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Wind-down Routines Guaranteed to Help Your Baby Sleep

Inside you’ll find wind down routines guaranteed to help baby sleep. Baby sleep struggles are one of the major reasons people land on my blog.

Babies need sleep.

Mamas need sleep.

But sleep, unfortunately, isn’t always easy to be had.

The good news is this: everyone was born to have regenerative sleep!

I talk a lot about how important it is our little ones are sleeping well and this becomes exponentially important the more children you have because – quite simply – you can’t stay up all night every night with 3 little bundles of joy.

The fact is, if you are up a lot at night then you actually *are* losing your mind.

A good rule of thumb?

One definite way to help your babies get in the mood for sleep is to have a consistent bedtime wind-down routine.

This means you can’t take them from a living room full of the other screaming family members and just put them in a dark room ready to sleep in 2 minutes.

Just as you wouldn’t be able to sleep with such a quick transition, neither can they.

Related Reads:

What’s a wind-down routine?

A wind-down is something that:

Helps signal bedtime is coming;
Is consistent;
Calms the baby;
Gives opportunity for physical touch and togetherness; and
Helps the baby become drowsy, but not fully asleep.

Read: Foolproof Baby Sleep Tips — Routines, Habits & Strategies

The 5 “basics” behind a wind down routine

More research comes out every year showcasing the importance of “brain training.”

In a nutshell, what we do over and over again becomes second nature to our brains.

If you’re trying to get a handle on this from the get go, I’d recommend using our daily baby logs and mom logs to get it all out of your head and onto paper.

1. They go on autopilot

Natural conditioning helps develop healthy sleeping habits. The same happens with our children except we are the ones who help to train their brains, so to speak.

If you want your baby to wind down well to help promote healthy sleep, there are certain behaviors that will help do this.

Family Practices & Contribution

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Sleep Little Lamb (Ages 0-5)

Moms will walk away with a step-by-step sleep plan tailored to their child’s age and needs, designed to improve sleep within 3 days to 2 weeks.

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2. Low low lights

Turning the lights lower in the evening, whether by lighting a candle or turning on a lamp instead of the ceiling light, can help signal to the brain it’s time to produce melatonin.

This is the drowsy hormone and helps calm the body down in anticipation of sleep. This is really helpful for babies who have witching hours.

3. Quiet

I realize this can seem like a pipe dream if there are young children in the house. But… even for a baby, quiet will help calm the mind. Avoid loud music, TV, or activities that stimulate.

You may need to do a calm down trick to help everyone in the house simmer down, but it’s worth it.

Read: How To Keep Louder Siblings Away From Baby

4. Easy Focus

Avoid having anything too mentally active or stimulating in the wind down routine. For example, you wouldn’t want to do a puzzle or any type of activity that requires concentration.

However, reading a book is a perfect wind down routine element because it’s easy focus. This is particularly true for babies and children.

They can look and listen but don’t have to do anything “active”. Listening can be an activity that is calming.

Related:

5. Soothing environment

Studies have shown that some scents (lavender for example) actually serve to decrease the activity of the nervous system, helping lull you into a sleep ready state.

Here are some ways to help create a soothing environment:

Diffuse essential oils
Turn on white noise
Hang up your blackout curtains so the room is dim

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 6-12

Goodnight Bedtime Battles

This workshop will give you a simple, sanity-saving bedtime system that actually works—one that helps your kids wind down, fall asleep without endless stalling, and stay asleep (so you can finally get some rest).

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Examples of what to include in your routine

There are many ways to help your baby wind down. While some will undoubtedly work better than others, you can choose what works best for your family.

A warm bath or shower
Applying lotion, powder, or cream
Baby massage
Giving baby a pacifier (this is the best there is)
Turning the lights down low or lighting candles
Singing or listening to calming music
Reading books (here’s how to read to little ones who won’t sit still)
Snuggle time with mom and dad
Swaddling
Rocking until drowsy
White noise (this works wonders)
Sitting or lying together
Praying

Sample wind down routines

First of all, it’s very important to note that establishing and following a sleeping schedule is essential for mastering any wind down routine.

For example, if baby is too fussy because he has been awake too long… trying a wind down routine may prove to be more difficult. It’s best to start a wind down routine as part of a healthy sleep schedule.

I had very similar, but slightly different routines with my two oldest children… here they are as examples:

My oldest child- I started the routine by giving the pacifier (this signaled sleepy). Then, I would read one or two short stores and rocked in the rocking chair. I would always be sure to dim the lights. I would end with by signing a song and giving lots of gentle kisses.
My second oldest child– He loved massages… so I started with some lavender lotion and a little rub on his arms and legs. He didn’t care for the pacifier so I didn’t stress about that. He also got to listen to a few short books and then we would lie together for a few minutes.

Whatever you choose to include in your wind down routine, your child is sure to learn to recognize them and ease his or her way into peaceful sleep. Try a few from the list above and when you find something that works… stick to it.

Remember… routine and consistency are key.

You got this, momma!

While there are many more, you don’t want to spend 3 hours on a bedtime routine. The goal is to help the baby get drowsy and then put them in their crib while still slightly awake.

A great wind-down routine actually can be the difference between a baby who fights sleep all night and one who sleeps peacefully.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Self-Care That Sticks

In this workshop, you’ll ditch the “I don’t have time” excuse and build a flexible, doable self-care plan that fits into your real life. Because taking care of yourself shouldn’t feel like another thing on your to-do list.

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The fact of the matter is…

Babies go to sleep better and sleep longer when they are calm, settled, and in a good routine. It doesn’t have to be a huge thing with church bells and four part harmony.

The more you are able to protect your baby’s sleep, create a good wind-down routine, and make it a regular part of your evening, the better your whole family will sleep.

To recap, to help your babies sleep better at night you want to:

Prevent them from getting overtired
Choose an appropriate bedtime
Give your baby a calming bath or wipe down
Before putting on a clean diaper and swaddle, give your baby a rubdown or massage with nice calming lotions
Have some quiet quality time to help get your baby very drowsy before putting him into the crib.

Frequently Asked Questions:

Should I follow a specific order for the wind down routine?

A wind down routine doesn’t have to be exactly the same every night to be effective. The goal is to create a routine that signals to your baby’s body that it is time for sleep. The routine should be recognizable to your baby but you can modify the routine to what works for your baby.

How long should our wind down routine be?

Ultimately, every baby will need varying amounts of time to wind down so there isn’t magic number here. Give yourself around 10-15 minutes before their bedtime to do your wind down routine and adjust the timeframe if necessary. Read their cues to see about how long it takes them to get drowsy and go from there!

What if my baby resists the routine?

It will get easier with time. This is where consistency is key! Remember that what you do over and over again will become second nature to your baby’s brain.

Sources:

Nip 1-Year-Old Tantrums In The Bud With These Tricks!

If you are having some mega one year old tantrums or meltdowns in your home, these tips will help your little one have peaceful days.

1 is so so hard.

The baby phase is just so precious and sweet and cute and – if they are sleeping – not too difficult. Emotionally it might be difficult, but behavior wise, nah.

One year olds?

They’re hard.

They are trying to grab knives and fall off chairs and walk onto roads and do all manner of life threatening things.

Reminds me of this infographic I made one time that went viral numerous times.

Read: Is Your 1-Year-Old Wearing You Out? Try These Simple Activities

This is the age where babies grow into toddlers and begin to find their place in the world.

They are a bit less dependent on mama (although, of course, still wholly dependent on you) and their personalities start to emerge as well.

So do many different types of behavior.

At this age, unless baby is exhausted or extremely over-stimulated, tantrums shouldn’t be too severe or exaggerated.

It’s a great time to set some expectations and boundaries around various family rules. If we do this well, the next few years won’t be nearly as tricky.

Read: How To Be An Empathetic Mom Without Being Soft On The Rules

one year old smiling and grabbing for the camera

What does a one year old tantrum look like?

Arching back, bucking, and fighting in the high chair or car seat.

Throwing themselves down onto the ground in protest

Hitting, kicking, or fighting

Refusing to do what you’ve asked

Running away from you instead of coming to you

That’s just a sampling, but most one year old behaviors you don’t like will be included in those above.

Boundaries & Behavior

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Discipline with Dignity

Discipline shouldn’t feel like a battle or a shot in the dark. This workshop gives you a clear, balanced plan for setting boundaries that build respect and responsibility—without yelling, harsh punishments, or constant power struggles.

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Nip One Year Old Tantrums In The Bud With These Tricks!

Here’s what you’ll find in this post to help your little one dispense with the one year old tantrums.

Square one: sleep and routine and eating

There are two things to ask yourself before you fear your little 1 year old is a destined rebel.

Has he had enough sleep?
Does he have a predictable routine?
Is he eating enough nutritionally dense foods? If not, is he snacking all day?

If the answer to these questions are no, no, no, and yes… start there.

A tired baby will be fussy and out of sorts. A baby who doesn’t know when to expect what and experiences mom showing up and asking him to do something “all of a sudden” will not respond as pleasantly as a child who is used to the daily flow.

Your routine doesn’t have to be to the minute, but find a predictable daily rhythm (even if all the days are slightly different) and stick with it.

Watch how your little one eats. If you find your child snacks all day, but rarely eats enough to be full and fights more nutritious foods, start there. Have set snack times and try to encourage baby to eat well at meals. This will help sleep and behavior.

Read: The Tried-And-True 1 Year Old Sleep Schedule

Watch this quick video for some insight on an important element in your 1 year old’s sleep schedule.

Wait it out or keep moving?

With little ones, it’s not a good idea to get into a negotiation.

Or to try and reason with a child.

When your one year old is throwing a tantrum, she is not thinking with her cerebral cortex (logical thinking brain). She is feeling with her amygdala (emotional brain).

Don’t expect your one year old to be reasonable and logical. Instead, expect them to gradually come to understand and follow your family rules.

If you’ve asked your little one to come to you and they do not, simply go to them, pick them up and bring them back to the starting point. No need to yell, get angry, or make a big fuss. Simply model for your child what you expect of them.

1 year olds can often react strongly if you don’t give them what they want. That’s okay. The direct goal is not that your one year old doesn’t react, but that they learn to cope with getting what they get. If you were not going to give them something, don’t give it. Giving a child something after a tantrum teaches your child that if they throw a tantrum they will get something. Then they will continue this. It’s not manipulation, it’s good sense. If I could cry to my lender and avoid paying my mortgage – and that worked – then I’d do it monthly.

Just because your child is pitching a fit doesn’t mean you need to actually do anything. Sometimes, doing nothing, is exactly the ticket. If they’re fussing because they want you to do something you aren’t going to do, then let them get on with their fit. It’ll pass.

Read: A Brilliant Tip for Moms Of Littles to Follow… The 10-Year-Rule

Say What You See^®with one year old tantrums

A good rule of thumb to show your child you see them and understand, is to Say What You See^®.

Say What You See is a Language of Listening concept and is a bit like narrating what is happening, without adding any judgment or value to it.

Your 1 year old is in the high chair and is refusing to eat. She is throwing her food onto the ground.

You might say something like, “You don’t want to eat that! You are done.”

Then you take the food away.

Next, your little one might start arching her back or banging on the high chair, trying to get out.

“You are ready to get down NOW! We get down when dinner is over.”

You are simply saying what is going on. This helps your child understand that you are aware of what is happening.

At this age that is quite important since many 1 year olds are pre-verbal and not able to fully explain themselves.

Read: Trying to Stop a Temper Tantrum? 7 Things You Might Be Missing

Don’t “parent to emotions” while your one year old is having a tantrum

One mistake that’s so easy to make at this age, is to make your own choices based on your child’s whims.

The problem with this is not that you are taking into consideration your child’s wants, but that giving the burden of parenting over to your one year old is simply unwise.

They want candy.

They don’t want naps.

Or they like to run away from you in crowds.

They will climb too tall tables and try to jump off.

And they’ll touch the oven.

You get the idea.

Families need boundaries and rules and these are decided by the parents. If your child reacts emotionally or has one year old tantrums in response to these rules, that’s okay!

This is normal.

That doesn’t mean you change your rules or boundaries. You simply help your child do what’s expected of them.

If you change your mind on what you expect your child to do or not do based on their reactions, you will always be tossed to and fro by baby’s whims. And baby’s whims will change based on their mood, their irritability, and their current mood. You can’t make your own decisions based on their moods.

You don’t need tons of rules, but the rules you do have, keep them whether or not baby momentarily likes it.

Read: 3 Simple Keys To Understanding Your Child’s Emotional Needs

Control the environment

Don’t expect your 1 year old to have a high and consistent level of self-control.

They just aren’t old enough.

Can they learn self-control? Yes!

Can they learn to follow your instructions? Of course!

A common mistake I see with moms (and that I see in myself) is giving our children too much freedom then expecting them to have the self-control to make good choices in the face of temptation.

If you don’t want your child to make a huge mess with toys, don’t let them have free reign over a lot of toys.
If you’ve got certain rooms that are off limits to little ones – and they can’t take a hint – child proof that door.
Want them to eat healthier foods instead of junk? Don’t keep junk food visible.
Have a child who frequently runs away from you in public? Keep them in a stroller.

So, preventing behaviors beforehand by managing the environment is the easiest and simplest way to prevent one year old tantrums.

Boundaries & Behavior

Loving Authority

Being in charge doesn’t mean being harsh or heavy-handed—it means being steady, clear, and confident. This workshop will help you understand what healthy authority really looks like. When you know how to show up as a secure, grounded leader, your kids feel safe, and everyone starts listening.

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Know your boundaries and keep them, it WILL get better

Last but not least… (maybe I should have done it first?) is this… know your own boundaries and keep them.

It’s not easy keeping boundaries.

Especially not in the face of one year old tantrums or toddler or preschooler meltdowns.

But, it’s basically the only way.

If you constantly change your plan based on baby’s mood you will soon have a mood to rival baby’s. Breaking your own boundaries over and over creates anxiety and depression. True story.

Baby can be disappointed and upset and cry and all of that is okay. If you are providing a loving nurturing home with food, times for rest, and a safe bed then you are doing good. Baby will not be happy with all your choices and that means they are learning what they like and don’t like. The goal is not to make them “like” something, but help them learn to follow the family rules.

Be consistent. 100% is not necessary, but if baby sees that you are consistent with what you allow and don’t allow, they will get the hang of it. Our preschool recently had a meeting and reminded us parents that the kids are all capable of learning the school rules and keeping them. It seems to be the parents who forget!

Read: Boundaries: The Only Way To Stay Sane In Motherhood & Life

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.

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FAQs about 1 year olds

Are tantrums normal for a 1 year old?

Yes! Depending on your baby’s personality, some one year olds have more temper tantrums than others. If your baby is used to having their daily routine and habits led predictably by mom, they are less likely to throw fits. If they are overtired and overstimulated, they are also more likely to throw a tantrum.

Can a 1 year old have anger issues?

1 is a little young for underlying anger issues. However, there are quite a few that can cause your toddler to be unsettled and angry. Pain, teething, hunger, overtiredness, and overstimulation can all be overwhelming to your little one and cause them to act angry.

How do I deal with my 1 year old’s tantrums?

As mentioned above, the best ways to deal with tantrums are to manage your baby’s day well, to keep them well fed and not too snacked up, to make sure they are not overtired or overstimulated, and to have clear ground rules that you help your little one follow.

Can a 1 year old understand no?

Absolutely. 1-year-olds can understand a great deal and the concept of “no” is one of them. You can begin to help your little one understand this more and more by saying it and then letting your child respond. If they continue to do what you’ve said no to, you remove them from the situation to communicate that message, then try again later.

Does language development tend to help with decreasing tantrums?

Some tantrums are the result of a child not being able to communicate their needs or wants effectively. With language development, some children have less tantrums. Some ways you can encourage language development include: reading books, singing songs, repeating rhymes, talking with them frequently, and using simple language.

Can separation anxiety lead to tantrums?

Yes. Remember, separation anxiety is a phase that will pass, so give yourself (and your child!) grace in the meantime. Some things that could help with separation anxiety include: creating a goodbye routine (keep it short and practice it), stay calm and confident, and give your child a comfort item when you leave.

8 Reasons You’ve Got A Whiny Baby (And How To Fix It!)

Got a whiny baby on your hands? Don’t worry, there are quite a few reasons babies get fussy, irritable, whiny and out of sorts, but there are a handful of super common ones. When your baby is whiny, fussy, or just not happy or content you can feel so stressed. The crying really grates on your nervous system, but maybe you aren’t sure how to help your baby. Dig into this post and find our the 8 main reasons your baby is whiny and fussy.

When a baby is sweet and precious and cooing and sleeping it’s like… the best thing ever.

They smell good.

Just looking at them releases happy hormones.

But when they are whiny and fussing and irritable and not sleeping… Life Is Hard.

Since they can’t really tell us what’s going on, it can be tricky. Luckily, if we have a few things working for us (routine, sleep habits, feeding habits, etc.) then it’s Much Easier to figure out why baby is whiny.

Let’s dive in.

8 Reasons You’ve Got A Whiny Baby And What To Do About It

Let’s dive into the main reasons babies are usually whiny (urgent medical issues aside which you should talk to your doctor about) and how to fix it!

This is also a great time to break out your daily baby log so you can note habits and patterns.

1. Baby is over tired and inconsolable

This is probably my numero uno.

People seriously underestimate how much babies can and will sleep. Here’s a basic breakdown of baby sleep times for you, but suffice it to say, babies will take a nap basically after every feeding. And they’ll do this for a few months!

The amount of sleep baby needs depends on their age, but if baby is over tired then they will seem irritable all day and not sleep well for naps.

Those will help give you an idea of something to shoot for. Each baby is different, follow their cues, but know that a lot of crying and whining means that whatever’s happening now has room for improvement.

Read: The Nap Trap – How To Deal With It & Not Resist It

2. Baby is whiny because he’s hangry, hungry, or “snacking” too much

This is a given.

In fact, with a whiny baby you’ve likely tried feeding a lot more and a lot more often, right?

Here are some basic rules of thumb related to baby feeding to take into account if you’ve got a whiny baby on your hands.

Stop snacking | Babies need full feeds that get to the nutrient rich hind milk. 5 minute feeds here and 10 minute feeds there will make for a hungry baby. Imagine eating a few crackers every hour or two. You’d be irritable and not super hungry but not full or satisfied. Same with baby.
Routines help “set” baby’s metabolism | If you’re on a good routine (see above) then you don’t have to guess why baby is whining. You’ll know. My 5 kids would all start making noises within minutes of normal feeding times. No mystery to decode. It was obvious!
Give enough milk and/or solids | At about 5 months of age babies start getting ready for solids and they’re hungry. Your supply might be lagging and you’ll need to feed more, and baby will need solid soon. After 6 months, if you have a whiny baby and they aren’t eating solids, that’s why they’re whiny. They’re hungry.

Read: Feeding Baby Until One Year of Age and How To Get Your Newborn To Sleep Well From Day One

3. Baby is over stimulated (or it’s witching hours!) and super fussy

Have you ever been to Times Square? Everywhere you look there are people. Lots of lights, lots of sounds. Lots of movements. Cars, the signs, the people. It’s mesmerizing and amazing and then… you’re ready to go.

This is what it’s like for a newborn.

So many people staring into their face, making sounds, talking, picking baby up, rocking him, walking him, and on and on.

Babies often start to whine because they want some peace and quiet. It’s not isolating to have a safe quiet place for baby to go away from the hustle and bustle of family life. Especially if you have a large family.

Read: Why You’ve Got An Angry Baby – And What To Do and Bossy Baby? Being Responsive Without Creating a Tyrant Toddler

Sit with baby in a quiet room while the rest of the house goes on about their merry business.

Witching hours are a real thing | Babies often get whiny during the witching hours. Early to late evening hours, usually. Milk supplies often run low due to the stresses of the day, general tiredness, and overall Evening Mania contribute to fussiness around this time.
Cluster feeding really works | If baby is acting whiny in the witching hours, cluster feeding will often do the trick.

Read: End Baby’s Witching Hour — In 4 Simple Steps

4. Baby is trying to wind down and blow off some steam and has trouble settling

Often whining and crying happens when babies are ready to take a nap. They’ll start fussing then crying and then drift off into sleep.

Sometimes they’ll go from a high pitched cry to immediate sleep.

Not all babies, but some. It’s important to give babies a good wind down routine that allows them to slowly go from alert to drowsy then eventually to sleep. We often expect babies just to go to sleep in a room full of loud people.

And they will… until about 3 months of age.

Then they’ll start waking up more and without healthy wind down and sleep habits, they will start getting whiny and have trouble calming down.

Read: Wind-down Routines Guaranteed to Help Your Baby Sleep

baby smiling at camera with finger in mouth

Read: 7 Simple Reasons Why Your Baby Won’t Nap & What To Do

5. Baby is going through a growth spurt and more whiny than normal

When babies that are usually calm and peaceful become whiny and fussy… there’s usually something developmental going on.

A growth spurt is one of these things.

The way to get through this? Lots of feeding, sleeping, and time.

This too shall pass. It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Read: Wonder Weeks: A Stress Free Guide To Your Baby’s Behavior

6. Baby is teething and irritable

Teething changes babies’ personalities.

Temporarily.

Read: 12 Medical Reasons Why Your Baby’s Not Sleeping (With Symptoms of Each)

This is a great indicator of whether something is going on with baby or not. If they’re normally happy then turn fussy, could be teething. If they have previously slept well now are fighting sleep or waking more frequently, could be teething.

Natural Teething Remedies:

Give baby something to chew on | Get an organic teething ring or something similar, and let baby find some relief that way.
Frozen food | Here’s a little feeder you can put frozen food in that baby can gnaw on.
Freeze a wash cloth | Similar to above, but it’s free.
Essential oils | You’ve obviously got to take precautions on which oils you use and how you dilute them, but contrary to the “fad-iness” they’ve experienced recently, they’re natural remedies that have been around for centuries.
Toothbrushes | At times we’ve given the baby a toothbrush to chew on when they were really wanting something hard to gnaw on. This was a favorite.

Read: Surviving Teething Without Sleep Regressions

adorable baby in highchair with spoon in his mouth

7. Baby is not well so she’s fussy

Goes without saying, but baby will be more whiny and fussy if they aren’t well.

The trouble is, if they don’t have a fever, we don’t always know, right?

Here are some things to consider:

Reflux | Often babies struggle with reflux which can cause discomfort. Hyper-lactation can even mirror reflux symptoms and make it hard to tease out the two. This usually resolves itself by 6 months of age.
Gas | If you put your baby down for a rest and 30 minutes later or so they wake up in a full fledged cry, this is often gas pain. Bring up their little legs and feet in a bicycle motion, or burp them, and if they find relief then you know the culprit.
Ear aches | I got so fed up with wondering if baby’s ears were hurting (and with having 5 kids, this was a lot!) so I got a Dr. Mom Otoscope. I can nearly always tell if my child has an ear infection and how bad it is without having to go to the doctor.

Read: Baby Reflux: A Surprising Cause (And How To Help Baby Sleep)

8. Bears Repeating: baby is whiny because he’s ready for bed

Okay, okay, I’ve already mentioned that baby might be whiny from over tiredness.

But whining is often a cue that it’s bedtime.

This means it’s probably not time to start rocking, jiggling, and over-stimulating baby. But instead, to start a wind-down PRONTO and then get baby in bed.

Read: Foolproof Baby Sleep Tips — Routines, Habits & Strategies

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I comfort my whiny baby effectively?

Remember that every baby is unique, so it might take some trial and error to find what works best for your little one after their basic needs are met. Here are some strategies to try: hold and cuddle, offer a pacifier, create a soothing environment, skin-to-skin, warm bath, calm activities, or give them their favorite comfort object.

Why do developmental changes make my baby whiny?

When babies go though developmental changes, they experience the world around them in new ways, causing them to adjust to their environment. Developmental changes can cause physical discomfort, sensory overload, sleep disruption, separation anxiety, and hunger and feeding changes to list a few.

Can routine disruptions cause a baby to whine?

Yes, routine disruptions can indeed cause a baby to whine. Babies thrive on predictability and routine, and when their familiar schedules are interrupted, it can lead to feelings of discomfort and uncertainty.

Sources:

Dear Husband, This is What Pregnancy “Feels” Like

When you are pregnant, well… things get hard. They are beautiful and wonderful and you are so blessed and privileged to be carrying a life inside of you, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t feeling all the feels. Sometimes husbands just don’t get it, they don’t want to help, or they honestly don’t understand that this level of pregnancy fatigue is on another level they cannot even understand. Read on to figure out how to somehow get the severity of this onto your husband.

“Girls always ‘feel’ everything,” my friend’s brother told us.

They don’t say “It’s cold outside” they say, “I feel like it’s cold.“

They don’t say, “I want to go,” they say, “I feel like it’s time to go home.”

He looked at all of us girls like we would disagree. “Yeah, so, what’s your point?” we said.

Just what he said. Girls “feel” a bit too much.

And honestly… who can argue with that?

Right now, I’m 30 weeks pregnant and feeling All the Feels and life is all Very Dramatic with the hormone situation. My husband is Type B so calm and caring, and yet even so… I can tell he does not quite know how pregnancy feels.

I’ve made him skim through this book, but that didn’t seem to do it.

I hope this post will help him. And your husband. And men round the world…

Pregnancy “Feels” Like You’re Blocking My Path to the Bed

If you are standing between me and my bed then you better have mace or a defensive weapon because things are gonna get ugly.

Of course, I try to get as much sleep as I can while being pregnant, but I’ve got to tell you in no uncertain terms: it’s never enough.

Even with this or this… those provide only momentary relief.

I can sleep 12 hours a night (yeah right) and take a 3 hour nap and I will still hit you and run over anything that stops me from crashing into my bed at whatever hour of the day it’s available.

My body spends most of the day trying to shut down mid diaper change, laundry load, or peanut butter & jelly sandwich making session so when I finally have the chance, run for your life.

Read: When You Feel Like You’ll Be Pregnant Forever

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Start Now

Pregnancy “Feels” Like I Don’t Care About Your Dinner

There, I said it. I don’t care about your dinner or the kids’ dinner because I’ve been eating all day anyway and now I feel sick and want to go to bed.

Refer to #1.

I will continue to offer as many healthy meals as I can and nourish my family since I love y’all, but I need to let you know your expectations should downgrade.

Read: Want an Easy Baby? Then Use A Foolproof Baby Schedule

Meals won’t be fancy. They won’t be complicated. They won’t make Instagram worthy photos. They will be edible and (hopefully) warm and that’s it.

I feel like more than that is a pipe dream that will leave you disappointed. If that bothers others, I refer them to this book.

Pregnancy “Feels” Like Your Kids Were Abducted And Replaced

No, I won’t let go of all the family boundaries. I won’t let the kids get away with pushing the envelope too far. I will do my best to keep their behavior under control.

But all the middle ground stuff?

That stuff that maybe I “do” stop or discourage when I’m feeling sprite and skinny? That stuff… yeah I don’t care about that stuff anymore.

I’d rather let that stuff slide for a few months than get my Whale Shaped Body off the couch, bed, or floor where it is currently residing.

Read: Pregnancy Fitness: Your Ultimate Resource Guide

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You will wonder why the noise level of the house has gone up. I will use my go to tricks to get everyone to Stop Talking.

But I’ll also send them outside and let them scream their heads off and hopefully they’ll all have on clothes otherwise everyone who drives by will see 3 or 4 half (or fully) naked kids screaming in our yard.

And I feel like that’s okay with me right now.

Pregnancy “Feels” Like Imma Lose It At Any Minute

It isn’t that I am a different person now that I’m With Child.

I’ve just got extra hormones coursing through my veins (or wherever hormones go) and they are tempting me to lose the grip on my emotions.

Every feeling I have is just under the surface and what might have seemed cute or sweet 5 months ago can turn me into an angry mom if I’m not careful.

Right now, until our darling baby arrives, I need you to be strong.

I need you to not start acting crazy and expecting miracles and demanding things like clean baseboards or no spiderwebs in high corners or a well-organized sock drawer.

I need you to keep me accountable for being a reasonable person, but understand that my reasonableness is in a Vulnerable State right now.

Pregnancy “Feels” Like Don’t Make Me Laugh, Cough, or Stand Up

I am blessed and privileged to be able to carry our child, I know that. I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but I’m telling you… weird things happen to you when you’re pregnant.

And don’t go acting like you don’t believe me because I’m a Type A woman and you know I exaggerate. I’m telling you things start happening you can’t even imagine.

Not only do I have to get up and go to the bathroom approximately 2,346 times a night, but my ligaments also stop working from 11 pm to 5 am so it takes 3 times as long to get there. I swell, ache, leak, and sweat.

Things double in size and then change color. I need you to just tell me I look nice but don’t go on and on about it.

I don’t believe you anyway, but it’s worse if you say nothing.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Parenting in Hard Times

Parenting through a crisis feels heavy—but you don’t have to do it alone. This workshop gives you a clear plan to bring stability, emotional safety, and strength to your family when life gets shaky. Because in hard times, your kids need a steady, loving guide.

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pregnant mother with daughter at the beach

5 minutes after delivering my youngest son I was still laying on the delivery table.

Though he came out with only one push (oh yes, that’s right) and there were no complications I was bleeding more heavily than they’d have liked.

They were milling about and doing this or that when the doctor looked up at me with concern on her face and asked, “How are you feeling, honey?”

I startled everyone in the room when I replied in a very enthusiastic voice…

“I feel amazing… I’M NOT PREGNANT ANYMORE!”

I “feel” like that was an appropriate response… don’t you?

….Would you like a nice printable letter to hang on your fridge for your hubby?

You know, to remind him of these things? Sign up below with your email and I’ll send it to your inbox 😉

Frequently Asked Questions by Husbands, Answered by Wives:

What are some thoughtful gestures I can do to show my support and care for my pregnant wife?

So glad you asked! Just a few that come to mind: create more time for her to rest (read: nap), take over household responsibilities that are difficult for her (carrying laundry basket, cooking meals while experiencing morning sickness, etc.), run errands… you get the idea. Just remember that she’s growing a human and give her grace. And whatever else she wants.

Seriously, what physical factors contribute to my wife’s experience of pregnancy?

Physically, there are many factors that can make a pregnancy difficult: morning (or all day) sickness, fatigue, food cravings or aversions, fatigue, breathlessness, back pain, heartburn, fatigue, frequent urination, stretching and discomfort, fatigue, sleep disturbances, fatigue. Need I say more?

Why Am I An Angry Mom? 5 Anger Triggers And How To Manage Them

If you’ve asked yourself, “Why am I an angry mom?” then keep reading. Moms often find themselves frustrated or yelling and out of control and feel alone. They can feel they’re the only ones struggling with anger. But anger often covers other things and is triggered by a few super common family life factors. When you address these triggers you’ll feel less angry, less ragey, and like a more calm nonchalant mom.

It was a day much like any other.

Loud. Stimulating. Demanding.

My preschooler didn’t want to go to bed and was whining with a piercing moan. My toddler was proclaiming he wanted more juice at 90 decibels.

And my baby needed feeding and was crying with a grating cry only a baby can do.

All this built up into a cacophony of clanging symbols in my head as I felt my brain expanding to a break point. One of my biggest parenting triggers showed its ugly head.

Then, in a loud thunderous voice, I screamed…

“Everybody just SHUT UP for goodness sake!”

Oh dear…

Then, in completely shock, I stared down at the kids. They were staring back at me and then – in a split second – they all started crying.

Loud anguished tears.

I sat down on the floor by them and we all cried together.

Oh… to be a fly on the wall of that moment.

mom laughing and holding up her laughing daughter

I never considered myself an angry person.

I also never considered myself a “baby” person and here I have 5 kids.

So… there’s that.

Since becoming a mom I have come face to face with my temper. I’d like to blame my red hair, but I have to be honest with myself here.

There are certain behaviors and circumstances that give rise to my anger and it’s something I consistently must guard in our home. Why?

A) because I don’t want my kids to remember me as being mean and angry

2) because having a mean and angry mom will give your kids issues.

D) and because it’s just plain and simple no fun to be in a bad mood.

A, 2, D… know what movie that is? Anyway…

Here are 5 common reasons you’re an angry mom.

This isn’t exhaustive, but it hits the big ones.

Read: Mom Morning Routines That Bring Sanity & Order To Your Days

1. You take things personally

For some irrational reason, we moms tend to take disobedience a personal insult. I say do this, they do that, and I want to get offended at their audacity.

Then I remind myself they are children.

They intuitively want to please their parents but they don’t intuitively know how.

Unless you want to be nuts all day and night, you cannot take their behavior and choices personally.

When your anger rises after a particular situation, and before you pounce, take a minute to think about the root of your anger.

Are you mad simply because they didn’t do what you said?

Calm down and remember, it’s consistency, discipline, and training that brings about your desired results, not their fear of your angry outbursts.

Read: How To Not Take Your Child’s Behavior Personally

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This 10-day reset will help you uncover what’s wearing you down (spoiler: it’s not just lack of sleep), set boundaries without guilt, and finally create space to breathe again. Because burnout isn’t your personality—it’s a signal things need to change.

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an angry mom crying while child is leaning on her shoulder

2. Your expectations need adjusting

It’s hard to know what to rightfully expect as mothers.

You don’t want to low ball or high ball the kids by expecting what they can’t deliver or not expecting what they should.

This is a work in progress that needs regular tweaking, but if you are expecting your 3-year-old to act like a 6-year-old then you’ll get angry.

Yesterday, I was feeling completely wiped out. I was laying down feeding my 5 week old (which I like to do when I’m trying to rest a bit) and he stopped nursing because he needed to be burped.

Without even thinking I sat up and said…

“These kids can’t do anything for themselves!”

Ha. Then I laughed at myself and hugged and cuddled and burped my baby and realized I needed to get a grip and some expectation tweaking with all my kids.

Read: My “Daily Escape” to a Quiet Place & Why It’s Necessary

Expectations matter…

I should expect obedience, but not 100% obedience.

I can expect a good attitude, but not if I’m a sourpuss all day.

Read: It’s Official… Too Many Rules Make For Tired & Angry Parents

laughing mom holding her giggling little boy

3. You’re empty and need a recharge

Motherhood calls for a lot of sacrifice, but I don’t think sanity is one of the things we should sacrifice. There are certain things we must do just because we must.

However, we should attempt to include in our day time to ourselves where at all possible.

If you are empty and have nothing to give – yet still continue giving – what you’re giving is not a gift.

If you’re feeling like a perpetual angry mom, you likely need to take some time alone. Get your husband to watch the kids or another family member. Put them all to bed early and do something that helps you relax or recharge. If you can manage, go on a mommy vacation for a weekend.

If not, sit down with a pencil and brainstorm ways you can get what you need to stay sane.

Start or continue some hobbies.

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4. You’ve let things get out of control and need a reset

It hurts me to type this, but most of our children’s behavior is a result of our own parenting strategies. Not all, obviously, because they have their own free will.

However, if we are lax, too strict, or inconsistent their free will causes them to do things that aren’t desirable.

It’s perfectly normal we find a good system, go on autopilot, and then realize our system needs some tweaking.

If your home atmosphere seems to be getting out of control I’d suggest hitting the reset button.

How to hit the reset button

Tighten the reins for a week.

Be over the top consistent.

Evaluate your expectations (#2) then explain over and over again what you expect from them.

Explain over and over again what will happen if they don’t do what you expect.

It’ll be tedious for a week, but you should expect to see a return to normal and pleasant behavior within a short period of time. It’s all about big picture thinking.

Read: Mom Burnout — A Hard But Freeing Truth

5. You’re stressed and need an outlet

When I’m stressed and have not processed it well, I become a short-tempered person.

Every little stupid thing ticks me off.

Whether your outlet is some type of hobby (crafty or non-crafty) or sport, find some way to let out your frustration in other ways than exploding with your kids.

Also, if you are habitually stressed it may be time to do some more extreme measures like counseling or anger management activities.

Are you keeping your boundaries?

Or even putting firm boundaries in relationships, at work, or in areas that are out of your control.

You may not be able to control the circumstances that cause you stress, but your children shouldn’t suffer for it.

Perhaps you need to cut back on commitments, slow down, and re-evaluate your priorities.

Even if something drastic must be done, you will be glad you did something when you’re able to finish a day without having lost it!

Read: How to be a calm mom

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If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

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But back to that screaming moment…

We all sat there on the floor crying and then, after a bit, I started laughing. Amazingly enough, they started laughing too. “I’m so sorry, kids,” I said.

“We sowwy too, mama!” they said, as they hugged and kissed me.

….

So… while it’s normal to get angry, we should be able to manage it.

While our kids do need to understand their actions have consequences, we don’t need to explode on them.

And instead of just trying not to yell, remember: anger is not the issue, a deeper issue is the issue.

Angry Mom And Yelling FAQ

“I will go into the store carrying my sleeping baby while asking my 3 year old to help with getting out a shopping cart. This is difficult for him because he is only 3 but it makes me so angry that he doesn’t do it right and I say mean things to him. Thank you for your tips because the guilt I feel for ruining my son’s life through anger is killing me.”

The truth is we all have different triggers that make mom life hard for us.

You want him to do things the correct way and you likely *had* to do things right or you’d get in trouble. Or something undesirable would happen.

Our anger is usually less about what’s happening in our environment, and more about what we think about that.

Mom guilt is so common along with anger and yelling. You are only human and if you work to repeat the damage done during the yelling, and work on your triggers, you will see the relationship connection strengthen.

“These kids can’t do anything for themselves!” ha. I actually said to my then-one-year-old “why are you acting like a child?”

One year later I still feel ashamed.

This is a huge contributor to staying in the angry mom cycle. We’ve all been there.

When we lose our temper and yell or say things we regret, guilt sets in. We don’t like that we said that and don’t want to say it again.

Instead of simply asking forgiveness, and repairing the relationship, we stew in our own discouragement.

We tell ourselves we are hopeless and it’ll never change, and this just makes us more angry.

Compassion towards ourselves along with working on our triggers is how we’ll become the moms we want to be.

Another good one…

“What should I do if I just yelled at my child?”

If you’ve just yelled at your child and are sorry about it, the best thing you can do is to calm down a little, then have a talk.

Explain to child the reason you yelled. This isn’t making excuses, it’s teaching your child how people react in the real world. You might say, “I asked you to do something 12 times and you didn’t do it. I get mad when rules are broken.”

This is honest and forthright.

Apologize that you weren’t able to keep your anger in, and say you’ll try better next time. You are only human. Modeling reparation is one of the most important things you can do for children.

One more…

I have so much guilt for yelling at my kids that I tend to mope around or give them anything they want to help make up for it. How do I get out of this cycle?

Give yourself grace, mama. We all mess up and some days are harder than others. Remember that feeling guilty after yelling at your kids shows your commitment to their well-being. While outbursts happen, making efforts to apologize, finding an outlet or creating a self-care routine, and working on healthier communication can contribute to a more positive parent-child relationship.

Sources:

Why Moms Lose Their Identity and How To Get It Back

Clearly, you’ve thought to yourself: “I’ve lost my identity after being a mom.” When you have kids and are focused on them, it’s easy to abandon yourself without realizing it, then not know how to get back to the old you. Self-care plays a role, yes, but there are other things that will help you feel more like you, even while raising babies.

I was riding along in the car the other day listening to the radio when a song came on from high school.

A song I knew every word to.

I didn’t particularly love this song, but it got me thinking. You know… I used to like music.

I used to know the names of up and coming bands. I bought CDs before they were cool and I loved listening to music.

I went to concerts.

I danced with friends and strangers.

I had a social life.

In that moment it became clear to me that, along with music, I’ve let go of many other habits and things I used to enjoy. I eat out less. I travel less. I see my friends less.

I’ve seen two movies in the theater in the past year, and both have been cartoons.

It isn’t that I don’t love being a mother. I really really do. But I’m still living in the transition from who I used to be, to who I am now.

So many parts about my life have changed, and I’m struggling to catch up with myself.

Read: Enjoy Being A Mother Again With These Stress Relieving Mindsets

daughter with basket and mom in identity crisis

You remember the days…

You watched what you wanted to watch. You ate when you wanted to eat and at the temperature you wanted to eat it.

You slept when you felt tired and stayed up if you didn’t. You know… you were in control of your own life.

Though you’re still in control of your own life now, things are different. Your desires, motivations, and spontaneous urges don’t factor into your decision making as much as they used to.

Now, you consider your children’s needs equal to or above your own in the day to day.

This is good and fine and right.

But it’s still a shock to the system.

It still takes getting used to.

Read: 5 Signs You Might Be A Depressed Mom — And How To Start Feeling Better and Unusual Mom Burnout Symptoms That Are Quite Common

daughter on mother in identity crisis' lap

Reasons moms lose their identity

I want to mention here (before you send me hate mail) that these things in themselves are not bad.

They are morally neutral.

It isn’t that you’re wrong if you do them, just that their effects can have an unanticipated effect on you.

Read: The Ultimate Guide To Having A Mother’s Helper You’ll Love

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1. Moms lose their identity because their lives revolve around their kids

This is perplexing because – hello – when we have kids our days do revolve around them.

However, there’s a difference in your daily routine revolving around the kids and the entire meaning of your life revolving around them. You can still be on duty 24/7 and be involved in other things.

Adult bible studies, girls nights, charity work, or service projects with your kids will take you from your four walls home bubble to a more well-rounded perspective.

I struggle with this as a mom to many young ones who also writes about raising young ones.

I have to seek out other things or I get tunnel vision.

Read: How To Live Within Your Limits And Hold Your Boundaries

2. Moms lose their identity because they stop caring about how they look

I used to take pleasure choosing an outfit, doing my hair, and accessorizing each morning.

I liked it.

Now I’m lucky if I bother to cover my hair in a cap and find matching exercise tops and bottoms. Some days I do, some days I don’t.

This is a non-issue for me because I know it’ll change with time, however…

It does cause me to feel that I’m not the “woman” I used to be. I don’t look as put together or attractive as I once did. I look at women with one or two children or all in school and think…

“Wow… her nails match her outfit…” I’m not crying on my pillow about it, but it does make a difference.

Read: Words Every Emotionally Exhausted Mother Needs To Hear

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

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3. Moms lose their identity because they have to slow down (even though they feel more busy)

This is a big one for many women.

They are used to be so involved in many things that becoming a mother can be difficult. I did a survey once and the #1 challenge mothers mentioned was loneliness.

They felt isolated, alone, and bored at home when their babies were small.

Having children can be a big change for your personality and temperament. This life change can make you feel like a different person.

Perhaps you aren’t the life of the party or don’t see your friends very often.

While this in itself might not bother you, it will still affect how you see yourself.

Read: The Real Reason Moms Never Have Enough Time (Hint: It’s Not Because They Waste It!)

Read These While You’re At It

4. Moms lose their identity because their identity revolved around their job.

Some girls dreamed of becoming a mom since childhood. These moms may find the transition to motherhood easier. Others find it more difficult.

Moms who have given up a fulfilling career to come home may have symptoms akin to shock.

Even if it’s your choice to stay at home (and you don’t regret it), it’s a big change to lose the validation and satisfaction of a job well done.

Especially a job with measurable results. The job may not feel as important, and it definitely doesn’t pay as well.

But be encouraged, as the wise lady at my corner store says,”Motherhood is unpaid, yet still highly rewarding.”

Read: The Stay At Home Mom Schedule That’ll Keep You Sane

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Weary To Well

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5. Moms lose their identity because they’ve lost freedom they once had.

This was a big one for me.

As an only child (birth order does matters) who had traveled extensively, not being able to do “whatever I wanted when I wanted” has been an ongoing struggle.

I have been happy to make choices that benefit my entire family, but it has changed the way my life looks in every way. Very little going out, staying up late, or socializing.

Of course, I can still do these things with kids, but life has shifted and it’s been disconcerting.

Read: Cocooning a Newborn & 7 Reasons Why it Can Be Good For The Family

6. Moms lose their identity because they don’t get enough sleep.

Prioritizing sleep is a must.

If a mother and baby are sleep-deprived and overtired, moods become erratic. Emotions remain just under the surface. While the newborn period may be tough to survive, after that things should get easier.

You can encourage your babies to sleep longer and you can even take power naps yourself. Even if you have to hire help or trade babysitting to take a long nap, it is worth it.

In fact, the number one thing that decreases stress is rest.

Yes, we’ll probably all sleep with one ear open forever now that we have others to watch over, but that doesn’t mean we need to turn into Mombies.

Read: Everything You Needed To Know About Sleep

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Moms will walk away with a step-by-step sleep plan tailored to their child’s age and needs, designed to improve sleep within 3 days to 2 weeks.

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How moms can find their identity again

This isn’t hard or fast, but here are some general ways you can try to stay connected to who you are, not just your role.

Find new ways to connect with friends | Instead of regular nights out or coffee dates, have playdates or monthly book clubs. Instead of restaurants and movies try the park or a local playground.
Have a hobby | Here are 60+ hobbies good for the sahm lifestyle, but try to find a hobby you used to love and make time for it. Even if it’s something more active like hiking, try to fit it in even once a quarter. You may think it’s impossible, but if you work hard to make it happen, it will.

Stop comparing | This is the “secret” to being content in each season. Even so, it’s hard not to look back and forward when times are tough. By focusing on the things that are fleeting now (chubby baby thighs) you’ll be less likely to be jealous of old times.
Get help | Whether you need to hire someone, trade babysitting, beg family members, or just go to playgroups with helpers… do what you need to do. If you are a weary and overwhelmed mom, the effects will build up.
Take care of yourself | Put the baby or toddler in the crib and take a shower. If you loved clothes, get dressed up. If you liked having nice hair, do your hair. Don’t neglect the things that used to bring you pride and pleasure, even if no one sees them but the baby, you’ll feel better.

Read: My “Daily Escape” to a Quiet Place & Why It’s Necessary

You will never have a life like you did pre-motherhood, and that’s okay.

But you can slowly start to find yourself again.

Your identity isn’t lost, it’s just buried under diapers and onesies.

Read: True or False: If Mama Ain’t Hap py, Ain’t Nobody Happy

Frequently Asked Questions:

How can I ensure that my relationship with my partner remains strong amid the challenges of motherhood?

This is part of our lives that motherhood changes, too. But it can be for the better when we prioritize communication (share feelings, concerns, and joys with each other regularly by making time for meaningful conversations), have realistic expectations (understand that your roles and priorities have changed with parenthood and set realistic expectations for each other’s contributions and be flexible as you adapt), and schedule couple time (plan regular date nights or couple activities to spend quality time together– even short moments of connection can make a significant difference).

How can I redefine success for myself after becoming a mom?

Redefining success as a mom involves embracing the richness of your new identity while staying connected to your personal aspirations. By recognizing the value of both your role as a mother and your individual journey, you can create a fulfilling and balanced sense of success that aligns with your authentic self.

What are some strategies to prioritize self-care and personal time?

Prioritizing self-care isn’t selfish—it’s an investment in your well-being that ultimately benefits your family as well. By making self-care a priority, you’ll be better equipped to handle the demands of motherhood with a greater sense of balance and fulfillment.

With that being said: Schedule it (whatever time works best) and start small, with activities that don’t require a significant time commitment. As you establish the habit, you can gradually expand your self-care routine). Prioritize activities that you enjoy and set boundaries to minimize interruptions. You’ve got this, mama!

The Dangers of Present But Absent Parenting

Present but absent parenting? What is that… you say? If you grew up feeling rejected, alone, or lonely, then you probably know what present but absent parenting is. The parent physically being there, but mentally, emotionally, etc. NOT being there. If you want to make sure you are present for your own kids, this post will help. Here are some thoughts on why sometimes just “being there” isn’t enough.

I’ve sat face to face in front of many adults who were crying their eyes out.

Adults who felt very damaged and unloved.

As I was to find out, this was fairly common. And there is a surprising reason these adults found themselves in counseling, with roots going back to their childhood.

They needed healing, tools, and positive coping mechanisms.

They were also perfectly “normal” and came from perfectly “normal” families.

little girl staring out her window and waiting for her absent parent

By that I mean, no trauma, tragedy, abuse or neglect.

And yet… in adulthood they had difficulties in relationships.

They had low self-worth, non-existent boundaries, and negative view of themselves.

For many of these people, the current issues that brought them into counseling were symptoms of a larger and deeper issue, and it was rooted in a parent being present, but absent.

What Present but Absent Means

This concept is fairly self-explanatory. It means the parent is still in the home, yet is unavailable.

You may have heard the phrase “emotionally unavailable.”

The sad truth is, if parents aren’t able to share from the heart or express love and affection to their child… they are in the act of present but absent parenting.

“The present but absent parent may meet their child’s physical needs, but not other equally important ones.”

Kids are thirsty for affirmation from their parents, whom they view as heroes. So, if a child never gets praised or doesn’t feel accepted, they’ll feel lonely… even in a house full of people.

Read: Relationship Building Questions To Ask Kids (With Printable!)

Examples of present but absent might be a parent who:

never says “I love you“
is around but unapproachable
is always busy watching TV, working, or using a screen
shuns physical affection
going through prolonged stress who is unable to engage

The list is not exhaustive, nor does the occasional bad mood or zoned out evening make you an absent parent.

When I refer to present but absent parenting, I am talking about consistent and persistent behavior.

When a parent is consistently absent, this communicates to a child that they are not worth their parents time.

Years of persistant and consistent conditioning of the present but absent parent will yield phycological damage on young and impressionable minds.

Most of the time parents do not consciously think this, but children have great intuition and are able to pick up their parents’ moods and feelings.

Don’t be mistaken, whether you tell your child they are a nuisance or you simply act like it, your child will be negatively affected.

Read: How to be a present parent without going insane

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What Absent Parenting Does

Children are made to feel loved, accepted and nurtured. There is trouble in the world… and one of the most important parts of parenting is providing shelter and protection.

Our job is to give protection from the Big Bad World until the child is equipped to take on life in a mature and emotionally sound way.

Part of this protection are the key elements of safety, security, and acceptance.

If a parent is present but absent in their nurturing duties, the child will feel rejected on a regular basis.

And if it’s within the home, it’s an inescapable feeling.

Read: The Effects of Rejection on Children

Children crave attention and affirmation.

Without attention, quality time, and kind words… children won’t develop a healthy sense of self-worth. This can go one of two ways.

The child internalizes a low sense of self-worth that says “I’m not good enough.” They don’t feel smart, attractive, worthwhile, or lovable.
The child swings the other way and masks insecurity by becoming overly confident, arrogant and perhaps aggressive to cover their painful feelings.

A present but absent parent rejects almost as much as an absent parent. In fact, it can feel worse for the child who is under constant rejection.

Effects of Long-Term Present but Absent Parenting

In a nutshell, if parents don’t give their children the necessary attention, love, and acceptance… they will look for it elsewhere.

As children mature, this can become a dangerous behavior.

There are many ways that the feeling of rejection from a present but absent parent can manifest itself...

Likely they look to members of the opposite sex to make them feel wanted and worthwhile.

Unfortunately, this can happen much earlier than you think!

In its extreme, this is why people join gangs or cults. Human beings are wired for connection and any sense of appreciation and belonging is better than none.

Those with low self-worth will develop habits that are self-fulfilling.

For example, a girl who doesn’t see her own value makes choices that lend her to situations of use and abuse. In turn, this confirms her suspicion she is not a person worthy of love.

It can be said that present but absent parenting can cause irreparable damage to the feelings, values, and lifestyle of children involved in homes where this is consistnat.

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Family life shouldn’t feel like a constant race. This workshop helps you build a balanced, sustainable pace that handles responsibilities while making space for rest, connection, and what really matters.

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Low Self-Worth also Engenders Fear

The atmosphere of a home affected by present but absent parents can cause a rise in the following fears:

the fear of failure…
a fear of standing out…
fear of being alone…

Because children of present but absent parents don’t believe in themselves, they’re scared to step out and try new things. Unfortunately this results in a lack of self-confidence and self-worth that continues until the cycle is stopped.

If parents consistently fail to meet their children’s needs, they’ll feel angry, betrayed and alone.

These emotions lead to truly dangerous behaviors like self-harming or drug abuse.

These are more common than we’d like to think…

What Parents Can Do About It

As parents, we want what is best for our children. We can do this by striving each day to give them the protection and attention that they need!

Remember these important things:

Be there with your whole body and your whole heart. Remember, your kids feel it when you’re disconnected.
Make eye contact and talk “to” your kids, not just “at” them.
Don’t forget the power of physical touch. Be sure to give hugs and allow contact as this is good for your kids!

You don’t have to be perfect. Your kid’s don’t need perfect, they just need you.

Present but absent parent is talking to girl on the counter.

You are allowed to have your days, moods or your own problems. The key is to be transparent, open, and present.

Balance is key

I am in no ways recommending that you spend every waking second giving- 100% of your attention to your children.

That would be near impossible and exhausting too!

Of course, sometimes parents need to zone out. I personally take some time every day to rest my mind and recharge my energy. When I don’t, I am grumpy and easily irritated.

It’s perfectly natural and “ok” to need need time alone to recharge and refresh. This just makes you normal!

With a healthy balance, your children will learn when its “mom’s time to be alone” and honor that.

We can’t and shouldn’t be afraid to say “no” or “not right now” to our kids.

Every time we make a mistake or tell our children “no” we are not going to scar our children for life.

We can maintain our own boundaries and still raise children who feel loved, connected, and supported by us.

Boundaries & Behavior

Loving Authority

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Warning signs that we’ve fallen into the trap of the present but absent parent:

Now that we agree that our kids need security and attention and have looked at balancing our time… let’s evaluate our own lives with these warning signs.

You may have fallen into present but absent parenting if you…

Have NO screen time limits. You or your kids watch screens during meals or when visiting with family/friends.
Can’t remember the last time you asked your children questions and actually listened to their responses.
Don’t immediately give consequences to their negative behaviors. You may say something like: “I can’t believe you’re acting that way” and then ignore them.
Feel like you are unworthy to be their mom and think of yourself less than able to parent them. Remember, they don’t need perfect- they just need you.
Are unable to look eye to eye or speak truthfully to your kids. Eye to eye contact and physical touch- It’s good for their brains!

It’s in the Day-to-Day

Children don’t need grand gestures to feel loved. It is the small daily moments where we can give them our love and acceptance. Children are still simple and their needs are self-evident.

They need to know we care.

They need to know they belong.

And they need to know we’re available.

How can I find alone time to recharge so I can be present with my kids?

First, determine the kind of activities that actually recharge you. I like to think in general categories to help me diversify my self care: relationships, hobbies, physical health, mindfulness.

Have a plan for scheduling self care so it happens regularly, like during your kids’ independent play time, after work, after the kids go to bed. Find a self care routine that works for you and make it a priority!

How can I connect with my kids so they don’t feel rejected?

I love this question! Get in your kids’ world by doing what they love to do with them. Ask them questions, sing songs, dance, learn something new together, read books, get outside, and if you have multiple kids, find ways to get time with each of them individually even if only for a few minutes each week.

How can I be present for my kids while managing my other responsibilities?

Set boundaries and minimize distractions when you’re with your kids. Identify your essential responsibilities and prioritize them using daily, weekly, or monthly routines to manage your time effectively.

Your 2 Year Old Constantly Crying and Whining? It Might Be These Things!

Being a two year old is no walk in the park. There are many factors that can affect why your two year old is constantly crying and whining. If you’ve started thinking you’re in terrible twos and your child is just falling apart, having meltdowns, being aggressive, not listening well, or just simply crying a lot, take hope. There are factors like sleep needs, powerlessness, need for connection, and more! Here are some main causes as well as solutions.

I remember way back before having kids I told some of my friends… 2 year olds are totally the best.

They are squishy, cute, still small but not babyish, and they say really funny stuff.

I stand by this assessment.

What I didn’t know at the time in my innocent pre-motherhood state was that 2-year-olds are also tough. They fight bedtimes, they go through sleep regressions, they throw hissy fits, and they have their own minds.

Parenting toddlers isn’t for the faint of heart.

Let’s jump into some possible reasons why your 2 year old is whiny, fussy, and throwing fits all the time. You definitely want to address these if whining is one of your big parenting triggers.

Over-tiredness and/or over-stimulation

Nothing makes a two year old whiny like being over-tired. That’s because one of the most important/fundamental needs of a growing two year old is proper sleep.

At this age children need between anywhere from 11 to 14 hours of sleep a day. This includes a daytime nap.

Sleep is necessary because…

Your child’s brain is growing, replacing chemicals, solving problems, and storing information while they sleep.
Proper sleep improves attention, behavior, learning, and memory.
Overall physical and mental health is related to receiving a proper amount of sleep.
Proper sleep can help prevent exhaustion related crying and whining in toddlers

Prevent over-tiredness by…

Establishing a sleep schedule.
Limit screen time. I suggest 0 screen time, but if you have to, less than an hour. And NOT before bed
Keeping a bedtime routine.
Avoiding night terrors and nightmares by getting them to bed on time

At two, you’re probably still learning the personality and personality needs of your child. It wasn’t until quite a bit later than two that I discovered that my oldest boy was a True Introvert.

That being said, it shed some light on some of his crying and whining situations from a toddler. I now know that he doesn’t do well with over-stimulation. He takes it for a while, but after some time he requires alone time to “unpack.”

Not Enough Structure So Fighting Transitions

For a two year old, every day is full of brand new experiences. It’s a lot to take in..

If you find that your child is constantly crying and whining, it may be due to the fact that they don’t have enough structure in their day.

Even on days where we’re traveling or people are over… I always stick to some basic daily structures. It can be challenging, but children thrive with consistency.

Humans are creatures of habit. And, change takes lots of energy.

Try looking at the situation from your child’s perspective…

They just settled into playing at the park (because they have no concept of time and you’ve really been there 3 hours), but it’s time to go. When you say “it’s time to go” it’s meltdown city and the town is burning down.

This transition may be hard for them because they are having so much fun and don’t really see what’s coming next.

Try this to avoid crying and whining…

Give your child a time warning. Five or two minutes before leaving, have them pick one more activity before they leave. Explain that they will be leaving soon.
Once you say “it’s time to go” stick with it. If they get used to you going back on your word, they may cry and whine to get their way.
Offer a genuine reason for leaving. For example: “I’m making yummy spaghetti for dinner and I need to get it started now.” Bright kids particularly resist when they don’t think what you’re doing makes sense.
Positively enforce using words of affirmation. Be clear about what you are proud about. Say: “I loved the way you came right when I called and smiled when I put you in your car seat.”
Instruct your child by telling them what you expect then to do, not what they are doing wrong. For example, say: “Let’s put a smile on your face and get excited about helping mommy make spaghetti.” vs “Stop crying and whining- that’s all you ever do.”

Teething and Molars

Your child will probably get their two year old molars between 23 and 33 months old. These are large, flat teeth at the very back of their mouth. The lower seat usually appears first, and the upper set a bit later.

These teeth are great for grinding all the different foods they start to experience at this age. But, cutting those molars in isn’t that fun…

Although some toddlers don’t experience must discomfort, others can have quite a bit of pain. Every child is different.

Your 2 year old may be teething if…

they start chewing on toys, fingers, or clothing
night wakings start happening that had stopped a long while ago
they become super irritable which is abnormal for them
they have a low-grade temperature
or they are constantly crying and whining

I learned with my first child that teething symptoms usually worsen at night. Unfortunately this is when a child is more tired and doesn’t have the daytime distractions from the pain.

So, if they are constantly crying and whining… it may be good to look into some teething remedies.

Read These While You’re At It

Curious Behaviors That Come With Toddler Teething

How Babies Can Teeth Without Losing Sleep (5 Hacks!)

Toddler Behavior Stressing You Out? Reset With These Simple Tips

Not Getting Enough Physical Activity

In a world full of device and screens… more and more young children are inactive in their lifestyle. Being overly inactive can be damaging to a child’s development, physical health, and mental health.

Kids learn by doing. They learn by having experiences. They grow through active play. Active play is essential and a lack of it can cause a two year old to be constantly crying and whining.

To be bored, listless, and zombie like.

Take the kids to the park. Create safe outdoor areas where they can run wild and free if you have the space. Make walking, running, or playing a priority. This helps with mood regulation and tires them out.

Read These While You’re At It

45+ Easy Outdoor Games And Activities For Kids Your Family Will Love

Avoid Summer Screen Time Battles In 4 Steps (Printable Included!)

Outdoor Play Tips To Get (And Keep) The Kids Outside!

Indoor & Outdoor Toddler Climbing Toys (To Help Get That Energy Out!)

It Gets Them What They Want- So They Cry

I recently had a mom confess to me that she let’s her two year old get whatever she wants… because she doesn’t want to hear her cry.

This is exactly how to teach that two year old- that crying is the ticket to everything she wants.

I am by no means suggesting that children should be left along to cry their heart out. However, I am suggesting that teaching children to cry as a means of communicating what they want can be avoided.

What if I already do this?

If you’re already in the trap of “they cry to get what they want”- try these things:

When your child starts to cry for something, model the correct way to ask for it.
Take it slow, but require them to attempt the “please” or “can I have” before giving them what they want.
Reward them with smiles, hugs, and positive words affirmation when they use their words to communicate.

Feeling Emotionally Disconnected and Needs More Connection Time with Mom

I’m gong to go back to technology here… It’s easy to fall in into the Present But Absent mom status.

It your two year old is constantly crying and whining, take a step back and notice when they seem their worst. Is it while you’re on your device? If it is, they are probably craving more connection time with mom.

Feeling emotionally disconnected can also come from:

Lack of time spent together (some 1:1 tips for kids here)
social stresses such as change of environment or new people,
a sudden change in routine,
or too much screen time themselves.

Major Changes Going On at Home

Major changed going on at home can certainly cause a two year old to be constantly crying and whining.

Often times, children take longer to process change than adults do. What is simple to us, may make them feel like their whole world is upside down.

Also, children who are on the spectrum or have specific learning exceptionalities are more often than not… more sensitive to change.

Be constant and unwavering in your reaction to change (around your two year old). In other words, don’t freak out about change- this can upset them.
Understand that they may show symptoms of change hours… days later. The constantly crying and whining may even seem like it’s about something else altogether.

Read: Books To Talk About Hard Topics With Kids

Erratic Sleep Routines like Super Late Bedtime or Sleeping Half the Morning Away

As any mom would tell you, it’s super tempting to let them stay up late- in order to sleep in. That way, you can get some things done in the morning.

Unfortunately, this type of routine can cause a two year old to be off kilter with the normal daily rhythms. Our bodies do align with the rising and setting of the sun.

Little ones who go to bedtime by 7pm or so can enjoy 5 hours of restorative sleep because the hours until midnight are the deepest of the entire night.

A sleep routine for your 2 year old is super important and children will behave better when they have one under wraps.

Wake up and start the day time should be fairly consistent
Nap times (or rest times) should be consistent
Bedtimes should be consistent

Normal Developmental Changes (More Emotions Coming Up/Developmental Leaps)

At times, being a two year old is hard work.

They are growing so fast. And have many emotions and developmental leaps coming up.

During this age, kids start to develop a strong sense of self and therefore can come across as being being bossy or selfish. Furthermore, they are not developmentally ready to share and have a wide range of curiosities (which probably get them into trouble).

Additionally, two year olds experience extreme feelings of frustration, anger, sadness, and shame. And yet, they don’t quite know how to express themselves.

This burst of independence- coupled with the inability to effectively communicate can lead to crying and whining.

Rest assured, with patience and time… this too shall pass.

Separation Anxiety which Can Take Hold Around This Age

Separation anxiety can take hold around 9 moths of age, and last for years. It can lead to crying and whining during the most inopportune times. Remember these truths:

It’s a normal developmental stage.
Helps develop object permanence.

Stay calm and confident in your approach to their separation anxiety.

The more you can exude confidence and calm to your child during the emotional moments, the more they will model your behavior and trust that everything really is “OK”.

Read: Separation Anxiety At Bedtime

Ways to Support Your Emotional Toddler

Teach about emotions

show acceptance & understanding by responding to their reactions in a calm but firm way
give them lots of affection
work on forming a secure attachment (not based on if your child can see you at the moment)
applaud effort (not success)
encourage learning whenever possible
practice patience

Frequently Asked Questions:

My two-year-old cries as soon as we drop him off somewhere. What do I do?

Remain calm, this is a normal experience for most parents of toddlers! Before dropping him off, talk to him about where he is going, what he will do there, who he will see, etc. to help prepare him for what’s coming. Consider letting him take a comfort item or favorite toy with him while he’s away from you. Respond to his reactions in a calm, reassuring way. Remember, this too shall pass!

How can I prevent overstimulation in my toddler?

It takes time to get to know the needs of each child, and some get more overstimulated than others. Take notes about when you think they may be getting overstimulated and notice if there are patterns. Try giving independent play time, a nap, or another quiet activity such as reading a book when you notice them getting overstimulated.

Sources:

The Habit Every Mom Starts When Nursing — But Wishes She Hadn’t

Inside: Many moms develop this habit of reliance on our smart phone during nursing and later find hard to break. Here are some proven strategies to help you beat this habit.

My firstborn made me think things were so easy.

She was a fast nurser. (I know this because I wrote down her exact feed times.)

For one whole month

She would feed no more than 12 minutes then purse her lips together and refuse any more. At the hospital the midwives looked at each other and said, “Look at that, what a strong suck!”

I was so enamored with her, and she fed so fast, that feeding sessions were over before I’d barely settled in. I thought this is how babies fed.

Naturally, I assumed they were all efficient fast feeders. Then, move on with baby life.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Self-Care That Sticks

Start Now

4 kids later… I was wrong

I’ve had the barracuda feeders, the gourmet samplers, and one or two of the other fun terms used for babies that take a long time to feed.

With two of my babies, for the first few months, each feed took at least 25 minutes, sometimes 40 minutes. I am not exaggerating!

Unfortunately, like most moms do these days… I learned reliance on my smart phone simply because of the time it took.

Read: Breastfeeding Schedules By Month – To 1 Year Of Age

I Nursed Multiple Times a Day

So… multiple times a day I could be found sitting nursing a baby. I couldn’t get up to use the bathroom or tend to anyone else. I nursed when they napped or played independently to try and minimize any sibling jealousy.

Everything seemed to be going smoothly and working out just fine…

But… what did not work out fine was the bad habit I started during these long nursing sessions.

I wonder if that’s how soap opera additions started back in the day. Were housewives sitting under nursing babies for 30 minute intervals all day… and they just switched on the TV?

Well, that isn’t our generation’s struggle. We don’t watch endless hours of soap operas.

Read: My “Daily Escape” to a Quiet Place & Why It’s Necessary

Today… we scroll!

It’s normal. We all do it. Our phones don’t just receive calls anymore. While we’re stuck under a baby we can pay bills, answer emails, post photos, and EVEN shop for groceries. It’s just what we do.

It’s not a matter of availability towards our children at this point. We aren’t purposefully refusing to bond with the baby.

The truth is… they are just there. Honestly, they are available and promising a momentary high in an otherwise mundane day.

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Tech on Your Terms

The “Tech on Your Terms” workshop helps parents create a step-by-step technology introduction plan that aligns with their family values, is age-appropriate, and gradually increases their children’s tech access while maintaining parental boundaries.

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The Trouble with Scrolling While Nursing

Using my smartphone while nursing my youngest wasn’t a big deal… until it was.

I noticed how bad my habit had gotten when my baby turned 6 months. That is the age babies become distracted feeders. They start squirming, drinking, then looking around, then drinking, then trying to sit up, then drinking.

And on and on. ..

There is simply no room for a cell phone because by the time you get halfway through your brilliant Facebook comment, baby moves and you drop the phone.

Then you get annoyed with baby.

I think we all know how distracted we can become by social media. I have lost my patience on multiple occasions and felt guilty afterwards because it had nothing to do with my sweet kids, instead I was aggravated at something online.

It’s ridiculous really, this reliance on our smart phone…

This was when I knew I had a problem. Not because I was trying to make myself feel guilty, but because I genuinely did not like what my habit had become.

Smartphones are addicting. Period…

The problem arrises because reliance on our smart phone doesn’t stop when babies stop nursing. It keeps on…

Except, we then have to find time that’s no longer there to scroll. A year or two passes and we don’t have a nursing baby, but we’re still reaching for our phones for 30 minutes at a time multiple times a day.

Reality hit me! Our brains have become trained to listen for the dings and vibrations and the momentary surges in feel good hormones that are released when we receive a message, a comment, or some other online communication.

Note: Worried you are too attached to your phone? Learn how to Slow Your Scroll right here!

Not to mention night-time…

For most, it gets particularly hard when we use our phones to scroll for night feedings. Why? Because long after baby has fed and gone back to sleep we’re up scrolling.

It’s proven that this late night scrolling actually interferes with normal sleep habits and can hinder a healthy sleep schedule.

What the science? Here ya go! The blue light from your smartphone screen keeps you from producing melatonin and keeps your brain alert.

So… while you could be lying down feeding baby then going immediately back to sleep after putting baby down, your brain is left “on.”

All this leads to mom burnout.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Self-Care That Sticks

Start Now

This is a nasty cycle.

Why?

Because the next day we’re exhausted then grab our smartphones to zone out. In fact, some researchers have referred to smartphones as “adult pacifiers.” When we’re cranky, moody, or need to escape… we scroll.

Without realizing it, we’re trading this special time with our babies to catch up on other people’s political opinions or vacation photos.

We all know social media isn’t as important to us as our babies, and yet… we struggle to focus on our own lives and instead read about the lives of others.

Reliance on Our Smart Phones is a Real Issue

I didn’t stop scrolling while nursing because I felt guilty or because I thought I was a bad mother.

No, I stopped because I wanted my life back.

I’ve heard from many moms who say they are still addicted, months after they’ve stopped nursing.

We don’t want to be addicted to our smartphones… but it happens. It becomes second nature and can’t help but reach for our phones every minute.
We don’t want to constantly hear about the amazing things other people are doing then look over and see a poop stain, a screaming toddler, and a messy house.
Lastly, we don’t want to feel good about life when we’re looking at a screen. We want to feel good about the life in front us.

But how do we stop?

Psst… Worried you are too attached to your phone? Get some simple strategies and find the freedom you’re craving!

How to Break Our Reliance on Smart Phones

It’s not easy to break our reliance on smart phones for entertainment. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it a million times over.

Do a Full Detox | For my nearly 4 day detox, I kept my phone either off or on airplane mode. After that 4 days I had no desire to turn it back on and use it again. In fact, I felt so free I contemplated getting a dumb phone. Hasn’t happened yet, but it may one day.
Use Airplane Mode | By putting your phone on airplane mode you won’t receive notifications, texts, or calls in real time. This gives you freedom from incessant dinging and ringing.
Customize Notifications | Turning off your notifications is a tremendous step. Unlocking your phone to see 15 notifications for various apps draws you down the rabbit hole with little hope for a “quick check.” By turning off the notifications you are taking back control. You decide when to check an app, that app does not decide by sending you an irresistible “ding.”

More ways to detox from devices

Use Apps That Block Usage | Install an app that will give you set times to scroll and, outside of those times, block you out. This is a great way to begin detoxing without having to exercise self-discipline every single moment. Here are some apps for that.
Read A Book Instead | A habit I’ve adopted is keeping the phone out of reach and reading an actual book. Imagine that! Not on Kindle either, because that begs distraction. A good old fashioned book can be a more positive escape.
Physically Remove Your Device | I purposefully use a white noise app on my phone for the baby to sleep. This means for the majority of the day my phone is in the baby’s room while he’s napping or, when he’s awake, it’s out of reach. This is the single most useful tip I can give. Keep the phone away from you and the compulsion to check it will lessen naturally over time without you needing to exert willpower over and over.
Break the “Ludic Loop” By Using A Timer | According to researchers, the mental Ludic Loop is what happens when you do the same thing over and over and are lulled into a state of tranquility. This is why people get addicted to Candy Crush or slot machines. Or checking Facebook, Instagram, email, then doing it all over again. Set a timer for 5 minutes before you start scrolling then, when it goes off, set the phone down. You’ll get any urgent info without wasting time.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

13-18, 6-12

Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

Taking care of your mental health shouldn’t feel like another chore. This workshop shows you how to build simple, sustainable routines that support your well-being and your kid’s emotional health—without the stress or overthinking.

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What I Noticed Shocked Me

After I stopped scrolling while nursing, I noticed a few things that helped me break that habit for good. No more temptation to check Instagram or Facebook.

I noticed how much I enjoyed watching my little guy squirm around.

I noticed how chubby his thighs were.

And I noticed how his hair sticks out on the back of his head like a tail feather.

How big he is getting.

Once I was able to stop scrolling long enough to get back in the habit of being with my baby, you couldn’t make me use my phone. The hard part was getting there… but once you’re there, it’s worth it.

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it. – Thoreau

Slow Your Scroll and start ENJOYING your actual life!

If you are ready to stop reaching for that phone to escape your stress and overwhelm, then Slow Your Scroll will help. You’ll learn the roots of why you are device dependent, AND how to break free from that!

Break free from your smartphone compulsion today so you don’t regret missing out on the precious moments before you now! Grab your copy right here!

Frequently Asked Questions

Rachel, motherhood can be so isolating and scrolling on my phone helps me to feel more connected to other people. What do I do to feel connected to others if I stop scrolling?

Social connectedness is one of the biggest indicators of a high quality of life and this can look differently when you have a small child. If you have friends and family in your area, make time to see them and focus on making real connections in real life. Social media offers a false sense of connection that often leaves us feeling discontent and anxious. Focus on building connections with real people and share real life experiences with them instead of focusing on other people’s highlight reels on social media. You won’t regret it!

Nursing is my only downtime and I want to be available to answer texts, calls, and emails, etc. When can I do this if I don’t while I nurse?

We don’t have to be available to others at all times. Being disciplined in how we use our devices will bless us and our families as we learn to be more present. If you need to reset expectations that others might have of you in this area, that’s okay. Choose a few minutes each day to power through answering the emails, texts, etc. you’ve received so that you aren’t constantly checking them throughout the day.

Sources:

How To Use The Pacifier (Without) Putting It Back In All Night!!

If you’re using the pacifier but now it’s become more of a chore with baby throwing it out of the crib, or it falling out while baby is sleeping, and you have to get up and put it back in all night… you’re need a solution. Here are some pacifier pros and cons and how to use the pacifier (dummy) without putting it back in all night.

I’ve used the pacifier with all my babies and have to say that I do love them.

They have their pros and cons, but can be an extremely effective tool in helping comfort, calm, and sleep train your baby.

But first, if you are deciding whether to take the plunge to pacify, consider three things:

your baby will get addicted
he will not kick the habit willingly
he will attempt to have you reinsert it day and night if you let him.

If you’re okay with those things (and I always was!) then it may be for you!

As long as you know those things you’re ready to go 🙂

Here are some general rules of teat thumb when using the pacifier.

Do:

Let them suck during their wake time or when they’re happy as it satisfies the non-nutritive sucking need young infants have.
Use the pacifier to help night wean your baby or toddler. If they are used to nursing to sleep, try substituting the pacifier (particularly if it’s one they can put back in themselves) as this will help wean them from nursing. This probably works best if your spouse gives them the pacifier, not you.
Get a pacifier that babies can put in and keep in and toddlers can find in their crib without your help. I have purchased quite a few of these pacifiers, and they are easy to find in the dark for your baby or toddler.
Let your baby have the pacifier if you need to prolong the time until their next feeding. It will give them temporary relief, aka. they will be pacified, and you can get another 15 minutes out of them to finish at the checkout (because running errands with babies is hard), pay the bill at the restaurant, etc.
Take the pacifier away when your children start to throw it out of the crib just so you’ll come back in to get it for them. This is a sign that they are now gettin’ tricky! When my son started this we took it away. After only one day he was sleeping without disruption again. If they’re old enough to play this game they’re old enough to go to sleep on their own ;).

child holding pacifier with stuffed sheep attached

Don’t:

Don’t confuse them by prolonging the pacifier wean. Of course you’ll know your kids better than anyone else, but I’ve found with my kids that once you start the wean then finish it. You can poke a hole, make it bigger, etc. or another trick of the trade, but don’t take it away then give it back then take it away, etc. Make a plan then stick to it.
Don’t use it so you don’t have to hear your baby cry. Learning their cries helps you accurately meet their needs which means they’ll probably cry less anyway. So sure you can use it to comfort your baby, but try to determine the reason of their cry first.
Don’t let your babies use it indefinitely as a sleep prop. Using the pacifier can be a good sleep association, and help the baby or toddler to get to sleep, but don’t make a habit of going back into the room to put the pacifier back in. If they can’t put it in themselves again then I’d start out how you can hold out. Mine have all been given the pacifier at bedtime, but I didn’t go back in all nigh long (unless they were teething or night weaning) and that is the best of both worlds.

Read: Pacifier Weaning 101: Guide To Less Stress & Fewer Tears

How to stop going in all night to put the pacifier back in

If they are addicted to the pacifier and want it reinserted all night you’ve got a sleep prop on your hands and you are probably one tired mom.

It sounds simple and you’ll meet resistance, but there are a few options here.

Get them a pacifier they can find and put back in (my kids used these) or just stop doing it.
Continue giving it at bedtime, but comfort in another way until they’re back to sleep and learning to sleep through their transition.
Take longer than last time to reinsert it and see if baby gets back to sleep without it.

You can use the pacifier to help your baby or toddler in many ways. As long as you take a start out how you can hold out approach then you’ll all be happy you did.

Pacifier FAQ

Do you give the pacifier back to baby in the middle of the night?

If baby seems to wake frequently and isn’t in need of a feed, you can give the pacifier back. After 6 months of age it’s a good idea to teach baby to put their own pacifier back in. If baby is waking too often, you may want to wean the pacifier.

Can a baby sleep with a pacifier all night?

It’s difficult to keep a pacifier in the baby’s mouth all night. This is because when they fully relax into a deep sleep, the muscles of their mouth will open and the pacifier will fall out. This type of pacifier can be propped up on baby’s chest and stands the best chance.

Does the pacifier cause gas?

According to doctors and studies done, it does not cause gas. Intense sucking possibly can take in air that may cause some air bubbles, but it’s not noticeable and will not be the main cause of gas.

Why do pacifiers help reduce the risk of SIDS?

According to the AAP pacifiers help reduce the risk of SIDS because when baby is sucking on them (or a breast) they remain active and in a lighter state of sleep which helps their body’s systems keep them awake and alert.

What is a good age to take away a pacifier?

Any age is a good age to take the pacifier away if baby is becoming too dependent, can’t re-insert it in their own mouth, or if it’s disrupting their night sleep. By around 1 year of age, it’s good to take the pacifier away so it doesn’t turn into an emotional crutch that also creates some teeth issues.

Is the pacifier bad for a newborn?

If you are nursing, midwives typically recommend waiting until around 6 weeks to introduce the pacifier so there isn’t nipple confusion. However, if you see your baby doesn’t have a difficult time latching on, then it’s fine.

How do you break the pacifier habit?

You use pacifier weaning strategies. You can remove the pacifier cold turkey, put a hole in the top, mail it to a loved one, or anything in between. But the key is to pick a strategy and stick with it.

How do you get the baby to suck on the pacifier?

Ah ha! A good trick is to take the pacifier and put it in the baby’s mouth then gently tug it out. This will cause baby to instinctually suck on it. Do this a few times every time you put it in until baby gets a strong suck.

A 9 to 12 Month Routine Guaranteed to Make Happy Babies

Here are great sample 9, 10, 11, and 12 month baby routines and schedules. I’m continuing my sample schedule series with our routine for the 9-12 month period. During this time your little one is more mobile, awake more, but still has some sleep and nutrition needs that’ll dictate if they’re in a good mood or not. Here is a sample routine that’ll help your baby have calm peaceful days, good long naps, and easy bedtimes. Of course, with some play and snuggle time thrown in there too.

Y’all don’t even know.

We’re not supposed to say we have a favorite age, but I mean really…. this 9 to 12-month phase is my absolute favorite.

Okay fine, I said that at the 6 month age too…

Why? They are sweet, gushy and cuddly, and they laugh a lot. All smiles and no attitude.

Need I say more?

Notes about 9 to 12 month olds

9 to 12 month olds are less sleepy than they used to be, but should still be taking two naps a day. If your baby takes one super long nap and has an early bedtime they may still get along without being overtired, but if that one nap isn’t at least 3 hours try putting them down twice.
Solids are super important at this stage. Not only for their nutritional needs, but for proper sleep. All 5 of my kiddos wouldn’t sleep well or would wake super early if they hadn’t had adequate food throughout the day. Also, I was able to discern my milk supply wasn’t what it should have been due to this very thing. 9 to 12 month old babies need to eat a good amount of solids in addition to milk.

This 9 to 12 month period is when babies start crawling around, making huge messes, trying to empty the trash can, and want to shove everything in their mouths. While you may not need to “baby proof” in a very strict sense of the word, it is a time to practice more vigilance. But hey, you’re already used to being hyper-vigilant aren’t you?

Read: Feeding baby until 1 year of age

A sample routine for 9 to 12 month old babies

Note: This is the routine I’ve used with all 5 of my babies, more or less at the same times.

That’s not to say it’s the only way… there is probably not an “only way” for much in this life.

Sample 9 Month Old Routine

7:30 am – milk and solids
9:30 am – morning nap
11:30 am – milk
12:00 pm or so – lunch with family
1:00 pm – afternoon nap
3:30 pm – milk and snack
5:00 to 5:30 pm – dinner with family and solids
7:00 pm – milk and bedtime
6:30 pm – bedtime snack if desired

Watch this quick video to see a major reason for having whiny babies at this age.

Now, let’s break the sample schedule down

This is the first sample schedule for a 9 month old, but can also be used for a 10, 11, or 12 month old and I am using it to help explain some exactly step by step what is done!

7:30 am – Milk and solids. If the baby hasn’t had a substantial bedtime snack he’ll wake earlier, but I don’t feed him milk or solids until this time because that encourages him to sleep later, which he will.

We’ll eat breakfast, then he will have some free play with is siblings.

9:30 am – Morning nap. My 4th doesn’t take a long nap at this point, maybe 45 minutes, but that’s enough to keep him content and rested until his afternoon nap.

If he wakes early, I’ll often put a few toys or board books in his crib and let him play as part of his independent play time.

11:30 am – Milk. I’d nurse him or give him a bottle at this time then let him play a bit more until noon, which is when we all have lunch at the table together.

If he’s particularly hungry I’ll give him some finger food in his high chair so he isn’t antsy.

12:00 pm – Lunch at the table with siblings.

1:00 – 1:15 pm – Afternoon nap. I put all 4 of my babies down to nap at the same time. I do a brief wind down, lots of cuddles and kisses, then into the bed with white noise.

4:00 pm – Most days the baby sleeps until at least this time or even 4:30.

Yes, this is what happens when you give them enough food! When he wakes up I’d nurse (though he is now 13 months and weaned… sob…) or give him the bottle.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5

Sleep Little Lamb (Ages 0-5)

Moms will walk away with a step-by-step sleep plan tailored to their child’s age and needs, designed to improve sleep within 3 days to 2 weeks.

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5:00 – 5:15 pm – Dinner. This is a very early dinnertime, but it works for us. We’ll all sit and eat as a family.

I’d like to say it’s calm and peaceful but it’s loud and does my head in most nights. Let’s all be honest together. After dinner we’ll do the baths (though they don’t take one every single night), have free play, and generally get ready for bed.

We’ll often read this book after we’ve finished eating together.

6:30 pm – Bedtime snack. I forget this about half the time, but it’s what helps the baby sleep later in the morning. I’ll usually do something like applesauce or yogurt.

Just enough to top him off.

7:00 pm – Nurse/bottle and bed. My husband has always been “jealous” that I get to put the babies to bed. Mwahaha, mommy privileges. This is when the baby is calm and sweet and tired.

Eyes rubbing, singing, praying, and off to bed.

Read: When Babies Go To One Nap (A Step By Step Guide)

Sample 10-Month-Old Routine

Note, these times can be adjusted based on your own preferred morning wake time. For example, if you have to do a school morning routine with older kids, you may need baby to wake slightly earlier or later.

6:30 am – milk and solids
8:30 am – morning nap
10:30 am – milk and small snack
12:00 pm or so – lunch with family
1:00 pm – afternoon nap
3:30 pm – milk and snack
5:00 to 5:30 pm – dinner with family and solids
6:30 pm – bedtime snack if desired
7:00 pm – milk and bedtime

Sample 11-Month-Old Routine

This is a later bedtime, but can work if you are a stay at home mom. Also, to get baby to sleep later you’ll need some super dark blackout blinds!

8:30 am – Wake up for the day, eat, play
11:00 am – Nap
12:30 pm – Wake, eat, and play
3:00 pm – Nap
4:30 pm – Wake, eat, and play
6:00 pm – Solids with family at dinner
8:00 pm – Bedtime routine, milk
8:30 pm – Bedtime

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Sticky Routines System

Giving you a step-by-step guide to overcome barriers and stick to the healthy routines you’ve committed to. Learn the mindsets and secrets disciplined moms use to run a tight ship🚢 (think, mornings, chores, homework, bedtime, self-care, etc.)

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Sample 12-Month-Old Routine

7:00 am – Wake up, eat breakfast, play
9:30 am – Nap
10:45 am – Wake up, play
12:00 pm – Lunch, play
1:00 pm – Nap
3:30 pm – Wake up, snack, play
5:30 pm – Dinner
6:00 pm – Bath, wind down, family time
7:30 pm – Bedtime

The Key to a Good Routine with 9, 10, 11, and 12-month-old babies

This may be so simple it goes without saying… but the key to a good routine is keeping the routine. It can be tricky to remember everything in order when you’re beginning, but once you get the hang of it, routine will be second nature.

It can seem very difficult to get started doing or keeping a routine when you do not have one at all. Here are some ways you can learn to keep your routine.

Read These While You’re At It

8 Reasons You’ve Got A Whiny Baby (And How To Fix It!)

Want an Easy Baby? Then Use A Foolproof Baby Schedule

Baby’s First Year: The Ultimate Month By Month Guide

Breastfeeding Schedule By Month — Birth to 1 Year Of Age!

Hang the routine up.

In my Rhythms, Routines, and Schedules ebook (see more below) I have 25+ sample routine printables from babies age 6 weeks to 5 years.

You can take these printables and hang them in your nursery, on the fridge, or keep them in your planner. Whatever works.

You can hang the routine cards as well and pretty soon you won’t need to reference anything, it’ll be second nature.

Set alarms.

While you don’t need to live and die by the clock, setting your phone, watch, or a timer will help you keep aware of routine transitions.

We can often get so wrapped up in what we’re doing we forget we’ve let the baby sleep 4 hours. Why is that bad? Because 4 hours is a stretch littles ones should only sleep at night!

I set alarms on my phone that show on my watch and this works for us.

Practice.

As with anything, if you want something to work then work it. Keep pushing what you’ve decided to do. If it doesn’t work then change it up a bit and keep going.

Move forward.

I assure you 100% that a routine will work if you keep at it.

Want Routine Printables to hang up?

If you want routines and schedules for not only the 9 to 12 month age, but 18 months, 2 years, and on and on I’ve got great news. I’ve created a book chock full of routines that work.

Routines that keep babies well rested, happy, and content. Routines that account for all the things you need to do and they are mom tested.

The best part?

The book comes with printable routines (3 choices for each age) that you can hang up and use! So instead of having to reinvent the wheel every few months, you’ll have tried and true mom tested routines right at your fingertips.

Get your own routine book and printables here!

“How long is 9 month old awake between first wake up and first nap? I am really stuck with this.”

I think that this can vary slightly, but I’m going to say 2 hours is a solid rule of thumb you can go by. 7 am wake up then a 9 am nap. Then maybe up by 11 am and a 1 pm nap.

“Our 9 month old only takes a 45 minute nap in the afternoon (from 1:15-2:00) then he is EXHAUSTED by 6:00 pm causing him to wake at 5:00 am every day. Any advice? I know we need to adjust his bedtime but I’m not sure how!”

First, oh no! These 45 minute nap intruders are the worst. I need more info to help, but if baby has 3 naps at this point, I’d probably try dropping the third nap so that baby is taking a morning and an afternoon.

If baby is only on 2 naps, I’d try tweaking the time of the afternoon nap. Perhaps baby isn’t quite tired enough to sleep a good nap at 1, but then is super overtired by his bedtime.

Also, if he has a bad nap I’d move bedtime up a good chunk. So if he normally sleeps at 7:30 pm, I’d probably go to 6:30 pm and see what happens. This, at least, will keep him well rested enough as you begin to tweak his routine. Sometimes the routine will get all out of whack, but ultimately if he’s well rested things will fall back into place!

“I’m struggling with a 8 1/2 month old and really feeling the conflict of being home bound with her 2 1/2 year old brother. At home, he tends to wake her very easily and his behavior is escalated when he is home all day, but when we are out and about she doesn’t get any sleep. How do you decide on priorities as a family?”

What an excellent question. First, I’d work on helping your newborn sleep even though the louder siblings are trying to wreck the nap. Ha. This isn’t easy, but with some good white noise and a little self-control training, it can be done.

Also, I’ve been there. It’s hard to feel like you are at home all day, but equally hard to run errands with baby. What I did was to sort of balance it. I’d give a day or two where I knew baby’s nap would be wrecked and go for it.

Then the other days we’d stay at home. I’d try to remember the days are long (longgggggggg), but the years are short and that my older kids could also be okay and get out their hyper energy in other ways.

This is a great question.

“How does this work if your child doesn’t eat solids? My son is almost 11 months and refusing any kind of food. He only wants his bottle- we are in feeding therapy. He has always been an awful sleeper- 20-30 minute naps 4 times a day until a few weeks ago when he started to take an hour-90 minutes and then a 45 minute and another 45 minute.

Once in awhile we would get a few nights where he would sleep well… he also is in daycare full time and has been since on and off from December to Now from colds, ear infection, hospital stay, ear tubes and chronic cough. *sigh* I just want to help him get enough rest so he thrives.”

First, routines are supposed to serve you, not the other way around.

So, if a certain routine doesn’t work for your 11 month old then it doesn’t work for you and it can be thrown out. Your little one is likely very hungry since he isn’t yet able to take solids. Babies systems are made to take solids around 6 months (they used to say sooner!) so he’s likely extra hungry as he only wants his bottle.

I believe unless his tummy is well and truly full he’ll have trouble sleeping, but as soon as his feeding issues improve and he’s able to have as much nutrients as his body craves, then sleeping will fall into line.

“I have a 9 month old…i am struggling with her night routine…and hee day naps..she is breastfeed….I put her to sleep at 7-7.30 pm…she wakes at 10.30 ish for a feed, then 2.30 ish then 5.30/6.00 am then wakes up at 7.30 am….i try to let her cry it out at night but eventually have to feed her…

she does have good 3 meals at the moment…also her day naps are short 45 min to an hour in the morning….try to put her down early but is not interested…..afternoon naps are hit and miss and are 30 mins ish…she is sometimes overtired but just wont sleep…”

What a tough spot! You are wanting baby to stop waking as frequently at night and stop fighting sleep. First, here are 28 things you can try if baby won’t sleep. Next, I’d see how much food is she getting with her solids? Is she having the full servings as suggested by the American Academy of Pediatrics?

Not saying we should live or die by that, but if she isn’t getting enough solids then she won’t sleep through the night at this age.

Also, when she wakes at night, does she want to feed or does she want comfort? If she wants food, then the best way to prevent more night wakings is to make sure she’s getting enough food during the day.

If she wakes up and wants to nurse for comfort, but isn’t hungry, then it’s time to wean her from that sleep prop and help her find another way to find comfort.

Sources:

32 Consequences Moms Can Use for Negative Behavior

Here are some consequences for negative and undesirable behavior moms use for toddlers, preschoolers, and younger children. Of course, before giving consequences to our kids for their behavior, we want to make sure they are well-fed, well-slept, and emotionally supported with a strong connection with us. We can do that through validation, good routines, and a peaceful life. If you’re wanting some consequences to use with rules in your home, this post will help.

Let’s get one thing out of the way.

“Mean” moms aren’t bad people.

Mean moms are, by cultural definition, moms who are more worried about their children’s well-being than their momentary happiness.

This perspective often means they make decisions that their children don’t like in the moment.

And mean moms hold to their choices (if their choices are wise ones) even when these choices make their kids mad.

Before we move on and I get tons of hate mail and everyone is Up In Arms, let’s talk about 4 different types of parenting and where Mean Moms fall.

√ Authoritarian: strict, controlling, often cold and detached, seek total obedience, believe the goal of parenting is to bed the will of the child to a greater authority

√ Authoritative: strict, consistent, loving, and are issue-oriented and pragmatic, they try to balance the responsibility of the child to conform to parental instruction as well as recognizing children are not robots (emphasis my own)

√ Permissive: lenient, avoid confrontation, loving, and allow children to self-regulate

√ Uninvolved: demands nothing, gives nothing

(sources here and here)

So for the purposes of this post, Moms are Authoritative Parents.

Parents who do not make incessant demands, but who have boundaries they keep and discipline occurs when those boundaries are crossed.

Mean moms gives tons of cuddles because it’s good for their kids’ brains. They don’t make unreasonable requests of their children, they make logical ones.

Also, they recognize that childishness is not the same thing as foolishness, and they discipline the foolishness while explaining over and over and over again why we don’t do the childish ones.

Consequences when Kids Are Mean to Siblings, Playmates, or Family

Removal from the play situation or interaction. If a child cannot be kind to a sibling, for example, they must go play elsewhere.
Set up a “bickering table” (source). Give your kids a time to argue and get it all out. It can be in a conversation if they’re older or a horseplay rough and tumble (if yours are into this sort of thing like mine are). Instead of constantly telling the to stop, let them deal with their frustrations with a moderator. You, the mean mom.
Have the offending child say 5 nice things about the person they’ve just hurt or offended. This is hard for preschoolers (nearly impossible for toddlers) but they catch on, and it encourages positive connection.
Go to independent play time and have opportunity to settle down.
Have a “do over” where they need to say again (or do again) what they should have done in the first place.

Read: Strict Parents: What They Are, Aren’t, and Pesky Boundaries

Read: Time In Vs. Time Out … and is Time Out Damaging Kids?

Consequences when Kids Refuse to Mind

Time out. Or time in. Call it what you want, having your child sit tight for a few minutes and think about what’s happening can mean an immediate change of attitude and cooperation.
Loss of a privilege. If they can’t do what you ask, they can’t have screen time (or insert privilege here). The South African method for cooperation may be the best bet here anyway.
Use the phrase “I’ll know you’re ready to {do this} when you {do that}.” So, “I’ll know you’re ready to get down and play when you put away your plate. If you won’t put it away, you stay put.” Get many more phrases that work wonders here.
Early to nap or early to bed. Defiance often occurs when kids are emotionally overloaded which often happens when they’re tired. Sometimes the best thing you can do is lead a kid to their bed.
Take away a toy. Having toys and games are privileges. If a child is refusing to carry out a responsibility, take away a toy, aka. a privilege. Then it can be returned upon completion of the task.

Read: Quiet time (Rest time) for Toddlers: All You Need to Know

Consequences for Fighting Naps or Bedtime

Going to bed early (if nap was a nightmare) or going to bed early the next night (if bedtime was a nightmare). It’s actually a myth that being tired makes you sleep better. Being tired makes you cranky and crazy.
No books at bedtime. I don’t actually like this consequence because I love reading with the kids at night, but if a child is throwing themselves down on the ground and making all manner of fuss, it might need to happen.
The silent return. This isn’t really a “consequence” per se, but if they come out of their room just bring them back without getting into a debate. Over and over and over again. They’ll get the picture.
You just make them do it. The consequence is that you just get on with bedtime and do it. Kids might kick and scream and fight sleep (because exhausted babies and toddlers and kids do this) but you just get a grip on your emotions, love cuddle hug, and put them to bed anyway.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5

Sleep Little Lamb (Ages 0-5)

Moms will walk away with a step-by-step sleep plan tailored to their child’s age and needs, designed to improve sleep within 3 days to 2 weeks.

Start Now

mom and daughter reading a bedtime story

Consequences for Tantrums and Fits

Removal from the scene. If you’re having a family dinner and someone is melting down, you can remove that child from the scene not to isolate them, but to prevent their mood from ruining dinner for everyone else. They can return as soon as they’re feeling better. Remember, you don’t have to make them feel better.
“Go on the couch and cry cry cry until you’re okay.” When my kids are very upset and whining and crying, I’ll often suggest they go lay on the couch and cry until it’s all out. This encourages them to emote, then you can have a conversation when they’re calm.
Send them to their room for a rest. If your child is losing it, it can be a result of tiredness. Put on some white noise give them a Quiet Room, and let them have a rest.

Consequences for Not Minding in Public

Mom time. If in a park or play area, they come sit by mom. Once my son was hurting his brother over and over so he forfeited his entire play time there and had to sit on the bench by me. This has never happened again.
They earn a “job.” I had 4 boys (ages 4 to 4 months) in a doctor’s waiting room for 2 hours and the way I kept the peace was if they got out of their seats or ran around they earned a job. This was actually fun for them, they were pretty tame, and the next day by dinner I had a fully cleaned bathroom :). Remember, there are chores little kids can do well.

Read: Toddler Behavior Stressing You Out? Reset With These Simple Tips

They miss out on the fun thing or the treat. When I go to the store with the kids I always get them a lollipop. They are.50 each so this is not a splurge, but they feel like it is. If they misbehave (actual misbehaving, not just annoying behavior) then they don’t get their lollipop.

How to Handle Lying or Misdirection

Separate the offense and the lie. Don’t just have one blanket consequence for it all, but separate them. Who ripped the book, broke the vase, or freed the bunny is a different situation than lying about who did it.
Give your child a chance to come clean. Don’t ask questions that encourage the lie. Don’t look at a child with a broken vase at his feet and say, “Who broke the vase?” Instead say, “You broke the vase, huh? What happened?” Always in a voice that welcomes discussion, not one that invokes shame.
Give them a do over. If you know your child has just lied, tell them something like, “I’m going to give you a few minutes to think about this, and then I’d love to hear the truth about what happened.” This is usually enough for them to feel “off the spot” and be okay with telling you the truth, even if the situation is an anger trigger for you.
Don’t take it personally, but help them value the truth. Children are not trying to be manipulative or immoral, they’re just trying to solve a “problem” and aren’t sure how. Read books about Boys Crying Wolf or the value of honesty and make sure you’re honest with your own communication. Know that lying is a developmental milestone and try not to overreact.

Boundaries & Behavior

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Discipline with Dignity

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Consequences for Getting Out of Bed or Leaving Their Rooms in the Middle of Night or Morning

Aside from Potty Reasons or Nightmares.

Bring back the crib. If toddlers are getting out of their beds and coming out of their room, put them back in their crib. I don’t understand the compulsion to put very young toddlers in big boy beds when they don’t have the self-control to match it. I keep mine in their cribs as long as possible and this has worked for us. If it isn’t working, feel free to change.
Take all toys or books out of their room, or put them out of reach. If your child is getting out of bed to play, make sure they have nothing to play with during sleep or rest times.
Get a child door lock or something similar. Now, before you start sending me hate mail… we live on 20 acres with a pond, a pool, and a busy road nearby. One of my sons knows how to open all doors and he likes to come out of his room when everyone else is still sleeping. It is both unwise and dangerous for me to allow him this freedom when he is too young to handle it. Now, he physically cannot come out of his room in the mornings unless I let him out. It is for his safety, not his punishment.

Consequences for Procrastination, Avoidance, or Dragging Feet on a Task

Use the South African method of order. Don’t put fun things first, then stop those, then ask kids to do chores. Do it the other way round.
Use a timer. If your child hasn’t finished by the time the timer goes off, and your expectations are actually realistic, then give them another job to do.

Consequences for Fighting Over Toys

Take the toy away. Create specific rules about sharing or fighting, etc. If there is one toy that consistently causes kids to fight, take it away in the name of sibling affection.
Give the child place to play alone. If they enjoy playing with their siblings they won’t want to lose that time. If they can’t play with sibling without fighting, they play alone.
They choose another game. Instead of fighting over one toy, that toy gets taken away and you help them find something else to play with. Sometimes the working together to find a new game gets them back on the same team.

Boundaries & Behavior

Loving Authority

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General Tips about Consequences for the Mean Mom

Pick your battles. Don’t choose a stupid hill to die on. If it isn’t a big deal don’t make it into one because your guilt is telling you that every single not quite exactly right thing your child does must go punished. Release yourself from that. The kids are alright. That said, here are some battles worth fighting.
Always be kind. You can be firm and kind. You can be consistent and kind. You can give a consequence and be kind. You can do all these things and not create a rip in your relationship with your child. My son kicked me the other night and lost the privilege to go this Nana’s for a sleepover. When I told him this consequence he actually came to me crying, sad he couldn’t go, and sorry he’d hurt me in his impulsive move. Though I gave a hard consequence, we did not lose ground relationally.
Think beforehand. Instead of just reacting quickly and giving a stern punishment you regret, have some set consequences that are your “go to” so you don’t have to rely on clear thoughts in the moment. It’ll help you not blow your own stack.

So, again, mean moms love their kids. They love them so much they want to help them learn to control themselves and make good decisions. This is what mean moms do.

We don’t make big deals out of small things.

We don’t punish for the sake of punishment.

And we discipline in love.

Frequently Asked Questions:

How can I ensure that my child learns from a consequence?

Use consequences as a teaching opportunity. Encourage your child to talk about their feelings, actions, and how they can handle similar situations better in the future.

Is it okay to be flexible with consequences occasionally?

Consistency is crucial, but there can be room for flexibility in certain situations. Use your judgment but ensure that the flexibility doesn’t turn into inconsistency.

How can I stay patient and composed when giving consequences?

Parenting can be challenging, and emotions can run high. Take a deep breath before reacting and remind yourself that you are guiding your child’s behavior positively. Remember, be kind, think beforehand, and give yourself grace. You’ve got this, mama!

Sources:

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A good rule of thumb?

What’s a wind-down routine?

The 5 “basics” behind a wind down routine

1. They go on autopilot

2. Low low lights

3. Quiet

Routines To Cut Through The Crazy

4. Easy Focus

5. Soothing environment

Here are some ways to help create a soothing environment:

Examples of what to include in your routine

Routines To Cut Through The Crazy

Sample wind down routines

Remember… routine and consistency are key.

Routines To Cut Through The Crazy

The fact of the matter is…

Frequently Asked Questions:

So do many different types of behavior.

What does a one year old tantrum look like?

Nip One Year Old Tantrums In The Bud With These Tricks!

Square one: sleep and routine and eating

Wait it out or keep moving?

Routines To Cut Through The Crazy

Say What You See® with one year old tantrums

Don’t “parent to emotions” while your one year old is having a tantrum

Control the environment

Know your boundaries and keep them, it WILL get better

FAQs about 1 year olds

8 Reasons You’ve Got A Whiny Baby And What To Do About It

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

1. Baby is over tired and inconsolable

2. Baby is whiny because he’s hangry, hungry, or “snacking” too much

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

3. Baby is over stimulated (or it’s witching hours!) and super fussy

4. Baby is trying to wind down and blow off some steam and has trouble settling

5. Baby is going through a growth spurt and more whiny than normal

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

6. Baby is teething and irritable

Natural Teething Remedies:

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

7. Baby is not well so she’s fussy

Here are some things to consider:

8. Bears Repeating: baby is whiny because he’s ready for bed

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Frequently Asked Questions

Pregnancy “Feels” Like You’re Blocking My Path to the Bed

Pregnancy “Feels” Like I Don’t Care About Your Dinner

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Pregnancy “Feels” Like Your Kids Were Abducted And Replaced

Pregnancy “Feels” Like Imma Lose It At Any Minute

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Pregnancy “Feels” Like Don’t Make Me Laugh, Cough, or Stand Up

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Frequently Asked Questions by Husbands, Answered by Wives:

Oh dear…

I never considered myself an angry person.

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

Here are 5 common reasons you’re an angry mom.

1. You take things personally

2. Your expectations need adjusting

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

Expectations matter…

3. You’re empty and need a recharge

4. You’ve let things get out of control and need a reset

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

How to hit the reset button

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

5. You’re stressed and need an outlet

Are you keeping your boundaries?

But back to that screaming moment…

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

Angry Mom And Yelling FAQ

Another good one…

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

One more…

You remember the days…

Self-Care Routine Tracker

Reasons moms lose their identity

1. Moms lose their identity because their lives revolve around their kids

Say What You See^®with one year old tantrums