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What to do with your toddler when putting the baby to sleep

Sleep Little Lamb (Ages 0-5)

Moms will walk away with a step-by-step sleep plan tailored to their child’s age and needs, designed to improve sleep within 3 days to 2 weeks.

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Be Realistic

If you go to an acquaintance’s house that you hardly ever go to, baby just might not sleep.

If you go to a friend’s house once or twice a week, it will become more familiar in a way that allows baby to feel comfortable enough to sleep. Now, if baby is sleeping in your arms, they’ll sleep anywhere.

If you want to put them in a crib or stroller, certain babies may fight sleep if they are very routine oriented.

Read: How To Encourage Sleeping In And Longer Naps

Set the scene.

I close the curtains, hang up blackout curtains, turn on the white noise, and change the diaper.

Earlier this summer we stayed at a beach house and the rooms were a lot brighter than the kids were used to. We just took a few towels and hung them haphazardly over the windows to make it more dim.

You can’t transform your mother-in-law’s house into a nursery clone, but you can make it dark enough, cozy enough, with familiar sounds and smells, and this will go a long way.

Read: Foolproof Baby Sleep Tips – Routines, Habits & Strategies

Mind overtiredness and overstimulation.

When napping at other peoples’ homes or locations, I usually try to put them down for nap right on time, if not a bit early.

Overtiredness + a new location = not good napping.

Put baby to sleep before normal nap time instead of waiting until nap time because that might prevent some over tiredness.
Try going to the other house before you’d normally put baby down, or while they’re still happy and not whiny.

Read: The Baby Sleep Myth That Backfires Every Time

Read: Is Sleep Training a Baby Bad or Dangerous? Let’s Talk Facts!

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Give It Time

If you are going to be somewhere all morning, give the baby or toddler have a chance to nap even if they fight it for a while.

They might resist for 10 or 15 minutes and then take a good nap.

If they are happy enough in the crib (sleeping or not) then I’ll give it a bit extra time. They also may not take a full nap, but even half a normal nap will help prevent as much over-tiredness as possible.

Sources:

How Babies Can Teeth Without Losing Sleep (5 Hacks!)

Teething is hard on the baby. It’s also hard on us mamas who are trying to build healthy sleep habits. When babies are in pain it’s hard for them to sleep, but it’s hard for them to cope with the pain if they’re exhausted!

My oldest daughter (confident and take charge even as a baby) did not make a fuss about teething.

When cutting her first teeth, on a Friday, I said, “Hmm, she’s a tad fussy.”

Saturday… BAM, two teeth.

After that, I never knew she was getting a tooth because she carried on like normal. She’d cut two teeth over lunch and nap like Rip Van Winkle in the afternoon.

My next two children… not so much.

There was drooling, crying, flailing, fussing, and exhaustion. If I didn’t do the things I’m going to talk about in this post, there was no sleeping to be had by anyone!

Now, I recognize the Teething Fuss four rooms away and I am quick to do my part in easing this transition from tooth-under-gum to tooth-looks-like-mountain-peaks-with-valleys-of-skin to a free tooth.

Here’s how babies can cut teeth without losing a lot of sleep.

Note: The “goal” during teething is for baby to cut their teeth with as little pain as possible.

Sleeping is something they need to remain content, but we can never elevate sleeping over their comfort.

How to soothe a teething baby at night

First of all, it’s important to note that just as you would if baby had day/night confusion… don’t turn on all the lights and act like it’s day just because baby is in pain.

Even though baby isn’t sleeping due to their pain, don’t turn on all the lights because this will wake baby up even further and contribute to over tiredness.
Leave the lights low and try to create as soothing an environment as possible.
You can offer pain relief, your finger, and other options (see the bottom of the post) and try to maintain calmness inside yourself as well.
If you offer baby pain relief via Tylenol or Motrin, know it’ll take around 30 minutes to kick in, so during that time you can do baby massage, gentle rocking, and whatever soothing habits your baby loves.
Baby will usually not be up at night with teething every night for a long time, this type of pain is usually reserved for the few short days before the teeth are cut.
Offer the pacifier, this will give baby something to suck on. I recommend these wholeheartedly.

Use our daily baby logs to help you nail down any trends or habits and make some good tweaks.

Expect a regression, but don’t give in to the regression

It should be expected and normal that babies have trouble sleeping when they’re in pain. Everyone has trouble sleeping when they’re in pain.

However, teething can last a long time for each tooth and years before it’s all finished. So while you can expect some pain, fussiness, and difficulty sleeping, work through it as you go and don’t expect the worst.

They will adjust and will get through it.

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Provide comfort and relief immediately before sleep

There are many things on the market now to help relieve baby’s pain.

If the teething is particularly painful I like to give any medicine around 30 minutes before the nap.

This will give the medicine time to work before baby tries to go to sleep on their own. It will also help them transition through active and passive sleep cycles without waking up because of the pain.

Read: The Top 10 Indicators It’s Time to Sleep Train

teething infant chewing on an orange toy

Don’t change basic routine, but be flexible

I don’t change basic routines during teething.

Mainly because teething lasts years. Years, people.

If my baby or toddler has a hard time sleeping, I’ll move up their bedtime that evening by 30 minutes. I’ll also avoid activities that are overly stimulating since they will have a harder time sleeping.

Depending on your baby’s age, a toddler may act as though they’re ready to stop napping.

➡️ Never drop a nap while teething.

If you stop putting your child down to nap – then realize they still need it – they might fight naps long after they’ve popped that tooth. Or teeth.

I know, I write about this all the time.

Sleep Little Lamb (Ages 0-5)

Moms will walk away with a step-by-step sleep plan tailored to their child’s age and needs, designed to improve sleep within 3 days to 2 weeks.

Start Now

Try to avoid starting habits you don’t want to continue

We all want our babies to sleep well.

However, teething is not the time to start doing all the crazy tricks to get your little ones to sleep.

Usually.

If you see a tooth right under the surface and know it’ll cut in a day or two, that might work. But if you suspect teething and don’t see an actual tooth (meaning it’ll likely be weeks) don’t start the parlor tricks.

You may need to rock until drowsy again, spend longer on the nap and bedtime wind down, and even give the pacifier throughout the night though they haven’t ever used it much before.

However, if you find yourself doing this after more than a few days, I’d amp up the pain relief, and stop the sleep tricks.

Since teething lasts for so long, they will get used to the new habits you’re making, and the fewer changes you make the better.

Try to avoid overtiredness

Now, when a baby is in pain it’s hard to sleep.

The harder it is to sleep the less they sleep.

The less they sleep the more tired they get.

Wow. Teething is so much fun it’s like taxes.

By the time you’ve finished with them, it’s time to start again.

Though you don’t want to create entrenched bad habits nor change your routine too drastically to accommodate teething, we should do our best to prevent overtiredness.

Whether it’s moving naptime or bedtime up 30 minutes or letting baby go to sleep in the car once in a while, try to make sure they are still getting good chunks of sleep or the pain will be even harder to take.

Weary To Well

This 10-day reset will help you uncover what’s wearing you down (spoiler: it’s not just lack of sleep), set boundaries without guilt, and finally create space to breathe again. Because burnout isn’t your personality—it’s a signal things need to change.

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Natural Teething Pain Relief Remedies

Frozen food in a mesh feeder (bought this as a gift last month!)
A frozen wet wash cloth
Over the counter pain relief if it gets intense
Wooden toys to chew on
Chewing on a toothbrush (my babies loved this!)
Chilled utensils (like a spoon)
Safe essential oils – you can do more research as to which are the safest.
Nursing
A pacifier
Someone’s finger
Here are more natural teething remedies.

All in all….

Provide pain relief for baby.

Keep the basic routine.

Modify it if baby is exhausted.

Keep baby fed as much as possible.

Wait it out.

5 Problems That Are Solved By Rotating Toys

If your kids have tons of toys, but don’t play for long with any of them, rotating toys is the answer! Read on for tips on toy rotation and why it works.

Have you ever stood in front of your closet and looked at all your clothes and thought….”I have absolutely nothing to wear.”

An entire dresser full of clothes, a whole closet full (perhaps your husband shares 10%) of dresses, skirts, shirts, running shorts, t-shirts… many many t-shirts… and yet there is nothing saying “wear me, oh wear me, I will make you look and feel good today.”

How is it a woman can have a closet full of clothes and still think there is nothing to wear?

Simple.

Because when we say there is nothing to wear, what we really mean is there is nothing new to wear. Your children are no different.

Except for them, it’s toys and not clothes.

I had a friend tell me when I was pregnant with my first that she separated all her toys into 3 bins/baskets/trash bags (whatever suits your fancy) and then let the kids have one bag at a time.

After a week or two, she’d switch.

I thought it sounded like a good way to save some money on toys and since I’m cheap, it stuck in my mind.

Toy Rotation And Why It Works For Kids And Moms

Kids don’t focus when they are “spoilt for choice”

Have you ever noticed your living room has exploded with primary color plastic and yet your toddler goes from one to the other in a matter of seconds and is still bored.

It’s because with all the choice they don’t sit down, dig in and learn to focus and use their imagination.

➡️ Giving your children too many choices will actually encourage them to Toy Hop.

When my kids have independent play time I take out a few toys each day and them fly. They will sit with one or two toys for almost an hour and sing and dance and do who knows what.

Both my oldest son and daughter will sit for thirty minutes looking at their books alone. It seems incredible, but it’s true.

They will actually play longer and focus when they have fewer options.

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It helps keep toys new and fresh

We don’t give our kids all their Christmas presents at once.

I know, we’re mean parents.

We will have certain toys that are always out for play. LEGO at the LEGO table, dress up costumes, and a bunch of cars and trucks for the boys. Excess toys or toys that require more supervision (like craft kits, etc.) we keep in the attic and bring out as we think about it.

Set a reminder on your phone or make a boomerang in your gmail to swap out the toys at a time of your choosing.
Let your child have the gift of thinking that an old toy is new and fresh.
Even toys like blocks that are typically for younger kids, can be used by older ones to build forts or fortresses, walls, or seats.
One key concept that toy rotation accomplishes is novelty.

Read: Age Appropriate Toys For Independent Play

Smooth Start Morning Routines

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stuffed teddy bear that is being rotated

3. You save money

I like to spend more money on experiences rather than things.

Of course, I want my children to have toys so they can play, grow, and use their imagination. One thing that can happen (particularly if we’ve crossed our own boundaries with toys), is that we feel resentful when the kids don’t play with all they have.

This is a sign too many toys are around.

If you are on a budget (or have space limitations in your home) then rotating toys is a great way to save money because the novelty of the few toys you have remain much longer than if they’re on display day in and day out.
Less toys out means you get used to less toys which means you buy less toys.
Having less toys mean you value toys less which means you buy them less.

Read: How To Be A Present Parent

4. Kids learn to use their imagination

Children only really dig in and use their imagination when they have to.

If someone is entertaining them all the time, they will not learn to use their imaginations.

Those who are bombarded by constant streams of media will have less of an imagination than those who don’t. And I don’t mean the kind of imagination that imagines the things they’ve seen on TV, I mean true Anne of Green Gables type imagination and fancy that so enriches a child’s development.

If you send them outside and all they have is a plastic toy house then they come up with all sorts of things to do. It isn’t lazy parenting or neglect to limit their consumer appetites by rotating toys and having fewer on hand, and in fact, it may make them more appreciative of what they’ve already got.

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5. Your house doesn’t turn into an off-location Toys ‘R Us

I know everyone has different opinions on the state of your house when you have children.

Some feel that if it is tidy and in order and there aren’t lots of toys visible that it isn’t “lived in” and children won’t settle in and feel at home.

I don’t really subscribe to this and like to keep a tidy house. Throughout the day there’ll be toys around and pillows and blankets and remotes scattered as little ones are wont to do, but I always make a point to tidy regularly and my kids do help.

I think that you can have a clean, orderly house that is homey and welcoming to your children without being taken over by Fisher Price.

Many women could care less and love to see the toys as evidence of their growing babies and I think that is great for them, they are cultivating and keeping their home to their liking.

As every home should be.

If you are more in the camp that prefers for there to be less visible toys around, then rotating them and keeping them out of sight (except for the ones in use at the time) will surely help.

What’s The Real Difference Between A Midwife And A Doctor In The Delivery Room?

Ever wondered what the difference is between a midwife and a doctor as it relates to pregnancy, labor, delivery, and after care? Here are some things to consider if you are deciding between using a midwife or doula or a doctor.

Of my five births, the first two have been with midwives and the last three with doctors.

For my first birth I was in Scotland, and midwives are the norm.

For my second birth I was in Australia, and midwives are also very common.

For my third, fourth, and fifth births, I was in a rural area in the US and midwives were fewer and further between.

I decided it would be a good study to see the differences in care, expertise and experience between the two and – as it turns out – in my experience there was a huge difference.

Read: How To Choose A Baby Name That’s Meaningful To You

Before we get into the nitty gritty, let’s remember these things…

Midwives are not only for fruity, crunchy granola type moms.
Midwives are also not only for the women who want a drug free childbirth.
Generally, mothers who want a more natural birth will prefer midwives, but that doesn’t mean no pain management.
Geography will often determine which you end up going with due to availability of the midwives and the proximity to the hospital, which is a deciding factor for some.

Read: The Undeniable Benefits Of A Birth Plan (And A Printable)

The Differences Between Using A Midwife Or A Doctor

Read: 5 Things You’ll Use With All Your Babies, Every Day, For Months

Midwives are nurses, and they behave as such

When you go to the OBGYN, who is the first person you see?

A nurse.

Then, after a bit, the doctor comes in for a minutes or two then leaves and you’re done. When you use a midwife, she does it all.

With my first two births I never saw a doctor one single time.

I loved the doctors I had with my last three births, but nurses took on support roles during these births, so it was more like a larger team.

With a midwife, you have a one stop shop.

Doctors don’t tend to be as personal or nurturing simply because of the volume of people they see and their role as the ultimate authority.
Midwives (at least the 6-10 I’ve been seen by in my time) take on the roll of the authority and the nurturer.
If you imagine nurses wiping patients foreheads with cloths and saying kind words, this is how midwives tend to be.

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Midwives seem to focus on you whereas a doctor is more solely focused on the goal

Obviously the doctor’s goal is for a healthy mother and baby, and I am in no way disputing that.

In my experience, it’s been like doctors aim for a healthy baby and mom, but in a more impersonal way.

Midwives focus on you and your baby and you really feel as though they are in it with you, even emotionally speaking. Not that a midwife befriends every patient, but it is has felt for me that the dynamic is one of a type of temporary partnership as opposed to a medical professional/patient.

Midwives are also more focused on your choices and preferences in the birthing process. Not that a doctor ignores your wishes, but it seems they go a little on autopilot and just do what they do. With all my midwives I sat down, discussed my options, asked lots and lots of questions, and wrote out a birth plan.

For both of my first two births, we went with the birth plan fully. For my second delivery, when the doctor kept circling outside trying to give me some pitocin to speed things up my midwife ran interference and kept him at bay since she knew I didn’t want drugs.

I didn’t even find out about this until later, she was protecting my plan and me at the same time.

Midwives think naturally if possible, intervention if strictly necessary

I think generally speaking epidurals are the norm.

At least they were with the OB/GYN group I was with. I don’t mind them one bit because, as I’ve said before, I’m not against drugs on principle.

➡️ However, I am against drugs if they are pushed on me or if anyone assumes I will take them, or be pressured to take them, simply because they are the norm.

Chicken is also the norm and guess what people, I can’t eat it!

With both of the midwife groups I’ve been with natural is very common and it is not the norm to induce childbirth unless necessary.

In both Scotland and Australia (during the time I lived there) they won’t induce until you’re at least 10 days overdue and even then they will try natural methods first, such as a membrane sweep.
In the US, my doctor did a membrane sweep at 38 weeks without asking which induced labor. My son was born two weeks early.
My midwives didn’t encourage drugs to speed up labor, and I felt that just generally had more of a “people deliver babies all the time, women in China come off the rice patty, deliver, stick the baby in a sling, and go back to work” mentality.
In fact, with both midwife pregnancies, I never had an internal check to see if I was dilated or effaced until I went in for delivery.

Midwives don’t do things without asking

As I mentioned here, my doctor in my most recent delivery did a membrane sweep at 38 weeks while doing a routine internal exam.

She said “whoa the baby’s head is very low” and did a membrane sweep.

This is actually a natural form of induction.

And, in fact, I had the baby the next day. While I can’t say I wanted to go another two weeks being pregnant because I felt like I’d been pregnant forever, this is still shocking.

A midwife’s mentality is less “let’s get this baby into the world” and more “things happen in their own time and way, no need to push it.”

Additionally, during delivery after a pushing contraction was finishing and I was leaning back to relax, my doctor did some kind of “helpful” maneuver where she attempted to widen the opening a bit so the next push could be more effective.

It hurt like hades and I said (more meanly than I normally would in a non-labor situation) “what did you just do?” She was genuinely shocked that I even noticed or felt it since she’s used to patients who can’t feel anything.

She apologized and didn’t do it again, but I’d never had that happen before.

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Midwives can come to you

This will depend on where you are, but in both Scotland and Australia my midwives visited me at my home.

In Scotland I went in to the office once a month and then at the end, once every two weeks.

After the birth, they came to the house every few days for a couple of weeks and then again upon request for a few months.

Can you imagine the level of comfort and security this brings to a first time mom?

In Australia my midwife came to my house throughout my pregnancy for the routine checks and I only went in to the hospital for ultrasounds (two), the glucose test, and to deliver.

Now, if you’re having a home birth you would go in even less. Afterwards the midwives came to the house to check me and the baby. I have to say this is an amazing thing. Here in Florida where I delivered my last baby I had to drive an hour for every appointment, which is once a week near the end, and there are definitely no visits. Visits aren’t mandatory, but they are so convenient.

I mean really, who wants to leave the house with a newborn to drive an hour for a five-minute appointment?

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So to recap…

So, this isn’t a technical list nor will it mirror everyone’s experiences, but I have to say that I prefer midwife delivery. I liked my doctor and would recommend her to others seeking a doctor, but if you are at all keen to try a midwife then I’d suggest you go for it.

Midwives help you feel in control of the situation and less dependent. After all, you are doing the work.

Midwives give you a confidence that you are doing it all and in control and they are simply there to catch the baby.
I am a proponent of natural birth – though I have nothing against drugs – and I have found that midwives are more confident and used to delivering babies without drugs so they don’t naturally push things on you.
With a doctor I almost felt that I had to justify my preferences.

So, as you may have guessed without having to read this whole post, going with a midwife felt more natural and having a doctor felt more medical.

But either way at the end of the day, a healthy baby is – in fact – the goal!

The Undeniable Benefits Of A Birth Plan (And A Printable!)

Thinking you may want a birth plan to give your doctors, nurses, or midwives? That’s a great idea. Here’s why birth plans are important and a printable for you to write your own.

I can already feel you guys thinking that birth plans are for (a) hippies and granolas, (2) scaredy cats, and (d) control freaks

(5 points if you know where a,2,d comes from… I’ll give you a hint… Macaulay Culkin, the Wet Bandits and Christmas).

➡️ Actually, birth plans are immensely helpful tools convenient for both yourself and your caregiver.

I met a lady at McDonald’s last week who said labor with her 9th baby was by far the easiest.

She dropped her kids off at school at 7:30 am, had the baby with her midwife at 10:30 am, and made it to school pick-up in the afternoon.

Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is what I call Planned Parenthood.

Labor and delivery doesn’t always go to plan, of course, but often it does. This is why it’s important to have a plan.

Some truths about labor and delivery and birth plans:

For low-risk uncomplicated labor and deliveries, you will most likely be able to determine how things go.
Your birth plan will also include your wishes if things don’t go as easy as you’d like.
Being informed makes labor more comfortable.
Being informed and understanding what is happening in labor helps you concentrate and labor effectively without the extreme fear and dismay that comes when we just “go with the flow.”

Read on for reasons to create a birth plan and to get your free printable.

The Undeniable Benefits Of A Birth Plan (And A Printable!)

[Read more…]

How to Choose a Baby Name That’s Meaningful To You

If you are pregnant expectant parenting and wondering what on earth you’ll call your bundle of joy, here are some thoughts on how to choose a baby name that’ll work for your family. Preferably by your due date.

How does one go about choosing a baby name?

Have you been there?

You have a list of 5 awesome names, and your spouse is like.

NO.

VETO.

NOT HAPPENING.

With one of my babies, we didn’t have a name until a week before he was born.

With another, we didn’t name him until after he was born.

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How To Choose A Meaningful Baby Name

Here are some tried and true ways to choose awesome baby names.

1. Choose names that run in the family, even way back

A great way to start thinking about names is to get family members to make lists of all the names they can think of that run in the family in both genders.

You may find a name or two you’d forgotten about but that are timeless.

I think this is a great tradition and being able to keep a name running in the family is special.

My grandfather (who I was very close to) was named Buford.

Now, that was way big back in the 1920’s but just not something I wanted to inflict on my son. Nor did I think papa would mind.

So, I shortened Buford to Ford and, voila, my son’s middle name was born.

You don’t have to confine yourself to family names or carry down a name to the fifth generation (is that not reserved for royalty?) but sentimentality has its place.

Look on ancestry.com and scour your family tree. You’ll likely find some gems that stand out among the crowd, and it’ll help narrow down the top runners.
Text family members and ask about their aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents growing up. The goal is to get a high volume of names.

Biblical names are like this.

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2) Choose a baby name based on its meaning

I must admit, I cared less about the meaning of names than my husband did, at first.

Sure, I wouldn’t name my child something that had its origin in the word evil or ugly, but I wasn’t aiming for a name that meant something special.

My husband, however, didn’t want the name to simply be neutral, but he wanted it to be a proclamation over our child.

We had a name chosen for our daughter until the day before she was born. After researching the meaning more, we realized the first name we had chosen also meant Temptress.

Well…

That wasn’t something I wanted on a banner over her head. Ha! We changed the name and – the very next day – she came into the world early.

She was waiting on her real name.

Start to think of adjectives that mean something to you and then search names that go along with those.
You may be stuck between a few names and the meaning could push one over the top for you.
Google “girl names that are flowers” or “names that mean beautiful” and it’ll help you narrow down the options.

Read: Baby Names Finder

mom holding baby, choosing a baby name you love

3) Decide whether you’re willing to choose a super trendy name

Names come and they go.

Some, like Nancy or Jessica, tell you what age someone is without seeing their face.

Some are more classic. They come and go in popularity, but they’ll never be “so 2019” because they were here long before and will be here long after.

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Sometimes their popularity ebbs and flows, but they are classic and traditional enough (in most languages) to stand the test of time.

➡️ Peter, Pedro, Pietro, Pater, all forms of the same name popular worldwide.

Names that are unique and high up on a year’s particular list will be less likely to be timeless. And that’s okay. Just know what you’re getting into it before you do.
Names that are “nickname” variations of a longer name (i.e. Archie is the legal name, not Archibald) give no room for tweaking as the child ages.
In the interesting book Freakonomics
, they posture that celebrity names travel up and down the socioeconomic spectrum. So choosing a celebrity name one decade might mean classy, and the next might mean “trashy.” Not sure about this, but interesting thought.

My grandmother said there were at least 5 Hazels in her classes growing up.

She was Hazel T.

There was Hazel R. and Hazel S., etc. etc. etc.

white onesie baby on floor, choosing a baby name

4) Choose a baby name that can’t be twisted into something noticeably embarrassing or rude

Does it rhyme with stupid, ugly, fat or witch?

If so, I’d rethink your decision.

Of course, there will be a myriad of ways for mean middle schoolers to make fun of your sweet innocent children. That’s why we don’t need to add fuel to the fire.

Ask yourself these questions…

Is this a name I want to give to express MY creative outside the box thinking? Will my child appreciate that?

Will my child hate this name as they grow up?

Am I choosing a spelling that is going to irritate them forever?

My mother’s maiden name was Rachels, hence my name, Rachel.

I used to think I should change my name to Rachel Rachels.

That’s weird, huh? I still think it would have been cool.

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Baby Name FAQ

We can’t decide on a baby name. Help!

One of our babies we could not choose a name, so we waited until he was actually born. Like, I was holding him.

The nurses will try to force you to find a name before their shift change (#askmehowIknow) but legally you have at least a few weeks (if not much longer) to choose. Don’t stress. It’ll come to you.

My husband and I cannot agree on a baby name. Ugh!

I feel this. My husband likes to joke that we are like that Blake Shelton country song… I name the babies, he names the dogs.

Is your husband vetoing all your choices, or is he offering up some of his own? Why not make a list (both of you) of 20 or so baby names that you like/are okay with, then work on narrowing it down together.

There IS a name you’ll both love. And you can always compromise on middle and first names, who gets to choose which.

We think our parents and family members will hate the baby name we have chosen, what should we do?

Our dear friend and former nanny just went through this. They decided to not tell family until the baby was born.

They kept it a secret and, at birth, announced the name. At that point, no one could argue. It was hard and they got snarky comments for 6 months or so about the secret, but they were so happy they did.

What if we choose a baby name and end up hating it?

No biggie. Just legally change it.

It’d be a lot of paperwork, but if you choose a name you really hate, you can always change it. Hope that helps take some pressure off.

Organizing A Diaper Bag: What To Include & How To Organize It

Inside are tips on organizing a diaper bag so you can get to everything and not leave the important stuff at home.

At the height of diaper-ness in our home… we had 5 kids under 5 years of age. So that was like 3 kids in diapers at once basically, give or take.

Yikes. Let the games begin.

Previously, I’ve had an absolute love/hate relationship with the diaper bag because it was unorganized, either full of more things than I didn’t need or lacking the things I did.

Plus, I kept finding month old teething crackers or banana peels in random pockets.

That had to be remedied.

I decided that my diaper bag – my lifeline while out and about on errands with little ones – needed to work for me instead of be a disorganized mess.

diaper bag organizers - diaper bag inserts

Diaper Bag Organization Consists Of:

the diaper bag itself
inserts that help organize the diaper bag
snacks/drinks for kids
wallet/money for mom

Read: The No Tears Approach to Running Errands and Doing Appointments With Baby

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The Instinctual Reason Kids Don’t Do What You Say

Inside: We all know what kids need to feel secure, but did you know that there’s an inbuilt mechanism that encourages kids to NOT do what we say? It’s true. If you’ve ever wondered why they don’t just mind you, this may help.

The aftermath of a tornado. Rubble and debris everywhere.

That is what my 3 year old’s room looked like after his independent play.

A pack of wipes had been half-emptied, there were blocks in every corner, trucks in lines on the floor, a rocking chair turned upside down to be used as a tunnel, an entire dresser drawer’s contents spread on the ground as he pulled everything out to find a dry pair of undies.

dad and son with boxes with sad faces on it sitting beside each other

It was chaos.

And it may surprise you to know… this doesn’t bother me. Why?

I don’t care if they make a mess as long as they clean it all up when they’re finished.

There is no better way to teach the principle of cause and effect and natural consequences. Anyway, I told him to clean it all up. He knows these are the rules. He understands. But that day, oh no.

“Cyean it up?” [throws self on floor and wails] “I can’t cyean it up by myself. You cyean it up.”

I calmly replied, “You made the mess, you clean it up. Shall I direct you?”

He then said, “No!!!!! I never cyean it up.”

(… This is the point at which many moms start feeling the friction. The emotions inside rising. The anger and frustration that comes when your child just doesn’t do what you want…)

So I calmly told him (because we can be calm moms), “You can come out of your room as soon as it’s clean. Until then you must stay,” then I went about my business.

There was crying, flailing, and a general resistance to my request.

Read: 5 Handy Things Mothers of Preschoolers Should Know

So what was the instinctual force happening inside my son?

Counter-will.

“Counterwill is a name for the instinctive reaction of a child to resist being controlled. This resistance can take many forms: opposition, negativism, laziness, noncompliance, disrespect, lack of motivation, belligerence, incorrigibility and even antisocial attitudes and actions.

It can also express itself in resistance to learning. Despite the multitude of manifestations, the underlying dynamic is deceptively simple – a defensive reaction to perceived control or coercion.” (source)

Essentially, we are all born not wanting other people to control us. I do not advocate letting children decide what’s best for them, but I do think we can understand the counter-will to save household frustration.

Read: Toddler Behavior Stressing You Out? Reset With These Simple Tips

What I’m not saying:

we should let kids make all their own decisions
we shouldn’t have rules and boundaries
we should be scared of activating their counter-will

What I am saying:

we can guide our children’s behavior without forced coercion most of the time
we can give choices without giving away our authority
we can understand how kids’ minds work

What the Counter-will Is And How To Work With It

So let’s dive into how we can parent around this thing called counter-will.

Give Clear Choices

The idea for gaining cooperation is not to command then expect blind obedience, but to give your children the choice to obey. Because it is right, good, and in their best interests.

We aren’t trying to program little children to do mindlessly obey all grownups. We want them to understand they can argue without backtalk. We want them to express their feelings, even if it is a lot to handle.

We want them to learn to obey our word because they trust us.

When we give choices instead of ultimatums we give our child a chance to choose obedience.

When we issue a command, their counter-will bypasses their thinking and they often retreat into defiance.

Read: How To Live Within Your Limits And Hold Your Boundaries

It’s time to go to church on Sunday morning and your child needs to put their shoes on and get in the van.

You can say, “Put your shoes on and get in the van right now.“

This will likely draw out counter-will in your kids who don’t want to be rushed or told what to do. They’ll exert control by dilly dallying, hem hawing, back-talking, and whining.

Alternatively, you could say something like, “It’s time to go to church. Put on your shoes and get in the van or we’ll be late. If we’re too late you’ll miss your chance to go to the kids group so you’ll have to sit with us in the service.”

Now if your kids always sit with you, you’d find something different. If they like the kids church that’s an incentive for them to hurry up so they don’t miss it.

The example is random and applies to our particular Sunday situation, but you could choose anything that works with your family.

The point is:

give them a choice to (a) obey or (b) choose not to obey and experience certain consequences
do not present your request as one direct command unless it is something truly important like “Get away from the road” or “Put down the knife.”

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

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Offer Incentives or Disincentives

So I often use incentives or disincentives with my kids. Because I’ve had 5 in 5 years, I’m not tying everyone’s shoes, putting on everyone’s coats and buckling them all in the car individually.

My kids can do many things that surprise others. It’s how life works with us. It has its drawbacks, however.

Sometimes I need 4 kids to do what I need them to do when I need them to do it.

So I often give incentives. This may be called bribing to some, but I view it as incentivizing the behavior I want to see.

Or disincentivizing the behavior I don’t want. This is how this may play out in our home. Note: I’ll often use the “next thing” (the South African way) as the incentive.

“Okay, kids, we’re going to the park. I need everyone’s shoes on, bottoms in seats, buckled in and ready.

If you have dilly dallied, when we get to the park you’ll sit by me on the bench for 5 minutes while everyone else plays.”

Either way they’re getting in. I’m not threatening no park, but I’m threatening having to get there and wait. This helps them to take the decision into their own hands and decide what they’d prefer.

Don’t Be A Drama Queen

One of the worst things about being an angry mom is that it blows a situation out of proportion.

You freak out over something relatively minor (like your child pulling down his pants and peeing in public, say… I’m not saying this happens, I’m not saying it doesn’t) and pretty soon your child doesn’t know what is big and what isn’t.

If you want to get your child to do something, say your piece in a calm and authoritative voice then let them decide their own actions.

“You can do your chores now and then watch cartoons for a bit or you can not do your chores and not watch cartoons.”

That’s it. There really is no need for fanfare or discussion.

Read: Time In Vs. Time Out … and is Time Out Damaging Kids?

Bye, Bye Backtalk

Backtalk isn’t just annoying—it’s draining, discouraging, and makes even the simplest requests feel like full-blown negotiations. This workshop will give you a step-by-step plan to stop the constant pushback and start building respectful, two-way communication with your kids. Because when you know how to hold boundaries and help your child feel heard, the fight fizzles—and connection takes its place.

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Say Your Piece and Walk Away

This is extremely effective. I don’t mean to walk away as though you are leaving them alone in punishment. No. Simply walk away about your business.

Sometimes kids need dignity and space to decide they will obey. It’s nearly impossible for them to do this with an adult towering over them, hands on hips, and a scowl.

“We’re in the backyard playing. If you’ll finish your homework like I’ve asked, we’d love you to join us!” Then you go outside.

This leaves your child to weigh pros and cons, think about cause and effect, and work through their frustration.

So back to my 3-year-old… after about 20 minutes or flailing and wailing and all manner of protestations, he started cleaning.

He put his toys away, fixed his chair (as best he could), put pillows back on his bed, and put his clothes away. He called to me from the door with a happy voice, “Mommy, I cyeaned my room! Can I come out now?”

“Sure, baby, go play,” I said, and he gave me a kiss as he ran off.

Clean room: √

Obedience as a choice by him: √

Happy mom and son: √

What to Say When Your Kids Act Out In Public

A great phrase to use (that I got while reading this book). I highly recommend it as a book on how to shepherd your child’s heart.

Your son receives a nice gift from a relative on his birthday. And he says nothing.

You turn to him and say, “Can you say thank you?“

He gives a blank stare and says nothing…

You repeat, “Say thank you, please, let’s be polite.”

No response. You turn red. He remains calm in the face of your embarrassment.

The giver of the gift is also uncomfortable because you’ve chosen this time to enforce a manners lesson.

But there’s a better way…

what-to-say-when-your-kids-act-out-in-publi

Instead of getting into a power struggle in front of another person, embarrassing them, shaming your child, and making yourself look silly, use this phrase.

“We’re working on it”

This implies that you know the polite thing to do, it doesn’t ask the other person to standby while you try to force your child to say something.

And it gives you a teaching opportunity to address later.

It gives your child a chance

If you’re trying to force your child to do something, the most common reaction will usually be the complete opposite of your command.

This is called counter will.

Counter will is the instinctive reaction of a child to resist being controlled. If they sense you are backing them into a corner, their instinctive response will be to avoid giving you want you want.

While inconvenient in the moment, this can actually be a great thing. It means your child has a will of their own. Still, it’s annoying.

However, by using “we’re working on it” you are taking the pressure off the situation. You’re giving your child have a chance to do what is expected with dignity and without the shame of you standing over them pointing a finger.

Discipline with Dignity

Discipline shouldn’t feel like a battle or a shot in the dark. This workshop gives you a clear, balanced plan for setting boundaries that build respect and responsibility—without yelling, harsh punishments, or constant power struggles.

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It gives opportunity to practice at home

My son started refusing to say hello or thank you to others. While it felt rude to me, I know he wasn’t trying to be rude.

He was just nervous.

After a few times of activating his counter will, I wizened up. I started practicing situations at home he was likely to encounter in public. I practiced greeting adults, saying thank you for a gift, and thank you for a compliment.

While practicing with him I could tell he didn’t fully understand what I expected him to do. After a few practices before getting into the car, going to church or meeting up with family, he got it!

Now, when we practice it’s a quick refresher and he’s he’s much better at responding, though he is still nervous.

Some personality types are more nervous than others, this one and this one, for example.

Read: Toddler Behavior Stressing You Out? Reset With These Simple Tips

It gets to the heart of the matter

Instead of focusing on what they’re supposed to say or do in the moment, by saying “we’re working on it” you’re creating a teaching opportunity.

When I was able to explain – away from the eyes of others – why it’s important we say “thank you” my son understood. He doesn’t have to hug and kiss strangers, but he does need to respond when spoken to.

Not in front of others, not in a way that shames or embarrasses your child, but at home I have conversations with the kids explaining why it’s important we thank people.

What gratitude really means. Or why it’s polite to answer questions when asked. And eye contact. These are lessons best taught in a non-pressurized environment.

Loving Authority

Being in charge doesn’t mean being harsh or heavy-handed—it means being steady, clear, and confident. This workshop will help you understand what healthy authority really looks like. When you know how to show up as a secure, grounded leader, your kids feel safe, and everyone starts listening.

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It shows your child you won’t flip out

There’s a temptation to blow up any situation bigger than it is. We mothers often lose grip on our emotions. Children don’t inherently understand many things and, in the moment, it’s usually better to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Public shaming definitely doesn’t work, and now that you know about counter will, you’ll see that approach isn’t very fruitful.

There’s a difference between childishness and obstinence, and before we make a big deal about something we need to be doing adequate preparation and training at home.

So unless your child habitually disobeys, defies, and actually puts some attitude behind it just keep pressing onward.

**So to recap here are some situations in which you could use “we’re working on it”:**

When a child doesn’t respond politely.
When asked by a stranger or other person to do something they don’t know how to do or don’t want to do.
When given the look because of your child’s inappropriate behavior or loud voice.
If a teacher relays to you your child’s bad behavior in front of your child.

Sources:

A Printable Newborn Feeding Chart That Works Like A Charm

Inside you’ll find all you need to know to put into a newborn feeding chart and then have a printable one for yourself! Whether or not you are interested in sleep training, this will get you started on a great solid routine.

I gave birth to my firstborn in a hospital in Aberdeenshire, Scotland.

With a midwife whom I’d never met.

It all happened so fast and no one thought I was actually near 10 cm because they hadn’t checked dilation since I wasn’t in much pain. Must not be close, they assumed.

But really I’m a redhead and my pain signals are all jacked up so then it was go time before we knew it.

“But I don’t even have the paperwork ready…” she said in a sort of sweet and confused voice.

“IT’LL WAIT!” I yelled.

Fast forward a few days…

Fast forward a few days and I was ready to start tracking my baby’s feeds. I couldn’t remember which side she had fed from or if she was feeding enough and I felt stressed.

I wanted to write it down and keep it in her nursery. So I used a pen and a little notepad and over the next few weeks kept diligent track to make sure things seemed okay.

They were!

Read: The ultimate newborn napping, feeding, and sleeping schedule

Basic Feeding Tips For The Early Weeks

(Psst… you can scroll down and get your free downloadable newborn feeding chart).

newborn baby in newborn swaddling blanket with pink and blue hat being held by mom

Here are some basic rules of thumb when it comes to feeding newborns. Talk to your pediatrician or nursing consultant if you have any issues, but for most babies these principles will help you have a calm, contented baby.

Read: 8 reasons you’ve got a fussy whiny little one

Focus On Filling Baby Up

Newborns are sleepy. They want to feed a bit then nod off. This is not a good idea for a few reasons, listed below.

To keep track of whether or not your baby is taking full feeds, scroll down and get your free newborn feeding chart so you can keep track.

Babies do not get the breast milk most rich in fat and calories (the hind milk) because if they nurse for a short period they’re only getting the fore milk (less density which means less filling).
Also, they will not go into a deep sleep (which takes around 20 minutes) and then when they transition through sleep cycles (around 45 minutes or so after they’ve gone to sleep) they’ll wake up out of hunger.
You will be feeding baby every hour all day long.

Related Reads:

Feed Unswaddled By Day And Swaddled By Night

We want our babies to know the difference between night and day so they’ll have their wake times in the day and sleepy time at night.

This means that we create certain associations with being awake and other associations with sleep. One of those is the swaddle. You should swaddle from Day One because this will decrease the likelihood your baby “fights the swaddle.”

I had 5 babies and none fought the swaddle because we did it from Day One and there simply wasn’t an option.

Babies who are not swaddled will wake frequently or nap lighter since the startle reflex (moro reflex) will cause their arms to rise up and “startle.”

If they aren’t in a deep sleep cycle this might be enough to wake them.

During the day unswaddle them to feed so you’re communicating wake time. At night, unswaddle the bottom of their swaddle (the swaddles perfect for this shown below) to change their diaper, then reswaddle them and feed swaddled. This means baby will essentially sleep through the feed. Voila!

Read: How to clear up daytime and nighttime confusion in babies

Bring Baby To You, Don’t Lean Towards Baby

Those midwives in Scotland had it going on. Not only did they give you all the logistics while you were in the hospital, they visited you for a few weeks AT HOME during the postpartum period.

You could ask them absolutely anything about anything and they helped make it all work. One thing they gave me in my welcome packet was a DVD on how to get baby to latch properly.

With 5 babies I have had 0 issues with latching on and I’m telling you this works.

Instead of leaning down onto baby, position the breast and the baby’s head so that you push the baby onto your breast.

This means your bringing baby where the milk is, not trying to bring the milk down to baby. And, it means this will make for a better latch.

Sleep Little Lamb (Ages 0-5)

Moms will walk away with a step-by-step sleep plan tailored to their child’s age and needs, designed to improve sleep within 3 days to 2 weeks.

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Related Reads:

newborn baby lying on white blanket with hands folded up

Example Daily Rhythm

Newborns have tiny tummies. You’ll be feeding baby around the clock for weeks at a time. However, by giving full feeds and keeping baby awake during feeds (which can be a feat) you’ll be able to increase the time between feeds providing baby with more restorative naps.

Initially you want to aim for feeding baby every 2.5 to 3 hours. So you may feed at 6 am, 8:30 am, 11:00 am, then 2:00 p.m.

The only reasons baby should feed less than 2.5 hours apart are these:

Baby is not feeding enough at each feed (not getting calorie rich hind milk or enough ounces of formula)
They are going through a growth spurt.
You are cluster feeding in late afternoon early evening on purpose.

Read: The Easy Peasy Newborn Routine That Makes For Happy Babies

A Printable Chart That Works Like A Charm

I’ve created a newborn feeding chart below where you can record what times your baby is feeding and use that to find a good rhythm for you and your baby.

Read: The Dreamfeed: The Why, The How, & When To Stop

Read: Cocooning a Newborn & 7 Reasons Why it Can Be Good For The Family

Self-Care That Sticks

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Is baby sleeping okay?

Baby bedtime can begin to feel like an actual nightmare.

Moms just want baby to sleep well. You just want to have some peace and quiet after a long day of momming and yet you are spending so much time trying to comfort an exhausted baby and wondering where it all went to pot.

Because moms with babies are busy (and tired) I created a set of nitty gritty baby sleep checklists that get straight to the point.

Things to look for if your baby is sick.
Habits to check if your baby won’t sleep at night.
What to do if your baby won’t go back to sleep at night.
And so much more!

It’s not usually some major problem that’s causing baby sleep issues, it’s usually something small. Use these checklists and get some clarity today.

Sources:

The Smart Bedtime Routine Your Toddler Won’t Fight

Inside: The smart bedtime routine your toddler will enjoy. Also, here are some awesome wind down routines to help baby go to bed well, but what about your energetic toddler. .

Something happens at bedtime to toddlers…

Instead of feeling tired, they become wide awake.

Instead of being ready for story time they want to run naked around the house screaming.

Then, instead of singing soft lullabies with you they flail and fight and just don’t want any part of it.

Bedtime… it’s a dadgum battle to get these kids into bed.

You envisioned bedtime being something fairytale like and magical, but really it consists of these things:

running (them away from you and you to catch them)
tears (yours and theirs)
yelling (you and them)
anger (them at having to go to bed, you at them fighting bedtime)

You get the idea. It is a bit dicey sometimes with these amazingly cuddly and cute toddlers. But, you know, it doesn’t have to be this way.

You can craft a toddler bedtime routine your kids will love that will help get the most cooperation from them as possible.

They may not love every minute of bedtime, but hopefully they won’t fight it as much.

Read: The Tried-And-True 1 Year Old Sleep Schedule

The Smart Bedtime Routine Your Toddler Will Love

Step 1: Pre-Bed Similarities

As is the key to many things with toddlers, routine is very important. Your children will get into habits and routines that serve them well if you are consistent.

This does not mean doing the same exact thing each evening, but having groups of things that you regularly rotate.

You may play board games as a family or have devotions (we love this book for preschoolers). There may be some time of gentle play – or who are we kidding, roughhousing – before the bedtime goes into full swing.

You’ll probably want to avoid running errands, visiting rowdy friends, or always having commitments at this time of evening. It will prevent your child from being able to properly do Step 2.

Step 2: The Wind Down

Wind down routines are intensely important.

Just because you know 7:30 p.m. is bedtime doesn’t mean your toddler’s eyes are drooping and they’re ready to sleep.

Likely, they are not.

The way you gain cooperation from your child in the bedtime arena is to help them wind down naturally so they are actually allowing their minds to recognize their bodies’ fatigue.

Read: The Crucial Elements of a Rock-Solid Toddler Schedule

Here are some things commonly done at bedtime to help your toddler wind down:

warm bath
drying off
putting on lotion
brushing teeth
turning the lights down low
closing curtains, windows, or blinds
turning on white noise (that’s my favorite and it’s a free app)
singing nurser rhymes or other calm songs
rocking in a chair together
reading books
praying

They will look different at your house, but remember, you want to do things at bedtime that help lower children’s heart rates.. not bring them up.

Read: 28 Things To Try If Baby Won’t Sleep and tips for your 2 year old sleep regression.

0-5, 6-12

Goodnight Bedtime Battles

This workshop will give you a simple, sanity-saving bedtime system that actually works—one that helps your kids wind down, fall asleep without endless stalling, and stay asleep (so you can finally get some rest).

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Remember, you need to choose a time for your toddler bedtime routine that isn’t too late because a later bedtime will contribute to night terrors, sleepwalking, and evening wake ups.

Watch my video on the 2 year sleep regression if you think you’re going through it.

Step 3: Logistics

It can be tricky doing the bedtime jig.

I have 5 kids (ages 5, 4, 3, 2, and 5 months) so I get it.

The hardest part? Keeping some of them “wound down” and accounted for while you’re putting the others in bed. The way forward?

First, learn to corral.
Teach your toddlers and preschoolers to follow their own routine using something like these printable routine cards.
Close doors. If you are putting to bed a 2 year old but need your 4 year old quiet, let him have some Quiet Room to Play until you come.

printable bedtime routine cards for toddlers — *Printable (and customizable) routine cards*

Conversely, if you are putting to bed a 4 year old put your 1 year old in his crib with a few toys until you get there.
Divide and conquer. My husband and I usually like to give each child their own bedtime routine. So he takes 2, I take the other 2, and I take the baby. If kids share in the future it may pan out differently, but for now we feel good having those few minutes alone with each child.

Step 4: Bonding and Alone Time

If you have a few kids and struggle with guilt knowing they don’t get tons of individual time from you, be encouraged. There are ways to squeeze it in throughout the day and bedtime is one of them.

Even if your two kids share a room, do one routine with a child and put that one to bed while the other reads a book quietly or does another one of these calm down hacks.

Bedtime, like no other, is a good time for interesting conversation. You’ll hear all kinds of things about school or their Deep Thoughts or worries and fears.

Moms or dads feel tempted to hurry this phase and have their own down time, but the quickest way for your child to drift into sleep is to help them feel safe and secure.

And if they don’t feel this way, you’ll have a lot more bedtime battles on your hands.

Read: How to find time to spend individually with your kids