actually be more direct than we think.

It may seem abrupt to us adults, but kids find it refreshing. In fact, children hate to feel like they’re being left in the dark, wondering what you actually mean.

Children like to know where they stand on things.

Here are some examples of direct communication with kids.

“The reason you have to clean up your room is because I don’t like a mess and I want you to learn responsibility.”

“I’m not giving you a treat at the store this time because you’ve had too much junk food lately and it’s not healthy.”

“You can’t come out of your bedroom until 6:30 am because I need alone time to start the day well.”

“I know you want to go to your friend’s house to spend the night, but I don’t allow sleepovers when I don’t know a child’s parents very well.”

You don’t always need to explain yourself about every little thing, but when you do, be direct.

If you want kids to value honesty, speak candidly.

If you want kids to tell you the truth, stop exploding.

If you want your children to take you at your word… use direct words.

::

3 Natural Ways To Connect With Your Child’s Heart

You already know what a mothers love for her child feels like, but do you know how to make sure the child feels it? Post contains affiliate links.

“Can you play wif me?” my 3 year old asked me this morning.

I was about to walk out of his room to get his little brother up, but his question stopped me in my tracks.

My little one was asking me to stop, connect, and be with him. So many times during the day it’s not practical to do so, but this time… it was. As we moved his cars around on his little car rug play mat he was so happy. Smiling and giving me directions and clearly glad I’d taken a few minutes out of normal family life to slow down.

This is not easy.

Even when I slow down to play with the kids things run through my head. My to do list. Things that pop up and need to be written down… and you know what it feels like?

It feels like everything works in an effort to keep me from connecting with my kids on a deeper level.

How To Build Lasting Connections With Your Kids

I read this quote that made me cry and resonated so strongly. According to my husband it’s a bit of a downer, but the point is solid.

Watching one’s small humans age and grow up packs a serious punch. It’s like being stuck in a dream unable to speak, like being a ghost that can see but not touch, like standing on a huge grate while a storm rains oiled diamonds, like collecting feathers in a storm.

Parents in love with their children are all amnesiacs, trying to remember, trying to cherish moments, ghosts trying to hold the world. N. D. Wilson

So, because we love them so, we desperately want to connect with them. Well, the good news is this… they desperately want to connect with us too.

Kids Feel Connected When You Love And Nurture Them

You don’t have to drum this up.

When you hug your child, feed them, clothe them, change them, and tuck them into their beds at night… they feel a sense of care. A feeling that all is right with the world. Mom and dad make sure that I am okay. When I send mom and dad signals – crying, fussing, whining, scared looks, etc. – they come and help me resolve them.

They don’t leave me alone and powerless.

This takes a load off.

We are already doing these things. Our children already feel a sense of connection with us. Let this encourage you when you feel you’re Too Much or Too Busy or Not Good Enough… you already are connecting with them day in and day out by meeting their need for love and acceptance.

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Read: What Unconditional Love Is And What It Isn’t

Kids Feel Connected When You Accept And Understand Them

This is huge.

A large part of parenting is realizing that most of what makes us nervous in parenting is all about us and not about them.

We don’t want them to wear that shirt to school because they’ll get made fun of and we remember the sting of humiliation. We don’t want them to get too excited about art because we know how hard it is to make a good income and we don’t want them wasting their time on something that won’t pay the bills.

Of course it’s good to help our children pick suitable clothes and suitable life paths… but the point remains: we are often worried about letting our kids take their own paths... we want to make a path for them then push them down it.

Instead, we want to show our children we accept them for who they are. Work on their character traits? Of course! But to try and change their personalities and likes and preferences? No.

How To Accept Children For Who They Are In Action:

Don’t try and convince your kids they like what they don’t like | Maybe one of your children doesn’t like sports and the others are nuts for them. This child doesn’t need lectures about how they’d love sports if they found the right one. If you want to expose them to various sports, fine, but don’t communicate to your child that they are somehow wrong because they aren’t sporty. If your child says they like or don’t like something… believe them.

Validate your children’s feelings, even if you don’t understand | If your child is crying or upset, validate what they are feeling… don’t try to “comfort” them with phrases like, “There’s nothing to cry about” or “What’s the big deal?” That communicates that what they’re feeling is somehow wrong, but feelings are neutral. They come and go and can’t be controlled, your child can only control what they do with those feelings.

Give them freedom to express their preferences | Where the issue is not moral (lying or hurting others, for example) allow your child to have their own opinion. They may think very differently than you in many ways and not share many interests and, if that’s the case, it’s even more important they know you accept them as they are. We’d not want to give our children the impression we don’t approve of them since they aren’t just like us.

Kids who feel like they are okay as they are, feel connected to those around them. Kids who feel like they are somehow wrong, have a whole host of issues.

Read: 5 Simple Ways To Win Back Your Child’s Heart

Kids Feel Accepted When You Purposefully Get On Their Level

A child knows your place in the home. They know you need to cook, clean, organize, run errands, change diapers, and do the tidy up routines. They know this.

That’s why, occasionally, when you get down to their level, they feel so treasured. Safe. Loved.

It doesn’t mean you’ve gotta spend hours playing with them each day and they don’t ever learn to play on their own. It just means that you know when to get down to their level and meet them where they’re at.

How To Get On Your Child’s Level

Make eye contact with them

Squat down so you are eye to eye with your little one if you are going to say something important

Sit down on the floor with your child during some individual time

When reading a book, use fun voices

Become more playful in the every day moments, kids love this!

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Setting Your Family Pace

Family life shouldn’t feel like a constant race. This workshop helps you build a balanced, sustainable pace that handles responsibilities while making space for rest, connection, and what really matters.

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Back to my 3 year old…

After we spent a precious few minutes playing with his cars, I told him I needed to get his baby brother for breakfast. He jumped up and said, “Can I come with you?” with a gleam in his eye.

Even 5 minutes made him feel closer to me…

I didn’t have to schedule it in or spend 20 minutes prepping…

I just got on his level and showed him I cared.

::

Modern Life Is Too Busy: How To Slow Your Family’s Pace

Feel that the days are just whizzing by you? Here’s how you can help slow down your family’s pace and enjoy motherhood again.

Recently I was on the way to school pick up – with an eye twitch – stressed out of my head.

Why did I feel so nervous?

Why was life so busy?

Why could I never just sit down?

Sure, we’re in a transition period, getting ready to move. But even so… we don’t have a lot of commitments or obligations that take up our evenings or weekends. And yet…

And yet I feel extremely busy. Like my life is on a runaway train I can’t manage to jump out of.

That’s when it hit me: there is physical busyness and mental busyness.

And both of these can cause us to have a fast paced family life we don’t actually like.

How To Have A Slower Family Pace

There’s a difference in having a full life of purpose and being out of control busy. Inside your heart, you’ll know the difference.

Become More Hands Free And Get Off Social Media

When our lives are stressful (busy) our gut reaction is to escape. Phones, tablets, and computers make such an easy escape source. But instead of that helping lessen the stress, it actually trains our brains to escape our emotions.

This leads to inner turmoil which leads to Excess Energy that many of us equate with busyness.

“Simply let go of distraction for one moment. In that moment, you have the power to make a significant connection with another human being. You have the opportunity to be in the right place at the right time.” Hands Free Mama

“Turn off the device and take your child for a walk through the woods or on a hike up a mountain. Go on a camping trip. Late at night, when it’s absolutely dark, take your child’s hand and ask her to look up at the stars. Talk with her about the vastness of space and the tininess of our planet in the universe. That’s reality. That’s perspective.” Leonard Sax

Stop Multitasking

Time slows down when you are really focusing on what’s in front of you.

“How often do you meet someone and instantly forget her name? This indicates that your mind was distracted, that it was preoccupied with something else entirely. The inability to concentrate on a name or conversation is evidence of what I deem SBS—Scattered Brain Syndrome.

Singletasking isn’t only about getting things done. It’s also about developing focus. Living in the present will affect the very essence of your life, including work, relationships, and everything else that matters to you.” Time

Read: My “Daily Escape” to a Quiet Place & Why It’s Necessary

Slow Down And Sit With Your Family

Research has proven time and time again that normal mundane everyday events like Family Dinner can make a huge difference in a child’s well-being.

It doesn’t matter if it’s all organic, from a can, or take out… the benefit comes in the uninterrupted regular time together that makes space for genuine relationship.

If you’re too busy to eat meals at home with your family then you’re probably too busy. With little ones, dinner ain’t easy. But as children grow older, the dinner table becomes a place to share stories, family history, and talk about what’s happening in their lives.

Regular unrushed family meals are touch points in family life.

Read: Family Traditions: The Indisputable Benefits of Rituals

Develop Habits That Work

Home systems are not a Super Exciting thing to think about, but disorganization and chaos actually takes up a lot of time. When life gets busy it’s time to tighten up the home systems.

Practical things to do when life gets busy:

Declutter then donate or throw away. (My husband thinks everything in our home is one step away from being thrown out, depending on my mood.)
Figure out where things pile up then put a system there. Baskets, containers, or trays make a pile seem more organized and less stressful to the eye.
Take an hour or two, gather all the family members, and attack the mess together.

Brainstorm some new routines or habits that’ll help alleviate the pileup from happening again. Remember, only try to start one new habit at a time so you aren’t setting yourself up for failure.

Under Schedule Your Family

If you could teleport everyone from the house to practice to games to school and back you’d save a lot of time. Alas, time in the car increases the sense that life is frantic.

“Replay some mental pictures of your child over the past week. If all your images are of him or her on the go—heading to an appointment, on the way back from one, doing homework, practicing an instrument—and there are not many moments of Quiet and Relaxation, your kid is too busy.”

“Every hour kids come into my office and throw themselves onto my couch complaining that they are overbooked with too many appointments,” says Dr. Fran Walfish, a child psychologist and author.“All they want is down time.”

Ruthlessly Prioritize

“Lack of time is actually lack of priorities.” Tim Ferris

In this modern age we forget we actually have limits.

We cannot do it all. Our kids cannot do it all. We cannot be both manic and relaxed. We cannot have a peaceful family life if we have 18 practices/lessons a week and 7 games/recitals per weekend.

Think about all that you do each week. Now, looking at those things, what does that say about your priorities?

If the way you spend your time doesn’t reflect your values, then it’s time to make changes.

Do New Things Together

I read something interesting the other day. It said the reason that time seems to speed up the older you get is because you’re always doing the same things.

Let me explain.

Our brain processes information in different ways depending on whether the information is new or familiar. When our brain processes familiar information, it doesn’t take much time.

However, it takes longer to process new information which makes time seem to slow down. Neuroscientist David Eagleman believes this is why time seems to go by faster the older we get.

“This explains why we think that time speeds up when we grow older,” Eagleman said, why childhood summers seem to go on forever, while old age slips by while we’re dozing.
The more familiar the world becomes, the less information your brain writes down, and the more quickly time seems to pass. “Time is this rubbery thing…it stretches out when you really turn your brain resources on, and when you say, ‘Oh, I got this, everything is as expected,’ it shrinks up.” (source)

So want to slow down time? Do new things.

Cuddle, Read Books, and Talk More

Read: My “Daily Escape” to a Quiet Place & Why It’s Necessary

Cuddling is actually good for kids’ brains. Heck, it’s good for all of us. When we spend quality time with those we love – or doing things we love – it feels like time well spent.

It’s both satisfying and refreshing. Quality time with our children doing normal things help us feel connected and purposeful.

The trouble is, the small moments are the first to get crowded out by the tyranny of the urgent.

We need to do All The Things and – before we know it – it’s bedtime and we’re exhausted and we’ve had 2.5 hours of time with the kids and most of that was shooing them around.

Stop doing stupid stuff that doesn’t matter so you can make time for the people you love more than anything else in the world.

Our culture tells us to Do It All and not ever miss out.

Our nervous systems, on the other hand, are saying the opposite.

::

Homeschooling Pros And Cons — The Ultimate Guide To Help You Choose

If you are weighing the homeschooling pros and cons then this post will help you get where you need to be.

Homeschooling is such a personal choice.

Many mothers consider it, but just aren’t sure if they can do it.

I know when I was deciding whether or not to homeschool, I never actually found a site that had homeschooling pros and cons of someone who was currently deciding whether or not to homeschool.

There are a lot of resources out there for homeschoolers, but hardly anything for those deciding whether or not to homeschool.

So I scoured and looked around for something that was obvious… like a To Homeschool Or Not To Homeschool Guide…

There wasn’t one.

Everything I read seemed to convince me that homeschooling would work for us, and yet… AND YET… there wasn’t much on the pros and hardships of homeschool except from those who did not do it!

So I sought out to make a big long list (not exhaustive, but darn near close) of the homeschooling pros and cons both for myself, and for others.

So let’s dive into it… a big long list of the homeschooling pros and cons

Psst… know that each student, teacher, and family are different. You cannot account for every single situation out there, but we’ll try to get as close as we can.

Homeschooling Pros For The Kids

Starting and finishing school earlier (or later) | If your child is a morning person, they can start schoolwork early, finish early, and enjoy the rest of their day. Or if your child is not a morning person, they don’t waste the first half of the morning cranky and struggling to wake up. Either way, your kids will learn how they operate best and can plan accordingly.

More sleep | Studies show that elementary aged children need 10-11 hours of sleep per night, and teenagers operate best with 8-9 hours per night. When your kids wake up naturally, they will be more rested, which means better attitudes and better focus.

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Homeschool takes less time | Because they don’t have to wait in line for the restroom, wait for their classmates to finish their work before moving on, wait in line for lunch, etc. the same amount of learning and schoolwork just takes less time.

Dress code | They can wear whatever is most comfortable and not worry about whether it’s ironed or the latest trends.

Change of scenery | You can have school at home or you can change it up and do school at the library, at the beach, at a park, or anywhere else you want.

Less pressure to conform | Your child can be himself. He doesn’t have to try to fit in with whatever is cool at school that week.

Homeschooling Pros For Dads / Fathers

Cheaper and more enjoyable vacations. Because you decide the schedule, you can save money and sanity by taking vacations during the off season instead of hitting the beach with a thousand other spring breakers.

Peace of mind. Just because they are home doesn’t mean they are completely protected from everything bad that could happen, but chances are good that there will not be any bullying, smoking in the bathrooms, bomb threats, or school shootings.

No early morning rush out the door. When you don’t have to feed and dress every person in your house before 8 am, it makes for a more relaxed atmosphere in the morning.

Less sickness. Viruses, pinkeye, lice… the reality is that they are exposed to these things more when they are in a classroom with 25 other people all day long.

Easier employment. When they are teenagers, they will have an easier time getting a job. Not only will they understand time management and self-management better than most of their peers, but they will also be available for more hours earlier in the day.

Teaching your own beliefs and values. Same content, different viewpoint. For example, you can teach Biology from an Evolutionist or a Creationist viewpoint. There are materials for all of it. Also, you can teach about the birds and the bees when your child is ready for that topic, not just when they start 6^th grade.

Homeschooling Pros For Moms

You get to teach what matters most to you. There are certain required subjects, but whatever you want to teach on top of that is fair game. Do you really want your child to learn a second language? No need to wait for high school. The same is true for vocational skills, arts, home economics, and other programs that have to compete for funding.

You can teach what matters to your kids. Sewing, welding, Spanish, any of it. Kids learn better if when they are interested and invested in a subject.

Intentional social skills. Since they won’t be with 25 other kids their exact same age, they learn how to interact appropriately and respectfully with people of all ages. Also, their social circle can be more intentional. They will still get plenty of social interaction, but chances are it will be with people you already know and have common interests with, not just the random kid whose last name also starts with the letter L.

Flexibility about your daily schedule

You decide the overall schedule. This means the school calendar is based on your vacations, family gatherings, etc. Your family is central, rather than school or other activities. If dad or mom’s job is seasonal then you can work as well.

You decide the day to day schedule. You can schedule doctor and dentist checkups midday, when it is less crowded and more convenient for you. Also, there is less stress when something unexpected comes up, like friends visiting, wedding, or family reunion.

No more unexpected weather days changing your plans at the last minute. Whether it’s a snow day or a hurricane day, you can work through these or skip them without having to add them to the end of the school year later.

You get to instill in your children educational philosophies you believe in. Whether you are a believer in Montessori inspired learning (if so, check out Free Montessori Curriculum List & Resources) or Charlotte Mason or Classical Conversations… as your children’s teacher you can use what approach you are passionate about.

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Homeschooling Pros For Mamas (cont’d)

Sick days are no big deal. You can flex with the needs of your family without having to keep up with missed assignments. Everything can pause and you can jump back in a few days later without lots of makeup work.

You can teach at the right level. Kids who are academically gifted and kids who have special needs often have to go at the mainstream pace, which can be incredibly frustrating and often works against them.

Intentional breaks. You can take breaks when they make sense, not just based on a clock. Sometimes taking a walk around the block or coloring a picture is just what they need and you can all come back refocused.

You can teach your kids how to learn, not just what to learn. Data changes. Pluto used to be a planet, then it wasn’t, then it was again, but this time as a dwarf planet. Especially with technology changing so quickly, if your kids know how to learn (how to ask good questions and where to find the answers), they will be better equipped than if they just memorize the facts for the test.

Everything becomes an opportunity to learn. When school isn’t confined to eight specific hours in a specific place, neither is learning. Your kids will begin to see the world differently, asking questions along the way. You can also learn right along with your kids, if you want to. “Let’s look it up,” can become a common phrase in your house.

You will learn so much about your kids. You will learn whether they are morning people or not, whether they learn best by reading or a more hands on approach, and how they handle academic successes and failures, just to name a few.

More Pros For Moms

You will learn so much about yourself. The kids won’t be the only people learning new facts, skills, and habits.

There is more time for fun learning. Building with LEGO, snuggling on the couch together with a good book, taking nature walks, doing puzzles, and playing board games are all actively engaging the mind and teaching skills that you can’t learn in books.

There is more time for free play. Kids need unstructured time to just play.

Your kids will learn how to be independent learners. This prepares them well for college, when professors will not hold their hand and walk them through every assignment. Universities are now recognizing this and many have admissions staff dedicated to recruiting homeschoolers.

Your kids will learn about time management. It will not take them long to understand that if they focus on their schoolwork, they can have more time to do something else that might interest them more.

And you will all learn how to set and respect boundaries. Or you will die trying.

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If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

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Pros To Homeschooling For Moms (cont’d)

No more school lunches. Self-explanatory.

No more long bus rides or waiting in long pick-up lines at the school. This means you won’t have to wake sleeping babies or get children up super early just to catch the bus.

You don’t have to cut your afternoon in half to be home at 3 pm every day. Or, again, wake sleeping babies or toddlers.

You can stay inside on cold, snowy mornings.

You can go outside on beautiful, sunny mornings.

No more paperwork. Permission slips, behavior charts, homework, and busy work sent home every single day can be enough to suffocate a mama. Homeschooling means no more forms to sign and return.

Homeschooling Pros For Moms (cont’d)

No school uniforms.

No school fundraisers.

And No more standardized testing. When you don’t have to teach for the test, if takes a ton of pressure off the teacher and the students. Some states may have testing as an option to track progress, but many states do not require this.

No more homework. Do kids really need additional work after being in school for 7 hours a day? Maybe, but when you determine your own schedule they won’t.

More time together. Specifically, more downtime together. Your time together will not just consist of getting ready for school, getting ready for dinner, and then getting ready for bedtime.

Extended family can help. Grandparents, aunts, and uncles can join in with their own expertise. If you have retired family members, they might love to help.

Homeschooling Pros For Moms (cont’d)

You don’t miss the milestones. You can be there when your child reads her first word or aces the math test, instead of just hearing about it when she gets home.

More opportunities for extracurricular activities. Since you are spending more time together during the day, it is easier to make space for Girl Scouts, gymnastics, baseball, etc. in the evenings without putting a strain on the entire family.

Time often equals trust for kids. You might be surprised the things they will share with you as they are practicing their spelling words.

More time to read together. You can read out loud together wherever your child goes to school, but there is just more time in the day for this when you homeschool.

Your kids will learn life skills along the way. Because they are with you when you grocery shop, do laundry, and make meals, they will learn how to do that also, with very little work on your end. The more they learn, the more they will help.

NOW… On To The Homeschooling Cons

Financial cost. Public school is free. Textbooks are free. Some extracurricular activities are free. In some places, even breakfast and lunch are free. Having more people at home just costs more. There is more electricity to keep the temperature constant, more meals to fix, and more lights that are on. Not to mention the cost of the curriculum itself.

Time cost. It takes time to pick curriculum, plan assignments, explain the material, answer questions, and generally be available through all of it.

Sanity cost. If you are an introvert, having your kids around you all day can seem suffocating. If you are an extrovert, being confined to the home with your kids all day can seem draining.

Running errands is a family affair. Unless your kids are old enough to stay home by themselves, they are always with you. Things like errands can take a lot longer and feel more complicated.

Hobbies, lunch with friends, and all of that will take more work and more planning. Having an adult conversation with little kids around might require a babysitter or a restaurant with a play area.

Homeschooling Cons (cont’d)

If you aren’t good at this, you will need to learn. Physical boundaries (this is my bedroom, not your personal science lab) and emotional boundaries (I need some downtime for the next hour) are necessary when you spend so much time together.

Meal planning. More people in your family will be eating more meals in your house than if they were in school. Now you have to figure out what to make for three meals a day, not just one.

Household chores. It can be much harder to keep your house clean, laundry done, etc. when the kids are home all the time. You can feel pulled in a thousand different directions.

Pressure. You are now the one responsible for your children’s education, and this can feel like a huge weight at times. Figuring out what to teach (which subjects, which levels, and which curriculum) can feel overwhelming.

Lack of training. Unless you have a background in education, you have less official training than public school teachers.

Record keeping. While you don’t have a ton of paperwork to send back to the school every week, you do have to keep up with attendance, grades, and anything else required by your state. Your kids will need a transcript to apply for college and some states require proof of passing grades to get their driver’s license.

You have to teach the subjects you don’t really like. Math, anyone?

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.

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Homeschooling Cons (cont’d)

Socialization has to be more intentional. You will need to make an effort to keep your kids from just staying inside your own four walls all the time.

Extracurricular activities require more effort. If there is no school play for your budding actress, you may need to look for a drama class. If there is no school band for your son who loves to play the drums, you may need to consider private lessons. This is especially true for sports, like basketball or soccer, that usually center around school teams.

Tax-paid interventionists. School systems offer speech therapists, counselors, special education teachers and other professionals that can work with your kids for free and during school hours. If your kid has a speech delay or a learning disability, that can be hard to pass up.

Lots of weird looks from strangers. Why is your clearly healthy kid in the grocery store with you at 11 am? You and your child will likely be misunderstood and maybe even judged.

Everyone else’s opinions. Whether it is your Aunt Betsy or a complete stranger, when people hear that you homeschool, they will likely have a concern they want to mention.

You are the teacher AND the mom. Sometimes kids listen better and even learn better from someone who isn’t related to them.

Some More Cons

School breaks are actual breaks. Until your kids get to high school, there is no school work over the summer. When it snows, you get the whole day off. Home and school have little overlap.

Less time apart. As much as you might love your kids, the right amount of absence can make the heart grow fonder. We all need a break from each other every now and then.

Kids don’t see their friends as much. Extroverted children may really miss being away from their friends and classmates, and it can be difficult to make time for this.

You’ll have less time alone. If you are currently at home while kids are in school you’ll have a bit of down time. With all kids home all day you may struggle to find the time alone you need to maintain sanity.

Kids may need tutors. If you aren’t able to teach them a subject as well as they need it (math, for example) you may have to hire a tutor which costs money.

There are so many homeschooling pros and cons it’s hard to think straight…

When I set out to decide whether or not to homeschool our family, all I found was a bunch of homeschoolers saying why they loved it.

That’s great and all… but I wanted something that pointed out both sides and helped me work through our own family situation.

Something I could personalize for myself.

I wanted to know the following:

What is this realistically going to cost me?

How will this actually change our entire family life?

Is it too overwhelming or detail oriented for my personality?

How much work is involved?

I wanted something that would help me decide whether or not to do it. I literally Googled… To Homeschool Or Not To Homeschool and got nothing.

Then, I decided that just wasn’t good enough. Moms need some hand holding sometimes.

So what do you do when you want something that doesn’t exist? You make it yourself. I made a workbook (with the help of another mama) to help me choose whether or not to homeschool. And now it can help you do the same!

Get yours here: To Homeschool Or Not To Homeschool: The Ultimate Workbook To Help You Choose What’s Best For Your Family

FAQs

How many days a week should you homeschool?
That’s the beauty of homeschool, it’s flexible! Most moms aim for 4 to 5 days a week of some type of schooling. However, if you have some very full weeks and want to take some days off, you can always do that too.

What counts as a homeschool day?
This depends on your state and what you are doing. Educational trips can count, doing some work, reading, etc. Pretty much anything y’all are doing that helps the kids learn counts as homeschool.

Is it better to be homeschooled?
This depends on the family. Often families with multiple children, learning disabilities, the desire for flexibility, and those who travel a lot find that homeschooling is a better fit for their lifestyle.

Can homeschooling be done at night?
Homeschooling can be done at whatever time is best for your family. If night works best so one parent can do certain subjects, then do what’s best for your family.

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All Posts

I think we should avoid this.

Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Post Photos Of Your Children On Social Media

❔ Is This The Truman Show Effect?

❔Are There Naked Body Parts?

❔ Will Your Kid Remember This?

❔ Will This Embarrass Them In 20 Years?

❔ Is This Something A Psychologist Would Have To Keep Secret?

❔ What if your child wants to run for President?

❔ What do the higher ups do?

So Basically…

Repeat Over and Over For Better Behavior

1. Decide what exactly it is you expect from them at given times

2. Be clear about expectations BEFORE they’re needed

3. Ask them to repeat back to you

4. It makes you proactive instead of reactive

5. It curbs some “wise in their own eyes” behaviors

The Ten Year Rule.

The 10 Year Rule

So how does this play out in real life?

In 10 Years Will This Behavior Have Escalated?

Some of these behaviors may include:

Is It Self-Control Related?

Building Self-Control

In 10 Years Will We Laugh About This?

About that diaper incident…

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

How To Live Within Your Limits & Hold Your Boundaries

Accept Your Boundaries & Limits As They Are

I wish:

In reality:

Create Routines That Reflect Your Limits

Create Rules That Reflect Your Boundaries

Examples of Rules Relating To Boundaries

Know It’s YOUR JOB To Hold These, Not Everyone Else’s

What This Looks Like:

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Non-Negotiable Newborn Baby Needs

Touch and Affection

Sleep, Sleep, And More Sleep

Routine, Routine, And More Routine

Things that do well with a routine:

A Mom Who Is Okay

Here are some things that keep you okay:

Oh, And A Swaddle

Read:

How To Keep Your Family Boundaries & Rules

Don’t Have Unnecessary Rules

Diagnose Your Doors And Walls

Figure Out Why You’re Not Keeping The Rules

Ask yourself these types of questions:

Tackle One Rule At A Time…

Start small…

So the dinner table saga…

Other posts in this series…

The Truth Is This…

They Feel Bitter, Resentful, And Betrayed By Their Family

It’s Our Job To Keep The Rules, Not The Kids’ Job To Be Perfect

What Bending The Rules Does

FYI – The Kids Will Know Your “Weak Spots”

Weak spots may include some of the things below:

So let’s wrap this up…

Other posts in this series…

Wait… whaaaaat?

Two Separate Things Are Happening…

Family Rules Brainstorm SHEETS

Being An Empathetic Mom Is Not Being Soft…

Because The Less You Enforce Your Rules, The Unhappier You Are

By Recognizing You Can Do Both, You Free Yourself

Things To Remember:

So let’s dive into the surprising habit that helps raise honest kids…

Let’s Take An Honest Look At How To Raise Honest Kids…

Be Honest: Don’t Be Vague To Put Off Discomfort

Don’t Entrap Your Kids: Just Be Direct

Dig Deep When Kids Lie, Don’t Just Punish And Move On

Practice Directness In Your Talk

Here are some examples of direct communication with kids.

This is not easy.

How To Build Lasting Connections With Your Kids

Kids Feel Connected When You Love And Nurture Them