If you are pregnant expectant parenting and wondering what on earth you’ll call your bundle of joy, here are some thoughts on how to choose a baby name that’ll work for your family. Preferably by your due date.
How does one go about choosing a baby name?
Have you been there?
You have a list of 5 awesome names, and your spouse is like.
NO.
VETO.
NOT HAPPENING.
With one of my babies, we didn’t have a name until a week before he was born.
With another, we didn’t name him until after he was born.
Family life shouldn’t feel like a blur of to-do lists that leave you wondering if the memories are even sticking. This workshop helps you define your family’s core values and create simple, meaningful traditions that bring everyone closer without adding pressure.
Here are some tried and true ways to choose awesome baby names.
Mom Problem Solving Worksheet
pinpoint an issue
draw out how it’s affecting you
label what you don’t like about it
determine areas of responsibility
figure out how it’s showing up
say what you’d rather happen
brainstorm solutions
1. Choose names that run in the family, even way back
A great way to start thinking about names is to get family members to make lists of all the names they can think of that run in the family in both genders.
You may find a name or two you’d forgotten about but that are timeless.
I think this is a great tradition and being able to keep a name running in the family is special.
My grandfather (who I was very close to) was named Buford.
Now, that was way big back in the 1920’s but just not something I wanted to inflict on my son. Nor did I think papa would mind.
So, I shortened Buford to Ford and, voila, my son’s middle name was born.
You don’t have to confine yourself to family names or carry down a name to the fifth generation (is that not reserved for royalty?) but sentimentality has its place.
Look on ancestry.com and scour your family tree. You’ll likely find some gems that stand out among the crowd, and it’ll help narrow down the top runners.
Text family members and ask about their aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents growing up. The goal is to get a high volume of names.
You and your co-parent (spouse, ex, step, etc.) won’t always see eye to eye—but that doesn’t mean parenting has to feel like a constant battle. This workshop will help you communicate clearly, find common ground, and handle disagreements without drama, so you can focus on raising great kids instead of fighting over the details. Because parenting differences are normal, but constant conflict doesn’t have to be.
I must admit, I cared less about the meaning of names than my husband did, at first.
Sure, I wouldn’t name my child something that had its origin in the word evil or ugly, but I wasn’t aiming for a name that meant something special.
My husband, however, didn’t want the name to simply be neutral, but he wanted it to be a proclamation over our child.
We had a name chosen for our daughter until the day before she was born. After researching the meaning more, we realized the first name we had chosen also meant Temptress.
Well…
That wasn’t something I wanted on a banner over her head. Ha! We changed the name and – the very next day – she came into the world early.
She was waiting on her real name.
Start to think of adjectives that mean something to you and then search names that go along with those.
You may be stuck between a few names and the meaning could push one over the top for you.
Google “girl names that are flowers” or “names that mean beautiful” and it’ll help you narrow down the options.
Family life shouldn’t feel like a constant race. This workshop helps you build a balanced, sustainable pace that handles responsibilities while making space for rest, connection, and what really matters.
Sometimes their popularity ebbs and flows, but they are classic and traditional enough (in most languages) to stand the test of time.
➡️ Peter, Pedro, Pietro, Pater, all forms of the same name popular worldwide.
Names that are unique and high up on a year’s particular list will be less likely to be timeless. And that’s okay. Just know what you’re getting into it before you do.
Names that are “nickname” variations of a longer name (i.e. Archie is the legal name, not Archibald) give no room for tweaking as the child ages.
In the interesting book Freakonomics, they posture that celebrity names travel up and down the socioeconomic spectrum. So choosing a celebrity name one decade might mean classy, and the next might mean “trashy.” Not sure about this, but interesting thought.
My grandmother said there were at least 5 Hazels in her classes growing up.
She was Hazel T.
There was Hazel R. and Hazel S., etc. etc. etc.
4) Choose a baby name that can’t be twisted into something noticeably embarrassing or rude
Does it rhyme with stupid, ugly, fat or witch?
If so, I’d rethink your decision.
Of course, there will be a myriad of ways for mean middle schoolers to make fun of your sweet innocent children. That’s why we don’t need to add fuel to the fire.
Ask yourself these questions…
Is this a name I want to give to express MY creative outside the box thinking? Will my child appreciate that?
Will my child hate this name as they grow up?
Am I choosing a spelling that is going to irritate them forever?
Self-Care Routine Tracker
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
My mother’s maiden name was Rachels, hence my name, Rachel.
I used to think I should change my name to Rachel Rachels.
That’s weird, huh? I still think it would have been cool.
One of our babies we could not choose a name, so we waited until he was actually born. Like, I was holding him.
The nurses will try to force you to find a name before their shift change (#askmehowIknow) but legally you have at least a few weeks (if not much longer) to choose. Don’t stress. It’ll come to you.
My husband and I cannot agree on a baby name. Ugh!
I feel this. My husband likes to joke that we are like that Blake Shelton country song… I name the babies, he names the dogs.
Is your husband vetoing all your choices, or is he offering up some of his own? Why not make a list (both of you) of 20 or so baby names that you like/are okay with, then work on narrowing it down together.
There IS a name you’ll both love. And you can always compromise on middle and first names, who gets to choose which.
We think our parents and family members will hate the baby name we have chosen, what should we do?
Our dear friend and former nanny just went through this. They decided to not tell family until the baby was born.
They kept it a secret and, at birth, announced the name. At that point, no one could argue. It was hard and they got snarky comments for 6 months or so about the secret, but they were so happy they did.
What if we choose a baby name and end up hating it?
No biggie. Just legally change it.
Self-Care Routine Tracker
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
It’d be a lot of paperwork, but if you choose a name you really hate, you can always change it. Hope that helps take some pressure off.
Inside are tips on organizing a diaper bag so you can get to everything and not leave the important stuff at home.
At the height of diaper-ness in our home… we had 5 kids under 5 years of age. So that was like 3 kids in diapers at once basically, give or take.
Yikes. Let the games begin.
Previously, I’ve had an absolute love/hate relationship with the diaper bag because it was unorganized, either full of more things than I didn’t need or lacking the things I did.
Plus, I kept finding month old teething crackers or banana peels in random pockets.
That had to be remedied.
I decided that my diaper bag – my lifeline while out and about on errands with little ones – needed to work for me instead of be a disorganized mess.
Inside: We all know what kids need to feel secure, but did you know that there’s an inbuilt mechanism that encourages kids to NOT do what we say? It’s true. If you’ve ever wondered why they don’t just mind you, this may help.
The aftermath of a tornado. Rubble and debris everywhere.
That is what my 3 year old’s room looked like after his independent play.
A pack of wipes had been half-emptied, there were blocks in every corner, trucks in lines on the floor, a rocking chair turned upside down to be used as a tunnel, an entire dresser drawer’s contents spread on the ground as he pulled everything out to find a dry pair of undies.
It was chaos.
And it may surprise you to know… this doesn’t bother me. Why?
I don’t care if they make a mess as long as they clean it all up when they’re finished.
There is no better way to teach the principle of cause and effect and natural consequences. Anyway, I told him to clean it all up. He knows these are the rules. He understands. But that day, oh no.
“Cyean it up?” [throws self on floor and wails] “I can’t cyean it up by myself. You cyean it up.”
I calmly replied, “You made the mess, you clean it up. Shall I direct you?”
He then said, “No!!!!! I never cyean it up.”
(… This is the point at which many moms start feeling the friction. The emotions inside rising. The anger and frustration that comes when your child just doesn’t do what you want…)
So I calmly told him (because we can be calm moms), “You can come out of your room as soon as it’s clean. Until then you must stay,” then I went about my business.
There was crying, flailing, and a general resistance to my request.
Start brainstorming rules to make your family life more peaceful, connected, and strong!
So what was the instinctual force happening inside my son?
Counter-will.
“Counterwill is a name for the instinctive reaction of a child to resist being controlled. This resistance can take many forms: opposition, negativism, laziness, noncompliance, disrespect, lack of motivation, belligerence, incorrigibility and even antisocial attitudes and actions.
It can also express itself in resistance to learning. Despite the multitude of manifestations, the underlying dynamic is deceptively simple – a defensive reaction to perceived control or coercion.” (source)
Essentially, we are all born not wanting other people to control us. I do not advocate letting children decide what’s best for them, but I do think we can understand the counter-will to save household frustration.
we should be scared of activating their counter-will
What I am saying:
we can guide our children’s behavior without forced coercion most of the time
we can give choices without giving away our authority
we can understand how kids’ minds work
What the Counter-will Is And How To Work With It
So let’s dive into how we can parent around this thing called counter-will.
Give Clear Choices
The idea for gaining cooperation is not to command then expect blind obedience, but to give your children the choice to obey. Because it is right, good, and in their best interests.
It’s time to go to church on Sunday morning and your child needs to put their shoes on and get in the van.
You can say, “Put your shoes on and get in the van right now.“
This will likely draw out counter-will in your kids who don’t want to be rushed or told what to do. They’ll exert control by dilly dallying, hem hawing, back-talking, and whining.
Alternatively, you could say something like, “It’s time to go to church. Put on your shoes and get in the van or we’ll be late. If we’re too late you’ll miss your chance to go to the kids group so you’ll have to sit with us in the service.”
Now if your kids always sit with you, you’d find something different. If they like the kids church that’s an incentive for them to hurry up so they don’t miss it.
The example is random and applies to our particular Sunday situation, but you could choose anything that works with your family.
The point is:
give them a choice to (a) obey or (b) choose not to obey and experience certain consequences
do not present your request as one direct command unless it is something truly important like “Get away from the road” or “Put down the knife.”
Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.
So I often use incentives or disincentives with my kids. Because I’ve had 5 in 5 years, I’m not tying everyone’s shoes, putting on everyone’s coats and buckling them all in the car individually.
My kids can do many things that surprise others. It’s how life works with us. It has its drawbacks, however.
Sometimes I need 4 kids to do what I need them to do when I need them to do it.
So I often give incentives. This may be called bribing to some, but I view it as incentivizing the behavior I want to see.
Or disincentivizing the behavior I don’t want. This is how this may play out in our home. Note: I’ll often use the “next thing” (the South African way) as the incentive.
“Okay, kids, we’re going to the park. I need everyone’s shoes on, bottoms in seats, buckled in and ready.
If you have dilly dallied, when we get to the park you’ll sit by me on the bench for 5 minutes while everyone else plays.”
Either way they’re getting in. I’m not threatening no park, but I’m threatening having to get there and wait. This helps them to take the decision into their own hands and decide what they’d prefer.
Don’t Be A Drama Queen
One of the worst things about being an angry mom is that it blows a situation out of proportion.
You freak out over something relatively minor (like your child pulling down his pants and peeing in public, say… I’m not saying this happens, I’m not saying it doesn’t) and pretty soon your child doesn’t know what is big and what isn’t.
If you want to get your child to do something, say your piece in a calm and authoritative voice then let them decide their own actions.
“You can do your chores now and then watch cartoons for a bit or you can not do your chores and not watch cartoons.”
That’s it. There really is no need for fanfare or discussion.
Backtalk isn’t just annoying—it’s draining, discouraging, and makes even the simplest requests feel like full-blown negotiations. This workshop will give you a step-by-step plan to stop the constant pushback and start building respectful, two-way communication with your kids. Because when you know how to hold boundaries and help your child feel heard, the fight fizzles—and connection takes its place.
This is extremely effective. I don’t mean to walk away as though you are leaving them alone in punishment. No. Simply walk away about your business.
Sometimes kids need dignity and space to decide they will obey. It’s nearly impossible for them to do this with an adult towering over them, hands on hips, and a scowl.
“We’re in the backyard playing. If you’ll finish your homework like I’ve asked, we’d love you to join us!” Then you go outside.
So back to my 3-year-old… after about 20 minutes or flailing and wailing and all manner of protestations, he started cleaning.
He put his toys away, fixed his chair (as best he could), put pillows back on his bed, and put his clothes away. He called to me from the door with a happy voice, “Mommy, I cyeaned my room! Can I come out now?”
“Sure, baby, go play,” I said, and he gave me a kiss as he ran off.
A great phrase to use (that I got while reading this book). I highly recommend it as a book on how to shepherd your child’s heart.
Your son receives a nice gift from a relative on his birthday. And he says nothing.
You turn to him and say, “Can you say thank you?“
He gives a blank stare and says nothing…
You repeat, “Say thank you, please, let’s be polite.”
No response. You turn red. He remains calm in the face of your embarrassment.
The giver of the gift is also uncomfortable because you’ve chosen this time to enforce a manners lesson.
But there’s a better way…
Instead of getting into a power struggle in front of another person, embarrassing them, shaming your child, and making yourself look silly, use this phrase.
“We’re working on it”
This implies that you know the polite thing to do, it doesn’t ask the other person to standby while you try to force your child to say something.
And it gives you a teaching opportunity to address later.
Counter will is the instinctive reaction of a child to resist being controlled. If they sense you are backing them into a corner, their instinctive response will be to avoid giving you want you want.
While inconvenient in the moment, this can actually be a great thing. It means your child has a will of their own. Still, it’s annoying.
However, by using “we’re working on it” you are taking the pressure off the situation. You’re giving your child have a chance to do what is expected with dignity and without the shame of you standing over them pointing a finger.
Discipline shouldn’t feel like a battle or a shot in the dark. This workshop gives you a clear, balanced plan for setting boundaries that build respect and responsibility—without yelling, harsh punishments, or constant power struggles.
My son started refusing to say hello or thank you to others. While it felt rude to me, I know he wasn’t trying to be rude.
He was just nervous.
After a few times of activating his counter will, I wizened up. I started practicing situations at home he was likely to encounter in public. I practiced greeting adults, saying thank you for a gift, and thank you for a compliment.
While practicing with him I could tell he didn’t fully understand what I expected him to do. After a few practices before getting into the car, going to church or meeting up with family, he got it!
Now, when we practice it’s a quick refresher and he’s he’s much better at responding, though he is still nervous.
Some personality types are more nervous than others, this one and this one, for example.
Instead of focusing on what they’re supposed to say or do in the moment, by saying “we’re working on it” you’re creating a teaching opportunity.
When I was able to explain – away from the eyes of others – why it’s important we say “thank you” my son understood. He doesn’t have to hug and kiss strangers, but he does need to respond when spoken to.
Not in front of others, not in a way that shames or embarrasses your child, but at home I have conversations with the kids explaining why it’s important we thank people.
What gratitude really means. Or why it’s polite to answer questions when asked. And eye contact. These are lessons best taught in a non-pressurized environment.
Being in charge doesn’t mean being harsh or heavy-handed—it means being steady, clear, and confident. This workshop will help you understand what healthy authority really looks like. When you know how to show up as a secure, grounded leader, your kids feel safe, and everyone starts listening.
There’s a temptation to blow up any situation bigger than it is. We mothers often lose grip on our emotions. Children don’t inherently understand many things and, in the moment, it’s usually better to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Public shaming definitely doesn’t work, and now that you know about counter will, you’ll see that approach isn’t very fruitful.
There’s a difference between childishness and obstinence, and before we make a big deal about something we need to be doing adequate preparation and training at home.
Inside: The smart bedtime routine your toddler will enjoy. Also, here are some awesome wind down routines to help baby go to bed well, but what about your energetic toddler. .
Something happens at bedtime to toddlers…
Instead of feeling tired, they become wide awake.
Instead of being ready for story time they want to run naked around the house screaming.
Then, instead of singing soft lullabies with you they flail and fight and just don’t want any part of it.
Bedtime… it’s a dadgum battle to get these kids into bed.
You envisioned bedtime being something fairytale like and magical, but really it consists of these things:
running (them away from you and you to catch them)
tears (yours and theirs)
yelling (you and them)
anger (them at having to go to bed, you at them fighting bedtime)
You get the idea. It is a bit dicey sometimes with these amazingly cuddly and cute toddlers. But, you know, it doesn’t have to be this way.
You can craft a toddler bedtime routine your kids will love that will help get the most cooperation from them as possible.
They may not love every minute of bedtime, but hopefully they won’t fight it as much.
As is the key to many things with toddlers, routine is very important. Your children will get into habits and routines that serve them well if you are consistent.
This does not mean doing the same exact thing each evening, but having groups of things that you regularly rotate.
You may play board games as a family or have devotions (we love this book for preschoolers). There may be some time of gentle play – or who are we kidding, roughhousing – before the bedtime goes into full swing.
You’ll probably want to avoid running errands, visiting rowdy friends, or always having commitments at this time of evening. It will prevent your child from being able to properly do Step 2.
Just because you know 7:30 p.m. is bedtime doesn’t mean your toddler’s eyes are drooping and they’re ready to sleep.
Likely, they are not.
The way you gain cooperation from your child in the bedtime arena is to help them wind down naturally so they are actually allowing their minds to recognize their bodies’ fatigue.
This workshop will give you a simple, sanity-saving bedtime system that actually works—one that helps your kids wind down, fall asleep without endless stalling, and stay asleep (so you can finally get some rest).
Remember, you need to choose a time for your toddler bedtime routine that isn’t too late because a later bedtime will contribute to night terrors, sleepwalking, and evening wake ups.
Watch my video on the 2 year sleep regression if you think you’re going through it.
Step 3: Logistics
It can be tricky doing the bedtime jig.
I have 5 kids (ages 5, 4, 3, 2, and 5 months) so I get it.
The hardest part? Keeping some of them “wound down” and accounted for while you’re putting the others in bed. The way forward?
Conversely, if you are putting to bed a 4 year old put your 1 year old in his crib with a few toys until you get there.
Divide and conquer. My husband and I usually like to give each child their own bedtime routine. So he takes 2, I take the other 2, and I take the baby. If kids share in the future it may pan out differently, but for now we feel good having those few minutes alone with each child.
Step 4: Bonding and Alone Time
If you have a few kids and struggle with guilt knowing they don’t get tons of individual time from you, be encouraged. There are ways to squeeze it in throughout the day and bedtime is one of them.
Even if your two kids share a room, do one routine with a child and put that one to bed while the other reads a book quietly or does another one of these calm down hacks.
Bedtime, like no other, is a good time for interesting conversation. You’ll hear all kinds of things about school or their Deep Thoughts or worries and fears.
Moms or dads feel tempted to hurry this phase and have their own down time, but the quickest way for your child to drift into sleep is to help them feel safe and secure.
One of the best gifts you can give your child is the ability to go to sleep without a crutch. Of course, kids need our cuddles (it’s good for their brains), but they also need to feel safe and secure knowing they can go to sleep and we’re still watching over them.
Our particular bedtime routine is to pray, sing a certain song I’ve created for each child that is silly, kiss on the forehead, and leave the room.
You may need to do this a few evenings until your child gets the hang of it, but after he does, you’ll be surprised how easy bedtime becomes!
Inside you’ll find all you need to know to put into a newborn feeding chart and then have a printable one for yourself! Whether or not you are interested in sleep training, this will get you started on a great solid routine.
I gave birth to my firstborn in a hospital in Aberdeenshire, Scotland.
With a midwife whom I’d never met.
It all happened so fast and no one thought I was actually near 10 cm because they hadn’t checked dilation since I wasn’t in much pain. Must not be close, they assumed.
But really I’m a redhead and my pain signals are all jacked up so then it was go time before we knew it.
“But I don’t even have the paperwork ready…” she said in a sort of sweet and confused voice.
“IT’LL WAIT!” I yelled.
Fast forward a few days…
Fast forward a few days and I was ready to start tracking my baby’s feeds. I couldn’t remember which side she had fed from or if she was feeding enough and I felt stressed.
I wanted to write it down and keep it in her nursery. So I used a pen and a little notepad and over the next few weeks kept diligent track to make sure things seemed okay.
Use this simple chart to track feeds and make sure baby is eating (not snacking), your supply is up, and everyone is well.
Basic Feeding Tips For The Early Weeks
(Psst… you can scroll down and get your free downloadable newborn feeding chart).
Here are some basic rules of thumb when it comes to feeding newborns. Talk to your pediatrician or nursing consultant if you have any issues, but for most babies these principles will help you have a calm, contented baby.
Newborns are sleepy. They want to feed a bit then nod off. This is not a good idea for a few reasons, listed below.
To keep track of whether or not your baby is taking full feeds, scroll down and get your free newborn feeding chart so you can keep track.
Babies do not get the breast milk most rich in fat and calories (the hind milk) because if they nurse for a short period they’re only getting the fore milk (less density which means less filling).
Also, they will not go into a deep sleep (which takes around 20 minutes) and then when they transition through sleep cycles (around 45 minutes or so after they’ve gone to sleep) they’ll wake up out of hunger.
We want our babies to know the difference between night and day so they’ll have their wake times in the day and sleepy time at night.
This means that we create certain associations with being awake and other associations with sleep. One of those is the swaddle. You should swaddle from Day One because this will decrease the likelihood your baby “fights the swaddle.”
I had 5 babies and none fought the swaddle because we did it from Day One and there simply wasn’t an option.
Babies who are not swaddled will wake frequently or nap lighter since the startle reflex (moro reflex) will cause their arms to rise up and “startle.”
If they aren’t in a deep sleep cycle this might be enough to wake them.
During the day unswaddle them to feed so you’re communicating wake time. At night, unswaddle the bottom of their swaddle (the swaddles perfect for this shown below) to change their diaper, then reswaddle them and feed swaddled. This means baby will essentially sleep through the feed. Voila!
Those midwives in Scotland had it going on. Not only did they give you all the logistics while you were in the hospital, they visited you for a few weeks AT HOME during the postpartum period.
You could ask them absolutely anything about anything and they helped make it all work. One thing they gave me in my welcome packet was a DVD on how to get baby to latch properly.
With 5 babies I have had 0 issues with latching on and I’m telling you this works.
Instead of leaning down onto baby, position the breast and the baby’s head so that you push the baby onto your breast.
This means your bringing baby where the milk is, not trying to bring the milk down to baby. And, it means this will make for a better latch.
Use this simple chart to track feeds and make sure baby is eating (not snacking), your supply is up, and everyone is well.
Example Daily Rhythm
Newborns have tiny tummies. You’ll be feeding baby around the clock for weeks at a time. However, by giving full feeds and keeping baby awake during feeds (which can be a feat) you’ll be able to increase the time between feeds providing baby with more restorative naps.
Initially you want to aim for feeding baby every 2.5 to 3 hours. So you may feed at 6 am, 8:30 am, 11:00 am, then 2:00 p.m.
The only reasons baby should feed less than 2.5 hours apart are these:
Baby is not feeding enough at each feed (not getting calorie rich hind milk or enough ounces of formula)
I’ve created a newborn feeding chart below where you can record what times your baby is feeding and use that to find a good rhythm for you and your baby.
In this workshop, you’ll ditch the “I don’t have time” excuse and build a flexible, doable self-care plan that fits into your real life. Because taking care of yourself shouldn’t feel like another thing on your to-do list.
Baby bedtime can begin to feel like an actual nightmare.
Moms just want baby to sleep well. You just want to have some peace and quiet after a long day of momming and yet you are spending so much time trying to comfort an exhausted baby and wondering where it all went to pot.
If we are worn out from night feedings, tired from all the hyper-vigilance, and haven’t showered in a few days or worn makeup in like a month… we can imagine that life will always be this way.
It won’t.
They will grow up and be able to deal with their own hygiene.
Then, they will get old enough that it’s not hard to find someone to watch or hang out with them so you can go out.
They will eventually be able to stay home alone (legally).
They won’t always need you for milk or a snack or even – dare I say it – dinner!
When we are struggling it’s easy to say that how we feel NOW is how we’ll feel FOREVER. But that is a heavy burden.
A boss I had years ago told something I’ll never forget.
“80% is good enough.” CEO, Board Member for numerous charities, and Entrepreneur Helen Wiseman
And I was her research assistant. She actually told me – seriously – that I didn’t need to aim for 100% because it still wouldn’t be perfect and it’d take too long. So 80% is good enough for her.
Welp, ladies, I’m here to tell you. Aiming for 80% is a great place to start.
Here are some things you aim to get perfect, but that will never be perfect.
Laundry | Why aim for an All Clean And Put Away policy when five minutes later someone has pooped on the bed or thrown up and now it’s not done. Just get it done so everyone has clean underwear. Also, wear your jeans 10 times before washing. My Madewell jeans all say – inside the pant leg – that washing every time breaks them down. Tell yourself that!
Clean House | Now, I’m all for doing [thrive_2step id=’17923′]Pajama Projects[/thrive_2step] and getting things done. But the trouble with gettings done is that new things always come back to take their place. So instead of thinking about Getting It All Done, just think about it like Doing Things.
Obedience | The truth is, your child will not do what you want or say 100% of the time. If your child does what you say most of the time and occasionally doesn’t, this does not mean your child is out of control. Don’t hold your child to a crazy unrealistic standard that you yourself can’t achieve because that’s demoralizing. Get on their side, stick to your boundaries, expect resistance, and have a bit of humor about parenting.
It’s very hard for us when our role models seem perfect.
We think that So And So has it all together and does everything well. Then we compare ourselves to her and we feel inadequate, less than, and bad. So guilt sets in. And self-condemnation. Before you know it anxiety and depression tag along and life starts sucking.
Or rather, our internal thought life starts sucking and it plays out around us.
Luckily, one of the biggest things we can teach our kids is something easy to model.
Saying we’re sorry.
Asking forgiveness.
Admitting we aren’t perfect.
Being okay with 80%.
Apologize | Kids are extremely forgiving. Admitting when we are wrong and saying we’re sorry is a huge thing for kids. They see that when they mess up, it’s normal! This will help prevent perfectionism and Never Enough-ness from coming up in your own kids.
Lead By Example | Use any opportunity you can to show your kids that you aren’t perfect, but you work hard. Don’t be overly sensitive about your performance. Be open to admitting that you worked hard, but it still wasn’t perfect. This is extremely helpful and – although you might feel like it – does not promote mediocrity.
Self-Care Routine Tracker
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
Taking Care Of Yourself And Treating Yourself Aren’t The Same Thing
➡️ Treating yourself is NOT the same thing as taking care of yourself.
Treating yourself to a mani-pedi or a weekend away or a ladies night is all good and well and lovely and fine. And a PLUS, but not a necessity.
Taking care of yourself is absolutely necessary.
Taking care of yourself is what you do, day in and day out, to contribute to your own physical, mental, and spiritual health.
Treating yourself is what you do occasionally to spice life up. Icing on the cake!
The Difference:
– Taking care of yourself is sleeping 8 ish hours a night all the time.
– Treating yourself is occasionally having a few nights away to sleep sleep sleep and try and make up for your normal exhaustion.
– Taking care of yourself is eating the types of foods that don’t make your body revolt, back up, cause migraines, or lead to ill health.
– Treating yourself is indulging (not daily or it’s not a treat, it’s a habit) in rich, tasty, out of the ordinary awesome foods.
– Taking care of yourself is doing the normal hygienic practices that keep you feeling at your best and your body cared for.
– Treating yourself is getting a mani or pedi once a month.
I could go on, but you see what I mean.
We’ve misunderstood (or been sold a bill of goods) that Treating Ourselves will make us happy, peaceful, and content.
Bedtime Brain Release Sheet
Don’t end the day with anxiety, stress, and a full mind.
This evening brain dump journal sheet will help you get in a peaceful mindset so you too can sleep peacefully through the night.
But it won’t.
Taking regular care of ourselves will. And we’ll actually want to treat ourselves less because we won’t feel we need to constantly escape our own lives.
So there we have it… four things we learn from parenting.
Life has seasons, and none last.
Good enough is good enough.
Perfection is impossible, genuineness is attractive.
Do you ever wonder why your home feels chaotic and disordered? Here’s a very common sense (but not obvious) reason your homemaking efforts feel like failures. Great read for stay at home moms.
It started around 7:30 am in the morning. All the kids get up around this time, including the baby. I wanted to feed him in solitude with nice cuddles. You know, ease into the morning.
Then one child would come out to say good morning and go back in to make their bed and clean their room.
Then another, then they’d get to chatting, then the third child would start screaming from his crib for mama and by this time the baby was loose finding expensive things to throw into the toilet.
I had no makeup, whack hair, and didn’t get out of my pajamas.
I went from room to room and made sure things were in order as the kids ran around and laughed and played and got distracted from their task. Then I got breakfast ready as the baby whined and fussed for food and I still had on pajamas.
And then I needed a Diet Coke before I went any further and from then on.. until everyone had breakfast in front of them… it was utter chaos.
At least, it felt like chaos to me.
The kids weren’t being disobedient and I wasn’t yelling or super frustrated… but it was clear what was lacking in my morning routine and our morning routine. It felt out of control and it was taking its toll on me.
If your home feels chaotic and out of control, what you are missing is good working systems.
I knew what I was doing was Not Cutting the Mustard so I read some books, thought about what worked and didn’t, and started making changes. For the past week, things have been exponentially calmer and more peaceful in the mornings. I’m not as frazzled and things just work better.
Giving you a step-by-step guide to overcome barriers and stick to the healthy routines you’ve committed to. Learn the mindsets and secrets disciplined moms use to run a tight ship🚢 (think, mornings, chores, homework, bedtime, self-care, etc.)
It won’t happen overnight. In fact, it shouldn’t happen overnight. You need more than 24 hours to find and fix the disordered times of your day.
Pinpoint what is Just Not Working
You probably don’t have to think too long and hard about this. Is it dinner time? Bedtime? Naptime (or fighting naptime)? Breakfast, the hour after nap, etc. Take a few days and really think about the times of day your blood pressure goes up and you start to feel stressed.
These are the times you are lacking in good systems or routines. You probably already have a routine going, it just isn’t working for you.
Pinpoint the reason it isn’t working
After you realize which times are stressful, figure out why. My mornings were stressful because all of the kids had a few things they needed to do and they all had to do them independently. That is great in theory but they were 4, 3, and 2 years of age.
This means there was a lot of “checking up” and while that happened they got off task and it was chaos.
Since then I’ve started doing two kids at a time and leaving the other two in their rooms to wait. I’ll get two up, cleanup supervised, and then at the breakfast table with food and drink. Then I go back for the other two.
In that middle time while the second two are doing their tasks, I get dressed, do hair, put on BB cream, and feel more presentable.
We’re still all at the table at the same time but without the chaos.
101+ 15 Minute Projects
In just 15 minutes a night (while you’re in your pajamas!) take your home (and heart and mind) from stressed out to organized.
Brainstorm Ways to Minimize the Confusion and Chaos
I knew I needed some inspiration out of my own head since my own plan was not working. I Googled and read readers comments and just prayed God would help me clear a path that would cut out the crazy.
Brainstorm yourself then ask friends or more experienced moms for some input. It’s amazing what things seem “common sense” when someone else tells us that we’d never thought of on our own.
Get organized and make a plan
Now, you don’t have to go creating a moment by moment spreadsheet and tacking it to every room in the home. But by identifying what isn’t working you’ll be able to create a system that does. Then, organize your area for success.
I realized I needed to move some things from some places in the home to other places to prevent the kids from running from one end to the other.
This workshop will help you build a simple 15-minute daily routine that fits into real life—so the house stays (mostly) clean and the kids finally learn to help. Because a clean home is a team effort, not a one-mom show.
If you aim too high you won’t reach it. If you feel like things are not working at all, you can just tweak a few routines or make baby step changes. Also, give your children an overview of changes that will happen.
For example, if you are making the dinnertime routine different, explain very clearly and very often what you expect now. If they don’t know what you expect you’ll all end up frustrated and throw out the system before it has a chance to shine.
Work it (if it works) or change it (if it doesn’t)
Give the new system time to settle in. See what parts work and what parts don’t. You may find just a small change makes a huge difference. Getting up 15 minutes before the kids, say. Or you may find a change makes things worse.
Giving an hour of play before homework time. Realize that having an efficient system is always a process and it’ll take some trial and error.
Inside: Encouragement for the emotionally exhausted mom who needs to know if she’s doing a good job.
I was heavily pregnant and a complete failure.
I was too tired to run the home right.
Too tired to keep the kids reigned in.
And too tired to give a rip.
Everyday I just hoped my kids weren’t being willful and they’d do what was asked of them because I didn’t have the energy to back up my words up with action.
I was overwhelmed, weary, and so ready to give birth I could have given myself a c-section just to be done with it all.
I felt like a failure of a mother. Good deeds other mothers did highlighted my own inadequacy. I berated myself for having low energy, and was anxious that – perhaps – I wouldn’t go back to “normal” after giving birth.
I was so emotionally overwhelmed that meeting my kids’ needs was about all I could do.
Words That Every Emotionally Exhausted Mom Needs to Hear
I had to get through those final days of pregnancy then the early weeks of postpartum and get my head on straight again. I needed to believe that I was a good mom even though I felt crappy.
“You Are Doing A Good Job”
If you are the type of mom who worries about being a good mom then, the fact is… you’re doing a good job.
You aren’t doing a perfect job (impossible) and you aren’t doing “the best” job (because you’re give slam out) but you are doing a good job.
➡️ And good is good enough.
You’ll have time to do better later. Things will improve and change. Life ebbs and flows in seasons and this is a hard one. Acknowledge that it’s hard. Acknowledge that you could do more, maybe, but right now, you’re still doing a good job.
In this workshop, you’ll ditch the “I don’t have time” excuse and build a flexible, doable self-care plan that fits into your real life. Because taking care of yourself shouldn’t feel like another thing on your to-do list.
But what’s worse than that is thinking you have no hope. That there is no chance you’ll have more energy, feel more positively, and see a change in your circumstances. This is just not true. When our mindset gets stuck in our circumstances, we can’t see a way out.
➡️ Feeling hopeless causes fear and stress. Fear and stress cause our bodies to release stress hormones that suppress normal bodily functions, over time, we end up more susceptible to both despair and physical illness.
God is alive, there are friends and family, there are miracles, there are weird circumstances and things that happen at just the right place at the right time, and your situation is not without hope.
You may not know where to look for it yet, but hope is there.
This 10-day reset will help you uncover what’s wearing you down (spoiler: it’s not just lack of sleep), set boundaries without guilt, and finally create space to breathe again. Because burnout isn’t your personality—it’s a signal things need to change.
When you’re feeling down it’s easy to imagine others are judging you for your failures. The fact is, they are not (here’s the real reason moms judge). When we feel insecure we believe others see our every flaw.
They do not.
Half the time people don’t know your faults until you spill them out because you assume it’s already obvious.
I read an article from a woman in an abusive marriage that was very profound. She said the beginning of her journey to freedom came when she realized a hard truth.
➡️ The truth that there was no hero coming on a horse to save her.
She had to pray, gain courage, and see herself as the heroine (on earth) in her story.
In fact, as horrible as that sounds at first… it is a freeing thought. She began changing her mindset.
She began hoping. She began dreaming. She began acting and eventually through God’s grace and perseverance she got into a great situation. Her own thoughts and mindsets had to change and joy was found more and more as they did.
How to Get Out of an Emotionally Exhausting Situation….
Being emotionally exhausted means you constantly feel like you’re catching up.
Never getting ahead.
Barely enough energy to make it through much less make changes. Well, I have good news. The very first thing you need to do to get out of this phase requires more thinking than doing.
Self-Care Routine Tracker
Do you forget to sleep, bathe, eat, relax, etc.? NO MORE. This tracker will help you consistently live within your limits so you have more love to give to your family.
How to begin coming out of the emotionally exhausted situation:
You’ve got to change your mindset. These positive affirmation printables will give you a thought to read every day for one month. You’ll be dead surprised how differently you’re thinking in 31 days.
Second, you’ve got to have hope. Hope won’t come until you start changing the Stinking Thinking. Read scripture on fear or weariness and begin meditating on them. I have scripture cards for this purpose here.
Third, let hope and peace do their work. As you continue hoping and growing and giving yourself a break, you’ll notice a change inside you. While your circumstances might not have changed, you’ll feel more “you” and less “crazy.”
Fourth, make changes based on your new mindset. After you’ve been in this more peaceful mindset for a while, you’ll start to think of some solutions to overcome the things that give you emotional exhaustion. You’ll see tweaks or changes that you need to make that you couldn’t see or have time for before.
So while you may feel insane.
Emotionally exhausted.
About to lose it...
I just want to encourage you… really… you are not alone.
In some ways, this causes stress for my personality type, but in others it’s a blessing. I think about current events with one eye on the future. And that’s why I have always had my kids do everything they can on their own.
I knew I wanted 4 children, and the thought of having 4 teenagers not used to helping out was just too much for me.
Keys to getting toddler and preschooler participation in chore time
make it a routine activity
have clear boundaries
don’t make it optional
When we say things like, “Would you mind?” or “Don’t you want to?” we actually confuse the kids.
If the chore is optional, fine, but if you are requiring them to do this chore, the best thing to do is to say kindly but firmly, “We’re going to do x now, let’s hop to it!“
I’ll talk more about how to get toddlers and preschoolers to participate without coercion later.
(See above. I cut off the toes in the boys’ onesies when they are the right size but too short. My boys are all tall.
This helps extend the onesie’s life for months and months, and since I pass all boy clothes down I don’t worry about not getting enough use or being too tatty to donate!)
Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!
Chores toddlers and preschoolers can actually do well
Folding towels and clothes | Both my 4 and 3-year-old do this very well and neatly. My 2-year-old can do hand towels as well. I no longer fold any towels or small blankets ever.
Picking up toys | This is a fluid thing throughout the day since toys are in and out. But during room time or when the kids are playing in an area, before they are allowed to do the next thing they must clean up.
Vacuuming | Dust busting particularly. If the vacuum is relatively quiet this is a plus, if not, toddlers might shy away. However, vacuuming is easier for the kids than sweeping I’ve found. This is handy after dinner, under the chairs or barstools or when they’ve made a mess from snack.
Clearing place at table | Before the kids can get down from the table, they have to put their plates, cutlery, and cups by or in the sink or in the dishwasher. If it’s a paper plate, they’ll throw it away.
Putting clothes in laundry basket | We have a laundry basket in each child’s room they can use. Most of the time they don’t remove clothes and put directly into the basket, but we’re working on it.
Setting table | Many readers have their 2 and 3-year-olds set the table for meals. Since I plate my kids’ food, my kids only lay out drinks and silverware.
Make bed | I call this “straightening the bed” with mine because heavy covers can be a chore, but they straighten their blankets, comforters, and toys.
Gathering trash cans | The trash is picked up on Tuesday morning, so Monday afternoons I’ll get the kids to bring the trash cans from their respective rooms or bathroom and we’ll combine them to be put outside.
“Fetch” | I love getting my kids to fetch me this or that. They feel useful, and it is honestly helpful for me.
Put away books | If you have a place for books specifically, kids can easily do this chore. If your kids are like mine, they will take out a lot of books at once, so it’s handy if they learn to put them back.
Getting kids to do chores shouldn’t be a daily battle. Let me help you build a simple, age-appropriate system that teaches independence, teamwork, and responsibility—without constant micromanaging. Because a well-run home isn’t about doing it all yourself.
Instead of having my children go to their rooms and clean at random times, they have to do it in order to do the next thing.
So, for example, they can’t come to breakfast until they’ve made their beds and straightened their rooms.
After room play time, they can’t come out until they’ve put their toys back. No snack until play area is clean.
This helps because they associate chores with certain times and are less likely to fight it.
Teach, teach, teach then stand back
I have two children who want to know how to do something, then run with it. They don’t want you to interfere and aren’t interested in your help unless they are truly in need.
I have another child who just wants you to do everything for him.
It’s always too hard even if he’s done it 100 times. With them all I teach, teach, teach then let them have at it. Once I know they can do it, I step back and do not hover. Even children find joy in completing a task.
This workshop will help you build a simple 15-minute daily routine that fits into real life—so the house stays (mostly) clean and the kids finally learn to help. Because a clean home is a team effort, not a one-mom show.
This is true in all of parenting, really. Be kind and loving, but don’t get in power struggles. If you need them to do something, have them do it. If they won’t, give a consequence.
No meanness, no shaming, no drama. Just two choices. Do the chore or get a consequence or loss of privilege.
For us, this usually just means if one child refuses to do a chore they must remain there until they do it. This never lasts long, and the child usually completes the task fairly quickly if I leave them to it.
Saying, “As soon as you are done folding the towels you can come down to dinner. You can’t leave your room, though, until it’s done,” then walking away works a lot better.
Give it Time And Carry On Consistently
Lastly, just give the little things time. Once they see that chores are a regular part of family life, and they are required to join in, they’ll actually get a sense of pride.
Pride they are helping. Pride they are accomplishing a task well. And proud they are needed.
Inside: Do you find dinner time with your small kids chaotic? If so, these tips will help.
Everyone goes on and on about how important dinner time is for families.
There’s all this pressure to sit around the table and talk about Deep Things and laugh and joke.
With everyone passing the salt and using their fork and knife.
Pa ha ha ha ha.
That ain’t what it looks like over here.
This is what it looks like over here.
⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️
Recently, however, we decided we needed to tighten up on dinner time.
My husband comes from a sweet reserved British family which means they are quiet and they wait their turn, and they wouldn’t interrupt an executioner walking them to the electric chair even if they were the wrong prisoner.
Okay that’s exaggerated.
But seriously, my husband struggles at family dinners if things are not calm and reasonable. And with 5 kids aged 8 and under, that does not happen by accident.
5 Dinner Time Hacks To Simplify (And Sanify!) Family Meals
In an effort to make dinner pleasant again for my husband, and to help children learn better table manners, we have begun reining things in.
#1 – Simplify utensils, plates, bowls, and cups
I’m not sure when it happened, but I think it was a gradual slide until the first 5 minutes of dinner were taken up by arguments over who got what color plate and cup.
These power plays amongst siblings aren’t abnormal, but they were extremely annoying for us adults.
While reading Simplicity Parenting recently, I had a lightbulb moment. I then implemented the following.
Remove items that are constantly fought over or – conversely – determine clear rules for who gets what. We had a lot of IKEA colored plates and everyone wanted blue so I simply put them away and we use our ceramic dinner plates. (In the photo above we were still in colored bowl hades)
Let children have their favorites, but avoid situations where two are always fighting over something. Either get another or remove the item. If you don’t want to buy 5 of something (like me!) then removing it is much simpler.
Use grown up plates and cutlery. This saves a lot of arguments. If everyone gets the same, no one even notices.
#2 – Assign seats
You are probably thinking… now this is extreme, Rachel.
And I would have agreed with you 3 months ago.
Until everyone started fighting to sit by the baby. It came out of nowhere and then this is where the kids wanted to meet their need for power. By choosing to sit by the baby. Then we had to rotate turns, then it was chaos. So I thought to myself…
“How can seating at the dinner table be more simple?”
Assigned seats.
If you have 2 kids or less it probably isn’t worth it. 3 or more (who vie for seating) and it might work! Every few weeks I’ll change seats, but this has cut down on a lot of “come to the table” spats.
#3 – Put everything you need ON the table
My dear friend gave me this suggestion around a year ago and it’s made a big difference.
Moms often spend half of the meal getting refills, getting a replacement spoon, getting the salt, etc.
Or maybe that was just me.
I felt like instead of eating my own food I was scurrying around. So, I stopped that.
Get a pitcher of water (or your preferred drink) and keep it on the table for refills.
Have your child set the table complete with silverware napkins, and cups.
Keep condiments on the table. Salt, pepper, ketchup, mustard, whatever, put it all out there before everyone sits down.
Basically, anything you or the kids get up from the table to get… put it on the table before you sit down.
#4 – Make rules around undesirable behaviors
Kids get rules.
As I’ve seen time and time again in my Language of Listening® training… kids love rules so much they make them up themselves!
My kids make up rules about how long they want me to read at bedtime, how long they can play with a toy until they share, and even which types of clothes they want to wear at home as opposed to clothes they want to wear to church.
Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!
#5 – Talking sticks… (or their hands!)
There are 7 of us in our family and everyone has an opinion.
Everyone wants to share.
Everyone wants to talk.
Mostly at the same time.
This gradually got out of hand until dinner time was very nerve wracking for my husband and myself. We realized that in our effort to make sure our kids were heard and paid attention to… we’d neglected making sure they knew how to actually listen.
We want each of our kids to have a voice and each to know how to give space to the others. Here are some ways to do that.
“One person talking at a time” rule. This is easy to make and requires diligence to enforce.
A timer or a talking stick. My masseuse is one of 7 kids and she suggested having a timer or a stick and letting each kid say their peace while requiring the others to listen. Then, others are encouraged to ask follow-up questions (to teach conversation skills).
The quiet game. I’m not sure how this got started, but one dinner that was too loud my husband said, “Let’s play the quiet game” and now it’s something regularly suggested if we feel the dinner table is not calm enough. And the best part? The kids willingly participate!
I’m not new to this toddler rodeo and, having gone through these precious years more than once and closely spaced, I have learned a few things.
Something else I have, as my oldest is now 8 years old, is perspective.
When all my kids were 4 and under it felt like I was parenting FOUR toddlers.
I didn’t know what would happen when they got school age. Or progressed through elementary.
Shoot, I still don’t know what will happen when they hit adolescence and the teen years.
But now having done this toddler gig 5 times (and loving nearly every minute of it!) I can say there are a few things moms need to hang onto.
Truths On Parenting Toddlers…
This can be a challenging time as they are little whirlwinds who can tear up the whole living room in about five minutes… but it is truly a lovely season full of cuddles.
2.They Know What They Want, We Know What They Need
There is a notion going around that little ones know what they need.
This is – quite simply – not the case.
They know if they want food. They know if they want mommy. They know if they want a brownie. They know they don’t want to go to bed because playing is much more fun.
A loving and nurturing mom will plan their toddler’s day based on their needs first, then their preferences.
Toddlers need naps and early bedtimes.
They need nutritious food at meal and snack times.
They need to learn to fall in with family rhythms.
One truth I was so happy to realize and take hold of is this… most of the irritating behaviors your toddlers does, he will grow out of.
While I’m certainly not saying to let behaviors go unchecked that are against family boundaries, I am saying that all the things your toddler is doing now is not predictive of what they’ll do later.
We think that if we want to teach our kids about Jesus, money, and chores then we better do it tomorrow, Thursday, and twice on Saturday or our kids will end up unemployed and living in a granny flat in our backyard.
This is not the case.
This is a false pressure from within fed by your desire to give your children the best.
Toddlers need to be well fed, well slept, and well loved, and that’s about it.
Discipline is essentially helping your child learn the family rules at this age.
Living out your own values is the best way to introduce your children to them when they are so young.
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